Yes, it’s time-consuming to write a profile, but if you’re cribbing 80% of your description of yourself from what you’ve seen elsewhere, your matches are going to notice. Originality is sexy, yet played-out copy reigns supreme on Tinder, Bumble and the like. Below, we spotlight 18 types of profiles you’re bound to come across while dating online.

The Niece Guy

“The kid in the third pic is my niece.” Niece Guy (or Nephew Guy ― the kid’s gender doesn’t matter) wants you to know he has family-man values without family-man baggage. Yeah, the 3-year-old on top of his shoulders is cute and seems to like him. But God forbid you think he’s a single dad!

The CEO At Self-Employed

“CEO at self-employed”? You are 100% paying for dinner because this guy has not held down a job since 2011.

The Dog Guy

Dog is absolutely this guy’s co-pilot. The spiritual brother to Niece Guy, Dog Guy includes no less than three photos of his dog and, yes, “the pupper can come along if we hang out.” Dog Guy really, really hopes you like his husky because he spent $1,600 on her, and he’s really banking on this increasing his Hinge appeal since his DMs are drier than the Sahara.

Jim From “The Office”

It’s 2020 and some people still have “employed at Dunder Mifflin” on their profiles. When you get right down to it, he’s “just a Jim looking for his Pam”! Swipe right if your idea of a great date is The Cheesecake Factory and having so-so sex to “The Office.”

The Five-Star Boy

”” -my mom. Great job, Kyle, never seen that line before. Make no mistake: You will forever be second fiddle to Five-Star Boy’s mom.

The Torso

No man is attached to this profile, just a disembodied set of abs. The ’90s had “The Body” ― supermodel Elle Macpherson― and Tinder has The Torso. Self-objectifying torso guys post a maximum of two photos and both are poorly lit views of their midsection. Honest to God, who’s swiping right on these guys? Girl, you’re in danger.

The “Swipe Left” Guy

Some versions of this are jokey, some are patronizingly serious. “Swipe left if you think pineapple belongs on pizza.” “Swipe left if you voted for Trump.” “Swipe left if you believe in astrology.” “Swipe left if all your photos are duck face.” “Swipe left if you are a sentient being.”

The “Add Me on Instagram” Guy

This guy is “never on this app” so be sure to add him on Instagram. (He really wants to get his follower count up to 3,000, thanks, lady!)

The Sarcastic Guy

Don’t let anyone tell you that Americans aren’t interested in learning another language besides English. If you’re on a dating app, you know that at least half of the male population is “fluent in sarcasm.”

The Out-Of-Towner

Foreign guy in town from “February 18-February 23.” DTF? Catch him while you can.

The Reply Guy

On Twitter, a Reply Guy is someone who responds to tweets in an annoying or condescending way, completely unsolicited (nine times out of 10, he’s responding to tweets from women). On dating apps, a Reply Guy relentlessly badgers you once you’ve matched or responded to a message or two. “What are you doing this fine Saturday evening?” “Hello?” “Have I lost you? ” “I miss us.”

The Fisherman

This guy just caught a grouper fish while shirtless on his uncle’s boat! So did a million other guys on Bumble. He may or may not have another photo where he’s wearing full camo in a casual, non-military setting.

The Hatfish

In a play on catfishing ― the practice of using someone else’s photo to lure people in ― someone who hatfishes looks great on paper (err, screen) but weirdly, he’s wearing a hat in all of his photos. Underneath his many baseball caps, the hatfish is bald. Sadly, he did not get the memo that bald guys like Jason Statham (patron saint of bald men at this point, no?) and Stanley Tucci are totally hot.

The Kittenfish

Another play on catfishing, the kittenfish is much more sly in their con. Their photos are their own ... but they’re 10 years old or filtered to the heavens. The actual person is unrecognizable when you meet. (In fact, we know someone who FaceTimes before first dates to make sure matches aren’t kittenfishing.) Kittenfishing is clearly less egregious than catfishing, but it’s still shady.

Your Brother

Or cousin. Or distant relative. Or best guy friend. There is no dating app algorithm that filters out people uncomfortably close to you, so at some point while swiping, you’re probably going to be reaching for the brain bleach. Don’t swipe left until you’ve taken the obligatory screencaps, though. (You’ll need those when you make fun of your cousin next Christmas for writing, “I’m just a boy, standing in front of a bunch of people on an app, asking them to love me.”

The Empty Profile Guy

What is the strategy of the Empty Profile Guy? A firm belief that they’re so hot, people will swipe right under the sheer power of their hotness? If he puts zero effort into his profile, he’ll put zero effort into your date.

Note to men on #Tinder: football-sized guns + a six-pack don't make up for an empty profile. All they do is make me think you can't write.

— Love, Ethan (@EthanDAmpel) May 21, 2015

The Couple

There’s no shortage of polyamorous couples scouring Tinder for unicorns (aka the mythical third person to turn them into a throuple for the night). “Hetero couple looking for a third,” the profile will read, with plenty of selfies and fun casual pics to confirm their coupledom. If you swipe right, you’ve taken their unicorn-hunting bait.

The (Almost) 6-Foot-Tall Man

Every single man on dating apps is “5′ 10, if that matters.”

This article originally appeared on The Huffington Post

The post 18 Guys You’ll Inevitably Meet On Dating Apps appeared first on FamilyToday.

Statistically, those in their 20s and 30s are putting off marriage and having children  later in life. According to census data, the average age for a first marriage is 27 for women and 29 for men; in urban areas like Washington and New York, those averages are even higher.

Some aren’t getting married at all. The divorce rate is going down, partially because millennials are waiting to partner up ― or not partnering up at all.

Of course, the apprehension could  be tied to financial constraints. Stress over outstanding student debt, for instance, has a way of interfering with plans to marry or start a family. And many stave off marriage to get a foothold on their career.

But there’s also a pervading belief that there’s little benefit to obtaining a marriage certificate. Is there something about marriage ― going to the trouble of getting the government involved ― that puts undue pressure on an otherwise solid relationship, as some writers have suggested?

“I do see couples who were ‘solid’ at the beginning of their relationship and then get married but end up struggling and feeling that marriage ruined their relationship or that they are with the wrong person just a few years in,” said Liz Higgins , a therapist and the founder of Millennial Life Counseling in Dallas.

“In my clinical experience, the seven-year itch has begun to look more like the three-year one,” she said.

Why is that?

“I think our generation has taken on this idea somehow that if there is conflict or if you don’t feel happy in the relationship, you’re with the wrong person,” she said. “Divorce, though still expensive and loaded in many aspects, is a common path to take.”

When you see others ― your peers, maybe your parents earlier on ― take a glib approach to something so serious, it’s easy to become cynical. For others, what scares them off is the feelings of finality and permanence that marriage can evoke, said  Kelifern Pomeranz, a psychologist in the Bay Area.

“And those feelings come with additional complexities such as combining your finances and navigating relationships with in-laws,” she said.

Prior to marriage, Pomeranz said, we often have “a sense of autonomy as we make life decisions to achieve our personal goals. Marriage shifts the focus from what is best for ‘me’ to what is best for ‘us,’ which may mean compromising on our personal preferences.”

Ryan Howes, a psychologist in Pasadena, California, has also heard this sentiment expressed in therapy sessions with singles.

“For those who see the vows and commitment as restrictive, marriage is the end to their freedom and the beginning of a life of unmet desires and diminished options,” he said. “They may have liked viewing their relationship as a choice they freely chose each day, and when the commitment comes they’re very aware of the barriers and conflicts of the institution.”

Feeling stifled can indeed undo a marriage if a couple stops viewing the relationship as something that’s still growing and evolving after the legal documents are signed. But what’s equally damaging is the tendency to grow too comfortable in a marriage, Higgins said.

“I think that’s because from a psychological and systemic perspective, making the commitment of marriage actually places your relationship on a different level of security,” she said. “That’s when we can take it for granted. When a couple stops intentionally working on their relationship, paired with the natural trials, changes, and growth in their lives, this is where the insecurities can begin to brew.”

That’s a problem that any long-term couple faces, not just couples who marry.

And then there’s the fear that marriage might change your partner. That, say, they operated on one level while you were dating (encouraging you to go out with your friends on the weekend, for instance) and a wholly different level after marriage (encouraging you to stay home and put in more couple time).

Howes said he hears complaints along these lines, usually after a client has separated from their spouse.

“People will describe it as a form of bait-and-switch: their partner was on good behavior to lure them down the aisle and once the papers are signed their true colors come out,” Howes said.

Changes like this do happen, Howes said, but it’s usually not fueled by any sort of maliciousness.

“Usually, the marriage has given the person the security to let their guard down and relax into the relationship, which may look like they’re not trying hard, are being selfish, or are taking their partner for granted,” Howes said.

How to handle your apprehensions if you do decide you want to get married

In spite of all these hangups ― and witnessing other couples fall prey to any number of the marital issues above ― even the most marriage-averse can have a change of heart with the right person.

How do you quiet your fears about marriage in those cases? Once you’re sure your partner is the one and that the timing is right, it helps to ask yourself how much of your apprehension is tied to the models of marriage you might have seen growing up: Did your parents’ divorce? Did they stay married but fight like cats and dogs throughout your childhood? That’s a major reason many singles say they’re apprehensive about marriage, all our therapists said.

It’s a valid concern, but remind yourself that your parents’ imprint doesn’t have to stick. Your relationship with your partner can be entirely different.

If you don’t like the marriage template your parents passed down, change it.

Discuss these concerns with your partner, then put some thought into what kind of marriage the two of you want to have, Howes said. Premarital (or even pre-engagement) counseling is helpful in this regard, but conversations between just you and your partner are worth having, too.

“Just talking about those topics in an honest and frank manner will help couples see what they expect individually and why,” he said. “This puts you far beyond many couples entering marriage.”

It also helps to recognize that a relationship is fluid and ever-changing, not a snapshot that freezes you in time, Pomeranz said. Recognizing that will help you safeguard your bond.

“You’ll both continue to individually grow and change after you get married and therefore need to be curious, open, and honest as you work to cultivate common interests and help each other to feel safe and valued,” she said.

The payout for that kind of diligence is huge.

“Relationships are hard work and require constant maintenance,” Pomeranz said. “But if you put in the work, you reap the benefit of having a partnership that is deeper and more fulfilling than any other connection in your life.”

This article originally appeared on The Huffington Post

The post Is Marriage the Ultimate Relationship Killer? appeared first on FamilyToday.

Then there are felonies, Whetstone said.

“Felonies are completely unacceptable acts hidden or denied that absolutely, positively will do damage to the relationship, such as cheating, verbal and emotional abuse and addictions,” the Little Rock, Arkansas, therapist explained.

The severity of a lie may be different, but the rationale for doing it tends to be the same, she said.

“In both cases, it’s an attempt to maintain our reputation as being a good and honest person, or a certain kind of person that we’d like others to view us as, or to protect ourselves from the negative reaction of others,” she said.

We know lying is damaging to our intimate relationships, but we’re all bound to do it at some point. Once we do tell a little white lie ― or a big, potentially destructive lie ― how do we tell our partners? Below, Whetstone and other therapists give their best advice. Here's how to admit you told a small lie.

Pick the right time.

Timing is everything with this. If you know your spouse has a big work presentation the next day, table the talk. If they’re in the middle of cooking dinner, wait then, too. You want them to be in a relaxed and chilled-out mode, Whetstone said.

“Your first choice is not to spring it on your mate out of the blue, but to wait until the subject comes up organically,” she said. “For instance, your partner mentions shopping for new tires for his convertible and you confess in a light-hearted way that you replaced one of the tires yourself recently when you bumped a curb and blew out one of the old ones. Whoops.”

Delivery matters. Don’t dump information, and don’t be overly dramatic.

Once you’ve decided to share, you’ll probably be in a rush to get it off your chest. But handle things with care. Simply blurting out the truth without any consideration of how it will impact your partner is a rookie mistake, said Kurt Smith, a therapist in Roseville, California.

“Take a few minutes to think ahead of time how you’ll phrase what you’re going to say so it’s received as best as possible,” he said. “Knowing your partner, how do you think they’ll take this news? Adjust your message and the timing of it accordingly.”

Also, don’t be overly dramatic if you’re truly dealing with a small-time lie.

“Telling your partner you’ve got something you need to tell them or saying something like ‘We really need to talk’ can create an expectation that it’s going to be really bad,” Smith said. “They’ll better receive what you’re going to tell them if you deliver it more naturally. So share your lie as part of a conversation as opposed to the ‘big talk.’”

Actually apologize.

This one seems like a no-brainer but it’s amazing how often this step is overlooked, Smith said.

“If you’ve lied to or deceived your partner, then you should say, ‘I’m sorry’ and add a description to the end of it of why you’re sorry,” he said. “The humility and strength it takes to say these two words can go a long way in helping your partner hear and accept your confession.”

Treat it with the seriousness it deserves.

A big-time lie deserves big-time humility. While the goal with a smaller lie is to admit to it without overstating it, with a weightier lie, you shouldn’t minimize any of it. Characterize it as the big deal that it is, and be prepared for an intense reaction from your partner, Whetstone said.

“A stance of ownership and humility must be maintained, as any sort of defense will likely intensify the reaction of the other person and do more damage,” she said. “Treat it with seriousness, then dedicate yourself to transparency, change and redemption.”

Use the Oreo method.

When it comes to confessing a lie, no matter the severity, marriage and family therapist Sheri Meyers is a big believer in the ‘Oreo’ method: You start with a chocolate cookie ― aka, something to soften the blow: “I love you and I’m telling you this because I want for us to have a strong, loving, honest relationship. I hate secrets and lies,” for instance. Then, get into the filling ― the admission of your lie, error, hurtful behavior or guilt.

“Tell your partner what happened and why,” Meyers said. “At this point, spare your partner the gory details. Reactions and questions will come up later to be answered and dealt with.”

Close with another chocolate cookie, or positive remark or action.

“Start with love. Take responsibility for what you know is wrong. Express regret and then express your desire to make things right,” she said. “Close with love. Say, ‘There is no excuse for my behavior. It is my fault. I want to focus on making our relationship stronger and better than ever.’”

Don’t blame or deflect.

When backed into a corner ― even if we’re there by our own doing― the natural response is to try to justify our behavior. But in doing so, we often deflect blame. (“I cheated on you because you haven’t been emotionally available to me since we had the baby.”) Don’t do that, Smith said.

“It’s always helpful to give an explanation to help your partner make some sense of what you’re disclosing, just be sure not to blame them for it — even if they were an influence,” he said. “Fully own your behavior, and your dishonesty is going to be better received.”

Have a game plan for after you divulge.

Your partner’s reaction to your admission may catch you by surprise. Plan for the best-case scenario and the worst one in the aftermath of this conversation, said Liz Higgins, an individual and couples therapist who works primarily with millennials.

“Have concrete actions in mind that you can begin doing immediately that would show your partner you’re serious about making healthy changes [going] forward,” she said. “And recognize that, no matter what you decide to be proactive about, your partner is still entitled to their own emotions and decisions around what they need to do, too.”

Don’t feel like you have to go it alone, either. Consider looking up names of therapists in case you both decide you want professional help following the revelation, Higgins said.

“You’ll need to explore what led you to lie versus share the truth, and realize that this may be more about you than anything lacking in your relationship,” she said. “Therapy can help with this.”

Know that it will likely get better.

This might feel like a low point in your relationship, but if the two of you commit to working through the issue, it can only get better from there. When we’re hiding something or outright lying, it inevitably affects our mood, behavior and communication, Smith said.

When you rid yourself of the burden of a lie, it’s freeing ― you can be transparent and you again ― and positive for your relationship with your partner. Plus, he said, honesty builds intimacy.

“When we’re honest with our partner, it builds connection,” he said.“Our relationship is strengthened and deepened by being truthful as well as being real that we make mistakes and aren’t perfect.”

This article originally appeared on the Huffington Post.

The post So You Lied To Your Partner. Now How Do You Tell Them? appeared first on FamilyToday.