I'm going to tell you something I've only told a few people in my life: I struggled to love my child.

You might judge me for this, and that's OK. I used to be afraid of what other people might think - other mothers - if those words ever left my lips. I mean, would they think I was a bad mother? A bad person? A monster, even?

Because mothers love. That's what we do. Well, that's what I tried to do.

We adopted our youngest child when she was six years old. It was work parenting a child with a difficult childhood, but I had faith in my ability to love. That was why God brought her to me - so I would love her, I thought. Because remember, that's what moms do. They love. But I struggled. In fact, I wasn't sure I did love her. All I knew was I was failing at the thing mothers are supposed to do best - love. Not only did I feel grief, but I felt a deep shame that remained hidden for a long time.

Perhaps you have someone you struggle to love. Maybe an adopted child, a biological child, a step-child or an in-law. Maybe it's your spouse, a sibling, a co-worker or your neighbor. Jesus tells us to love one another, but what to do we do when loving is hard? Beat ourselves up? Hide our shame?

After much searching and prayer, I thankfully realized we don't have to do any of those things. I learned three things about loving others that changed the grief to relief and the shame to joy.

1. My expectations shaded my reality

I realized most of my struggle came when the way I felt didn't match with the way I thought I should feel. When I released myself - my love - from the expectation I had created, I was able to see that I did indeed love her. It looked and felt different than a spontaneous love I had expected. But it was much like the love I have for my husband is different - it's chosen and developed. I understood that love is a choice; it is worked at and nurtured. But it is still love. And so it is with my adopted daughter.

2. A mother's love isn't one color or one strength

I felt a great joy and relief when I allowed myself to see that my love wasn't different for just my youngest, but it is for each of my children. I love each of my children differently. I love my son differently than my oldest daughter. I love my oldest daughter differently than my youngest daughter. My love for each of my children touches different parts of my heart. Sometimes it brings me joy, and other times it causes me pain. My love for them is different, and that's OK.

3. Perfect love can be given through me

The biggest epiphany for me was when I began to understand what charity was.

Charity isn't love I develop. It is God'slove, which is given to me as a gift (1 Corinthians 14:1). I am not expected to have the capacity to love like Jesus does; I simply need to qualify myself for the gift of his love for myself and others. As I strive to seek after it, he will bless me with his charity.

And here's the amazing thing. You see, when we seek for and allow the love of God to pass through us, I believe some of it is left behind. That, I think, is how we grow in charity. And every time I pray for it and feel his love for her pass through me to her, I am left loving her more.

These three truths helped me see that not only do I love my daughter, I always have.

With his help, I can be everything each of my children needs. Everything. Even when I fall short. With healthy expectations, the desire to choose and nurture love and with the help of the Lord, my children will have more love than they could ever need.

Editor's note: This article originally appeared on Michelle Wilson's blog, saltandjuniper.blogspot.com. It has been republished here with permission.

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I once overheard a woman say, "I have no regrets. Every mistake I've made has made me who I am today. I wouldn't change that for the world."

I applaud her for owning the good and the bad in her life. I think it's healthier than denying our fallibility and our opportunities to learn and grow and change.

But ... I wonder if we should take that line of thinking a few steps further.

I've made pleeeeenty of mistakes during my life - most I regret and many I would take back in a minute. That doesn't mean I wish I were different or that I don't like or love who I am now. That just means I don't like some of the choices I've made. I've hurt people. I've hurt myself. I've done some really dumb things only the grace of God saved me from.

You bet I wish I could take some of my mistakes back.

For me, it's not my mistakes but what I did after I made them that makes up who I am today. Positive growth only comes with positive motion. My mistakes don't define me, but my response to them does. The sorrow for my sins, the humility in asking forgiveness from God and others, the understanding and desire for improvement, the courage to stand up and try again - these are the things that define me.

Saying my mistakes made me who I am is saying growth comes from messing up. But, I know a lot of people who mess up and are still messing up without learning a thing. They are the same now as they were five years ago. What they are doing with their mistakes (which is nothing) is making them who they are today (miserable, just like they were five years ago.)

Life is all about changing and growing. We are here to empathize, to love and to learn. Our mistakes are a byproduct of our human state and stupid choices, not the sole purpose we are here.

Our mistakes provide opportunities for us to turn to God and allow Him to make us better. For some of us, it takes real heartache for our hearts to be ready for Him. But, though the mistake prepares the heart, it is our willingness to give our hearts to Him that changes us.

I own my mistakes and wrong choices. I am keenly aware of bad choices I've made throughout my life. Oh, how I have some regrets! It pains me that I've hurt other people. So, no, I would not choose their pain in exchange for my growth.

I also own what I do after I make my mistakes. I'm learning humility and patience and kindness. I am learning who I am and what I can do with His help.

That is what makes me who I am today.

That's what gives me purpose. It also gives me hope because my mistakes don't define me. I am not my mistakes. I am my apologies and my fortitude and my faith and my love.

I am imperfect by nature but made whole by His nature if I choose Him. And I do - and that I wouldn't change for the world.

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Bullies physically and emotionally hurt others with their fists and their words. They tell others they are stupid, ugly and worthless. We know bullies are bad, but how often do we say those same hurtful words to ourselves?

Doesn't that make us, in a sense, bullies, too?

It does.

Here are 7 ways we bully ourselves without even realizing it. See if they sound familiar.

1. "I am ew!"

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and thought, "Ew"? When we take a mental tally of the things we have that we don't like, we take away from all the good we have and are. We feed negativity, self-doubt or even disgust. We also feed ingratitude for what we do have. You have the body God gave you. It is precious. You should take care of it, and a large part of taking care of your body is loving it-no matter what you see in the mirror.

Next time you look in that mirror, replace the "ew" with a smile. Look for all the good things you have and are, and compliment yourself. Feed the good. Your body believes what your mind says. What are you going to say to your body today?

Remember, you are not "ew." You are beautiful.

2. "I can't do that."

Fear is one of the main reasons we tell ourselves we can't do something. We are afraid of trying and failing. Perhaps we're even afraid of succeeding or change. We tell ourselves it's too hard. We are not capable.

When we say we can't do it, we tell ourselves we are not strong enough, talented enough, capable enough. Not good enough.

If what you want is right and good and worth pursuing, then stop telling yourself you can't do it. You can do it because God knows how powerful you are, and He will make up the rest. And with Him, all things are possible.

3. "I should be more like her/him."

All too often we see another's attributes we admire; but, rather than simply admiring them, we put ourselves down because we feel we don't measure up.

You should be you You are unique and special. Yes, yes, we all are. But, every color of the rainbow is different; does that take away from the beauty and necessity of blue? Or red? Or yellow? No. They are brilliant colors, each unique and so needed. And when they work together, they create millions of shades of themselves, each beautiful in their own way.

Be you. That is who you should be. Not her. Not him. Not them. Be the you God intended you to be. And that starts by looking to Him, not to the person next to you.

4. "I don't think he/she likes me."

When you tell yourself someone doesn't like you, you are investing energy and thought into something that might not be real. Often, this line of thinking takes us down the path of thinking negative thoughts about that other person; and, before you know it, you don't like him/her either.

Don't talk yourself out of liking and loving yourself or other people because you tell yourself people don't like you. If they really don't like you, that's okay. You can't take away their rights to feel what they feel. But their feelings do not define reality. Don't give them the power to decide how you feel. Love yourself. Love others. And let it go.

5. "I'm so stupid."

Intelligence is within us all. We all have different capacities, talents and gifts. We should not stifle our potential by labeling ourselves as stupid. Yes, there are things we don't know. We can't know it all.

But, don't discount yourself. Don't belittle your capacity because you don't understand a certain subject or principle right now. There is a time and a season for all things, including learning. You are intelligent, with a godly potential to learn and grow. You're not stupid. You have a capacity to learn and to change. Embrace it. Don't stunt it by telling yourself you're stupid.

6. "I am a failure."

Life is full of failures. We are going to mess up, make mistakes and miss our goals. But, WE are not failures.

Don't give up.

Don't give up the joy, courage and optimism that come from trying again. Failure is an outcome, not an indictment of your worth and capability. It's okay to say, "I have failed," because we all have at some point. But, be sure to follow that up with, "But I'll keep on keeping on."

Another thing to remember is that what might seem a failure in our eyes is an opportunity in God's eyes.

The only true failure is giving up. So, don't give up. You're not a failure.

7. "I am worthless."

We all make mistakes. We might even inadvertently hurt ourselves or others with those mistakes. Life can be hard, and we may feel tattered and torn, but that does not mean we have no worth.

A crumpled twenty-dollar bill is still worth twenty dollars.

When you tell yourself you are worthless, you are telling yourself you can do no good, that you can have no influence in the world and that you have no value.

But you do have value.

You are worth more that you know. You are worth everything.

Tell yourself that until you believe it.

Stop bullying yourself.

You are beautiful. You can do so much. You are stronger than you realize. Get up when you fall. Like yourself. Love yourself. And believe you are worth everything. Because you are.

This article was originally published on Michelle Wilson. It has been republished here with permission.

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Do you feel distant from God? Are you afraid your relationship with Him is broken, irreparable?

I am here to give you some shocking news. You can't fix it. Not because it is unfixable, but because you can't fix something that isn't broken.

You see, God isn't like us. He doesn't get offended. He doesn't withhold forgiveness. And He doesn't leave. He is here, always, waiting with His arms outstretched. Wanting us to come back to Him.

So, if God is always there, then how can we feel a relationship we believe is broken on our end? Maybe you haven't prayed in a long time, and you're afraid to start. Maybe you are afraid He won't answer-or that He will. Maybe shame is keeping you from Him. Or maybe doubt or fear. Or maybe you've been distracted by life or have simply felt you didn't need Him.

There are hundreds of reasons why we feel our relationship with God isn't what it should be.

But there are 4 things we can do to fix it, starting right now.

Pray

I know. It sounds too simple. But it works. Relationships are strengthened by communication and shared experiences. So communicate with Him. Tell Him about yourself and your life. He is real, and He will hear you. Apologize for the things you feel you need to. He will forgive you. That's what He does. Thank Him for everything good in your life and the bad things, too. The good things are from Him. The bad things bring us to Him. Both are blessings. But most of all, just talk to Him. It doesn't have to be formal or out loud. Talk to Him in a way you are comfortable He will hear you, and you will feel closer to Him.

Actively Listen

I was in a training recently where I did an activity with a co-worker. She was to tell me about her day, and I was to listen without responding. No verbal or nonverbal response. Just sit. She shared the saddest story about her day. It was so difficult to listen and not respond. Afterwards, when asked how she felt about my listening skills, she said she felt sad like she had been talking to herself. She didn't feel anything from me because I didn't seem like I was actively listening. She was even a bit hurt.

God is trying to talk to us every day. He has things to tell us, new to share, counsel to give and love to show. When we stop and actively listen to Him, we not only show we care about what He has to say, but we care about Him. We listen by being still, reading the scriptures, or even listening to uplifting music. God speaks in a language we can understand. If you listen, you will hear Him and feel closer to Him again.

Believe Him

Trust is a vital part of any relationship. You've seen those trust-falls, where a person closes his eyes and falls backwards into the arms of a waiting partner. So it is with God. We can't see Him, but we choose to believe He is there. When we trust Him, we can turn our weaknesses over to Him and be made strong. We can follow His path for us, not our own. We can let go of fear, anger, shame, guilt, sadness and so much more. Believe Him when He says He loves you. Believe Him when He calls on you to do hard things. Believe Him and fall into His arms. He will catch you, and you will feel closer to Him.

Tell Him you love Him

Love is powerful and real. It is a feeling, and also a choice. John said we love God because He first loved us. Yes, we love Him. You love Him. So tell Him. Say it out loud. Say it in your heart. Write it down. Tell God you love Him. He will hear it. He will believe it. And you will feel closer to Him.

If you feel your relationship with God needs repair, try these four things. They work. God is there, waiting to hear from you and talk to you. He is waiting for you to believe in Him and believe Him. He already loves you and is waiting so patiently to be loved by you.

He misses you. He loves you. He needs you. And you need Him.

So, pray, listen, believe and love. And your relationship with God can be stronger than ever - starting right now.

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Like most people, I have struggled with loving my body over the years. When I was young, I was too thin. After kids, I was too fat. As I grow older, my laugh lines have started to leak together, and the bags under my eyes look like I'm packing for a long trip. My knees have arthritis, and I haven't had a thigh-gap since the Dukes of Hazzard were on TV.

I wouldn't say I hate my body, but there are some things I would definitely change. There are even some things that make me feel self-conscious. These things influence my body-image or the way I feel about my body. But do I have to wait until I love my body to have a healthy self-image?

No! And neither do you. Here are a few things to remember that can help you feel great about yourself, no matter what.

You are more than your body

I had a conversation with a woman recently who has more physical troubles than anyone deserves. Tears streamed down her face as she shared how she felt about herself-weak, worthless, a failure. All because of her body.

I was able to tell her this simple truth - she is more than her body.

Within our body is our soul, everything that makes us, well, us. Our body is the shell that covers and protects us, but it doesn't define us; it isn't the totality of who we are. C.S. Lewis once said, "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."

We are so much more than what our physical eyes can see. You are so much more. You are strength, love, kindness and goodness. You are laughter and warmth, healing and inspiring. You help, hold, lift and laugh. You are beautiful, of great worth, and it has nothing to do with your body.

A smile replaced the tears of this sweet woman as she began to see how truly spectacular she is. She is on her first step from the bondage of misplaced self-value.

Stop saying "Should"

In our minds, we have a picture of how we "should" look or be like. There are a few problems with saying our bodies "should" look or be a certain way.

Often times the "should" is not realistic. We think we should look like the people on the magazine covers or look like we did in high school. We often don't take into account our age, circumstances, and, well, reality. We can't look like the people on magazine covers because we don't have an airbrush or photoshop in our closet. We're not supposed to look that way.

Having healthy goals for our bodies is good, but often these "shoulds" aren't simply goals but can cloud the way we feel about our bodies.

Change what you're looking for

I don't think I've ever woken up and thought, "I wonder how many awful things I can pick out about my body today." Most people don't do that. But, it comes easily, almost reflexively, as we stand in front of the mirror. Our hair is too straight or too curly. Our eyes are crooked, our nose is too big. We are too short or tall, too thick or thin. By the end of a 10-second look over in the mirror, we can concoct a list of negatives as long as the line outside Walmart on Black Friday. If we base our feelings of self-worth on this list, it would be nearly impossible to see ourselves in a positive light.

But what if we changed what we are looking for? Rather than looking for what we don't like about our bodies, try looking for what you like about you. Look at the good you do. Look at the difference you make. Look at the gifts and talents you have, the joy you bring to others. That is beautiful. You are beautiful. And it has nothing to do with your body.

Take care of your body

When we realize our body doesn't define us and learn to change our focus to who we are and not what we look like, it is easier to love our bodies no matter what they look like. And when we love our body, it's easier to take care of it. This may sound strange, but be your body's friend. Treat your body with kindness. Give it what it needs. Good, healthy food. Ample sleep. Exercise. Flattering clothes.

As you take care of your body, it will take care of you. You will feel better about your health, your appearance and yourself.

It's what's on the inside that counts

When my husband and I were dating, he said, "You're pretty, but don't let it go to your head. Beauty fades. Bodies change. It's what's on the inside that counts." At first, I was offended. But over the years I have grown to love his comment. As my body has changed in size and appearance, his view of me hasn't. I have never felt fat or ugly around him because that simply isn't what matters. He sees me as beautiful because of what is inside.

What is inside of you? Beauty, would be my guess. No matter the size or condition of your body, your real beauty and worth come from what is inside. It's like your soul I mentioned earlier. If we make it a priority, our inside will only become more beautiful. That's what counts.

A healthy self-image is key to our happiness and well-being. When we focus on what really matters and treat our bodies right, we can feel good about ourselves no matter what we look like.

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Insecurity comes in many forms. It can be small, causing a feeling of discomfort or uneasiness, or so big and pervasive it keeps us from healthy relationships, opportunities or adventures. When insecurity is at its worst, it can rob us of success, confidence and joy.

Stephen R. Covey said, "The way we see the problem is the problem." The truth is, most of the things we feel insecure about aren't the problem; our insecurity comes from how we see those things. When we start to change the way we see things, then we can begin to battle insecurity. And it starts with these six simple steps.

1. Understand that everyone feels insecure

Insecurity can make us feel isolated like we are the only ones that doubt ourselves. But that's not true. All of us have felt insecure at some point in our lives. Your boss, spouse, best friend, and worst enemy have all likely struggled with insecurity at some point in their lives. The next time you walk into a room and everyone seems so confident and you don't, remember that they have felt the same way. You're not alone.

2. Don't compare yourself to others

It's human nature to figure out where we fit into the world around us. This is often done by comparing ourselves to others. Most times, however, we compare our perceived worse with their perceived best. We come away feeling pretty bad about ourselves.

Your worth, ability and value is not decided by the performance or personality of another. You are unique. So don't look to others to gauge your progress or standing in life. Celebrate your strengths and successes. Acknowledge your mistakes and weaknesses with forgiving eyes. Be confident in your individuality and be optimistic in your quest for growth. And most importantly, be happy to be you.

3. Make a list of the positive attributes.

A great way to feel better and more confident about yourself is to make a list of your positive attributes. Don't be shy. Write down all the gifts you've been given, the talents you have, and the things you like or even love about yourself. It may feel awkward at first. For some reason, celebrating ourselves seems unnatural and vain. But, it's not. It is showing gratitude for the things you've been given and confidence in the things you've worked at. Making such a list is a great way to help change your perspective as you realize just how awesome you really are.

4. Trust yourself.

I love the advice of Dr. Benjamin Spock: "Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do." You've been given common sense and the ability to reason. Through your life experiences you have built up a reservoir of knowledge, skills and understanding. Don't sell yourself short. The next time insecurity tries to stop you from doing something good, pause a moment and make the choice to trust yourself. You really do know more than you think you do and are capable of more than you give yourself credit.

5. Take back the power

Insecurity hit me hard during my teenage years. I allowed the cruel words of others to define who I was. I gave them the power to tell me my value and my capability. If I was asked on a date, I felt beautiful. If a friend rejected me, I felt worthless. I sold my worth for the criticism and compliments of others. As I grew older and wiser, I began to realize what I had done, and with a lot of work and prayer, I began to take back the power.

In this life, you will have people say or do things to you that are unkind and perhaps controlling. Don't let them tell you what you are capable of or what you are worth. Your potential is yours to fulfill, your life is yours to lead. You decide your worth. Choose to see and believe the best in you. Let the opinions of others fall by the wayside. Take back the power you've given to others and own yourself.

6. Do something.

We can change our perspective, look at our positive attributes, and other introspective things, but there is a certain level of insecurity-squashing confidence that comes only from experience. When my daughter was little, I knew she was a good swimmer and told her as much. Still, she nervously doubted herself. Then one day after mastering a difficult stroke, she popped her head out of the water and gleefully stated, "Mom, I did it! I ama good swimmer!" My belief in her was enough to get her in the water, but her true confidence didn't come until after she swam.

As we battle our insecurities and begin to believe in ourselves, we must do what our insecurity has prevented us from doing before. We will prove to ourselves that we are right, that we can do more than we realize. We will find talents and skills we didn't know we had and experience life on a new level.

But our true joy will come when we do things for others. Ignore the fear of looking stupid or failing, and reach out to someone in need. Selflessness feeds self-security. We will find greater value in ourselves and deeper meaning in life. We will begin to understand that even with all our imperfections we can be a tool for good in the lives of those within our reach.

There is no instant cure for insecurity, but as you practice these six steps you can give it a run for its money. Choose to see the good. Believe in you. Be confident. Do something. Have joy.

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Starting our morning with God opens the door for inspiration, direction, and protection in our lives. But how do we do that when it seems the moment our feet hit the floor life is flying by at a million miles a minute?

Between getting kids ready for school, myself ready for work, and the thousand and one things that come up in between, some mornings I'm lucky to leave the house with matching clothes and brushed teeth. Forget about quiet mediation time with God. I'm just trying to find my shoes and remember my kids' names.

However, on the days that I do invite God into my day, things seem to go better. I feel better, I can see better, I can be better. And isn't that what we all want, divine help throughout the day from the God who created and cares for us? But how can we find time for Him with the demands of each new day?

Luckily, these nine low-maintenance things you can do to start your morning with God.

Set your alarm five minutes earlier than normal

When your alarm goes off, hit the snooze and talk to God rather than falling back to sleep. Prayers don't belong only to those on their knees. God wants to hear from you anytime, anywhere. As you are waking up, talk with Him. Review your day ahead with Him. Ask Him for the help you'll need to take care of all that lies before you. He will not only listen, but will offer you the help He knows you need.

Shower Him with gratitude

While you're in the shower shaving your legs or letting your conditioner set, tell God the things you're thankful for. Are you grateful for warm water on a cold morning? Are you grateful for your family and friends, your home and your job? An attitude of gratitude can not only change our perspective, but bring us closer to God as we realize all the good things He has blessed us with.

Put a penny in your shoe

It may sound strange, but try it. Every time you feel the penny, talk to God. At the end of the day when you review your day with God, it is less of a report and more of a, "Hey, do you remember this and that?" because God will have been with you the whole time.

Pray over your breakfast

Whether it's a sit down at the table or a grab and go, it takes less than a minute to thank God for your meal and ask Him to bless it. It's another way to bring Him into your morning, and I'm pretty sure it lowers the calorie intake as well.

Have morning family prayer

Before you run out the door, why not take thirty seconds and have a family prayer? Grab whoever is awake and at home and invite them to pray with you. It not only invites God into their day as well, but will bring a peaceful feeling into your home.

Turn off the radio

If you commute to work, rather than turning on the news or the tunes, try leaving the radio off and having a conversation with God. Talk to Him about your goals and aspirations. Open up and let Him in. Don't worry; the people in the cars next to you will think you're talking on your Bluetooth, so pray away!

Read a verse of scripture

There's a saying that says when you want to talk to God, pray, and when you want to hear Him, read the bible. Place your bible by your bedside the night before. In the morning before your feet hit the floor, grab it and read a verse or two or three. You might be surprised that it is the very thing you needed to hear that day.

Look outside

God created every beautiful thing for us. What better way to start your morning with Him than taking notice of the evidence of His love for you right outside your window?

Listen

We talk to God through our thoughts and words. He talks to us through thoughts and feelings. As you take different opportunities to talk with God, be sure to take some time to listen to Him when you're finished. No one likes a one-sided conversation. I wouldn't' think He would either. He not only want to listen to you, but to share with you how He feels about you, how He can help you, and what He has in store for you.

God wants loves you and wants to be part of your life. And now, with these nine simple ways, it is that much easier for you to invite Him in. They are simple and small but the reward will be great.

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