In their book, Fighting for Your Marriage, Dr. Markman and Dr. Stanley identify what they call the 4 warning signs that reflect the deterioration of a relationship: escalation of negativity, invalidation, negative interpretation and avoidance and withdrawal. These are the first 4 deadly sins that will destroy your marriage.

1. Escalation

When a conversation about doing the dishes ends with the topic of divorce, you experience escalation. Escalation will destroy your marriage; it creates an environment that feeds criticism and complaint. Escalation can happen quickly or over a period of time. If you find yourself entangled in rising tensions with your spouse, acknowledge that you need to put your conversation on pause and set up a time later in the day to discuss the issue. Repeat this process until you can have a conversation that you do not have to reschedule because of escalation.

2. Invalidation

When you never feel good enough, and your spouse does not seem to understand you, it may be because of invalidation. Invalidation manifests itself when you feel like you never get to explain yourself, when you are constantly cut off and when you feel like your opinion does not matter. This is a dangerous path because we all want to feel understood. If you constantly invalidate your spouse, he may be tempted to find someone who values and respects him, which in turn will lead to a host of other sins not discussed here.

3. Negative interpretation

You call your spouse at lunch and he doesn't answer, so you immediately begin to think that he is having lunch with another woman. A deployed soldier calls home and his wife doesn't answer the phone; he immediately thinks that she is cheating on him. When neutral or even positive things are said or done and a spouse quickly interprets the action as negative, a feeling of fear can permeate your home. Your spouse may be afraid to say or do anything kind or loving out of fear that the action will be taken as an act of war. A relationship where a spouse is guilty of negative interpretation will not last long. To overcome this, always assume that each word and action of your spouse has the best of intentions.

4. Withdrawal

Traditionally, guys are most guilty of withdrawal. Avoiding your spouse or a certain conversation with your spouse can become a permanent problem. Your desire to withdraw and avoid your spouse may be because you are trying to avoid another one of the seven deadly sins that will destroy your marriage. Here are a few ways that will help you to steer clear of withdrawal.

The last three of the seven deadly sins that will destroy your marriage include saying "no" to your spouse, mind reading and emotional cheating. Each of these sins is as equally deadly as the first four and will have a destructive influence on your relationship.

5. Saying "no"

Humility, love and trust are needed to be brave enough to never say "no" to your spouse. Selfishness will always be revealed as the main reason a person says "no" to her partner. Develop the habit of saying "yes" to every request of your spouse to combat the deadly sin of saying "no." As you and your spouse mutually adopt this philosophy into your marriage, the love and excitement in your relationship will grow deeper and more meaningful.

6. Mind Reading

The opposite of communication is mind reading. Assuming what your spouse is thinking and feeling can have dangerous consequences for your marriage, especially if you combine this with negative interpretation. Mind reading happens when you incorrectly guess the thoughts and feelings of your spouse. A mind reader will believe his guess is correct and act on that belief without consulting his partner. To combat mind reading, talk with each other. If you have a question, ask. If you want your spouse to do something, ask. If you want your spouse to know something, tell him. Communication is the cure for a mind reader.

7. Emotional cheating

Dr. Gail Saltz shares seven red flags that suggest you have crossed the emotional affair line. If you find yourself sharing your hopes and dreams with someone other than your spouse you may be on the path of infidelity. Some of the other flags include, dressing up for that person, looking for opportunities to spend time together, saying or doing things that you would never say and do in front of your spouse, talking about the challenges in your marriage, wanting all your communication to be secret and you start feeling dependant on the time you get to spend with that person. The best way to avoid these types of affairs is to never be alone with a member of the opposite sex.

Each of the 7 deadly sins that will destroy your marriage continuously seek to infiltrate your relationship. Understanding what these sins are and making plans to combat them will save you the pain and sorrow that will come into your life with these sins. Do not allow escalation, invalidation, negative interpretation, withdrawal, saying "no", mind reading or emotional cheating to erode your marriage. Discuss each of these sins with your spouse and make a plan to eliminate any of them from your marriage.

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Learning how to complement your spouse can create an environment in your home that will allow your relationship to flourish. To complement your spouse is to complete and perfect her. To build this type of relationship with your spouse, you must never tear her down - physically, emotionally or verbally. Complete her by building her up and encouraging her with your words and actions. Complete her by loving and protecting her. Complementing your spouse will create a thriving environment in your home and family that is filled with love. Here are 3 ways that will help you complement each other and build a lasting relationship:

Never say "no" to her

There are not many reasons that you should ever say "no" to your spouse. Telling your companion "no" shows that you may have some serious control issues or that you do not trust your spouse. If your spouse shows an interest in an activity or asks for you to do something always say 'yes'. Doing this will help deepen your love and respect for each other. You will also feel much more free and expressive with each other as fear will be eliminated from your relationship. For more on building your spouse in this way check out 4 reasons to never say 'no' to your spouse.

Praise and speak highly of him

How does it feel when you hear people talking about someone behind their back, then, that person walks into the room? Have you noticed how silent it gets? Each time you speak unkindly about someone else your relationship erodes with that person whether they are present or not. Any kind of ill speaking destroys relationships, it does not build them. Imagine what this does to your marriage if each time you have a disagreement with your spouse you run off and talk about how horrible he or she is. Learn to be loyal to your spouse at all times. Praise and speak highly of each other in all circumstances and you will be on the road to building a happy and complete relationship.

Grow in love

A garden needs good soil, plenty of water and constant attention to grow. Your relationship is very similar, if you neglect the little things, fail to communicate, stop learning about each other, decide not to share your dreams and desires with each other, your love can die. To complete your spouse and to grow your love, you must serve her. Service to your spouse is like miracle grow to your garden. The more you put your spouse above yourself the more love you will feel. If things have become slightly wilted in your relationship you can learn how to re-fall in love with your spouse.

Complement each other by never saying 'no' to your spouse, by praising and speaking highly of your companion and by learning to continually grow in love. You can complete one another and have a beautiful and happy marriage. You already have the perfect spouse, it's up to you to complete her by complementing her. If you'd like other suggestions on improving your relationship, here are a few of my favorite marriage help books.

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Love is the foundation of all happiness and joy in life. We all want it, and we appreciate it when it is given to us. When we feel unloved, we can feel sad, depressed, anxious and irritable. Establishing love as the foundation in your marriage will bring you a lifetime of peace and marital bliss. Who you choose to marry will play a key role in your future happiness. If you question your decision in any way, here are 5 reasons why you should not get married.

You just met

When you first meet and the sparks start to fly, try not to make any quick decisions. Usually, this beginning phase of the relationship is filled with high chemicals and low clarity. If you marry in this puppy love state, you will soon find that those chemicals which made it impossible to be separated will soon fade away. As you get to know each other you will start to see things more clearly. With high clarity and low chemicals, you can make a more informed decision.

You are too young or too old

Different countries, and even different areas within those countries, have different ideas on the proper age to get married. Marriage is not reserved for couples that fall within a certain age range. If you are waiting for the perfect age to get marriage, you may just miss out on a wonderful man or woman that could help you fill your life with joy and happiness. If you are a responsible adult, you are never too old or too young to get married.

You are attracted

If you are basing your relationship solely on good looks, then you have a long rocky road ahead of you. Men can get fat. Women have babies. We get old and tired. Think long term when you are making a decision to marry. Can you imagine being with your companion if there were no sex? If your day consisted of easing the arthritis pain, changing your spouse's adult diaper and trying not to break a hip, could you still be madly in love with your spouse? Eating healthy and keeping yourself physically fit will help extend those good looks but don't base your entire relationship on them or your marriage won't last past the first wrinkle.

You don't have a career

The greatest and most influential career you will ever have is that of a spouse and parent. You are the CEO of your own home. If you choose to wait till you have the perfect job you may just be waiting forever. You might have to learn to deal with a job you hate until you can find something that can bring balance to your life. If you are concerned with having the perfect career before you take the plunge into marriage, it is possible the greatest career that you could ever have will pass you by.

You are engaged

Who you marry is one of the most important decisions you will make in your entire lifetime. Your happiness and the happiness of others depend on the success of this decision. Just because you sent out the invitations, does not mean that you have to go through with it - if it's not right. People will not judge you harshly; they will most likely say, "good thing they figured it out before they tied the knot." Unless you are convinced that your decision is the right one, reconsider and marry someone that you are confident you will love for better or worse.

Selecting the right partner is a decision that will have eternal consequences. Do not get married just to get married. Be wise in making this decision. Seeing warning signs takes little time, so make sure you get to know your future spouse. Those high chemicals may fade away, but eventually, as you work on it, you will learn how to re-fall in love with your spouse and will regain those puppy love feelings while also enjoying high clarity. Marital bliss is something that you need to work towards. True happiness in marriage will take some time and will be a lot easier if you choose the right person from the beginning.

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"Not right now honey!"�

"Please! Let me get this done."

"We will get a date night eventually."

"I'll play with you as soon as I finish this."

"I don't have time right now."

Luckily, your spouse and children are resilient and will keep looking for ways to win your attention. If you've caught yourself saying any one of these phrases, or similar ones, you can count yourself among everyone else.

With so many demands in life, it's hard to figure out how to balance your time. Being a good spouse, a good parent, a good sibling, a good neighbor, a good church member, a good citizen in the community, a good employee and a good friend can feel like an overwhelming amount of responsibility. Now, add to that all the other things in life, taking care of yourself physically, spiritually, emotionally, cleaning up the house, cooking your meals and staying on top of the chores - you wonder if making family time a priority is even possible.

Here are two ways that will help you make family time a priority:

Keep a family time budget

All of us do not have the same amount of money to budget; however, time makes us all equal. We all have the same amount of time regardless of what is in your bank account. You can manage your time and energy the same as the richest person on the planet. You are free to choose how to budget your time.

Matthew Toone, a wise business leader, explains how he is able to keep his family time high on the priority list. "Maybe it seems like an impersonal thing, but I budget time for my family. I know from 6:30-9:30 every night is my family time. Nothing is going to conflict with that. So even if I am working on an entrepreneurial venture or service in my church... there will be no phone calls, no emails - I will let nothing interfere with my family time."

Sit down and talk with your family right now and set up a family time budget. All you have to do is set aside a specific time each day and protect it. Do not let anything touch your family time. Once you do this, you will be tested and it will seem as though everyone and everything wants to get in the way of that time. Do not let anyone touch it. Defend it and save it for your family.

Recognize the Time Thief

There is a tricky little devil running around that likes to steal your time. If you are not careful, you will look in the mirror and wonder who that old person is staring you back in the face. You can learn to recognize the Time Thief, boost productivity, fight him off and never wonder what happened to your life.

Anything that takes up your time and does not produce some kind of lasting benefit is an activity designed by the Time Thief. This could include countless hours on a video game or in front of the TV. It could include mindless browsing of social media sites or streaming media. The Time Thief will give you endless hours of entertainment for nothing.

Next time the Time Thief tries to lead you into a mind-numbing-pointless-waste-of-time trap, fight him off with productivity. Go on a walk with your spouse, go play with your kids, call your mom, call your dad - do something, anything with your family. The more you fight against the Time Thief, the more you will see family life improve. Here are some more ways to set priorities in your life.

You can make family time a priority. As you budget time for your loved ones and eliminate the Time Thief from your life, you will find greater satisfaction with life. You will be happier, and your family will be happier.

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You wake up sick one morning, miss that time of the month, and know you are about to go for a nine month ride of feeling fat and uncomfortable. With a life growing inside you, you begin to do all things for the benefit of your baby. Your desires to be a healthier person are enhanced. You focus on building a strong baby. Then comes the big day of delivery where we guys will try (and fail) to understand what you are going through. No one ever will, except those who have traveled down the same road as you.

Watching the intensity of the birth my newborn son, I wondered, will he be thankful for his mom?

As the days fly by, I see the loss of sleep, the interrupted meals and the ever growing list of other things that need to get done but don't. I see some of her goals fall to the bottom of her priority list as she lovingly tends to the needs of a newborn baby. She loses herself in the service of a child.

You have seen it, too. Or, if you are a mother, you are numbered among the most selfless, kind and underappreciated professionals of our time. With over 30 years of experience working with mothers, I have learned the proper way to treat a woman... especially a mother.

Always show respect

Respect is showing deep affection. It is an expression of appreciation and reverence. Respect does not interrupt or interfere with the woman it is given to. Just as the kings and queens of the earth are honored and revered so should our mothers. Without our mothers, we have no life. Without women, there can be no true joy or happiness in this life. A boy needs his mom. Though there are times we forget to reverence you as the queens and princesses you are, please know that without you we are nothing. Show respect to your mother.

Never say "no"� to your mom

Not only should you never say no to your spouse, you should never say no to your mom. After realizing the sacrifices of motherhood, could you in good conscience ever deny a request from her? After all she has given to support and sustain you, would you really complain or ignore her if she asks you to do something? A son or daughter has no right to say "no" to their mom, not after all she has done. She wants the best for you and will never ask you to do something that is not in your best interest. Trust her.

Remember Mother's Day every day

I appreciate the fact that we have set aside one day of the year to recognize the selfless contributions of women and mothers. As the demands and routines of day-to-day life beat upon us, it can be easy to forget about the most important things in life. Oscar Wilde once said "to live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." Those who do truly live, remember their moms. Don't just exist, as most people. Remember Mother's Day every day.

Perhaps kneeling before your wife and mother every time you enter their presence might be a little extreme - but maybe not. We should always show respect to the women in our lives. Look for ways to honor and reverence her. When she asks you for something, do it with no hesitation. Practice serving her as she has you for so many years. And, as Mother's Day has come and gone this year remember when Mother's Day really is - every day.

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What is a hero? We know Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Thor and Professor X - fictional heroes known for their strong sense of morality, righteousness and purpose, always fighting to do what's right. We can go back to ancient times and learn about Hercules, Achilles, Theseus or Perseus all who fought valiantly for the benefit of mankind. What is it about these stories that keep them alive through the generations? Who are the real-life heroes?

You do not have to be the son of a Greek God, born on another planet or even get thrown in a pool of toxic waste to become a hero. All you have to do is do what these heroes have done to serve other people.

Scientist, scholar and religious leader Henry Eyring explains "I have observed three common characteristics of... my heroes. One is a pattern of prayer, the second is a habit of service, and the third is a rock-hard decision to be honest."� Here are a few ideas that will assist you in helping your children pick good heroes.

Prayer, how to get real super powers

Sincere and heartfelt prayer is hard work. It is an opportunity for us to reach out to God. The bible promises that "... all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive" (Matthew 21:22). Through prayer, you can ask how you can be of service to others. You will soon notice impressions coming into your mind that lead you to opportunities to be heroic. As your children hear you pray for a chance to be a hero, and see you act on those opportunities, you will become much cooler than Ironman.

Service, sacrificing for the benefit of others

All heroes act in behalf of others. They put others above themselves. They recognize that true happiness comes when you give your time and energy in service. From donating blood to fighting for freedom, teach your children that true heroes are hardworking, selfless people who simply put others above themselves.

Teach your children to recognize villains. When your children decide to choose a role model, help them see that some of the popular people in the entertainment world, those addicted to drugs and alcohol, those who set their hearts on getting more stuff for themselves, are actually the villains of the world. Look for examples of righteousness, and those who encourage and inspire you to become a better person when selecting a hero to follow. Popularity and vanity will soon fade away, but a hero will always be remembered.

Introduce them to real heroes

Create opportunities for your children to meet heroes often. This could be something as small as meeting your local firefighters, police officers or paramedics. Tell them about people that have been heroes in your life such as family members, business associates, religious leaders or local community leaders. Write a list of the names of people who you know to be true heroes. Review and discuss this list with your children. Explain to them what makes these people great.

Each time you do something kind for someone else, you are being a hero. Every time you put others above yourself, you are being a hero. Each time you thank someone for their goodness you are encouraging a hero. The best thing you can do to help your children pick good heroes is to be one yourself. Pray for opportunities to serve others. Act selflessly on those opportunities. Introduce your children to heroes often and they will love you for it.

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You may hate your job and be struggling financially. It may seem like you rarely see your spouse. You may feel trapped by the mundane routines of life. Perhaps your children are treating you with disrespect as you struggle to meet the constant demands thrown at you.

One thing all of us have in common is that we want to be happy. We want to feel comfortable and confident. We work hard to be liked and recognized by others. We want to be remembered for something worthwhile. We want to smile and laugh. We want to be happy. So what does it take to be truly happy?

Define your purpose

When you define your purpose in life, everything changes. You feel an added sense of direction and confidence. Now, when your purpose includes helping others, life is more upbeat. You'll have an added energy in your step, and you will begin to see the brighter things of life. You'll see past your own challenges and notice opportunities to lift and strengthen others. By giving of your time, your kind words, forgiveness and encouragement (none of which cost any money) you will find a greater measure of happiness in your life.

Serve others

To feel and experience true happiness, we must look for opportunities to serve others. In regards to reaching out to others in their time of need, religious leader Thomas Monson explained "We are surrounded by those in need of our attention, our encouragement, our support, our comfort, our kindness - be they family members, friends, acquaintances, or strangers. We are the Lord's hands here upon the earth"�to serve and to lift His children. He is dependent upon each of us."

During the dark moments of life, recognizing opportunities to provide service to those around us is hard. We would rather compare our challenges and look at how much worse we have it than them. Looking beyond our own struggles we will begin to see the challenges of others. Sometimes reaching out with a simple visit, a phone call, a smile or a kind note can ease the heavy burden someone else is called to bear.

How to uncover the closely guarded secret to happiness

Think of someone you know that is struggling with life. It may be someone with a recent divorce, the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, a new person who just moved into the neighborhood, a young couple with a new baby. When you have that person in mind, ask yourself, "What can I do to help?" You will soon discover ideas come into your mind that are specifically designed to help that individual. Act on those ideas and watch the magic unfold. You will create a smile where there was a frown, a laugh where there was crying, happiness where there was sadness, friendship where there was loneliness and hope where there was despair. Now pay close attention to the feelings that you have after you help others - that is true happiness. This is a feeling that will change your life and the lives of others for the better.

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