Hello. My name is Livi, and I am an ugly crier. A Hallmark commercial, a sad article on Facebook about an elderly person or child, a movie where a character overcame difficult odds; it doesn't take much for me to start "cry-heaving." It's not pretty. At this point in my life, I've decided to give up the dream of not being too emotional and just start leaning into it.

My husband and I recently watched the movie "Brooklyn" at home. The film is about an Irish immigrant who goes to the United States during the 1950's and the challenges she experiences. In one scene, the Irish community in Brooklyn provides a Christmas meal to many of the old, homeless Irish men who have immigrated to the United States only to find themselves out of work. The tired lines of sad looking men shuffle into the church hall and receive warm food and happy faces from the volunteers. As someone who had Irish ancestors also leave their country in search of a better life, I was extremely touched by this scene. Cue: me bawling and ugly crying. It was not cute.

Luckily, I have an understanding and patient husband who's pretty used to this type of reaction by now. As I sat there, unable to stop the tears running down my face like a baby, my husband simply said: "Are you doing ok? Just feeling lots of feelings? That's ok."

Coming from the grand champ of ugly criers, here is some advice on how to deal with upset feelings if you are married to someone who happens to be an ugly-crier:

1. Listen

Often, when ugly crying happens, whether the ugly cry is about a serious problem in life, or over something silly like a nice thank you card, your wife most likely wants you to simply listen understandingly. She doesn't want you to fix it right now; she just needs to feel some feelings, feel heard and get through the cry.

2. Don't freak out

After 7 years my poor, angelic husband has seen a lot of ugly crying (bless his heart). He gets that now, at least most of time, I've just got to get the crying out of my system and then I'll feel better. He's gotten so good at waiting patiently and listening with an arm around my shoulder that he could write a self-help book entitled, "Living With An Ugly Crier: How to Survive." He knows from experience that whether the problem is actually serious or only trifling, it is better solved if I am able to get the cry over and express my worries.

3. Affirm

Before you can move on from the problem, make sure you give your wife validation and affirm her feelings. Even if you think she is being over-anxious or spiraling, affirm that you understand why she would feel upset. My husband is very good in that when we solve problems; he will simply take my hands and first walk through all the things that he agrees with. For us, most of the time, the issues I'm anxious about are real and are things that need to be solved. Because my husband is patient with my worries and emotions, we are able to work through our problems together and dismantle what the real issues are and what we may be blowing out of proportion.

4. Be the balance

My husband is also really good about walking me through ugly crying situations when there actually is a problem that needs to be solved.

There is a scene in an episode of the popular mockumentary "The Office" where two characters quit their day jobs to start their own risky company, and it's not going very well. When one character, Michael, starts to give up hope and emotionally spiral out of control, the other character Pam says, "I have doubts about this too. But when one person freaks out, sometimes it weirdly makes the other one calmer. That's one thing I've learned about relationships." Later in the episode, the tables turn when Pam gets upset and Michael is then calm and provides the voice of reason for Pam.

I feel like emotional spouse relationships are similar to this. We all have areas of life that stress us out more than our spouse- and that is what is great! We can balance each other out by taking advantage of the times we feel calm to help our spouse.

5. Be nice

Whether I am crying over all the porcelain Easter decorations I dropped all over the garage floor and destroyed or about a serious concern in our lives, my husband knows above all, just to be nice to me. Withhold judgment from the ugly crier in your family and try to see the benefits you receive from them being such a wonderfully sensitive person! After all, non-callous, empathetic people are hard to find these days, right?

The post 5 things your wife wants you to do when she is ugly crying appeared first on FamilyToday.

Whatever we humans believe, it is a fact of life that we will all die. So naturally, the concept of life and death has largely shaped human history and behavior.

While I was studying in Florence, Italy, one of my favorite places to visit was the Baptistery of St. John. I found it fascinating for its beautiful Romanesque mosaics.

Upon entering the building where key Renaissance figures such as Dante and members of the Medici family were baptized, your eyes instantly go to the ornate, golden mosaic ceiling.

The ceiling's artwork depicts scenes, such as the last judgment, a large majestic image of Christ as well as the rewards of the saved and the damned. The mosaic shows the plight of sinners in hell suffering punishments like being burned and being eaten by one particularly famous multi-headed monster.

Humanity has always based its beliefs, at some level, on life after death or the lack thereof. Even atheists model a good part of their belief system on the fact that they do not believe in life after death. Reincarnation, Christian resurrection, the Rapture — the list could go on.

So, does a belief in heaven or hell give you a better quality of life? I would argue that it does.

When those we love die

Recently, someone close to me passed away. I had never been through such an experience, and going through it has changed me forever. As humans, we try our best to control everything we can. But death is something we have very little say in.

I have always believed in an afterlife; but after experiencing this death of a loved one, I feel closer to that reality than ever. It simply does not make sense to me that we would feel such love and attachment to others in this life for it not to mean something after death. Knowing this — knowing there is more — changes everything for me.

To be sure is to have peace

Having a surety of life after death has given me such peace and happiness. To believe that I will see my late loved ones again and that they currently exist in spirit brings such happiness, stability and comfort to my life. As I have grown older, it has also helped me in overcoming fear of death.

To know that the part of life I have the least control over, my death, is controlled by a loving God in whom I believe, brings me peace and lessens my anxiety.

The "renters" principle

There is a reason renters put down a deposit. Not having ownership in something, or finding a situation only temporary, naturally creates a situation of apathy. If you don't plan on keeping the house, you probably care less about the amount of holes you put in the wall or spills you make on the carpet. So too with life — if you believe there is more, if you believe there is consequence or progress beyond death, it changes the way you act. Those who believe in an afterlife generally believe that they must act a certain way to be found in a favorable position in their next life.

At the end of the day, my actions are driven by my belief in an afterlife and my goals to attain it.

I believe this is a vastly common condition and naturally will make a person want to and try to be better. With such goals, actions in life become more examined and purposeful, and relationships seem more eternal and of more consequence.

The post Can believing in heaven and hell give you a better quality of life? appeared first on FamilyToday.

To say I was humiliated would not be an exaggeration. There it was — open for my husband and I to see; the evidence scrawled flirtatiously in glittery pink gel pen: two pages of girly notes chronicling my middle school crushes smack in the middle of my 12-year-old journal.

And to top it all off sat the pink glittery ChapStick kiss outline on the page. I cringed then. I'm cringing worse now.

I had forgotten about my middle school journals and the silly things pre-teen girls write about.

At one point, I had actually wanted to get rid of those two pages and a couple others because I was embarrassed about the silly things I had written. But my wise husband encouraged me not to. "You can't censor your past, 13-year-old self," he said. And it was good advice.

It's probably natural for us to, at some level, feel slightly invincible. I don't think many of us walk around constantly contemplating the fact that any moment could be our last.

But what if it was?

If you died tomorrow, what would your new baby, your children, your husband or your family members really know about you? What would you want them to know and understand about you?

Here are a few easy ways to tell your loved ones about your life:

Decide what you want them to know

In case you aren't there to explain things to your children or loved ones one day, think about the most important things you want them to know. Jot down a quick list for yourself and begin there. You may want to start by simply writing out answers to some of these questions.

Use technology

In the "iPhone" age, almost everything we do is recorded. Have you ever contemplated how much of your day is cataloged? Texting, social media posts, email or even comments on an online article - if you really think about it, we're already spending a lot of hours every day recording our lives. So make it work for you!

"Copy and paste journaling"

I signed up years ago for jrnl.com and I use it constantly. About half the time the entries I make are copied and pasted from somewhere else I've already recorded something, versus an original entry. I love that I can preserve my personal history this way, even if I don't have time to write an original journal entry.

Saving a Word document on your computer would work just as well as an online journaling source.

A few things I "copy and paste journal" from include:

1. Notable texts

A particularly sweet message from my husband, a family chain about a problem to be solved or an extra funny comment from text messages are sometimes the most enlightening and revealing content to add to your personal history.

2. My to-do list

I don't add everything from my to-do list in my journal, but I do try to make note of any that might be noteworthy or show history. You'd be surprised at how looking back at old "to-do's" can map your life. It may sound worthless, but think about how priceless a detailed to-do list from your ancestor in the early 1800s would be to you.

3. Facebook posts

I don't journal everything I post on Facebook, but if I share a notable part of my life, a particularly funny moment from my day or a belief about something on Facebook, I save myself the trouble of needing to rewrite it and simply copy and paste into my online journal.

4. Instagram

There are many sources for preserving your Instagram feed. My favorite is Chatbooks, which is a printing service that will, for a small fee, automatically print books of your photos as your Instagram feed grows. You are able to edit, delete and customize everything beforehand. You can chronicle so much history from online photo posting! I already love my little Chatbook library chronicling our history.

Save greeting cards

I went through a period where I threw Christmas, birthday and other types of cards away, because storing them over the years stressed me out. But now I regret it! Then I found a way to easily store old cards to take up little space and be accessible: key rings! Simply get a single-hole punch tool, a couple key rings, and hole punch away! The cards take up little room on your shelf and when you do want to go check them out, they all flip easily on your key rings. This also makes it easy to add and take away. For important letters I send myself, I try to make a photo copy to keep in my "card ring" as well.

Smash book

My friend recently introduced me to the idea of smash book and I love it! The basic idea is that you buy some type of (medium to large) notebook or journal, and paste objects you'd like to save in the book. Then "smash" the notebook to condense it. As I was putting my smash book together, I realized that I already had some perfect "smash book" candidates around my house. Random photos I'd hung onto, small notes, mementos, print outs from my Instagram account, foreign coins and more. It was easy to simply tape in those random, treasured mementos I already had in my house but had no place to put before.

Bulleted lists

The idea of writing memoirs or detailed journals or scrapbooks can be overwhelming. But at the end of the day, the most important thing is to leave the information behind that is most important to you. So simply taking a few pieces of paper and jotting down a bulleted list of "things I want you to know," or "things I believe," or even a list of your history may one day be an invaluable, irreplaceable treasure to your loved ones.

The post If you died tomorrow, what would your baby know about you? appeared first on FamilyToday.

With almost any information in the world available at the stroke of a Google search, religious and philosophical schools of thought are more accessible than ever. Additionally, because our lives are becoming increasingly more public online, an individual's personal religious journey can also become more visible to family and friends.

So what do you do when you see friends around you seemingly running from God? How do you stay strong while watching loved ones experience a crisis of faith?

1. Don't determine what you believe from Facebook

Everyone knows Facebook is a funny land with its own rules, where your news feed can spew out almost any information to you that is available online. What we see on Facebook is largely determined by what we historically click on, what our Facebook friends read and share and what someone is willing to pay to put in front of you. So, in general, what you see on Facebook is probably not the most well-rounded, objective perspective on any given topic. Just because something catches a lot of attention on Facebook, Twitter or other social media platforms, doesn't make it accurate or even as generally accepted as its number of likes purports.

Don't base what you believe on viral articles or friends' social media rants alone. To determine your own beliefs, reach further than distracting, low-hanging fruit. Do your own research. A handful of friends' opinions or sensational blog post shares-which populate next to kitty memes and life-hack videos-may not be the best indication of reality for such a topic of substance.

The best answers come from the original source. Critical outside voices are unlikely to give objective information or evaluations on the matter. Research from within your religion, ask honest questions, find answers in your own religious texts and, of course, go to God in prayer for answers to your questions. Don't give in to the temptation to get an easy, quick answer from somewhere online that may likely be inaccurate and one-sided.

2. Don't wait to decide what you believe until someone tells you

First determine what you believe-whether you're a person of faith or not, orthodox or reformed, practicing or not. Be sure in your beliefs before those beliefs are tested so you can view religious discussion from an objective perspective. Examine your own life and really ask yourself why you believe what you do and why you live life a certain way. If you can do this, you'll be able to bridge the gap of differences of opinion when friends go the opposite direction.

3. Be respectful

If people around you are running from God, be respectful. Their changing beliefs are just as big of a part of their lives as belief is in yours. Extend the respect and boundaries you would hope to receive in return when talking about such personal and sensitive topics. Most likely, a friend leaving behind a shared belief has nothing to do with you. So don't make it personal. Try to respect that your friend is truly trying to do what's best for him or her, even if you don't agree.

It can be very painful when important parts of life you previously shared with friends are abandoned by them, but remember you are first their friend and all people have a right to their own beliefs and journeys. Although it is vastly easier said than done, try to be the bigger person and take the high road if hurtful things are said. Remember one's faith is often the most important part of one's life, so the topic is likely going to be sensitive for both sides.

4. Agree to disagree

It may seem strange to suddenly have fundamental differences of belief from those close to you. You may feel compelled to influence each other towards your respective ideas. There is nothing wrong with this, and open discussion of differences of beliefs can be healthy. But, if a point is reached where neither of you will budge, just agree to disagree. No two people in the world think exactly alike despite any amount of similarities. Friendship, understanding and respect can still easily exist among friends with changing beliefs, lifestyles or religions.

It's okay to disagree. To have healthy, substantial relationships you do not need to apologize or compromise your beliefs. If you feel your friends are trying to convince you too aggressively or are overly critical, kindly tell them you don't agree and you'd rather not discuss it.

At some point, you both may need to accept that for the time you disagree and that's where you'll leave it. Move on from differences and focus on similarities, shared interests and values. No matter the circumstance, everyone can find common ground.

5. Go to your source

To stay strong when your friends are running from God, go to your own source of strength and belief. Even our closest associates, at the end of the day, don't determine what we believe or the strength of our relationship with God. Turn to what you know, learn more and try every day to put your values and faith into practice.

Relying on God and your own desire to know truth will outweigh any outward distracting influence. This may include prayer, talking with religious leaders and actively participating in church groups or your community of shared belief. Studying religious texts, attending worship services, participating in religious practices and focusing on the set of commandments you adhere to will help put your belief in the front of your life and bring you peace from doing what you believe is right.

Remember, staying strong is about being faithful to God and trying to do what is right. To stay strong, remember not only why you believe what you do but also why you want to.

The post 5 keys to staying strong when your friends are running from God appeared first on FamilyToday.

It is nice to have a supportive and happy marriage naturally, but there are also many things couples (both young and old) can do that can make a marriage relationship more meaningful and smooth.

Keep it within the marriage

My husband and I decided when we were engaged that what happened in our marriage was sacred and personal and would remain that way. Not only do we not discuss disagreements we may have with others, but we also keep personal thoughts and experiences safe between us.

Never belittle - always praise

Naturally, in our marriage, we never belittle each other. We especially don't criticize each other in public. We always back the other person up within all our interactions outside the marriage.

We are also generous in our praise. It is not hard for me to find things to sincerely praise my husband about and thank him for. He is also my greatest advocate, cheering me on, believing in me and reminding me of all the good that I do. We maximize the good and downplay the bad to keep it positive in our marriage. We have found this makes marriage so much more enjoyable.

Use a gentle voice

It is amazing how much of a difference it can make if gentle, quiet voices are used at home. If there is a disagreement, confusion, or one of us just feels upset from the day, we have found that using quiet, gentle voices stops the escalation of the problem and minimizes the negativity.

Find things in common to have fun

We have found that one of our favorite parts of marriage is enjoying how much we have in common. Work hard to find things you both can engage in and enjoy. If this is harder to come by naturally, then be willing to take the time and effort to appreciate what your spouse is passionate about.

Consult on decisions

My husband and I have an unwritten rule that we consult each other on all decisions, especially big ones. We make sure we are a team on all things involved in our family. That may be monthly budgeting or major life choices such as school or a job. But we always make sure we are on the same page before we commit to anything.

Don't compare

We have found that comparing is a waste of energy and brings bad vibes into the relationship. This includes either spouse comparing themselves to others, or comparing the relationship to another we may see. You never have all the facts and everyone is different.

Service and listening

Love can blossom easily when each marriage partner takes the time to help and give service to their spouse. One part of this is listening. Actively listening can make all the difference in a marriage.

Romance

Make sure to go on dates, take time to get dressed up for each other and have fun. In my marriage, we have found that our romance blossoms (instead of fades) more with each year. I believe this is because of our deep respect for each other and the time we set aside to have fun and really listen to the other person.

Marriage is tested by all the pressures in life, but I have found in my marriage, that using these steps makes marriage a safe haven from all that outer stress.

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