My husband and I took the kids bowling a few days ago. The first game was a given. As usual, my husband won the first game and I was a close second. There was a huge gap between second and third place.

In other words, our children lost to mom and dad .... badly.

Our daughter took it lightly, laughing and pledging her revenge (which she gave) in the next game. My son, almost as competitive as his parents, did not handle the loss well. He pouted. He groaned and pulled the it's not fair card. Now, most parents, at this point, would have allowed their child to redeem their loss by giving their child the upper-hand.

Most parents.

He came in fourth the second game too. Dad was dethroned by our daughter and I sailed into third place with a mediocre bowl. As we got into the car to go home, my son looks at us and says, "That was really fun. I know I lost but I think if I can figure out how to keep my wrist straight, I will beat you next time Daddy."

There is a great lesson in losing.

Losing can challenge you.

Losing can teach you.

Losing can also humble you.

In today's society, people do not lose well.

• When our points are challenged, we become defensive, refusing to see a different point of view.

• When we think something should have happened a particular way we become victims instead of seeing it as a chance to grow.

• When we are afraid, we breed hate and division and claim it is the only way to get our point across.

Our humanity is lost in our loss.

Society is full of sore losers.

What a sad place when we cannot experience a loss and still remain respectful.

It was OK for my son to be mad that he had lost. It was OK to show emotion but it was not OK for him to make camp in his feelings. The loss challenged him. It also reminded him that he was not always going to be the best, the brightest, the strongest, the fastest or even the winner. But instead of seeing his loss as a complete waste, he saw the challenge and chose to learn and grow from it.

Parents, it is important to teach our children how to navigate life when we lose and when we fall short. It is important for parents to raise children that do not lose their humanity or their humility when they experience upset.

And I am not just speaking about in a game of bowling.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Sarah West's website. It has been republished here with permission.

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I have a dear friend whose child's favorite line is: "This is the worst day EVER!"

You can't help but laugh when you hear the words emotionally roll out of his mouth. I know just how he feels. I have those same days too!

In fact, I think I had one yesterday. It didn't take me long before I was reciting "It's the worst day ever" in my head.

And that's all it takes, isn't it?

One email.

One attitude.

One feeling.

And in that moment, you respond not in truth but in how you feel.

But there is a lesson in these moments. It is a lesson we all dare to learn and teach our children.

How we feel is not always based in truth

And just because we don't understand it, doesn't mean it's wrong.

I hope you see where I'm going with this ... If not, keep reading.

We live in a world that tells us we are our own masters. We are told that how we feel is important, almost to a debilitating degree. We unintentionally tell our children to follow their heart, which is subjective at best, but seldom point them to objective truth.

And there is a difference: Our truth and God's truth.

And you don't have to always understand that truth, but as believers, it's in your best interest to follow it.

Sometimes, it is much easier to go with my own subjective view of truth than walk in God's. Why? Well, because God's is not always fun, or easy, or popular. It's in the times that I know what God's word tells me to do in situations that I find myself yelling in my head, "Worst day ever!"

But it doesn't change the truth because I don't feel like walking in it

I was dealing with a situation the other day that literally made my blood boil. Two years ago, I would have responded totally different, even as a believer. I seriously thought of lashing out and apologizing later but God shut my mouth and reminded me of His truth ... and it had nothing to do with my feelings.

And here lies the issue with teaching children to feel their way through their lives.

• When things get hard, they succumb to the pressure.

• When God's ways are different from the worlds, they make a rendition of truth that is not backed up in scripture.

• Objective truth is traded for feelings.

It's dangerous and we, as parents, must teach our children to push past their feelings. To push past their flesh and submit to God even when we don't feel like it. It's a little old thing called obedience.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Sarah West's website. It has been republished here with permission.

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The term argue has gotten a really bad name and I think it's because we don't see true arguments anymore. We see two people getting emotional about topics they disagree on. We see people offended and responding offended but that is not arguing.

Allow me to get nerdy for a second. Here is a little Latin lesson for you.

arbutus "clear, bright, distinct or penetrating."

argumentum "evidence of proof."

arguo "to prove or reveal."

If you have two people who "get it" then this is what will happen:

You will both bring your "evidence" that will "prove or reveal" why you think what you think. It truly can be that simple but our pride gets in our way many times. Oftentimes, our "proof" is based on subjective truth, filled with emotion and we simply refuse to hear the case of the other. Oftentimes, you know you are in a pissing match because they attack your character, your intelligence and your entire countenance.

It's a trap, don't fall for it.

It is so important for us to teach our children how to argue their case for Christ. It is important for them to understand what they believe, why they believe and how to articulate their thoughts. When we equip our children, they will grow confident in their thoughts and when confronted, as they will be eventually, our children will stand on their convictions, not kneel to the pressure.

A few weeks back, my daughter was put in a situation that most adults would be uncomfortable in. My daughter was able to argue, respectfully, her point. So from her argument, I will give you three reasons why our children need to be taught to argue.

1. It prepares them for the world

You won't be there when they go to college mom and dad. If you are, well, that's kinda creepy. There is nothing more frightening for a kid that has never learned the value of a good argument to hit their first college class and be slammed by an atheist professor. It happened to me. All I could say to his taunts was, "I have faith."

2. It prepares them for different view points, even in the Christian circle

How can you argue for something when you don't know what the "it" is? I see so many believers falling to false doctrine because they don't know what they believe and how to argue it. When they get into an argument, they have no idea how to defend it. Our children need a world view. Our children need to understand their viewpoint is not the only viewpoint. It will make them better arguers.

3. It pushes them to "own" their thoughts

When you are taught to argue your point, it requires you to claim that information. I make my students teach my Rhetoric class, not because I'm evil (insert evil laugh here) but because I know when they take charge of the information, they own it and retain it.

Arguing is not a bad thing. It doesn't have to be mean-spirited. I posted a video on Facebook, sharing some of my political beliefs and a few other things. I had some praise me while others argued with me. It was a beautiful civil dialogue ... yet we all brought clear, precise evidence that we felt would prove our point. Today, we did not agree, but I know because of how we argued, with respect and dignity, truth will be found and God honored.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Sarah West's website. It was republished here with permission.

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Yet again, here we sat at the kitchen table, tears streaming down her face. Regardless of how many times we went over the math rule, my daughter simply could not grasp what she was to do. I would show her a problem, work it with her and then ask her to try the next equation alone. The more I attempted to explain the concept to her, the more aggravated we both became.

Why was this so hard?

Instead of taking a moment and stepping away from the math lesson, I continued to try and explain what she needed to do. My daughter placed her head on the kitchen table and began sobbing. The harder she cried, the harsher my tone turned. Before I realized it, I was yelling.

Pointing at her textbook, I harshly asked, "Why are you making this so hard? It's a simple rule. I know you can do it. Try harder."

I am not proud of that particular mom/teacher moment I just shared but I believe it is a moment many of us parents have experienced in some form. Maybe your temper do not flare during a math lesson, but your child does something he/she knows is not right yet they do it anyway. Many times instead of tempering the stressful situation with grace and love, our flesh comes out and we tear them down instead of build them up.

Our tongue is a powerful thing- used for construction or destruction.

When I calmed down, I went to my daughter and tried to justify why I had raised my voice. "I push you because I know what you are capable of. That is why I get so aggravated." Even as I write my words, I see that it was such a lame excuse.

I half-heartedly apologized to my daughter, still feeling justified in why the situation escalated in the first place. My daughter turned to me and said, "Mom, your words are so harsh sometimes. It makes my heart sad."

God humbled me that day

As parents, we can justify what we say as motivation or tough love, but it is simply a matter of life and death.

In parenting, we can speak life over our families or we can speak death. On that particular homeschool day, I spoke death. I crushed her confidence. God used that momentous moment to remind me of a time that something very similar was spoken over me - in a 7th grade math class of all places...

I struggle with numbers. No one has ever been able to explain the why behind certain math rules and it drives me crazy. I am a question asker. If something does not make sense, I question it. If I want to know something, I ask it. I have found in my later years that really annoys certain types of people. My 7th grade math teacher was no exception.

In a room full of thirty or more students, my teacher was explaining a math concept that was simply over my head. I was trying really hard not to ask her anymore questions but I could not figure out a problem. Instead of asking her, I leaned over to my friend in class and asked her to explain it. In my 12-year-old brain, I was being a good student by not disturbing teacher. Apparently, I had annoyed her. Standing up, my teacher walked over to my desk. Looming over me, she asked, "Can you do nothing on your own? Are you stupid?"

I felt the crimson rising in my cheeks. I wanted to cry and hide under my desk. The room was silent and everyone was looking at me. Thank goodness the bell rang and it was time to go home. The words are you stupid played over and over in my head on the bus ride home.

Death was spoken over me that day and my spirit was broken. For a long time, I stopped asking questions out of fear that the person I was asking would retaliate. It takes me feeling safe with an individual, even to this day, to ask a question without having concern that I will be attacked.

Now, here I am with my daughter, desiring to foster an environment that welcomes questions and struggles and I did exactly what my math teacher did to me. For the second time that day, I went to my daughter and asked her to forgive me. I cried over my transgressions and explained, not in an attempt to excuse, but the personal thorn I had when it came to math.

What we speak into our children is very important and often times what we speak is laced with fear due to our own shortcomings. I am still not confident in math and it is a large reason why I want my daughter to be. I want her confident just as any parent would want their child, but the way we do it is very important.

We build confident children by speaking life into them, not death.

• We speak life in their achievements.

• We speak life into their friendships and relationships.

• We speak life into their surroundings.

• We speak life into their futures.

• We speak life into their character.

• We speak life into them by teaching God's truth and not our own.

Prayer:

Father God, help me be a speaker of life and not death. Show me the beauty in all situations and help me teach my children to do the same. Guard our minds and our tongues so that we are builders and not destructors.

Editor's note: This article was published on Heartskeeper. It has been republished here with permission.

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We have all been there. Sometimes we are the offender while other times we are the offended. It is a hard place to be and often, when the emotions subside, we realize the issue could have been handled with so much more maturity and respect.

I can recall a heated argument with someone I considered as a dear friend. The pain of her words still hurt when I think about how quickly she dismissed me and our friendship. To this day, I have no idea what caused such a rapid decline in our relationship but I learned some valuable lessons.

None of us will ever be perfect and there will be more times than we care to admit that we could have handled a conflict differently.

After the fact, what can we do to minimize the effects of a conflict in our marriages, friendships and even professional relationships?

1. Don't dwell on it

Regardless of who was right or wrong, let it go. I am the world's worst at obsessing over what I should have said or should have done. Regardless, the conflict is over and we need to learn to move on. Learn what you can from the experience, accept what happened and focus on making the relationships in your life better by moving towards your future, not dwelling in your past.

2. Don't become a martyr

Maybe you held your tongue with your spouse or a disrespectful friend. Good for you but don't pat yourself on the back too much. Taking a higher road does not make you the "better person." Taking the higher road makes you an adult. We should not self gloat in our own self-righteousness. No one wins when someone gets offended. We all lose something. Sometimes, the loss is a relationship, respect and/or community.

3. Don't take sides

Again, there is not a winner when there is a quarrel. Oftentimes, however, there is an unfair line drawn in the sand by each opposing party. We should not expect others in our lives to choose who they will defend. Our children should never be thrown in our battles to buffer nor should our family and friends. If it is not their battle to fight, leave them out of the conflict. Having people take your side in an argument to prove you were right only shows how insecure and petty you are being about the issue.

4. Don't take it to social media

You can get on your pick of social media sites and someones entire life is posted for your viewing pleasure. If an argument with your friend or spouse was that heated, take a day or so off before posting. You might regret what you type later. You might be able to erase it, but if they read it, it will always be there in their head. Your conflict is not news worthy. Stop posting your every issue.

5. Don't take it as a bad thing

Many times when conflict between people takes place, we automatically think everyone and everything is against us. When strife happens, take it as an opportunity to learn. Take the chance to learn how to better manage conflict and yourself. We must be open to learning from the experience. Oftentimes, there is truth somewhere in the midst of conflict.

Conflict can grow your relationships or it can destroy them. Much of what happens is up to us. It takes spiritual maturity to handle issues properly and more often than not, it requires us to consider another's self-interest over our own agendas. We have to be intentional in how we approach, how we respond and most importantly, how we love one another - even in conflict.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Heartskeeper. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Conflict: How to successfully navigate rocky terrain appeared first on FamilyToday.

My children and I had just returned from a fun-filled day of watching college soccer at the local university. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do upon return to our home was to collapse on the couch and relax before starting dinner. That is when it happened. Just like clockwork my youngest child walks up to me, lets out an exasperated sigh and says, "Mom, I'm so bored. Will you play a game with me?"

I suggested a few alternatives to my participation, yet nothing seemed to suffice his boredom. Just when I was about to cave in, I remembered the dirty word that another mom-friend had recently taught me. I decided to give it a try.

No.

No, I do not want to play a game. No, I do not want to be your entertainment. Go outside. Play with your sister. No, I am done.

As it rolled off my tongue, it did not even seem natural. It went against every fiber of my being. I wanted to say yes out of love for my child. I wanted to say yes because I felt the obligation and guilt that most moms feel when they refuse their child's request.

Does this seem familiar? Maybe you are a yes person with your job, your friends or your personal schedule. I am, by very nature, a yes person. I enjoy helping. I want to bake three dozen cookies for your daughter's club meeting. I want to host a last minute slumber party for my daughter and her friends. I want to say yes when in reality I really should say no.

The two letter dirty word is not always easy to utter, but so necessary in the busy world in which we live. Here are three reasons over-committed people need to hear and learn to say the word no:

1. Over-commitment can hurt much more than feelings

A dear friend of mine shared her story of over-commitment. Not only did she start forgetting what she had committed to, she also ended up losing a friendship. I know we might think we are doing what is right by saying yes to another task or relationship, but eventually over-committing will drain you. You cannot juggle everything and expect not to drop something. It is better to do a few things great than a lot of things mediocre. People that truly are looking out for your best interest will understand when you say you cannot do something. In fact, most friends would prefer you be honest and say no. It could save a lot of heartache down the road.

2. Your love tank is dangerously low

There is a difference when you are doing something out of obligation and something out of love. Sometimes, when we don't know how to say no, we get in situations that make us miserable and it is reflected in our demeanor and our performance. We become bitter and can resent the very thing or person we agreed to help. Just as you give, you need moments in which you receive. When your love tank is empty, it will make you emotionally and mentally tired. You will begin to see your commitment as a problematic task you must complete out of forced duty and not desire. You simply cannot give what you don't have in you to give. Take time, refuel and refocus.

3. You aren't the only solution

This point has always been difficult for me to digest. Many times I feel like I must say yes because if I don't the world will end. Note: None of us are that special. I had to learn the hard way that I am not the only solution to life's problems. We are all gifted in different areas and there are some tasks in life that I simply cannot do or should I even attempt. There is, however, someone that is gifted in that particular area of need. How awesome is it to know that regardless of our differences, we are all so awesomely designed to fit pieces of a bigger puzzle. It is OK not to be the right puzzle piece.

We cannot be everywhere at every moment. We cannot be everything to everyone - not even to our family and friends. And the good thing is we don't need to be. It is time for each of us over-committed yes people to start using that dirty word NO. Let's renew our spirits, our bodies and our minds. Our families will thank us for taking time out for ourselves and we will be thankful we did too!

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Recently, I feel my brain has been on complete overload. In between long stints at the computer working on my upcoming book release and homeschooling, I swear I started sparking! I guess that is what happens when full access to everything is at the tip of your fingers 24/7. I carry this little device around in my back pocket and with just one click, I can get directions, read the news and do a little cyber stalking- I mean, why would I not want to know every feeling everyone has had since their day started? Why would I not want to see yet another culinary creation of the ham and cheese?

So, I decided that I needed a few days of total disconnect. I knew that it would be difficult because my work is so closely connected to social media. In order to avoid falling into the author abyss, I prescheduled my articles for the dates I needed them to go out and I powered down. What happened next was almost too terrifying to write about but everyone deserves to hear the horrible things that happened when I took a social media sabbatical. Are you ready? Brace yourselves.

Nothing happened. I mean absolutely nothing. Of course I missed a few invites to play "8 Ball Pool" and I sadly missed the chance to admire the billionth duck-lip selfie so many love to posts. But ultimately, I found that my time was better spent doing other things. Here are five things that did happened when I powered down.

1. Instead of posting my memories, I participated in them

We literally are a society that posts every little detail of our lives. We post when we are on vacation. We post when we are on dates with our spouses. We post when our children are sick and at the doctor's office. In fact, I am afraid we are so busy posting that we forget we need to be participating. I am discovering that there are some things in my life that I want to keep private. There are memories being made with my children that I don't want to share. The rare opportunities I have with my husband alone don't need to be spent taking pictures of the food at the restaurant but instead spent in deep conversation and appreciation for the man God placed in my life.

My life doesn't need to be a continual #hashtag.

2. My prayer time took priority again

I will confess there are mornings when I wake up and the first thing I do is grab my phone. I do a quick sweep of my social media pages and then I check emails. Oh look, another coupon for 10% of my next purchase. How would I have made it through the day without that email? In my brief stint offline, I learned that we must be intentional about what we allow to shape our day. I don't want the first thing my heart and mind meditate on to be everyone else's thoughts, memories and opinions. When I began my days on my knees, my whole perspective was different the rest of the day. My heart and mind were set on things above and I can assure you it drastically change my entire path for the day.

When things happened and life wasn't going my way, I hit my knees and not the share button.

3. I was productive

And by productive, I do not mean in an "I pinned 400 new Pinterest recipes" productive. I feel it's just easier to get lost in the social media world than deal with my world. Sometimes, when I have lots to do, I find myself retreating instead of dealing. I will admit that I can get drawn in by the easy access and before I know it I have been online much longer than I intended.

My guess is others do this exact thing. When I put down the phone, I realized I had a lot of idle time that was used to surf the web. It gets to a point which you have to acknowledge that your lack of productivity is greatly related to your focus. At some time, we must push the distractions aside and get the tasks done.

4. I stopped comparing every second of my life to everyone else's

I am a firm believer that our lack of personal productivity can be attributed to our excessive focus on everyone else. I follow a lot of writers and bloggers. Sometimes after seeing their accomplishments, I start to question myself. The comparisons are quicksand to me. I can assure you when I let the doubts creep in my life, I get nothing done. A lot of us look at social media and think the same thing.

I've accomplished nothing significant.

If I only had what they have.

Their lives are so perfect compared to mine.

Social media can be a lot of smoke and mirrors. It is easy to post a perfect family picture or only share the good times. Though we should be happy for the success of others, we need to remind ourselves that we only see what someone chooses to post. There is always another side to the story.

5. I am learning a balance

You read that I said learning, not learned. I have always had a love-hate relationship with social media. I hate the control it can have on my life but I love the freedom it provides to share and connect. In the world we live in, I find it almost impossible to completely go off the grid and if I am honest, I don't want to. I enjoy being able to log on and see what my friends are doing. Sometimes I don't even mind a post of the latest culinary masterpiece of my friends. I enjoy sharing an occasional picture and accomplishment with those that are far away and rely on the web to stay connected.

Social media connects and it's not all bad. But we, as the connector, have to find a balance. There is a life out there that deserves living and it's not always in front of a computer screen.

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If I am honest, one of my biggest fears is something happening to my children. I find myself constantly in a state of tug-of-war concerning how much freedom to give them. Since we homeschool, I am with them day in and day out. I see the areas where they are maturing and the areas we still need to focus on growing.

It can be hard to let go and let your children grow up

Our family made a major move about six months ago and I will tell you that we questioned if we had settled in the wrong area. Where we live is not "bad" but it is different. There are language barriers and a definite difference in family dynamics. Poverty was all around us and broken families were the norm. We were concerned that our children would not be able to acclimate to the different cultures and upbringings.

For sake of transparency, I will tell you that we kept our children very secluded the first few months. My husband and I were not afraid of our neighborhood for safety reasons. We were more concerned with what type of influence it would have on our children. Would all the instruction they were being taught at home be remembered when they were no longer in their element?

Had we, as homeschool parents, sheltered our children too much from the world?

I am pretty certain every parent, regardless of educational choice, wonders if they are properly preparing their children for the world at hand. Daily, my husband and I are seeing opportunities that will allow us to test their readiness. Test? Yes, you read that correctly.

So how do you know when your children are ready to step out into the great unknown? Here are two ways to test their readiness:

1. They will ask you

Parents, you know your children better than anyone. When children begin maturing, their need to break away becomes stronger. Our daughter started asking every time we went into the store if she could go in by herself and purchase what we needed. I am not talking about a $200 grocery list, but more of an emergency toilet paper and laundry detergent run at our local discount store. At first, every time she asked I would say no. I was afraid that people might think I was a bad parent.

Finally, I let her go in alone with cash in her hand as I waited in the truck. The look of pride she had on her face when she exited the store was priceless. All I did was allow her to purchase some household items for me while I waited a safe distance away. You would have thought she had won a million dollars. When she got back in the car, she told me, "I feel so important."

Why do we need to let our children exert their independence in safe environments? Simply put, it allows them to feel like they are contributing to the family (even in the smallest ways) and they are gaining immeasurable communication and people skills.

If we want our children to feel like their role in the world matters, we first must give them the opportunity to contribute to it.

It is education in its purest form.

2. They will fail or succeed

When you know your children will do fine, it's easier to let go of the reigns. But what if they aren't ready? You will never know until you let them try.One of the main reasons we kept our children "shut in" for the first few months was because of one incident with some neighborhood children. A little uneasy, I let my children invite a few of the neighborhood kids over to play in the yard. It was not long before both of them came back in the house and the neighborhood children were gone.

When I questioned the brevity of their play time, my little boy exclaimed, "Mom, they were talking dirty. I didn't like it." My daughter, being the firecracker she sometimes can be, looked at me and shrugged. "I told them if they were talking like that, they could go home. They went home."

Though it broke my heart that young minds were exposed to such vulgarity, I was very happy to see that my children had stood up even when it would make them stand out.

The play time scenario could have easily turned out differently. My children could have kept quiet and continue to play with them in order to have friends. They had a decision to make and they made it without me. They found their voice, not mine.

The silver lining to the story is that respect was gained. Those that appreciated my children's request started coming back around. Learning about differences and understanding that you can still be united under common ground has been a great experience for my children. It is one that I could never teach from a text-book.

After all, isn't life the best education a child could earn?

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Sarah West's blog, Heartskeeper. It has been republished here with permission.

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My family and I were in an unfamiliar city for a sporting event and wanted to go eat. So that my husband could help me navigate the unknown streets, he asked me to drive while he mapped out our destination. Every few minutes, my husband would tell me to take a right or left, in which I was very grateful. Then, we got into some heavy Saturday traffic. No matter what lane I was in, it seemed I needed to be in the other one. The kids were hungry and tired and I was frustrated and just wanted to get to our destination. This is when my temper got the best of me.

I decided to take a left turn to get away from the traffic and my husband suggested I take a right. Before I even realized it, I yelled, "Stop telling me what to do. I got this." As soon as the venom exploded out of my mouth, I regretted it. Looking over to my husband, I could see that I had really embarrassed him. Looking into the rearview mirror, I saw two children watching all of this disrespect playing out in front of them. I knew I had to do something.

Upon parking the car, I turned to my husband, gently placing my hand on his arm and said three little words. _I am sorry_. I apologized to him for snapping when he was simply trying to help me. I apologized to the children for displaying such disrespect to their father. Being the strong, sweet man that he is, my husband leaned over and kissed my cheek. The tension evaporated immediately but there are some sweet lessons we can learn about our men and what we need to do to honor and equip them to be the leaders of the home:

1. Let your husband lead by his own strength

The biggest complaint I hear from other women is that their man won't lead the family, be it in the area of discipline, finances or spiritual. I, too, have made those same complaints but when I pull back the veil of truth, I see that many times my husband couldn't lead because I was in the way.

Wives want a man to lead as long as it's the way they would lead. We want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders of the home, but only when it goes with what we want. We want our husbands to discipline the children until we think he is being too tough on them. Bluntly put, women like the idea of being led, but not the reality. Marriage is a give and take and sometimes you have to give more than you get back.

If all you do is fight your husband on every leadership decision he makes, expect him to eventually stop leading. In some sad cases, the husband will never even step up to the plate.

2. Back up your husband in front of the children

The eye roll or the long heavy sigh can be as disrespectful as vocally criticizing your spouse. Trust me when I say your husbands hear you loud and clear!Many times, your man is not the only one that sees the disrespect either. With children in the home, the manner in which you respond to your husband's leadership is just as important. If your husband sets a rule for the children to follow, don't roll your eyes or shake your head in disagreement in front of the kids. If you disagree with him on the decision, go talk about it and see if there is another solution.

I have been guilty of contradicting my husband on disciplinary actions when I think I know better. He will tell the kids not to do something and I will turn around and let them do it. The children pick up on that type of division and will use it to their advantage. Don't let disciplinary decisions divide and conquer your marriage.

3. Protect your husband in your circle of friends

Too often, a bunch of girlfriends will get together and the next few hours a "husband bashing" commences. I have been in the comfort of girlfriends and used it as a time to unload on all the negative traits of my husband. The best way to describe it is a bunch of sharks in a shark tank. The first blood spills (negative comment about the husband) and everyone dives in for a piece.

Before you know it, you have made the man you genuinely love out to be a villain in front of your friends. How is that honoring your marriage?

While many women are seriously just letting off some steam, there might be a girlfriend in that group that is truly having marital issues. I was teaching a bible study and shared the importance of honoring your spouse with your words and actions. I told them about a time when my husband and I struggled in our marriage, but how our faith had mended what the world would have deemed broken. I shared how my husband had grown as a leader, a friend and a father. A young woman, that I am honored to call a dear friend now, told me that the positive comments about my husband made her realize what she had not been doing in her marriage.

Instead of tearing your husband down while in conversations with friends, lift him up. It's a good thing to remember what you appreciate about your spouse. When you remember the good things, you will respond differently to him and in turn, he will respond differently to you.

4. Protect and honor your marriage bed

A man's love language is usually polar opposite of our own. Sex is very important and women have used it as their weapon of punishment for far too long. Don't believe me? Think of the last time you and your husband got into a fight. I can almost tell you what did not happen in the bedroom that night. Men aren't stupid. They know that in order to get what they want, they have to do what you want. It is called coercion and it makes me sad that we have distorted intimacy in marriage to be a game of give and take. Sex is meant to be shared between husband and wife, bringing them closer to one another, not just to a goal.

When couples are connected, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, the marriage roles will easily fall into place without the coercion, the complaining or the dictating. Try it and see how much better your relationship with your spouse gets. I would rather my husband lead his home out of love and desire than out of some forced obligation.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Sarah West's blog, Heartskeeper. It has been republished here with permission.

The post 4 things wives should do to help their husbands and their marriage appeared first on FamilyToday.

My husband's job takes him away from the home for at least 48 hours every few days. During his absence, I am the mom, the dad, the enforcer, the comforter, the chef, the good guy and often the bad one. The demands of motherhood can be exhausting. I am blessed to have a husband that may not be there to balance this thing we like to call parenting, but even in his absence he is very supportive and my strong tower when I am about to crack. But for whatever reason, life's demands almost got the best of me. What was wrong? Why did I feel so overwhelmed?

I had the love and support of a great man. I was lucky to be able to stay at home with my children all while pursuing my passion for writing. My family was healthy (though LOUD) and the relationships with them strong. I had no reason to feel overwhelmed. So I sat down and made a list of the reasons. After I made my list, I decided to quit.

Maybe you should consider quitting too. Here's what I decided.

I will quit allowing my emotions to lead me

During the chaotic times of life, being emotionally led can make you feel isolated, insignificant and inadequate. Instead, when hardships come, I will hold strong to what I know to be truth: I am loved, I am valued and I am needed.

I will quit neglecting myself

It's OK to sit down and read a book, have prayer time, head out for an adult only lunch or take an exercise class. I must take care of myself or I am useless to those I love. You cannot give from a love tank that is empty.

I will quit striving for perfection in my day to day and be happy with my best

I don't have to whip up three Pinterest-worthy gourmet meals. My kids are happy with a simple turkey sandwich and so should I. No one is expecting perfection from me. I should not demand it of myself nor from my family.

I will quit comparing my life to the depictions I see on social media

It is very easy to get engrossed with everyone else's perfect life on Facebook, Instagram, etc. What I must remember is that what I see is not always reality. No one tweets when their kid wets the bed.

It wasn't my kid's rowdy behavior or the multiple other things that were happening that day. It was the expectations I had placed on myself to be the perfect mom specimen. Well, I have news. The perfect mom does not exist. Much of our day-to-day stress could easily be eliminated if we would just allow ourselves to quit trying to be everything to everyone. It is OK to hang up a few hats once in a while.

You are loved.

You are valued.

You are needed.

The post I quit: Why other moms should consider it too appeared first on FamilyToday.