The day I found out I was expecting my first child, my life changed forever. Suddenly, my body was not my own. Everything I ate, listened to, did and felt was now a part of creating another person! I took nasty vitamins for her, threw up for her, devoted a good part of my budget to her and went through hours of painful labor to bring her into the world.

And she was so beautiful.

Over the next several years I had five more children making six total-four through birth and two through adoption. And nothing in life was my own. Grocery shopping was about what to feed other people. My schedule was about how to get other people where they needed to be. I woke up when they needed me and went to sleep only after they were safely tucked in and (please, oh please!) sleeping soundly. I got a dog not because I love dogs, but because my children love dogs.

My body was their body-they came to life and grew inside me, fed from me, climbed on me, hung on me, followed me into the bathroom, smeared peanut butter on my arms, brushed my hair during Barbie movies, poked me in the eye when they wanted me to wake up and threw their arms around me, nearly knocking me to the ground in their enthusiasm.

As my family grew, meals got bigger, water bills more expensive, laundry became never-ending and my life was one eternal round of squeals of delight, cries of "Not fair!" school projects, birthday parties, snuggling on the couch in piles of books and blankets, cleaning up after lunch and looking for lost socks. I thought it would last forever.

Then one Sunday afternoon, I looked at my oldest daughter and realized it was time to let her go. She was ready to graduate a year early and head off to college. Sitting right there on the couch with her on the floor in front of me, I burst into tears.

"What?" She looked alarmed.

"I have to let you go, don't I?"

She nodded and threw her arms around me in gratitude.

One by one, they all reached that point. College applications sprouted up amidst the homework, ACT scores and admissions requirements became regular dinnertime topics, my nights got later and later as I waited up for them to come home. One day I realized I could actually pee without interruption, and even though this had been the case for a few years, it still surprised me.

Last Friday, after weeks of planning, shopping, last minute projects ("Can you help me go through the boxes in the basement before you go?") I dropped my youngest son off at the airport. He's heading to another state to work for the summer before starting college and this crazy millennial version of adult life that only remotely resembles what I did at his age.

As I drove alone around the ring road on my way home, I had the strangest sensation. It was as if I was becoming unpregnant. My body is my own. My days are my own. My nights are my own. My fridge is my own. My water bill and toilet paper and vitamins and schedule and sleep pattern and ... everything! Everything is suddenly back to being my own.

I had a flashback to standing outside the tiny apartment I lived in when my first daughter was born, holding her and feeling that nothing was ever going to be the same.

I was right. It never was. It never will be.

I am a mother. Sometimes I feel like I always have been. I know that I always will be.

Once again, my life will never be the same. I am unpregnant.

I came home and FaceTimed my oldest daughter and her three beautiful children, then called my son and his adorable little girl. The circle is starting again. My life is my own. But in a bigger way, my life will always be theirs. Babies are growing and learning and loving, and I am so happy that I get to be a part of it all.

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"Most people are about as happy as they have made up their minds to be."- attributed to Abraham Lincoln

There are several things you can do lighten your mood and feel better about life. While these won't heal clinical depression, these simple steps can turn your down days into happy ones.

1. Smile

We usually smile because we are happy, but it turns out this works the other way around too. The more you smile, even when at first you don't feel like it, the happier you end up feeling.

2. Turn on happy music

Keep a playlist of songs that help you feel happy and give yourself a boost with a happy dose of upbeat music. For best results, sing along.

3. Notice your blessings

Take a moment to see all the great things you have going for you. Listing things you love about your life can be hard at first, but as you make yourself do it, happiness will start to seep into your heart.

4. Say "Thank you"

As you remember your blessings, tell someone thank you. Send a text, make a phone call, or say a prayer expressing gratitude. Expressing gratitude focuses attention on the positive things in your life.

5. Keep a "What I'm doing right?" journal

If you're struggling to feel like you are making a positive impact, grab a notebook and start a journal recording the things you are doing well, the times you make a positive impact, and the good choices you make. You'll see that you are actually amazing!

6. Get some sunshine

Sunlight is a natural antidepressant. Go for a walk, work in the yard, get the mail, or even just open the curtains and blinds. Sunshine can lighten your mood dramatically.

7. Exercise

Walking quickly for 35 minutes a day 5 times a week, or for 60 minutes 3 times a week, can ease clinical depression as much as taking antidepressants. (Source.) Even if it is just a few jumping jacks, it can increase your endorphins and lift your mood.

8. Get a good night's sleep

Getting caught up on sleep can turn the world around. If you don't believe me, check out a toddler who missed her nap. Hit the sack early for happy days.

9. Reach out and touch someone

Both literally and figuratively. Physical touch releases endorphins, much like exercise does. And reaching out to help someone refocuses your attention on others and is virtually guaranteed to increase your own happiness as well as theirs.

10. Eat chocolate

Because when all else fails, a good piece of chocolate is almost always helpful. Chocolate contains chemicals that temporarily elevate your mood. For best results, share chocolate with a friend.

The post 10 easy ways to feel happy appeared first on FamilyToday.

I was seated between a friend and the mayor at a charity event when the mayor said to me, "I don't think we've met. What do you do?"

I took a deep breath. I was so prepared for this question. "I run the Montclair Experiment Station."

The mayor blinked. "The what?"

My friend, clearly embarrassed for me, rushed to explain, "That's what she calls her homeschool. She stays home with her kids. All day."

The mayor stared at me awkwardly for a long moment before turning to the man on her other side.

I excused myself to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and blinked back tears. What was wrong with me? I worked hard at being the best teacher and mom I could be. Why did I think the name for my homeschool was clever when apparently it was embarrassing? If my friend had given me a chance to explain, I had what I thought was a clever explanation. But maybe that was embarrassing too. Maybe I was embarrassing.

I was in the throes of shame.

Shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are somehow flawed, unworthy of love and acceptance. According to Brené Brown-a research professor who studies vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame-no one gets a free pass in life. We all encounter feelings of shame.

Shame can hit us out of the blue if we don't know what our shame triggers are. And getting sucker punched with anything, particularly shame, isn't on anyone's list of top things to do. The good news is, you can start to develop what Brené Brown calls shame resiliency.

Shame resiliency is the ability to recognize what's happening when someone trips your shame trigger and to respond by recognizing your self-worth, rather than falling into a pit of shame. It starts with knowing what your shame triggers are.

People in shame tend to do one of three things-get angry, run and hide, or try to gain acceptance by being overly submissive. Fight, flight, or fawn.

There are a few categories where almost all women experience shame. When someone trips one of these triggers, remind yourself that you're feeling shame not because there is something wrong with you, but because someone tripped a shame trigger.

Appearance and body image

I don't think anyone is surprised to hear body image tops the list of shame triggers for women. Almost without exception women feel shame about something related to their appearance. Society sends strong messages that we must look a certain way to be loved and accepted. (Lies!)

Motherhood, family and parenting

If you think the body image messages are strong, wait until you hear how messages on motherhood and parenting are delivered! Everyone from childless strangers to mothers-in-law seems to have opinions on our families.

Money and employment

Whether women work inside or outside the home, as the breadwinners or budgeting what someone else earns, money and employment issues can trigger shame.

Mental and physical health

Admitting weakness, even to ourselves, can bring on feelings of unworthiness. For some reason we feel like we are supposed to be in peak physical and mental condition at all times.

Sex

A forbidden topic of discussion in many homes and cultures, sex triggers deep feelings of shame for many. Media portrayal of dysfunctional relationships and pornography contribute to making this a landmine-strewn emotional topic.

Aging

In a society that values youth and vitality, getting older is viewed as something to be avoided (how exactly?) rather than celebrated as a sign of increasing wisdom.

Religion

Oh. Sorry. Did I bring up the R word? Admitting to holding (or not holding) religious values can be an isolating and deeply shaming experience.

Stereotypes and labels

When we feel like others see us as "one of them," it creates feelings of being excluded and unloved.

Speaking out

Society gives women strong messages that we are supposed to be small and quiet, submissive and agreeable. Women say "sorry" much more often than men. When men speak up they are seen as authoritative leaders while women who do the same are often seen as rude and emotional. But really, how are we supposed to function in life without speaking up?

Surviving trauma and abuse

Admitting, even to ourselves, that we experienced abuse brings up those feelings all over again, causing us to feel week and unvalued.

Developing shame resiliency

Despite the universal experience of shame, while some people crumble under the weight of shame, others come out stronger! These people have developed shame resilience. There are a few things they have in common-things we can all learn to do.

1. Know your shame triggers. Look them in the eye and call them what they are. (You-Fat Label-are a shame trigger.)

2. Figure out how shame trigger thinking is flawed. So you aren't built like a runway model. So what? You have value in a million other ways. Remind yourself what they are.

3. Know what shame feels like in your own body. Do you start sweating? Feel like you're going to vomit? Shake? Become unable to breathe? Whatever they are, recognize the physical signs that your body is going into "fight, flight or fawn" because of shame.

4. Share your story with someone you trust. When you experience shame, confide in a friend who understands and can remind you of how wonderful you are. Sharing shame with someone else eliminates shame much the same way that opening the curtains eliminates shadows.

5. Speak shame. Call it what it is. When you share your story or think about how you are feeling, call shame what it is. "Hey! I'm feeling shame because he just mentioned my paycheck. That's one of my shame triggers."

The post 10 shame triggers for women, and 5 ways to overcome them appeared first on FamilyToday.

Self-esteem is the confidence we feel in ourselves and our abilities, and it affects nearly everything we do. While no one-not even parents-can give another person self-esteem, there are a few things parents can do to help children develop healthy confidence in themselves.

1. Compliment how hard they work

Telling your son you're impressed with how hard he practiced for his ball game, rather than complimenting him on winning, will encourage him to work hard at other things, even if he's not immediately successful. And when he eventually loses a game, he'll feel inspired to work harder rather than feeling like a failure.

2. Catch them being good

It's easy to focus on the things we want our kids to change. Children love attention, and whatever we focus on is what they are likely to do more of. As someone once said, water the flowers, not the weeds. If you shower attention on your kids' positive behavior, you'll see more of it. And they'll feel pleased to be noticed for the good things they are doing.

3. Make eye contact when you compliment them

Eye contact is powerful . It increases feelings of love and connection. When you make eye contact while telling your daughter how impressed you are with the way she worked on her science project, you are sending a powerful message that you value her and her strengths.

4. Be a positive self-talk role model

Kids repeat what they hear. If you put yourself down, your kids are likely to think of themselves in negative ways as well. Be kind in your comments about yourself and others. Accept compliments graciously by saying "Thank you!" Your kids will notice and will pick up on the positive feelings of self-worth.

5. Correct negative self-talk

When your son is discouraged about his artwork and says, "I'm no good at drawing," respond with words of encouragement. You don't have to tell him he's a fantastic artist-although if you think so, definitely say it! You can tell him about something you struggled to master that he respects. "You know, I used to think I was no good at fixing cars. But I just kept trying and now I'm pretty good at it!"

6. Give them jobs

Doing useful work helps everyone feel confident. Even young children can sort silverware, match socks, and pick up their toys. Older kids can vacuum, empty the dishwasher, and fold laundry. Working alongside parents lets kids know they are important contributing members of the family.

7. Talk about your feelings and encourage them to do the same

Emotions are healthy. Talk honestly about how you feel-happy, sad, angry, excited or whatever! Kids need help identifying their feelings and knowing how to handle them. That all starts with knowing that feelings themselves are great! Feelings help us know what we want to do. When you're embarrassed about the cookies you brought to the school function, talk about it. When your son is sad that his friends are not available, you should talk about that too. And when you are happy, don't be shy about expressing it!

8. Find out what they want to do and encourage them to do it

Rather than putting your expectations on your daughter, ask her what she would like to do. Does she want to be a butterfly scientist? Spend the summer reading her way through the library? Build a robot? Whatever it is, find ways to encourage her to follow her dreams.

By consciously choosing to do these things, your child will be well on his way to a healthy confidence in himself and his abilities.

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I felt like I was starring in a Disney comedy, traveling from Saudi Arabia to Minnesota for Christmas without my husband and with my four kids, ages 7 and younger. A trip that usually took around 24 hours had been extended with a 24-hour layover in the JFK airport. Because I hadn't budgeted for a taxi or hotel, the kids and I were camping in the airport terminal. My 4-month old had blown through every outfit I'd brought in our carry-on luggage, so she was dressed in a men's Yankees t-shirt and a diaper when she threw up all over my shirt and hair. When a passing woman looked us over, opened her purse and pulled out a $20, I started laughing. What else could I do?

I've traveled all over the world with my six kids and recently realized that I've never looked back and never wished that I'd stayed home. Instead, as the kids and I remember the exciting and funny adventures we've shared, I feel grateful for every time we chose to brave the challenges of travel together.

If you have adventures planned this summer, whether it's a road trip to Grandma's or a world tour, use these life hacks to relieve stress and create fantastic moments together:

Packing

Pack by outfits. Roll up a pair of shorts, a shirt, underwear and socks all into a little bundle and tuck it into the child's suitcase. Your little princess or pirate can pull out a bundle and dress themselves, saving time and stress in the morning when you are all excited to get going!

Pack food. I often pack one suitcase of peanut butter, jelly, crackers, microwavable meals, and other things that I know my kids will eat and that will save us from stressing over paying for calamari for our 5 year old. When possible, I book hotel rooms with kitchenettes so we can heat up some mac and cheese. Food from home is comforting to little ones who can get stressed with all the excitement of traveling.

Traveling

Bring anti-nausea medication! Dramamine comes in less drowsy if you don't want the kids unconscious for the trip. One thing is certain: you don't want them throwing up all over you. Trust me.

Bring some new things for them to play with in the plane or car. A couple of inexpensive new toys (or even ones that you strategically removed from use a few weeks ago to reserve for the trip) can go a long way for happy travels.

Non-messy snacks are also a must. Remember that overdosing your kids on food coloring and sugar won't make anyone happy. Include things like crackers, carrot sticks, and trail mix that will keep them munching without making them sick. Packing individual kids' snacks in zip lock bags lets them be in charge of their own snacks so you can sit back and relax.

Include audio books! If you have a long car ride, turning on Betsy-Tacy, Percy Jackson, or Harry Potter can keep the driver awake and the backseat delightfully quiet. Combine this with snacks and a coloring book, and the road trip will be over before you want it to be. The same goes for plane trips, although in this case you'll probably need one audiobook and set of headphones per child.

Movies are also awesome! In-car DVD players can be sanity savers, as can in-flight movies. Of course, having something that they haven't seen before is best.

Make it a game!

When I took my kids to the Louvre I really wanted to see the artwork, not spend money on entrance fees just to listen to kids whining about how boring it was. So I printed off homemade Museum Bingo cards with things like crazy hat, cow, something blue, and people from another country on them, and laminated the cards. I stuck lots of small candies in my purse as prizes and handed out Bingo cards and stickers at the museum entrance. To my amazement, the kids started out playing Bingo but ended up getting so engrossed in cool stuff in the museum that I had to drag them out in late afternoon because I was starving.

If you are sneaking in a few parent-friendly stops on your trip, turn them into games including I-Spy things to find as they walk through town, asking them to make up and tell you story about the people they see, or count the iguanas they see, awarding a point for each iguana to be cashed in for local coins that afternoon.

Keep it simple

The whole family is happier if we only schedule one or two things per day. "Today we will climb the Great Wall!" is much more realistic than trying to climb the Great Wall, see the Imperial City, visit the zoo, go shopping and see an acrobatics show all in one day. Schedule one thing, and then let the kids dictate how you relax together.

Consider using magic

I discovered the magic of imagination as a teen when my younger twin sisters were complaining about their legs being tired as we hiked. I saw a couple of sticks lying in the dirt and said, "Oh my goodness! Magic sticks!" I handed one to each of them and said that if they tapped their legs with the magic sticks, they would be able to run again. They tapped their legs and took off running up and down the hills. Since then I've made monster spray out of water bottles to keep bedrooms safe, bought magic ice cream that helps kids' eyes find cool things, and discovered that gummy bears cure boredom-induced headaches.

With a little planning and creativity, your family trip will be so awesome you'll wish school would never have to start in the fall.

The post 5 keys to making traveling with kids the least horrible experience possible appeared first on FamilyToday.

It's all the rage these days-being gluten free. It's nearly as popular as bobby socks in the 50s, or as Taylor Swift at a middle school sleep over. And with all the hype, you'd think I'd be reveling in being part of the in-crowd. After all, I haven't eaten gluten for over 2 years now. How hip is that?

The reality behind my gluten free life style is much different than many people assume. The choice to give up bread, pizza, pastries, pasta, Christmas cookies, and even the croutons on my salad was not so I could lose weight or fit into a size smaller pair of jeans. I simply wanted to be healthy enough to walk across the room without having to lean on something to rest. When I was diagnosed, I was so anemic that even after multiple transfusions and prescription iron, it took over a year for my blood levels to get back to normal.

Eliminating gluten allowed me to recover. It wasn't something I did on a whim, and it's certainly not something I stick to because I enjoy it. But I do enjoy being healthy, so I say "no thank you" to caramel rolls and cracked wheat alike.

If you are recently diagnosed or have a friend who is gluten free (GF), after two and a half years without a slice of bread, I'd like to offer a few thoughts.

1. Quick: think of five easy things to have for dinner

... got 'em? I bet they all contain gluten. In Western societies (the US, Canada, and Europe) wheat is almost synonymous with food. In fact, we use the word bread to mean food. (Give us this day our daily bread, unless we're gluten free. Then please substitute rice or potatoes.) Because of this, it takes a mental shift to be gluten free. Mexican and Asian foods are often easier to make GF than traditional, American meals. Just make sure you get GF soy sauce as most brands add wheat.

1. Being gluten free can be socially awkward

Food is a connector. We eat with people to build bonds and strengthen friendships. Having to say, "No thank you," every time someone offers you a brownie or invites you to their house for dinner gets old really fast. It takes some finesse to keep your GF diet from interfering with your social life. I generally offer to have people to my place or to bring the refreshments myself. As long as I don't mention that the food is GF, no one notices!

1. I'm not hungry for another salad. But thank you

A common solution when going out to eat with a group is for friends to search the menu, see that the restaurant has salads, and say, "Oh! You can eat salad, right? Then we're good. Let's go there!" Lettuce is nice in moderation. But sometimes it's great to eat real food. I'm not saying everyone should rearrange plans to accommodate my medical condition, but if I'm hesitant to join you for lunch, this is probably why.

A solution for those of us who are GF is to have a list of restaurants in the area that have GF options. When friends are making plans, suggest one that has something more than just lettuce as your meal option.

1. There are some really easy ways to eat gluten free

You just have to think outside the traditional American meal. Eating fresh food that you prepare yourself is certainly one of the easiest ways. Meat, veggies, fruit, rice, and milk are all safe for people on gluten free diets. (...with the possible exception of dairy. Many GF patients, including me, have to take about a year or so off of dairy while their body recovers.) Eating gluten free becomes expensive and tricky when you try to eat traditionally wheat-based foods. Embrace enchiladas, stir-fried veggies, baked potatoes, Pad Thai, and homemade stew.

1. Some people out there still think I'm doing this for kicks

As if never having even a bite of deep-dish pizza or a donut is anyone's idea of fun. This diet keeps me alive-which is a lot more fun than the alternative. But if I had things my way, I would occasionally eat a Double Stuff Oreo.

The post 5 things your gluten free friends want you to know appeared first on FamilyToday.

On November 13, 1995, terrorists bombed my husband's office, just a few blocks from our home in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. About an hour after the bombing, I walked to the bus stop to pick up my kindergartener, Elizabeth, and her friend, Ashley, who had been rushed home early from school. I was picking Ashley up because her mom was at the hospital with her dad who had been severely injured in the bombing. I wasn't sure if he would live.

As the girls stepped off the bus, I hurried them away from our wounded neighbors awaiting medical treatment on the sidewalk nearby, and told Ashley, "You can come to our house while we wait for your mom to come pick you up."

As we hurried back to the house, Elizabeth asked, "What happened?" I said, "There was a bomb at Dad's office."

Ashley, who was clinging to my hand, asked, "What's a bomb?"

I swallowed and realized I had no words to answer her.

It's a sad reality that children are exposed, whether through media or personal experience, to acts of terrorism and war. Often they have questions that we struggle to answer.

Although these conversations are difficult, they are very important; and resources are available. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry has published suggestions for parents on how to talk to children about terrorism and war.

Answer their questions

Children might not know the words for things they are wondering about. Like Ashley, for example, they might not know what a bomb is, but they may still want to understand what is happening.

Use words and ideas your child will understand. For example, the word terrorist might not be a word your child knows, but they may understand that there were angry people involved.

Be careful not to stereotype. Use this opportunity to show compassion for those of all races, nationalities and religions who were injured physically and emotionally.

Don't overload your child with too much information. Answer their questions simply, but don't hide the truth. Be honest. Children are quick to recognize honesty; and in the midst of scary situations, honesty is reassuring.

Be prepared to answer similar questions over and over. Asking the same question again and again is a way that some children seek reassurance.

Remember that your child will watch your reaction to gauge how he or she should feel. Be honest about your feelings. It's OK to say that you are scared or angry and to talk about constructive ways that you are handling your own emotions.

Listen to them

Create a time and a place for your kids to talk about how they're feeling. After dinner may be a good time to ask if they feel safe, or to say you'd like to talk about some things that have happened recently.

Let your kids talk about how they are feeling. Listen, and validate their feelings. It's natural for kids to feel various emotions when they encounter violence. Let them know how they're feeling is normal.

Keep in mind that children tend to personalize everything. They may be worried that things they see on the news will happen where they live, or that their friends or family members who live closer to the violence will be hurt.

Give your kids outlets to express themselves. These might include drawing pictures about what they have seen or heard, playing with toys or writing stories. Encourage them to express what they are thinking: "That's an interesting picture. Can you tell me about it?"

Allow your child to express him or herself beyond the family if they feel that their voice needs to be heard. They can write letters to the President, the Governor, local newspapers, or make cards for grieving families.

Provide them with support

This can take many forms. You might want to talk about the safety procedures at your child's school after media coverage of a school shooting, talk about your own family's plan for how your child can reach you in case of an emergency, or simply have a snuggle session on the couch together.

Don't let children watch a lot of violent or upsetting footage on TV or on the Internet. Turn the coverage off when your children are around — especially young children.

Communicate with your child's teacher about any strong fears or concerns your child is struggling with so they can provide extra support and understanding at school as well.

Stick with predictable routines and schedules. These provide mental and emotional stability for children and give them structure to rely on.

Let children be children. They might not want to talk about it. If they appear unbothered and would rather climb a tree or kick their soccer ball around the yard, let them go play. You can always bring up the topic again if you notice signs that they are struggling.

Watch for signs of unusual stress

Some signs that your child may be experiencing trauma related to events or to stories on the news include physical symptoms, like unexplained aches and pains, preoccupation with violent games or movies, trouble sleeping, unusual separation anxiety when going to school or when parents leave for work, and persistent upsetting thoughts and fears.

If your child has been directly exposed to violence or is showing signs of trauma related to violence in the news, consider talking with your child's doctor for an appropriate referral or course of action.

How the story ends

Ashley's mom came to pick her up that evening, and her dad came home from the hospital about a week later, bandaged and scarred, but grateful to be home with his family. Counseling was provided for those involved in the bombings and their family members.

Terrorism and war are not easy for any of us. But children are resilient and can bounce back from traumatic events when provided with the emotional support they need.

The post How to discuss terrorism with your kids appeared first on FamilyToday.

I recently read an article by Navy SEAL combat veteran Brent Gleeson on how to manage fear, and I thought of my own time in the home trenches as the commander mom of 6 kids.

How many times have I headed off mutiny, a full-scale nuclear melt down and the zombie apocalypse all at the same time-not in a remote foreign location but in the middle of Target?

Yes, my Navy SEAL brother-in-arms, I may not have risked my life and served my country in the same way you did; but, in many ways, I can feel your pain. The life lessons you share from your days in combat apply very well to managing my own little squadron.

Straight from the real-life battles and victories of life as a Navy SEAL/ mom, here are some tips for combat survival.

1. Acknowledge fear exists

Parenthood is scary in so many ways. Acknowledge the fear. It's scary to be responsible for another human being and to be expected to figure out what to do in situations you've never even had nightmares about. It's terrifying to be in charge of keeping everyone fed (including the ones with food allergies and strong gag reflexes), clothed (even those with a propensity for streaking through the house/neighborhood) and healthy (He stuffed WHAT up his nose?!).

Take a deep breath and remind yourself you're doing amazingly well in a really tough job. When you have a co-commander (aka a spouse), acknowledge your fears to each other and work together to overcome them. When the rest of your squadron kids are in a listening mood, tell them what things are hard about your job and ask for their help. Acknowledging fears helps us work together to overcome them.

2. Be strong for your team

They don't need to you be Superwoman (although, that certainly wouldn't hurt), but they do need you to be the mom. As Gleeson says, "Panic is wildly contagious." So, when possible, plan ahead of time with your co-commander what your policies are on mutiny, managing the zombie apocalypse and containing nuclear meltdowns. These things happen. Preparing ahead of time helps keep panic to a minimum.

Preparations may include self-talk before battle ("I'm not buying Sugar Crunch High breakfast cereal today, no matter how much wailing and gnashing of teeth goes down."); moments of meditation in the bathroom while firmly ignoring the fingers under the door; and regular employment of mercenary babysitters to temporarily relieve you of duty.

As Gleeson says, "Understand your own emotional intelligence and ability to control or redirect your disruptive emotions." Or, in other words, know when you've had enough, and plan breaks to avoid commander meltdowns.

3. Listen and get feedback

Listen to the experts, listen to your co-commander, listen to your troops and, perhaps most importantly, listen to your own heart. The experts are not always right. Motherhood comes with a special endowment of gut instincts that are usually spot on. Listen to them. Trust them. And as you do so, accept feedback from your co-commander and troops on what's working and what's not.

4. Allow the team to influence the process

Put issues that are negotiable on the table and let the team influence the process. Talk about family trips, family rules and family dinners. Once you've received feedback, communicate what the plan is and what each person's role is in executing the plan. Perhaps Mom carries the ammunition diaper bag and supplies, Dad is in charge of maintaining the cavalry car and the troops are in charge of general mayhem. (Good job, troops! General mayhem accomplished!)

5. Over communicate

My mom (a woman I was certain ran a secret intelligence organization bent on uncovering my every move) is fond of saying, "More communication is almost always better." Whatever you are doing, whatever you are feeling, whatever attacks you are under and whatever battles you are waging, talk about it! Share your struggles and frustrations with your co-commander.

Admitting your fears and vulnerabilities to each other will only bring you closer. Talk to your kids about your plans for the day, the week and the month. Help them see the big picture. After the battle is over, sit down and talk about how it went. What went wrong? What went right? What would you like to do next time?

6. Focus on the positive

Battles happen, but so do victories. Celebrate your victories with a little craziness-dancing in the kitchen, hugs and high-fives, whooping and hollering! Let yourself go crazy with the good stuff! Ice cream and root beer for everyone. Celebrating the good parts of life helps focus energy on the positives, ensuring even more positives come your way.

From babyhood to preschool to high school and beyond, parenthood is one of the scariest, craziest, most joyful battles to wage. Make certain you see your co-commander and troops as your team, acknowledge your fears, communicate everything and celebrate your victories. And, when you collapse into bed at night after praying for a few hours of shut-eye and before you pass out from exhaustion, give yourself a pat on the back. You, Commander Mom, are a hero in the greatest sense of the word.

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If you want to feel overwhelmed, look at statistics involving pornography and young people. Images that used to be considered porn are now displayed on billboards and primetime TV for children to see.

Globally, porn is a $97 billion dollar industry accounting to 30% of all Internet data. Facebook-an extremely popular site with young people-was recently named one of the top sites for pornography, prostitution and sex trafficking. According to a 2008 study, 67% of young men and 49% of young women consider it acceptable to view pornography, and 87% of young men and 31% of young women reported regularly using pornography.

The effects on individuals, family and society are devastating. Research links pornography use to low self-esteem, sexual violence, negative attitudes toward women, increased extramarital affairs, and higher divorce rates.

The good news

As parents, we can help our children and teens avoid and escape this toxic poison. In a recent article, Lisa Ann Jackson Thomas from Brigham Young University outlined 5 things parents can do to help their kids win the fight against pornography.

1. Keep up the outer defenses

In 2002 (that's 14 years ago!) the London School of Economics reported that 90% of children 8-16 had viewed porn online, usually accidentally. The average age of first exposure is 12. Today, cell phones and other mobile devices are the most common access points for young people.

Human brains have both a "gas pedal" and a "break." While the gas pedal-or pleasure center-develops early on, the break-or frontal cortex with more decision-making abilities-develops later in life. The longer we can avoid childhood exposure to porn, the better equipped the children will be to deal with it when they encounter it, avoid addiction, and develop healthy relationships.

A few simple steps help protect children from early exposure. Use filters on routers, computers and phones, and perhaps even at the ISP level. Keep computers in common areas and have kids turn in their mobile devices at night. Set parental controls, and have a policy that parents can read texts and posts at any time.

2. Teach truth

According to a 2014 study, many young men cite pornography as their primary source of sex education. Parents should teach that sexual behaviors portrayed in porn are neither normal nor healthy. Teens that are the most sexually active are often the least educated on the topic. Their education is most effective when it come from their parents in a caring environment.

Be aware that as we talk about pornography, kids can get the mistaken impression that sex itself is bad. Kids need to understand the role of love and intimacy in the context of marriage and creating a family.

BYU Family Life professor Mark Butler emphasizes that teaching about sexuality should contain both a witness and a warning. Teaching children that healthy desires draw us toward marriage is the witness, while expressing the importance of discipline and boundaries is the warning. Rather than a one time, formal discussion about sexual intimacy, have open dialogues on the topic so children and teens feel free to bring up questions as they think of them.

3. Diagnose problems correctly

Adults often use the word addiction to describe involvement in pornography, no matter what level of involvement the person has. While addiction is a danger with pornography as it triggers the sexual-response reward system of the brain, jumping to label any involvement as addiction may shut down the open discussions parents and kids need to have for healthy development.

Consider taking a triage approach to assess your child's level of involvement. When did they first see pornography? How often do they view it? What types of images or videos have they seen?

Based on kids' involvement, parents can choose an appropriate level of action, from regular follow-up discussions to work with a therapist or addiction recovery group.

4. Teach emotion management

Young people sometimes turn to pornography as a means of managing stress. And kids today face a lot of stress. If they get into the habit of seeking pornography as a feel-good escape from emotional discomfort, the problem can be self-perpetuating.

Parents can do many things to teach healthy emotion management, starting with accepting both positive and negative emotions as normal and healthy. Allowing children to experience and cope with negative emotions, while demonstrating healthy emotion management themselves, helps children build skill sets necessary for life.

Parents should be especially careful not to shame youth who have been involved in pornography. The goal is for children to develop healthy, happy relationships, and shame tints the child's view of himself in a way that makes it difficult to love himself and others. "The most helpful," said one student who struggled with pornography "was my dad telling me repeatedly how much he loved me."

5. Practice patience

The teen brain takes time to develop, and the ability to make good decisions is one of the last to develop. (For some reason, parents of teens are never surprised to hear this.) As Butler says, the adolescent brain may be one of the primary reasons for God's gifts of repentance and Jesus' sacrifice. God does not ask us to be perfect today. His hope is that we progress. It's critical that along with teaching what appropriate boundaries are, parents also teach about the sacrifice Jesus made, gradual development, patience and persistence. It is equally important that parents keep these things in mind themselves as they help their children deal with pornography.

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Several years ago I lived in a beautiful European home that had been designed by a famous architect. The house was unique, full of natural sunlight, beautiful wood and decorative glass. The home's beauty was all the more amazing, as it had been built during Nazi occupation of the area when building resources were scarce. The walls, I discovered, were insulated with crumpled newspapers and straw.

One day, as I was taking a nap, the house began to shake. In my sleepy mind I wondered what on earth my kids were doing, but when I opened my eyes and saw the bookshelves and doorframes swaying, I realized my children weren't to blame. We were experiencing a significant earthquake.

The earthquake was strong, and we were near the epicenter. Afterwards we examined our home and found that the only damage were minor cracks in the low brick wall that ran around the perimeter of the yard. I was amazed.

Despite shortages of traditional materials, and the stress of working in war-torn conditions, the builders had created a structure that would withstand the shaking of a significant earthquake. I felt immense gratitude for the attention they put into constructing a home that kept my family safe in dangerous times.

Parents today are in many ways like the builders of my beautiful home. We work in stressful times, with limited resources, often in what feels like war-torn conditions. And yet, each of us is doing our best to build a beautiful family that will withstand the shaking of life's earthquakes and storms.

The time to build strong homes and families is not when the earthquake strikes. At that point, we can only rely on what we've already put in place. It's the things we do when life is "normal" that prepare us for the storms that surprise us. These things might not feel monumental as we do them, but like putting in one nail at a time, they combine to create strong homes and families.

1. Set aside time to be together

Life is crazy fast, and only getting faster. Like Internet speeds, it seems the standard for how fast we are expected to perform is increasing so quickly it's hard to keep up. Intentionally slow the pace of life by scheduling regular times to stop and be together.

Block this time out like you would a business meeting or doctor's appointment. When other things try to interfere, just say no. Show your dedication to your family by keeping these appointments like you would if they were with your boss or even the president. After all, who is really most important in your life?

2. Bring faith into your home

Several studies have shown strong connections between faith and improved physical and mental health, enhanced relationships, and lower incidents of teen pregnancies and addictions. You can bring faith into your family by setting aside even small amounts of time daily to read scriptures together, pray together, and talk about the blessings you see in your lives.

3. Serve others together

Focus as a family on helping others-both inside and outside your home. Young children love doing secret service for others and finding ways to surprise family members and neighbors with acts of kindness. When parents and children serve together, these acts of service bring feelings of joy and connection.

As kids get older, include community service and discussions about the issues kids encounter such as homelessness, refugees, and poverty. Young people (and presumably adults as well) who are engaged in serving others have increased self-esteem, more likely to treat others kindly, and are less likely to engage in risky behaviors.

4. Love your spouse

Let your kids see that you love your spouse through the little things you do. As parents speak kindly to (and about) each other, and do small acts of service for each other, kids' sense of well-being, love, and security is strengthened.

5. Have fun together

Having fun and playing together bring a whole host of healthy benefits, including increased optimism, lower rates of illness, and happier relationships. Turn up the fun by playing happy music, celebrating life's little accomplishments, throwing a party with just your family, playing outside together, turning "chores" into games, and reading fun books together.

As you and your family put these seemingly small practices into place, your home will grow stronger, and your family will be protected from the storms and earthquakes of life. And along the way, life will be a lot more joyful!

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