Find out whether he is licensed to practice

in the state in which you live. Of course, you will want to assume that your physician is licensed to practice, but cases of medical fraud happen every year in the United States. The rates of fraudulent activities are especially high among cosmetic and plastic surgeons. Checking to make sure that your surgeon is current with the regulations in your state is important.

Check the educational background

Where did she go to medical school? Where did she do her internship and residency? Is he still active in research and published in medical journals? Learning this information will give you a more comprehensive view of your surgeon.

Should the procedure be done by a general surgeon or a specialist?

Many people are unaware that they can, and in some cases should, ask for a specialist. General surgeons may be perfectly capable of performing your procedure but using a specialist may change the outcome of the surgery and the recovery time. For example, if you need a tumor removed that procedure could easily be performed by a general surgeon but having an oncological surgeon perform the procedure may prevent additional surgeries or treatment because of his extensive knowledge regarding your illness. Keep in mind that specialists also charge more and your insurance may cover much less of the cost for their services. Speak up and ask those questions in your initial consultations.

What is his mortality rate for this procedure?

The best way to get that information is to ask your doctor during a consultation. Although it may seem like an uncomfortable question to ask, it is a vital one. Surgeons have a broad understanding that mortality rates are a fact of life in the medical profession, and he should be willing to discuss it with you in a professional manner.

How many times has she performed the procedure?

Every patient and surgery is slightly different, but having a surgeon who has done a specific surgery a number of times will give her the experience to handle unforeseen complications and speed up recovery time.

How many malpractice suits have involved your surgeon?

The County Clerks Office will have information on the number of criminal malpractice suits filed against your surgeon. Keep in mind that doctors in certain specialties will likely have a higher number of suits filed against them due to the nature of their specialty. Typically, you will see higher numbers among obstetricians and neurosurgeons because the amount of high-risk procedures they perform is far higher than other specialists. Also, keep in mind that a malpractice suit does not necessarily mean your surgeon was at fault. A patient can open a suit for any reason; they consider the surgery unsuccessful or because of complications that were beyond the control of the surgeon. However, if your surgeon has a long history of malpractice suits or a series of them in quick succession, that could indicate a problem. It may be an uncomfortable conversation but do not shy away from directly asking your surgeon about any incidents you find in his record that make you uneasy. Remember that you are paying for his service, and you have the right to this information.

How is her general bedside manner?

A consistent theme that comes up when talking to people who have had surgery is whether or not they were able to communicate with their surgeons. Having an incredibly talented surgeon that is abrupt and dismissive may put you so ill at ease that, ultimately, his talent does not matter. If you find yourself clashing with your surgeon or are hesitant to ask questions, you might want to consider getting a second opinion, or having a consultation with another doctor.

Do your medical philosophies line up?

It is essential to remember that after your surgery is over your doctor has 100 percent control of the oversight of your recovery. The medical personnel that is responsible for your follow-up care follow the doctor's orders. Different doctors have different views on the administration of post-operative medication, pain management and alternative treatments. Before you go into surgery, discuss with your doctor your threshold for pain, any alternative treatments you are considering in addition to your surgery, and other concerns or requests you have no matter how frivolous they may seem. Get an idea of how aggressive your surgeon might be in your recovery with regards to physical therapy, as well.

How do you contact your surgeon?

After your hospital stay how do you get in touch with your doctor in case of an emergency related to your recovery, or to obtain more medication on a weekend or during the night? Does your doctor provide a personal number for contact? If not, who are you supposed to contact?

Does your medical insurance cover your surgeon?

Some plans will cover the hospital in which you are having the procedure but not necessarily the surgeon's fees. Check with them to see if they accept your insurance, then call your insurance company to see what amount of the surgeon's fee they cover.

The post Going under the knife: 10 things to know about your surgeon appeared first on FamilyToday.

Do not criticize their spouse

During a divorce, and most especially in the beginning, hurt feelings and raw emotions often lead to an unloading of all their negative feelings about their spouse. While this is a perfectly normal part of their healing process it may be tempting to turn it into a bashing session at the expensive of their former spouse, avoid that at all costs.

Listen and offer sympathy but do not engage in this process with them. While you should not necessarily feel the need to defend their spouse, the process of falling out of love with someone can be long and airing your negative feelings about their spouse while they are still working out their feelings may create a strain on your relationship. If they have children, be extra sensitive and never speak unkind words about either parent while they are present.

Do not give advice unless it is asked for

I recently had a conversation with a friend who had gone through a terrible life-changing event. She said that after people found out about her situation they would come up and express their sympathy and then each one would offer advice. Then one day she had a friend call her and simply said "I am so sorry this happened to you. I love you, and I am always here for you if you need anything." She was surprised to find overwhelming relief at not having to sit through another round of unsolicited advice.

Although it is usually given in the right spirit it is not appropriate unless it is requested. When in doubt "I'm sorry. I love you. I'm here for you," may be all you need to say.

Do not assume you know the whole story

As any married person can attest marriages almost always look different from the outside than from the inside. Do not automatically assume that you know everything about their situation based on the information you are hearing from one or both parties.

Do not give advice or make a judgment about the break up. Even your closest friend may make mistakes in their marriage that they would be ashamed to admit to anyone, including you. Making hasty assumptions and passing incorrect judgments can severely damage a friendship.

Do not be so optimistic and upbeat that you deny your friends grief

You want to be that person that pulls them out of this dark point in their life and that is admirable but there is a hard and painful process that they need to go through first. Denying the misery they will have to experience will not save them from having it and may cause your friend to put distance between you so they can go through it on their own.

Make yourself available

For phone calls, for lunches, for parties. It is necessary that they know someone will be there for them and the loneliest and most frightening times usually are not in the middle of the day when it is convenient for you. Let them know that you understand that and you are there for them anyway. Offer to go with them to social functions that were once attended with a spouse. Consider that they may feel hesitation to be in social situations because they are used to being part of a couple and going alone will make them feel vulnerable.

Watch for signs of serious depression

It is normal to experience some depression associated with such a traumatic life event. But there is a distinct difference between serious depression and the normal grief that you will most likely see your friend go through.

• If you see a serious fluctuation in their weight.

• If you are aware of insomnia or excessive sleeping.

• If they are uncharacteristically irritable or become angry.

• If they frequently complain of fatigue or body aches not associated with illness or exercise.

• And most especially if they talk of overwhelming feelings of worthlessness or suicide.

Do not assume it is normal. Help them seek immediate medical attention.

Do not make everything about the divorce

Occasionally a call to your friend to talk about things going on in your life will be a welcome distraction. You may feel like you can no longer call them and have the types of conversations that you did before their divorce, however, that type of normalcy might actually be beneficial.

Remind them of their good attributes

By the time the divorce process has started there has been such a lack of kindness and positive words for so long that your friend may have lost sight of who they are. They may start to see themselves solely through the critical eyes of their former spouse.

Remind them of things that you love about them and talents that they have and remind them often. They may be overwhelmed with the bleakness of their situation and have a difficult time imaging themselves happy again. With your help they will begin to refocus their view of themselves and begin to see a more hopeful future.

Divorce is not easy. A supportive, loving friend can make an otherwise difficult situation a little easier. Be that friend.

The post Helping a friend through a divorce: Be a friend appeared first on FamilyToday.

• Make sure you have a good basic cake. If you are using a heavy buttercream or fondant you will want a sturdy cake that can handle the weight. You can use a lighter sponge cake or angel food cake if you are planning to decorate with a whipped cream frosting or glaze. You do not want your icing to overwhelm the cake.

• Work at your skill level. With all of the great designs and amazing structures being used, it may be tempting to bite off more than you can chew. Some of the designs found online are more involved in their application than they appear. If there is a certain design that you want to attempt, first try checking on YouTube for a tutorial that will break down the process into simple steps.

• Try freezing. Cutting frozen cake is always easier. A good amount of professional bakeries will bake, then freeze their cakes. It makes cutting the layers easier and helps prevent crumbs. For most cakes, freezing for two or three days does not affect the quality. This also gives you the chance to break the project into a couple steps because you can bake the cake ahead of time, then decorate another day.

• Always use a serrated knife. When cutting, use a sawing motion. This will prevent the cake from cracking or breaking off in chunks.

• Trim the top of the cake. Most cakes get a bit of a dome top when baking. Trim it off so that the top of the cake is as flat as the bottom.

• Get a bird's eye view. When stacking layers or tiers, stand on a stool or chair and look directly down on top of the cake. This vantage point allows you to see every angle. Having your layers as straight as possible will prevent issues later on when you are icing the sides.

• Use cake boards under each tier. They will stabilize the cake as you are assembling and decorating it, and will make it much easier to transport the cake once it is finished. If you are making a tiered cake you will want to trim the cake board as close to the cake as possible on the upper tiers.

• Use an angled spatula for icing. It is easier to keep level and moves your hands farther away from the work, which helps prevent them from accidentally dragging across the icing.

• Elbows up. When icing the sides of your cake keep your arm at a 90° angle and your elbow pointed to the ceiling. Maintaining this angle will keep your spatula perfectly flush to the side of the cake and create a straight side instead of one that is slanted slightly inward.

• Use a crumb coat. Once all of your layers are put together, frost the whole outside and top of the cake with a very thin layer of icing and then refrigerate the cake for a bit. This process will trap all of the extra crumbs and you will be able to ice the next layer without having crumbs showing on the outside.

• Use a hot spatula to get buttercream as smooth as fondant. If you are a fan of the look of fondant but do not like the flavor there is a great trick you can use to get that super smooth look. Fill a tall pitcher with hot water and place your angled spatula in the hot water for a few moments. Pull it out and dry it off completely, then use the heated spatula to create a mirror smooth surface on your cake. You will have to reheat the spatula several times. When you notice that the buttercream is starting to stick to the spatula it is time to reheat.

• When creating a tiered cake, use wooden dowels or drinking straws to keep the upper tiers from sinking down into the cake. Although it may not seem like it would hold a lot of weight, simply adding four cut straws or four small wooden dowels in each tier will hold the whole weight of the tiers above. Cut your straws or dowels before placing them in the cake. Make sure that you cut them about ¼ inch below the surface of the cake so that the upper tier sinks in just slightly when placed on top.

• Practice makes perfect. If you are piping a design on the cake try practicing on a flat surface first. Even if, you have the design perfectly traced out on the cake doing a bit of piping on another surface gives you a handle on the flow of the icing which can prevent built up lines or breaks in the flow. If your design contains black icing it is best to buy it ready-made as many food colorings contain water that will destroy the consistency of your icing if used in large amounts. The same principle applies to fondant.

• Knead your fondant. If you are covering a cake entirely in fondant and are using a store bought variety, you will want to knead a bit of vegetable shortening into the fondant to prevent it from cracking when you roll it out. Dusting your counter with a very small amount of cornstarch can prevent it from sticking.

• Have the right tools. When covering a cake with fondant, you will want to purchase a fondant smoothing tool. After covering the cake and smoothing out the fondant, you may find small air bubbles under the surface. Keep a pin handy to pop those little air pockets and then continue to smooth the fondant until you have an even surface.

With the right tools and a few good tips, cake making and decorating can be a rewarding way to express your creativity.

The post 15 helpful tips for cake decorating appeared first on FamilyToday.

How many?

With all of the different holiday events and the many reasons your family and friends will have for celebrating it may be hard to get an exact number of guests. A good rule of thumb is to take your best estimate of the number of people you will have and add additional servings for two people. This will account for big eaters or surprise guests. If you don't have guests staying with you for a few days after your big holiday meal be conservative in your portion planning so you don't have days and days worth of leftovers.

Allergies

 Food allergies are becoming more and more prevalent, and if you have any guests that are new to your family or haven't previously eaten at your home, a quick call to double check on any diet restrictions can go a long way in avoiding having to tell them that the only option they have to eat is a green salad.

Avoid trying new things or recipes

: You just found the most amazing recipe for Julia Child's roast duck, and you are considering trying it out for your family's big dinner party. Bad idea. Complicated recipes, or recipes that you have never tried before could end up a disaster and should wait for another day. Save what you hope to one day be your pièce de résistance for a time when it won't matter if it turns out to be a pièce de disaster.

One week in advance

Make a list of all the dishes you're cooking. At the very latest, you'll want to have your menu finalized a week before the holiday. Create a list of dishes on the menu starting with appetizers and ending in desserts. Be certain not to forget the beverages.

Three days in advance

List out the ingredients and do your shopping. First, find your recipes. Go through each dish that is written out on your menu list and break it down into ingredients. You'll want to check your pantry and refrigerator to see what ingredients you may already have, so you don't overbuy. If you're planning for a large crowd, block out a couple of hours to do your grocery shopping. As a bonus, if you're a night owl or an early bird that may work to your advantage. Grocery stores and warehouse stores like Costco and Sam's Club are typically much less crowded during the very early morning and late night hours.

Pies first

: One my favorite family traditions is Pie Night. The night before any major holiday all the cooks in my family can be seen in the kitchen late into the evening making pies, talking and laughing. While my family uses this time for making pies, this idea can apply to any prep work like chopping and measuring out components of the dishes that you'll be cooking the next day, or making any dishes that can be made in advance and stored until the next day.

Organize your hot dishes in order of cooking time

: There is nothing worse than having your entire holiday feast ready to eat and everyone sitting around the table waiting for the turkey to be done. Get a rough estimate of the time that each dish will take to cook so you'll be able to have everything ready at the same time. If you find that you don't have enough oven space to get everything done at roughly the same time you may want to consider purchasing an electric roaster oven for cooking any large items like a turkey or ham. These are great for the basic cooking process and any additional crisping or browning can be finished off in a conventional oven.

Once you're done, you're done

: When the table is set, and your guests begin to enjoy your meal, make sure you turn off your "busy day" mode. Take a deep breath, take a moment to look around at your family, friends, and enjoy!

The post When it requires more than a takeout menu: A guide to stress-free holiday menu planning appeared first on FamilyToday.