Dear Angela,

I normally travel a few hours with my husband and kids to my in-laws for the holidays. It's fun, the kids love it, and it's great to be around family, etc., But, honestly, I want to start building our own traditions in our own home (e.g., leaving cookies out for Santa, wearing pajamas together in our basement, singing carols with our neighbors).

Making this change is going to cause hurt feelings with my extended family. Any tips on how I can do this tactfully, without any drama and no hurt feelings?

— Thanks, Breaking Traditions

Dear Breaking Traditions,

Your family is going to miss you and this change will definitely be an emotional adjustment for them. While you can't change that reality, there are some things you can do in order to lessen the impact, affirm your love for them, and continue to have them be a part of your holiday celebrations, even if you aren't there in person.

Here are a few things to consider when changing things up for the holidays.

Timing

Have these "new tradition" conversations as early as possible. The holidays are filled with tear-jerking commercials, family time and fond memories. This means that feelings are super tender. In order to decrease the chances of family drama, start to break the news in June or July when emotions aren't running so high.

Communication

Another benefit of sharing the new early is it gives your family time to process the change, ask questions and not feel blindsided. Give space and allow for this. You may feel like, "I'm an adult, it's my right to make this choice!" That's true, but your family loves you and they want you around. Listen to their concerns.

Inclusion

With some effort, even though you won't be in the same physical space as your in-laws, you can still help them feel included by doing things such as a video chat Christmas morning or before Thanksgiving dinner. You might even consider asking for their input - "How did you make Thanksgiving special the first time you held it at your home? Any fun ideas on how we can make this special for our children?" This way they are with you in spirit even if they aren't there in person.

Make plans

Since you won't see your family during the holidays, set up a specific time when you will see them and make that day special too. Having something set will help ease any concerns that not going home for the holidays is going to lead to eventual distance in your relationships.

The fundamental rule to all of these steps is that especially in times of change, look for ways to affirm and remind your family that you love them. These demonstrations of love will go a long way in softening hearts and communication, and strengthening relationships instead of hurting them.

Let us know how it goes, and happy holidays!

Love, Angela

Readers

How did you transition from going home for the holidays to staying home for the holidays? Share your best tips in the comment section.

The post Ask Angela: I want to build our own holiday traditions rather than always traveling to my in-laws appeared first on FamilyToday.

Luckily, it's the holidays. A time specifically set aside for us to be grateful. "The most wonderful time of the year"� and "the season to be jolly,"� as they say.

But how could this be true? We have the same problems in December that we had in June. Challenges, difficulties, frustrations and even tragedy know no holiday. They take no vacation. How do you build a sense of gratitude when your circumstances are largely the same? And seemingly, not very good?

We, at the Ask Angela Column, decided to look at some things that were frustrating us and then flip them around to see if we could unearth the hidden blessings. It was an amazing activity. We are thoroughly convinced that spending this holiday season being grateful will be the cure for anything that ails us (and you!)

Here is a list of the things we don't always realize we're grateful for

1. Our apartment

Even though it's small, and though some of us share it with people who are always drinking our milk and using the last of the toilet paper. We're living on our own and, for better or for worse, we're making it work. That's a big deal. We've created these little spaces in the world where we can recover from the day, cook some Ramen noodles and get a good night's sleep. That's something to be proud of and for which to be grateful.

2. Our education

Some of us are feeling the senior thesis blues. It's, literally, coming to life and trying to kill us. In fact, we can hear it creeping toward our door (Ah!!) But, an ounce of perspective tells us that things will get better. What we're staying up late to finish and working double shifts to afford - our education, formal or informal, will pay off. An investment in the mind and intellect is one of the best investments one could ever make.

3. Our body

It isn't perfect, but it's ours. What is a "perfect body," anyway? The one we have is a gift from God. It lets us experience this physical world in our own unique way. We want it to be healthy and we want it to last. Any time or effort spent hating it is a waste. So, instead, we're deciding to be grateful.

4. Our friends

Friendship drama is part of growing up. People say the wrong things, do the wrong things and, a lot of times, they don't say sorry. We can be grateful for them anyway. Relationships add texture to our lives; excitement and sociality and if we nurture them with things like positivity, forgiveness and love they get better with age.

5. Our parents

OK, most of us agree that we are always grateful for our parents; even when they are secretly (or not so secretly) wondering when we're going to give them some grandchildren. But sometimes they don't know about that gratitude. They worry that they didn't raise us perfectly, or that our current "22-struggles" are some fault of theirs. We want to erase their worries. We've seen that gratitude truly comes to life when it is expressed. Our goal is to use this holiday season to give life to the gratitude we feel for our parents.

So this is our list. What we thought wasn't so good has turned into a list of things we could never live without. We'll keep building our list as the holiday seasons continues and hopefully throughout the rest of the new year. Because, like challenges, gratitude also knows no season, and need not take a vacation.

The post 5 Things ‘twenty somethings’ can be grateful for this holiday season appeared first on FamilyToday.