Getting married is committing to constant growth. However, this progression can often be difficult for one or both people involved.

One of my newly married friends recently came to me for advice concerning this problem. She married early, practically going from her parents' house directly to the altar. Her husband is an established, successful businessman and good husband. She, on the other hand, now finds herself as a busy wife trying to juggle managing a house and, a recent graduate, looking for job opportunities. Sometimes she feels paralyzed by all of the stress. She hates change. Her husband loves her deeply but does not know how to help her grow the way she needs to. She doesn't want to tell her parents, because she feels that doing so would be admitting failure.

This is the advice I had for this friend and her husband, and what I would say to any other couple, newly married or not, that finds themselves in a similar situation.

1. Be patient and give him or her time to change

Your partner does not need any extra stress added to his or her plate because of you. Help your spouse know that you are there and willing to help him or her through this difficult struggle. You need to understand that changes do not happen overnight. However, the support and understanding of a spouse is essential if you wish for your companion to grow. It is important that you don't rush progress too quickly. Big changes happen gradually. You need to give him or her a chance, and the appropriate time to make necessary changes.

2. Don't take it out on the children

If there are children in the relationship, do not involve them. They are not the problem. They are a blessing. Remember that your children are also suffering from the situation. The fears of their parents are probably causing them distress as well.

3. Get rid of the excuses

There is a reason your spouse hasn't grown. Do not constantly accept excuses such as, "Today I woke up with a headache," or "I got some really bad news today," etc. as reasons to get out of fulfilling responsibilities. This will just keep things the way they are. He or she must learn to not place blame on something else just because he or she is uncomfortable doing something. Be gentle with your spouse and help him or her feel comfortable coming to you and admitting when he or she is having a problem.

4. Help him or her leave the comfort zone

Your spouse's comfort zone may be found in his or her parents' home, your home, his or her workplace, your city, a favorite place to shop, a habit that has been in place for years, etc. Help him or her experience new things even if it causes a little anxiety. And be there for support. Practicing leaving his or her comfort zone will make it a lot easier for him or her to accept change.

Finally, remember that marriage is a bond between two people. Each of you brought different baggage to the relationship. You have different backgrounds, different ways of thinking, understandings of reality, views on religion, work ethics, etc. Each of you are used to different rhythms. Don't forget that you are together to grow together. Don't give up on your marriage just because it is hard. Help lift each other, and if your spouse is having a hard time growing, stay by his or her side and guide him or her through it. Don't make your Peter Pan suffer alone.

This article is a translation and adaption of the original article, "Casada com o Peter Pan: 5 meios de lidar com um cônjuge que não quer crescer."

The post Married to Peter Pan: 4 ways to help a spouse who is scared of growth appeared first on FamilyToday.

How to make your wife happy

When you find the woman of your dreams and you know for sure that you want to grow old at her side; your search is over. When you finally decide to unite your lives and love and care for each other, you start a new journey. This is a journey that you discover something new every day together. This is true happiness. This is a true accomplishment.

But, what about the times when your spouse is not happy with you? From the moment you realize that you are out of line it is better to sit down and talk. Men tend to avoid these issues more than women do. There are so many tasks, so many things to worry about, and these things help you avoid talking about what you can do to solve a marital problem, and in this you think that you are diverting the problem. This is not true. Solving small problems in a relationship can't fix it. It makes the relationship look good, as if it was only a scratch, but in reality the cut, or problem will fester and this is something that can get so big that it can cause divorce.

Genuinely talking with your wife is the first step in making her happy. Having a companion who is happy with life (and with you) at your side is important to a strong marriage. So here are a few things that can help you to achieve this goal.

Listen

Women have the need to talk. They are born programmed to communicate. Even if you don't always understand what she is saying, listen. She will feel that you care about and love her.

Help around the house

Cleaning, cooking and ironing isn't your thing? That's fine. You don't need to do what you don't like, but you do need to help around the house. Simple things like making the bed, picking up after the kids and walking the dog can really be helpful.

Give her flowers

Getting flowers for no apparent reason is very pleasurable. But it seems that men don't quite understand this. Typically, men will give their wives flowers when they feel bad for working too much, after a fight or on special days such as anniversaries and birthdays. This doesn't always mean a monster bouquet of roses. Even a small vase of violets or a single flower could be perfect.

Ask her opinion

If you are one of those men that think you need to make all the decisions, stop right there! A family is made of more than one person. Hearing your wife's opinion is very important even if the final decision is yours.

Help clean up and organize the house after a party

Even though she may do most of the cleaning, if you take out the trash or start organizing, you will make her very happy. In the end, you both had a lot of fun at the party and cleaning up together.

Get up during the night to check on the baby

If the baby is crying, is hungry (and not breastfeeding) or needs a diaper change, you can take care of the baby instead of your wife. Getting a bottle ready or changing a diaper isn't hard. You can let your wife sleep a little more and you can bond more with your child (which is super important for the both of you) and you will see that your wife will be a little happier to sleep once in a while. Also, it doesn't help if you only do this once. You need to be willing (and to actually do it) quite a bit.

Stay with the kids so that your wife can go to the salon

Every woman likes to be beautiful and clean. If she wants to go have her hair done, offer to watch the kids. She will love this, and then she will have a little time to herself. In the end, you will love the result.

Say, "I Love You"� more than usual

Just because you are married and know that you love each other, doesn't mean that you don't have to say, "I Love You."� You need to say these words as much as possible. Routines can be stressful, tiring and sometimes tedious. If you don't remember that you love each other, you are going around day by day without purpose.

Praise your wife

Even when she has just woken up and her hair is all messed up, tell her that she is 'the most beautiful woman you have ever seen' as this is the absolute truth for you. If she gets all dolled up for you when you go out, tell her that you like it. Telling her how you feel isn't a sign of weakness. A confident man can say beautiful things to the one he loves.

Hopefully these tips will help you and give you the wanted results. A good relationship is made by two people who give their all to love each other. Always make your wife happier and she will be more than willing to do the same for you.

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