Nedra Toponce – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Tue, 25 Dec 2012 15:00:00 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Nedra Toponce – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 5 Signs of an emotional affair https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-signs-of-an-emotional-affair/ Tue, 25 Dec 2012 15:00:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-signs-of-an-emotional-affair/ An emotional affair is when an individual prefers to share their thoughts and feelings with another person other than their…

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An emotional affair is when an individual prefers to share their thoughts and feelings with another person other than their spouse. There are many reasons people have an emotional affair. These may include, but are not limited to, fear of intimacy or unresolved conflicts with a spouse or a spouse living apart due to a job (military, etc.), and lack of physical intimacy.

The following may be signs that a spouse is having an emotional affair

:

Emotional Distance

There was a closeness in the relationship and now there is emotional distance that is unexplainable. A partner may indicate no reason for distance and desires not to reconnect.

A partner's routine changes drastically

The partner begins to work late hours, goes to the gym for long periods of time, is evasive (or lies) about his whereabouts or inconsistent in his story about his whereabouts.

Long Hours on the computer or phone

When a partner is spending long hours during the day or night on the computer, phone texting, or away from home, this may be an indication of an emotional affair.

Speaks often about, or desires to be with a specified person

When a partner talks often about another individual (typically of the opposite sex where romantic feelings could take place) and indicates wanting to get together regularly with the person, this may be an indication of an emotional affair.

Alone with the opposite sex

Anytime a married individual is with a person of the opposite sex there is a greater chance of an emotional affair developing. If a partner has a habit of often being alone with a person of the opposite sex, this may be an indication of an emotional affair.

An emotional affair can happen to either partner in the couple relationship, and should be discussed openly to safeguard the relationship. Emotional affairs, in most cases, evolve into physical intimacy leading to possible divorce and loss of family life.

If you suspect your partner is having an emotional affair, there are several steps to take to stop the process from going further:

Communicate the suspicions

Discuss calmly and openly, without blame or anger, your suspicions with your spouse. Statements like this example maybe helpful: "I'm not sure what is happening here, but I feel more distant from you and you're spending more time at work and less time with the family"¦is there something going on?"¯ Follow up with positive affirmations of love and appreciation.

Reconnect with your spouse

If a spouse is open about the emotional affair and willing to reconnect, recommend couples counseling or reading books together to help improve attachment in the relationship. Encourage a refocus on the relationship, and a change in routine to limit the involvement your spouse may be having with the other person. Stop all contact with the person a partner has been emotionally involved.

Strengthen Couple Relationship

Encourage new shared interests and hobbies. There are many activities couples can do to reconnect and gain greater emotional intimacy. Thereby decreasing the chances of further emotional intimacy with the other person.

Discuss Vulnerabilities

All individuals can be vulnerable to an emotional affair. Recognize this reality, and discuss ways to prevent this from happening by incorporating safeguards in the relationship.

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5 steps to forgiving after an affair https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-steps-to-forgiving-after-an-affair/ Sat, 01 Dec 2012 12:39:38 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-steps-to-forgiving-after-an-affair/ When a spouse has an affair, it can be a devastating time for their partner. The feelings of betrayal can…

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When a spouse has an affair, it can be a devastating time for their partner. The feelings of betrayal can be very strong. The following are some surprising ideas that can help the hurt spouse learn to forgive.

Evaluate accurately

Evaluate all aspects of the affair carefully and thoughtfully while managing angry emotions. Keeping a journal is important in this process. When evaluating, think of all involved who may be hurting and in what way, this will lessen the anger and increase empathy, essential in the forgiveness process.

Keep a clear perspective

When a spouse commits adultery, keep the perspective that their decision was not something they did to you, but something they did to themselves. Keeping a clear perspective will lessen anger and increase the forgiveness process.

Inquire sincerely and keep an open mind

Find out what the offending spouse is missing in their life that contributed to the affair. The spouse may indicate behavior in you or lack of unfulfilled needs that contributed to their decision. Write these things in your journal and ponder on them so you can discuss them at a later time.

Don't accept blame for the spouse's decision to have an affair

If the offending spouse blames you for their affair without taking responsibility and accountability, communicate calmly to the offending spouse the importance of accountability and appropriate choices that could have been taken rather than the decision to have an affair. Separate your spouse's decisions from yours. Recognize your spouse has the freedom to choose. Accept whatinfluences may have contributed to the affair and write this in your journal. Writing these influences down and discussing them at a later time together, will help you know how to support one another more effectively and what circumstances the offending spouse may need to avoid a future choice of having an affair.

Ask your spouse what support they need during this time of recovery

Due to your spouse's choice to be disloyal to the marriage their process of emotion will range from blame, self-loathing, anger, guilt, shame or remorse. It's important to lovingly support them through this process. You will find your anger decreasing and understanding and love for the offending spouse will increase.

In time, as you focus on the above steps, you will be able to let go and forgive.

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