A friend asks you a question and you cringe. If you give your honest answer, you'll probably be labeled rude, so you lie to spare her feelings and avoid conflict.

My university communications professor said, "The best communicator can always tell the truth." Lying to spare someone's feelings indicates poor communication rather than tact. Speaking truth liberates others and yourself. When you tell half-truths or lie, you betray yourself.

Here are five ways to stop being fake and start being you.

1. Tell the truth when it hurts

If a friend asks you, "Do you like my haircut?" and the answer is no, say no and then be specific. Say something such as, "I liked it better when your bangs were like this," or, " I think the last cut you had framed your face better." With helpful feedback they can, hopefully, get a better haircut next time.

That's true friendship.

2. Don't laugh if it's not funny.

Exchange that half-hearted, awkward, obligatory laugh with a statement such as, "I see how that could be funny, but for some reason it just didn't work for me." If that's unnatural for you, simply progress the conversation by telling a similar joke or story.

3. Tell kids the truth

Perceptive little children need to hear honesty from you yesterday!

That same professor of mine I mentioned earlier also said, "Is it better for your child to learn about Santa from you or from the bully down the street?" Imagine the heartbreak and confusion for the child if it's the bully down the street. You can keep Santa alive by explaining how Santa symbolizes characteristics your family believes in and that is why your family believes in Santa. Talk to your child before someone less trustworthy than you breaks the news.

Children are outstanding at observing and remembering things you would prefer they didn't. But denying those events when asked about them is deceptive and will be used against you by your child in the future. Be an example of open and honest communication, and your child will likely follow your lead.

4. Stop asking, "How are you?" if you don't mean it

"How are you?" has become the phrase to say in passing because it is commonly understood that we don't expect an actual answer. The sentiment comes from a good place, usually. But below are more genuine ways to quickly acknowledge someone.

• "Hey there!"

• "Hi."

• "Ollo."

• "Hola."

• "Aloha."

• "Wingapo."

• "Bonjour."

• "Lookin' good!"

• "Good to see you!"

• "Did you get a haircut?"

• "It's a hot day, isn't it?"

• "I'm freezing, how about you?"

Also, nonverbally you can do any of the following.

• Smile.

• Frown.

• Make a funny face.

• Puff your cheeks in frustration.

• Give a quick hug.

• Give a high-five.

• Give a fist bump.

• etc.

These methods are just as quick as, "How are you?" and create opportunity for more sincere interaction.

5. Allow your feelings and actions to align

We oppress ourselves by suppressing our emotions and thoughts. We suppress emotions for different reasons. One of which is because we feel guilty about how we feel. Don't do that to yourself. There are assertive ways to express a recurring uncomfortable emotion or thought process. The ways to do it vary per situation, but below is a helpful example.

Say a family member keeps giving you advice about how to raise your children. You know this person loves you and you understand they are trying to help. However, the constant "constructive criticism" makes you feel overwhelmed and discouraged. Out of fear of offending them, you endure these conversations.

Instead of allowing these conversations to continue, it would more helpful to you and the family member if you set up a clear boundary and said something like, "To be honest, all this advice is a little overwhelming and discouraging. I don't blame you for me feeling this way, but would you mind if we talked about something else?"

Remember, when you are honest, it liberates everyone. We humans actually like social structures with boundaries. You are willing to take the risk of potentially offending the other person because you value your relationship with them more than your fear of expressing your true feelings. And, more than likely, the other person values their relationship with you more than they value giving advice. So, being honest and open builds the relationship, whereas suppressing your true feelings ruins it.

Being authentic eliminates self-inflicted cognitive dissonance and produces long-term inner peace. Embrace who you are, your opinion and your boundaries; you will discover the true you. Surprisingly, you will also discover the people worth keeping in your life.

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When you've found a man that makes your heart pitter-patter faster than usual, you've got a crisis on your hands. Your girlfriends will have heaps of pep talks prepared, but I doubt they have created this slam dunk- a surprisingly successful game plan that is proven, by me, to win the heart of the man who is better than the man of your dreams. (Because he is REAL.)

1. Forget about yourself

One thing that is sure to blow up in your face is to obsess about the way you look, feel and think. Step out of yourself and focus on him and the people he spends time with. Be genuinely interested in what he and others have to say. You will learn a lot about him by paying attention. What you learn will be useful later.

2. Stay classy, dress classy

He is likely to make out with you, or more, if that's what he perceives you want and if you're flaunting it juuust right. But is that really what you want?

Lots of girls are pretty, have lips and other feminine features that men are attracted to. What will convert him to the gospel of you, and only you, is YOU. Your intellect, your laugh, your sass, your sense of humor, etc., is what will create a space in his heart just for you.

3. Take him on the date of his dreams

This is where applying number one becomes an advantage. As you are becoming genuinely interested in him and his life, you will learn the things he loves to do and experience. Taking him out on a date that is all about him will remind him of his mama and how she used to cut the crust off of his sandwiches just the way he liked. Behind every good man is a heart that melts when he thinks about his mama.

Of course, assuming his mother is a good person. If she isn't a good person, his heart will melt anyway because you are making a strong case that you will take care of him and love him well.

If one of your date activities fails or falls through here are some back up ideas.

4. Ignore the advice "Be yourself"

Be whoever you want. "Who is yourself anyway?" is a question that comes to mind every time this advice is given.

For example, sometimes people think I'm super funny but many times they don't. But for the small percentage of people that do, it is worth being funny because that is just me being me. On the flip side, some people may take my humor as rude. But, that is also me just being me, and those people just don't get me.

Remember to always be you and be yourself - because it's not something you need to "try" at.

5. Befriend the enemy

Accept that this man will likely engage with other women. Nobody wants to end up with a psycho jealous person. Get to know his friends that are girls, or the girls that might be more than friends but not in a creepy way. If you see them be respectful and kind. When you are not around these friends, refrain from tearing them down. Do you want your relationship to be between you, your hunk and another girl? No. You actually make yourself less appealing by talking smack about others.

Best of luck to you! Be sure to send me a wedding invite.

This article was originally published here. It has been republished with permission.

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This list may not have been what you were expecting. Let me explain. Your thoughts and feelings have a literal impact on the way that you look, especially if you're like me and your facial expressions tell all.

Character is an inner beauty that has a larger impact on your image than your skin, make up and clothing could ever have.

Life presents many brief opportunities for us to be beautiful or to be ugly. The decision to be one or the other is made every day, often times in less than five minutes.

1. Express gratitude

For increased vibrancy, express gratitude. Bitter, negative people are often described as ominous storm clouds on the verge of bursting with lightning and thunder. On the flip side, gracious people are associated with sunshine and clear skies. Both allude to the countenance of the individual. To be prettier, choose the brighter path.

2. Smile

To dazzle others throughout the day, smile. Smiling makes others feel good. We are attracted to what makes us feel good. Thus, smiling makes you more attractive.

3. Think of others

Catch someone's eye by showing them you care. Women who obsess over themselves are more likely to be unhappy about who they are and how they look. This obsession can be replaced by reaching out to others and focusing on them. This will help you to spend less time attacking yourself and as a result, your self-appreciation will grow. Confidence is a beautiful thing.

4. Be the voice of reason

Astonish others by being the voice of reason and working toward peace in the midst of stress, arguments and confusion.

5. Assume the best

Get a double-take by promoting someone's best qualities. When a person can set aside judgment and exhibit encouragement, the results are stunning.

6. Laugh at yourself

Get a little more sexy and mysterious when you laugh at your mistakes. Revealing the humor in a disappointing situation keeps you young.

7. Stand up for others

Make a spectacular impression by speaking up for someone who isn't around to speak for themselves. Kindness is important to anyone searching for a soul mate.

8. Exercise discipline

Captivate others with discipline. In the moment you'd rather be lazy than accomplish your goals,your attractiveness goes down. Exercising discipline is sure to keep others admiring you from a distance.

9. Display empathy

Charm those around you by showing you understand or sympathize with their unique perspective. To be understood is a basic human need. Magnetize others to you by validating their individuality.

10. Let your heart beat to the sound of its own drum

Stop the show by being true to you. Do what you believe is right, even if it contradicts popular opinion. Oftentimes the opportunity to fight for what you believe passes in a matter of seconds. Do not allow the fear of what others think keep you from achieving your hopes and dreams. Someone who is living what they believe is a happy person with few regrets. And happiness is the most attractive quality of all.

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Female bullying creates higher job dissatisfaction for working men and women than sexual harassment.

With the current strong feminist movement, you'd think women would seek to promote other women in the workplace. However, research-based articles written as recently as 2013 show that women in high-level positions will actively work to keep women in lower-level positions from being promoted. It's called Queen Bee syndrome.

In fact, research shows that working women create toxic environments more often than working men do.

So who will stand up for women if women will not? Do we have to leave it to the men?

The Workplace Bullying Institute found that female bullies choose to harass female co-workers 68% of the time.

This bullying often presents itself as passive-aggressive conflict, which leads to power struggles and a toxic work environment, which in turn leads to decreased productivity and diminished profits for a business.

In the UK, it is estimated that about 18 million work days are lostbecause of workplace bullying.

These statistics are disappointing to say the least.

Part of the problem is ignorance about how and when women bully each other in the workplace.

Here are some ways women bully each other at work.

A woman bullies another woman by ...

• giving her the silent treatment,

• gossiping about her,

• giving her constant non-constructive criticism,

• ignoring her,

• isolating her in social situations,

• showing emotional apathy toward her,

• excluding her from a group,

• assigning her meaningless tasks,

• demoting her with out first communicating, and

• having hushed conversations with others when she is near.

Another part of the problem is not knowing how to stop female bullying.

Here are some tips for approaching a coworker you suspect is bullying another woman.

1. Empathize

Seek to understand where the woman is coming from by showing attentive listening. Once she seems satisfied with what she's told you, respond with understanding. Refrain from indulging the negativity by remaining as objective as possible.

Say things like, "I have been noticing that as well," or, "That would be stressful/frustrating."

To express true empathy, consider sharing a similar personal experience.

As you consider her perspective, ask yourself, "What may have made her feel she needed to do/say that?" and, "Has her life changed recently in a major way?" and, "What kind of stresses may she be dealing with?"

2. Distinguish fact from fiction

With continued empathy and an attitude of seeking to understand, try to distinguish the difference between the facts and the assumptions.

Helpful facts include the actual origin of conflict, the actual words and tone used in the conflict, the actual events leading up to the conflict and the actual events after the conflict. Draw a line between what happened and what was felt - known information and filler information.

Only ask a couple of essential questions so she does not feel bombarded or interrogated. Essential questions could include any of the following.

• "What else could you have meant by ___?"

• "Is this pressure coming from you or someone above you?"

• "What could have changed that caused this to start happening?"

• "Why would such and such come after you?"

• "What does such and such have to gain by doing this?"

• "I can see how that made you feel this way. Could they be unaware that it made you feel that way?"

• "If I were to ask them, what do you think their side of the story would sound like?"

Of course, tailor these questions to match the context and the individual.

From the questions, seek to reveal an objective reality. Talk about what information is still needed to fully understand what is going on.

3. Promote conflict resolution instead of conflict

Help the woman coming to you for support feel empowered to resolve the conflict. The resolution could be an action she can do alone, or it may require collaboration.

Either way, brainstorm peaceful productive actions with her. Consider how the effects of the top three or four ideas will affect those involved.

If the solution requires collaboration, encourage her to speak to the person/people involved with an aim for resolution and understanding. Brainstorm with her what she could say and how and when she could say it.

If needed, express a willingness to help or suggest someone else who can.

If someone like a manager or supervisor is needed to help mediate the conversation, seek help from someone who is not emotionally involved in the situation.

4. Consider the big picture

Recognize that a basic human need is understanding and acceptance. Always remember there are often many ways to achieve the same objective. As you help her come up with a solution, promote understanding and acceptance of others.

You don't have to agree to understand. And you don't have to agree to respect a differing perspective. Accepting opposing or differing ideas is essential to growth at work and in the soul.

All employees want a positive work environment, even the ones who don't make it that way. All employees want to get a long with their coworkers, even if they talk poorly about them.

Women, assert yourselves.

Stand up for victims of bullying. Sit with, talk with and grow with coworkers. Avoid discrimination. Work to make your presence a place where all feel equally welcome.

Women, risk it.

With love and patience in your heart, handle workplace conflict head on as much as possible.

Success at work means doing your part to create peace.

The post Women create toxic work environments more often than working men. Recognize what toxic behaviors look like. appeared first on FamilyToday.

Mistakes are a normal, important and necessary part of life.

Say this to yourself out loud. Write it down. Sing it. Yell it. Whisper it. Paint it. Do whatever must be done to help solidify this statement as a reality in your mind.

The most challenging part of a mistake is what I call the relationship ripple effect. Surprisingly, the effects of a seemingly independent, isolated decision ripple out and hurt other people.

Once remorse sets in, your brain seeks out, clings to and stretches the truth to find any relevant information for review. You make "wish lists" of what you should or should not have done. Justification grows with desperation. Bitterness leads you to accuse others for what is only your fault. One mistake spawns into many more.

How do you unclench your mental fists from these unproductive thoughts?

1. Accept that time travel is not possible and focus on the future

Unfortunately, there are still a few kinks to be worked out before we can travel back in time.

Once you accept going back is not an option, you are well on your way to putting grievances where they belong: in the past.

Obsessing burns negatively skewed memories into our minds that are likely exaggerated versions of what actually happened. Respect yourself enough to appreciate where you are in this course-correction. Take humble pride in the fact that you are trying to make changes at all.

Shift focus to what can be done going forward.

2. Objectively recall what happened

Write the question "What happened?" and answer it objectively. Objectivity is the act of stating the facts of a situation without judgment.

Check to make sure you are not answering the question "What should have or could have happened?"

Once you've written out what you think actually occurred, share your answer with a person who can correct your line of thinking if necessary.

3. Remember your goodness

Take time (maybe tonight before bed) to remember the correct choices you have made. Think of people you have helped or accomplishments you are proud of.

Write down all the positive things you come up with to solidify them in your mind.

4. Deal with the ripple effect

Reflect on the positive aspects of the damaged relationship. Brainstorm what steps you can take to repair any harm done. Write down or talk with someone about your ideas.

5. Talk when you're ready

When you feel relaxed and hopeful about the outcome of the conversation, talk to the person who has been hurt by your actions. Keep in mind that it is normal to feel slightly embarrassed going into the conversation or even during it.

However, shifting blame and overwhelming emotions of anger, sorrow and defensiveness are symptoms of being more than just a little embarrassed about your mistake. This is pride. Give yourself space from the situation for a while. Repeat steps 1-4 until you feel clarity. Then, when you are humble and ready, talk to the other person.

6. Listen with respect

When you see the other person, remain cordial and kind. If they bring up the situation with you, listen. Even if you're not yet ready to talk, this situation can be as much about them as it is about you.

Express appreciation for their desire to come talk with you. Explain where you're at in the process. Express your hope for resolution in the future. If you feel up to it, ask what you can do to make things right. Their answer might surprise you in a good way.

7. Move on

Some mistakes happened so long ago that the only person who is thinking about them is you. However, if you suspect that the other person is still hurting, reaching out could be appropriate. But, if you know they have forgotten your mistake or moved on, then you should try to do the same.

In other instances, when you've recently made the mistake or when the person still holds your mistake against you, sometimes the relationship is not going to progress past the damage done. If this is the case, it is best to accept it and move on.

Either way, follow the suggestions below to help you move on.

A. Write the person a letter.

Write about everything you wish you could say and do. Write about what they meant to you and your hopes for them. Then, shred or burn the letter. Do not dispose of it in a way that makes it retrievable.

B. Remove them from your life entirely.

Block them on social media and delete their information from your phone. In a situation where the person constantly circulates rumors about you and refuses to join you in repairing the relationship, I highly recommend this. Sometimes a little distance and time can lead to a positive relationship in the future.

C. Focus your efforts on building and enjoying the relationships you have.

D. Make new friends.

8. Accept your efforts

After all has been said and done, reflect. What will you do better next time? Then, liberate your mind and heart from this burden. Accept this experience as an opportunity to be better now and in the future. My beautiful aunt, Gay Pedersen, shared her experience about coming to terms with her mistakes. She wrote:

"I am imperfect. I have met with failure. I've anguished over my shortcomings.

And wept over my inadequacy.

I can't go back and repair the mistakes I made

... God, forgive me ...

When I approach Him, He sends a sunrise kind of calm.

His words emerge, a balm of peace

'You have given your all. It is enough. It is enough.'"

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