1. A happier spouse

Having a spouse who stays home to take care of the house and family is a blessing. A stay-at-home spouse not only supports the working parent, making it easier for them to focus on work, but they have a well-working home that is stress-relieving as well. For more thoughts on this, read ABC News' article, "Being a Stay-at-Home Parent Is a Luxury, for Your Spouse."

2. Social capital

In an article published by the American Enterprise Institute, "social capital" was cited as one of the most important effects of stay-at-home wives.

According to the article, "social capital" is the academicians' term for the resource that makes American civil society work. It is organized things like teaching English to immigrants or serving on the town council. It is also the guy who shovels snow from the sidewalk of the old lady who lives alone across the street. It is parents at PTA meetings, churchgoers organizing Christmas plays, candy-stripers at the local hospital, and neighbors keeping an eye on each other's houses when no one is home."

3. Financial benefits

Yes, having a stay-at-home parent in the family can bring financial benefits. Of course, there may be some financial "sting," but having a parent stay home will, in turn, save on other costs.

An article from the U.S. News points out that sometimes it makes more financial sense for a family to have a stay-at-home parent rather than pay for child care. Money that would have been spent on transportation to work, possibly eating out for lunch and other expenses may be saved as well.

4. The popular hang-out

You probably know children benefit from having a stay-at-home mom, but what about the benefits to the friends of those children? Having a parent who is available during the hours after school gives your home the opportunity to become the popular place to hang out. If your home is where your kids and their friends gather, then you have the opportunity to make sure they are in a safe, supervised, yet fun environment.

An article from sheknows.com says, "Making your home the go-to spot for kids of all ages ensures that you know what your kids are up to, how they interact with their friends and if you like the dynamics of their group. Knowing who they are with and where they are can relieve some of the stress associated with raising tweens and teens."

5. Neighborhood safety

Neighborhood safety is so much more than just keeping an eye on each other's houses when no one is at home, though that is an important part of it. Other opportunities, such as having adults in the neighborhood while the children are walking home from school and keeping an eye on the open areas and parks in the area can help to maintain safety. Not to mention keeping an eye on other property, such as cars, packages, animals and pets, etc.

6. Better schools

Many schools ask for parent volunteers to come and help out in the classroom from time to time. Teaching can be a stressful job full of many responsibilities. Getting a little help from a parent can be a huge asset to a teacher. Not to mention that sometimes kids have an easier time learning from a fresh perspective.

7. Home upkeep

Having someone who is home during the day can be very helpful in running a household. Aside from the benefits to the all-important cleaning, yard maintenance, garden upkeep, meal prep and child care, parents at home can help in other areas as well. Packages that are dropped off in the middle of the day, visits from home-repair services during normal working hours, phone calls to companies that are only open from 9 to 5, scheduling doctor's visits, picking up sick children from school and running errands are just a couple of examples of what a stay-at-home parent can help with.

Only you can decide if a stay-at-home mom is a good idea or beneficial to your family. Though thankfully, stay-at-home parents benefit the community as a whole, fulfilling many needs that could only be met from someone in this valuable position.

To join the debate on this and other current issues, visit AEI's Facebook page at facebook.com/AEIonline/.

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Unless you've experienced what it's like to have a family member who is addicted to pornography, you may not understand the trauma that comes with the experience.

So, if your friend comes to you with the heartbreaking news that her husband is addicted to pornography, what should you do or say? What should you not do or say? How can you be a good friend in this situation?

These 5 tips will help you:

1. Remember: you are not a therapist

Whenever I speak to the spouse of an addict, I always suggest they go and talk to a therapist. A therapist can give them advice, listen to their issues with a professional ear, and give them information that I cannot. Be very wary of giving advice of how to deal with their husband's addiction. If you aren't qualified to give advice, don't.

2. Never say "Well, can't they just get over it?"

Your friend is going through a really rough time right now- greatly due to their spouse's actions. It sounds a little crass to suggest that their husband could have easily deflected all of the pain they caused. Addiction cycles are a nightmare and are not easily exited.

Your friend might know by now that pornography addiction relapse rates are extremely high. Asking if he can "just get over it" is making light of a very serious situation.

3. Your friend may have a lot of pain and embarrassment

"When a spouse learns that her husband or loved one is involved in pornography and related compulsive sexual behaviors, she is flooded with distressing emotions. These include feelings of shock, anger, disgust, deep hurt and confusion." - lifestarnetwork.com

Having a spouse that goes elsewhere for sexual gratification can hurt you at your core. Your friend may feel like she has been thrown into the depths of hell on earth, and it is important that you understand this. The trauma that she is experiencing is very real and flustering.

Plus, it is hard to talk to your friends about a family member's addiction. It can be embarrassing and can bring up all of the emotions that she has been dealing with.

4. Let your friend make her own decisions

Your friend needs to make her own decisions.

You can be supportive without telling her to put up with it, divorce him, or kick him out of the house. You are not in her shoes, and if I had to guess she has probably not told you all of the details of her husband's addiction. There are things that addicts do or say that their spouse may never, ever want to repeat. Simply said- you just don't have all of the facts.

Down the road, you don't want to be responsible for your friend's actions.

That being said, I never advocate someone stay in an abusive situation. If this is the case, your friend may need to go and speak with a lawyer, counselor, women's shelter, etc. No one should stay in a dangerous situation.

5. Be supportive- ask her how she is doing

Like with any other situation, it helps that your friend knows that you are willing and ready to listen. If your friend thinks that you don't want to hear about their issues, she may not talk to you about it again. Spouses of addicts need to have a good support system, and you may be helping your friend more than you can understand if you let her know that she has your support.

In addition, make sure that you are not part of the "grapevine." Your friend has trusted you with this information so don't turn around and spread gossip about her family.

If you have any questions about how to help your friend, remember to go talk to a specialized therapist. They'll know what to do!

The post When your friend’s husband is addicted to pornography appeared first on FamilyToday.

It probably won't come as a surprise to you that men do not always say what is on their minds. So how do you know what gifts they might want? Or how to surprise them with something thoughtful?

Of course, there are the good old standby gifts, like tools for the handy-inclined and sports tickets for the fans. Aside from the obvious, there are other gifts that your man may secretly want but will never say out loud.

Here are eight fail-proof gifts for the man in your life:

1. New clothes or shoes

A lot of men do not like to shop, even when they need to. If your husband needs a wardrobe restock, find out where he likes to shop for clothes and buy them a gift card. Did you catch that? Don't buy them the clothes, buy them the gift card. Unless you know for sure your husband will love what you buy for him or truly just doesn't care.

If you are bound and determined to buy the clothing yourself, consider picking out something that is not a major or essential part of his wardrobe. For example, no one can have enough T-shirts. Whether just hanging out, working in the yard, or not dressing up, T-shirts are always a good option.

2. Family relaxation time

Who wouldn't enjoy a relaxing, fun night as a family? If you are doing this as a surprise for your husband, arrange your plans around what he might enjoy. Pick up his favorite take out, gather snacks and drinks that he might enjoy and let him pick out a movie to rent. Don't forget to add in a foot massage while you are watching a movie for extra relaxation.

3. A new mattress and bed frame

Be honest with yourself. Is your mattress and bed long enough or comfortable enough for your husband? A good night sleep can work miracles for your health and attitude. Besides, everyone gets a better night's sleep in a bed they fit in.

If your mattress and frame aren't making the cut, figure out what size you and your husband need and search for a set that will keep you both in comfort.

4. Back Rub

A back rub can be one of the easiest ways to make your husband's day a little bit better. A back rub not only relaxes but sends the message that he is important enough for you to stop the other things you are working on and take a minute to make him comfortable. Plus, this gift is free.

5. Jewelry

I know what you're thinking. Jewelry? You want me to buy my husband jewelry? The answer is yes. Step outside the box here. Even for the man who generally stays clear of this type of accessory, what could be manlier than a watch, cuff links or tie tacks? If you are looking to buy your husband something nice, but think that he may not like these things, check out a money clip. Not only can a money clip be a very professional, nicely crafted accessory, but it is also useful in helping to keep your bills together.

6. Work space

No matter what kind of work your husband is into, you can find some kind of gesture to support him at home. Whether it is a place to hang his tools or badge, a storage system so that he can find his boots easily, or an at-home desk, there are many ways to support him.

Consider finding a floating or folding desk if you live in a small space.

7. Masculine decor

Your husband will appreciate you keeping him in mind when decorating the house. Make the decor you find fit both of your tastes. As a general rule, overly frilly, pink or lacy themes are not masculine-friendly. Just keep in mind both of your styles and try to find a good compromise. Find something your family needs, such as a clock, frame set or mirror. See what styles are available. Wrought iron, wood, sleek lines and simple designs are good places to start when figuring out how to combine your tastes.

8. Unscented toiletries

Men don't enjoy having dry skin, but very few of them want their hands to smell like flowers. Having access to an effective, but neutral-smelling lotion can make a big difference. Likewise, if the only shampoo available smells like strawberries, your husband might not want to scrub it into his scalp.

While getting products that your husband will enjoy using may be a small gesture, but it will have a big effect. Just knowing that your feelings are being taken into account can be a big deal for anyone.

Most importantly, put some thought into your gift. Everyone likes to feel cared about at a personal level, and no one knows the man in your life better than you do. You don't have to spend a lot of money on a gift to get your husband something he would really appreciate.

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Walking down the aisle is never the final step in keeping your marriage healthy and together. Keeping the knot tied and tight is more than a full-time job.

No one gets married with the plan to divorce (let's hope not, at least), and yet according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the divorce rate in any given year is about 50 percent of the marriage rate for the same year.

So how do you keep your sweetheart forever? How can you steer clear of becoming a divorce statistic? Everyone wants to find and keep that special love, but it isn't easy. While every marriage and situation are different, the following are some ideas to consider to help keep your marriage healthy.

1. Show an active interest in your spouse's schedule and activities

Showing an interest in what your spouse does could be as simple as asking how the day went or following up on issues that are dealt with at work. This reminds your spouse that you not only care, but you are also paying attention to what is said.

If you want to go the extra mile, consider ways to make positive contributions to your spouse's day. Some ideas might be:

• Make breakfast for your spouse so that he or she does not have to take the time in the morning before work.

• Mark important dates on your calendar. This will not only help your spouse to have an organized schedule, but it will send the message that you consider his or her activities or events important.

• Always give your spouse a kiss goodbye before he or she leaves for work and then again when he or she comes home.

• Be aware of times when you may need to watch the children so your spouse can attend a meeting or activity.

• If there is an event that your spouse is participating in, you might be able to go and support him or her with your presence.

• Celebrate the good things in life. If you or your spouse get a raise at work, if one of you is offered a good opportunity or if you succeed in something, celebrate it. Make time to be supportive of what is going on in your life together.

2. Increase communication with your spouse

There are so many different ways to contact your spouse that boosting your amount of communication with him or her is easy.

Call, text or email at least once throughout the day to just check-in and say hello. Some couples chat, Facebook message or even Skype with each other.

For a special treat, send your spouse a hand-written note to brighten up his or her day. Slip it into his or her lunch bag, tape it to the steering wheel before he or she leaves for work, send it with a bouquet of flowers or leave it on the kitchen counter.

Reciprocate your spouse's contact. Don't let his or her attempts be forgotten or go unnoticed. Give emails from your spouse top priority. Respond to notes and calls and texts.

3. Increase the quality of your physical affection

Physical affection is a vital part of every marriage. It gives couples another opportunity to show their love for each other. Whatever level of intimacy you are experiencing with your partner, be it holding hands, kissing, or intimacy in the bedroom, pay attention to the meaning behind your actions.

Keeping a heartfelt respect, love and caring attitude in your physical affection could strengthen your marriage. Not only respect for your partner, but respect for yourself as well.

4. Have a scheduled date night

Before they walk down the aisle, couples put all of their efforts into dating and getting to know each other. Marriage, life and children come along and scheduling time as a couple becomes increasingly harder. Being in the habit of dating and having a scheduled date night can help you commit to taking the time needed to connect and grow closer.

Whether it's every third Friday, every other Tuesday, the 10th and 25th of each month, or whatever you choose, spend that special time together. Take the opportunity to reconnect, talk about life and each other and enjoy each other's company.

Some easy, inexpensive ideas for date night are:

• A picnic at the park

• Star-gazing in the backyard after the children's bedtime

• Social sports such as miniature golf or bowling

• Taking a trip down memory lane. Go back to where you met, places you went, and where you were married.

5. Keep a clean and organized home

Clutter, mess and unorganized areas of your home can bring you and your family stress. These simple things can cut the clutter (and stress):

• Be honest with yourself about what you need to keep and what you need to get rid of. If it isn't being used or if it's damaged you may want to consider donating it or throwing it away.

• Invest in tools to help you organize your messes. Shelves, bins and dividers can all be helpful. These can be fun DIY projects too!

• Keep up on your cleaning and organization. Just a few minutes here and there can help you save hours of cleaning down the road.

• Make sure that everyone participates in cleaning. Not only does helping in the home teach a good work ethic, but the work will also get done faster.

"Have a spirit of acceptance. Men and women are different because they're supposed to be! The last thing you'd want is to roll over in the morning and wake up looking at yourself." - said Dr. Phil.

Because no two people are exactly alike or even close to it, there shouldn't be any surprise that you and your spouse will have to deal with differences in your marriage. Keep in mind the old adage "give and take."

Little steps like creating a family calendar, showing love and care for your spouse, keeping yourself organized and accessible, and having compassion for your differences could make all the difference in staying with your sweetheart forever.

Take the time now and in the future to strengthen your relationship, keep your marriage healthy.

The post 6 incredibly efficient ways to keep your sweetheart interested appeared first on FamilyToday.

Many parents are turning to Internet filters for help in keeping their children away from porn and other inappropriate material. So where does an adolescent go to find porn if they can't get it at home? Some answers may surprise you. One easily accessed computer that can be overlooked is the one at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Dr. Dan Gray, clinical director and cofounder of LifeStar Therapy Network (lifestartherapy.com) says, "We often have adolescents in our offices who are referred for pornography problems, who report that they usually access pornography at their grandparents' homes on their grandparents' computer."

Gray goes on to say, "They often indicate that their parents have filters on their home computers, inhibiting their access there, but that Grandma and Grandpa have not placed safeguards on their electronics, allowing the teen's use of the computer to go unchecked."

Why is that? Do Grandma and Grandpa have excessive trust? Maybe they don't feel like their grandkids are "the type of kids" who get involved with pornography. Let's face it — every parent and grandparent would like to think that their children are perfect and immune to the temptations of porn.

Realistically, however, the only "type" of kid or adult that can get involved with pornography is the human type. Everyone is susceptible, and many come across pornography completely by accident.

According to mykidsbrowser.com, 90 percent of 8 to 16-year-olds have viewed pornography online, most while doing homework. They also site that the 12 to 17-year-old age group is the largest consumer of internet pornography. The average age of first internet exposure to pornography - 11 years old.

Maybe the problem is trust. Perhaps grandparents worry that their grandkids won't feel trusted if there is a filter on the computer at Grandma's house.

If the grandkids don't have a porn addiction and they aren't seeking out pornography, then they may never even realize there is a block. If the grandkids are addicted or are seeking it out, then the block is especially needed.

This issue isn't about trust. It's about protecting your loved ones.

It is important to note that filters alone will not stop a child from finding pornography. Having a good relationship and communication with your child or grandchild is very beneficial. Children need a safe place to talk about the trials and temptations that they encounter as well as a plan to work through them.

For more information on how to limit what your grandchildren can see on the Internet while at your house, see this article from the American Grandparents Association.

You can also install Internet filtering software on your computer to help block unwanted material. If you aren't tech savvy, you may want to ask another trusted adult for help.

Think about what you can do to make sure that your kids or grandkids are safe online.

The post The porn-dealer lives at Grandma’s house appeared first on FamilyToday.

Pornography is an accumulation of manufactured, fake set-up situations that are trying to appear real and normal. Just the fact that the subjects are playing to a camera and the public eye creates a circumstance that is not genuine. It is not farfetched to say an addiction to pornography would carry some of those manufactured, unrealistic expectations and ideas into an addict's intimate life.

There is always a discrepancy between something that is fake and something real, something that is false and something true. One of the ways a pornography addiction tries to make up for its discrepancy is to tell lies. Lies to the addict, lies to the spouse and lies to their marriage.

The following are only five of the lies experienced by and told to couples when one of them has a pornography or sexual addiction.

1. You are not good enough

For the addict: It would be hard not to compare yourself to people and lifestyles that you are constantly being told are desirable and acceptable. Pornography at its core is a fabricated, unnatural, arranged business, and yet one of pornography's main purposes is to make you think what it shows is exciting and normal. Trying to compete or compare to anything fabricated is an unfair burden on yourself and others.

For the spouse of an addict: When a husband or wife finds someone else desirable and seeks after that person (whether or not they are on the computer screen or in a magazine), it makes their spouse question why. They may wonder if they did not satisfy their spouse in some way or if they "are not good enough." In reality, the spouse of an addict has nothing to do with their spouse's addiction.

In an article, Lili Bee, Founder of PoSARC.com wrote, "Sadly, we believe (wrongly) that if we were only more of this or less of that, he would not have "had" to develop this most selfish of all habits, the compulsive use of pornography. Tragically, in looking for what's wrong with us, we overlook all that is beautiful and right with our magnificent bodies."

Someone else's creation, idea, issue or addiction does not reflect someone else's worth.

2. Your sorrow will never end

As with other trials, addiction can bring a sadness that feels all-encompassing. Since we are talking about an addictive cycle, that sadness continues to renew itself in the lives of addicts and their families on a continual basis. Sometimes it feels like it will never end.

Mankind is meant to overcome trials and find joy in growing. This quote from Helen Keller says it all.

"The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse."

Knowing the sorrow helps us appreciate and try to understand the joy. Still, being in the "valley" is difficult. Thankfully, we all have the "hilltop" to work towards. No matter how many times we get knocked down, we have the right to get back up and keep pushing forward.

3. Joining in your spouse's addiction will be helpful to your marriage

According to pornharms.com and the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, "While at first using porn may seem fun or beneficial, it inevitably leads to a drastic disconnect between partners. Porn is addictive and leaves the viewer with a cache of images to pluck from memory. These images become your sexual partner"¦not the person you are with."

The pornharms.com site continues on to say, "Sexual interactions become about playing out a scene and not about enjoying your partner."

There are many things that that hinder real, face to face relationships with real people. One of these, pornography, is a vice that corrupts what should be an integral part of what is normally a very personal, special and respectful act.

4. Everyone does pornography, so why worry about it?

In an article on fightthenewdrug.com, it says, "it has become almost commonplace for us to assume porn's presence is inevitable; that it'll reach all of us, and there's nothing we can do about it."

They later say in response to a list of pornography statistics, "These problems aren't going away as long as people continue to justify the consumption of porn. "

When we accept pornography, child pornography (check into what is actually illegal), infidelity, prostitution and the other facets of the sexual exploitation industry as the norm we accept the consequences as being the norm as well.

5. No one else understands what you are going through

Whether you are an addict or the spouse of an addict, you may find yourself in a lonely situation. Many times people don't talk about their or their spouse's addiction. They may be embarrassed, afraid it will reflect poorly on them or they may be afraid of how others will view them. As a result, there are a lot of people going through this trial by themselves. They don't realize how many others are going through the exact same thing.

It reasons that, for the same reasons one might keep this a secret, there may be others around them who are silently going through the same things.

Just knowing there are many others who are going through the same types of things can help one not feel alone. Check with a counselor, clergy, or do an online search to find a credible support group.

The post 5 lies about pornography addiction appeared first on FamilyToday.

1. Write your Mom a letter

. For whatever reason, we don't always tell our Mothers how we feel about them. Take the time to tell your Mom how grateful you are for her and what she does. This is a very personal, special gift.

2. Make something with what you've already got

You can bring Mom breakfast in bed, paint her a picture, go on a drive, have a picnic or do something else with what you already have. Just a tip: If you make your mom a meal, whether it's a picnic at the park or a candle light dinner with your best table cloth, don't make her clean up afterwards. Make sure you do the dishes and put the food away.

3. Support Mom's hobby

Get your Mom something that she can have fun with. If she likes to read get her a book or a gift certificate to her favorite book store. If she likes to listen to music get her a new CD. You get the point.

This is a chance to think outside the box. For instance; if she likes to run, you don't have to get her new shoes. Get her new hair bands and clips to help her hair stay put while running. Or get her new head phones for her mp3 player. Or an MP3 player.

If you know she has a hobby, but you don't know anything about it, find someone who does. For example, say your Mom likes to quilt, but you don't know a thing about quilting. Just go to your local fabric store and ask them for help with a good gift for a quilter. But do be careful, no matter what the hobby, with gifts she can't return. Remember, her hobby is her hobby. Or to be sure, ask her what she could use.

4. Buy a gift

Flowers, chocolate, jewelry, a card, a picture frame, a picture, tickets to a show, a gift card, collectibles, something nice for her car, movies, bath salts, perfume, a hat, etc. Think about what she would like and what would make her day.

5. Buy a gift that invests in your home

This can be dangerous. Some mothers would love to wake up on Mother's Day to find you bought her a new washer and dryer. Some mothers would be upset to find a new washer and dryer, only because they would want to pick it out themselves. This is a simple fix. Instead of buying the washer and dryer for them, take them to the store a couple days before (far enough ahead for the store to deliver the appliances to your house by Mother's Day) and let them pick out the washer and dryer. Then there are mothers who would be horrified to wake up and find a washer and dryer because they don't feel it's personal.

You just need to know the person you are buying things for and what they will and won't like. If the gift is at all decorative, like a couch or new paint, I would consult with her about it first.

6. Lessen Mom's workload

Mom does a lot! The idea with this gift is to help her out. Doing the dishes, filling the car with gas, cleaning the bathroom, etc. would really brighten up a mother's day. If you have the finances, you could take her on a vacation. Or even just a night out. Take her to a restaurant or movie.

Whatever the gift, it is the thought that counts. Mother's Day is about showing Mom how much she means to you. Whatever you do; the more thought you put into it, the more special it becomes. Remember that sometimes the most special gift is a hug, smile and spoken words; "I love you." and "Thank you."

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