We've all heard the mantra: Give experiences, not more stuff at Christmas.

This is fine advice, except the people who generally dole out such sage wisdom are also those who can afford to give experiences like going to Disney World on Christmas Day or on a Caribbean cruise to ring in the New Year.

For most of us, lavish "experiences" like that are simply not in the budget, and so we turn to the much more affordable and practical option of toys.

But I've come to realize over the last few Christmases that experiences don't have to mean pricey excursions or mind-blowing vacations. Experiences can be as simple as thinking about gifts that allow your child to do, learn or be something instead of just another toy that will get used up, played out and forgotten.

In our house, Santa always brings just-for-fun toys like this. We can count on him to bring the big, wow-factor, totally impractical gifts and ridiculous stocking stuffers. But as parents, we work hard to limit ourselves to two gifts per child:

1. An experience

This is something our kids can do. Last year, this gift was an art set, complete with Dad's promise to teach the girls how to watercolor throughout the year. One year, it was a ski trip. This year, one of my kids who loves rocks and science will get a kit to crack open her own geodes. And all my kids will be getting a Tote-a-Fort, a new product that encourages kids to get creative in their fort building without using all my clean sheets and heavy books as anchors. Win-win!

2. An interest

This is something our kids have shown a skill or interest in this year. One daughter, for example, loves to solve brain teasers, so she'll be getting a few mind-bending puzzles.

No one in our house will be getting any expensive trips this year, but all the gifts we give tell our kids two important things: We notice you and your interests, and we want to spend time with you. The key to these "experience" gifts is you can't just chuck it at your kid on Christmas morning and then go drink your eggnog. The whole point is to use the gifts as a springboard to creating memories together. The real gift is the time spent bonding over a shared experience. You better believe I'm going to be out there busting open some of those geodes on Christmas Day, and I hate to brag, but my fort-building skills are somewhat legendary.

Thinking of these experience-focused gifts is definitely not as easy as buying the new hot toy at the store, but here are some ideas to get started if you're hoping for something a little deeper than stuff under the tree this year:

1. Memberships

Give the gift of a year of dinosaurs, science, planetariums and children's museums. For adults, think about a membership to a grocery home delivery company, a spa or even a magazine.

2. Smaller experiences

Take the kids to the bowling alley, the skating rink or a make-your-own pottery class. You can even achieve that Christmas morning wow-factor by having a clue under the tree like a new tent for a camping trip, a new bat for the batting cage or a snowman stuffed animal for a sledding day.

3. Lessons

Sign your child (or any loved one) up for art, ballet, music or horseback riding lessons.

4. Books

What better experience to give a kid than the chance to read and fall in love with places and people in their imaginations.

5. Season tickets

Think orchestra, theater, sporting events.

6. Toys that encourage creativity

The fact is, kids want something wrapped under the tree on Christmas morning. But if you know where to look, you can find toys that are fun and foster creativity/experiences. These can be science kits, coding toys, art sets, craft kits or any other product that encourages your child to make, do, think, create and be engaged.

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Is it just me or is Thanksgiving disappearing?

Squeezed between the Halloween sugar high and the Christmas extravaganza, Turkey Day desperately clings to its stake in the holiday world until about 2 p.m. when the stores officially start their Black Friday sales, which have actually been going on since the last trick-or-treater rang the final doorbell.

We take a few hours to celebrate everything we have, everything we are thankful for and the rich abundance of our loves, and then go buy all the things we believe we still need to make us happy.

I refuse to give up on Thanksgiving, and each year, I try new ways to resurrect the holiday in our home and focus on actual thanks giving. This year, gratitude comes down to one idea for me: contentment.

In a world where we are constantly bombarded with the message that we need more, more, more, this desire to have the best - or at least better than someone else - is ripping any sense of real gratitude out of our hands. We are buying into the idea that what we already have is not enough.

In Buddhism, one of the main truths is that all suffering comes from desiring that which we don't have. I feel this idea often in my life as I create a mental list of things that I believe could make me happy. If we could only have a house with a bigger kitchen. If we could have a bigger car. A better job. More money. Longer eyelashes. If we could have those things, we could be happy.

We talk ourselves out of contentment by focusing on what we lack, making it almost impossible to actually be grateful for what we already have.

Going back to Buddhism, the word nirvana, or ultimate enlightenment and peace, includes an extinguishing of all desire. This year, I'm hoping to get a slice of nirvana in my daily life by curbing some behaviors that strip away my contentment and gratitude, and adding in others to refocus on the blessings I already have.

Stop the comparisons

For me, this is the biggest adversary to contentment. We see the lifestyle porn of women baking gingerbread cookies in a spotless kitchen wearing adorable outfits with sassy braids in their hair, and we want it for ourselves. We see posts of our friends on social media and wonder why our lives aren't as fun/adventurous/perfect/humble/inspiring. Whatever you have to do, stop. Limit time on social media. Step away from this most dishonest and disheartening lens.

Let go of impossible standards

As those social media comparisons seep into our lives, we feel like we can't live up to this high standard. Even worse, we push those standards onto the people we love most, and inevitably, they fall short. This is a hard one for me, and I often find myself in what my husband calls "a continuous state of dissatisfaction." It's an ugly trait and one I'm working on. I never want my family to feel like they're chasing some ideal to make me happy. If I'm going to find true contentment, that means accepting my loved ones for exactly who they are.

Count your blessings

This tried-and-true recipe for contentment. Keep a gratitude journal. Just write one you are grateful for each day.

Declutter

Some of the happiest times in my life were when we had next to nothing. No crammed closets and overflowing drawers. In the times when we aren't enslaved to our stuff, we are able to spend more time together and feel content with the little we have.

Meditation

I like to think of this as decluttering the mind. Take a moment each day to focus on existing. Not wanting. Not doing. Not even having. It's amazing how a quick check-in with yourself in a quiet space can refocus you on what actually matters. Plus, finessing those mind-control powers will come in handy when you get that advertisement in your inbox telling you, "Hurry! This sale won't last!" The more you meditate, the more you'll be able to harness the impulses those marketing geniuses are counting on.

Slow down

Speaking of shopping, when you feel that need for more, that desire to have that one thing that you know could make you eternally happy, stop. Think about why you want it. Get to the root of your desire. When you do this, perhaps you'll see that your real desire is not for the object at all. Your desire is to end the longing for that object - to fill a deep void or need that goes way beyond a shopping spree.

It's a pretty bleak picture when you look at desire like that. And the saddest part is as soon as we get the object of our desire, we'll want something else. That's the problem with needing more: It's a never-ending cycle of longing and suffering that only ends when we take a step back and decide it's enough.

We have enough.

We are enough.

The people we love are enough.

And when we get to that place, the real gratitude can begin.

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As a mother of two daughters, I'm basically in love with Taylor Swift right now.

And not because my fifth-grader plays her song "You Belong With Me" on an endless loop in our family room. In fact, I love Swift in spite of that fact.

I love her because of what she did for girls everywhere recently in a trial where she stood up for herself after being victimized by sexual assault.

The trial stemmed from a 2013 incident when Swift accused DJ David Mueller of groping her. Mueller sued Swift in 2015, saying she falsely accused him and cost him his radio job. Swift countersued for $1, and took the stand in August to defend her story, and the jury agreed she had no fault in Mueller's firing.

We talk a lot to our girls about how "no means no" and how they and they alone are in charge of their bodies. But here is a woman who is walking the walk, standing up unapologetically for her account of what happened to her that day (and doing so, by the way, in the face of extensive efforts by opposing counsel to make her question her own memory).

Let's take a look at some of the girl-power awesomeness:

When asked about Mueller being fired from his job, Swift responded: "I'm not going to let you or your client make me feel in any way that this is my fault. ... Here we are years later, and I'm being blamed for the unfortunate events of his life that are the product of his decisions - not mine."

This simple sentence cuts to the core of what I want my children - daughters and son - to understand in a very real way. Victims are not at fault. Every man and woman has agency to choose, and when someone chooses to be a sexual aggressor, that decision falls squarely on their shoulders alone.

When asked if she was critical of her bodyguard for not stepping in, Swift replied that she was being critical of Mueller for where he put his hands.

She refused to let subversive questions in the courtroom knock her off her game. She didn't let opposing counsel let her doubt the truth she knew, or to lessen the responsibility of the alleged aggressor.

When the lawyer showed the photo (taken from the front) of Mueller allegedly grabbing Swift from behind, he asked why her dress was not out of place, Swift replied simply and succinctly that it was because her rear end was in the back of her body.

Sure, Swift could have gotten into details about the logistics of dress hems and photo angles, but she didn't. She just boldly stated the facts, and refused to quibble over distracting details.

And I think that's what makes her testimony so amazing: although she had been victimized, she refused to become a victim. She refused to get into he-said-she-said arguments, or allow anyone to make her less credible or less worthy.

She sent the message loud and clear that she would be telling this story on her terms, and she was in control.

For my own daughters, I can't think of a better message. Their bodies are their bodies. Period. Their truth is their truth. Period. And no one can take away that from them, no matter how hard they try.

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Mothers everywhere are nodding their heads in agreement with a cartoon that's taken the internet by storm. The sketches explain the phenomenon of the "mental load," which is a term most women have experienced but maybe didn't have a name for - until now.

The cartoon "You should've asked," by French cartoonist Emma, shows a mother doing everything for her family until eventually she asks her husband to help. He replies, "You didn't ask." Those simple words send the message the woman is not only responsible for doing most of the tasks, but also for planning and directing them. This invisible "mental load" means women end up doing way more than their fair share of household duties.

I identified immediately with the cartoon. My husband and I don't fight often, but when we do, you can bet it's about equity. Who is doing more? Who woke up more often with the baby? Who is contributing the most and who is slacking off?

So the idea of the mental load intrigued me. Could this be the unnamed inequality I feel but can't explain? When my husband has the kids, for example, his job is simple: Keep them alive.

But when I have the kids (which is most of the time), the job includes not just survival, but coordinating lessons and activities, stretching budgets, fostering friendships, nurturing self-esteem, establishing long-term goals, promoting healthy eating, organizing bedrooms, teaching life-skills like shoe tying, shopping for school supplies and encouraging a sense of civil engagement and female empowerment.

To name a few.

So I sat my husband down, showed him the cartoons and told him how I feel. "I have to think about all these things, all the time," I told my husband. "So it's like I have all the burden and you just waltz in and do the menial tasks I tell you to do. But I have all the stress."

I truly believed this would be some eye-opening moment for us. He would see the light and realize how wonderful I am and maybe fall to his knees in apology and worship. (As every husband should at least quarterly.)

Instead, he said: "Yes. I know. But you also don't see the mental load I carry." He then proceeded to tell me about what he was dealing with at work just this week as the principal of an elementary school. Hiring good teachers from a shrinking pool. Working with a struggling teacher. Meeting with parents of an abused child. Figuring out how to fit arts into a tight budget.

I was stunned. I had been so focused on the mental load I was bearing at home, I didn't stop to think about the one he was carrying while providing for our family.

Then he proceeded to tell me that he'd love to help more but when he doesn't do things exactly the way I would have, I get upset. He got tired of feeling like a failure.

Again, how did I miss this?

So we kept talking. We talked about each of our unspoken burdens we carry. We discussed our frustration with the roles we've slipped into through the years. I admitted I am too critical and want things done a certain way. As we talked, I realized squabbling over dishes and diapers wasn't even scratching the surface of the deeper issue: We both need to feel appreciated for our contributions at home and work.

Even though my conversation didn't go as planned, I'm so glad we took the chance to have it. If you do use this cartoon as a conversation-starter, here's my advice:

1. Be open to a conversation, not a venting session. Hear your spouse's side to things, and let him or her share the mental load they have been carrying.

2. Identify any imbalances. There may be inequality in your relationship. Try to pinpoint specific areas where one person could use some relief.

3. Don't just assign tasks as if one person is the employee and the other is the CEO. Divide duties by whole areas of life. For example, don't just say, "You take the kids to soccer." Let the other parent be in charge of soccer - buying the cleats, keeping track of the schedule, signing up for snack day, making sure the kid is up and dressed for games and practices. Let them take on both the task and the mental load.

4. Now here's the trickiest part: Butt out. Once you give the other parent the responsibility for something, don't micromanage. Let him or her take care of it even if they may not handle it exactly the way you would. My kids often go to soccer with Medusa hair and shockingly mismatched clothes, but that's OK. It is off my mental load list, so it's not mine to worry about anymore.

I'm glad this cartoon spurred our conversation, because like all good conversations should, it changed me. I realized our relationship is not lacking equity, it's lacking compassion and an understanding that we both need to be appreciated for the unseen burdens we carry for our family.

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