A good example of how we can better love our spouse comes from the first couple on this earth, Adam and Eve. In Genesis 2:25 it says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

To cleave to someone doesn't mean to just hang out with them every so often and then go do your own thing. In addition, it doesn't mean putting the needs and interests of others ahead of our spouse. This includes parents. Well-meaning parents often can come between a loving couple. It is our responsibility to keep this verse in mind and cleave to our spouse. What is cleaving? The dictionary defines cleaving as "sticking fast to." A husband and wife should not be separated. While that isn't to say there isn't a place for doing things as an individual - they should be done in moderation. A spouse's most important place is at his partner's side.

This is also demonstrated in Genesis. The devil deceives Eve. She partakes of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil and is going to be forced out of the Garden of Eden. Adam could have allowed Eve to go alone. Instead, he heeded the word of the Lord. He cleaved to Eve and was cast out of the Garden with her.

While the above example did involve Adam and Eve physically going together, this principle doesn't just apply to a physical presence. We must also be singular in purpose with our children and with others. There are few things more degrading than talking behind someone else's back. It's even more troublesome when it happens between spouses.

Another example of loving our spouse is that of Jacob and Rachel. When Jacob first meets Rachel as he goes out to make his way in the world, he goes to her father, Laban and asks to work for Rachel. What is significant about this is in the ancient world, men typically received dowries for women instead of the reverse. Instead, Jacob worked seven years for Rachel. Then when he found that Laban had tricked him, he worked an additional seven years to secure her hand.

The Bible doesn't say much about how Jacob felt about being tricked. However, Genesis 29:20 says that those first seven years "seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her." If we cherished our spouses as much as Jacob cherished Rachel, every marriage would be nearly perfect. This is echoed in the New Testament in Ephesians 5:25. Paul tells the Ephesians "husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it." Christ gave his all for the church and for us. Looking at his perfect example, the person who we should give our all for is our spouse.

Going back to Genesis, we are to be "one flesh." We are two parts of a great whole. We should love and cherish our spouse just as Christ would have us love them. We should be there for them and be willing to serve as Jacob did. As we humbly serve our spouses, our love for each other grows. This virtuous cycle will bind us closer together with our spouses as we continue to work together toward a singular purpose.

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Check your blood sugar regularly

Once you have been diagnosed with diabetes, regularly check your blood sugar. You want it to stay between 70-100 milligrams per deciliter while fasting and 100-140 mg/dL after a meal. If you find it outside that range frequently, it's time to evaluate foods and lifestyle to help keep it in that range

Eat foods that have a low glycemic index

Did you know that the Atkins diet was originally meant for diabetics? There are many foods there that are good choices - meats, cheeses, full fat dairy and green leafy vegetables are fantastic. Be sure to avoid white grains, sugars, candy and potatoes because they can spike your blood sugar quickly. We are looking for complex carbohydrates that can fill you up without causing problems. A great resource for this is www.glycemicindex.com. You can find all sorts of great information there.

Beware of low fat foods

Low fat sounds healthy, and for many people it can be, but low fat doesn't necessarily mean low calorie or low sugar. In fact, often times to help the taste of things after they pull out the fat, food companies will add in sugar to compensate. As a result, it's still unhealthy, just in a different way.

Avoid sugary beverages at all costs

This includes juice, soda, blended coffee or tea drinks with a high sugar content, or anything else that is liquid and is high in fructose or sucrose. Juices seem innocent enough - it's an orange in a glass, after all - but it doesn't provide any bulk like the fruit does. As a result, you take in the calories and sugars but don't fill up. You have to eat additional food to fill up.

Mix up your diet

It is easy to get so bored with what you eat that the temptation to break your diet can become too great. Instead of sticking to the same meals, mix things up. You can even (in moderation) eat some of the forbidden foods of diabetes, just make sure that it's not too much and it's in conjunction with some other great options. If you're really craving a baked potato, try substituting a Yukon Gold for a Russet and have a nice lean steak and some steamed broccoli. If you are dying for some sourdough bread, have a slice with some whole wheat pasta and a hearty tomato and meat sauce.

As you make these changes to your diet, make sure to get out and get the proper exercise you need. Diet is responsible for the vast majority of your health, but exercise is also very important. Find activities that you enjoy and do them regularly. Exercise doesn't have to be going and lifting weights at the gym or running. It can be a walk in the park or anything that gets you up and moving, as long as you enjoy it.

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Wife, 6:10 a.m.: Decides to just get up and turn on some music. Start exercising. There is nothing like Zumba first thing in the morning! Stomp as loud as possible.

7 a.m.: Wake up for good this time. It was hard to sleep through all that racket, anyway.

8 a.m.: After surfing the Internet for a few minutes, head to work late. Don't bother saying goodbye to your family - just leave.

8:30 a.m.: Feed the kids and get them off to school. Leave the dishes and breakfast mess for your husband when he gets home. Facebook with your friends. "Friend" an old boyfriend from high school. Your husband won't mind. Watch TV and lounge around. No need to shower"¦he doesn't notice anyway.

9 a.m.: Hit on your secretary. Your wife will never know.

11 a.m.: Text a buddy about what a drag it is that the old lady won't let you go golfing with him. Get in a few good digs, she's not there!

11:02 a.m.: Realize you accidentally sent the message to your wife. Send her a follow up, "I'm only kidding!"

11:05 a.m.: Forward text to your mother, sister, and best friend. Get in a few good digs of your own. They should know what you have to put up with.

12 p.m.: Tell your wife you can't come home for lunch - you had a meeting come up.

12:01 p.m.: Go to your "meeting" - an hour surfing the 'net while eating a microwave burrito.

12:15 p.m.: Call up your friend and go to lunch at an expensive restaurant. Husband bash. Make sure you order dessert. What are a few extra pounds nowadays?

5 p.m.: Blow off your family and go hang out with some friends. They were going to watch the game, and you really wanted to do that.

5 p.m.: Make your husband's least favorite dinner since he didn't show up for lunch

5:15 p.m.: Husband hasn't arrived. Text. Call. Text again. Demand to know where he is. Text again. Facebook a complaint about how your husband never comes home on time. Call him again. Nagging is so important! Otherwise, men never get anything done.

5:15 p.m.: Put your phone on silent. Your wife nags like a champ, that's why you never answer her calls.

7:30 p.m.: Arrive home. Don't explain why you were so late. Your wife can be such a drag! Instead, demand dinner. You ate at the sports bar, but what's a second dinner among friends?

7:45 p.m.: Don't speak a single word to him when he arrives. Not one. Don't make eye contact. Drop food on the table and leave.

8 p.m.: Ask your wife why the house is such a mess? Feel free to insult her dinner by nitpicking some detail. Nothing is too minor! What does she do all day anyway?

9:30 p.m.: When your wife confronts you about some images that she came across on your computer, blame your kids no matter how old they are. She'll never know.

9:45 p.m.: Google "pornography." Read it to him word for word. Facebook what you find to all your friends. Email your ecclesiastical leader and BCC your mother and mother-in-law. These things can get dangerous if left too long. Better safe than sorry!

Both, 10:30 p.m.: Shout. A lot. That always makes things better

11 p.m.: Don't apologize for anything. Apologies are for the weak, and you are strong. Your spouse should be put in their place, and if they don't like it there, they can leave!

The post How to mess up your marriage in 24 hours appeared first on FamilyToday.

That turnaround happened because of leadership. Likewise families are only as successful as their leaders are. As parents, we lead our families. Now we can't fire children, but we can make sure that we are functioning well at the top.

A happy marriage doesn't just arrive because you say, "I do." Instead, it takes effort from both husband and wife to make it work. Nevertheless, with some work and a lot of understanding, it can be the most rewarding relationship you will ever have. Where do you start? In the vast sea of relationship advice, it can be hard to know what the most important things are. We will share just five things that have mattered the most in our marriage.

Put the other first

Not second behind you. Not behind your children. Especially not behind your parents. First. That starts with putting aside or scaling back on some things that may have taken a lot of time before you were married, such as movies, sports, spending time with friends instead of your spouse, and video games. We know that can seem hard. At the same time, it quickly becomes second nature and more and more enjoyable. Sure, we still do enjoy some individual pursuits, and it's healthy to do so. However, we never put the other second. One small thing we do in this area is whenever we are sharing something tasty, we always give the other person the first bite, the best bites, and the last bite. It is an easy way to show the other person that you care about their happiness/enjoyment more than your own.

Give each other the benefit of the doubt

This can be very hard. Your spouse is someone who loves, honors and cherishes you more than anyone else. As such, they can also be the person who wounds you the deepest. This is natural and expected. At the same time, because of that bond, we tend to paint each other in the worst light. You got angry with me for being home late? You must be trying to hurt me! You didn't acknowledge me when I got home? Wounded to the core! Instead of immediately assuming the worst, try turning it around and asking if you would deliberately hurt your spouse by doing the same thing. Then let it go.

Listen

Men, this is especially directed at you. Your wives really want you to listen to them. We aren't saying "acknowledge that your wife is speaking while you're busy watching football and actually not hearing anything at all." Listen to her. Stop what you are doing, look at her, and hear what she is saying. Listen so intently that you can actually give feedback and tell her what she is talking about. She doesn't want you to solve her problems (in fact, she'd probably prefer that you don't), she just wants to know you care and will help if needed.

Spend time alone together

Too often it's easy to get into a routine where kids, friends, and media are your constant companions. Unplug, slip away, and reconnect with each other. We like to take one trip away every year, even if it's just for a night or two.

Don't ever, ever, ever engage in "spouse bashing." Ever. To anyone

Women are most often the culprits on this one but men do it as well. This can cause SO much damage in a marriage. Many times you may think of it as "venting" or may do it because others are and you want to connect in some way. This is especially important when talking to your parents or other family members. Whether or not your spouse ever hears of what you say, it is hurtful and disloyal. If you are having problems in your marriage, discuss them with your spouse, a counselor, or you may possibly clear one other person with your spouse if need be (a best friend perhaps) but even then be careful what you say and how you say it. Loyalty is so important and trust once broken can be hard to earn back.

Forgive

There is an absolutely AMAZING book on forgiveness called Unconditional: The Call of Jesus to Radical Forgiveness by Brian Zahnd. In it he talks about how as Christians we are called to forgive and end the cycles of revenge. He states, "Forgiveness is not a feeling. Forgiveness is a choice." As mentioned above, those we love have the most power to hurt us, intentionally or unintentionally, and because in marriage we are with each other day in and day out, those hurts can add up. Quickly. If we start taking score, constantly reminding each other of things we have done/not done, calling up things done years ago, we are not following the command to forgive and we can destroy our marriages. Forgiveness is not easy. It is not cheap. It is costly and it is difficult but if we are to truly be successful, not only in our marriages but in life, we can call on our Savior and He can help us forgive our spouses and remove the cancer of bitterness, anger, and revenge.

The post How to live a happy married life appeared first on FamilyToday.

We had an epiphany during a trip to San Francisco. We had taken our two kids to Northern California, flying into Sacramento and out of San Francisco. We had a single mid-sized piece of checked luggage for the four of us along with two Rollaboard suitcases, two umbrella strollers, and two regular-sized backpacks. This was a little heavier than we normally would pack, but because the only time we'd have it all together outside of a car was riding BART to San Francisco Airport, we thought we could manage. We stuffed them to the rafters on the way out, but forgot about getting souvenirs and sourdough bread. By the time we were on our way to BART (via a city bus), we had the Rollaboards, a plastic bag, a box of bread, two backpacks, and two separate strollers. It was a nightmare. Have you ever tried taking a house from street level down 50 feet underground? It's not easy. We had to make separate trips, leaving kids crying and unattended because they were scared of the escalators and we still had to haul enough material to supply Patton's Third Army. It was at this very moment when we decided enough was enough and came up with some principles to help us out.

1. Plan, plan, and plan some more

Decide what you are going to wear each day (try to bring only one pair of shoes, if possible). Make a list before you go so you can check things off as you pack. Find small toys for the kids that can entertain them for long periods of time (coloring, stickers, small cars or Polly Pockets). If you have a long flight you can wrap little things in paper for them to unwrap along the way. Bring snacks that last a long time. One fun snack is Twizzler pull-aparts because they can make shapes and things out of them, then eat them. Two-in-one!

2. Control your stroller space

There are massive luxury strollers these days, but ultimately a single or double umbrella stroller folds up smaller than anything else and works just as well. You can gate check it and it's light enough to maneuver almost anywhere.

3. Ditch the Rollaboard suitcases

We've been huge fans of The Amazing Race and one of the main things we noticed was that every team, that was a threat to win, had on hiking backpacks. We immediately picked one up. In our opinion, this is the best travel invention known to man. It can get heavy, but you'll feel light as a feather knowing that you aren't dragging something behind you. You can go anywhere your feet can and your arms are free to take care of what they need.

4. Wash things while you are on vacation

Hotels charge you a bundle for laundry services, but they provide you with all the essentials in your room. You can scrub your clothes in the sink and dry them on the shower curtain rod or clothesline. You can use the in-room hair dryer to speed the process if you desire. As a result, we've dramatically cut down on the amount of clothes we take. Three sets of clothes should work for any length of trip. We also get travel-sized Febreze and wrinkle release to freshen up our clothes in-between washes.

5. Figure out what you can buy at your destination

It's worth it to skimp on diapers or baby food if you can buy them while on vacation. You don't want to spend your entire trip looking for a store, but a little research beforehand goes a long way.

6. Get a bigger checked bag

Our rule of thumb is two adults + two children can fit in a medium-sized bag. If you have a larger family, adjust accordingly. Get the largest one that fits an airline's definition of checked bag. "But what about weight?" Fret not! Pack clothes and/or diapers. Nothing else.

7. Get an iPad or other tablet

We realize we're getting expensive here, but hear us out. It's changed our travel lives. It has enough battery life to get you between almost any two airports in the world. It holds hours of movies it does books, and it has games. We have replaced innumerable books, movies, and games with a tiny little slate, saving valuable weight and space in the process. It's absolutely astonishing, and it's a "must have" travel companion.

8. You don't need a lot of toiletries

Yes, there are some that you won't have where you stay. Get sample sizes and put anything larger in smaller containers. Don't try to pack your whole beauty regimen in a suitcase. It's a recipe for disaster.

9. Ship it

Beau has done some public speaking that required handouts. We'll do research to find the nearest place to print his things. If it's materials like books, we'll send it to his hotel, a few days early, so that it's there when he needs it.

We know it sounds minimalist and difficult; however, it's one of the best things we've done! Give it a try...once you feel the unfettered freedom of walking through the airport without dragging things behind you, you'll never go back!

The post 9 tips for traveling with children appeared first on FamilyToday.

Who should participate?

It's easy to extend existing family traditions into a new family. For example, when you get married, you often continue what your parents or your spouse's parents do. We feel that it's important to not just do that, but to also forge your own traditions that can enhance and strengthen your family and not just your extended family.

How should you decide what to do?

As is the case with all important decisions, it's important to make decisions about traditions together as a couple. You don't want to have one spouse or the other be frustrated or angry because they were railroaded on the decision. Make sure that you incorporate a combination of things that are from each of your existing families as well as new things that just your family does.

How many traditions?

Limit your "traditions." Not every little thing you do as a family should be considered tradition. For example, just because you usually have a roast beef on Sundays doesn't necessarily mean that that is a family tradition. Traditions are typically less frequent and more special, such as things you do on holidays or special occasions. Having too many traditions can make them less special, more easily forgotten, and confusing to family members. If you think of some new ones you would like to adopt, drop some old ones.

Traditions tend to be the best when they fit the spirit of the day you are celebrating. For example, a tradition of visiting the graves of some relatives with your family on Memorial Day followed by a barbeque is a great tradition, one of our favorites. Going into the desert and skeet shooting followed by a tailgate party is less effective, though it may very well be quite fun.

Don't get stuck on the small stuff

One of our family members is known around our family for her adherence to tradition, sometimes to the detriment of the actual event that we were celebrating. One Christmas at a family event, Rachelle made a different type of sweet potatoes than what we usually had (hers had walnuts on top). When she placed them on the table, suddenly a family member started twitching like something was the matter. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore.

"Where are the sweet potatoes?"

"They're right there."

"But those aren't right!"

"They're sweet potatoes, just like mom asked."

"But they're not OUR sweet potatoes. It's tradition!"

"I'm sorry, this is what we made."

She tasted a small portion but at one point only half-jokingly said "Thanks, you just ruined Christmas!" Needless to say, we have not been invited to bring sweet potatoes again.

Thus, instead of enjoying each other's company and celebrating the spirit of the Christmas season, we had to smooth over hurt feelings. Make your traditions bigger than just what you eat. Make them about who you gather with and what you do, not what the menu has to be or what everyone has to wear (unless your tradition involves some kind of Shakespearian festival, then that may be important).

Don't make traditions matter more than the people involved in them. They are supposed to bring you together, not tear you apart. If they're causing problems in your family, it may be time to think of some new traditions.

The post But it’s tradition! appeared first on FamilyToday.

Begin with Communication

First, discuss how you want to deal with your in-laws with your spouse. You are dealing with their parents and as such, you should discuss things with your spouse first. Sometimes they welcome the more hands-on style that is typical with in-laws or they may want to pull back. Regardless, before doing anything else, make sure you are united in what you would like.

Identify Flash Points

Second, identify flash points. What are things that make your relationship with your in-laws challenging? Is it money? Is it a holiday schedule? Is it them telling you how you should parent? Is it something else altogether? Find out what causes friction between you (the easiest way to identify this is if you feel a fight or flight urge when talking with them about it) and discuss what your family's plan should be.

One of the "flash points" in our relationship with Rachelle's family was the fact that Beau's parents are divorced and both have remarried. With all three families living in close proximity we decided to divide everything equally (holiday rotations, Sunday dinners, etc.) between all three families. As the bride's family, her family felt they should get half and his family should get half. They did NOT like being a "third." It caused a lot of angst for many years and occasionally still pops up. While talking with them one of the things we decided to do was stop Sunday dinners with them altogether because it was causing so much anxiety and to just try to do other things with them throughout the month.

Talk About It

Next, talk with your in-laws. We know it sounds easy, but typically talk is where things break down. Miscommunication can occur in any situation, but when there's no communication, it's even worse. When you talk with them, use some basic rules that will keep the conversation safe. First, don't attack - make things safe for them, and in turn it will be safe for you. Acknowledge your gratitude for what they have done for you. They were a big part in your spouse being who they are and by recognizing that, it will help them to see that you do value them, but you also want to have some space as well.

Don't be adamant in all your demands. Just like imposing unilateral, punitive peace terms with Germany didn't work so well for France and the United Kingdom at the end of World War I, insisting on everything being "your way or nothing" is a sure way to lead to bigger problems down the road. There are some things that may not be negotiable, but make sure that they are the most important things. Above all, listen to their concerns and make sure that you have fully addressed them.

Silence Destroys Trust

When a situation arises where your trust is breached, talk with them about it. Don't let things fester because as Al Switzler, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, and Ron McMillan say in their book Crucial Conversations, you will either talk it out or act it out. If you choose to stay silent, you will end up doing things that will negatively impact your relationship with them and will make things worse in the long run.

Be firm but don't be angry. Just because your in-laws are expecting more than you want, don't get angry with them. Instead, be firm in your limits. Tell them "we appreciate your desire to [help, see us more often, etc.]; however, we are doing things this way because we feel that it is best for our family." We know this is easier said than done, but that leads into our final suggestion.

Use Love

Love them. They have entrusted you with something that is more precious to them than almost anything else. Most of the time they are trying to help you and your spouse and are using their years of wisdom to do so. Sometimes they are wrong, sometimes they overstep their bounds, but all of the time they are working to love you like one of their own and to make sure that you care about their child as much or more than they do.

If all else fails, remember that what goes around comes around. One day you'll be the in-law and your son or daughter-in-law will be reading this trying to figure out the very same things you once did!

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