Dennise Sleeper – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Wed, 27 Aug 2014 16:30:00 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Dennise Sleeper – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 5 steps to help grow your spiritual muscles and find true happiness https://www.familytoday.com/family/5-steps-to-help-grow-your-spiritual-muscles-and-find-true-happiness/ Wed, 27 Aug 2014 16:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-steps-to-help-grow-your-spiritual-muscles-and-find-true-happiness/ Our Father in Heaven wants us to be happy. Through his prophets, he's sent messages from home that have been…

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God works through the humble - those living in meager accommodations, willing to depend on and learn from him. Even his son, Jesus, was sent to Earth born of a virgin and his earthly father was a carpenter. His birth took place in a stable, and his crib was a manger.

Prior to, and after, Jesus' birth, Heavenly Father communicated his concerns, love and desires for his earthbound children through his prophets. These messages from home are found in the Bible. Today, these messages are as important and helpful as they were when first given.

The following steps will help you grow your spiritual muscles and find true happiness through the Word of God.

Search

Away from our heavenly home we have questions and concerns. Through his word Heavenly Father teaches us how to be happy while living on Earth and how to find our way back home. His loving messages help us through conflicts, raising our families and strengthening our spiritual muscles.

Paul explains happiness is not the absence of conflict. Philippians 1:29 tells us we are to "suffer for his sake." Proverbs 29:18 tells us obeying his commandments is happiness, "he that keepeth the law, happy is he."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says happiness comes from opposition, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven:" We can't understand good without bad because bad defines good and vice versa.

Reading the Bible can be done in any order, such as start to finish - Genesis to Revelation, but searching is done, by topic, through a bible dictionary, by history, or verse to verse to understand a point, commandment or confirmation of a way of life.

Proverbs 2:4 tells us to search with the same determination and hard work as you would look for "hidden treasure."

Ponder

We should stop and ponder any questions, commandments or concerns as we read the Bible. This requires serious thought about the message(s) found within its pages.

Pondering helps reach an understanding of how to apply the messages at a personal level and answers the questions, why or what. Why did God send this message to me? What is God trying to tell me?

In Romans 8:28-31, God told us how much he loves us and, if you read further, he helps us understand the importance of being watchful. Satan attacks in small degrees. "One won't hurt." But the lack of moderation could lead to the thought, "I'm so far gone, no one can save me."

But God can, as he tells us in his messages. Ponder the verse(s) you are reading and make them personal. What does this mean for me? How can I use this to strengthen me?

Pray

Because Satan attacks in degrees, and often from within, prayer is the most important way we can communicate with our Heavenly Father and solicit his help. When you can, pray vocally. This lets Satan know your thoughts, desires and he'll hear your faith that Heavenly Father will answer your prayers.

He asks us to pray, 1 Chronicles 16:11, for the right reasons, James 4:3, even if we're not sure what we're praying for, Romans 8:26. It doesn't matter if we're rich, poor, humble, pretentious, free, bound, loved, unloved, educated or uneducated; you can tell him your thoughts and concerns, and ask him for understanding so you can benefit from his loving messages.

Do

This part may be the hardest. Ask yourself the following questions. Who saves the world if the family is destroyed? Are you more comfortable in the light? The dark? What does Heavenly Father's message mean to me? To others? As asked in Galatians 1:10, are you striving to please God? Or man?

I have found the best way to find the above answers, to feel the love in Heavenly Father's messages, to stay close to him and to find true happiness is to serve. Jesus taught us unselfish service and Matthew 16:24 explains that when we serve others, we're following him.

While here on Earth, you can't get any closer to Heavenly Father than through service. Service often creates an "aha" moment in which you receive the answers or understanding you're seeking, so "Let your light so shine before men,... and glorify your Father which is in heaven," Matthew 5:16. Forget and lose yourself in the service of the Lord.

Grow

Are you willing to learn from and depend on the Lord? Are you reading his word? Are you pondering what you read? Are you praying for clarification and understanding? Are you applying what you learned? Are your spiritual muscles growing?

Sometimes you may not understand what he is asking of you or how you will grow from his loving advice. These times requires faith, even the faith as small as a mustard seed that can "move mountains," Matthew 17:20.

Stay close to God, continue growing, read and re-read his messages, when you're happy and during the times you are discouraged, afraid, or depressed. You'll receive inspiration, be uplifted, your spiritual muscles will grow, and you'll find the happiness only available from your father in heaven.

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4 essential elements of a long, happy marriage https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/4-essential-elements-of-a-long-happy-marriage/ Sun, 17 Aug 2014 11:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/4-essential-elements-of-a-long-happy-marriage/ Faith in God, your spouse and your marriage along with love and commitment are essential elements of a long, happy…

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The love of your life stands before you. What will life send your way? Right now you're thinking nothing can go wrong. What will happen when life surrounds you and tries to pull you apart? How will your marriage survive?

There are many elements to a long, happy marriage but the following four are essential.

Faith

Faith is one of the most essential elements. Faith in God translates into trust in God and making choices that include him.

Faith binds. It binds you to God, your spouse and your goals. Matthew 19:26 says all things are possible with God. Faith in the Lord helps keep your relationship strong. Through faith, you can build a strong foundation and together you can lean on it when trials try to pull you apart.

Commit to a shared faith with common values. Even if you're from different religions, this is possible. Trust in and communicate with each other. Discuss what God means to each of you and how important he is to yourselves and your marriage. This commitment to faith and trust in God will help you overcome obstacles.

Look to the Lord

A relationship whose foundation is faith in God is sacred and strong. Romance-only relationships tend to be selfish. Faith helps mature the relationship and allows couples to say "I'm sorry" and to forgive.

Strength comes from God and when you both look to the Lord, you believe in each other and your marriage. Pray together, read the bible together and share your religious beliefs. Attend church often; even visiting each other's if you're from different religions. Do not try to convert each other. Instead, try to understand each other's faith and unify the traditions you can and work with the ones you can't. Faith will guide your life and marriage.

I was ready for marriage and prayed each night for a husband. One day I asked my brother to go to the movies with me. He had plans with his friend. "Bring him along," I said. Afterward we began dating, talked about God, and I prayed to know that he was the one for me. Our relationship started with faith and still relies on the Lord.

Define love

Communication is important in all phases of a relationship. Talk to one another about what love means and how you can support each other with that love. Faith in each other's love strengthens the marriage and helps couples work harder to stay together.

Unconditional love meets each other's needs; it doesn't ask for something in return. Love supports each other through the good and the bad and is there with a shoulder, no matter how often it's needed.

Faith and unconditional love is the only way couples are going to remain together. It won't work if one or both wants to quit as soon as life tries them or the relationship. The article, 3 qualities of love, explains the mature love needed to maintain a long, happy marriage.

When we were dating, my husband asked why I hadn't told him I loved him. I told him I didn't want to say it until he understood what love meant to me. This discussion allowed me to tell him, and he me, what "I love you" means. Knowing this has made it easier to survive the rough waters.

Commitment

Remember your marriage vows. Most vows ask if you will honor and love your spouse for better or for worse. The answer is commonly, "I do." And, yet, according to a study done by Jennifer Baker, Forest Institute of Professional Psychology, Springfield, divorce rates for first time marriages are 45 percent to 50 percent, second time divorce rates are 60 percent to 67 percent, third time rates are 70 percent to 73 percent and don't confirm the ideals of the day the words "I do" were spoken.

To honor someone is to revere them, to respect them, to consider them worth more than anything. Faith makes it easier to honor as explained in Romans 12:10. Follow this scripture's advice to prefer one another and you'll strengthen your marriage.

Remember your vows when your spouse tries you. Never speak unkind words and be ready to ask forgiveness if you do. Be loving and devoted to each other throughout your marriage as you promised that first day. Trust in the Lord and rely on your faith.

We began our marriage with faith in God, each other and the ability to weather through any storm that would test our marriage. Almost 30 years later, we're still leaning on that faith and each other. The fun part I tell others is that we have three marriage certificates, one from his mom's preacher that married him to me, one from my mom's preacher that married me to him and the renewal of our marriage vows where we married for time and eternity. We love and honor each other so much; we plan to remain married beyond this life.

The article 6 essential ingredients for a long, happy marriage introduces other integral elements that will help keep your marriage healthy.

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3 qualities of love https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/3-qualities-of-love/ Fri, 01 Aug 2014 07:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/3-qualities-of-love/ A good, long-lasting marriage begins with the first date. Be true to yourself and your companion and you'll be celebrating…

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During our honeymoon flight, the woman next to us asked how we knew we loved each other enough to marry. The answer I gave her is still as applicable today as it was almost 30 years ago.

To us, our marriage was sacred and studies, such as the 2001 study by Annette Mahoney et al, have shown religion strengthens the marriage commitment. We told her belief in God and Jesus Christ was important to the both of us.

We then explained some of the other qualities important to our love. These have also strengthened our marriage, family and other relationships.

Individuality

The love that keeps a marriage strong is not the electricity, hormones or infatuation that brought you together. It's not the pretty or handsome face or features. These change as we grow older. It's each other's character that keeps the love strong in a marriage.

Couples should date long enough to get past the honeymoon or infatuation phase because it's usually not strong enough to maintain a marriage. Marriage should not occur until you understand and know for a surety you can live with your partner's character. You'll also need to answer the question, "How important are the character traits that bother you?" Remember, marriage is not instantaneous or here today, gone tomorrow, it's a 50-year or more commitment. If you can't get past a particular trait, you'll be miserable, and the marriage may suffer.

I fell in love with my husband's smile, his humor and his willingness to accept me as I was. Neither of us has tried to change the other. Sure there are things he does that bother me and vice versa, but they aren't enough to negate, or disturb the love that binds us. If we're troubled enough, we know we can talk about it without condemnation. He was, and still is, the love of my life.

Differences and similarities

Different feelings and points of view should be welcome in any relationship and are important to a healthy relationship; however they should not be destructive. Dealing with conflict should draw upon both partner's differences and similarities. This quality provides balance. Often differences are ignored early in a relationship while couples focus on their similarities. Be honest with this quality. Always show your companion your true self. If your attempts to woo require false premises, your relationship will not last.

How does your companion handle disagreements with you? With friends? With strangers? Are responses verbally abusive? Physically abusive? Can you handle the yelling? The responses to conflict need acknowledgement and should not be overlooked. Overlooking is easy to do during the honeymoon phase, but not during any other phase of the relationship. Marriage should not be considered if there's violence or abuse. Do not overlook these signs.

Marriage brings two people together and needs to be based on the same goals. Spouses may have separate goals for their individual selves, but both need to have the same goals for the marriage. Fifty or more years is a long time, even though they seem to go by quickly, so make short, mid- and long-term goals as advised in 6 points to increase your chances of keeping your New Year's resolutions.

Many times our parents told us the story of my dad's proposal. He asked my mom, "How many children are we going to have?" She responded, "You haven't asked me to marry you." He said, "I already know you're going to marry me."

She wanted 12 children. They had 5 of which I'm the oldest.

Communication

This quality intertwines with and binds all the other qualities of a relationship. Talking during the dating and honeymoon period is very important for couples to learn more about their compatibility and helps with the decision to the question, "Is this the one?"

Keeping God in your marriage is an important quality, and communication through prayer is the way to invite his help to keep your marriage strong. Each individual should include prayers for their partner as well as themselves.

Communication is also important to understanding individuality and character traits. Talk to your companion during the dating and honeymoon phase. This will help you know whether or not you can live with each other's differences and similarities.

Couples need to understand each other's parental objectives and if they're workable for the relationship. How many? How are you going to handle differences of culture and religion? What about discipline? Who stays home? Is it possible for one to work part time while the other works full time, or do both need to work full time? Daycare choices? School choices? Even if your decision is to not have children, discussions should include answers to "what if?" As life often reminds us, we don't always get what we want.

For further understanding of the importance of the quality of communication in all types of relationships, read 6 ways to improve communication in your marriage._

We told the woman to be herself and talk to her companion about her likes, dislikes and their differences and that communication is one of the most important qualities of any relationship. Make sure these qualities are present in your relationship, and you'll be celebrating your 50th anniversary and beyond.

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The fight within: Do it, don’t do it https://www.familytoday.com/family/the-fight-within-do-it-dont-do-it/ Wed, 23 Jul 2014 20:00:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/the-fight-within-do-it-dont-do-it/ We all fight with the shoulder devil at one time or another. It's important to listen to the angel, the…

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Do you remember the cartoons where the characters argued with themselves? The ones where the devil sat on one shoulder and said, "Do it," and an angel sat on the other and said, "Don't do it."

The devil represented wrong choices. The angel represented choosing the right and often warned of possible consequences if the devil's advice was followed.

The shoulder angel is the still small voice that guides us to make the right choices. Many times we don't want to follow it, especially in the heat of a wrong, but when we listen and follow its advice, wrongs are solved much more smoothly.

Some call the voice the Holy Ghost, some the Holy Spirit and still others may call it the Spirit, Spirit of God, Spirit of the Lord, Spirit of Christ, or the Comforter, Inner Voice or conscious. No matter its name, when followed, it may save hours of heartache.

Listen, it's important

The Spirit of God seldom yells. Some say it's more like a feeling or thought and is not easily heard in loud situations. This makes hearing the voice difficult, especially when in the gravity of the situation, and requires learning how to hear its protective guidance. To receive these instructions, the mind and soul must be kept clean through proper speech, thoughts and actions. The Spirit is easily chased away during continued arguing, conflict and division.

How do we know we're listening to the Spirit of Christ and not our own thoughts? It's a learning experience and may include mistakes. The Spirit speaks to the heart and the mind and offers good choices, not evil options.

Listening to the still small voice is extremely important to health. Wrong choices tend to lead to physical and spiritual ill-health.

Follow the still small voice

Anger, hatred and vengeance make it harder to hear or follow the voice. The devil on the character's shoulder advises against forgiveness and presses for vengeance. The angel recommends forgiveness and to stay away from retaliation.

Vengeance and continuous thoughts of retaliation spiral down into unhappiness and physical symptoms of illness. Forgiveness, no matter how difficult, is necessary to protect against physical and spiritual suffering as explained in this article, Free at last: I forgive you.

Following the Inner Voice is also extremely important in a healthy relationship. Many times something will be said or done that angers or hurts and brings out the shoulder devil. Don't listen. The advice is faulty and can lead to the destruction and loss of the relationship. Listen to the Comforter as it tries to stop retaliatory hurtful words or responses. Physically and spiritually you'll be stronger for obeying your "Don't do it" advice.

The shoulder devil wants you as unhappy as it is. Ask yourself if this is what you want. This question needs to be answered before words or actions of anger are expressed. Being prepared to hear the conscious as it warns during a conflict will help prevent saying or doing something regretful. (If the Holy Ghost is heard, then he is still speaking and regret is definitely a possibility. Follow the still small voice before anguish is a constant companion.)

Think before speaking

In the heat of anger, the devil sounds right and hateful, burning words will hurt the recipient as soon as those words pass lips and the messenger will begin to feel guilt. Some may deny this, but the Spirit is doing its best to stop the retaliatory angry response. Many times before it crosses injured lips. Why? Anger is harmful to the family, friends and the soul.

Think before acting

One purpose of the Holy Ghost is to guide away from and instill the desire to be free of sin. Mark Twain said, "Actions speak louder than words, but not nearly as often."

Just like thinking before speaking, thinking before acting is important. Improper actions in anger may create an unwanted reputation. As in speaking, the Holy Spirit will do its best to prevent improper actions. Calm down and listen to the shoulder angel as the Comforter tries to replace anger, hatred and hurt with love, peace and comfort.

The inner voice provides choices to lead to joy, peace, love, patience, hope, faith, meekness, comfort, gentleness, protection from deception, knowledge and truth, recognition of sin and to testify of God and Jesus Christ. Listen to the inner voice as it strives to strengthen marriages, relationships and families and protect from spiritual and physical dangers.

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6 steps to improve family communication https://www.familytoday.com/family/6-steps-to-improve-family-communication/ Wed, 12 Feb 2014 03:00:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/6-steps-to-improve-family-communication/ Communication requires patience, understanding and all of your attention. Here are six steps to help improve and strengthen the family through…

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Proper communication requires patience and understanding from all involved members. It requires focusing on the problems and concerns as a team. The following six steps will help strengthen your family as you reach an acceptable solution together.

Be available

So many times we tell our family, "I'm busy," or, "Later," and, "Not now." What we are telling them is we don't have time for them; their needs aren't important enough to stop, listen and advise. I know this isn't what is meant, but this is what is heard. Obeying this command, they turn to others or hide within themselves. Both solutions make future communications difficult and could lead them to make improper choices.

Be available when they are ready. Drop whatever you are doing.

Leave distractions behind

Give them your full attention. Don't be thinking about what is going undone. This is not the time to multi-task. This is the time to let them know you care and are concerned about their problem as much as they are. They will not believe this if they notice you are thinking about other things or actively involved in other tasks.

Don't answer the phone. Better yet, turn it off. Turn off the TV, smart phone, tablet, gaming device and the computer. Put down your book and walk away from any writing, drawing or painting.

Focus and stay mentally involved in the conversation.

Listen with patience

Listen with intent and interest. Intent to help solve the problem, to invite Christ-like love, to hear and to see what is being said. Interest to recognize the problem and to come to an understandable, workable solution. Don't assume you know the answer before hearing the complete problem or concern.

It's so easy to stop the conversation and tell them you've been there, done that and then proceed to provide a solution. Unfortunately, what worked for you may not work for them. Hear them out.

Remember when you were a child, and you were told "you have two ears to hear and one mouth to speak?" Listening is as important as speaking with the right words. Listen.

Listen carefully to the problem with patience and an undivided attention. Only then can an acceptable solution be reached.

Communicate with Christ-like love

Communication requires the sacrifice of your time, patience and understanding. It's not the time to be a dictator. Instead of telling your family how it is or is going to be, follow Jesus Christ's example and use love. Don't assume family members know how you feel. Regularly show it and say it.

Family not only hears our tone, they also see our body language. Make sure your body is saying "I love you, no matter what." Speak with affection not anger. Be truthful, compassionate and respectful. Be cautious as unhealthy criticism tries to escape your lips. Refrain from using accusatory words. This puts the listener on the defensive and breaks down communications. (Avoid words like "you" and "you're." Avoid body language that points sharply at the listener.)

Don't be afraid to say what you think as long as it's done in a caring, loving way. Choose words that can be understood by them and are uplifting. So many times, I hear, "I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid of how you'd respond." If your responses are considered with love, your family will not be afraid to tell you. Remember, to avoid accusatory responses, yelling or jumping to conclusions.

Never end communication in silence. This leaves communicators isolated and doesn't solve the problem or concern. If silence is too long, family members may feel hurt and reach the wrong conclusion.

Communicate with Christ-like love and show your family you love them, "no matter what."

Refrain from being judgmental

Speak with understanding and not criticism and pointed words. Don't attack, point, misjudge, or assume you know the answers until you've heard all the problems or concerns. Ask for clarification so that you and your family understand the problems and concerns. Give advice and allow them to use it their way. Remember, they are not you. Listen and advise with the understanding it's given in love and without expectations.

Know you are not perfect either, and don't be afraid to say you're sorry. This teaches family members to say they're sorry and that your home is not a "do as I say, not as I do" home. A sincere apology binds a family together and provides the needed bond for future communications.

Speak and listen without judgmental thoughts and words.

Use these steps in your marriage

Good communication is important for a strong family and marriage. Treat your spouse with the same understanding and considerations whenever you're involved in a discussion. Your long, happy marriage will thank you.

Communication is listening, watching body language and paying attention to the emotion behind the problems and concerns. Listen to your family, understand what they are saying and make sure they understand what they are saying. Respond with love and concern without being judgmental. Here are some other ways to improve communication in your marriage.

Keep your body language and emotions relaxed and welcoming. Listen to your family's voice and tone. Watch their body and emotional responses. You'll know if you need to remember any of the above steps or that you're communicating effectively and strengthening your family.

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5 ways to help provide strength and happiness to your family https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-ways-to-help-provide-strength-and-happiness-to-your-family/ Sat, 01 Feb 2014 03:00:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-ways-to-help-provide-strength-and-happiness-to-your-family/ Your desire to marry and have a family is strong. How will you survive this "old fashioned" idea? Commit to…

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Two of the strongest pulls, as we mature, is to marry and to raise a family. Today's world looks at these desires as old fashioned and contrary to self-fulfillment. And yet, they are strong enough to bring couples together. Fulfilling these desires to their fullest requires a commitment that will strengthen the family during trials, keep them together and provide happiness.

1. Commit your whole heart to the family

There are different levels of commitment. Many commit to their family as long as things are going great. As soon as misunderstandings, differences of opinion and self-centered thoughts strain the family, couples separate; families break up.

Keeping a family intact requires the highest level of commitments. Ephesians 5:28-29 reminds us to love our spouse as we love ourselves. Couples must give their whole hearts to each other and, in turn, their family.

It's easy to commit with words, but the truth comes out in actions. I've seen friends fear to fully commit to their families because that meant forgetting themselves and their needs. I have found this to be untrue, but it does mean selfishness must be thrown out. You might have to give up an occasional friends night out, but don't fret. I found outings with my husband, and, later, with our family to be more than a satisfactory substitute.

For one, we haven't given up date night. Remember how much fun it was getting ready and telling your friends you have a date? That's still possible, even after years of marriage. I still get excited when date night approaches.

Commit to your family the love you have for yourself. Contrary to popular belief, you'll find all your wishes and desires, even some you didn't know existed, fully satisfied by this relationship.

2. Resolve to commit

When disagreements tax the family, each family member needs to decide if their point of view will strengthen or weaken the family bond. They must also resolve to protect the relationship by being willing to compromise or agree to disagree and let it go.

This level of commitment is not easy. A strong resolve helps force communication between couples and family members. Communication that says what you mean, doesn't accuse (say "I" or "me," not "you"), and then listens with true intent to understand the other's side, is what saves a relationship. Daily fluctuations in emotions and stresses require loyalty, respectful communication filled with love and a desire to find solutions that keep the family intact.

3. Commit to provide shared experiences

An awe-inspiring walk in the dark below a clear sky outside the boundaries of a city is more thrilling when shared with your family. This has been very true for our family outings and activities. Shared activities give us common ground, common goals and common experiences that often result in questions that begin with "remember when ... ?"

Family playtime gives the feeling of belonging and community. Cherish your family, hug them, create family traditions and plan outings that strengthen your family bonds and enhance self-worth.

4. Commit to family prayer

Since the creation of Adam and Eve, the family has been most important to God. He wants us to communicate with him in the same way we want our children to communicate with us. Prayer is the method of communication between us and God. Teach your family how to pray.

Set the example. Children do as we do, even when we ask them to "do as I say and not as I do." Let them see you pray. Through prayer, we can solicit God's help during trials, to stay off temptation and thank him for the many blessings he's bestowed.

Family prayer is important, but don't forget about individual prayer for the family. Prayers for your family, and its individuals, are influential in strengthening your family and keeping them together, safe and unified.

5. Commit to be an example of God's love

Put family first and commit to be an example of God's love. Exemplifying God's love fulfills his plan for the family. Forget the pull of making more money or fulfilling self-needs. Instead, teach by example. Your family will learn to love selflessly and will have the strength to get through life's trials.

This selfless love, when repeated to the next generation and to neighbors, shows how important we are to God. Everyone touched by God's love, whether directly from him or through someone else, is strengthened and blessed.

Commitment is not easy. There may be times when "what about me?" is asked. You aren't lost; you're part of a greater whole. Don't forget "me" is family; "me" is us. Selfless commitment to your spouse and family secures your happiness in ways never considered.

Commit to strengthen yourself, your family and your spouse.

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6 ways to increase your chances of keeping your New Year’s resolutions https://www.familytoday.com/living/6-ways-to-increase-your-chances-of-keeping-your-new-years-resolutions/ Thu, 16 Jan 2014 19:53:02 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/6-ways-to-increase-your-chances-of-keeping-your-new-years-resolutions/ Many New Year's resolutions fail in six months. Here are six points to increase the chances of your resolutions making it…

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The Roman god Janus, for which January is named, was the god of beginnings and endings and is often represented as a double head that sees ahead and behind. As years end and move into a New Year, many New Year's resolutions (goals) are made. The following six points will increase your chances of joining the 8 percent who successfully meet their goal.

1. Set a specific goal

A common mistake is to make too many goals, goals that are difficult to keep or are too vague. Don't become part of the 54 percent whose resolutions fail to last past six months. Choose one important specific goal.

A goal that is vague may prevent success. Setting a specific goal helps reach that goal. For example, to succeed with the goal of weight loss, the number one New Year's Resolution, decide how much weight you want to lose. If organization is your goal, pick a specific area in your life you want organized and how you plan to do this. If you want to stay fit and/or get healthy, decide how you will accomplish this. Maybe you want to eat less, eat more vegetables, less meat or you want to use exercise to achieve this goal.

These and countless other goals require you to set a specific goal to increase your chances of success.

2. Study your goal

With the goal in mind, look back at the year left behind and find the wisdom learned from your life's experiences. Now look forward and answer the following questions, is the goal relevant, controllable and set with a definite length of time? Can the goal be broken into small, manageable, measurable steps? Is the goal specific and achievable? Don't be afraid to contact others to help answer these questions.

Use this step to understand your goal and make sure it's specific enough to reach. For instance, you decided to spend more time with your family. Your specific goal is to do this by increasing your Saturday activities. Is this specific enough? Or do you need to break it down more? We will fish X amount of weekends, visit X museums (great for the rainy days), hike X times, watch X movies, etc.

Study all sides of your goal and make sure it's manageable and obtainable.

3. Write down your goal

Write down your goal with its short-term and long-term steps. Keep track of your accomplishments whether positive or negative. Join and/or create a blog to let family and friends know about the goal and how it's going. The more people involved the more likely for success.

Blog, Facebook, Twitter, email or call to inform friends, family and total strangers of the ever-changing indicators. These create feedback by providing literal and virtual shoulders to cry on when progress is going backwards and praises for successes.

Write down your goal and track your progress (weekly or monthly, rather than daily, is more likely to give you the positive indicators needed to keep going and increase your chances of success).

4. Pray about your goal

Prayer attunes goals with those of God's and increases chances of success. If the goal is contrary to his will, the goal may need readjustment or changed to another that is more aligned with his plan.

Ask for his will to be done, a positive attitude to increase success, understanding when you feel you are failing and how to turn it into success, strength to overcome temptations and thank him for all blessings, including the blessings of success and the things learned from failure. (So, is it really failure?)

5. Evaluate your goal

Periodically evaluate your goal and where you are compared to where you want to be. Since your small, manageable steps have led to success, you may find yourself finishing the goal sooner. Is there more you can add for a greater benefit? What can you do to maintain your desired goal's effect?

If you fail several weeks or months in a row, re-evaluate your small, manageable steps and make sure they're not too large. Reset your goal and begin, again. This is not failure; this is sticking to your goal. Failure only happens when you quit without completing your resolution.

6. The last point - follow-up

Did you write down your goal? Did you periodically evaluate your progress and make any necessary changes? By year's end, did you meet your goal? If not, re-evaluate as in the previous step and consider was your goal possible?

Another consideration when following up is to compare the end result to the goal. Was your goal to read more, you set the goal to 10 novels, and you read 9? Some may consider this an unreached goal, but in actuality, you did reach your goal to read more (remember when you learned rounding in math?). You may congratulate yourself and remember this achievement when studying your next goal.

Follow up and increase your chances of success with your next New Year's resolution.

Tackle all your goals with these six points and you'll be more likely to achieve your New Year's resolutions and prevent reoccurrence of the need for this same goal year after year. Here are some ideas on how to help your children set goals.

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4 ways to strengthen your marriage https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/4-ways-to-strengthen-your-marriage/ Mon, 06 Jan 2014 14:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/4-ways-to-strengthen-your-marriage/ Partners committed to their marriage set goals that last the duration of the marriage. "Until death do us part" is…

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1. Marriage is for life

We work hardest for the things we want. Many vows include "until death do us part." Right from the start, a long-term goal, "for life," has been set. This helps when you or your marriage is challenged. Because your marriage is for life, both partners, and the marriage, gain the strength needed to ride the bumps to reach your happily ever after.

I remember the first time I thought about, and relied on, my marriage goals. I was unexpectedly pregnant and had many questions.

What were we going to do? Not only was I pregnant, but I was pregnant with twins. We had three children and thought we were done. We didn't have any baby stuff left. My husband lost his job. I applied to work at an emergency clinic for animals, 11 p.m. - 7 a.m. would they still hire me?

I placed our ultrasound on my church leader's desk and told him, "Not only has God told us we aren't done having children he put two in there."

He laughed and asked about my husband's and my plans for a long marriage. We discussed how having this goal made it easier to get through life's challenges. Relying on my husband and our long-term marriage goal provided the stability we needed until the blessings kicked in.

I was hired and managed to work seven months, at which time I was put on bed rest. My husband DJ'd and taught automotive technology. Together, we earned enough to pay the insurance, rent and eat.

Friends and family provided all the baby needs and, about three months after the twin's births, my husband found a full-time job. He's been there ever since. The twins, born at 34 weeks, are now 15 years old. Looking back, after looking forward, I can see the leader was right. Our long-term marriage goals leveled the challenges and made us stronger than ever.

2. Include God in your marriage

Pray, worship and read the scriptures as a couple. Prayer as an individual, couple, family and for each other strengthens the bond between God, spouses, parents and children. When praying for each other, don't forget to express your love for them. My chest always warms when I thank God for my husband and our children.

The scriptures remind us Jesus showed his love through service. We should always be on the lookout for service opportunities, especially when rushed. Ask if there's something you can do. Service grows your love for those you serve and strengthens your marriage when you serve your spouse.

3. Accept differences of opinion

I've always looked at differences as a way to strengthen each of us. The world needs differences in order to appreciate all the good that exists and to accomplish the growth needed by each and every one of us. Marriage works even with differences. One does not always have to be right, but they do have to be loving to maintain harmony within a marriage and family. A loving couple respects their partner's differences and uses them to strengthen the marriage.

My love of animals and my husband's concern for mistreated, abandoned, lost animals has allowed us to adopt and rescue many throughout our marriage. Both our animal needs have been met. Together, we've been able to keep our passion within workable limits. And best of all, instead of compromise we communicate, respect each other's opinions and we don't tear each other down.

4. Continue to date

Do you remember dating? All the fun you had learning about each other, looking and acting your best? This shouldn't stop. At least once a week, usually Friday or Saturday, my husband and I spend date time together. We've seen so many marriages fall into a rut because he's doing something, she's doing something, but they're not doing it together.

Sure, I have my likes, he has his, and we have ours. At times, we still do separate things, but date night is our favorite activity. Many of our shared likes were developed on our date nights as we experienced each other's likes and discovered we liked them too, or at least, some part of them.

I love the outdoors, walking, hiking, four-wheeling and camping. He does too. In the beginning of our marriage, we didn't get to do these activities as often as we wanted. I hated getting ready, and his and my work schedules didn't allow for many outings.

Now we're out as often as the weekends allow. He gladly keeps the camping and hiking supplies ready, and I shop for our food and snack needs. Because of the eternal perspective, he didn't negate my love for the outdoors by criticizing my dislike for preparation. He gladly took on the responsibility. He likes to know everything is in its place, and all possible incidents are covered.

Marry for life and beyond. Love your spouse for whom they are and don't try to change them. You'll find your differences strengthen you, your marriage and your family bonds.Here are some more tips to strengthen your marriage.

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5 factors to a long-lasting, happy marriage https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-factors-to-a-long-lasting-happy-marriage/ Thu, 02 Jan 2014 14:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-factors-to-a-long-lasting-happy-marriage/ A happy, long-lasting marriage requires commitment.

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A long-lasting, happy marriage requires commitment from both partners. Many factors work together to strengthen the marriage and provide couples with the ability to weather life's trials. The following have played an important role in our successful marriage and family. Some came with the union, and some we've learned during our almost 30 years of marriage.

Religion and marriage

One of the first questions I asked my husband, when we were dating, was did he believe in Jesus. Both my husband and I were ready for marriage. After a year of dating, we decided to tie the knot despite concerns it wouldn't work because we belonged to different denominations. I regularly attended church, and he did not. Statistically, we shouldn't be happily married, but I knew he was the answer to my prayers, sent to me by God, and he knew I was the one for him.

Studies, like the 2001 study by Annette Mahoney et al., discovered what we learned; religion plays an important role in marriage commitment. Faith in God, Jesus Christ, your marriage and each other are valuable elements that strengthen the marriage and family through familiar values. Common religious beliefs provide the needed strength to get through life's trials and, as this study found, lowers the risk of divorce.

Brody, Stoneman, Flor, McCrary, 1994, and Mahoney et al., 1999, found religious couples used religious guidelines, communication and discussion skills to resolve their conflicts. They did this with the knowledge they wanted to remain in the marriage and, for some, the marriage was considered sacred.

Friendship and marriage

A close marital friendship is created by two people who care about each other such as couples who trust each other enough to share their deepest feelings without fear of judgment. Spouses that are friends follow the code of friendship and stick up for each other through thick and thin. They honor each other's opinions, and know they don't always have to be right. The bonds of friendship result in a happy marriage that protects them from outside influences.

Sharing and marriage

Share everything with your spouse: interests, activities, joy, pain, thoughts and feelings. My husband and I participated in different interests and activities prior to our marriage. When we shared these with each other, we found some that became ours. It's OK to do separate things like girls or guys nights out, just don't forget to have your nights out, too. Shared interests and activities are important for giving strength and longevity to your marriage.

Sharing creates a loving friendship based on familiarity with each other's likes, dislikes, fears and trusts. This helps the couple turn to each other during life's trials with a sustaining bond that helps keep the marriage on track.

Love and marriage

Love strengthens the marriage through satisfaction and grows best in an environment of constant appreciation and gratitude. I never tire of hearing my husband tell me he's glad he found me. When I think about him, I know he is and always has been the one for me. I can't imagine myself without him.

Don't underestimate the power of love to bind and strengthen a marriage and family. "I love you," hugs, kisses, a quick, "how are you doing," phone call in the middle of the day, and tokens of appreciation and gratitude increases the feelings of love to the recipient and by the giver. This, in turn, produces a higher level of happiness in the marriage.

Happiness and marriage

There are many benefits to marriage. Happiness is one of them, but a study done by "Grove, Style, and Hughes, 1990," determined marrying to receive the benefits of marriage, did not, necessarily, lead to that benefit.

Happiness in marriage comes about because couples enter marriage with the knowledge that, or learn after marriage, commitment is important to the relationship. I'm definitely happier now than at any time in our marriage because together, my husband and I learned what it takes to be truly happy. Check out "6 essential ingredients for a long, happy marriage" to learn more.

Commitment to these factors, your marriage and your spouse strengthens the marriage and the family against trials and provides a long, happy marriage. A marriage based on anything else: physical attraction, money, lust, or, as stated earlier, to reap the benefits of marriage, seldom remains intact.

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A Baker’s Dozen for your marriage https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/a-bakers-dozen-for-your-marriage/ Sun, 22 Dec 2013 00:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/a-bakers-dozen-for-your-marriage/ Who doesn't like the benefits of a Baker's Dozen? Here are 13 principles to strengthen a marriage, relationship and the…

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My grandparents ran a bakery in their basement. I loved visiting them and waking up to the smells of fresh bread, cookies and cakes. To this day, the best part of their fresh baked goods is the added bonus of a Baker's Dozen - the example of their love and respect for each other, and their almost 52 years of marriage until Grandpa's death.

Here's a Baker's Dozen to strengthen your marriage. These apply to both spouses and, if you have children, to all family members.

1. Think positive thoughts

Whenever I catch myself thinking negative thoughts about my husband, I remind myself why I married him. These points remind me to think positive, and positive thinking helps me feel closer to him. Negative thoughts changed to positive thoughts increase one's love for the person.

2. Verbally express appreciation

Along with positive thoughts, expression of those thoughts is important. Telling your spouse or family how much you appreciate them increases your love for them and strengthens your relationship. They are also more likely to express thanks for the things you do. Express appreciation daily.

3. Show love through service.

Stories and passages in the scriptures remind us that Jesus showed his love to his disciples and the people through service. Helping your spouse with chores or other needs through service increases your love for him, his love for you and strengthens your relationship. Do at least one act of service daily.

4. Pray for your partner

Show your love daily through hugs, kisses and prayers. Your love will be stronger, and you'll feel closer to your spouse and those you pray for.

5. Listen to your partner

Listen to, and share your feelings with your spouse. Remember to keep your comments positive and uplifting. Sharing is important. It prevents worry and assumptions that could damage instead of strengthen your relationship.

6. Spend time together

Whenever possible, help each other with chores and family routines. Don't sit back and assume it's not your responsibility or your job. You'll both appreciate the time spent together supporting one of the most important parts of your lives - your marriage and your family.

7. Understand and help

You may be tired, but so is your spouse. Give your spouse a break and take over. This follows along with service, and you'll find you're glad you did. You'll learn more about your spouse's responsibilities, trials and daily routine, and they'll appreciate your efforts.

Be available when you're called, or get back as soon as you can. Also, be sympathetic with your spouse's challenges. Sometimes all that is needed is a listening, understanding ear.

8. Extend courtesy

Show kindness, keep your temper and treat your spouse with kindness. Control your temper, thoughts and words. Often we extend greater care with a stranger than with those we love. To strengthen your marriage and relationship, show your loved ones the same courtesy you would a stranger.

9. Forgive your partner and yourself

Forgive your spouse. Forgive yourself. The lack of forgiveness makes it hard to love the unforgiven and weakens relationships. For more information about forgiveness read "Free at last: I forgive you."

10. Remember, you're partners

A marriage only works when each partner considers the other's point of view. I've found great wisdom in my husband's input as we've discussed marriage and family matters. Counsel as true partners.

11. Search, ponder and pray

Search the scriptures together. Ponder what you find together. Pray about the principles, doctrines and commandments together. Through your study, God will strengthen your marriage and in turn, your family.

12. Pray for needs

Prayer helps you get closer to, and keeps you close to God. According to the 2006 National Survey of Religion and Family Life by the National Center for Family and Marriage Research, prayer gives strength and satisfaction to your marriage.

13. Continue to date

Weekly dates are important, but don't plan dinner and/or a movie every week. Be creative. Some of our best dates took place on our porch, short walks in the neighborhood and with friends playing games at their dinner table.

This Baker's Dozen is more likely to keep smiles on your faces long past their use. Incorporating any or all of these principles will strengthen your marriage and your family. They sure have been a blessing in ours.

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