Every day we interact with people with a variety of personality issues. Sometimes we recognize these issues and put names to them: codependent, enmeshed, addicted, loner, and passive-aggressive. These behavior patterns are ones that we mostly know about and even how to deal with.

Another common behavior pattern I see is the people pleaser. They are often easy to spot in behavior but can be challenging to define with words. I can say for certain I am not a people pleaser. I know a few people pleasers, though. They seem to have several similar traits that make them easy to spot. Once you know what to look for, you can learn how to interact with them better.

1. New friends mean the world

These new friends don't know the people pleaser and, thus, can't judge them. It's easier to be nice to the people who don't know you well. The people pleaser (PP) works hard to let these new friends know that they are important, invite them to events and make them the center of attention. The new people feel really wanted. The down side is the moment other new people come on scene, the PP moves on.

2. Opinions of others are all important

Because the PP has difficulty in how they view themselves and how others view them, validation from others become all important. If someone challenges them, they will avoid this person at all costs or eliminate them from their circle of friends. Appearances are of utmost importance to the people pleaser. They need to make sure that they are doing the "cool" things. With the advent of social media, it is has become easier for the PP to keep up appearances.

3. Confrontation is avoided

No one likes confrontation, but a PP will lose sleep because of a potential confrontation. Because of the desire to appear cool or hip, they often maintain numerous shallow relationships. This is because deeper relationships take work and often include confrontations or critiques of behavior.

4. Time-management doesn't exist

A PP is constantly moving to avoid rest, which could then possibly lead to self-reflection. They will make commitments to others that they will consistently get out of or not keep. They look good because they agree to do something, and then come up with what seems to a perfectly legitimate excuse for why they can't keep the commitment.

5. Being nice is more important than being real

A PP gets stuck emotionally, because they are compelled to be nice instead of expressing how they really feel about things. If they were to express how they really feel, someone may not agree and it could lead to a confrontation. This would lead to a PP feeling overwhelmed, because somehow they are less of a person if someone were to think poorly of them.

6. Anxiety/discontentment

Due to the constant pressure to perform and keep up appearances, a PP often suffers from anxiety and discontentment. These mental health issues often go unrecognized and be seen by the PP as simply a fact of life. It can affect family relationships in a negative way if they don't get the right help.

If you run into this type of personality, know that they need your help and understanding. It will be difficult to help this person see that they need help. Yet, they need someone like you in their life. They need someone willing to accept their ways, while also being willing to make consistent attempts to help them see that there is another way to interact with people. It will be a challenge, but ultimately will be worth it.

_Editor's note: This article originally appeared on Dr. David Simonsen's blog, DavidSimonsen.net

It has been republished here with permission.

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We all run across people in our lives who focus more on negative things than positive. Sometimes these people are so toxic that it's best to avoid them.

I recently had a conversation with a family member where they pointed out three things I had done to hurt them. I let them know the reasons that these things happened, as well as made an attempt to make things right with them. Since I believed we were having a productive conversation, I pointed out some things that I had noticed as well. That's where the actual conversation ended.

What happened next was a bit shocking. Threats of ending the relationship ... accusations ... and assumptions and, most importantly, nothing to make the relationship better. I came away from the exchange realizing I needed to have a better plan for interacting with this person and people like them in the future. I had unwittingly fallen into a trap.

This type of behavior can be changed but only if the person wants to change. We will not be able to convince them that how they are acting is not the way to win friends. Knowing what to look for when you interact with this type of person is important. There are five things to pay attention to in order to know if this is someone who you need to be wary of.

1. They threaten

These threats don't take the form of anything physical. They take the form of cutting off relationships. If you don't do what this person wants or you don't interact with them in the correct way, they let you know that you are risking losing relationships over whatever it is you are talking about. In reality, they need you in their lives. Toxic people have few friends. After the incident that emotionally affected you, they generally will act like nothing has happened until the next incident you have with them.

2. They ignore

During your conversation with this person, you bring up valid issues that need to be dealt with. They simply don't acknowledge them and go back to their arguments. They will often also bring up issues from the past that have nothing to do with the present issue.

3. They assume

This shows up when they simply believe that no matter what you say you are wrong. They believe other people and not you. A simple explanation about why you did something doesn't suffice. Whatever you're talking about, you are not in the right.

4. They don't apologize

When you point out something they have done, they do not take ownership of it, nor will they apologize. You need to move forward. If you are waiting for an apology, then you will keep waiting. It will be smart to move forward without expecting an apology that will never come.

5. They prioritize their feelings over actual truth

The phrase you may hear over and over is, "That's how I feel," when you interact with a toxic person. There is the truth about the issue and then there is how one feels about the issue. Recognizing the truth of something is not as important to them as getting out how they feel.

What you will find as you begin to pay more attention to difficult relationships is that you most likely are in relationship with a toxic person. Knowing is half the battle.

Editor's note: This article originally appeared on David Simonsen's blog, www.DavidSimonsen.net. It has been republished here with permission.

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I was perusing through a blog the other day and came upon something interesting. This blogger was radically changing their family way of life because of all the bad things that had happened to them over the years.

When I say changing their life, I'm not simply talking about not hanging out with negative people or going on a diet. I mean radically. Selling almost everything they own and becoming nomads, travelers, adventurers. On the surface it seems like not a big deal. It almost seems exciting to "leave it all behind." If that's what they want to do, go for it.

Just like everyone else in the world, our choices have consequences. The choices they are making will have good and bad consequences. What caused me to pause about this blogger's life-change is what seemed to prompt it: a focus on the negative. It seemed there was a lack of focus on the probably many good things that have happened in their lives.

Most people, including myself, have had our own share of negative experiences in life, as well as positive, which most people have. What I see many people do is focus on the positive RATHER than the negative. Focusing on the positive has been what I've seen move people forward in a manner that most people strongly embrace.

When people focus on the negative, it usually doesn't propel them forward"¦ it keeps them stuck. In the instance above, I worry that this blogger will experience more of the same if they don't try to focus on the good things in life more.

There are two views I often bring up when I work with clients as a therapist. I ask the question "Are you a VICTIM or a STUDENT of your circumstances?"

Victims

These are characteristics that "victims" tend to exhibit:

• Think often about the injustice they experienced

• Blame others for the consequence of the choices they made

• Feel sorry for themselves

• Believe they are unique and no one else could understand

• Tend to be a bit more negative in their worldview

• Often don't listen to others

• Continue to repeat the mistakes of the past

Students

These are characteristics that "students" tend to exhibit:

• Learn from their choices

• Listen to others for new options to old problems

• Tend to be very intentional about choices they make

• Study what led them to a place so they don't go there again

• Sees things from a positive perspective

I obviously believe that being a student of life is better than being a victim. If you read through this and find that you may be more of a victim than a student, here are four ways you can change that feeling:

1. Gratefulness

You and I have so many things to be grateful for that we take for granted. I don't want to be silly, but having been overseas several times, I am thankful for many simple things: running water, large grocery stores, ease of communication, and services.

If you find yourself stuck as a victim, taking time out of your day to intentionally go through things that are good in your life is important. For example, look around you right now. I think you could find 5 things you can be grateful for right away.

2. Forgiveness

There may be a situation or people in your life that you believe have wronged you, and maybe they did. Yet, chances are they have moved on with their lives while you have stayed stuck with your bitterness, hurt or disappointment. It's time to move on and forgive them, EVEN IF, you think they don't deserve it.

3. Change your focus

Victims tend to focus on themselves and their own problems. Seeing the problems of people outside of yourself and helping them is a great way to change your perspective. You can also try to recognize that there are others who have it way worse than you. When you are not the center of your attention, it gets easier to be less of a victim

4. Don't run

This may seem counterintuitive. Victims want to protect themselves and not have to experience negative things. I am suggesting that these so called "negative things" are all learning opportunities waiting to happen.

If you simply don't learn and run, then you will continue to have a pattern in your life of focusing on negative things. Face the negative things with the help of friends, and then change how you respond to them.

Where ever you go, unless you deal with being a victim, you will continue to focus on the negative things. This will continue to make you stuck in your life, and you will continue to be unhappy. Create a new story by acknowledging the positive things in your life and forgiving those that you believe have hurt you along the way.

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This article is brought to you by Bloom, an online resource of support and education for women working to recover from betrayal and broken relationships. Get answers from experts, connect with women like you, and begin the healing process today. Click here to watch the video.

People step into a counselor's office for a variety of reasons. Perhaps a loved one passed and a person needs help with grieving process or a child has started causing issues in the family, and parents need some type of guidance.

However, marital issues are some of the more common reasons people reach out to a counselor.

Many therapists find that simply paying attention to certain signs can let them know a lot about the relationship they are trying to help out. You might not be a licensed therapist, but doing the same can clue you in on a secret or two.

Is there behavior you question, but you don't give it too much thought? If you've ever wondered what you should pay attention to in your relationship, here are 7 behaviors that deserve your attention. These could be signs that your significant other is in another relationship he isn't telling you about.

He keeps everything private

Online secrets

If you have been together for more than a year and social media or email are still things you aren't allowed to look at, that's something to worry about. It's not enough to simply say, "I need my privacy." This behavior signals a big trust issue in the relationship. Why doesn't he trust you to look at these accounts?

His phone is off limits

If you are out with your honey and he takes his phone with him everywhere and never lets you see it or ever use it, ask yourself why he's acting this way. Is he hiding something?

Taking private calls

Not every phone call has to be taken in secret. There are some phone calls that might be work-related and need quiet and privacy, but if he always leaves to take a call, that's not normal. Why does he need to have a private conversation with a so-called guy friend? Why is he having private conversations so early in the morning or so late at night?

Odd behavior

No consistent work schedule

There isn't a job that has a work schedule so inconsistent that he can't talk about it. If you ask about a schedule and he can't define set times and hours, this could be very concerning. If you don't even know where he works, this could also be a problem. He could be trying to balance time with someone else by being very vague about things with you. Giving you specific work schedules and locations puts him in a box he doesn't want to be in.

Old girlfriends

If you find that your significant other doesn't want to do away with pictures of and contact with former flames, that's a big red flag. No excuse validates the need to stay in touch with past relationships if you are happy in your current relationship.

He isolates you

Control

Does he try to keep you away from supportive people or speak poorly of your friends and family? If you don't have friends or family for support, it will be more difficult to confront the issue. He thinks you won't leave if you have nowhere to go for support.

He calls you crazy

When you suspect something is going on, your husband often will make an attempt to show how you are the crazy one for even thinking he is doing something inappropriate. You begin to question yourself, and if he's especially persuasive, you actually think he may be right.

If you have noticed some of these issues coming up consistently in your relationship, pay attention. It could be a sign there are secrets in your relationship he's trying to hide. If you find that you are in a relationship with a cheater, it's heartbreaking; the feelings can be overwhelming, but there is help and support for you.

In addition to your family and friends, Bloom provides an online support community you need. Bloom is a resource of support and education for women working to recover from betrayal and broken relationships. Get answers from experts, connect with women like you, and begin the healing process today. Click here to watch the video.

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When you get married, you are instantly propelled into a relationship that can sometimes be wonderful. But for many brides, it isn't. What is it? It's the mother-in-law relationship. People don't seem to understand why this relationship can be one of the most difficult relationships you will have in your married life. Like many things in life, the better informed you are, the better you can handle things. Here are some things you need to know about a mother-in-law.

He was hers, first

She raised that guy you're marrying. She changed his diapers, kissed his boo-boos and cleaned up his mess at night when he was sick. What have you done for him? She has done it all, and you are often seen as an interloper. You may even be seen as not having earned what her son is giving you. So when you treat him poorly in her eyes, she is not going to be happy with you. She will question what he sees in you and even ask him this directly. In turn, he foolishly relays this conversation to you and -it's game on. This is where many mother-in-law relationships start poorly.

She had dreams

When she was holding your guy in her arms, she had hopes and dreams for him. Even though he is grown up she still wants the best for him, and that may not include you. So she is struggling with how to let him be a grown man while also wanting him to possibly make different choices in his life. It's not a personal vendetta against you. It could be any woman that he chooses to involve in his life. When she talks about the former 'perfect' girlfriend, she doesn't realize that they broke up for a reason. In hindsight, she was the 'perfect' girlfriend for the mother-in-law just not for her son.

Fear

From the beginning, she was the one he would listen to. Now he is listening to you. There may be a loss of connection, which can be fearful to a mother. She doesn't know who you are or where you will move to. Will she get to have grandkids? Will they live near her? Will she always be in competition with the other grandparents? These are some fears that race through her mind, among others. Being able to control things in her favor is something she might do, which causes obvious problems.

Perhaps you, like numerous others, want a great relationship with your mother-in-law. It's not hard to do. It may take a bit of work and some self-reflection on what things matter to you in life. Here are some ideas on how to make it work.

Limit info

A strained relationship with in-laws is often created when too much information is shared about your relationship. This could be because of you or your spouse. When your MIL knows how much you make, how much you spend or what you constantly fight about, this could mean you are sharing too much information with them. The less they know the less they have to throw in your face. The more they know the more they will stay involved in your business. I have not met any couple that really values the in-laws knowing everything about them and their relationship.

Be respectful

Hopefully, your parents taught you at a young age to be respectful. They also should have taught you the importance of being respectful to potential in-laws. Now, here is a small hint. They don't need to be respectful for you to be respectful back. I often hear a dumb phrase, "I only respect people who respect me." People that believe this tend to have poor relationships in general. My STRONG suggestion to you is that you be respectful to your in-laws for two reasons. First, your spouse will love you for it. Second, it's the right thing to do.

Bite your tongue

There are going to be times in your relationship with your in-laws that you will feel justified to say something that makes perfect sense about an issue. You may even want to say, "I told you so." Let me strongly suggest you build up the scar tissue on your tongue by biting it. Your goal in your relationship with your husband is to do things to strengthen that relationship. Sometimes that may mean just being quiet even when everything inside wants to scream out. Obviously this doesn't apply to dangerous and inappropriate behavior you don't agree with. However, it does apply to interior design choices, politics or the best way to camp.

What you will discover is that the issues your mother-in-law has with you aren't about you. It is more about the relationship with her son transitioning from her to you. As difficult as it is for you, remember it can be just as difficult for her.

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When relationships are going well, it can be hard to pay attention to things that may cause challenges in our lives. Others sometimes see these challenges but are often afraid to point them out for fear of offending or being told they are judgmental. As I have worked with couples, I have found several areas to pay attention to in order to make certain your relationship is as strong as it can be.

1.Time

Kids involved in on sports Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and every other Saturday. Mom and dad working late in the evening and then going to the gym when they can fit it in. This busyness kills relationships. Give up some things to make time for the important people in your life. You will never regret making relationships better;what you will regret is not making more time for loved ones.

2.Money

Going into debt over frivolous things, not agreeing on where to spend money, and having separate accounts are the kinds of things that will lead to tension in relationships. This tension, over long periods of time, fractures relationships. The solution is to come to agreements on how you and your spouse will spend your money and how you will save. Teach your children how to manage finances. This will give them strengths to use in their own future relationships.

3.Family

Many times couples tend to not really know how to break away from their family of origin. This can lead to some unforeseen problems. If you consistently place priority on your parents, siblings and other extended family members, you are sure to doom your marriage. You need to place importance on the relationship that is right there next to you.

4. Being self-centered

One of the bigger adjustments in a marriage is sharing things. If you can't share or you find it very difficult to share, you need to quickly figure out how to.The sooner you can treat your spouse like you want to be treated, the less likely it will be that your marriage ends in divorce. When you make your relationships all about you, it makes everyone else miserable. No one wants to be around a self-centered person- including your children.They want to be cared for, they don't want to care for you.

5. Intimacy

If you're not doing it, you'd better get started. The less passion there is in your marriage, the more likely it is that your relationship will end. If there are barriers in your way, handle them. Don't simply refuse to be intimate. It is a marriage killer.

6. Kids

People usually get married and 'surprise surprise', along come children. It's generally the natural way of things. What is not natural, but often happens is that parents often forget one another and fully invest themselves in their children's lives. They get so hyper-focused on their children they often forget what brought them together. When they forget, they grow apart. Before child-focused parents realize it they have nothing in common and find it difficult to even spend time together.

7. Addiction

You may be in relationship with a man or woman who taks risks to use mind altering substances. These people often don't want to deal with reality and they turn to substances. They lie, steal and blame to get what they want. They focus more on drugs and alcohol than the relationship they are in.

8. Abuse

It often starts off as a small thing like your significant other not wanting you to hang out with your friends. It becomes bigger and bigger, and starts to look like control. It then becomes something altogether unexpected"¦physical abuse. By the time it turns violent, people often feel stuck and lost. When they are finally able to find themselves, they realize this is not a relationship they want to be in. There is often so much hurt and violence that has taken place a victim has no desire to stay or even work on a relationship.

9. Different paths

The longer a couple is married chances increase that there are that different interests can can pull couples away from each other. Perhaps your husband is becoming more and more interested in a biking club he just joined. Maybe your wife is into running and is focusing a lot her time in prepping for a marathon. These things are going to slowly draw you apart if you keep your focus on them and don't make time for one another. If you don't, your marriage will suffer.

10. Friends

There are times that couples get so focused on activities with friends that they forget they need to make time for themselves. Hanging with people is fun, but it should be secondary to hanging with your significant other.

Staying in a marriage is important, but it can also be challenging. When you are able to stay focused on your marriage, rather than the multitude of other things that could trip you up, you are more likely to stay connected and grow deeper in your relationship.

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An old friend, whose now more of an acquaintance, asked me once, "You wouldn't really want to raise your daughter all over again, right? I mean, you say you would but is that real? Look at all the things you have gone through. It's almost like you have to say that."

I appreciated his candor because it helped me realize three things. It allowed me to see he has really never had pain in his life in regards to a child, that I would do it all over again, and that asking "would you do it all over again?" is a selfish way to view things.

We (more so my wife), went through a pretty normal pregnancy. It was the day of the birth that things became a challenge. Our daughter was diagnosed with Down Syndrome. This wasn't the challenge per se while a surprise and an unknown, this in itself didn't really challenge us. It was the all the medical issues that often come with the Down syndrome diagnosis. There were several: Laryngomalacia, Hypotonia, ASD, Micro Aspiration, Infantile Spasms.

In the first few months of her life, these issues put our daughter in the hospital for over a month. When she turned two, she was diagnosed with AML and ended up going on ECMO because of an infection she received during her chemo treatment. It was during this time we came close to losing her.

I share none of this for pity or to be prideful. I share it to let you know we have experienced pain and challenges with our daughter, yet we would do it all again.

You see, while we cried, fretted and worried, she smiled, laughed and played. She experienced all this pain while we were only bystanders. There were so many times we wanted to change places with her, but we couldn't. We could only watch her suffer through these many things. Sure, we could rock her to sleep, sing songs to her, but we had to stand by as she went through it all.

The question is not would I have my child again. Of course, I would. The question should be would I change all the things that have happened to her.

Would I change that? Yes. I would never want any child to go through what she went through. Would I want a parent to go through what my wife and I have gone through? Possibly.

As we stood by our daughter, we shared an experience that one doesn't often go through. This experience brought us closer together as a couple. It didn't matter that we were tired or frustrated about something; we were focused on a helpless child who needed us advocating for her. Out of love for another, my selfishness needed to be put aside. More than anything else in my life, I think this changed me for the better.

This type of experience isn't for everyone. Sometimes people aren't ready to give up their selfishness. When they aren't ready, broken relationships often happen.

12 ways to be the meanest mom in the world

Even as I write this, I realize the conundrum. I don't want a child to go through this, but I wouldn't change the way I have changed as a result of my child having gone through this, and I value that change. Maybe a few lessons can be learned through being a bystander to your child's pain.

1. It's not about you; it's about them

Your kid is hurting, so don't be selfish about things. The sooner you can think about them more than yourself, the better.

2. Learn from the experience

This is an opportunity to find out who your are under pressure. Do you like what you find? If not, change it.

3. It's OK to cry

Weaklings aren't the only ones who cry. It's natural and expected when someone you love is in pain.

4. Don't be bitter

It will be easy to resent people who say they support you, but then never lift a finger of support.

5. Most people won't understand how you have changed

This event happened to you and nobody else. Your life changed, but theirs stayed the same. It's OK to tell your friend this because it will help them understand you better.

While experiencing each of these steps, remember to recognize the value of the process amid the pain. Within that experience lies growth and strength not just for your courageous child, but for you. Those lessons will sustain you as you provide strength and support to those you love.

The post 5 things to remember when you experience life’s pain as a parent appeared first on FamilyToday.

Every year, there are thousands of men all over the world who cheat on their wives, girlfriends and fiancées. Thousands of dollars are spent on divorces and countless therapy sessions. People caught in the hurt of betrayal often ask the question, why? I have found that when a man cheats, there are often several things that lead to it.

Character

Perhaps you are married to someone who, at the core, doesn't have the ability to be faithful to you. People like this tell themselves they want to be, but when the opportunity arises, they inevitably start an inappropriate relationship that leads to an affair.

Fear of Intimacy

This is often used as a catchall cliché when someone gets uncomfortable with connecting with another person. When someone has multiple affairs, it is often a sign that while comfortable with the sexual relationship they are not comfortable with what usually comes along with a more committed relationship. Things like sharing life experiences, listening when someone is hurt and parenting together. These are things that create intimacy and perhaps your partner has no ability to join in on those type of things.

Discontent

Pop culture is always talking about the next best thing, the newest trend, the hottest celebrity, and how you are missing out if you aren't doing this thing or that thing. Unfortunately, this tempts some people to do things they normally wouldn't. These men may think "My sex life is boring. I need to spice it up." When their significant other isn't interested in the spice, it can lead to discontentment. This is unfortunate because relationships aren't simply about sex. It is a big part of the relationship, but not the only part.

Controlled

Let's be honest, women. Sometimes you control your partner. This control does not bode well for your relationship. The sooner you loosen the grip, the sooner your relationship will be so much better. When men feel or believe they are being controlled, they will sometimes react to it. They will find ways to get some control in their own lives that you may not end up being aware of until it's too late.

Escape

Many times men may feel caught in a rut. This rut leads them to believe the grass is greener somewhere else. While this may be similar to discontent, it is different in that this is more fueled by the routine of life. Getting up with kids, taking kids to events, going to work 9 to 5. Couples with this dilemma often start with saying we don't have anything in common anymore.

Addiction

You may be in relationship with a man who is willing to take risks that typical people wouldn't take - all to satisfy a sexual need. These men usually need more help than simple counseling. They seek out prostitutes and strip clubs - all to get one's needs met. One of the bigger things a man values is emotional connectedness. It is a mistake to simply think men cheat for sex, and they don't care about being connected. They often cheat because they don't feel an emotional connection with their woman. When this connection is missing, it's only a matter of time before some type of cheating takes place.

Respect

Men highly value respect. When the woman they are in a relationship with doesn't show respect toward her man, he will find someone that does. This respect can be shown in simple ways. Do you let your man know you value what he does for you? Do you let him know he is important to you? It is no wonder many affairs begin in the workplace. This is a place where your man is often given respect by women. These types of respect-driven relationships lead to more conversations, more involvement that doesn't need to happen and then ultimately to an affair. There are often many things that can lead to an affair. The key is to make sure you are doing everything in your power to pay attention to things that can lead down that path. It is very rare an affair happens as a one night stand. Most cheating relationships begin with a conversation fueled by starving relationships at home.

We put a lot of time and effort into maintaining relationships with those we love. And by knowing the warning signs of a partner's wandering eye, we can address the root of the problem and correct it before any of these 9 signs of cheating become one of the nine reasons our relationship ended.

The post Does your man have a wandering eye? Here are 7 reasons why appeared first on FamilyToday.

In our "have it now" society, couples often think that living together or simply getting married is good enough to make it long-term. Here are six reasons why that's simply not the case.

What you learned in your family isn't good enough

I know, I know. You have the most amazing, supportive family. Not only did you always have peaceful family vacations, you always had dinner around the table. Despite all the perfection that surrounded you growing up, your amazing family didn't fully prepare you for the unique challenges that happen when you marry. You may end up marrying a person who didn't have a perfect childhood. You may end up marrying a person with unknown mental health issues. You may end up with another person who had a "perfect" upbringing - and you're definitely not prepared for what comes with that. Be open to learning something new.

You need to claim your baggage

Any leftover baggage you're carrying will deeply affect your current relationship. We all bring challenges to relationships, and figuring out what those challenges are is half the battle. The sooner you know what challenges you bring to the table in a relationship, the quicker you can move forward, getting the business of a good marriage accomplished.

You need to define your mission

Do you know what your marriage is going to be about? Will it be about serving your partner, making lots of money, raising well-behaved children? If you and your partner have agreed upon a common goal prior to marriage, then all future issues can be weighed against this mission. This mission will also change over time. It's a great idea to sit down every few years and go over you mission, changing it as necessary.

You must commit to commitment

This may seem like common sense, but many couples don't make the commitment to work on issues when life gets tough. Instead, they blame, seek other relationships, avoid conversations, etc. If your view from the start is one of unwavering commitment - even when things get bad - it's more likely divorce won't happen.

There are loose ends that need tying

I call this family logistics. Once you've covered all the bases mentioned here, start planning how many kids you want, where you will spend the holidays, when will you buy a house, and so on (and so on).

It goes without saying that simply going into a marriage without planning is not a good idea. If you plan - literally - to have a great relationship, that's what you're most likely going to get!

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I will tell you right now, if you are dating one, you should stop immediately (unless you don't mind a third party in the relationship). If you knowingly choose to go into a relationship with a mama's boy, you must be prepared for the consequences.

In case you aren't entirely sure if your boyfriend is a mama's boy or not, here are five unmistakable signs that will dispel all doubt:

1. He shows his mother more affection

Affection is an essential part of a great relationship, but if you notice your boyfriend is overly touchy with his mother, that might be a problem. If his affection is mostly directed toward his mom, and not toward you, then there is a good chance you are dating a mama's boy.

2. He doesn't listen to your advice

You are a competent, accomplished adult, and you probably have some wisdom about some things. Yet, when you give this advice to your significant other, he tends to tune you out. However, if his mom speaks the info, it is something that is often taken as sacred truth.

3. He picks sides

Usually, he is pretty good at supporting you when you need it. When it comes to something that contradicts mommy, he gets wobbly-kneed. He is unable to stand up to his mother. When you need to be supported, he will consistently let you down.

4. Your love life becomes his mother's focus

If your boyfriend's mom is constantly giving you tips on how to treat her son or comparing you to past girlfriends - GET OUT! That means your mama's boy is talking too much about your relationship with her. That information needs to stay between the two of you.

5. Changing for the wrong reasons

We all have our little idiosyncrasies, and we should be willing to change because we want to improve ourselves and relationships. However, when your significant other asks you to change because it would please his mother, that is a huge red flag.

So what should you do if you find yourself dating a mama's boy?

Make sure you pay close attention to his behavior and how it affects your relationship. Don't simply overlook these things and expect that they will change when you get married (they won't).

All is not lost - don't give up.

Let him know that you need things to change. A mama's boy can change if they make the choice to. Focus on letting him know how his actions make you feel, instead of pointing your finger directly at his mom. If things aren't different within a certain time frame, then you will need to move on.

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