Goals are set with an intent to achieve in mind, not with the intent to partially accomplish. What happens? How can you stay motivated to accomplish the goals you have set?

With these 8 suggestions, keep a goal in mind that your family has set out to accomplish and find yourselves lacking the motivation to keep moving forward. I will refer to two goals that tend to be common goals within families - spending more time together and completing household chores. These tips are not just applicable to this two goals but can be applied to any you may have!

1. Remember why you made the goal. When a goal is created it is because we want something to change in our lives. For example, when chore charts are made, the desired outcome is a cleaner home where everyone is involved in the results and responsibility is being taught. Families may set goals to spend more time together to strengthen their relationships. Why did you make the goal in the first place?

2. Look at the success you have made so far. Every little hurdle you have had to overcome to accomplish the goal are great successes and proof that you can accomplish this goal. Goals do not accomplish themselves, you have had to put effort in no matter how far you have come. Perhaps your family is taking a walk together every two weeks whereas prior to the goal this was unheard of. Maybe chores are getting done once a week compared to not at all in the past. Way to go! These things didn't happen, you made an effort in your lifestyle to make that happen! You have been able to make it happen.

3. As stated in the second tip, each goal has small steps. If keeping the end result in mind is overwhelming, focus on the smaller steps. Focus on what you can do here and now and know that goals take time. If your goal is to have more family time, focus on what you can do this week to make it happen. Be happy with each of those steps as you accomplish them, as they are the ones that are taking you closer and closer to the finished product.

4. Have a support team. Believe it or not, you are not the only one out there that is striving for the same goal. And they, too, are struggling with staying motivated. Support teams help you remember why you made the goal, the successes you have made and the successes you can still make. Another advantage of being part of a support team is that they may be able to direct you to helpful information.

5. No excuses! Make your goal a priority. By putting your goal as a priority you are more likely to reach your goal. Instead of going to a movie with a friend, invite a family member, first. Before other events occur, ensure that chores are done first.

6. Reward yourself periodically. This reward can be something as little as taking a day off where the family goes on a day-cation or going to a favorite restaurant.

7. Next, remember to be patient with each other. Don't punish each other because the goal has not been reached. Remember nothing amazing was ever made in a day. The best things took time to make and be accomplished. All worthwhile goals take time. You are able to do anything you put your mind to. Don't believe me? You are able to read this, or at least listen to it and understand it, you were the one that put the work into learning to read and accomplished it. You were the one that put the work into understanding spoken language and accomplished it. Just as a light comes on by turning on a light switch so do so many of the goals you have accomplished and let become second nature to you.

8. For this last step, I want to you to imagine yourself at the finish line of reaching your goal. How does it feel to have made it there? What does it taste like? What does it sound like? What does it look like? What does it smell like? When you are feeling discouraged or starting to put the goal on the back burner, use this last step to kindle the fire of motivation.

You can do it. Each of the tips mentioned above can act as kindle on a fire to help keep your goals alive and burning. As you take these steps into consideration, it is my hope that you will find the motivation to reach your goals and be happy and successful in your families.

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Reasons Battles are Fought

Battles fought between a child and parent are often due to two reasons. One, is power and control. This is true for most battles. Parents often make threats in order to win the battle. Some of these threats are unrealistic (i.e. if you don't pick your wet swimsuit up off the floor then you will never go swimming, again). Children talk back or become defiant in these battles. Children want to have some independence, and it's healthy for them to learn independence within healthy guidelines. These guidelines allow them to feel secure and loved.

When flying a kite you allow it to soar, but at the same time you hold the string. By holding the string, you allow the kite to fly smoothly with guidance and security. If you let go of the string, the kite loses the strength it needs and thus flies uncontrollably until it crash lands. This is similar to parenthood. We need to allow our children to soar and fly, but guide their choices to prevent crashes.

The second reason is misunderstanding. For example, as your child is watching television and you tell him/her to turn it off and go get ready for bed, you suddenly find yourself dealing with a tantrum. Why? Children have difficulties finding words to express their emotions and thus will go straight into tantrum mode. In this situation, the television may have been turned off during the show, and this may be upsetting the child. Without listening to how the child felt we may assume that perhaps the child doesn't want to go to bed and is being defiant.

Reducing Battles

How do you reduce the amount and degree of battles you fight with your children? First, ask yourself "Is this a battle worth fighting?"�

Steven Wilson, a professor at Purdue University provided the following dialogue as a guide, "Don't simply fight the ones that you can win, just fight the ones that actually matter,"� and, "Choosing not to fight the battles that are not important will up your chances of winning the ones that are important."�

One way to eliminate, or reduce, battles is to give choices. For example:

Parent: Johnny, it's time to get ready for bed. Would you like to watch TV for 5 more minutes then get ready or turn it off now and go get ready?

Johnny: Five more minutes.

Five minutes later

Parent: Johnny, five minutes is up would you like to turn off the TV yourself or have me turn it off?

Johnny turns the TV off

Parents: OK, Johnny, would you like to put your pajamas on or go brush your teeth?

This dialogue continues until lights are turned off, and Johnny is in bed.

What if your child says "none"�? Then, you let him know that the third choice is that you choose for him. Before using this third choice, ask him, "Would you like me to choose for you or would you like to choose?"� The child then may make a choice or continue to say, "None,"� which means you choose for him.

The second way to reduce battles is to determine whether or not it is a battle worth fighting. To determine this, ask yourself these questions:
Am I just nit-picking?
Is this a situation in which the child is hurting herself or others?
* Will correcting this situation really matter in the long run?

Here are a few examples.

You have just made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. Your child states that she does not want to eat the spaghetti, just the meatballs. Do you really need to fight this battle? No. At least your child is agreeing to eat something that was made for dinner.

Your child is chasing the neighbor kids with a stick. Is this a battle worth fighting? Definitely.

Your child has chosen to wear their pajamas backwards for the night. Is this a battle worth fighting? No. It will not harm him or anyone else in any way. Neither will it matter in the long run.

Those are just a few examples of times that it would be necessary to fight a battle and when it would not be necessary.

By choosing which battles to fight we are allowing our children to enjoy their relationship with their caregivers, and vice versa. Parenting will be less of an energy strain. By giving choices and reducing the amount of battles fought, it allows the child to feel that you trust that they are capable of making good choices, improves their self-esteem, allows them to have the independence they need and reduces power and control in the relationship.

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Since I was a little girl my desire was to have children. I understood the steps that would get me to that goal, but it was not until after becoming a mother that I learned that there was more to it than bringing a child into the home.

After bringing home my first child, I learned to juggle my time. I had to give up some leisure activities in order to make sure everyone's - especially my child's - needs were being met. As my husband and I brought home more and more children (four total to be exact), the juggling act became more challenging and it was hard to find any time for the leisure activities I previously enjoyed.

Seth Adam Smith wrote an article titled, Marriage Isn't For You. He talked about not being selfish in your marriage, rather focusing on ensuring the happiness of your spouse. How true that is in parenting also! Reflecting on the day-to-day life of a parent, it is constantly filled with thoughts and actions for one's partner and kids.

The sacrifices we give

The Cambridge Dictionary (2013) defines sacrifice as, "To give up something that is valuable to you in order to help another person."� Dishes and clothes are washed, meals are made and bills are paid for everyone's comfort. Children are taken to school and parents help the children with their homework afterwards. What do parents do for themselves? They take a few minutes to shower and get rested up to prepare for the cycle to start again.

As a parent every moment is focused on the child as you ensure that his needs are being met. Money tends to focus more on the child and what he needs rather than what you want, the daily scheduled is centered around the child and ensuring he is cared for and extra time is spent on activities the child would enjoy.

The lessons we gain

Parenthood is not just about what we do for our children but what we teach them. Parenting does not allow for selfishness but rather allows one to learn to be unselfish and learn a deeper sense of love and parents give their time and money to sacrifice for the children in their home.

The sacrifices we are to give our children, in order to ensure their physical and emotional well-being, vary from person to person as well as situation to situation. For example, one who has a physically ill, or disabled, child is required to sacrifice more than a parent who has healthy children.

Parenting is not just about giving up our money, time, etc. for our children, it is also about seeing that they are happy, learn the values that we teach them and are successful - not just career wise but in several areas in their lives.

The more you sacrifice, the happier you feel as a deeper sense of love is felt inside of you. A love that only parenthood can teach you. Parenthood is a sacrifice that is well worth it.

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