At the time we knew each other she had been married several years with three children. Even though I did not know everything about her religion, I did know that nuns do not marry so I asked her something that hinged around an issue I had been struggling with myself.

"If God knew that you were just going to leave the convent, stop being a nun and get married why do you think He was so concerned about which order you joined? In the long run you were just going to leave the convent anyway."�

"Because it was a contemplative order,"� she replied.

"A what order?"� I asked.

"A contemplative order. It means we spent a lot of time in prayer and meditation. It was there that I learned how to recognize the voice of the Lord."�

It did matter to God which order she joined. She was led to an environment that encouraged and fostered a deeper and more divine relationship with her Heavenly Father.

Find time each day for meditation

We don't need to enter a monastery or convent in order to engage in a deeper spiritual practice. We don't need to take a vow of poverty or shut ourselves away for 40 days and nights. We should be seeking, however, to enhance our own divine intimacy and in order to achieve that we need to spend quality time every day in quiet reflection and pondering. With a growing family this may require some creativity. Set the alarm clock 30 minutes earlier. Take advantage of children's naptime or find a solitary nook at lunch.

Contemplation involves patience. Even small children can be taught this concept with a set quiet time each day. It's a time to practice telling the body and mind to quiet down and invite the divine show up.

Turn off the phone and other electronics

Why is pondering so essential? Why can't inspiration be quick and easy? God will not compete with the noise and distractions of our modern world. When we are constantly on social media, listening to the radio or watching TV, it becomes more and more difficult for his voice to penetrate through all of the noise.

We cannot serve two masters. At least once a day our spirits need our bodies to take a break from the worldly master and feed our soul with intimate encounters with God, the master of our soul. Through praying, studying scripture and then pondering the meaning of what we have just read we create an environment for God to more easily talk to us - for him to deliver the message he has specifically for us. Silence is oxygen for the soul. We become better fathers, better mothers and better family members through hearing God's voice.

Do your homework

When we are seeking divine guidance, as with my friend who sincerely wanted to enter into the religious order God had planned for her, we must do more than simply mumble our needs and wants at the edge of our beds each night. When making a decision or seeking knowledge God expects us to do our homework first. Direction, guidance and spiritual messages come to us after prayerful preparation. Part of this preparation is deliberate pondering and contemplation through quieting our surroundings so that we can focus our mind on spiritual things.

What does God's message mean for me?

Perhaps the greatest example of this deep, prayerful thinking was shown by Mary, the mother of Jesus. In Luke 2:19 (KJV) it is recorded that after all she had witnessed - the visit from the angel Gabriel, bringing forth her firstborn son and Savior of the world and watching and listening as humble shepherds and wise Magi from foreign lands came to worship her newborn baby - Mary "kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart."� A self-proclaimed handmaid of the Lord, this obedient woman took these sacred events and meditated on what this central historical event meant for her as a mother, for her son and for the entire human race.

As we ponder we change; we have a greater strength to be obedient to our Heavenly Father and this obedience strengthens our families.

When pondering on a lesson, a scripture, a sermon or decision ask, "What does this mean to me? How can I apply this in my family life?"� Then, write down any thoughts, feelings, or impressions that come to you.

Pondering allows our souls to communicate with God, to receive his will for us, and to be able to open our spiritual eyes of understanding, allowing (and sometimes forcing) us to dig deeper into the very essence of who we are and who God wants us to become.

The post The importance of pondering appeared first on FamilyToday.

We live in a world where so many voices are vying for our attention. No matter where we are, there are voices around us demanding to be heard. But the truth is, we don't have to listen to them. If we listen with our heart, we can tune out all those worldly voices and tune in to the only voice that matters, God's voice.

Tuning your heart to God isn't as difficult as it seems. In music, to tune an instrument, a tuning fork is required that is tuned to the melody you want to sing. In a symphony, it is the job of the tuning fork to establish one note that everyone can tune to.

If life were a symphony, prayer would be the tuning fork and God's voice would be the note. Prayer tunes our heart to God and allows us to hear his voice and to sing his melody.

Prayer is not just a one way communication, but often we struggle to hear what God is saying. Here are seven steps we can take to make prayer a two-way communication with God.

These steps will allow us to tune our heart to hear His voice.

1. Begin with gratitude

Thank God for all the blessings he has given you. Thank him for his counsel and the opportunity to hear his voice. Thank Him for speaking to you, even before you hear his voice.

When you begin with a thankful heart, it shows God that you are grateful for the things he has already given you so that he will be willing to give you what you desire.

2. Show Humility

Be humble. Express to God that you know in your strength, you are weak, but in him, you can do all things.

Acknowledge his hand in your life and recognize to God that you would not be where you are without him. Humility brings strength and power because it shows God you are willing to rely on his power rather than your own strength.

3. Repent

Even though you may not have huge sins, ask God to forgive you of all those things that keep you from feeling him in your life.

Because we are mortal, we all have weaknesses that we must overcome before we are perfected and can live with him in heaven.

Repent daily. Even if you can't think of anything to repent of, repent anyway. We may not know all the diverse ways Satan has lied to us. Repentance is a beautiful gift Jesus gave us. Use it.

4. Dispel darkness

In the name of Jesus Christ, ask God if he will cast out all darkness that surrounds you. It is difficult to hear God's voice if you have Satan's voice speaking sweetly to you in the other ear.

If you want to make sure it's God's voice you're hearing, get rid of the other voices that are trying to fill your mind. It is only through invoking Christ's name that you have the power to dispel darkness.

5. Call down light

Ask God to fill your heart, your mind, and your home with his light. Ask for his angels to surround you and protect you.

Filling your home with light is easier than you may think. Play inspired music, music that praises God, before you begin your prayer. Read scriptures, or serve someone. Your home will have a greater measure of light as you actively seek goodness.

6. Stop and listen

When I come before God in prayer, I often come with a notebook and a pen so that I can write down the words and impressions that come to my mind when I stop and listen.

Sometimes, I will even address the page to myself, and write as if I am receiving a letter from God. You will be amazed at how easily the words flow, as God speaks to you.

7. Arise Early

If you truly want to hear God's voice, wake up early to pray, before the day is crowded with other voices.

It is while all the Earth slumbers, in the quiet still hours of the morning, that you will hear God's voice the clearest. As you are willing to sacrifice your own sleep to commune with God, you will be rewarded by hearing his voice.

God is our Father, and he longs to speak to his children. As we tune our hearts to his voice in prayer, he will come to us and speak peace to our soul.

Believe in God and believe in his desire to speak to you. Come before him in faith, nothing doubting, and the heavens will open before you. As you do these things, you will truly come to know the voice and mind of your Father in Heaven.

The post How to hear God’s voice appeared first on FamilyToday.

Recognize first that the only person you can change is yourself. With faith, effort and God's help anyone can experience a change of heart, attitude and even habits. The happiest marriages rely on three important principles: humility, repentance and forgiveness. Here are 10 suggestions on how to incorporate these principles into your marriage.

1. Keep God as number one

As both spouses strive to keep the commandments of God the two will grow closer together. Keeping him at the head of the marriage will help with maintaining the correct priorities in life.

2. Each spouse should regularly conduct honest self-examinations

We should all take a good look at ourselves and pay attention to flaws or other serious habits that may be harmful to our marriage relationship. You can always try asking your spouse for a short list of these flaws, but the odds are that he or she has already given a few not-so-subtle hints in the past. Listen with an honest and humble heart.

3. Promptly take what steps are needed to repent

Repentance is more than just deep sorrow or regret over something. It means to turn completely away from that which is harmful or bad and become dedicated to amending that flaw. Spouses who honestly strive to change will set a wonderful tone of restoration, harmony and peace in their relationships.

4. Commit to forgive

Your spouse may do things that are hurtful, but keep in mind the whole person, not just the hurtful action. Remember the personality traits you do like, admire and appreciate. Be sensitive and have compassion for your spouse. Understanding the reason behind a hurtful act is half the battle. Remember: forgiveness is not justifying or saying that an action was okay, it just signifies that the pain is no longer going to have control over you. You and your spouse will be better able to move forward with honest forgiveness.

5. Hold on to forgiveness

Do not be discouraged with emotional residue. A painful memory does not discount all of the hard work a spouse has put into forgiveness. Take a moment to review the forgiveness process again and remember not only why you forgave but also the peace you felt at the decision.

6. Trust God

It is because of Christ's sacrifice for us that forgiveness is possible. Trust that as we forgive God will somehow make things right. He will also give you strength when it seems impossible to forgive on your own.

7. Truly listen to understand and not as a way for vindication

A humble spouse recognizes that both points of view have value and that the marriage relationship is more important than being right.

8. Treat a spouse with meekness

Both husbands and wives have a duty to work toward a harmonious marriage. Don't speak to a spouse in a demeaning tone. Keep words soft in the relationship. Working on humility and meekness will allow trust and forgiveness to flourish.

9. Put your spouse first in every decision

Always keep in mind the consequences of every decision and action on a marriage. Spouses are partners and should treat each other as best friends. Discuss the big decisions and be open to counsel and consultation on even the smaller ones.

10. Seek to help and build each other up

Never, ever tear down a spouse no matter how angry or heated you may get. Build up your spouse's character and reputation when you talk about them to others. Never complain about your spouse to friends. If there is an issue with the relationship work with your spouse to mend it. If outside counsel is needed go to a spiritual advisor or professional counselor.

A good marriage doesn't just happen - it takes work. But any amount of time and effort in a relationship as important as the one with your spouse is more than worth it. Implementing these principles will help build a strong, satisfying marriage.

The post Gaining a happier marriage through humility and forgiveness appeared first on FamilyToday.

These words were found inscribed on the side of a stone castle in Scotland. What does this mean for spiritual women in a secular world? We live in a world that is continually becoming morally desensitized; where gender confusion is at a crescendo, and both the idea and role of womanhood is constantly bombarded with conflicting messages. What part does chastity or virtue play in womanhood?

Elaine Dalton, a former international religious leader of young women, asked the following: "What would the world be like if virtue - a pattern of thought and behavior based on high moral standards, including chastity - were reinstated in our society as a most highly prized value? If immorality, pornography, and abuse decreased would there be fewer broken marriages, broken lives, and broken hearts? Would media ennoble and enable rather than objectify and degrade God's precious daughters?"�

With the conflicting messages that society and media send, how can women and mothers come to understand their true identities in this confusing world? Here are 10 things to remember when making the decision to step out of the world and away from its conflicting messages:

1.

Remember that women are daughters of God

This is not just "feel good"� rhetoric spawned by the new age pop religion. The scriptures testify that both men and women are created in His image.

2.

God loves each of his daughters

Internalizing and remembering this will influence the way a woman will respond to others and affect the quality of her relationships. Recognizing that a woman is loved, not for what she does, but for who she is can have great enabling effects on her personality. A woman can then call upon inner strength and courage to meet life's demands, fight through distorted messages, and find freedom in the process.

3.

Not everyone's life goes exactly as planned. But that's OK

The daily contributions of women - in nurturing and caring for others - is often seen as mundane or even demeaning by the more secular groups of society. Few devout women will be recognized by the world. But it is usually the women (and more specifically mothers) who will most directly affect the lives of children and young women who look to them as examples of womanhood. Despite any setbacks or unexpected changes life brings it is vital we attend to what is most important and of what has divine value - both as men and women.

4.

Each daughter of God is unique and different

This "uniqueness"� is true in terms of circumstances, talents, experiences, life views, and potential contributions. Each part matters because women and girls matter.

5.

Prepare to stand as witnesses of God at all times, things, and places

Young women and young men need confidant and brave people who know who they are, who women really are, and are able to be mentors. Youth in every nation need women who exemplify virtuous womanhood.

6.

Focus on what part to "act well."�

Fathers and men should honor womanhood and seek to find out what their own divine role is in this life. Mothers and women should never sacrifice their sacred duties for fleeting moments of fame or fortune at the expense of their families. Both should honor chastity and never, ever abuse a spouse or children.

7.

Virtue is a strength and an asset

The power of virtue for daughters of God is often seen as an outdated and outmoded way of life and of thinking. But it is through honoring virtue that marriages and families succeed and flourish, hearts are healed, and precious daughters are ennobled and enabled rather than being objectified and degraded. Virtue is a choice and a strength.

8.

Women not only have the potential to be creators of life

but are also more often nurturers (of adults, as well as children), teachers, and indispensable companions to men. A woman's influence is paramount and far-reaching. Celebrate this gift and honor those who magnify it.

9.

Fathers and husbands must honor womanhood

All men should honor womanhood regardless of familial or societal roles, or what media and culture may insist to the contrary. How a father treats a daughter or son's mother will greatly influence and affect how a girl sees herself and how a boy will treat the women in his life, now and in the future.

10.

Return to virtue

It's never too late to make a stand, with words, actions, or example. Nothing has more value. "Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies."� (Proverbs 31:10)

Women have a divine role, but some may need help remembering their true identity. As literal daughters of a Heavenly Father they deserve to be treated with the utmost care, respect, and dignity. Treating women as such will empower not only the individual but society as a whole. Perhaps, as a result, men, women, and children will be able to recognize what is divine within them and act accordingly.

The post Understanding the divine role of women appeared first on FamilyToday.

So what about those women who don't have any children? Where do they fit into this day of Hallmark cards and macaroni art taped to the fridge?

Women are all mothers

Let's go back to the beginning; back to where it all began in the Garden of Eden in the account of the Creation. In Genesis 3:20, we read that both God and Adam called Eve "the mother of all living."� What is interesting to note is that to define her they each chose "mother"� before she ever bore a child. She was a mother without children. Women are all mothers, regardless of marital or parental status.

Celebrate Women's Day

Mother's Day may more accurately be described as Woman's Day with an emphasis on the spiritual trait of mothering all women have been given. A woman can be any kind of mother she chooses, along with when and where she and God see fit; in the home, her career, volunteer opportunities, in the family, or in the community. She can be a nursing mother, baking mother, coaching mother, listening mother, teaching mother, writing mother, editing mother, or a "buck up you're going to survive this just fine"� mother. Even with women who have children, no two are alike in how they choose to define their role. Some work full time away from their children, and some work overtime with their kids.

Mother's Day is when we honor those mothers and the influence they have in our lives. We honor those "who bore us and the mothers who bear with us."�

All women have the capacity to "mother."

In 1996, my parents were killed in a car accident. I had a young family, my youngest just over a year old. A few short years later, we lost both of my husband's parents. There were definitely times when I ached to call my mother and ask for advice or just hear her voice. The Lord, however, had not left me alone, nor left me comfortless. Throughout the years, there have been countless women of all ages and walks of life who have been sent by God to be my mother, from church members to wonderful neighbors.

One of my favorites was a widow I met in a writer's group in Houston, Texas. Appropriately her name was Lea Solomon. As I embarked on raising my first teenager (and didn't know if strychnine or suffocation would be a better method), I would call her on the telephone, and she would "talk me down from the ledge."� She was constantly soothing, comforting, and incredibly wise. I'll always remember her words: "There are just some things you can't go around, you just have to go through."� I think of them often when my knees start to shake at a particular burden I need to shoulder.

Never underestimate a woman's motherly influence

Many women - childless mothers included - do not see the results of what they do nor the influence they have on the people around them. As daughters of Eve, that influence is real. Mother's Day is a chance for all of us to say "thank you." Thank you for sharing a smile, for not letting us get away with less than our best work, for knowing when to rescue and knowing when to let us work it out on our own. Thank you for picking up the phone to call or answering a text, for the words that comfort or the words that we may not want, but need to hear. Thank you for being a sister, a mom, a friend, and a shoulder to cry on.

A wise woman once said, "Everything turns out OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not yet the end."� Women will be mothering in every stage and age of their lives to the very end and far beyond the reach of their own.

As women, we are ALL mothers. We are all embarked on a sacred and most trusted journey, a chance to live true to the endowment given to all of us by God. If we hold true and are righteous, our Heavenly Father has promised each of us with eternal increase of everything that would fill our hearts with joy.

The post 4 reminders for the childless mother appeared first on FamilyToday.

Effective communication is not as easy - or as straightforward - as it seems. Cultures, backgrounds, body language, and unspoken expectations contribute to the complexity of communication. The goal of any communication is understanding - of a person or a situation. However, in this day and age it seems we have anything but.

Non-verbal cues and communication

Most of any communication is filled with nonverbal cues - eye contact, facial expressions, touch, and even sounds of speech. Translating and using nonverbal cues have the potential to enhance and improve the quality of communication or it has the potential to tank the best of relationships. The only problem is that we are not necessarily born with the knowledge of how to decipher these cues.

Where's your sign?

Most ,if not all, of us didn't have the luxury of someone holding up a sign explaining nonverbal cues while growing up. Some were taught with a good butt kicking when we misunderstood or misused a cue. I think I was 12 when it clicked that not every joke told by an adult is equally received when shared by a child. When I told my mother that her pancakes were runny like snot I didn't hear any laughter; not even when I made the same scratchy, liquid sound of snorting mucus I had witnessed from my Uncle when he told the same joke earlier to a different audience. I had no trouble deciphering my mother's nonverbal cues that day.

Listening

What you say is not necessarily what they hear:

Take the time to listen not only to the words people use but also to what they are actually saying. Try clarifying the information you receive, minus the emotional stress you may be tempted to dive into, to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings. One way to do this is to be sure that you fully understand the correct meaning of words you - or someone else - is using.

When my daughter was 14 she attended a weeklong co-ed church retreat. Part of the fun of the week was having the boys - as gentlemen - escort the girls to various activities. When I asked if she had fun at the retreat my daughter dreamily replied, "I loved it! I especially loved being fondled over by the boys."� I almost spit my soda out across the room and was close to vowing to keep her locked in a tower until at least the age of 55 - minus the cute little animals for company. Luckily, I had my wits about me and deduced she was probably misusing a word.

"Sweetie, do you mean 'fawned' over?"

"Oh, yeah! Fawned over! It was so nice!"

Taking the time to really listen within the proper context and not just rephrasing (the Thesaurus has some humdinger synonyms for fondled) many misunderstandings can be avoided. By examining the context and environment my daughter was in - a CHURCH retreat - and using the logical side of my brain we were able to effectively understand each other. (It also prevented me from teaching some of my own nonverbal cues to a few naive and innocent young men ... )

Culture matters

Teenage girls are not the only ones who struggle with meaning. Who can forget the last presidential election when Mitt Romney became an Internet sensation with his "binders full of women"or the backlash from Barack Obama's "you didn't build that" comment. What the candidates meant was not only different from what they said, but also from what people understood or heard. The parties who mistook these phrases were missing context, a very important component of effective communication.

When Kentucky Fried Chicken first entered the Chinese market they soon realized that things really do get lost in translation. Their oft-used American slogan of "finger lickin' good," was translated into Chinese characters that meant "eat your fingers off." (Perhaps, of course, if the franchise owners were Mr. and Mrs. Donner... )

And what about Pepsi and the Chinese? The slogan "Pepsi brings you back to life," was literally translated as "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave." Uh, not a good idea. Some families may not be so thrilled to have Uncle Leroy back. (Unless this was a trial run for an Asian Walking Dead series and Uncle Leroy eats his family's fingers off. Just sayin' ...)

We don't always get things just right. Try thinking through things before you say them out loud. And even if what you are about to say seems a bit off it doesn't mean it can't leave your lips, it just means you need to be prepared to deal with the consequences. Just remember, it takes a lot of finesse to remove the bitter taste of foot from mouth.

The post Think before you speak: Avoiding communication disasters appeared first on FamilyToday.

Grief is a natural response to the pain of a loss. That loss may be due to the death of a loved one, divorce, or betrayal. Grief can also be experienced while processing the loss of a way of life or the idea of a future a person had expectations for. By its very nature grief is personal and differs from person to person as to its intensity, cause and timetable. There is certainly no right or wrong way to grieve nor is there a set time when it is finally over.

Symptoms

A person with grief may feel like they are going crazy, have deep and profound feelings of sadness, anxiety, or numbness. There may be a loss of interest in things they use to enjoy doing, as well as experiencing slowed thinking or forgetfulness.

Guilt and anger

is

the guilt may be from regrets or even from feelings of relief (such as when a person dies after a long illness). Anger may be directed at oneself, God, or at the person for abandoning you. Remember, anger is not right or wrong, good or bad - it just is.

Physical

could

will

sleeplessness, weight loss, pains in different areas of the body including the chest and abdomen, headaches, nausea, and crying. However, a lack of crying is not a signal that grief is not present. Each symptom is individualistic and a parameter for what could take place, not what will take place.

Suggestions on how to deal with grief and loss

Remember your physical health

Getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercise is crucial for dealing with the difficult days ahead. On those days when curling up in a fetal position may seem like all you want to do, try throwing on some sneakers and take a walk around the block or in the park. Take a kickboxing class. Try swimming. Physical exertion helps release intense emotions.

Journal

There is no right or wrong way to do this. If you are worried about revealing intense and angry emotions, thoughts, or feelings you are having even onto paper think of it as a black journal that you will give yourself permission to destroy later. No one needs to read it, not even you. But the very act of focusing and organizing the myriad of feelings enough to give them voice will aid immensely in the healing process.

Serve

Getting lost in service may help to bring meaning back into life where it may have been temporarily stripped due to the loss.

Give yourself permission to grieve

OK

It is OK to hurt, to cry, to be angry, or to not be consolable for a period of time. Grieving is hard work, pain is inevitable, and time is always necessary.

Take it one minute, one hour, and then one day at a time

Tell yourself, "I can do this!"� and that you can get through that particular moment in time. It does get easier.

Talk it out

- with someone who has been through something similar, with a best friend, a spiritual leader or mentor, or a mental health professional.

Join a support group

You don't have to go this alone. People sharing the same type of grief can buoy each other up and give a different perspective.

Cleave to the spiritual

Loss can cause some people to question their previously held beliefs. If you are religious, turning to more meaningful conversations with God or a deeper study of scriptures can bring an immeasurable amount of comfort. It may not remove the pain or even lessen the grieving process, but it can bring a depth and strength to a person's spirituality as well as personality.

Avoid isolating oneself or abusing substances in an attempt to numb the pain

Pain from loss can be intense but it is doable; you will survive and, with time, that intensity will lessen. Attempting to avoid the pain will only delay the healing process.

Don't underestimate the power of humor

Laughter can be a very cathartic experience and humor, if handled properly, can assist with the grieving process. It is not a sign of disrespect for the memory of the loss but is a healthy way to deal with the intense feelings that arise when the world has been turned upside down.

Expect to work

through

The grieving process takes time, patience, and a lot of work. It cannot be skipped, ignored, run away from or shut out. Despite the temptation to avoid the messiness of grief now, that grief will eventually come out and will need to be dealt with at a later date - and it won't necessarily be any easier. Some things you can't go around, you just have to go through.

Postpone any major decisions for a year

Move your furniture, change your hair color, find a new gym, but avoid large life-changing decisions like moving to a new house or switching jobs. Avoid the strong temptation to throw or give away reminders of your loss - at least right away. Box things up if you need to and rent a storage unit for a year. Many regrets later down the road can be avoided by simply allowing for some space and time.

Loss is never easy and no one has the right to judge how it should or shouldn't be handled. It may feel like you will never be happy again, but over time life will return to what will feel like yournormal. Take a deep breath and go easy on yourself.

Author's note

Journey of Hearts offers a wealth of valuable information and additional resources at your fingertips.

The post How to cope with feelings of loss and grief appeared first on FamilyToday.

Identity theft is the unauthorized use or attempted use of credit cards, other accounts such as checking accounts, and the misuse of personal information - such as a Social Security number - to obtain new accounts or commit crimes. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) in the U.S. estimates that around 9 million Americans have their identity stolen each year, with government documents and benefits fraud as the most common reported identity theft, followed by credit card fraud.

A person may not ever find out they have been a victim until they notice charges on a credit card statement or are contacted by a debt collector. Identity theft has a potential loss of thousands of dollars and can cause thousands of hours of time just trying to repair the damage.

How is an identity stolen?

Dumpster diving

- thieves love to rummage through trash (yours or a business you have frequented) to obtain receipts or other personal information that has been discarded.

Phishing

- this is when a criminal pretends to be a legal institution and attempts to get personal information from you.

Changing your address

- the thief may remove mail from your mailbox outside of your home or your dumpster or send in a change of address form to the post office in an attempt to re-route your mail to another location.

Stealing your wallet or purse

- old fashioned but it works.

Signs of identity theft

According to the FTC's Consumer Information website, the following are some warning bells that you may have become a victim of identity theft:

• You stop getting bills or other mail.

• Merchants refuse your checks.

• You find unfamiliar accounts or charges on your credit report.

• Medical providers bill you for services you didn't use.

• Your health plan rejects a medical claim based on records that show you've reached your benefits limit or denies coverage based on a condition your medical records show you know you don't have.

Steps to prevent identity theft

• Keep an eye on all of your financial transactions and records including credit card statements. Look for charges that you did not make.

• Be cautious with email and embedded links. Never open an email or a link from someone you don't know or if it looks suspicious from someone you do know. Email accounts are hacked daily and malware is sent using your friends' accounts.

• Never click on a link from the body of an email from any institution, even if it is one you do regular business with. Open a new window and access the institution's website by typing the address directly.

• Shred all documents with personal or sensitive information on them - both paper and electronic.

• Keep your security software up to date and be aware of the latest scams and viruses. Keep family and friends up to date as well. Two good U.S. websites for this are USA.gov (consumer frauds and scams page) and fbi.gov (new E-scams and warnings page).

• Carry only essential documents with you.

• Avoid giving out personal information over the phone unless you initiated the call.

• Pick up new checks at the bank rather than having them sent via the mail.

• Use passwords with a mix of numbers and letters. Change them often especially if you have been traveling. Avoid accessing personal accounts, especially financial accounts, when traveling or in a public place such as an Internet café.

Get a free credit report

Any delinquent accounts are reported to your credit report. When identity thieves use your personal information to open an account and then not pay the bill, this shows up on the credit score, affecting your ability to get a job or loans.

In the U.S. there are three nationwide consumer reporting agencies - Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion. Through the Fair Credit Reporting Act (FCRA) each of these companies are required by law to provide consumers with a free copy of their credit report - at the consumer's request - once every 12 months. Financial advisors suggest staggering your credit reports among the three institutions during the 12 month period, thus keeping on top of any illegal activity of your credit every four months.

Rather than contacting these consumer reporting agencies individually, they have a central website to order a free report - annualcreditreport.com. This is the ONLY website that is authorized to fill orders for the free annual credit report you are entitled to under law. Any others indicating this may be fraudulent. You can also call 1-877-322-8228 or complete an Annual Credit Report Request Form, mailing it to: Annual Credit Report Request Service, P.O. Box 105281, Atlanta, GA 30348-5281.

The best deterrent to any theft is awareness of your surroundings, and caution with personal or financial information. Many identities are stolen each year but yours doesn't have to be one of them.

The post How to avoid identity theft appeared first on FamilyToday.

Many people believe the term white elephant to have come from Siam, referring to a rare albino elephant that only the emperor could own. If someone were unlucky enough to incur his displeasure the emperor would bestow a gift of this white elephant. (Not to be confused with a gift from the white elephant. A smelly reward indeed.) Because of the elephant's sacred nature the new owner would not be allowed to use it for work, thus quickly become ruined financially due to the upkeep of such an animal.

Hence, when we refer to white elephant gifts we are historically talking about gifts that are essentially useless in nature. These gifts do not have to be expensive. Many white elephant parties thrive on less costly but unusual gifts: a gift you received but don't want anymore, something very unusual or totally off the wall, strange clothing items (think of Ralphie and his pink bunny pajamas from A Christmas Story), or a themed gift, such as holiday ornaments.

Some people are not normally fans of the white elephant party. It's not the gifts that annoy, but rather the blatant thievery and ensuing stress that follow. Once a gift is opened and claimed it is difficult to not fall in love. (Some people just imprint easily.) Then there is the anxious waiting through the remaining time left, a forced smile pasted on the lips waiting and wondering if the woman you are seated next to - one with whom other guests have gone to church, volunteered with, had lunch with or worked with - will be the one that throws all sensible notions of propriety and etiquette out the window, ripping from the arms a newfound precious, thus turning a mild-mannered writer into a sniveling, one-haired, squinty-eyed mess that rivals Gollum in Lord of the Rings.

Setting personal emotions aside there is a way to have a successful white elephant party. Following are some basic rules for hosting your own:

1. Every participant is to bring a gift with a set monetary price ($5 is good for a youth group) or theme (Pirates, by the Sea, or Things we are allergic to - just some examples ...) Try wrapping the gift extravagantly so others can't guess what it is.

2. Every participant draws a piece of paper with a number on it.

3. The guest with number one chooses a gift and opens it.

4. Everyone ooos and ahhhs.

5.The guest with number two has the option of stealing the opened gift from guest number one or choosing another unwrapped gift. Hint: chanting "Steal! Steal! Steal!"� helps to get the spirit of any gift-giving celebration under way. Clarify that hair pulling of fellow guests should be avoided.

6. The game continues in similar fashion with the remaining guests choosing theft or unwrapping a mystery present.

A gift may be stolen only a pre-determined number of times depending on the whim or dark humor of the host. One time is politically correct, thrice is just plain gut wrenching. If a gift is stolen from a guest that victim - I mean participant - then has the choice of stealing a gift from another guest or opening a wrapped one. (Yes, this madness is considered fun in many seemingly well-cultured circles.)

The party continues until everyone has opened a gift, all gifts are safe from theft, and hairpieces have been discreetly put back into place. People shake hands and guests return home after being codified by their hostess (Oh! That gift is soooo you! Good choice!)

This is a great game for an office party, church group, family reunion, or a group of therapists with too much time on their hands. An even greater ending to this game is to secretly return a thief-begotten gift to its originally imprinted owner. (Smiles abound.) But whatever the occasion or theme be sure to enjoy your guests and let them know that they are more than a white elephant to you.

The post How to host a successful white elephant party appeared first on FamilyToday.

Best-Selling Author, Entrepreneur, Wealth Creator, and TV Commentator Robert Pagliarini said, "Instead of trying to bob and weave what life throws at us, I'd rather have the comfort of knowing that I can take life's best shot and be able to get back up and move forward. To me, that's empowerment."�

In an episode of Cartoon Network's "The Grim Adventures of Bill and Mandy," a grownup spider struggles with feelings of rejections by the father who "hatched" him - Billy. Fed up with trying to win his affection he finally snaps, corners him and yells, "Love me Dad! Looooove meeeee!"

While this is a comedic reaction to rejection it is also an accurate assessment of what many people experience emotionally. Although a normal part of a person's life, rejection can cause many people to feel stuck, confused, or feel the hurt deeper than normal. Some people do not feel empowered.

Think of it as being deferred

"No" usually just means "not now." It's all about the timing. Dream job rejection? Just not at that firm. Lost the love of your life? Not at this moment and not with that person. You are only being turned away by a person or entity, not by the ability to achieve something. Intimate love, family cohesiveness, and artistic acceptance can be found at another time and with another venue, which leads to:

It's not you, it's them - find your own people

Sometimes we will have problems with not fitting into certain groups. We won't fit in everywhere. We don't have to fit in everywhere. Maria Brophy, an art licensing and marketing consultant at MariaBrophy.com, wrote the following:

" ... our persona is not going to be a match with everyone. We have our people, and they love us. And the other people, well, they have their own thing that we just don't fit with. And that's OK. We all have to find the people that get us, that understand what we are doing, and that appreciate it."

After you find that you don't fit in somewhere, take some time to grieve if it is needed, then view it as an opportunity and go and find people that get you.

Be careful of how much power you are handing over

Do you let too much ride on a relationship or project that is getting rejected? Exactly who is rejecting you? It is probably one person, one individual, or one group. It's not the entire universe (as much as your emotions are screaming that it is). Thoughts are real but it doesn't mean they are true. Take a deep breath and do your best to separate thought, emotion, and logic. The quicker you allow facts and logical thinking to take control the less chance there is of spiraling into a depression and slipping into old patterns of not feeling "good enough."

Do I need help?

Rejection begins at a very young age so most people recognize the feelings immediately. Feeling low, gloomy, and despondent for a few days is normal. Depending on the nature of the rejection these sad feelings may last for a few weeks. Although there is no set time frame for when a person should be "bouncing back" C. Brendan Hallett of Salt Lake City's Center For Human Potential suggests answering some questions to determine if a person may need to seek professional help:

Do I feel badly or worse about myself after rejection for an extended period?

Do I feel less capable?

Do I like myself less?

Do I feel like I can't bounce back and try again?

Does the rejection get turned into lower self-esteem?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes it is a good idea to find a mental health care provider that you feel comfortable with to help you understand why you are feeling stuck.

It is important to be aware of your own programming

"It begins with self-efficacy - a belief in what you can or can't do," Hallett says. It begins in childhood when a person may not have had a supportive environment when he or she was experiencing the normal experiences of rejection.

"So as an adult when rejection comes they feel, 'Oh, here we go again' and the person feels powerless, it sets them back," Hallett continues. "For a person who was raised to feel supported, when life gives rejection - which happens all the time - they know how to better overcome it and approaches [rejection] as an opportunity."

Hallett stresses that somehow a person needs to internalize the idea that he or she matters, to somehow separate what happened - the rejection - from his or her capabilities.

"Try to avoid letting the rejection make you feel bad about yourself or that you can't do it," he advises. "It comes down to that internalization, whether you can deal with setbacks or whether you need a different approach."

Rejection is a normal - and necessary - part of a human being's life. It is normal to want to feel secure and rejection can leave a person feeling abandoned, frightened and insecure. But these feelings don't have to linger. Try to change the way you view rejection (seeking help if you need it) and recognize that it's only temporary. Avoid letting the rejection make you feel bad about yourself or that you can't do something. We can get back up and move forward. We can become empowered.

The post How to deal with rejection appeared first on FamilyToday.