In our society, everyone wants to be unique. However, in this highly competitive world, there are many people who can do the same things you do...meaning you don't really stand out. Don't expect to just show up and be noticed; here are seven purposeful ways to be unique in a world where no one seems special:

1. Experiences

Nothing can replace the knowledge we gain when we experience the world around us. As we live and experience different places and people, we see how others live and function. We start to realize how diverse life actually is. We also get to know ourselves and understand how we react to unfamiliar situations. These life lessons give us insight into what makes us happy, uncomfortable, angry or excited. You can apply these insights to new situations which will get you noticed.

2. Creativity

In a recent study, Adobe and Forrester Consultingfound that 82% of companies felt that there was a strong connection between creativity and business results. Companies like Google and In-n-Out Burger specifically keep their work environments fun and innovative to achieve a creative and productive environment. Creativity is so important because it encourages people to view problems from a different angle to find an effective solution. If we are all stuck in the same problem solving pattern, we may miss an efficient solution. Everyone thinks differently; stand out by letting your creativity thrive and not conforming to the crowd.

3. Being self-aware

Part of being self-aware is knowing what your weaknesses are. Researcher Ruth Helyerfound that as people consciously look back to understand the past, they learn from it. The more they reflect and process these events the more they can take from the experience. As we look back, we can analyze our actions (good and bad) and understand ourselves better.

4. Working hard

Being willing to work hard for your position is probably the most important of all these traits. If you are struggling, hard work will likely lead you to an answer. Stand out as dedicated and intelligent by methodically working on a task without giving up.

5. Being driven

Making a plan, staying focused on your goals and completing your project is an impressive trait. When someone is driven, they are personally motivated to stick to their guns and finish, even when things get hard. A driven person is good at motivating others and naturally find themselves in leadership roles. They always keep things moving which helps the team meet their goal.

6. Intuition

Go with your gut, not just your brain. Sometimes it's easy to ignore internal cues to go a certain direction. This mistake leads us to make the wrong choice, leaving us confused or frustrated. By tapping into our intuition, we can listen and recognize our emotions and urges behind decisions, leaving us happy with our choices.

7. Be you

People spend a lot of time just trying to fit in or be liked. But changing ourselves to fit in actually does not make us truly happy. Abigail Mengers from the University of Pennsylvania found that "humans have a desire to be authentic and doing so correlates with higher levels of life satisfaction and well-being." Bascially, when we act in a way that feels most 'like ourselves' we feel happier. Be both unique and happy by being yourself.

We may not be completely unique, but we can try to be the best person we can be. As we work hard and feel more content with our life, we will start to see success. Although we might not be completely special, we become very important to those around us.

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Faith is an interesting thing. For some it falls into organized religion, while others may find solace in personal enlightenment. One aspect that is common is that it can't be forced. It has to be true to the person. Whether your faith is unwavering or questionable, you may be unknowingly sabotaging your chances to feel connection and conviction. Here are seven simple ways that we unknowingly destroy our own faith.

1. Thinking the members equal the religion

When we clump people into generalized groups, we are being prejudice. Instead of trying to predict how people will be or act, go experience it yourself. Try your very best to go into the situation with an open heart. Even if someone is mean to you or dismisses you, continue to try and find someone you connect with. But always remember that your religious/faith/spiritual journey is yours alone.

2. Getting mad at your journey

Don't get me wrong - get mad. Get really mad if you need it. But then move forward and figure out what you can learn from your struggles. Life really is an open adventure. Even when we think we can predict what is going to happen, life has a way of throwing us a fast ball. So instead of resenting being part of a baseball game, embrace that you get to play.

3. Thinking faith is the same for everyone

Everyone seeks faith for different reasons. Everyone needs faith for different reasons. Sometimes we even need to stray a little bit to know where we stand with it. The biggest flaw in thinking we are all kindred spirits with faith is that it all comforts us in a different way. We can't really fully understand the path that leads each person to it, but we can embrace that person for who they are.

4. Judging others

The world is full of judgement. People don't need more judgement, they just need you to be there for them. Before you start thinking mean thoughts about others, realize that people are trying the very best they can and you have no idea the trials that they are enduring right now. This is called empathy. It will take you a long way when helping others and when you need help yourself. And as a side note, people tend to think most harshly about the characteristics they exhibit themselves. So be nice, because you are more like them than you think.

5. Failing to ask questions

If you are curious or if something doesn't make sense, ask. People are scared to ask questions, because they feel like they will look stupid or that they will appear undedicated. But it is absolutely the opposite. Asking questions is about educating yourself and understanding others around you. The more knowledge you have, the more stable you can be in your beliefs.

6. Not enjoying the pleasures of life

Life is beautiful, so go out and experience it for yourself. If we do not take the time to enjoy the little moments, we will start to get bitter with the world and view it as harsh and dangerous. In the therapy world we call this being mindful, and a great way to feel this is to check in with your body. Using your five senses, experience your world inside and out. Take time to appreciate the complexity of a rose, the beating of your heart or the wonderful diversity of people around you.

7. Not holding true to yourself

It shouldn't matter who you are with or what you are doing, you should be able to hold to your values. There are two facets that make this achievable. First, you need to know who you are and what your values are. This may seem like common sense, but if you haven't ever sat down and thought about these things, it is very difficult to hold to them when the pressure is on. Second, it is incredibly important that you find faith for yourself and not for others. When we do things for other people, our convictions break down very easily over time. So you need to figure out what rings true to you personally.

Trying to tackle all of these obstacles at once will seem like a mountain, so just focus on one at a time, and try to rotate through them. Note that you do not need to be perfect, it may even be part of your path to be imperfect. What is important is that we try our very best to be a little better each day and our faith will follow.

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Whether you had a happy childhood or an upsetting one, you are all capable of giving your children an enjoyable upbringing. Here are some of the basic points to remember as you stammer (like the rest of us) through parenthood.

1. Admit when you are wrong

Most of the time if we had a difficult childhood, we also did not have a healthy mentor to show us what to do when we are less than perfect. As a child, we might have learned survival techniques, such as hiding away or ignoring the fact that we screwed up. This is your time to take control and guide them in the right direction. This means that you are going to have to be strong and admit, even to your little ones, that you did something wrong.

The key here is to first admit what you did and discuss how you are going to remedy the situation. You also need to take the time to listen to their feelings about the situation and how they were affected. You need to do this no matter how small the incident. This makes sure that all parties are heard and it minimizes the likelihood for resentment.

2. Play mindfully

Play is one of the best tools to build attachment and trust. So the next time your child is playing, ask if you can play. As you start to play with them, let your mind be in the moment and remove all the adult worries. If thoughts of what to make for dinner or the grocery list come to mind, try to let them go and refocus yourself. Use your senses as you focus. Be aware of how the carpet feels under your fingers, how the car wheels sound on the hardwood, how there is a faint smell of cookies in the air or the details in the color of your child's eyes.

3. Love them unconditionally

This means that we love them for exactly what they are, in the moment we are in. Most parents have a deep connection with their children, but loving them for their faults can be a bit difficult at times. This can be a difficult skill for many people who had critical or conditional caring parents themselves.

The best way to be successful with this is to remind yourself (and them, if possible) during a trying time, how much you love them. It's easy to tell your kids how much you love them when they have straight As, win their basketball game or are playing nice with their cousins. The real challenge is taking the time to do this when they have used a sharpie on the refrigerator, are missing a bunch of assignments at school or are annoying their sister. Remember, we are not approving of their bad behaviors but rather acknowledging that their negative behaviors are just that - behaviors. We still love and care for the person they really are inside.

4. Set good boundaries & rules

Giving children and adults clear expectations can be one of the best anxiety reducers. There is a sense of predictability in the world around you when people are consistent, and this makes us secure in our environment. One of the perks to being a parent is having fun with them, but it is important to understand that they are still learning about the world, and you are their guide. When you boil this whole idea down, it is basically this: You are mentoring these young children to become functional adults. When life gets frustrating, remember the bottom line and set good boundaries.

5. Be active

You, as the parent, set the pace for your relationship. Be active in keeping the bond strong. Look for something you both enjoy. This is a way to connect with one another in a genuine way. Capitalize on your love of motorcycles, hiking or even cat videos. Take time each day to really listen to them and cultivate interests or goals. If you take the time to listen when conversation is light, they are more apt to come to you when they need advice or when they need to process strong emotions.

6. Get counseling

Children are a wonderful and beautiful experience, but they can also bring up triggers for trauma that we felt we had long taken care of. Merely the fact that they are getting older and hitting certain ages can be reminders of uncomfortable feelings we encountered during the same age. So do not be surprised when this happens. The best remedy for this occurrence is finding a reliable therapist you feel you can work with on these things as they come up. By seeking outside counseling, you can work on yourself and understand your current behaviors and feelings.

7. Know they will get hurt

At some point, no matter how well you protect them, they will get emotionally hurt. For those with upsetting childhoods, this can elicit a deeper response in which we feel that it will never repair. It can evoke feelings of hopelessness, despair and fear. When in all actuality, if they have a healthy stable home environment, they will be able to bounce back largely unscathed.

Keep in mind that just because you did not have a safety net when you were crashing and burning, it does not mean that they do not have one. You are that safety net for them. So maybe your caregivers never modeled the best protocol for the particular situation, but you get to try to model it for your children.

Even if you are stumbling through the entire interaction, you are there for them, and you are willing to listen. And that is the most important and rewarding part of being a parent.

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Even after three uncomfortable pregnancies myself, sometimes I forget what it is like to be pregnant and blurt out a pregnancy no-no. Upon discussion with some of the best past and current pregnant ladies I have met (special thank you to the Saratoga Springs Play Group), these common concerns were gathered and dissected. So here is the list to remind you what not to say to your pregnant friends:

1. Personal retrospect

"I loved being pregnant. I never had stretch marks/morning sickness/swelling."

Even if you look back fondly at your months of pregnancy, it is never a sunny walk in the park. But time gives us some distance and lets us forget the uncomfortableness. However, when your friend is in the thick of pregnancy she will know all too well how awkward it is. As you divulge your own personal pregnancy stories to your pregnant friend, it can do one of two different things: either make them feel even more miserable that they have a difficult pregnancy or make them feel like they are complaining. Either way, you want to avoid this and help them feel supported.

2. Failed empathy

"I feel pregnant too."

Oh do you? Do you have a small-being punching and kicking you from the inside? Does it push on your bladder making you pee randomly? No? Then you don't feel pregnant. Your heart might be in the right place with wanting to share the pain of their difficult state, but being pregnant is a uniquely uncomfortable experience.

3. Observations on their size

"You are huge! Are you sure you're not having twins?"

This one should be avoided at all costs. A woman's body goes through a major change with pregnancy and that can be distressing. It is a good idea to just leave the weight comments and instead tell her how beautiful she is as a pregnant lady.

4. Food comments

"Wow! Are you sure you want to eat all that? You really shouldn't eat...."

Pregnant ladies crave some interesting foods while pregnant so it is important to understand that if they are eating "a lot" or craving certain foods that it is usually the baby letting her know that she needs certain vitamins/minerals or simply more calories for growth. There are certain foods that pregnant women should avoid like raw foods or refrigerated meat, but this can be communicated in an educational kind manner that does not relate it to weight or overindulging.

5. Illusive freedom

"Enjoy your last few months of freedom. Get all the sleep you can!"

The last trimester of pregnancy is not like vacation or spring break. It is hard to sleep due to baby kicking, being too warm, having to go to the bathroom all the time and so on. So while you are not getting up every few hours to feed a baby yet, you are dealing with having a growing human in your body. Try to stay conscious of their needs near the end and help out as you can because it is no cake walk.

6. Time schedule for labor

"When are you going to go into labor?"

This comment is just a reminder of how much longer you have and that you have no control over it. This can cause serious anxiety in knowing that at any unknown time you could go into labor and have absolutely no say in the matter. Stories of women going into labor at dance recitals, rush hour or in jammed elevators will flood your friend's mind and only increase this out of control feeling. So instead talk with her about her anxieties and how you can help reduce them.

7. The age question

"Aren't you too old/young to have a baby? Was it even planned?"

This one is interesting because even strangers feel like they can ask this question. Most of these folks have no idea what your age is but feel it necessary to push their opinion/perspective. Whether you are older or younger there will be challenges to having a baby because simply having a baby causes challenges. So don't say this- and if you hear someone ask this, come to your friend's rescue and say- "She is the perfect age to have a baby!"

8. Family planning

"Is this your first baby? When are you going to have the second?"

Probably after they get the first baby out. But more importantly: did they forget to invite you to the family planning meeting? This is nobody's business but the people directly involved. I am very guilty of this one in that I want everyone to have lots of babies that can play with all my babies. But I only ask those who are close to me and would feel comfortable enough to ask if I have overstepped my bounds. This has been a good rule of thumb so far.

9. Horror stories

"What if your baby is deaf/blind/cleft palate/stillborn?"

Every baby book has a section on the horrible terrible things that can go wrong. This fills parents-to-be with nightmares and causes serious anxiety provoking thoughts. Only tread on this thin ice if you have hereditary information that will help the mother and father so they can bring it to their doctor for care. Never tell your friend about someone who miscarried around the same pregnancy week as them or a story you heard about a baby being born blind. Their doctor will be the one to discuss the specific risks and the best form of action. Your job is to support them no matter what the obstacles they face.

It is best to avoid all of the above topics unless your pregnant friend brings it up to you directly. Remember that they are in charge when it comes to their pregnancy and body. Plus, it wouldn't hurt if you rubbed their feet too.

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By the time I had discovered we were pregnant I had read at least a dozen baby books. I felt very prepared for the months ahead of me including signing my husband and me up for birthing classes. We had waited several years before getting pregnant and felt that it was time to grow our family.

These are 6 aspects that books, family or friends cannot really explain to you. You just have to experience them:

1. Baby does not fit into your existing life easy

When our first child was born, I assumed that we would be back to rock climbing and mountain biking in a few months or so. We had bought all the latest backpacks and baby care items so that we could pack her right into the canyons with us. We had determined that we would not be "those parents" that gave up our high paced life for childrearing. But we were wrong.

The second that little one entered the world, our life changed in so many ways. She became the most time consuming, wonderful activity we could have asked for. Instead of spending lots of time together as a couple scaling mountains, our life now revolved around playdates, snack time and reading bedtime stories.

Remedy:

Take the time to discuss what you would like your new life to look like. Do you want to be the boating family? Hiking and biking family? Music and art family? Sporting family? Or a good mixture of all of them?

This is a good discussion to have with your spouse because both of you will set the stage for your child's growth and security. Remember to set the pace to your little one. As she or he grows up, your activities will too.

2. High stress/ no sleep

I thought I had been tired before, but nothing could have prepared me for the sleep deprivation I was about to experience. Not only do you have a new baby with new caretaking responsibilities, but that small being also wakes up every few hours all night long. The stress of learning how to care for a baby, and the lack of sleep starts to wear on nerves. This can result in irritation and frustration within the marriage.

Remedy:

Saying "please" and "thank you" are usually forgotten at 3 am. Both partners need to make a conscience effort to bring back the kind words. The turning point for us after many tiring weeks with much tension was a simple, "thank you for getting the baby." After a while it just became habit and still continues today when the majority of our nights are diaper/feeding free.

3. You don't work on your relationship anymore

This one should be addressed as much as possible or at least remedied as soon as you both are able. With the busy changes going on in your home, it is easy to forget the original relationship of you and your spouse. Keep in mind that the health of the family is reflected within the foundation relationship, so if you two are struggling, they are too.

Remedy:

This is why it is so important to make time for your spouse and remember marriage is a relationship. This can be in the form of a 'date night' each week or even just a ten minute time period each day that you and your spouse can discuss enjoyable topics with minimal interruption (we usually wait until the kids go to bed).

4. Less sex

There is nothing that will squash a sexy mood like a crying baby. There are multiple contributors to this phenomenon but the good news is that it doesn't need to be forever.

First you are getting much less sleep with the combination of much more stress. This alone will mess with your sex drive and hormones. Second, for you ladies, your body has just gone through a trauma. I personally feel that childbirth is an amazing experience and makes you feel like a superhero, but your body takes a beating in the process. So know that you will need to get used to the new you after baby.

Remedy:

Be kind to yourselves and know that you will need to settle into the new routine of baby and recuperate from childbirth. Taking time to focus on your spouse and enjoying each other non-sexually is important to rekindling the bedroom magic. Remember there is no shame in discussing concerns with your doctor or seeking a therapist who specializes in sex therapy. You want to make sure that both parties are ready and feel comfortable with reuniting sexually.

5. You have no free time

Zero- I really mean no free time. Even if you have free time, it's not really free time because you have one child asking for a bowl of cereal and another trying to get into whatever activity you're engaged in. Or if, for some reason, you do find the time to get away from the kids, all you do is seem to think about the kids.

Remedy:

Find, organize, and beg for free time- it is necessary for a parent's sanity. When you do get that free time, make it count. Really be mindful of what you are doing and focus on who you are with. This time is to take care of you. You become a better parent and partner if you are able to function as a separate unit from the kids. Some personal free time activities could be shopping (for fun not grocery), getting a massage, or having lunch with a friend.

6. Being a parent is amazing

It is very difficult to describe how incredible being a parent really is. This huge change for you and your spouse can bring you both closer than ever and create a bond you never thought possible. My husband describes this shift in a beautiful way. People without children are getting a delicious four course meal without dessert. When you have children, some meals can be tough on the palate, but then you get the dessert- the best part! We call them million dollar moments because these spectacular memories may only last a moment or two, but they are worth so much more.

Remedy:

Keep changing, talking, loving, experiencing and growing. Because these are the significant times in your life that you (and your children) will always remember.

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We are our own worst enemies. We get in the way of our own success and often don't even realize it.

Here are seven reasons you keep yourself from success and how to get out of your own way.

1. Missing opportunities

One of the biggest problems that stunts our success is not taking opportunities when they come. Often, we don't seize opportunities because we are scared of change. We're afraid the unknown leap of faith might end with a crash and burn. It's true that sometimes you dive into something and it becomes a total failure.

But, you don't know until you try.

We also tend to take opportunities for granted. We assume we will always have certain options or that we can make changes when we feel more ready. But, simply put, timing is never perfect. So take the opportunities when they come up.

2. Letting emotions make your decisions

A surprising amount of people do not think decisions through. While it is important to go with your gut, it is also important to weigh options.

We often fail to recognize both the rational and emotional facets of decisions. But each facet is just as important as the other because both predict your long-term happiness.

The best way to combat irrational thinking is to write down your choices. As you do this, acknowledge both the positive and negative aspects of each choice. This simple exercise brings clarity and helps you make the best decision for you.

3. Talking negatively to yourself

We are merciless to ourselves.

Most thoughts in our minds are words we would never speak to another person. It is time to turn this around so you feel confident and capable when success comes knocking on your door.

One way to develop the habit of positive self-talk is to say something nice about yourself every time you encounter a common situation like walking through a doorway, looking in a mirror or washing your hands.

4. Making unfair comparisons to others

We are all a little different, which makes each of us beautiful. We each handle stress differently, manage time differently and have different struggles to cope with.

Yet, we compare to a fault. Social media and social pressures often make self-comparisons worse. To think what you see on social media is the entire picture of others' lives is not realistic. People only post the cute or funny pictures. No one wants to post the ones where one eye is slightly closed or a booger is sticking out.

The best way to stop comparing yourself to what you see online is to go through a social media cleanse and limit use. Spend two weeks not checking any social media sites. Tell your followers ahead of time if it makes you feel better. Then, slowly reintroduce social media back into your life and set a time limit for your use. If you go over the time limit, start the cleanse once more. This gets your priorities back in order and helps you to stop comparing yourself to others.

5. Forgetting to work hard

Although we are all different and should not compare ourselves to others, there is no such thing as being the only "right" person for a job. This might take the wind out of your sails, but if you want something, you need to work hard for it no matter how skilled you are.

Set goals and develop a plan with all the steps you need to get what you want. As you move through the steps, you will develop the knowledge, determination and grit needed to actually be a qualified for what you want.

6. Not keeping end-goals in sight

Shortsighted folks don't see long-term goals. When things start to get difficult, they give up. But, it's easier to stick to a rough task if you know why you are doing it and what reward is expected at the end of the tunnel.

The best way to overcome shortsightedness is to write down your ultimate end-goal. Then, determine three different ways to achieve it, creating a step-by-step plan for each way. Include potential barriers and caution flags that indicate if you're on the right or wrong path. Doing this breaks down a huge goal into more attainable steps and makes goals more manageable for easily distracted people, like myself.

7. Being afraid to fail

Failure is scary. No one enjoys failure and many of us simply avoid it.

The six points above explain why we keep ourselves from succeeding and how to change. But this seventh point explains why not succeeding is okay.

Failure is the best teacher. We should embrace every scrape and bruise along the way. Everyone can look back and think about opportunities that slipped away, but it is important to take what we have learned from failure and apply that knowledge to the next opportunity.

So, get out there and get out of your own way. You are an amazing person who can achieve all the goals you set for yourself.

The post 7 ways you are unknowingly sabotaging your chances for success appeared first on FamilyToday.

Here are 5 helpful pointers to consider as we make our compliments more effective and self-sustaining.

1. "Good job!"

I say this at least 20 times a day, and I have had to painstakingly correct myself over and over. The problem with this phrase is that your children start to rely on your approval. They know they did something right but they don't know what. It is not specific to the action so they become dependent on you to judge how positive their behavior was. We want them to do good things based on their motivation. Children need to know what specific action they did right, so that as they grow up, they will get a sense of pride based on their actions and not just from the approval of others.

The best way to do this is to be very specific. For example say to your child, "Good job cleaning up your spilled milk. That is so helpful!"

2. "You almost got it! I'll fix that for you."

It is always good to applaud your little ones in their attempts at new skills, but the key is to not come to the rescue too soon. This discounts their abilities and makes them feel incapable when trying something new. It may also teach them that if they can't get it on the first try it is easier to just have someone else do it instead.

Self-esteem is developed on the back of skill mastery, so being able to take the time to learn something difficult (with failure) is key to overall self-worth. Letting your children struggle with a task is a very important learning tool. If they do ask for your help, make sure it is a learning moment and help them master the skill.

3. "You are my favorite."

You should be able to connect with all of your children in some way- some easier than others. Even if you feel closer to one versus the others you should never tell them that you favor them. Initially the child might feel proud that they are a prized child but it starts to lead to uncomfortable questions. Thoughts like, "What about my siblings I love?" Or "Do they say that to the others too?" It just becomes confusing and creates bad feelings between family members.

4. "You are the best at ___ ever!"

Telling your child that they are the best ever at something is setting them up for disappointment. It sounds harsh but very rarely are people truly the 'best' at something. And even if they are, it is usually short lived.

If we fill our children up with unrealistic expectations it can actually become detrimental to their self-worth. This leads to hesitation to try new things because of the fear of failure. They start to get into patterns of only sticking to things that they know well, which actually reduces the complexity of skill development. Often times they do not understand that part of being good at something is working hard and failing often.

As a parent, it is better to say, "Your hard work really paid off- you did great during that game!" This emphasizes what they did to be good at that activity.

5. "You are naturally talented at everything you try!"

Some kids are naturally more talented than others, just like some adults are more skilled than others. However, telling your child that they are naturally good at everything they try will set a very high bar. As they try new things and fail, or are slightly unsuccessful, they often quit right away. They will carry this self-concept that they are great at everything and feel they should be better from the start.

This destroys resiliency and the tenacious spirit that truly successful people tend to have. Success is not full of easy roads and sunshine, it is scattered with disappointment and failure. As parents, we need focus on how they get to their successes and not the end result.

6. "I'm proud of you."

The "I'm proud of you" statement should always be followed up with the specific behavior or action that the child did that made you proud. We want to put credit toward the child and the accomplishment that they have achieved.

For instance, "I'm proud of you because you worked so hard and spent so much time practicing the piano." This tells the child exactly what you are proud of and gives them proof that the statement is truthful. This helps them in the future know that even when you are not there, they know you would be proud of them because of who they are and the actions they took.

It helps them become independent emotionally while keeping that secure base of parental positive regard.

Finally, be positive with your kiddos. Make sure that the positive statements outnumber the negative comments. This keeps the relationship healthy and connected so as negative behaviors do come up, you have a stable foundation to work from. Happy parenting!

The post 6 compliments that are ruining your children’s happiness appeared first on FamilyToday.

Not everyone thinks the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, and some of your loved ones may be downright grinchy.

Instead of getting frustrated with your ba-humbug buddy, here are 8 tips to get them to cooperate with you during the holidays:

1. Let them know you need them

Honesty is the best policy when it comes to letting people know what your needs are. Sometimes these needs are getting the lights on the house and picking up a fresh pine tree for the living room.

If you feel like you're the only one creating the holiday joy this season, let your Grinch know that you need their help. It may not be met with a heel click and a smile, but you will at least have shared your feelings and your wants.

2. Be straightforward

Sometimes it is best just to rip off the band-aide instead of slowly peeling it off. The holidays are no exception.

If you need your spouse to be holly jolly at the family party, tell them you need it- no questions asked. This makes clear expectations of how you would like the event to play out. By sharing your expectations, it reduces your resentment towards each other.

3. Be realistic

Communicating honestly and as straightforward as possible is the best way to make your Grinch aware of your needs- but keep in mind that you need to be realistic. You can't expect them to be chipper on your all day gift-shopping spree because that is almost impossible. If they put up lights the exact opposite way you would, take some deep breaths and think to yourself "it is wonderful that they are helping."

4. Let them make decisions

It is important to understand that your loved one should have a say in how they are going to accomplish a task since they are going to be the one doing it. On the occasion you ask them to do an errand or task, let them have artistic license. When people have a choice, they are more vested in the process and outcome. They also tend to have a better attitude about completing the errand you have asked of them.

5. Help them out

It is always more fun to complete a holiday task with another person, specifically if you are excited to do it. Your positive attitude can bring up the holly jolly mood and even make it go faster. You get extra points for being playful and comical; maybe you'll even get a smile.

6. Let them have down time

There are a million chores to get done around the holidays, which make it even more important that you take time to enjoy doing nothing. Although it is fun to run around seeing lights, getting hot cocoa, and visiting Santa, it is more important to enjoy each other during the holidays.

7. Lots of praise

The absolute best motivator is positive feedback. So make sure you are noting the awesome help they are giving you and then let them know. Make sure all of your comments are sincere, or it will produce the opposite effect. Sharing the praise is also a great way to uplift the feel around the home and before you know it, the positive vibes will spread to all family members.

8. We all like rewards

Some people call this bribing, but I like to think of it as a reward. If they are adamant about not helping you with a project, talk to them about making a reward deal.

The most effective rewards are clear and understood by both parties. For example, "If you help me find a thoughtful gift for your Aunt Rida, I will leave you to watch football with no distractions."

Make sure the deal is fully understood and agreed upon so that both people know what they need to do to follow through.

Keeping all this in mind, remember that spending time with one another is the most important. So deck the halls and be merry, but take time to snuggle by the fire. Be kind to your fellow man and treasure these moments for you will reminisce them for years to come. Happy holidays.

The post 8 ways to motivate your Grinch this holiday season appeared first on FamilyToday.

Most people will not admit to seeing a mental health therapist for various reasons. Whether you tell people or not, it is important to know when it is a good idea to go in. If you are experiencing any of the following conditions, you may want to consider seeing a therapist.

1. Stressful environment

There is such a thing as the perfect amount of stress. It is enough stress to keep you motivated but not so much that it leaves you feeling burned out. Usually the big indicators are work and home life suffering. This can include people telling you they are concerned about you or your personal view of the world. Unrelenting stress can lead to exhaustion both physically and mentally. The family unit is especially vulnerable to this because there is generally no other place to release stress. Sometimes just coming together as a family and venting to someone that is not part of your life helps a great deal. Therapists are also great at helping your family build skills to reduce this affect in the future.

2. Physical symptoms

Most of us will experience some form of physical symptoms when life gets too stressful. Grinding your teeth, stomachache and racing heart rate are all examples of this. A therapist can help you and your family notice when this is happening and teach relaxation skills to calm yourself down, along with getting help from others.

3. Rumination

If we have experienced something that is not in our control, thoughts can spin in our heads without resolution. This increases anxiety and can create problems with attention span. This is where therapy can be used as a tool. You can discuss these issues with your therapist and make some sense from it (even if there is no real world resolution possible).

4. Losing the love

Have you lost all love for activities you once enjoyed? This can be an indication of high levels of stress and possible depression symptoms. Determining if your interests are just evolving or if life has become dull due to underlying reasons is crucial. Either way, your therapist can help you create a plan for success.

5. Substance Use

When we think of 'substance use' we generally think of drugs and alcohol, but this can also include caffeine and sugar. If you find that this is how you are coping, and it is becoming a detriment to your well-being, talking with a therapist is a must. They can help you develop different coping skills that are healthy and are not causing you or those close to you harm.

6. Souring relationships

Our romantic relationships are not immune to the stresses of life and often times contribute to it. So if you are having increasing intensity and frequency of conflict with your partner, it might be time to consider counseling. If your partner is willing to attend with you, even better. But this souring is not exclusive to romantic partners. Our friends and other family members are the people you count on to tell you if you have broccoli in your teeth, so you should trust them if they have pointed out concerns about your well-being. It is important to get objective and rational information from them and work through these issues with your therapist.

7. Find the real you

Most of the above are conflicts in our life that cause us to seek some help. But another reason to see a therapist devoid of conflict is for self-discovery. Therapists can help you gain an objective assessment of your life and who you are along with your goals and who you would like to be. As we go through life, we usually have little time to sit and discuss how we would like to change our life for the better. So taking an hour here and there is a great way to find the real you and create achievable goals.

Remember, you always have options in choosing your therapist so interview a few to make sure you and your family feel comfortable with them. Therapists want you to get the most out of your treatment, and a good fit is crucial. To find a therapist in your area check out Psychology Today or Good Therapy.

The post 7 indicators you might need therapy appeared first on FamilyToday.