It seems that for many people, the key to greater happiness in marriage is dependent on things or situations. Do you ever think to yourself, "Our marriage will be happier when we have a bigger home; when his job pays more; when we pay off some bills; when the kids get older; when my spouse stops ... "? The possibilities for more happiness later seem endless. But there is a way to have a happier marriage now - you just have to be willing to think a little differently.

Put things in perspective and be positive

A lot of things in life just are what they are, and you can get rid of a lot of unhappiness if you stop giving them the power to make you either happy or unhappy. Most of us don't own our dream home, drive our dream car or have perfectly behaved children. Jobs are full of problems, people can hurt each other and everyone has challenges of some form. The trick is to be happy in spite of those things. One approach is to tell yourself, "It is what it is," and then deal with it without allowing it to dictate your happiness level. Your happiness has a lot to do with the way you think and react to situations. It is always better to spend time thinking about what's right with your life and with your spouse than it is to dwell on the negative. Optimism within marriage, and in every facet of life, will always lead to more happiness.

Reset your expectations

People are not perfect, but sometimes we fall in love, get married and then forget what made us fall in love in the first place. Sooner or later, we all get to see our spouse on a bad day. You may not like the way your spouse eats certain foods or the way he or she leaves dirty laundry lying around. You might not like his messes or favorite pastime. Your spouse might gain weight. You won't always agree with her choice of words or actions. It's certain that at some point, your spouse will annoy you. Realize that neither one of you is perfect, and you both make mistakes. Do your best to see those qualities you have always loved in your spouse.

Practice acceptance and forgiveness

We all want acceptance in life. We want to believe that others will continue to love us even when we make mistakes. Refusing to accept others as they are, and even refusing to accept ourselves, only leads to unhappiness. In marriage, being willing to accept the other person, whole-heartedly, as they are, and extend forgiveness when you've been hurt is a powerful force for good. If you go into a marriage expecting to change the other person and somehow make them into what you want them to be, you should probably not be marrying that person.

Put love into action

Love is an action word. If you want to be happier in marriage, loving your spouse and then putting that love into action will bring more happiness to both of you. A simple thing is to be observant. Think about the little things that your spouse appreciates and try to do those things. Chances are, you will soon find your spouse doing the same for you.

Create more happiness in your marriage relationship, not by changing your spouse or your situation, but through shifting your thinking to include genuine acceptance and love in action.

The post 4 easy ways to a happier marriage appeared first on FamilyToday.

Does anyone marry with the intent to poison their marriage? The answer is probably no, yet it happens every day; some couples don't even realize they are doing it. If you find yourself putting any effort into the following 5 steps, you are headed toward a poisoned, unhappy marriage.

Think only of yourself

Perhaps the easiest way to poison your marriage is to act as if you forgot you have a spouse. This can easily happen in several different ways. Thinking only of yourself and what you want. Refusing to sacrifice your own needs for your spouse. Making big decisions alone and buying costly items without consulting your spouse. Constantly asking yourself, "What am I getting out of this marriage?" or "Why aren't my needs being met?" or telling yourself, "I need to be happy." Never letting yourself consider what your spouse needs or wants in order to be happy. As soon as you have become the most important person in your life, your marriage is poisoned.

Never be the first to say 'I'm sorry'

Couples argue; it's a fact. Some argue a lot and some argue little, but two different people are always going to have differing views about something, especially when those two people are as different as a man and a woman. If you want to poison your marriage, make sure you are never the first one to say 'I'm sorry' after a disagreement. It doesn't really even matter who started it-be prideful enough to refuse to admit any fault at all, and that pride will help you poison your marriage.

Practice your fault-finding skills

If you enjoy looking for the faults in others, by all means, apply this skill to your marriage and it won't be happy for long. If you allow it, marriage between two imperfect people can easily become a breeding ground for fault-finding and criticism. The way your spouse brushes their teeth or how they leave their dirty socks around the house are things you can start a fight over. These little fights can make your spouse feel like they will never measure up. To take the fault-finding to the next level, be sure to share and discuss your spouse's many faults with all your friends...in front of your spouse.

Hang onto old hurts

This one requires you to keep a file in your brain titled, "All the things my spouse has ever done to hurt or annoy me". All you have to do is keep all those hurts and annoyances tucked away for quick reference later on. For ruining your marriage, there's nothing like a good past hurt to toss into your spouse's face when they've managed to hurt you again. This step is particularly useful during an argument that you feel you are losing. It may turn the tide in your favor temporarily, but be prepared for the poisonous consequences.

Don't date anymore

This step might not bring results very fast, but if you forget to date your spouse sooner or later poison seeps inot your marriage. Failing to keep the romance alive with little things like love notes, one-on-one time or heart-to-heart chats are ways to make sure this happens. Once you stop dating your spouse, take things a step further and spend all your time with girlfriends or buddies instead of spending time together. You can also stay at work extra late or put all your focus on the kids. This tells your spouse that he or she is no longer your highest priority. Forget the romance and soon enough your spouse will feel forgotten, taken for granted or even unloved.

Now that you know the 5 easy steps to a poisoned, unhappy marriage, you also know how you can turn things around and enjoy a thriving, happy marriage. Simply take those 5 steps and do the opposite. Always put your spouse first, be the first to say "I'm sorry", look for the good in your spouse, let go of faults and be forgiving, and never stop dating. It might take a little more work and effort, but you won't regret the results.

The post How to poison your marriage in 5 easy steps appeared first on FamilyToday.