Every child will eventually grow up and leave home. Whether they go away to college, choose a career, get married, or simply move to their own place they will begin that next phase of life known as adulthood. As a parent, it is your responsibility to prepare them for this next important step. Sometimes, you might be hampering this preparation without even realizing it.

Here are five important things to avoid doing with your teenager so that they are better prepared to leave home:

• Not teaching them responsibilities.
  While it is much easier to just take care of things at home on your own, there is an important reason that we give children chores and responsibilities at home. These early chores start to teach our children not only how to clean and care for areas of a home, but how to be accountable and responsible for completing tasks. A child who is never expected to do chores around the home will be missing out on a great opportunity. School can be another way of teaching your children about responsibility. While you shouldn't expect your child to get straight A's, you can encourage good study habits and being responsible for their attendance. If you fail to teach your child how to have responsibility, you will be doing them a disservice as they move onto the next phase of their lives.

• Overcomplimenting
  Yes, your child is wonderful. Yes, you want them to know that. But there are negative side effects that come from complimenting children on things they don't actually deserve compliments on. Children will eventually realize it is only their parents that praise all they do. In the long run, excessive parental approval pushes children to avoid the unpleasent realities that await in the real world.

• Wanting to be loved
  If you're really teaching and implementing the values children need to be learning, chances are there will be a lot of restraints put in place at some points to help your child learn discipline. While these are sometimes necessary, they are rarely popular with children. Loving parents recognize that being temporarily hated for rules can produce greater benefits in the long run.

• Fixing their mistakes or taking care of everything for them.
  Every child makes mistakes as he/she is growing up. This is an important part of learning. Parents who repeatedly come to the rescue of their children and take away the natural consequences of mistakes by fixing or solving problems are not teaching their child necessary life skills. It's through mistakes, both big and small, and the consequences that follow that your child will learn how to interact in the world. If you are continually making sure your child has an easy path to follow, they will never learn there are bumps in the road and how to learn from them. While it is important to be supportive and be a resource for your child during tough times, it is critical to make sure you are not always stepping in front of them or running interference on problems that may arise.

• Appearing perfect
  We were all once teenagers and made mistakes many teenagers make. You can help your teen navigate through those raging years by sharing with them some of the mistakes you made when you were their age, and the ways you could have avoided them. These mistakes shouldn't be heavy ones dealing with major problems, but rather small, common ones that can help show them you understand what they are going through.

• Not teaching them about money.
  Learning to be responsible and how to learn from mistakes are important, but the most important task you need to teach your child is how to manage their money. If you aren't teaching your child how to budget and control expenses they could quickly be moving right back home. Learning how to manage and budget money is a critical life skill every adult should have, and the best way for an adult to know this is to be taught from an early age. One way to teach a child about money is through an allowance. As they get a job you can help them learn to budget based on their income. The important thing is to make sure to talk to them and teach them how to plan expenses based on their income.

When your child grows up and leaves home, it may be a sad or happy experience. Depending on how you prepare them for this important step, it doesn't have to be a scary one, as well. Avoid the pitfalls and make sure your child is well prepared to take that step out on their own.

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Another family, in a scene mirroring "Mr. Holland's Opus," with musician parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, welcomed the first of a new generation (expecting more musical talent) and discovered her deafness. This came as much as a blow to this family as the one above.

When your teen has an interest or talent that does not fit your paradigm of what is in the family tradition (boys and dance, etc.), there are ways to support your teen and encourage the development of their talent and their character. Showing your support for their interest or talent (whatever that may be) allows your teen to express their individual tastes and to develop the character traits of self discipline and self-mastery which come with the active pursuit of a dream.

1. Don't be the stage parent or sideline embarrassment

While teens want your support and encouragement, this can go too far. If your daughter does not get the lead in the school musical, let that go. Offer her a shoulder and allow her to vent about her frustration and hurt, but let it stop there. Don't push your teen too hard into their arena; they need to have control of this aspect of their lives. Let them weather any disappointment and know that no matter what happens, which string of the team they are playing, or is they miss a note in the solo, that you care for them unconditionally.

2. Don't define your teen by their talent

When talking to or about your teen, remember that they are more than their talent. Let them become a well-rounded individual, learning about themselves and all of their talents and gifts.

3. Don't be a fair weather fan

When your teen has a losing season, fumbles the ball or misses a line, still support them. Teens want your respect, love and support, no matter the score or quality of the performance.

4. Don't live your glory days through your child

This is hard for many parents, especially the ones in the examples above. Your teen may have different talents than you have. If your teen does share your interests and talents, this is special since there is a built-in common interest. However, don't be like one of those people that simply cannot allow others to have a moment of glory and constantly live their dreams vicariously through others. Give your child your insight and let your child shine on his or her own.

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It's natural, as your child grows from toddler to teen, that she will become more involved with friends and activities outside the home. However, if you feel like you are completely losing contact and association with your child, check your own attitude and behavior to make sure you aren't contributing to the problem. Here are three things parents often do without realizing it that could, in fact, be driving your teen further away from home:

• Being too critical or controlling. A parent that hovers or checks every action of their teen might be too controlling. If you not only have to know where your teen is going, but every minute detail you are being not only controlling, but also critical of their decision making process. Teenagers need a little bit of leeway to learn to express their individuality. They need to learn to make decisions on their own without the help of their parents. This is one of the hardest concepts you will ever face as a parent, but it is a necessity. Parents who continue to critique or control the decisions of their teenagers will find their relationships suffer. The goal as a parent is to guide your child through teenage years as you build a relationship with them. This is not done with control but mutual respect and trust.

• Forcing interaction. While family involvement is important, forcing your child to attend family events could backfire. Yes, your teen could attend the event, but they won't have a good attitude and may negatively impact others, as well. These forced interactions will not produce the family bonds for which you are hoping. Instead, it is important to plan positive family activities that your teenager will want to participate. Find things that interest your child and include those as family events.

• Not asking them to be involved. While your teen doesn't want you to control or force their interactions with the family, that doesn't mean they don't want to be there. It's important to involve your teen in planning events as well as asking them to attend. It's important to remember that even as your teenager seems to be pushing you away, they still need you and want to involve you in their life. You just have to make more of an effort so that your teen feels connected and understands that they can have relationships both with their family and their peers. Involving your teenager in planning family activities and events helps to create this understanding. The key is to make sure you are involved in the planning together. Simply letting your teen plan an event does not promote involvement, it is the process of working together that makes it effective.

While your teenager will begin to find new interests and spend more time with friends, it is not impossible to blend both family time and friend time. If you will take the time to stay involved with your teen without taking over, you can establish a strong relationship that will not only take your through the teen years but well beyond. For more tips on teens,

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If you recognize areas in which your family could improve, consider family decision-making councils as a possible solution. If your family is currently running smoothly, you could probably make family councils a habit now to prepare for rough times, which will surely come. The following are some ideas of how you can make family decision-making councils a successful part of your family routine.

1 . Decide how you want the councils to work

Decide where the meeting will be held, how often, what types of things you will discuss, who will lead the discussions, how long meetings will last, what the rules of the meeting will be and how you will make sure everyone's concerns are heard and addressed. Make a rule that each person will be able to share their opinions without being interrupted. Do not allow fighting. Deciding ahead of time how your family councils will be conducted and organized will give the family members confidence, security and will ensure that the meetings run smoothly.

2. Follow a decision-making process rather than voting

Realistically, your family can't be conducted as a pure democracy. Imagine all of your children banding together to vote for increased allowance, later bedtimes and candy for every meal. Instead, place the issues on the table and take suggestions regarding how they might be resolved. Try to take into account everyone's ideas and suggestions, but remember that you are responsible for the final decision. As a parent, your decision has to take into account everyone's well-being and safety, and you cannot allow your children to make choices that will do them harm.

3. Choose your words carefully

Make sure your children understand that allowing them to have input into family issues does not mean that they can now make all of their own decisions. When it comes to family rules and responsibilities, your children cannot be given the option of whether or not to obey, participate or get the job done. Carefully word these issues so your children don't get the idea they have no limits as to what they can do.

4. Be sure to follow up on decisions made in other councils

In order to give your family a sense that the decisions made during these family councils are serious and important, you need to consistently discuss how things are going. If, for example, you decided that each child had a responsibility to get their homework done without being asked, you need to return to this issue and find out whether or not this is happening. You may need to reevaluate the decision and consider other options. Whatever the case, you shouldn't leave the completion of tasks and responsibilities to chance.

5. Use the council as a time to discuss schedules and upcoming events

Spending a little time each week discussing what each family member has going on will produce interest in each other's activities and help to avoid scheduling conflicts. Consider filling out a family calendar. Have everyone write in what they are doing each day for the whole week. Decide what activities everyone will attend. Figure out when the next council will be held. Coordinating in these ways will ensure no one is left out when the family starts scrambling to get everything done.

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1. Gather the whole family together when you inform your children

Both parents and all children should be present. This scenario may be emotionally difficult or uncomfortable for adults, but it will reinforce to your children that the decision is mutual on the part of their parents and that they will not be asked to side with one or the other. Later, parents should be available to talk privately with individual children in order to explain, answer questions and provide reassurance.

2. Reassure children that they are not to blame

. Make it very clear that the reason for the divorce is marital discord and that the child is not the cause. Children often worry that their parents are getting divorced because they have been "bad."� They need extra reassurance that this is not the case. Also, by stating that this decision has been made by both parents you can avoid blaming the other parent. Although your feelings about your spouse may be less than positive, remember that nothing is gained by negative comments about someone your child loves.

3. Tell your children that both parents still love them

The fragility of relationships becomes frighteningly apparent to children when their parents separate. The concept that the marriage will end, but parenting will continue, is a difficult one to grasp.

4. Take advantage of resources available to your children

Many good children's books about divorce have been written in recent years. If parents have been involved in counseling, children might be invited to sessions to express their feelings. Some community agencies organize peer groups for school-aged children and adolescents to share experiences regarding their parents' divorce.

5. Provide follow-up conversations

. As children process the information presented to them at the initial discussion, they will need follow-up discussions that include the opportunity to ask questions and express feelings. Their understanding of divorce and the way it will affect them personally will evolve over time, and parents must be available to talk and listen as needs change.

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Create a climate of trust and reassurance

Begin by reassuring your child that she is good enough, she is unique, and that is why she is special. Creating a trusting safe environment allows him to open up as himself to discover his likes and dislikes and whom he is inside. Nurture your child, notice his/her individual needs and make sure they are being met. A child who has his needs met is more likely to notice the needs of others and respond in kind. She will also begin to feel calmer and secure in her environment and in meeting others.

Give your children responsibility, allow for mistakes and learning experiences

Beginning with simple household chores you can help your child learn about responsibility as well as gain confidence in their skills and decision making processes. Even when your child makes a mistake she is learning and gaining experience. This experience can in turn help her to understand that meeting others and being together can be a beneficial experience. You can use these same skills in learning responsibility in making new friends and meeting new people. You can learn skills and techniques that will help her learn to accept her shyness without letting it hold her back. She can use the sensitivity that comes from being shy to really be a friend to others while also learning more about herself, as well.

Find his talents and skills and provide opportunities for him to develop them

This will not only help give him self-confidence but will also allow him to meet others with similar interests and make new friends. Allowing your child to find that one talent or skill will help to increase her self-confidence. Allowing your child to explore this talent in an environment with other children will provide opportunities for him to make new friends. It's much easier to make new friends when you have similar interests. These new activities can then lead to new social experiences on which your child can continue to build.

While children that are shy can have a harder time at school due to slower social skills, it's important to remember that shy kids will learn to manage their shyness. They will find those first friends with similar interests, and they can then build on those successes. Shy children, in fact, tend to have more empathy and compassion for others, and once they create friends they have longer lasting and much deeper relationships. If, as a parent, you can ensure that your child's emotional needs are being met that his self-confidence is being promoted, and positive skills are being taught; you can guide your child through her shyness to rewarding interactions with a variety of friends and experiences.

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Have you ever found yourself in an uncomfortable situation and behaved differently than you would otherwise. Some people when facing a stressful situation behave in a silly, almost giddy fashion - clowning around. (Remember when you could barely speak when you were around that person in junior high or high school that you always had a crush on?) Children can react in a similar fashion. One way to look at this behavior is letting off some excess steam. While the release of tension can be beneficial, the clowning behavior can escalate and become, at best quite tiresome, and at worst something that impedes your child from making connections that are meaningful if they hide behind the clown all of the time.

Pay attention to me, only me, and right now!

One reason that children may cut up is that they are reacting to a situation that makes them uncomfortable and do not know how to behave in the situation. This often is the case when a friend or relative is over and the parents are engaged with the other adult and expecting the child to entertain themselves. The child does not want to miss out on the fun, so they come up with ways to gain attention and do so in a cute, funny or charming manner.

When your child is acting silly in an attempt to get your attention, you should address them immediately. Saying something like, "I know that you want to spend time with me. I want to spend time with you as well. However, Aunt Kathy is here and we want to visit. When she goes home later, I will spend some time with you. Please go read your book, play with your sister, or watch your movie and I promise to spend some time just the two of us just as soon as Aunt Kathy needs to leave."� This response shows your child that you care about him, that you are aware of his needs, gives an assurance that you will spend time with them (and make sure to do so), and gives them a view of you as an autonomous being.

The family clown

If your child feels that they receive the most positive attention while being silly, this may become a habit both at home and at school. While parents usually put up with more silliness than a teacher does, for some parents, this behavior is quite troublesome. Teachers cannot have 28 class clowns and must curb the silliness. If acting silly has become your child's primary mode of interacting, there is a good degree of possibility that the behavior is a habit and that they will get into some trouble at school for cutting up all of the time.

Don't look over there - look here!

When there is tension in the family, sometimes children will act silly in order to distract their parents (or other family members) in an attempt to help cheer them up. This behavior is quite common in families that are facing separation, divorce, illness, financial hardship, the death of a loved one, etc. In an attempt to distract attention away from stressful or emotionally difficult situations, a child (or adult) may feel the need to launch their own stand-up act. When your child is in this mode, it is important to assure them that you appreciate their support and desire to make you happy and forget your stress, but that sometimes life is stressful and that this is OK.

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1. Set limits

One to two hours is more than enough television viewing per day for a child, no matter how much he tries to convince you otherwise. The same rule holds true for video games. Encourage other activities that involve creativity, talents and physical fitness. Depending on weather and safety considerations, require your children play outside for a certain amount of time each day. Children are naturally imaginative, and they will surprise you with their ability to come up with fascinating games using only a stick and a pile of dirt. You should also set certain rules, such as no TV or video games before homework or chores. This also teaches your children to be responsible and manage their time effectively.

2. Set a good example

Examine your own television or computer habits. How many hours a day do you spend in front of a screen? Do you watch shows with violence or sexually inappropriate content? If your children observe this behavior in you, they will model it. Try to find ways to cut down on your own TV and computer time. Find activities that you and your children both enjoy that you can do together. Go for a walk, play a game or work on a puzzle. Teach your children other ways to entertain themselves that are interactive and encourage communication and togetherness.

3. Teach your children to be selective

Try making a plan and scheduling the television shows the family will watch in a week. Each family member can choose one or two shows they want to watch and which are consistent with the family's values. You can also help your children select appropriate video games. Before you buy a game, discuss its content with your children. You may have to rent or borrow a game to preview it, but this will inform you and your children of what options are available.

4. Watch together

While watching TV with your children, you can talk about what is going on, what you are learning, and what choices the characters are making. During commercials, you can help your children distinguish between valid offers and selling tactics. Playing video games with your children is a great time to have fun, talk, and simply be together.

5. Explain your concerns

You can't expect your children to understand your objection to television or video games if you simply ban them, change the channel at an inappropriate scene, or become angry when they turn the TV on or start playing a game without your permission. Share your concern that too much of these sedentary activities will cause them to get out of shape and lose the opportunity to build talents. Discuss how various shows and games contain subject matter and behaviors that you believe are wrong and which can hurt other people.

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1. Keep a second computer for the kids

This will cut down on begging and whining to use yours. Load the kids' computer with educational software so that they can "work"� with you when you need to get some work done.

2. Let your kids help when they can

Children 5 and older can do simple business tasks such as filing, stuffing envelopes, sending faxes and sorting mail. This will allow the kids to feel that they're contributing to the household. As they get older they will be able to take on more complex tasks that can save you time and money.

3. Install a separate phone line or use a separate cell phone for your business

This will prevent missed business calls and children answering the phone inappropriately. A separate line will also make it easier for you to let things go when your workday is finished by letting the phone go to voicemail or the answering machine.

4. Establish clear-cut business hours

This is good for both you and your family. During work hours you will be able to give your full attention to clients, while during your non-work hours you can focus completely on family. Ending the workday at a certain time every day will prevent you from letting your work creep into family time. You will be able to relax and enjoy your children more if you have set specific work hours because once those hours are over, you are finished regardless of how much work you have completed. Your children will also be able to count on your full attention during non-work hours and will feel loved and important.

5. Get a child's desk in your office

Stock it with supplies such as pens, pencils, Post-it notes, business card, envelopes and whatever other fun items your kids might like. Your children can sit and "play office"� while you work. Kids love to emulate their parents, and this is a great way for your kids to be involved in what you are doing while they keep busy with their own activities.

6. Designate your office space from your home area

This will help keep work and family separate. If possible, install double glass doors so that you can keep an eye on your children while working. If your office is in a remote area of the house, use an intercom or old baby monitor to communicate with your children while they are in other parts of the house.

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