Understanding charity

Charity is the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love. Christ taught charity by his touch and his teachings, "Turn the other cheek,"¯ "Go the second mile,"¯ "As ye have done it unto one of the least of these ye have done it unto me,"¯ "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you," "Feed my sheep," "Love one another as I have loved you."¯ Whatever the wording, the message is clear - charity is necessary for true followers of Christ.

Charity is the pure love Christ feels for us and asks us to feel for each other. If you feel outside of God's loving embrace or unable to feel charity for others, start here.

• Pray for God's pure love for you; it is a gift he yearns to give. Believe the enlightening feelings you receive.

• Ponder the question "What lack I yet?"¯ as did the rich young man. Ask God for help in overcoming weaknesses.

• Think loving thoughts about others and pray to love unconditionally.

• Commit to relinquish less than charitable habits.

• Remember the Savior's example. Christ dined with publicans and sinners, instead of categorizing the lot as unworthy and unclean. He resisted becoming offended when his chief apostle denied knowing him. He lovingly taught a doubting disciple about the reality of the resurrection instead of chiding him for lack of faith.

• Act as he would.

Applying charity

Paul details what charity is and is not in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Here are a few suggestions for putting charity into action.

Show kindness

Kindness comes when we remember all are spirit children of God and treat each other as such, by a gentle word, a soft touch, a caring gesture in the home, on the playground, at the workplace.

Don't envy

Jacob of the Old Testament loved his son Joseph more than all his children and made Joseph a coat of many colors. Ten brothers were jealous of Joseph but not Benjamin. Someone with charity is genuinely happy for the success of another.

Be considerate

To vaunt is to have pride; to think our time or possessions are better than another's. When we're late for an appointment or talk during a meeting, we assume our time is more valuable or important. When we brag about our accomplishments or "our stuff," we put ourselves above others. Instead, be considerate, grateful for what you have and have done and thankful to God for his divine help.

Stay humble

Paul taught "knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth" I recently read of a businessman who is world-renowned in his field, respected by his peers and honored by his friends. They describe him as brilliant and successful yet down to earth and a regular guy. Although this man has tremendous knowledge, it has not gone to his head.

Keep your cool

A person exhibiting charity is not easily provoked. A newspaper recently reported that two men got in a fist fight while inside a church; not over doctrine, but over where to sit. The police officer called to the scene arrested one of the men and commented that the incident was preventable if these grown men would have kept their cool. Remaining calm when someone gets under your skin shows that you love the person enough not to take offense.

Endure

A person with charity endures, as did the apostle Paul. They fight a good fight through hardships like a prolonged illness, death of a loved one, divorce, miscarriage, job loss or any other thorn in the flesh.

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down, or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other." Marvin J. Ashton, public speaker and family advocate.

Rather than waiting for the holiday season to show kindness, let's make service a priority all the year through by understanding and applying charity.

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Between husband and wife

The Christian apostle Paul admonishes, let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence; and likewise also the wife unto the husband. Every day benevolence can look like a heartfelt apology. Be the first to offer it. Don't take offense if he speaks using a different love language than you. Don't say "I told you so." Allow each other the space to make mistakes and forgive quickly when they occur. A wise man told his wife on their wedding day, "It takes two to argue. I promise I will not be one of them."¯ Benevolence is a desire to make your spouse feel happy and loved.

In the family

Eleven-year-old Jameson was saving for a special toy but did not have enough money to buy it. Hearing his plight, 8-year-old Sarah offered all of her money so her brother could have what he wanted. Children are often examples of benevolence. When they see someone hungry, they share their sandwich. If someone is cold, they offer a blanket. When someone is hurting, they give hugs. As an adult, it is taking care of an aging parent. Delivering the forgotten book report to your son's classroom. Hand washing mom's china because she likes it done that way. Welcoming the in-laws' unannounced visits. Benevolence is being selfless and choosing to put the desires and needs of family members before our own.

In the community

Outside the Gate Beautiful in Jerusalem a beggar entreated the Christian apostles Peter and John for alms. They answered him, "what I have I give unto thee."¯ They did not give money. Instead, healing was given to this crippled man. Benevolence is giving what you have. It's donating to the local church's rummage sale. Maintaining a well-kept yard and cleaning up a neighbor's if they have difficulty doing so. You could collect canned food for the food bank. Volunteer at a school or family shelter. Support the local fire and police at their annual banquets. Buy some Girl Scout cookies. Coach the recreational soccer team. Visit nursing homes or long-term care facilities simply to offer friendship and listen to a lonely soul. Benevolence is taking the opportunity to do good.

In the workplace

In ancient Israel, debtors were forgiven of the debts and the poor taken in with strangers. What a welcome gift in the lawsuit-loving world of ours. Benevolence in the workplace could mean lending a hand on a project that is outside of your work requirements. Sharing a lunch with a colleague that seems overwhelmed or alone. Withholding judgment on someone who is less competent. Accepting constructive criticism. Being the first to stick up for someone and the last to add fuel to the fire of gossip. Benevolence is being happy for the success of others.

The benefits of benevolence

Benevolence yields benefits, not in dollars and cents but in the heart. The poet Robert Burns describes it thus: "But deep this truth impress'd my mind: Thro' all his works abroad, The heart benevolent and kind The most resembles God."¯ In addition to our heart becoming like God's through acts of benevolence, a feeling of inner peace and outward love is felt. The Chinese ideogram for benevolence, called "ren,"¯ means the good feeling a virtuous human experiences when being altruistic. Imagine how you'd feel, how your family, community or workplace would feel, if you were benevolent at least one time each day. Imagine how peace throughout the world could progress if leaders acted in benevolence toward their subjects and nations toward one another. Whether to a spouse or family member, in the community or workplace, give the gift of benevolence today.

"Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness."¯ - Martin Luther King, Jr.

The post What is benevolence? appeared first on FamilyToday.

During long days, and even longer nights, as parents we may wonder how our child will turn out. When such wondering begins, consider Olympic athletes. Olympians are uncommonly successful. They are the product of genetics, experience, means and methods. But "they weren't born Olympians. They were raised that way."¯ In addition to athletic genes and strenuous workout schedules, Olympians became successful with the help of parents creating positive patterns.

A religious sage taught, "If you are worried about the future, then look to the upbringing of your children."

Scientist Stephen Suomi's research at the National Institute of Health in Maryland working with rhesus monkeys proves that regardless of genes and predisposition to certain behavior, a parent's influence can determine a child's success. Ponder on what traits you'd like to see in your child and then go about teaching those lessons. Everyone has agency so kids will choose for themselves what lessons to use as an adult, but the Bible teaches, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

If you want your child to be a hard worker, assign chores

Chances are a hard working kid will become an industrious adult. Even small children can help take out the garbage, aid in preparing meals, clean bathrooms, weed flowerbeds - you get the idea. In addition to you having a cleaner house, the satisfaction of a job well done will breed self-esteem in your child. Giving kids responsibility eliminates feelings of entitlement and diminishes the likelihood that they'll live on the dole.

If you want your child to be a law-abiding citizen, set limits

Enforce bedtime, insist on seat belts and bike helmets and drive the speed limit so kids learn that rules matter and are in place to keep us safe. If children test the rules when young and learn rules are inforced, they're less likely to push boundaries later.

If you want your child to be a self-reliant adult, teach financial responsibility

A wealthy father taught his children to live the 60/20/10/10 rule. Live on 60 percent of your income. Expect 20 percent to go to taxes. Pay yourself 10 percent by saving. Give 10 percent to charity. Encourage children to live the 70/10/10 rule while they aren't effected by taxes! As we live within our means, spend wisely, save regularly and give generously, our children will likely follow suit.

If you want your child to be a happy adult, look on the bright side

Ever met a person experiencing terrible difficulties and yet they are upbeat and pleasant to be around? They have trained themselves to love this day regardless of what it throws at them because optimism is a learned skill. When a child complains about eating vegetables or loses at chess, point out something positive about the experience. When they struggle with a problem, find some humor in it to ease tension and change a grumpy mood. If you look for the good your kids will too.

If you want your child to be loving adult, love without conditions

Befriend people who are different from you. Don't yell over spilled milk. When learning your teenage son got in a car accident, don't ask about the car first. Listen patiently when you're daughter explains why she changed her college major again. Well-adjusted adults know they were loved unconditionally as children.

If you want your child to be an educated adult, read with him

The children's author Rosemary Wells suggests "read to your bunny often and your bunny will read to you."¯ Read with your child not just at bedtime but over pb&js at lunchtime or in lieu of that re-run on TV. Readers become interesting conversationalists, informed voters and competent employees. Kids learn to love reading and value life-long learning when we do it with them.

If you want your child to be a selfless adult, teach her to serve

Picking up trash at the park, sharing toys, opening doors for others and helping to deliver cookies to a friend in need are great ways to teach children to look outside themselves. As we are put others before ourselves, including our children, it will come more naturally for our kids to do the same.

I bet that Olympic track star's mother didn't suspect as she taught her son to tie his shoes that he'd one day use that skill to lace up his spikes before running an international competition. Nor did that dad know as he taught his daughter to doggie paddle that she'd one day swim her way to Olympic gold. Whether our child is a future Olympian or not, our teaching, modeling and nurturing get her started on the right foot for the race of life. As parents we mustn't give up. We are rearing the champions of tomorrow!

The post They weren’t born Olympians: Patterns in success [VIDEO] appeared first on FamilyToday.

If you have a hard time keeping TV time within reasonable limits or have a child who spends so much time in front of the TV they are on the brink of becoming one, a media schedule may be the answer. Here are five tips for creating a media schedule for children.

Set limits

How many hours per day would your kids like to spend in front of a screen of some sort, whether it's TV, Wii, Xbox or iPad? If yours are like mine, it's well over the APA's recommended one or two hours. Hold a family council to discuss time limits. Vote on the amount of time family members are given daily. Creating a family pledge that everyone signs is another way to decide TV limits. Check out the APA's "Media Time Family Pledge"¯ for a great template. Giving family members input will help stave off whining when screen time is up as you gently remind them of their agreement to the daily amount.

Decide when screen time occurs

Set a specific time each day for electronics. You may prefer to let the kids use all their time at once. You may want to invoke a TV free day. In our home, media time is during certain hours in the morning and late afternoon. This helps me fill the day with non-screen activities. Do what works best for you and your children.

Keep track of daily use

It would be wonderful if children and adults self-monitored their screen time but if this isn't the case in your home, create a tracking mechanism. Use a timer, write down start and end times on a white board or make a daily chart. An easy way to make a media chart is to draw a grid on a piece of paper. List your children's names down the left column and the days of the week along the top column. Label the boxes in the middle with time intervals. Put an "X"¯ in a box each time a child uses a block of electronic time. A visual reminder will lessen the amount of parental nagging and that makes everyone happy.

Rotate

If one particular electronic device is a hot commodity in your home, let each child use the device first on a specific day of the week. Write down the rotation and post it near the device. Rotations help teach children to take turns and encourage children to be patient while waiting for their turn.

Make it special

Make screen time a family experience as opposed to an individual one. Set aside a special family media time to watch a particular show that you all can enjoy or have a Wii bowling competition, for instance. Melissa and her husband gather their children for an in home "Friday Night at the Movies"¯ each week. This weekly ritual helps keep screen time to a minimum while involving the whole clan. It also gives their children something to look forward to.

Coming up with a media time schedule is a great way to manage screen time. Don't fret if your family experiences growing pains as you implement it. Trying and failing is better than the alternative - letting the kids turn into a TV themselves.

The post How to create a TV schedule for kids appeared first on FamilyToday.

In 2011, over 1.9 million burglaries occurred in the U.S. Seventy-four percent of those burglaries occurred at a residence and more than half of those residential burglaries, 750,000 of them, occurred during the day. One way to combat burglaries is a home security system. Here are some answers to common questions along with tips about purchasing a home security system.

Is it just for outside doors?

Systems also watch for smoke, fire and carbon monoxide within the home and dispatch emergency responders accordingly. Other areas like medicine cabinets and gun closets can have alarms as well. You'll receive an email or text message if the alarmed item is opened.

What if I can't get to the keypad quick enough?

Voice control systems are available. While many systems require you to enter a pass code to alarm or deactivate the system, two-way voice systems exist. If the alarm sounds you can turn off your system just by using a verbal password.

What if something breaks?

A good home monitoring company stands by their equipment so if there's a problem with or breakage to their equipment, they'll fix it for you. Others offer to pay costs above your insurance deductible should your home be broken into while on their watch.

How much will it cost monthly?

Basic monitoring ranges from $20-60 per month but with choices such as video surveillance, glass break sensors, pet immunity, water alarms, temperature control, weather forecasts and even medical monitoring, home security companies will try to up sell you on their products. Decide what's important to you before you call any company to avoid buying more than your budget will allow.

Is the system really free?

Home security companies are a lot like TV companies. Just as you can get a free cable box but must pay to have it installed, home monitoring equipment could be offered free of charge but it still requires a certified technician to install it and a commitment to stay with that company for an extended period. It's wise to double-check what you'll be required to pay up front and sign-up for when scheduling an installation.

Will I save on homeowner's insurance?

Your home insurance rates may decrease slightly as most homeowner policies include a discount for having an installed and actively monitored home security system. The monthly savings is typically between 10-20%. Don't be fooled however; this is potentially just a few bucks a month in savings. A quick call to your insurance agent can give you the exact details.

What if I don't have a home telephone?

You don't need a landline home phone to have a home monitoring system. Your phone company may tell you otherwise, but smartphone technology allows you to program your security system and be reached via cell phone in case of a problem.

Which are the best companies out there?

Ask friends or neighbors who they use or review online ratings about home security systems before making your decision.

Can I do it myself?

There are DIY options out there. Buying your own equipment online can save you a considerable amount of money. You do need to find a certified monitoring company that works with DIY users.

If a monitored home security system isn't right for you be sure to take other precautions. Lock your doors and windows and trim shrubbery away from them. Install motion-sensor lights outside. Give a trusted neighbor a spare key instead of hiding it in the usual spots like under a doormat or in a "key rock."¯ Use a peephole or a window to check and see who's knocking before opening your door. And if you didn't call for a salesperson or contractor don't let them in.

When you take care of protecting your home you won't need to worry when "the wild rumpus" starts!

The post When things go bump in the night: Home security systems appeared first on FamilyToday.

Since my mom's passing there have been persevering women, joyful women, exemplary women, even saintly women who have influenced my life. My story is not unique. This Mother's Day celebrate all the women - mothers and otherwise - who have been influential in shaping you into who you are now and aspire yet to be. Here are some ideas to help you recall and honor the great women in your life.

First, we salute the women we may not know personally but we are nonetheless indebted to.

Historical women

These women broke down barriers and became pioneers showing us the way to follow. They:

• Stood up for their beliefs like Esther of the Old Testament and Anne Hutchinson.

• Persevered in the face of injustice like Susan B. Anthony and Rosa Parks.

• Lived courageously during times of war such as Corrie Ten Boom and Clara Barton.

• Inspired us to tap into our athleticism like Babe Zaharias and Joan Benoit.

• Served in science and government such as Marie Curie and Benazir Bhutto.

These heroes and so many others have made it easier to be a woman today. Teaching our daughters about the obstacles that don't exist because of these women honors them.

Next, we honor women we work for, live near, worship with and are related to. They mother us.

Peers

By their age these women may be peers, but by their example are teachers. Whether well known, or admired from afar, these companions:

• Turn the other cheek when hurt or betrayed.

• Go above and beyond their required duty.

• Refuse to become bitter when plagued by death or disease.

To thank these exceptional women, let them know you appreciate their example. They will never suspect your admiration because of their fine character but nonetheless they will appreciate it.

Aunts

These are women in our families who go out of their way to serve. These relatives:

• Share precious stories from our heritage.

• Get through to our teenagers when we can't.

• Provide perspective, give hugs, listen and love.

Doing some reconnaissance to find out what guilty pleasure your auntie enjoys and pampering her with it will surely bring a gasp of delight this Mother's Day.

Matrons and Grandmothers

These are women who welcome us with arms worn soft by nurturing hundreds of others. These matriarchs:

• Spoil us and brag about us.

• Help with wiggly children during church or on an airplane.

• Offer career and homemaking suggestions from their treasure trove of experience.

Sitting with, listening to and speaking respectfully toward these woman is a wonderful way to thank them for their years of service.

Sisters

Consider as sisters women who are part of our soul even before we meet. These allies:

• Remember birthdays and anniversaries.

• Give advice on how to potty train our toddler or get a teen to listen.

• Show us how to accessorize our worn out wardrobe so we feel young again.

Use the Web to hunt down a favorite Golden Book you read together as kids or an ABBA song she loved as a teenager. Surprising your sis with a copy of it this Mother's Day will bring hugs and tears.

Step-Mothers, Adoptive Mothers, Mothers-in-Law and Foster Mothers

These are women who generously come into our lives not by accident but by a desire to love. These ministering angels:

• Pick-up where others have left off.

• Open our minds to different experiences and ways of doing things.

• Accept our shortcomings and help us succeed.

Handwritten notes or a framed snapshot of the two of you are heartfelt gifts to share with women who hold these unique positions.

Girlfriends

These are women whose presence enrich our lives. These confidants:

• Arrive at our door ready to listen because they had a feeling we needed them.

• Take us out for a movie and a laugh because they think we are worth it.

• Believe we are stronger than we think we are and go about helping us believe it too.

Returning the favors she has rendered will let your girlfriend know what a blessing she is in your life.

Mothers, Mamas, Mommies and Mums

Finally we pay tribute to the women who endure with us through thick and thin and know us through and through yet love us anyway. These selfless women:

• Sing lullabies and the ABCs.

• Wipe tears and fevered brows.

• Read at bedtime and teach us to read.

• Change dirty sheets and iron clothes.

• Cheer our small victories and buoy us when we fail.

• Establish routines and create family traditions.

• Drive carpools and buy car insurance.

• Bake goodies and throw parties.

• Mend broken hearts and assuage bruised egos.

• Attend school plays and endure parent-teacher meetings.

• Celebrate college admissions and cry at graduations.

• Plan weddings and give marital advice.

• Knit baby booties and cradle grandbabies.

• Serve without complaint and become angels long before they die.

Just like the quirky ornaments we made as children, mums will love a handmade token of appreciation from their little girl. Take the time this Mother's Day to make something special for the one who has given so much of her time to you.

Whether they stay up all night with us laughing, deliver a meal to us when we're ill or cheer us on just by being cheerful, mothering woman of influence deserve thanks. Recognizing and rewarding these women is a great way to spend Mother's Day. Chances are someone is thinking happy thoughts about you too!

The post Here’s to the women in our lives appeared first on FamilyToday.

Recently, I was in a meeting where a 60-year-old-man shared that his best memories with his children have been created while engaging in their activities. He jumps on the trampoline, skips rope, and shoots hoops. Imagining this man jumping on the trampoline motivated me to engage with my kids in their games.

Having fun with your kids doing what they love will strengthen your relationship and produce endearing memories. These DIY ideas are sure to produce giggles of delight and create lasting memories for you and your children.

Make an Air Fort

Your kids will love to see you scoot around inside this neat hideout.

Materials: Grab a large bed sheet, some packaging tape and a portable fan.

• Tape the long side of the sheet down to the floor (preferably tile or wood).

• Situate the fan at the far short end of the sheet.

• Tuck the short end of the sheet under the fan.

• Pull the long side of the sheet over the fan and tape along the opposite side.

• To create a greater vertical space for the air to blow through, pleat the far end of the sheet a few times.

• Get the fan going and let the fort fill with air.

• Enter and exit the air fort by sliding the fan to one side, scooting in and then securing the fan to its original position.

Fool them with a banana

Keep things light at breakfast with this trick.

Materials: You'll need a banana with firm skin and a thin long needle.

1. Poke the needle through the peel near the top of the banana. Don't push the needle completely through the peel.

2. Wiggle the needle side to side until you have cut a slice inside the banana. Be careful not to make the hole any bigger or it'll be noticeable.

3. Pull the needle out of the banana and make another hole a little way down. Repeat step 3 along the length of the banana.

4. Put the banana on your child's plate for breakfast and watch their surprise when they peel it. Then teach your child the trick and have them try it out on your spouse.

Have a paintball battle

Ditch the "keep your clothes clean"¯ rule and get down and dirty with your kids.

Materials: You'll need water bomb balloons, clothes that can be thrown away afterward, tempura or other water-based liquid paint, a bucket for each player.

1. Round up the kids and divide into two teams.

2. Fill water balloons with paint. It's a good idea to keep the balloons color specific so each team knows which balloons belong to them.

3. Give each player the same number of paint bombs to place in their bucket.

4. Each team sets up a command post using their buckets of balloons.

5. At the sound of the whistle, teams throw paint bombs atĀ their opponent. If you get hit, you're out. You can leave your fort, but be careful not to get hit.

6. Your team must eliminate all the opposing team members. The surviving team wins.

Build a paper doll house

Bring new meaning to paper dolls with this doll house.

Materials: Gather six pieces of medium-sized poster board, a ruler, craft knife, cutting mat, sewing pins, paint, glue and fabric scraps or decorative paper.

1. Cut a piece of fabric or paper to cover one piece of poster board and glue in place. This will be the floor of the house.

2. Set aside one rectangular piece of poster board for the back wall.

3. Cut two pieces of poster board into identical squares to use as your side walls.

4. Cut windows into the square pieces.

5. Decorate the rectangular poster board wall with paint or paper.

6. Glue the three walls and floor together. Use sewing pins to pin the boards together for added support.

7. Cut the remaining two poster board pieces to create roof sections.

8. Glue and pin the roof sections into place, back section first and then front. Let dry.

9. Paint the outside of the house.

10. Collect your daughter's favorite dolls and welcome them to their new home.

Peruse blogs, Family Fun magazine, or 101 Things To Do Before You Grow Up for more creative kid-friendly DIY ideas.

As Abraham Lincoln put it, "It's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years."¯ Add life to your years and joy to your child's heart by engaging in activitiesĀ he loves.

The post Ways to add life to your years and joy to your child’s heart appeared first on FamilyToday.

Day 1: Pray

Amid the shoulder-shaking soul, cries at the news of your loved one's passing, get on your knees and pray to God. God will not leave you comfortless. Hold on to your faith. If you don't feel you have faith, seek it out in nature, in church, in scripture, in prayer.

3 Weeks: Embrace nature

For the first few weeks following a death, mourners are generous with their love, time, patience and even their food. But around week three, those same friends and relations get back to their everyday lives including work, school, children and activities. It's not a bad thing that they do this. It's a necessary thing to keep moving forward. If you feel a let-down of emotion at this point, you are feeling something perfectly normal. This is a great time to go outside and reconnect with the universe. Nature reminds us that we are not alone and that death is not the end. Go on a hike. Plant a tree. Meander through a flower garden. I never feel alone when looking at the stars on a dark night.

6 Weeks: Be patient

You've gotten up every day, breathed in and out and have returned to many everyday activities; yet life may feel like a trudge through a muddy field. Ecclesiastes 3:1 states "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Following the death of a loved one, adjust your expectations. What used to be easy may become less so. Meeting deadlines or even grocery shopping may require more time and energy than you're used to giving. Be patient with yourself. You have just experienced a dramatic life change.

Monthly: Remember

Grieving doesn't mean you erase the person or memories of the past. Instead let their memory make you better and your love for them grow in a new way. Record in your journal insights and feelings about the person you lost and your new life. As time passes, you'll be amazed at all that you have learned.

An acquaintance of mine, Jaime, lost her 8-year-old son Jared to cancer. Each week during a family meeting, Jaime, her husband and children take turns saying a "Jared memory." "Whether it's something we saw or an event that made us think of Jared, we share it to keep him part of our family time." Jaime has also made photo books filled with pictures of her young children and Jared. These books help soothe the little ones when they miss their big brother.

12 Months: Celebrate the anniversary

Celebrate your loved-one's life by remembering the day she became an angel. I like to go visit my angel's graveside, look through her scrapbook and listen to music that reminds me of her. Don't forget to congratulate yourself for how far you've come in the past year.

5 Years: Write

A special way to honor your deceased love one is to write a letter to him explaining how you've grown. Be honest about the joy and pain you've felt in the wake of his absence. After making a copy for you to keep, put the letter into a helium-filled balloon and release it into the air. Watch as it drifts toward heaven. This pattern of writing and release is cathartic and healing.

For the friend who grieves

If someone you know has recently lost a loved one, the following suggestions can help uplift him or her during the grieving process.

Day 1: Listen

Follow the advice of musician Michael McLean. When someone is grieving, "show up and shut up,"¯ because the grief-stricken need to be heard and feel that someone cares. They may need help organizing funeral arrangements, readying the house for out-of-town guests or preparing to go back to work. Let her talk while you work side by side. Listening to one who grieves is an invaluable gift.

3 Weeks: Check-In

A few weeks after the funeral, call, email, or drop by. Let your friend know that you will be around for the duration and have not forgotten her grief.

Monthly: Provide Joy

Your smiling face can be the best pick-me-up, so be cheerful in your interactions. Do something fun together like visiting a museum, attending a concert or taking a trip to recharge her batteries. You can encourage your friend toward joy by giving her a "happy book"¯ to record all the blessings she notices in life.

12 Months: Remember

Bring flowers or a small memento on the anniversary of the day your friend's loss began. This is a beautiful way to say "I honor the grief that's inside you yet applaud your resoluteness."

5 Years: Write

Write her a letter explaining what you've learned from her example over the past five years. She will consider it a cherished keepsake and fitting tribute to all she's endured.

Over time, the sadness associated with grief diminishes, and beautiful memories and lessons come with it. "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."¯ - Helen Keller

The post The lessons we can learn through grieving appeared first on FamilyToday.

Quinn, a father and grandfather of a large family, has held family councils for more than two decades. He suggests that family councils are part of a divine pattern for learning, for achieving concord, for securing action plans and for generating satisfying interpersonal relationships.

There are numerous benefits to family councils. Here are a few:

Free flow of ideas

It's a discussion

Honor agency

Everyone gets a voice and a choice

Operate at the group's pace

Some decisions may take several councils others just one

Non-threatening

Parents listen instead of lecture

Natural teaching time

Kids' ears tend to be open when they feel heard

Unifying

Everyone works toward a common goal

Inclusive

Includes every member of the council who is willing to be included and contribute

Healing

Hard feelings can be shared and resolved

What can we discuss in a family council?

Moving, household chores, financial issues and college planning are just a few ideas that could be discussed in a family council.

Over a recent school break, I struggled with enforcing rules and being consistent with discipline. I turned to the family council. Because the council was a discussion about discipline rather than a lecture, my kids were engaged. After voting on rules and consequences, we posted them for future reference. Now I no longer feel like a police officer in my home. Instead me and my husband and our children, are checking our behavior against the mutually agreed upon family rules. Our home has become more peaceful as a result of our "all for one, one for all" changes.

How do we get started?

It's easier than you might think to start holding family councils.

• Choose a time and place where everyone is able to meaningfully engage.

• Come with a specific question or problem in mind.

• Employ democratic principles as you work toward a consensus.

• Follow up by holding another family council at an agreed upon date and time.

Josh is a father of four who needed to know how his kids felt about a family vacation. He gathered his family on a Sunday night when all the children were at home. Everyone suggested a vacation destination. Notes were taken and assignments given to research costs and bring back information for the next council. In the interim, Josh helped the children find information online about their destinations of choice.

At the next council, everyone voted and after some discussion a consensus was reached. Next, they discussed activities to participate in while on the vacation. Again assignments were made, information was gathered and reported and a vote was held. Josh was surprised that his children didn't want to spend a whole week at a particular amusement park. His children were interested in variety, but also down time. Had Josh decided unilaterally on a family vacation location and agenda instead of counseling with his wife and children, their family vacation could have been less successful.

By holding family councils you'll create your own band of musketeers. Cooperation will increase as you unify around a common goal, get buy-in from family members on decisions that affect everyone and share the responsibility of creating a happy home.

The post What the Three Musketeers and family councils have in common appeared first on FamilyToday.

Job was no ordinary man. God the Father acknowledged Job's righteousness saying, "There is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man"Job's integrity, patience, meekness and obedience all testify of his greatness, but it is Job's grateful heart that stands out to me.

Bad news is brought to Job like ocean waves falling in succession. All of his 500 yoke of oxen, his 500 asses and his 3,000 camels are stolen. His 7,000 sheep are burned by fire. Several servants are killed. Following these calamities, Job learns that all his children, seven sons and three daughters, have died by a force of nature. Immediately Job falls down upon the ground, and offers a prayer of gratitude. A prayer of gratitude! Job thanks God uttering these now famous words: "The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away: blessed be the name of the Lord."

As if these material trials aren't enough, Job's physical body is attacked and boils, puss filled blisters, break out over Job's body. Satan believes Job will curse God. Job's wife taunts him to do so. Job's friends, three miserable comforters, rebuff him. But Job does not yield exclaiming, "I know that my Redeemer liveth."¯ No cynicism. No bitterness. No anger. Only testimony that God knows who Job is, what he is experiencing and that in time, during his lifetime or following his death, God will bless him.

Having been proved faithful, Job is blessed by God with doubling of property and possessions. If Job had not received a portion of blessings equaling his losses, would he still have been grateful in his want? Yes! Here are suggestions for possessing a grateful heart.

Practice saying thank you

Job's gratitude surely is the result of a lifetime of being grateful. Saying thank you when someone passes the salt, sweeps the sidewalks, makes the bed or lends a hand gets us in the habit of gratitude. If you've fallen out of the habit, it's never too late to begin saying thank you.

Pray

Job was wealthy but not caught up in his wealth because he recognized where it came from. "Naked came I out of my mother's womb and naked shall I return thither." Prayer helps us remember the eternal truth that God is the source of our blessings.

Avoid online comparisons

Gratitude, or happiness for that matter, should not depend on how much we have compared to another. Social media makes it so easy for people to flaunt their positions and possessions. If social media comparisons are hurting your soul, causing you to envy, log off, de-friend and disengage. You won't regret it. Sarah Ban Breathnach asks, "How many of us go through our days parched and empty, thirsting after happiness, when we're really standing knee-deep in the river of abundance? Choose to quench our thirst for the 'good life' we think others lead by acknowledging the good that already exists in our own."

Cherish simple gifts

Often the simplest things mean the most: a parking spot right up front for an expectant mother, a comfortable chair for someone suffering from back pain, finding a coupon for the most expensive item on our grocery list, a good Samaritan opening the door when our arms are holding a wiggly child or a hug just at the right moment. If you need a jumping off point, flip through 14,000 Things to be Happy About for some quirky ideas. Cherish the simple gifts around you and your heart will swell with gratitude.

Celebrate the success of others

Charlie Brown had it rough. Lucy always pulled the football out from under his punt, he got rocks instead of candy on Halloween and he wasn't invited to parties. But you never get the sense that this adorable Charles Schulz character was angry at those around him. Be happy for others and you'll feel happy too.

Take note of blessings

Jotting down three-five blessings in a gratitude journal every night before bed grounds us. "When we do a mental and spiritual inventory of all that we have, we realize that we are very rich indeed."¯ Simple Abundance

Job's greatness is found in his grateful heart. Gratitude can be our greatest strength if we practice it daily.

The post Job’s grateful heart appeared first on FamilyToday.