Amy Rothermel – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Tue, 08 Nov 2022 15:53:42 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Amy Rothermel – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 Divorce can hurt even grown children: 5 irrecoverable effects https://www.familytoday.com/family/divorce-can-hurt-even-grown-children-5-irrecoverable-effects/ Tue, 09 Jan 2018 00:12:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/divorce-can-hurt-even-grown-children-5-irrecoverable-effects/ Divorcing when your kids are adults might be the right choice for you- but that doesn't mean you can assume…

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Divorce is hard on kids. We all know the effects it has on young children, but tend to forget how it can affect adult children.

It turns out that divorce can have an adverse effect on them, too. If your kids are grown and you're considering a divorce, you should be aware of the potential impact so you can address it. And since gray divorce rates are on the rise, it's important for parents to understand the irrecoverable damage their divorce can do if they're not careful.

#1: They know how it will complicate their lives

The first thing to consider is that adult children know how your divorce will complicate their lives. They may already be juggling a lot of things, including splitting holidays between you and their in-laws and managing their kids' activities and events.

A divorce means that they may be staring down yet another complication. When it's your family's turn to spend Thanksgiving together, are they going to have to choose between the two of you? Does it mean they'll only see you half as often?

If your adult children are already feeling stressed, the thought of a divorce can be truly overwhelming to them.

#2: They may feel pressured to take sides

Responsible parents don't put young kids in the middle of a divorce, but they may not exercise the same caution with adult kids.

It's not a good idea to divulge too many details about your divorce to your kids. It's okay to tell them small details, but they shouldn't know everything. If you were to tell them, you could put them in a horrible position. What happens between you and your spouse is (and should be) private.

If you do overshare, you may find that your children resent you for it. It might do irreparable damage to all your familial relationships. If you're tempted to confide in them, ask yourself if it's worth the potential fallout.

#3: They may feel lasting confusion and doubt

When a marriage lasts until the children are adults, there's a feeling of relaxation that happens. Your kids may assume that because you made it this long, you'll be together until one of you dies.

An announcement of impending divorce can be unsettling to adult children. They have looked at your relationship as a touchstone their entire lives. When it ends, it can make them feel like they're standing in quicksand.

They may find themselves questioning everything, including their own marriage or relationships. Your marriage was the bedrock of their emotional landscape. When it ends, it's natural for them to feel unmoored and uncertain- and those feelings can be difficult to shake.

#4: You hurt them when you hurt each other

Once you've decided to end your marriage, it may feel natural to crack jokes about your soon-to-be-ex and even sharpen your wit when you talk about what made you get divorced.

However, you should keep in mind that those cutting comments can do lasting damage to your kids. They're probably feeling angry and confused, and if you start cracking wise jokes about their other parent, they won't thank you for it. In fact, they might direct their anger at you.

Save those comments for your friends. The best thing you can do for your kids is to stay gracious when discussing your ex. If you can't do that, then it's best to not talk about them at all. It's the ideal way to stay on an even keel with your kids and avoid making things worse (and more painful) than they already are.

#5: They'll worry about you

Perhaps the most insidious effect that divorce has on adult children is that it makes them worry about your future. They may be prepared to serve as your caretaker one day, but they probably also had some expectation that the two of you would be able to help one another.

Your divorce means that you won't be helping each other. In the long-term, your decision might mean that a greater burden than expected falls on your kids. If you're living alone and need care, they may have to find it for you.

It's important to be compassionate about the future. You may be making the decision that's best for you, but it can be harmful to act as though your decision won't affect your children.

Divorcing when your kids are adults might be the right choice for you individually- but that doesn't mean you can assume that it won't affect your children. Taking a compassionate and understanding approach can help them get through it without any lasting damage.

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These are the most depressed countries in the world (Do you live in one of them?) https://www.familytoday.com/self-care/these-are-the-most-depressed-countries-in-the-world-do-you-live-in-one-of-them/ Thu, 28 Dec 2017 10:20:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/these-are-the-most-depressed-countries-in-the-world-do-you-live-in-one-of-them/ Depression is common all over the world. Which countries have more people with depression, and do you live in one…

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We might not talk about it as much as we do other diseases, but depression is one of the most common diseases in the world. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), more than 300 million people worldwide live with depression.

Depression doesn't care where you live - and yet some countries have more people with depression than others. So, which countries have the most depression, and do you live in one of them?

India

The country with the largest percentage of people with depression is India. The WHO says that 56 million Indians suffer from depression and an additional 38 million have anxiety disorders.

Depression gets worse if not treated, and that may explain why India leads this list. The country has a shortage of qualified mental health professionals. Also, the persistent social stigmas toward mental illness likely prevents some of those affected from seeking treatment.

China

China is another large country with a significant mental health issue. Depression leads the way, but there are also large numbers of people who struggle to cope with anxiety and other disorders.

In some ways, China's problem with depression is like India's. The country spends only 2.35 percent of its budget on mental health and only 15 percent of its citizens have health insurance that plays for psychiatric care.

Here, too, social stigma is an issue. The WHO estimates that 91.8 percent of all Chinese people with a mental disorder such as depression will never seek help for their condition.

United States

The United States is still struggling to get past outdated ideas and stigmas about mental illness, which might explain by many people here don't seek treatment for depression.

The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 16.1 million people age 18 or older have major depression in the United States. That translates to 6.7 percent of the adult population.

The depression problem in the U.S. is compounded by the fact that in 4,000 areas identified by Mental Health America, there is a shortage of mental health professionals. While social stigma is not as strong in the U.S. as it is in India and China, there is still a tendency to believe that people with depression should be able to get over it without help.

Brazil

Approximately 4.4 percent of the adult population in Brazil has depression, putting it above the world average and giving Brazil the highest incidence of depression in Latin America. Depression affects more Brazilian women than Brazilian men.

In addition to depression, Brazil has a high percentage of people with anxiety disorders. And yet, ironically, it also was named the 22nd happiest country in the world, according to the World Happiness Report.

Indonesia

In Indonesia, approximately 3.7 percent of the population, or nine million people, suffer from depression. When those numbers are expanded to include anxiety, they increase to 6 percent of the population over age 15.

Here, as in the other countries we've mentioned, there is a shortage of mental health professionals to treat people who need assistance. Likewise, the social stigma against seeking psychiatric help gets in the way of treatment for some of those who need it most.

Russia

People from Russia have a reputation for being melancholy, and it turns out they have a predisposition toward depression too. According to the World Health Organization, 5.5 percent of its population has depression.

Perhaps not surprisingly, suicide has been a serious issue in Russia too. As of 2012, the country's rate of teenage suicide was three times higher than the world average. There is a heavy correlation between depression, alcoholism and suicide.

Pakistan

In Pakistan, reports say that one-third of the population suffers from stress, depression or anxiety. However, these diseases are difficult to track due to the lack of reporting.

Part of the problem is that Pakistan has only 750 trained psychiatrists. That translates to one doctor for every 10,000 patients with a mental disorder - a serious shortage.

What can we do about depression?

Clearly, there's a global problem with depression. If you think you might have a problem with depression, the best thing to do is talk to your doctor about it. There is help available, and you don't need to suffer alone.

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8 common medicines that could kill you (you have them in your house) https://www.familytoday.com/self-care/8-common-medicines-that-could-kill-you-you-have-them-in-your-house/ Tue, 17 Oct 2017 04:33:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/8-common-medicines-that-could-kill-you-you-have-them-in-your-house/ When people hear of someone overdosing, we assume illegal or prescription drugs were probably involved ... but that's not always…

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The danger of overdosing on common over-the-counter (OTC) drugs is a more significant problem that many people realize.

Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (aka NSAIDs) are great for headaches but if not taken as directed, can lead to acute gastrointestinal bleeding, ulcers, and death.

According to a report by the National Center for Biotechnology Information, for the U.S. National Library of Medicine, NSAIDs are known to hospitalize over 100,000 people each year. Overdoses, incorrect usage or dosing and accidental mixing with other drugs cause the deaths of over 16,000 people every year, in the US alone.

Keep yourself and your family safe by knowing which OTC drugs to be careful with:

1. Advil

Ibuprofen is the first of the NSAID's found on our list. While recommended by doctors for treating headaches, muscle aches, back aches, menstrual pain, minor arthritis and other joint pain, make sure you're following the dosage directions.

Ibuprofen overdosing can lead to symptoms like shallow breathing, fainting, nausea and vomiting, stomach ache, drowsiness, bloody stools, liver damage and coma. There's also a high risk of overdosing unknowingly by taking Advil when you've already taken another medicine (like cold medicine that has ibuprofen as an ingredient).

2. Aleve

Also in the NSAID category, Naproxen is the key ingredient found in Aleve. While two a day will keep you pain-free all day long, excessive use can lead to heart damage.

Naproxen works more slowly than ibuprofen but, as advertised, can offer up to 12 hours of relief with one dose. If you are taking them regularly, talk to your healthcare provider to find out what other meds to avoid. The Aleve website also cautions to not take Aleve for 10 consecutive days.

Symptoms of a Naproxen overdose include bleeding under the skin, muscle tremors, lethargy, restlessness, or confusion and other sever symptoms.

3. Aspercreme

Lidocaine is the key ingredient that provides local topical pain relief. While it's difficult to overdose on a topical cream, excessive (or improper) usecan causeirregular heartbeats, breathing difficulty, seizures, and even coma.

Other commonly used brand name(s) with lidocaine include Anestacon, Burnamycin, Lida Mantle, Lidoderm, Solarcaine Cool Aloe, Solarcaine First Aid Lidocaine Spray, Topicaine, and Xylocaine.

4. Aspirin

Even if an aspirin a day "keeps the doctor away," you need to make sure you're not overdosing accidentally.

Aspirin poisoning can start with tinnitus (ringing in your ears), and impaired hearing then moves on to hyperventilation, vomiting, dehydration, fever, double vision, feelings of faintness, coma and death.

5. Cough Syrup

Dextromethorphan is the main ingredient in most cough medicines. Extreme doses can induce a hallucinogenic state, making it an inexpensive and easily obtainable way for teenagers to get high (and overdose).

Other symptoms of overdosing are blurred vision, confusion, dizziness, drowsiness, severe nausea and vomiting, unsteadiness, reduces breathing rate, severe excitement or nervousness.

6. Epsom Salts

These salts make for a soothing bath to soak sore and aching muscles, but also can be used as an FDA-approved laxative (thanks to the magnesium sulfate).

But, be aware. High doses will cause ruptures to the intestinal walls that can lead to infection. The salts may also combine dangerously with other things you've consumed, including coffee.

Overdose symptoms can also include extreme drowsiness, fainting, flushed skin, feeling overheated, nausea or vomiting.

If you think Epsom Salt may be something you'd like to try, check with your doctor to see if anything else you are taking may cause an adverse effect.

7. Midol

Acetaminophen, your once-a-month best friend, has the same active ingredient found in Tylenol. Like Aspirin, this one can also lead to severe side effects and even death if combined with other doses or if taken too much (or too often).

8. Tylenol

This favorite OTC pain and fever reducer contains the active ingredient Acetaminophen, which is found in many other cold and flu OTC formulas ... making it easily to accidentally overdose.

For instance, if you take Tylenol for a headache, then a multi-symptom cold medicine for your other issues, you'll be well past the maximum dosage. Continue this for an extended period and you could end up with more pain, or even death.

The initial symptoms of an acetaminophen overdose include loss of appetite, nausea, and vomiting, stomach aches, confusion, weakness, and sweating. Continued symptoms include dark urine, yellowing of your skin and yellowing of the whites of your eyes.

Take the proper precautions

Overall, when taken correctly, each of these medicines can make your quality of life much better, but, please make sure you check labels to see what the active ingredients are. This simple step will help to ensure you don't end up accidentally poisoning yourself, or worse. When in doubt, talk to your doctor.

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This is what really happens to your brain when you are emotionally abused by your partner https://www.familytoday.com/family/this-is-what-really-happens-to-your-brain-when-you-are-emotionally-abused-by-your-partner/ Fri, 29 Sep 2017 14:20:20 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/this-is-what-really-happens-to-your-brain-when-you-are-emotionally-abused-by-your-partner/ No one deserves emotional abuse regardless of the length of any relationship. Emotional abuse can leave behind psychological scars that…

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Emotional abuse can be more harmful than physical abuse. Wounds from physical abuse begin to heal over time. However, the feelings and memories from emotional abuse can have traumatic effects on a person's mindset. These effects can last a long time and take much longer to heal.

Being emotionally abused can be detrimental to many aspects of your mind and body. Emotional abuse has to do with your partner saying things that belittle and disrespect you on a regular basis. You may have done nothing wrong, and he or she continues to make you feel less than good enough. This behavior can cause a great amount of stress on you and how you feel about yourself.

Sometimes, unfortunately, victims of emotional abuse feel as though they cannot defend themselves and continue to endure the abuse. Physically speaking, it can do a number on your brain, which leads to a variety of psychological problems. This is what really happens to your brain when your partner emotionally abuses you:

Damage to the hippocampus

Emotional abuse can cause a great amount of stress on you. Your body reacts to stress by releasing the stress hormone, cortisol; this hormone can damage and reduce the function of the hippocampus. This area of the brain is associated with learning and memory. Once this is damaged, you can experience conditions such as:

Changes in somatosensory cortex

The somatosensory cortex is responsible for processing physical sensations as well as perception throughout the body. This means when we do not necessarily know how to store memories and learned processes, our brain will automatically do it for us. Victims of sexual abuse may commonly express "blocking out" the experiences because they do not want to re-live the experience. When emotionally abused, the somatosensory cortex is unable to send these signals to the brain for memory recollection. This is because you cannot process emotions and are less self-aware.

Lack of connection between right and left

The connection between the right and left brain are important in maintaining a good balance of emotional well-being. If you feel bullied by your partner, this can prevent your right side of your brain from connecting with your left side of your brain. Thus, this disconnect can lead to the following:

  • Anger

  • Anxiety

  • Depression

  • Hostility

  • Risk for drug abuse

If your partner is emotionally abusing you, he or she is causing your brain to decrease its ability to work at its optimal level. It's so occupied with protecting itself against the emotional overload of stress and feelings that it cannot perform well in its own capacity. Even after the experience is gone, it can leave your brain so weak that it can't function properly.

How you can recover

Not all hope is lost, though. Our bodies and cells have such a unique way of reproducing and rejuvenating themselves. This includes one of your most key organs: your brain. With the right therapy and support, our brains can recover from some of the most traumatic experiences. Emotional nourishment is important to help a brain that has sustained any emotional abuse. Some effective ways that you can help your brain rebuild its strength are through a variety of positive therapies such as:

  • Learning coping mechanisms

  • Exercise

  • Meditation

  • Time spent with family and friends

  • Separation from negativity and negative people

  • Self-care

Just because you are a victim of emotional abuse doesn't mean you cannot take your life back. You should never allow someone else to dictate who you are or who you should be. A relationship is about two people who love and respect one another. It also does not mean that you should end your relationship immediately.

If you really want to see the relationship work and know that your partner would be willing to listen and work on it, then there is still hope for the relationship. Seeking therapy and having open lines of communication can greatly benefit the relationship. Each situation will always be different, so evaluate yours carefully.

When dealing with stress, the brain is forced to send signals to particular areas to "fight" and defend you. But, when it's overloaded with stress, it can inadvertently send the wrong signals or none at all. No one deserves emotional abuse regardless of the length of any relationship. Emotional abuse can leave behind psychological scars that may never fully heal. As it affects the brain, you lose your ability to be more self-aware and react to stress-inducing situations.

If you are or know someone who is in an emotionally abusive relationship, seek help immediately. No one deserves to be treated that way. Every person deserves love and respect, all at the same time.

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9 tricks to find out if your spouse is lying to you about something https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/9-tricks-to-find-out-if-your-spouse-is-lying-to-you-about-something/ Wed, 09 Aug 2017 15:18:18 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/9-tricks-to-find-out-if-your-spouse-is-lying-to-you-about-something/ Lying is an incredibly common behavior, including between spouses. If you suspect your spouse is lying to you, look for…

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Dishonesty is detrimental for relationships. When people lie to one another, it might be because they're trying to protect the other person from getting hurt OR they might have their own selfish motives.

It's sometimes hard to determine the why behind the lie. At birth, people are innately honest, but it doesn't take long to learn how to lie. From little white lies to deep dark secrets, lies can change relationships forever.

If you think your spouse is lying to you, try these well-known tricks to help you figure out if your suspicions are correct.

1. They skimp on the details

Liars tend to leave out some critical details when it comes to storytelling. If someone were telling the truth, he or she might mention what the weather was like during that day or what time of the day it was. You can tell your spouse is lying if he or she leaves out these small, but truth-validating details.

2. They apologize for forgetting things

People who are telling the truth lived the experience they are trying to tell. Usually when they tell the story and retell it later the details are the same, and they do not apologize for not remembering any moments.

3. They contradict themselves

If he or she says one thing but says or does something to that completely contradictory, this is another sign of lying. For instance, your spouse could say he or she stopped at the gas station on 4th street on the way home. Perhaps they told you it only took 5 minutes to get there from the last location mentioned, but you know it takes longer than that.

4. They're vague with details

Vagueness to a story indicates lying because it requires too much work to concoct an entire, detail-specific scenario. Stories that are true tend to have a lot of details.

5. They think too hard

If you ask your spouse a question and he or she has a hard time answering or has to think about it for too long, then he or she is most likely lying to you.

When it comes to the truth, people have are pretty good at recalling what happened (from their perspective). Of course, people forget facts when telling the truth too, but it doesn't usually require thinking so hard that it makes you suspicious.

6. They act nervous or tense

Be aware if they are acting nervous or tense. Usually, people telling the truth aren't as nervous because they don't have to make up a lie.

Those who are lying tend to be fidgety or anxious. Their heart races because they're nervous others will discover the lie.

7. They are defensive

Does your spouse become overly defensive when you gently confront them? It's natural to be defensive when you're accused of something, but if they are overly defensive and angry it might be a sign something is off.

8. They blame you

People who lie attempt to turn blame on those who are accusing them of lying. This tactic is their way of removing themselves from the hot seat and making others feel guilty of suspecting them of lying.

9. They don't look you in the eyes

Body language reveals a load of messages. If your spouse has a hard time looking you in the eye, there is a good chance that he or she is lying to you. People who tell the truth can typically keep consistent eye contact. Someone who is lying may look around, at the floor or anywhere else due to fear of being exposed.

If lying is a consistent problem in your relationship, speak up and make tell your spouse how that makes you feel. If they're willing to listen and make changes, they might be able to prove that they want to make the relationship work. However, if they refuse and continue to exhibit these behaviors, you may want to consider seeking professional help.

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You cannot be a truly mentally healthy person WITHOUT this overlooked factor https://www.familytoday.com/self-care/you-cannot-be-a-truly-mentally-healthy-person-without-this-overlooked-factor/ Fri, 21 Jul 2017 10:25:11 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/you-cannot-be-a-truly-mentally-healthy-person-without-this-overlooked-factor/ Yoga and meditation won't fix it all.

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Are you really what you eat? It might sound cliché, but if you look at it from the perspective of mental health, it's actually true.

Your brain is always switched on and managing your thoughts and movements, even when you're sleeping. As a result, the "fuel" or food you consume to power your brain has an impact on how it performs.

There's a growing body of evidence suggesting that what we consume (and what we don't) can affect how we feel.

We already know that red and processed meats are associated with diseases like diabetes and heart disease. But over the past few years, researchers have found that these meats can play a part in mental health problems like anxiety and depression.

When is your brain functioning at its best?

Your brain functions at the peak of its abilities when you're consuming healthy food that contains antioxidants, minerals and vitamins.

If you have these in your system, your brain stays safe from oxidative stress that can damage cells.

At the same time, your brain can get damaged if you ingest the wrong substances like processed foods and food that's high in refined sugar. Not only does this worsen insulin regulation, but it also causes inflammation and oxidative stress.

What Does the Research Say?

Studies have consistently found a correlation between high refined sugars and impaired brain function, including mood disorders. 95 percent of serotonin is produced in the gastrointestinal tract, and it's lined with a 100 million neurons. When there are no good bacteria in your intestinal microbiome, you can expect to have problems with your appetite, sleep and mood.

Studies have found that when people take probiotics, their perception of stress, anxiety levels and general mental health improve when compared to those who don't take probiotics.

Studies have also found that those on traditional Japanese and Mediterranean diets were at a much lower risk of depression when compared to people on standard western diets.

So what does this mean?

You might find it hard to believe that good bacteria can have such an impact on your life, but it does. So if you're looking to make a change, start by paying attention to how different types of food make you feel.

Don't just pay attention to what you're feeling right after you eat, but observe how you feel the next day. Then, try a healthy diet for two to three weeks.

Start by cutting out processed foods and sugars. It might also be a good idea to go dairy-free. Once you've completed the clean living period, slowly introduce your old favorites back into your diet and see how you feel after eating them, one by one.

This should be enough to convince you that eating healthy has an enormous impact on you, physically and emotionally.

Even if you're not completely convinced, you have nothing to lose. You can always go back to the food you know and love if you don't see positive results.

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8 essential health and fitness tips for busy moms https://www.familytoday.com/self-care/8-essential-health-and-fitness-tips-for-busy-moms/ Tue, 31 Jan 2017 06:30:06 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/8-essential-health-and-fitness-tips-for-busy-moms/ It's often difficult for moms to find time to take care of themselves.

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Moms are always super busy. Whether it's carpooling, laundry, work, or driving the kids to the soccer game, the list of things to do can be endless. With all this going on, it can feel overwhelming to add a workout to the list.

But it doesn't have to be as you can easily squeeze one or more of these tips into your routine. What's great is that it'll have a positive impact on your health and happiness in a short space of time.

1. Schedule your workouts

When you're juggling multiple responsibilities, planning will be essential. To make sure that you have enough time allotted for your workout, pencil it in on a calendar.

If you're going to wait for the perfect moment to start, it will never happen. So, plan ahead and make health and fitness a part of your lifestyle.

2. Indulge your muscles

If you get hurt, it can result in chaos for the family. So, make sure that you pamper your muscles before and after every workout.

You can start each workout by doing stretches to get your muscles ready. After a workout, you can take a nice relaxing bath to help your muscles cool down and relax.

3. Bathroom exercises

Doing some exercises in the bathroom may sound silly, but it can be a great opportunity to do a set number of exercises when you use the bathroom.

You can break them down like 20 calf raises on the first trip, 10 squats on the next, then maybe 30 jumping jacks, and so on.

If you follow this pattern each time you go to the bathroom, you will definitely start seeing results over a short period of time.

4. Mow the lawn

If you have a yard, someone will have to mow it. It might as well be you as pushing and pulling a mower for an hour can do more for your thighs than some exercises.

By the end of your workout, you'll also have a beautiful lawn.

5. Exercise at the playground

If you're already spending a lot of time at the playground, you can quickly get through a ton of exercises while your kids are busy having fun.

It can be as simple as walking the parameter of the playground, or taking an opportunity to work with a light set of dumbbells while you're watching the kids.

6. Workout while you sit

Let's face it, driving the kids around or being stuck behind a desk at work involves a lot of sitting. But that doesn't mean you can't get some exercise in.

During this time, you can do some squeeze and hold exercises to tighten your muscles.

7. Pack your lunch

Making your own food will go a long way to keeping you healthy. You're already feeding your kids healthy food, so what about you?

When you're packing a healthy lunch for your kids, make sure that you do the same for yourself.

8. Supplement your diet

As you start packing your own lunch, try to supplement your diet with amino acids, proteins, minerals and vitamins.

Seek out vitamins that have been specifically designed for women in your age group. If you don't have time, there are plenty of healthy shakes, supplemental pills and nutrition bars as well.

Exercising and eating healthy is a great way to enhance your overall health.

If you incorporate some of these tips into your busy life, you will certainly start to feel the difference in a few weeks.

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5 keys to optimistic thinking https://www.familytoday.com/self-care/5-keys-to-optimistic-thinking/ Wed, 16 Nov 2016 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-keys-to-optimistic-thinking/ Learning to become more optimistic can be challenging but these 5 keys to optimistic thinking can help you make positive…

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Aside from feeling more confident, happier and less anxious, numerous studies show optimistic people also tend to have better health and live longer.

Unfortunately, thought patterns develop over time and become habits - and just like habits (even when they're unrealistic or even harmful) they can be hard to change. So how can someone break free from a cycle of negative, destructive thoughts?

Although it may take some time and determination, here are five keys to optimistic thinking that can help you start to see the world in a new (and more positive) light:

1. Practice optimistic thinking

Perhaps the first step toward optimism is creating new ways of thinking. It may seem difficult at first, but trying to notice the good in the world (and in yourself) will help develop optimism.

  • Write down three good things at the end of every day

In a famous positive psychology study, participants who wrote down three good things (and an explanation of what caused them at the end of every day) for a week became happier. Most notably, those positive feelings lasted for six months even after they stopped journaling.

This exercise is so powerful; it can even help people who are struggling with addictions to drugs and alcohol recovery. There's often a link between other mental disorders like depression and anxiety and substance abuse, so developing optimistic thinking can help prevent relapse.

  • Practice gratitude

Feeling grateful is connected with overall happiness and wellbeing. Studies consistently show people become happier when they write about what they're thankful for.

By focusing on the things you appreciate (even if they're small) you bring your attention to the good things in life and create more optimistic thought patterns.

  • Use affirmations

Retraining your brain to think positively may seem almost unnatural at first. Most people have spent years telling themselves they aren't good enough. To retrain your mind and change your outlook, try saying some positive affirmations like "I am optimistic" or "my life is always improving".

2. Challenge pessimism and negative thoughts

Aside from developing new thought patterns, you also need to challenge the old ones. Pessimism only sees one side of the story. If you think something bad will happen, you may even act in ways that actually prevent good things from happening.

  • Analyze your negative thoughts when they arise

Keep track of your negative thoughts and challenge them - if you start to doubt your abilities or think nothing good can come from a situation, ask yourself these questions:

  1. What evidence supports or contradicts my negative thoughts?

  2. Is something from my past clouding my judgment?

  3. Is there another way of viewing the situation?

  4. Create a new narrative or alternative outcome

After analyzing your thoughts, find other possible ways of thinking.

  1. What would someone who is optimistic think?

  2. What are the worst and best outcomes?

  3. Does this really matter in the long run?

3. Focus on reality and the present

Your emotions are your reality, but that's just part of the picture. Many people invent their own stories and narratives about what might happen and what others are thinking. Nothing is set in stone, so instead of letting your mind wander down these paths, ground yourself in the present.

Focus on breathing, spoken chants or slow movements in exercises (like meditation, yoga, or tai chi) to draw your attention away from your thoughts to focus on the present. This will help clear your mind so you can banish negative thoughts when they arise.

4. Surround yourself with optimistic people

It can be difficult to develop optimism if you're always around negative people.

If you have optimistic friends, spend more time with them. Find a role model, someone who inspires you and try to incorporate some of their positivity into your own thought patterns. You can also read about people who have made positive changes in the world or who have been particularly optimistic.

5. Take action

Changing your thought process is one thing, but it's also important to act in ways that encourage optimistic thought.

  • Smile at people when you're walking around your workplace or down the street. Although it might seem awkward at first, over time it becomes more natural and wires your brain for positivity.

  • Set goals, big and small. It takes a while to meet long-term goals, which may be discouraging. However, if you set small goals and make them, you'll start to feel more confident and realize you really can achieve those hard to reach goals.

  • Take on responsibility. The knowledge others are depending on you can help motivate you to act and accomplish things for the good of the group.

  • Volunteer. Helping others and giving back to the world in some way helps cultivate a sense of optimism as you start to bring about positive changes.

Becoming optimistic is a journey, but if you start following even one of these five keys to optimistic thinking, you'll begin to notice a change. At the same time, learning to break free from pessimism comes more easily to some than others.

Negative thinking usually stems from something that's happened in the past, which may require professional help to really understand and overcome. If you have trouble improving your outlook on your own or have had a traumatic past, a professional therapist may be better able to help you develop positive thinking strategies.

The post 5 keys to optimistic thinking appeared first on FamilyToday.

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5 reasons you should always sincerely apologize (even if you were right) https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-reasons-you-should-always-sincerely-apologize-even-if-you-were-right/ Fri, 11 Nov 2016 14:15:28 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-reasons-you-should-always-sincerely-apologize-even-if-you-were-right/ Do you ever wonder why people apologize? This post explains the true value of a sincere apology for repairing relationships.

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Apologizing is an important action that can set a damaged relationship on the path to healing. Often in the heat of the moment, we can say and do things that hurt the people around us. After the fact, we may come to our senses and realize an apology is in order.

That said, there's still a big difference between apologizing because you need to, and apologizing because you believe you made a mistake.

Here are the real values of a sincere apology:

Just saying you're sorry

Saying you're sorry (even if you aren't being sincere) can have a big impact on others.

Here's how:

It builds trust

Recent research has shown that a "superfluous apology," such as acknowledging adversity and expressing regret for things outside of our control, actually helps build trust.

For example, saying, "Sorry about the weather" to your cousin at her rained-out wedding doesn't mean the weather is your fault, but she will appreciate the time you took to notice her misfortune and sympathize with her.

It guides social conduct

Breaking rules of social conduct (such as cutting in line), happens all the time. Apologizing when you do break them demonstrates that you agree this kind of behavior isn't acceptable. This act also enforces the importance of these rules for others.

It creates an opportunity for healing

Even if an apology isn't sincere, it can open doors. Apologizing gives a person back their dignity, helps boh of you feel better and gives you an opportunity to start repairing the relationship.

Words without meaning

Given those points above, it might seem like sincerity isn't necessary, but insincere apologies have negative consequences as well.

People are regularly pressured into apologizing for things they don't feel guilty about. Forced apologies can lead to negative feelings such as humiliation and resentment. Apologizing carelessly can often leave you with an even more strained relationship than not apologizing.

At the same time, most people have a pretty good ear for insincerity, and a bland apology could make a person more angry and hurt than they were before.

And lastly, delivering an insincere apology and being forgiven time and time again can lead to a false sense of security about your actions. Apologizing without recognizing your negative actions doesn't mean you'll learn from the mistake and not repeat the same behavior in the future.

The goal: achieving forgiveness

Recent research in psychology has found that apologies don't go as far as many people think. People expect that receiving an apology will help them feel better, but are often surprised at how little the actual apology does to fix the violation of trust.

In the end, it is vital to understand that apologizing isn't the only thing a broken relationship needs to start mending. But a whole-hearted apology or explanation for your actions can go a long way in emotional processing.

A sincere apology demonstrates to others that you're not happy with your actions, and you want to make necessary changes in yourself to do better. It also shows that you care about others' feelings, which is a positive virtue.

Apologizing with genuine remorse is your best bet to being forgiven. And forgivness should be your goal that will put your relationship back on track.

What impact do you think a sincere apology can have on strained relationships?

The post 5 reasons you should always sincerely apologize (even if you were right) appeared first on FamilyToday.

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7 common myths about drug addiction https://www.familytoday.com/self-care/7-common-myths-about-drug-addiction/ Wed, 08 Jun 2016 06:30:04 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/7-common-myths-about-drug-addiction/ These myths you likely believe harm addicts in their recovery process.

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There are many misconceptions about drug addiction today that affect addicts and how people in society perceive them.

Drug addicts depicted in the movies often follow certain stereotypical behaviors that can lead some real-life users to assume they're not one. At the same time, these stereotypical notions can cause many to see drug addicts in a bad light.

But in the real world, drug addicts are everyday people — somebody's husband, daughter, cousin or friend. Here are seven common myths about drug addiction to help spread awareness about what it's like to live with addiction, and how to recover:

Myth 1: Drug addiction is a choice

It's true that people make the choice to use drugs, but addiction isn't a choice. Prolonged drug use can change your body function and even rewire your brain, making both systems feel like they depend on the drug to survive.

Once this happens, many addicts don't appear to have a choice. That's the distinction between use, misuse, and addiction.

Myth 2: Drug addiction boils down to a character flaw

Drug addiction boils down to a brain disease. Different drugs affect the brain differently, but they can impact mood, memory processes, and even motor skills.

When drug use gets to this point, it can't be attributed to a character flaw. The changes made in the brain can affect all aspects of a person's behavior in ways they can no longer control.

Myth 3: If you don't want drug treatment, it won't work

Luckily, this is a myth, because the vast majority of people who seek drug treatment don't want it.

Most individuals who seek treatment do so because a loved one encouraged them to, or because of a court order. A lot of people were either forced or pressured to seek treatment, but still could benefit from the program and take significant strides to surmount their addiction.

Myth 4: Any person can stop using drugs without treatment

Some people are under the impression that overcoming drug addiction is all about willpower. But in reality, long-term abstinence can be very difficult for an addict to maintain on their own.

The changes in a person's brain function from drug use makes them crave the drugs even more. Many are convinced they'll die without the drug. After use of certain hard drugs, death is a possible withdrawal symptom.

The fact is most people need help to succeed in quitting for good. Seeking treatment in a safe environment is an excellent way to improve your chances of success.

Quote: "

When you can stop you don't want to, and when you want to stop, you can't..." -Luke Davies

Myth 5: Drug addicts can't recover until they hit rock bottom

It's a common misconception that a drug addict will have to reach an ultimate low point in their life before they'll be able to successfully recover.

It is true that some people will need to "hit rock bottom" before seeking treatment, but the term is subjective.

Rock bottom for one person might mean losing someone they care about the most, like a spouse. For another, it could mean losing possessions and becoming homeless. For some, rock bottom means death.

Addicts can start treatment at any time, and all have the potential to see positive results.

Myth 6: If you've tried and failed at recovery before, you'll never succeed

Drug addiction is a chronic disorder. Particularly for doing hard drugs, former addicts can have sudden cravings years after quitting.

People relapse, but that doesn't mean they've failed. Factors such as psychological stress, family issues, or your environment can be strong influencers to start using again.

Drug addicts are most vulnerable during the first few months after release from treatment. But it's always possible to get back on the wagon and try again. Each relapse is a learning experience that can help an addict understand the places and behaviors that are worse for their health.

Myth 7: There's only one way to recover from drug addiction

Treatment facilities often offer very structured addiction recovery programs, which have led some to think that there is only one way to succeed at recovery.

In reality, these structured programs are very personalized, using individual therapy, group therapy, medical treatment, sports and other positive activities to create treatment programs that work best for each individual.

The fact is there is no set way to recover. Each person's psychology and addiction is unique to them and needs personalized attention to overcome.

Be aware of the common misconceptions about addiction, and how they affect an addict and the people around them.

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