Holidays at our house are pretty low-key, until December rolls around. I have always been crazy about Christmas. Growing up, it was truly the most magical time of year when our home and life felt incredibly full. With a large extended family close by, there were parties to go to, service projects to complete, meals to share, gifts to exchange, lights to see, concerts to attend and all the other festivities we could pack in. I loved it.

When we moved far away from family, December was so lonely. The open evenings and empty calendar just made me homesick. I wanted my kids to feel that same intense excitement that I felt growing up, so I started all kinds of new family traditions. We did something every day of December and invited friends and neighbors to join in. While it was a ton of work on my part, it was worth it for the smiles and warmth that it brought to our home. It felt like Christmas again.

When we moved closer to family a few years ago, I was thrilled to celebrate the holidays like we had in the past. All of a sudden there were multiple events every night and so many places to be. I didn't want to let go of our new traditions, so I tried to incorporate them too. It was a delicious whirlwind of cheer.

The next year I did the same, but the novelty had worn off and we were stretched so thin, there was hardly room to enjoy anything. My kids were getting older with lives and obligations of their own, and I found myself exerting serious effort trying to force people to be excited or to make time for "just one more thing." I was disappointed, stressed out and a very grumpy Mrs. Claus.

Vowing to never have my favorite time of year spoiled by busyness again, we decided to trim our traditions. My husband and I sat down and thought about what things were truly important for us to do with our family during December and we made them a priority. They were planned and penned in on the calendar.

Then, we opened the conversation up so the kids could weigh in. I was a little surprised at which things they could do without, what they loved and what they were hoping to add. I must be honest, it was a relief to delete "Christmas Craft" from my December list.

Then, we simplified where we could. We spent a weekend in a hotel downtown and knocked out all the activities we loved in the center of the city. It was a fabulous family weekend. We cut the fluff out of our other favorites but kept the heart of the traditions intact. It made for a much simpler but still memorable time.

I let go of the idea that everyone had to be at everything, and enjoyed some of the kiddie traditions with my youngest while my older kids were at school or sports. I stopped getting my feelings hurt when friends were more important than drinking hot chocolate with a candy cane on a weekend night, and I shrugged off the guilt when we had to say no to what sounded like a great invitation. I realized that change and flexibility can be a really good thing.

And something happened for me last year. Christmas became magical again. It was still full and exciting, but there were quiet moments too. A morning together discussing the Book of Luke; a free evening to pop in a Christmas movie and an afternoon to buy gifts for dad.

There was time to remember what the holiday is really all about, and I gave myself permission to not only be the orchestrator of the moments, but to be a real part of them. My kids were happy to have me present, they didn't miss all the extras one bit, and there was a content feeling throughout the month that had been missing for a few years.

It may seem a bit strange, but by trimming my traditions, I got my Christmas back.

The post Brooke Romney: It’s time to trim your traditions appeared first on FamilyToday.

The other day, my 7th grade son showed me a text from a girl who is a friend. It said, "One a scale of 1-10, how cute am I?"

Luckily, my relationship with my oldest is pretty tight, and he often shares the little and big things going on in his life. He brought me his phone and said, "Read this mom. Seriously, what do I say?"

I said a quick, silent prayer of gratitude that his little heart understood that something about her question was a bit off and he was not prepared to answer it. I told him to say, "You are so much more than a number, so I don't want to play that game." He did, and her reply was something like, "Oh, okay." Maybe a bit deep for 7th grade, but I promise she will thank me later.

This is a favorite in the middle school arena. The idea is to post your cutest possible selfie, then ask your "friends" to rate your hotness on a scale from 1-10. It can be found on Instagram, Snapchat, and through text message.

Can we please encourage our children to stop playing this game? I can just imagine my awkward, middle school self with curly bangs in a denim striped shirt buttoned to the top, taking a picture with amateur make-up, zits and braces, trying desperately to get a photo at the perfect angle so I might look prettier than I ever really was. I can then see myself, with unfounded confidence, posting that picture, only to see numbers roll in from people who are just as insecure as I am. Those are moments you don't forget. What if I went through life thinking I was about a 6? Would I have lived my life like a 6?

Adding insult to injury is the fact that every middle school girl has a "prettier" friend who of course pulls in 9s and 10s. Those superficial ratings become gospel ...regardless of talents, abilities, or intelligence, she is a 9 and you are a 6. The phone said so. Case closed.

If you have a daughter, check her posts, read her texts, talk to her about self-worth and real beauty. Tell her that this game has no place in her world. Discuss the power she can have when she refuses to let others dictate her value. Encourage her to remember her own divinity, to find something she is passionate about and have confidence in her own style, so she doesn't erroneously think that being pretty and having worth go hand in hand. Remind her that basing how she feels about herself on what middle school boys and girls think is positively crazy.

For example, most boys, upon viewing a post like that, will think one of three things:

1. "Hmmm, I don't know. She is better than average, average is a 5. I guess she is probably a 6."

2. "She is kind of a jerk and keeps ignoring me. I'm giving her a 4, doesn't matter how pretty she is."

3. "Yeah, she looks hot. 10 for sure."

Most boys that age really don't THINK seriously about what they say online, and if they are okay equating a girl with a numerical value, they certainly aren't the types of boys who are grounded or mature enough to be trusted.

If you have boys, please tell them to steer clear of games like these. Promise them that this is always a losing situation, regardless of circumstance or age. Remind them that girls are never objects to be rated. They are people, friends, daughters and sisters who will one day be colleagues, spouses, and mothers. Both boys and girls deserve more.

Don't hesitate to tell them what you tell your girls. Boys also need to understand that their worth is not tied to the opinions of their peers.

I know this game can seem harmless compared to what else is out there, but the scary stuff often starts as something much more innocent and innocuous. This longing for approval often leads down much darker roads, as evidenced by this recent TIME magazine article.

A little added respect, self-respect and respect for others, can go a long way, especially during the rough middle school years. One by one, we can teach this generation that they are all so much more than a number.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Brooke Romney's website. It has been republished here with permission.

The post The dangerous game middle schoolers need to stop appeared first on FamilyToday.

Having an eating disorder today would be incredibly easy. Fifteen years ago I got quizzical looks when I refused to eat bread, sugar, salad dressing, cheese or butter, and ordered chicken or fish and steamed vegetables without any seasonings. Now, you can just tell the entire table you are sensitive to certain foods or are following a Paleo diet and people revere you instead of resent you.

Please don't assume that I think healthful changes are bad. That is not at all what I am saying. For the most part, they are incredible. Millions of people have lost weight, healed their bodies, found energy, and conquered harmful habits through special diet and exercise programs. Those with food allergies can find great relief in the proper diet. Health is an amazing blessing and a goal worth sacrificing for.

My problem is, I spent 15 years trying to feel okay about putting butter on my bread and dressing on my salad. I spent 15 years thinking of only what I was or was not going to eat and how I could burn an excessive amount of calories. My life and all conversations revolved around food, exercise, my pant size, and the numbers on the scale. There was very little room in my mind or heart for anything but me ... the way I looked, the way I wanted to look and how I could achieve those unattainable goals.

About 5 years ago I broke free from that obsessive cycle and adopted what FOR ME, is a much healthier lifestyle, both mentally and physically. Could I severely restrict my eating, follow a rigid plan, join a weight loss challenge or spend hours at the gym and perhaps have a much skinnier, cut, toned, or hotter physique? Yes, but for me, the mental toll is not worth it. I look fine and feel great; chasing some physical mirage is not worth my time or energy.

All that being said, I still slip up on both ends of the spectrum. There are days when I eat gummy bears and chips for the majority of my calories or eat more chocolate chips than I care to admit and other days when I become extreme in the opposite way and a little crazily regimented, but those days and weeks are much less often now, and when they happen, I know I can pull myself out.

My relationship with food and exercise boils down to the list below. It is not nutritionist approved or what a trainer would suggest and is more for maintenance (of body and mind) than for weight loss, but it keeps me healthy, happy and consistent, so I thought it was worth sharing ... worth letting you know that thinner isn't always better, that a hot body is not more important than a healthy mind, and that moderation is a beautiful thing.

1. I eat when I am hungry

If I am not hungry for breakfast, I don't eat it. If I am starving at 11 a.m., I eat a big lunch. I listen to my body ... it knows. I don't need a clock to tell me when to eat.

2. I eat mostly real food

When I eat, I go first for fresh vegetables and fruits. I also eat a lot of whole grains, some meat (it is not my favorite), nuts, beans, and a little dairy (also, not my favorite). In addition to that, I eat some white stuff, at least one treat every day, put dressing on salad and think caramelized onions belong on just about everything.

3. I eat almost every meal at home

I am a pretty good cook, so for the most part I would prefer to eat food out of my own kitchen. It saves a lot of money, and I know exactly what is goes into my food. When we go out, I like to make it worth it, so we usually go somewhere I can order something great.

4. I never carry snacks

I know it's all the rage to eat every couple of hours, but my body just doesn't need it. I figure it doesn't hurt me to actually feel hungry, even if it is for an hour or so. I haven't passed out yet.

5. I don't eat fast food or drink soda

It's just not worth it to me any more. However, I will make an exception for In-N-Out, Chick-Fil-A, and a sip of soda every now and then. And good pizza always ... I love it.

6. I eat dinner with my family

Feeling mentally healthy means I eat dinner with my family. Sometimes I am not overly hungry because I ate a big lunch, or sometimes I have made something more hearty for my family of boys than I really need to consume, so I always make a big salad or roast veggies and cut up fruit. I fill my plate with the healthier alternatives, then have a small helping of lasagna or enchiladas or whatever else we are having.

7. Nothing is off limits

I don't have any "bad" foods. I usually make healthy choices, so on the occasion I want to eat nacho cheese Doritos, Alfredo, or dessert at a restaurant, I do, without guilt or remorse.

8. I don't stuff myself

When I had an eating disorder, I turned off all of my natural regulators. I couldn't tell when I was hungry or full or when I had had too much. When I did let myself eat, I would eat until I was sick. Now that my regulators are back, I eat until I have "had sufficient"(phrase credit to Grandma Sue Romney). It never feels like the last time I might eat that week, so I can be sane about my consumption. Of course, I still overeat at times, but when I do, I shake it off and balance it out with a little more vigilance in my future meals.

9. I enjoy food

Luckily, I have a pretty healthy palate. I have loved veggies for as long as I can remember and salads are often my favorite menu item. I try to cook healthy, nourishing things and I enjoy eating them. I also love cooking not so healthy things and enjoy eating them too. I love finding a great new restaurant or frequenting an old hole in the wall. I don't waste calories on food that is not good. Life is too short to eat frozen burritos or only chicken and broccoli.

10. I feed those I love and love to eat with friends

Food is a beautiful way to share your story with someone new. We love having people to dinner to open doors of friendship, and we love experiencing the food and culture of those around us. It makes me incredibly happy that I no longer have to feel anxious about eating with people and no longer have restrictions ... I am open and grateful for their willingness to share their food and kindness with me. Life is about so much more than what I am eating.

11. I weigh myself

This might seem opposite of what you would imagine, but I do step on the scale regularly. It doesn't rule my life, but it does give me a reality check when I need one. The numbers no longer dictate my day or change how I feel about myself, but they are a good reminder to stay moderate.

12. I exercise because I love it

I used to pound the pavement in a desperate attempt to burn calories, but severe asthma has made me rethink exercise. I now do exercise that I don't want to miss ... dance classes, Zumba, yoga, walks with friends, and hikes with my family. No fitbit logging calories, no stress about missing a day, no insanely trying to fit in when it won't, just enjoyment.

13. I choose to be active

I now say yes to movement ... shoveling snow, racing my 4 year old, taking the stairs, learning something new, being outside. Moving is good for the body and soul.

14. I do yoga

Before, yoga seemed like such a waste of time, now, I can't imagine life without it. It centers me, stretches me, and strengthens me. I see progression every week and look forward to the 5 minutes of stillness at the end of every class.

15. I don't care about sizes

Clothing is so irrational. I wear what feels and looks good on me, period. A different size from a different store does not make me feel worthless or exceptional.

16. I've made peace with my less than perfect parts

I'm not an actress and I don't model for a living, so looking the way I do is just fine. I've had 4 babies so, for my shape, a flat stomach is a pipe dream. I choose to continue to enjoy my strength and health. I am grateful every day for my body.

Simple, doable, and moderate.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Brooke Romney Writes. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

The post How moderation became my most successful diet appeared first on FamilyToday.

Parenting is tough stuff, and when you are going at it alone most of the time, it can feel impossible. After my husband graduated with his Master's, he was offered a consulting job that was a great fit for his skill set and his future career goals. The catch was that it would often require Monday-Thursday travel. We had four boys and lived 2,500 miles from family. After a million pro/con lists and hours of prayer, we decided to give it a go.

My three oldest children were 9, 7, and 6, and my baby was one. Mike traveled like this for about 18 months. While the boys' ages made the physical demands a bit easier, it was emotionally challenging because they were old enough to realize that dad wasn't home much. We went into the situation with eyes open, but below are some things we learned along the way. With the world becoming increasingly global, more and more families are in this spot ... hopefully these ideas can ease the strain of having a traveling spouse.

1. Start with a solid foundation

If your marriage is on the rocks or if there are trust issues, a traveling career will most likely exacerbate those insecurities. Don't even think about it unless your marriage is on good footing.

2. Make the traveling decision together

This is crucial. Weigh all the options and decide together if it is the best thing for your career and your family. This makes all the difference during the most difficult times ... you can both look back and remember that you both said you would do this, together.

3. Take time for yourself

If you have the means, don't feel guilty about using a babysitter. Using a babysitter allows you to feel like you are missing out much less often. Find someone you can count on and pay them well. If money is tight, save up for when you really need it. If there is no money at all, trade with someone. You need to have a little time each week for yourself. When I took time during the week to get out, I didn't have such a need to escape when my husband got home. This allowed us to have much needed family time instead of constantly separate parenting time; our kids needed us to all be together as much as possible.

4. Get your grown up time in

I found that more than anything else, I missed having adult conversation when my husband was on the road. So, take all the opportunities during the day that you can to hang out with adults ... play dates, school functions, gym classes, book clubs, etc. Also, if there is someone who is single or has a spouse who works weird hours, do dinner together once a week. It made a huge difference to talk with adults every day.

5. Set up a time to call and connect

This is crucial for the traveling spouse. Encourage the kids to talk and show him/her all their cool stuff every day. This allows everyone to stay connected. Finding the right time for the two of you to talk is also incredibly important. At the end of the day we were both exhausted and distracted, so we decided to chat during my husband's lunch break or while he was in the car. This gave us some uninterrupted talk time when we were both more emotionally available. When we tried to talk too late, it never turned out great. Usually just a quick good night, and we both had to be okay with that.

6. Keep your kids positive and grateful

I tried to never complain to my boys that their dad was gone or missing things. My husband hated not being there and I never wanted them to think he was happy to be missing out. I always tried to remind my kids that their dad was working hard so that I had the opportunity to stay home with them. I wanted to be sure they knew he hated missing out even more than they hated having him gone. Even when I was especially frustrated, I tried to stay positive for them.

7. Plan for the things that matter

Even with traveling jobs, there is often some flexibility for important occasions. Decide together what those are for your family, and have the traveler do his or her best to be home on those dates. Sometimes it just won't happen and that is okay, but at least try. One more tip along these lines, the traveling spouse has to realize how important it is to be home on the weekends. Minimize extras that take him or her away. I was always okay Monday-Thursday, but when it seeped into Friday, started on Sunday or when he had too many individual needs to take care of on Saturday, it made things especially difficult.

8. Make real food

I know this is weird but one of the best/worst things about a traveling spouse is that there is no one to cook for. Lots of times I would feel sick at the end of the week and realize I hadn't really made eating or eating healthy food a priority. A few months in I tried to change that so that we were all eating better food. I would also go out with the kids once a week for a little variety. This worked well since my husband was hoping to have some home cooking after being on the road, and I was happy to have someone home who appreciated the effort I put into a good dinner.

9. Give yourself permission to break down

You are not a bad mom because you can't always do everything and stay happy. You will have bad days. You will cry on the floor. You will miss games for one kid and recitals for another. You will forget due dates for science projects and probably not log as many reading minutes as you had planned to. You will feel like a failure and you will want to call it quits pretty often. One parent cannot do and be everything, and that is okay. Just keep doing your best and know your limits. I knew that after 8 p.m., I was worthless and grumpy, so the rule was everyone needed to ask for everything they needed before then ... that meant bedtime stories, homework help, drinks of water, even hugs ... all of it. After 8, I became a monster.

10. Decide what will happen when the traveler returns home

You might think this will happen naturally, but it doesn't. My husband was always so excited to see me and the kids, he just wanted to be together. I was so excited to be able to have a minute to myself, I just wanted to walk out the door. He, as the one gone all the time, sometimes forgot what it was like to have 4 crazy kids and would be a bit impatient when things didn't go smoothly with the boys. I would be frustrated at his impatience and over parent, making him feel unwanted and like he was ruining our groove. Obviously, this caused more contention than harmony. Once we realized what we both needed and how to meet those needs, things went so much better. All it took was about an hour alone for me so I could recharge and a little preparation and self-awareness on his part ... pretty simple.

11. Take your date nights

It is hard when the traveler hasn't seen the kids much to leave again, but you have to keep your marriage strong ... it is essential to spend good, alone time together when you are away from each other so often, so make it a priority. If you are still feeling guilty, go after the kids are in bed or after a full Saturday together!

12. Talk about sex

This might be uncomfortable, but it is a conversation that you will need to have. Maybe the person home will need a little space, and maybe the one who has been gone will need extra affection. You will be seeing each other much less often, and you have to keep that portion of your relationship alive. You both might have to be a little extra sensitive and be willing to see things through the eyes of your spouse in order to make things work. Don't think it doesn't matter ... it does!

13. Find a safe time to talk about frustrations

One of the hardest things about having a traveling spouse was that while we were both okay, neither one of us enjoyed NOT being together. This would cause some real frustrations on both sides. When my husband was frustrated or especially missing us, he would want to just find a new job, which would put me on edge. When I was frustrated or overly emotional, he would feel guilty about accepting the job in the first place. These types of conversations never ended well. We should have said something like, "I know that this job is what we are supposed to be doing right now, but this part of life is so frustrating. Can we do something to change it or is this something we just need to get through? Is there anything we can do to make it easier?"

14. Ask for help

If you have more than one child, chances are, you will need some assistance. Work out carpools, talk to coaches and teachers, sign up for lessons that are close by, simplify if you can. You will be surprised at how often two things happen at once and how badly everyone needs you at the same time. You will need an extra adult hand at times, so prepare for this...grandparents, neighbors, or friends will hopefully be willing to share their time, love and gas with your family during those emergencies. Be grateful and helpful in return.

The most important thing is to have each other's back. Ideally, your spouse would have a job 5 minutes from home that was low stress, 40 hours per week and paid well. He or she would be able to be at the school for mid-day programs, be able to coach teams, drive one way of the carpool and always be home for dinner, refreshed and willing to help. Life is rarely ideal, but with a little effort, it can be manageable and even enjoyable, most of the time. And, if it is not, keep looking and hold on ... a better fit might be just around the corner!

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Brooke Romney's website. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Making a marriage work with a traveling spouse appeared first on FamilyToday.

Today I lost a friend. She was a widowed mother of two, working full time to provide a life for her son and daughter. She was kind and energetic. She was happy and involved. We chatted as we picked up our boys from each other's houses and exchanged greetings over the back fence. She took my son to the splash pad and I had hers over for movie night. She was a good mom who loved her kids, but now she is gone, and I am left wondering "¦ did she know I was her friend?

I was planning on getting closer to her. I wanted to have her family over for dinner. I thought about stopping by one day to help clean up the house. I meant to ask if I could take her kids so she could have a night off. Once life was a little less busy, I was going to take the time to really get to know her. My best intentions are now all too late.

I hope she had close friends. I hope she wasn't lonely. I hope someone knew about her health problems and was watching out for her. It is incredible that in a world crammed full of people and buzzing with social media connections, so many of us feel all alone. I hope she didn't feel that way. I really wanted to be her friend; I was planning on it, I just hadn't gotten around to it.

And so, I have decided that friend-ly is just not enough. Being a real friend is what matters. We need to know each other. We need to care. We need to love. We need to include and invite. Not everyone has a mother or sister or best friend waiting in the wings. Sometimes friendship is not easy. Sometimes relationships take work. Sometimes outgoing people are friendless. Sometimes we have to expand our circle until it is about to burst and we think we can't have one more person in our lives, but we can. It's why we are here, What else is more important?

Real friends call on birthdays and stop by just to say hello. Real friends watch out for your children and have your back when no one else will. Real friends make time for you and make you feel wanted. Real friends cry with you and want the very best for you. Real friends watch you make mistakes and forgive you. Real friends know you, really know you, and they love you any way.

That is who I should have been for her. It may not have made a difference today, but it may have made her previous days a little brighter, a little less difficult, a little more enjoyable and a little less lonely. She may have had one more person in her corner. I could have been that person.

I am now left wondering what was so important "¦ a load of laundry? A soccer carpool? An email? It all seems frivolous now as I think about her two children who are left wondering, "What's next?"

So, for Kate, Let's be better. Let's stop just "doing what we are supposed to do," and start truly caring and loving each other. It's more than a quick plate of cookies or a smile and a wave. Let's take time even when we don't have any; Let's slow down and see a need; Let's stop thinking about what is best for only our family.

I will be better. I will find energy even when it feels like I am running on empty; I will listen when I want to talk and I will pray for more strength when mine is gone. I will re-teach myself how to be a friend, even to those who might be different, needy, or closed and I will find joy in the process of loving, serving and connecting with them.

If the question, "Did she know I was her friend?" ever arises again, I want to say with confidence, "Of course she knew. We were wonderful friends."

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Brooke Romney Writes. It has been republished here with permission.

The post It’s time to stop being friendly and start being a friend appeared first on FamilyToday.

When I was writing for an Arizona newspaper, my paths crossed with a family life coach named Keri Maughan for a few articles, and I was always amazed by her wisdom and techniques. However, one thing she said floored me "¦ "My children only get ONE gift from Santa at Christmas time." I was shocked! Was she the Grinch? Who has every heard of Santa only bringing ONE gift?

Then I sat back and listened to her reasoning:

1. Santa brings what is most wanted

It can been big, small, expensive or cheap but he brings the item the child is most hoping for. No worries about "fairness" or the money spent per child. If you get the item you are most hoping for, all is fair.

2. This idea cuts down on all the filler gifts that are immediately discarded once the "real" gift is opened.

This saves both money, time, and most importantly focus.

3. If Santa brings only one gift, the child stops to take in the gift and then spends time playing with and enjoying it instead of wondering what else is under the tree.

4. When other gifts are given from parents/siblings/grandparents, the child has a chance to show gratitude instead just look for more or "the next gift."

It is easy to show excitement and gratitude for a few great items as opposed to a million mediocre ones. Much less entitlement on Christmas morning.

5. It allows for Christmas magic regardless of the families' financial situation

It all sounded really great to me. So, for the past 8 years, Santa has (mostly) brought our kids one big gift and then a book, a DVD, and some simple stocking stuffers. The rest of the items carry tags "From: Mom and Dad" or "Love: Grandma and Grandpa."

We still get all the Christmas magic we are hoping for and our kids don't set unrealistic or incredibly greedy expectations or create mile long lists for the jolly man in the big red suit.

They understand that with mom and dad there is a finite amount of money spent each year "¦ some years are fatter and some years are leaner, but we always have incredible Christmases.

I cannot tell you how grateful I was that we had started this tradition when we went back to grad school with three kids. I knew Christmas would be slim and we were an entire country away from extended family. However, both Christmases were still wonderful occasions and Santa came through with one great gift while the rest of the items were second hand, from grandparents, or found at incredible deals.

Even still, our little apartment was warm and cozy with plenty of love and still too many gifts to even wrap our minds around. It's astounding that it still always seemed like too much.

At this time of year, I am especially grateful to be able to provide Christmas for our family. I know it is a luxury many don't have, so reach out and make sure each child has at least ONE present from Santa this year by visiting your local Angel Tree or contacting your church or city about families in need.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Brooke Romney Writes. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Why Santa only brings one gift appeared first on FamilyToday.

If I had to list the five most important things I want my children to learn from me, hard work is in there ... unfortunately, it is also incredibly difficult to teach. A few years ago, I found myself mostly working alone so I didn't have to listen to the whining, complaining and fighting that always accompanied chores.

Now, I have three boys who are actual assets when it is time to clean up! It is a heavenly moment when you realize having help from your kids makes your load lighter instead of heavier, and now our house is pretty clean most of the time. But, there are a few things I wish I would have done differently when my boys were little that would have made life much easier then and now!

1. I wish I would have made my boys work earlier

Little boys can help with lots of things, especially general picking up, washing dishes, and laundry. My 2 year old is the happiest helper and we have lots of great conversations about colors and matching over clean socks. I should have had all my kids help instead of wait until they were asleep or occupied before I started my cleaning. This started a bad expectation of, "Mom will do it."

2. I wish I would have made cleaning accessible to my little ones

It is so overwhelming for little guys to hear that they have to clean their WHOLE room or playroom all by themselves. Asking them to just put away the books or just pick up the dirty clothes and working with them makes things so much more simple for everyone involved. Step by step and specific instructions make big tasks seem small.

3. I wish I would have had them make their bed as soon as they were old enough to sleep in one.

Such a valuable habit and completely do-able.

4. I wish I would have allowed them to try some of the harder chores and accepted their best effort as "good enough" instead of needing to do it over or not allowing them to give it a shot.

I am much better at this now.

5. I wish I would have been a better example about picking up the mess before leaving the room.

My husband is awesome at this, and when he is around, everything just stays clean because he asks everyone to pick up what they have messed up. I am still trying!

6. I wish I would have had everyone help keep the car clean

When my husband is driving the van, he asks everyone to bring in two things ... one in each hand. So much more simple than the huge "car clean out" that we so often have to do and much less embarrassing when someone needs a ride. Working on this one too.

7. I wish I would have had them clean up the outside mess on a daily basis

We love playing outside, but there is no reason for our backyard to be trashed ... we have bins for balls and places for bikes. It only takes a second when we do it every day, and then our Saturday is so much more free.

But, that was then, and this is now, so moving on..

My boys are now 11, 9, 7, and 2, so obviously my oldest three are the ones who help the most. I have found the easiest thing for me is to give them things they have to do DAILY, and we keep it really simple. They can get these done in the morning before school or after school, but they are supposed to accomplish them every day (homework aside, this takes about 40 minutes):

• Make bed, pick up room (including any clean laundry on bed)

• Practice piano 15 minutes

• Practice keyboarding or extra math 10 minutes

• Homework

• Read scriptures 5 minutes

• Pick up all of your items around the house (done before bed

There is a small reward for accomplishing their list. They get $.50 per day for the cleaning stuff and are rewarded with 35 minutes of electronic time for accomplishing the other items (less if less chores are accomplished). I know it doesn't sound like much, but since we pay for basically everything they do, the extra $10 per month is just fun money or money they can deposit in their bank account to save. They can earn more if they want to do extra jobs. I am also pretty strict about screen time, so the 35 minutes of free time is a big bonus for them. They can bank it, and it doesn't include days when we watch movies together or they have friends over when it is cold outside and end up playing the Wii. So far, it has been reward enough.

Of course, this is not all they do. Once a week they clean bathrooms and clean out the car. They help with dishes each night and yard work during the summer. They also are required to just "pitch in," when we need them to.

I have decided against specific assigned chores. I really like our family to work together without people telling me "my stuff" is done or "that kid" got the easier job. If the garbage needs to be taken out, the closest boy gets that job. If the dishwasher needs to be unloaded, everyone helps. If company is coming, all hands on deck. If someone is bogged down with homework, they get the night off. This has mostly worked well for us, especially when we add a little music to the cleaning party. Our family being willing to help each other out is an important thing to my husband and me.

I must add one thing I feel like I did do right ... I never made a clean house more important than the people who lived inside it.

I didn't miss out on childhood milestones to organize a closet or skip out on story time to mop the floor. I invited kids and neighbors inside even when my dishes were still out and sometimes moved a pile of laundry so we could sit and chat. That being said, I truly believe that when a home is clean, it is a happier place and more comfortable for everyone. So, sometimes the fun has to happen AFTER the work is done, and sometimes work can wait. Both are important lessons.

The hardest part? Staying consistent! This is so, so hard. The random and weekly stuff we are great at ... keeping track of the six daily things is much harder as is consistently rewarding them.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Brooke Romney's blog. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

The post How we make chores work and what I wish I would have done earlier appeared first on FamilyToday.

Sometimes learning to read is almost easier than keeping kids reading. Through much trial and error these are some strategies that work to keep my boys hooked on books.

1. Start a story and stop

When you are first getting into chapter books and want your child to try reading on his or her own, start reading them a story and then stop at the really good part. Offer to let them see what happens if they would like and hand over the book. They will usually read a few pages in.

2. Read a level down

One mistake I made was trying to force my kids to use personal reading time to read on their correct level, especially my oldest. He would choose little kid books for his silent reading time and I would come in and make him read something different. I feel like that was wrong. Personal reading time should be totally enjoyable if we want our kids to keep doing it. I want my kids to associate reading with a great escape not drudgery. Now I let my kids read whatever they choose (rationally speaking) for their own reading time. They get plenty of the other stuff in school and for homework. If you are picking books for your child, find books that they can easily read and understand.

3. Cater to their interests

Another mistake I made was trying to interest my boys in the books I loved growing up. They didn't think they were all that great. For their personal reading time, let them take the lead. If they love non-fiction, find a non-fiction book. If they want to read a magazine, find an appropriate one that interests them. Give them lots of good options to choose from for their personal reading time. I've found statistical books like World Records books, Yearbooks or Animal Fact books work well to keep reluctant readers engaged.

4. Go to the library often

My kids are always really excited to start reading after we hit the library. Giving them the choice gives them ownership over their time, and that is always motivational for kids.

5. Read aloud

Although all three older boys read on their own and do it well, we always have a family book we are reading. My kids love listening to me read and I love having that shared experience with them. It's so fun to talk about the book as a family and speculate on what might happen next. This is where I introduce them to the books I loved growing up or books I hope they will enjoy but might be a little slow or old-fashioned.

Since I have super active boys, they often play Legos or indoor basketball or some other game while I am reading to them, but I don't let it bother me. They are still listening and we are creating fun memories together. I know they listen because they talk about the books we read together all the time with me, their friends and with each other.

6. Try a book club

Our local library has a book club for different ages and yours might have one too. I have not tried it yet, but my friend loves taking her kids and getting them interested in new books. We are going to give it a shot this summer. If you are ambitious, start your own.

7. Use Goodreads

I love the website Goodreads because I enjoy keeping track of my books and giving the reviews. You can use Goodreads for your kids too and let them rate each book they read and give a little summary of what it was about. It is so fun for them to watch their bookshelves grow. If you choose to reward reading, this is a good way to keep track.

8. Stay up late

This is by farmy best suggestionfor getting my kids to read. Each has his own light attached to his bed, and each night after my kids get into bed, they have between 20 and 30 minutes to read. They are allowed to stay awake but only if they are reading. If they are playing or doing something else, the light goes off and they have to go to sleep.

We started this when my kids had required reading minutes for school and it has been awesome. By the end of the day, my busy boys are ready to wind down and they are happy to curl up with a good book. More often than not, I am forcing them to put their book down and get to bed. I have been doing this for quite awhile and my third child started personal reading time when he was three because that is what everyone else was doing. He would just look at picture books, but he did it independently and it started him in the habit of reading on his own. Sometimes a nice older brother would read to him and that worked for me too.

I love this tradition. If you are worried about them following through, you can plant yourself outside their door with your own book. It's great for kids to see their parents reading!

9. Entice with shows and movies

Have a kid that loves TV but hates to read? Find books based on TV shows or movies that were books first and have them read those (there are lots of beginning reader options too like Arthur, Miss Spider, Franklin, Little Bear, Disney books, etc.). We have a rule at our house that we don't see the movie until we have read the book (often we read them as a family) and it's been motivational in lots of way. Editor's note: This article was originally published on Brooke Romney's blog, Mom Explores Michigan. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Hooked on books: 9 strategies to keep kids reading appeared first on FamilyToday.

We love using our summertime to explore new places and experiences and enjoy both the lazy and not so lazy days of summer. One thing we try and do is have a bit of a schedule "¦ not an intense, inflexible one, but a general schedule that keeps us moving in the right direction. I don't over do things or have project after project but we have a few running things that happen in our house.

Since most students lose about two months of grade level equivalency over the summer, we like to try and combat that in small ways. We end up with plenty of free time, so I don't mind making my kids do a few academic things like ...

Workbooks

My favorite workbooks are the BrainQuest ones, but they stop in fourth grade so I will be looking for a new one for my oldest. We set a page goal for each day or do it for a certain amount of time. My kids generally don't mind doing this at all.

XtraMath

XtraMath is an amazing, free, website for helping kids with their math facts. One round can be done in about 10 minutes.

Reading

I am so lucky my boys love to read. We end up at the library often and use their hold system on a very regular basis, but I still find it important to set aside time to read during the day. Check out my boys' favorite books and series here.

Read-alouds

I love reading to my kids and we always have a book going. During the summer we try and make more time for reading together.

A family project

Each summer we decide on a special project that we are going to accomplish. Last year we worked on the placement of the states and capitals. We had a dry erase map of the United States and each boy took a turn each day filling in what they could remember. It was challenging and fun for all of them. This year we are moving on to naming and placing the countries of the world in the correct spot and I will keep my younger ones on states until they are finished.

We found a great online site this year as the kids get faster and more familiar. We have also used the apps "Stack the States" and "Stack the Countries." A few of our other options that were not chosen were the names and order of the Presidents of the United States, the Periodic Table, the Constitutional Amendments, poetry memorization, and the names of all the bones in your body. These projects come in handy as they get older in school.

Piano

I love using the summer to really practice the piano. All three boys play and our house is often filled with music. In the summer there are no excuses for not having "time to practice."

Typing

This sounds old school, but I think typing is so important! This year my fifth grader had a few reports he had do to on the computer and the report was simple but the typing took FOREVER. Hoping to combat that a bit and give him a leg up.

I'm Bored list

We created thisI'm Bored list for all those times the kids feel like they have nothing to do. It is mostly electronic free and parent free. It comes in handy every now and then.

Some days we may get through everything, other days it won't happen at all, and that is OK. There is still plenty of time for pools, friends, museums, vacations, relaxation, and the outdoors, but I do enjoy having a little flexible direction each summer, especially when my toddler is napping. Bring on summer!

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Brooke Romney's blog,

em,Mom Explores Michigan

It has been modified and republished here with permission.

The post Simple ways to help your children stay smart over the summer appeared first on FamilyToday.

My kids have a problem ... they think the ultimate goal in life is to have fun. I knew we had reached an all time low when I heard twice in one week my kids praying, "Please bless us to have a fun day tomorrow and a fun day the day after that." Is that what our prayers have become? Are our lives really so blissful that the blessing we ask for is "fun?" Are we so out of touch with others' needs and so removed from thanking the Lord that the only place we need God to intervene is to guarantee our fun? Yikes! Where have we gone wrong?

After some serious self-reflection, I realized that we've been creating these fun-fed children. As they leave our car we smile, wave and shout, "Have fun!" After they return home from somewhere (school, practice, play date, church), the question is usually, "Did you have fun?" and if they didn't, there is often a decent amount of concern about what might be wrong and how we can remedy this un-fun problem!

Not only that, but we live in a culture full of cheap thrills and expensive entertainment that everyone feels like they MUST be a part of. You don't take a annual trip to Disneyland? Your poor kids! You aren't going to spend the day off at a trampoline park? Bummer! Your kids don't have iPhones or iTouches yet? So sad! Not joining a pool this summer? Yuck! You aren't going away for the 3-day weekend? What will you do at home?

See the problem is that FUN is a drug. Take a little and you want more. Take enough and it no longer satisfies. You need bigger, better, more expensive ways to fill you up. The simple moments are no longer satisfactory and the big events don't seem all that big anymore. Fun is a junk food diet that leaves you giddy for a moment, then hollow and wanting more.

Kids learn it from somewhere

Media, friends, and, yes, parents too. Our culture worships leisure, entertainment and FUN. As parents, we have forgotten how to have a good time with our kids without paying for someone to fabricate it for us. We have forgotten that the most fulfilling and closest relationships are not the ones based on constant FUN together but ones where we have worked, laughed, loved and struggled together. I don't want a cotton candy relationship with my kids ... I want something substantial and real.

As I read biographies and listen to interviews with successful people who have changed the world, there seems to be a common thread in what they learned as a child and adolescent ... HARD WORK. Doesn't matter which country they come from, their socioeconomic status, their gender, their beauty or lack of it, they succeed by working hard at something, for something or to merely survive, and these lessons almost always started at home.

Set goals and change

We are turning over a new leaf in our home. We are still huge advocates of enjoying life, seeing the positive and taking it all in. We want to travel with our kids and show them the wonders of nature and different cultures. We love to play sports, take walks, visit the theater, attend concerts, hike, play games, swim, watch movies, and just be together, but ...

We will work hard together too. We will create memories and strengthen relationships as we accomplish difficult things together. We will hold our boys accountable for their efforts in our family, in school, in sports, in music, in hobbies and in their church duties. We will no longer ask our kids if they had fun, because frankly, we don't care. They can choose to make every experience fun if they want to ... it's up to them and absolutely possible. But we will no longer worry about creating fun for them or shielding them from hardships, unpleasantness, or heaven forbid ... boredom! We want them to reap more than fun from this existence. We want them to be fulfilled. We want them to reach their potential. We want them to be excellent.

Ask the right questions

We will change our questions and our focus and instead ask, "Did you learn something?" "Did you feel productive?" "Did you work hard?" "Did you try your best?" "Were you a good friend?" "Did you try something new?" "Did you push yourself?" "Did you make some one's day better?" "Did you add value?" "Did you create something?" "Did you grow?" "Did you discover something?" "Did you change the world today, even in a small way?"

Because when you can answer yes to any of those questions, that's when life gets really FUN.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Brooke Romney's blog, Mom Explores Michigan. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Why we are taking the fun out of life appeared first on FamilyToday.