Because I was taught to pray as a child, I was touched by God's love for me. When I knelt in prayer, I visualized God resembling my earthly father - dressed in white - kneeling in heaven listening to my prayers.

Kneeling in faith

As an adult, I had experienced trials; trials that felt as if they would never pass. An illness that gripped my body plagued me on a daily basis. There was little response to treatments. Each morning I sat at my kitchen window and prayed, "God, where are you?" The gentle swaying of the evergreens in the distance seemed to bring calm words in my mind as if God were whispering, "I am here, Jelean, I am here." I felt His strength - then it was gone. The trees were motionless, silent, and cold, and so were the heavens.

Faith was slipping away like water being held in a closed fist. I struggled and doubted. I had much to learn from my trials. When we ask God to take our pain away, He lovingly tells us, "Not right now, but I will send comfort and answers." And he did. Slowly with time, with new medications, new doctors, and new insight, my pain eased. I became functional.

Once again I felt His love, strength and His calming words. Each of us may experience bonding with the Savior - and faith in his sacrifice - in different ways. For me, it was through pain. It was during my years of hardships that a deeper more abiding love developed between Jesus and me.

Walking in faith

"I walked today where Jesus walked," words to a hymn referring to a literal walk in the Holy Land where Jesus grew and served His mission then suffered the ultimate sacrifice.

Jesus Christ took all of the pain and sins of everyone. He bled from every pore. In the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus atoned - not only for my sins - but for my pain and suffering. "I walked today where Jesus walked and felt His presence there." Has he walked down my path? Have I felt His presence? Most assuredly.

Going forward in faith

He knows my suffering. He has been on far more strenuous paths than I have walked and He has been on mine. I have felt love from Him who knows pain. Only after tremendous challenges did I feel and appreciate the atonement and the sweetness of His love. I have felt comfort and encouragement, "Jelean, it's only for a season, and I'll be with you."

Some time ago I spent the week before Christmas in a hospital. It was Sunday morning, and I was able to participate in a church service. At that moment, I experienced an assurance in my heart that He felt of my devotion to Him. And on that day, I was reminded of to feel grateful for the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and His resurrection. Gratitude and humility were present in the hospital setting where each of us was experiencing his or her personal agony. I came to realize Jesus knows and loves me with a love that is unconditionally given to each of us.

My faith was renewed. I learned that when we have faith and are healed, we rejoice. When we have faith and are not healed it takes an overabundance of faith to endure, perhaps even greater faith. I had developed a deep bond with Jesus. I knew it was His love and sacrifice that relieved my suffering. I once again had faith in His sacrifice for me. The weakness that had gripped my body caused me to grow immeasurably. I felt strength, gratefulness, determination, and I felt faith.

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After my fourth child was born, I suffered from a clinical after-birth depression. I was determined to get better when Dawn was a baby. I thought the blackness and anxiety would leave while I was still able to hold her in my arms and rock her and before she toddled and talked. Time moved on - night then day - fall - winter - spring - then summer. The changes in the seasons brought little relief to my depression.

Postpartum depression can vary from mild to suicidal and can transpire anytime after child delivery to within a year. Changes in hormone levels can cause the all-encompassing depression. It may affect any woman regardless of her age or race.

The New England Journal of Medicine states, "One out of eight new mothers will have postpartum depression."

The New England Journal defines some of the symptoms of major depression with postpartum onset. (Comments on coping methods are expressed by this author.)

The journal states that one symptom must either be depressed mood or decreased interest or pleasure.

Other symptoms from The New England Journal include

Depressed mood often accompanied or overshadowed by severe anxiety

If leaving the house is too much for you - though I hated to hear it from friends - going outside and absorbing the sunshine proved helpful for short periods of time - trying to relax in the fresh air.

Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in activities

If you can force involvement in activities you once enjoyed sometimes it can divert your attention from the mental pain if even for a small period of time. I did simple things: Put photos in albums - record feelings in a journal - become involved in scrapbooking.

Appetite disturbance - usually loss of appetite with weight loss

Try to eat food that appeals to you especially if it's healthy. Eat small portions several times a day.

Sleep disturbance - most often insomnia and fragmented sleep

Rest during the day. Caring for a newborn can cause exhaustion. Relax by reading a magazine or watching television. Try to sleep while baby sleeps instead of doing laundry or ask someone to tend the baby during rest intervals. Take a relaxing bath.

Physical agitation

Tell someone you trust about how you feel. It releases tension to talk about it. Call a sympathetic friend or meet with a therapist who you know will be a good listener. As mentioned, even if you're not a writer get all of your pain and agony written down in a journal. It's therapeutic. Cry if you can.

Fatigue, decreased energy

Again, rest or take naps. Exercise is important even if you have to force yourself to work it into your day for 15 minutes. It helps to have a partner walk short distances with you. The conversation will also be good. Accept help from others to cook an occasional meal and fold your laundry.

Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt

Try not to feel guilty. Having PPD doesn't mean you are a bad mother or that you don't experience love for your baby. Once you feel better, the positive feelings will return. Buy a new item of clothing or wear your favorite outfit on tough days. Depression is not a personal weakness. I clung to repeated encouragement from a therapist: "Jelean, it will go away!"

Decreased concentration or ability to make decisions

Rely on family members to make important finance and other significant decisions.

Postpartum depression manifests itself with poor concentration, anxiety, feelings of sadness and worthlessness, fatigue, lack of interest in activities. And it causes loss of appreciation for the beauties around you. The depressive disorder takes place following the birth of a baby. It is treatable through prescribed medications, therapy, and using the above suggested coping methods.

After consistent treatment of carefully administered medications, therapeutic procedures and time, my symptoms eased. An overpowering joy came over me. I saw mountains verdant with pine trees, smelled a lilac, heard the song of a robin. And I held my baby in my arms - I rocked her and loved her.

Look for the signs of postpartum depression in yourself if you suspect trouble. If you suffer from postpartum depression, you can also seek help and find recovery. Speak to someone about your recovery today.

The post How to deal with postpartum depression appeared first on FamilyToday.

After my mother had passed away, the family sorted through her belongings. A red vintage dress which Mom had delicately sewn for herself - when she was a young woman - captured my interest. On first sight I was enchanted. It was 75 to 80 years old. Because she was the seamstress I wanted her dress all the more.

The sweetheart-neckline was embellished with four small gathered-rows of delicate cream-colored lace. The lace complemented the old-fashioned dress. The lace had slightly yellowed but set-off the neckline in such a way it would have been unthinkable to replace it. Small pockets trimmed with the same lace had been attached to the front of the tiered skirt.

The red dotted-Swiss fabric was a light-weight cotton appearing to have thinned through the years. In places, the dress was thread-bare, worn, and frayed. Unlike my initial response, my secondary reaction was that it hopelessly belonged in a rejection bin. However, part of me could not let go of the sentimental antique dress and Jeanie - my 31-year-old daughter - wanted to wear her grandma's outfit. My love for Jeanie and for Mom motivated me to restore it.

As I worked on the dress I thought about five valuable lessons I learned from my mother and grandmother.

Ask questions of your grandparents before they die.

Recording their answers and stories about their lives leads to writing your own personal histories. My grandma, Lily, wrote her life-story in a Book of Remembrance. She pasted photographs in her book. She cut and glued fancy pictures of roses and forget-me-nots from used greeting cards to accent her stories.

Her life-story taught her posterity the importance of recording their histories so our thoughts and values can be passed down to future generations.

Learn - from the example of your grandparents - to be frugal in purchasing, restoring old things, or creating new ones.

Frugality was important to Grandma Lily. Once Grandma made a Christmas tree from creatively arranging tumble-weeds, then spraying them with gold paint until they glistened. Making something out of nothing - or with little means - was a trait Grandma had established early in her life. And she taught my mom to do the same. Their examples influenced me.

Learn to make-do with what you already have.

Instead of purchasing new furniture, Mom reupholstered the old. She varnished and stained floors and cupboards. Long ago, Grandma Lily painted a brass bed. She painted it white. Two generation later - under Mom's leadership - her children laboriously sanded and scraped the paint off the antique bed then they polished it with Brasso until it became a lustrous shiny bed, a thing of beauty, a twice recycled bed.

Impracticality is sometimes practical.

When I was a young girl my mother made me a stylish coat out of a rose-colored unused blanket which was in good condition. It was attractive and warm and it impressed my friends. I learned the principle of prudence from my mother.

Stick-to-itiveness. Work on a task until it is complete.

In spite of complexities, my mother never gave up when creating beautiful things and when giving a face-lift to an item. She learned it from Grandma. She passed the trait on to me. Mom made most of the clothes for her 10 children.

I used these things I learned to bring Mom's dress back to life.

How could I possibly revive the dress? Ideas began to flow into my mind. I would line the dress with the exact shade of plain red fabric as the red dotted-Swiss material was. With a sharp pair of undersized scissors and a seam-ripper I tirelessly and meticulously unpicked every stitch of the frail dress: the sleeves, bodice, and the eight tapered-panels in the skirt. I then used pieces of two-sided fusible-web and placed the webbing under the flaws and frays between the lining and the dress, ironing it together.

Relentless efforts consumed my daytime hours and often into the nights. It was tiring but I loved the challenge, the creativity, and the excitement of making something old into something new. I realized my mom would love what I was doing. I felt a closeness and love toward her as I brought her dress back to life.

Everything was sewn in place and the results of my labors were to be tested. When Jeanie wore the dress to an event, her friends gathered around awed by the beauty of her grandmother's restored exquisite-gown.

The post Stitches of love: What I learned from restoring my mother’s vintage dress appeared first on FamilyToday.

Depression has plagued the human race for ages. Misunderstood in times past, sufferers were sometimes placed in mental hospitals with little treatment available. In modern times medication and therapy have developed. Treatment is obtainable. Lack of understanding still exists on occasion among family and friends as illustrated by this fictional account.

Andrea had finished her last piano student of the day when the doorbell rang.

"Mom it's Lisa." James hollered.

"Come on in Lisa. I'm in the kitchen." Andrea greeted Lisa with a hug. They had been friends since childhood.

"Lisa, you look tired," Andrea commented.

"I've been feeling depressed. I'm not motivated, and I can't concentrate on my work."

Andrea put the rolls in the oven. "That's not like you. What's depressing you?"

"That's the problem, I don't know. It's just there."

"Daddy's home," James exclaimed.

Dave kissed Andrea dutifully on the cheek then checked out the pot roast.

"I better go," Lisa said.

Andrea walked her to the door and patted her on the back. "We all get depressed at times. I'm sure it'll pass."

Two weeks went by and Andrea was on her way to visit Kate Emerson who had fallen and broken her leg. She invited Lisa to go with her.

"You OK? You seem withdrawn, what's happened to the jovial Lisa?"

Lisa responded, "Still can't shake this depression."

"Maybe you need to get out of the house more and try to keep busy. I've found that helps me when I'm down."

"I don't think so. I'm thinking about giving up my PTA and church assignments."

Andrea responded, "You need those activities to keep going! I think that would be a big mistake."

Tears rolled down Lisa's cheeks. Andrea was puzzled. Trying to comfort Lisa she recalled, "Several years ago I felt depressed for about three weeks. I almost felt suicidal." Andrea sensed a deep fear come over Lisa, and she changed the subject.

As they walked into Kate's home, Andrea took the chicken casserole and pineapple cookies into the kitchen. Kate greeted them with a smile, but appeared concerned. I'm going to be laid up for three months. How'll I do everything?"

Lisa didn't respond but Andrea reassured Kate, "Everyone understands. We'll help."

They gave each other a hug, "We can all help, don't worry."

"She's got such a good attitude," Andrea commented as they closed the door on their way out.

Several weeks later Andrea telephoned Lisa, "Dave fell and broke his hand. He won't be able to go to work for a while. He's in pain but he's being brave."

Lisa responded but with little concern, "That's too bad," she said.

The next day Andrea walked over to Lisa's home. She was sitting on a chair staring out her front window.

"Let's go for a walk," Andrea said. "Another blue day, huh Lisa?"

"Please help me," she sobbed. "I feel hopeless. It's been six months and it's not getting better."

"You've got to shake it Lisa. Make up your mind to change and try to enjoy the sunshine," Andrea added as they continued walking.

Lisa shrugged her shoulders.

Just then 7-year-old Jenny, one of Andrea's piano students, came skipping up the walk. "Guess what?" she said as she proudly held up her index finger wrapped with a Band-Aid. "I cut my finger. I had three stitches and I'll miss piano."

Andrea kissed her finger, patted her on the head and said, "I'll see you next week." Jenny disappeared picking dandelions along the way.

"Such a sweet child and always so cheerful. Spring has touched her heart in spite of her pain," Andrea said.

As they reached Lisa's home Andrea reminded her, "Try not to think about the blues and keep busy. I'll pick you up to go shopping tomorrow, that always helps me. I've got to take James to the doctor first. He's got stomach problems. I feel so bad for him."

About 10 p.m. Andrea's doorbell rang. It was Lisa. Andrea thought it was a little late to receive visitors but she invited her in.

"Andrea, I'm desperate!" she blurted. "Why didn't you tell Kate to go about her work anyway in spite of her cast? And your husband, he could've forgotten about his broken hand had he just kept busy."

"Lisa, that's cruel. I can't believe what you're saying."

Lisa didn't listen. She became irate. "And Jenny, there's no reason why she couldn't tear off her Band-Aid and play the piano!"

Now Andrea became angry but she couldn't get a word in. Lisa continued to ramble, "If Band-Aids could heal depression, and you could see inside my brain you'd see it covered with a thousand Band-Aids. You may even see my brain completely covered with a cast." Lisa turned, slammed the door, and walked away.

Andrea was confused. She paced the floor. She went to bed but couldn't sleep. She woke up Dave and related the incident to him. "I've always felt close to Lisa. She knows I'm her friend."

Dave said, "Maybe Lisa really is sick. Maybe she just needs you to listen to her."

Then Andrea hesitated, wondering if she had listened to Lisa. She slipped her robe on and dashed out the front door. Conversations of the past few weeks raced through her mind. She ran toward Lisa's home. Her heart was pounding. A cold chill ran up her spine. Her eyes focused on the reflection and blur of a red light going around and around. Her head was spinning. Her own too recent statement began ringing in her ears. "Once I felt depressed. It lasted for about three weeks. I almost felt suicidal."

Lisa's life was spared. She was treated for depression with medication and therapy and became well. And AndrΓ©a learned to listen instead of giving unwanted advice.

Education, listening skills and empathy make way for accepting depression as a real malady. Listening to others by using genuine communication skills has great value in maintaining and building relationships. The interaction of experiencing adversity together can eventually reinforce the bond between friends.

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." - Helen Keller

The post Band-Aids on the brain: A story about dealing with depression appeared first on FamilyToday.

I was brave. The skillful trick didn't frighten me. We had done it many times. I stood there for several minutes wearing a contented smile. Mama took a picture of us. Dad lowered his legs slowly and I jumped. I was uninhibited and I trusted my dad.

One day, after going through the same routine with my dad, I lost my balance and fell to the ground landing on my right hand. My wrist was injured. Dad felt bad, but I didn't blame him. I wasn't sure I wanted to get up there again. I sat on the grass holding my wrist and sobbing.

"Get back up Jelean and do it again," dad said in kindness, "so you won't be afraid."

I cried, "No dad, I don't want to. It hurts."

"You can do it Jelean, do it again." I couldn't stop the flowing tears or the pain but I did what my dad had asked me to do. I climbed back up. I stood straight up momentarily. He lowered his legs slowly and I jumped. I didn't fall. I gained back my confidence. I had trusted my dad. And I had learned to get up when I fell down. There were many times in my life in which that philosophy became useful to me.

I was alone. I sat on a bench in the locker room next to the loud speaker. I was a 7th grader and anxious to make the school spelling team. I was a good speller. I felt confident my name would be announced but after listening to one name after another until the last name was finally called, I hadn't made it. Others were chosen over me. I cried a little hoping no one would notice. I felt like giving up.

I reflected on teachings of my father, "Never give up." I continued spelling and found success. I may not have ever made the spelling team but I made the tumbling team, the yearbook staff, and an officer in my sorority in college.

As a child, learning to swim was difficult. I stayed with it, over and over even though I struggled. I worked at it by myself with no instructions from others. I was determined to succeed. My swimming skills improved. I became a swimming instructor and was awarded a blue ribbon, a red one and several others when I participated in an intramural competition in college.

As I became a wife and mother, my challenges and burdens became so cumbersome, I thought it was impossible to achieve any type of success. There were times Iwanted to give up. I was stricken with a debilitating painful illness when I was 30, and along with my husband, I was raising four young children. The doctors were baffled with my illness but they tried one medication after another. When I failed at one, I accepted another trial of a different medication.

When one doctor couldn't help, I sought the help of another. The evaluations, procedures, tests and specialists were too innumerable to count. I failed over and over but I knew the answer was out there. I struggled in agony while trying to bring up my children with a strong faith. My husband was my strength. He didn't give up. I didn't give up.

We raised five successful children and became grandparents to 18 grandchildren. While ill, I found accomplishment in other areas: writing, scrapbooking, woodcarving, crocheting and teaching. After 40 years, the answers finally came. And so did relief. Do I believe in getting up each time I fall down? Most assuredly.

• Failing in one area doesn't have to mean failure in another.

• After a repeated attempt to succeed at a desired skill, letdown often leads to attainment in the future and in reaching other goals.

• Patience finds its rewards when success happens after a period of time and after trying over and over again. Sometimes it takes a while.

Attaining a long-sought-after goal feeds our capacity to accomplish other goals bringing to a realization that getting up each time we fall results in a lifetime of fulfillment.

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I was going to have a baby. I eventually accepted my condition, and rejected an implication to abort the child.

American Pregnancy Association states, "Pregnancy is supposed to be one of the happiest times of a woman's life, but for many women this is a time of confusion, fear, sadness, stress, and even depression. According to the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), between 14-23 percentΒ of women will struggle with some symptoms of depression during pregnancy...Depression is an illness that can be treated and managed during pregnancy, but the first step, seeking out help and support, is the most important."

Here are some suggestions to help deal with depression and anxiety during pregnancy.

• Seek medical attention and therapy to deal with low energy, lack of interest, hopelessness, and worthlessness. Restlessness, worry, sleep problems, and irritability are dominant factors in anxiety. Educated professional psychiatrists can help expectant mothers handle mental health issues. Talk therapy is valuable.

• Avoid medications, if possible. There are some medications, only if prescribed by your doctor, which might be necessary to use for severedepression and anxiety during pregnancy. The concern that the medications could cause defects to the unborn child usually isn't worth the risk of taking anti-depressants, but work closely with your doctor.

• Exercise and get plenty of fresh air.

• If you can, try to sleep through the night. Rest during the day.

• Eating healthy improves mental problems and helps relieve concerns that the baby might not be receiving proper nutrition. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, sugar, and highly-processed carbohydrates.

• Have family and friends take turns staying with you to help pass time and to keep your mind active. Engage in pleasant conversation.

• Divert attention from mental pain by working on a project or hobby. Make a quilt for the baby.

• Let volunteers fix meals and do housework.

• Get away from the house. Go out to dinner with spouse weekly.

• Take heed when friends and doctors remind you that depression and anxiety are not going to last long. The pregnancy willcome to an end. Hang in there! Take advantage of medication and therapy after the birth of your child, if needed.

A beautiful baby came into my life and was placed in my arms. She was healthy, and I was safe from the mental pain I had experienced during my pregnancy. Her birth brought great joy to me and to my family.

The post How to deal with anxiety and depression during pregnancy appeared first on FamilyToday.

Trent

Trent was born with limited vision and slow motor skills. His reasoning skills were also impaired. LeAnna, Trent's mother, was told by her son's pediatrician that Trent was an extremely retarded child and would never be able to walk or attend public schools. She refused to accept the doctor's analysis.

Here are some examples of how Trent's family dealt with his disability

1. LeAnna and Trent played and sang together every day. When he turned 5 she discovered he had perfect pitch. She taught him to sing. As his musical skills developed, he performed in public on numerous occasions.

2. LeAnna treated him as if he had no restrictions. She focused on his capabilities.

3. His stepfather and younger brother were sensitive to Trent's challenges. Their optimistic reactions to his accomplishments had a great impact on his developmental skills. They included him in family activities. His family were his friends, his best friends.

4. His limited sight eventually depleted. He was taught to use a cane and to cross the street and catch the bus.

5. As an adult, after taking classes for a special-needs group, Trent was hired as a sales-account manager. He continues to work in this capacity.

6. He prepares his own meals and with a little help he does his shopping. A speaking-application was installed on his computer. Regardless of his blindness and other impaired skills, he handles his own email and makes his own appointments and pays his bills on his computer.

LeAnna proved the pediatrician's opinion to be incorrect. Trent learned to function in a variety of capacities. He attended public schools and functioned with highly intellectual abilities. Because of LeAnna's devotion in teaching him, and through his own adjustments, he was able to care for himself and live in his own condominium. The support of his stepfather and brother was invaluable. The family's positive responses guided Trent to heights that never seemed attainable.

Janie

Janie's life was characteristic of a normal young mother until she began suffering from mental illness. She wrote, "Whilst amid the joys of marriage and delight of four young children, I awoke from contentment and found something was amiss. I awoke to a nightmare of misery."

Janie's family helped her in the following ways:

1. The family arranged professional help for her. They learned about a treatment plan through communication with her doctors. They joined with her in group therapy.

2. Her husband and children found it necessary to take care of most of the family responsibilities. During her rehabilitation they encouraged her to perform simple tasks.

3. They developed an attitude of love, devotion, and patience.

4. The family learned to take time to listen to her, to let her talk about her disability. Talking about her pain was therapeutic for Janie.

5. Janie's family members gained understanding through their experience of living with her. They paid careful attention to her needs.

Holly

Holly was born with Down's Syndrome. There was a possibility she might not live. Holly did live and she taught her family about love. Although love was paramount it was not always easy for her siblings.

Her family was able to adjust:

1. They joined together in teaching Holly to crawl, walk, and speak. As she grew and developed her siblings took turns exercising with her to help develop her weak muscles.

2. Her parents and brothers and sisters learned to accept her limitations. Every minor developmental skill became a major undertaking for Holly. Her family took pleasure in being a part of each step of her progression.

3. Her mother received therapy through letter-writing and parent-support sessions with others in similar situations.

4. Her parents arranged for her to attend public schools with special needs programs. She learned to read and write. Sometimes she was teased at school. Her brothers helped her with difficult situations by standing up for her and protecting her from bullies.

5. They included Holly in family activities: movies, swimming, picnics, and church. They played UNO and watched Barney with her.

6. She was taught to ride the bus. She trained and works two hours a day at Subway.

7. Holly will never drive a car. She can't function completely on her own, and needs help with communication skills. Realizing, even as an adult, that she is not as advanced as her siblings, her response is always, "I'll do that when I grow up." Her playful sense of humor delights her family. She loves to repeat to her mother, "When I get married I'm going to have 5 children, I'll teach them to play the piano." Her innocence as a perfect child is obvious to her family.

8. Preparing for their inevitable passing, her parents made arrangements for an older sibling to assume responsibility for Holly.

9. By caring for Holly, her family gained insight and learned patience and acceptance of other's disabilities. They became empathetic for those who suffer.

10. Holly's family adjusted their everyday life to her disability. Her parents taught acceptance and understanding to their family. Love came simultaneously.

Learning and responding to limitations of the mentally and physically-challenged, through a positive approach, help to gain understanding and patience. In spite of the difficulties, a bond can develop between the disabled and the other family members. Hopefully, the greatest skill learned from working with the disabled is love.

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• A date could be as simple as spending an evening reminiscing together through pages of a book of remembrance with photos and stories - stories stir romantic memories of the lovers' beginnings. "Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." "The Wonder Years." Author unknown

• Attending a concert for a date night stirs hearts when the couple listens passionately to classical music. Aaron Copland said, "To stop the flow of music would be like stopping the flow of time...It enhances our minds, imaginations and emotions"¦" Music enhances love and creates a memory.

• Surrender to a call of the waves. Create playfulness in a fun-loving activity such as going to the beach: swimming, laughing, and splashing in the ocean all add variety to a date.

• Traditional dining at favorite restaurants adds spice and a pleasant place to converse with each other and chat about the food while sharing the tantalizing dishes.

• Remaining silent while viewing the golden sunset preserves the romance of a couple and makes a date seem magical. "Silence is the speech of love"¦" Richard Henry Stoddard.

• Talking, listening, dreaming together while leisurely walking amongst a garden of roses makes a perfectly romantic date. "Listening is a magnetic force—When we really listen—there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. " Brenda Ueland. "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." James Dean

• Relationships thrive through an occasional escape from the drudgery of life especially when it comes unexpectedly - when it's a surprise. Lisa had an idea of how to have an extended romantic date.

Jon and Lisa lived in Everett Washington near Seattle. It was their 12th wedding anniversary. She had baked cookies and hired a babysitter. She packed a suitcase, called Jon and asked if he could leave work early. He sauntered out to the car with his suit jacket flung over his shoulder and looking tired. She was driving - they headed north on the freeway. Lisa began chattering, "Guess what happened today?"

Jon interrupted, "Get over, he said. You're going to miss the exit." She kept talking and sailed past it.

"Sorry," Lisa had responded - keeping a straight face. "We can get off the second exit." She changed to the middle lane and continued talking. "Anyway," She said, referring to their son, "Scot came home from school late and"¦"

"Get in the next lane," Jon cried out. There was a lot of traffic. Lisa looked over her shoulder then flew past the second exit. Jon exclaimed, "If you miss one more exit we're going to end up in Vancouver. "She did miss one more exit, and they ended up in Vancouver, Canada, drove to Holiday Inn, went to dinner, road the tram up Grouse Mountain. They held hands, kissed and admired the view. They did a lot of talking and enjoyed the weekend away from the pressures of life. Lisa had successfully kidnapped her husband. It was a romantic getaway.

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Diane had suffered from depression for 2 years. It had been difficult for her husband James to understand her change of attitude, her inability to prepare meals, and the loss of enjoyment in personal activities. Through time he had come to appreciate her need for his support. He realized her depression was valid. Her trial had been to endure the suffering. His trial had been to persevere, love, and strengthen his once healthy - fun-loving - energetic wife.

Talking About Symptoms of Depression

James had learned from Diane's doctor that depression involved fatigue, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, inability to sleep, change in appetite, irritability and thoughts of suicide. James discussed these symptoms with Diane, also indicating he understood her frustration in her loss of enjoyment with handicrafts and scrapbooking. He explained to her the desire to participate in these activities and the elimination of her other symptoms would occur after treatment of medication and therapy. He gained insight from working with his wife and through empathy. He also had received continued helpful guidelines from her doctors.

Here are some other steps they took to improve their situation:

• In the course of discussions with Diane's therapist, James had learned the effects depression had had on Diane's self esteem. He gave her hope by explaining that self esteem returns through therapy and when depression is alleviated.

• James volunteered to read material with Diane on how others had dealt with depression and how they had been successful in overcoming it. She was not alone. He told her not to blame herself. It was not her fault.

• He talked to her about the treatment of medication, and about personal and couples therapy. He told Diane that sometimes hospitalization may be necessary to adjust medications and receive continued therapy with qualified mental health professionals.

• He supported her by reminding her on a regular basis that she was enduring and coping well. He learned through listening to her that her silent times meant sometimes she didn't feel like talking.

• They exercised together. As they walked they talked. He acknowledged potential thoughts of suicide when she felt susceptible, telling her to come to him and accept help from professionals. They discussed the warning signs: talking about suicide or death, preoccupation with death, expressing feelings of hopelessness.

• He explained to her his need to participate in his personal activities of jogging and fishing preparing him to be more proficient in listening to and helping her. He also involved other family members and friends for support.

• He reassured her that he loved her in spite of her disability. Sometimes James didn't say anything—he just held Diane and let the tears come.

If you have a spouse that deals with depression, learn from the example of James and Diane and don't be afraid to get professional help. The battle against depression in a marriage shouldn't be fought alone.

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How to Make Your Own Heritage Game

By following a friend's sample, I created a card deck of my ancestors which our children use to play different games using rules similar to "Memory", "Go Fish", Old Maid", and "Bingo". You can do the same by following these steps:

1. Gather photos of grandparents, great grandparents, and even a few great great grandparents. (I collected 18 individual photos.

2. Scan each photo and resize them to fit 9 photos on an 8 Β½ by 11 page (each photo should be about 3 inches x 4 inches). Next, type the name and the grandchild's name at the bottom of each photo. Also add the native country of the ancestor. For example, underneath the photo of Great-grandpa James, we wrote "James G. Widdison, Scotland, Jelean's Great Grandfather."

3. Make two copies of each ancestor to be used in the games. Print on photo paper.

4. Laminate each page then cut out individual pictures. (I placed the card deck of ancestors in a small sturdy plastic box purchased at Wal-Mart.)

5. Use these cards to play games and teach children who their ancestors are!

Our children and grandchildren love the game. Our granddaughter Eva memorized most of the ancestors at age 4. She was tough to beat at "Memory." The family game became a great method of matching names of progenitors with their faces.

Here is a list of other ways to teach children about their heritage:

• Attach a map on the wall and have children take turns putting small flags on the countries their ancestors had come from and discuss with them their traditions, their language, and valued principles.

• Search your home for all the data you can find, then talk to older family members about your information. They might know of traditions, hobbies, occupations, and traits of their ancestors. Maybe your children possess some of the same traits. You might be able to find out their favorite foods. We discovered some of our ancestors settled in Star Valley Wyoming. Star Valley Pudding was a town favorite. The delicious recipe was passed on from generation to generation, and now it has greater meaning to our family

• Visit ancestry countries. Judy found family records in England. She made stops to cemeteries, homes, churches, etc. She had her photo taken next to her ancestors' various sites. She shared her findings, photos, and experiences with her children.

• After research, suggest children write a poem or story about one of their ancestors. Have them share their report with family members.

• Go on a drive with a grandparent or great grandparent. They may be able to point out old family homes, establishments, work places, churches, cemetery headstones of their deceased progenitors.

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