It wasn't him, it was me

One day, early in 2017, I realized certain things about my husband were annoying me more than they should, and I was focusing on those annoyances too much. Now, while I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who's ever experienced this phenomenon, realizing my attitude needed to change more than my husband's habits did was a humbling epiphany. I knew I needed to focus on making some changes in myself, but I didn't want to, and it took me a while to figure out how to make that needed attitude adjustment. But I finally did.

Changing my attitude

I'd read a book a few years earlier about how gratitude helped people be happier and wondered if changing my complaining attitude into a grateful one could help. One night, when I was less than happy with my husband and was about to begin my nightly prayers, I decided to thank God for one thing he had done that day.

After a few minutes pondering, I realized I was thankful my husband had unclogged the toilet. I knew it was clogged for several hours, but the smell had bothered my pregnant nose, so I ignored it. Him stepping up and taking care of that dirty job made me grateful.

When I ended my prayer, I realized I was happier than I'd been in a while. I also found myself realizing other things my husband had done right that day I could have thanked God for, but hadn't.

Living the goal

That night I determined to either make my life better through this new-found power of gratitude or prove the happiness I had discovered was a one-time occurrence. I decided to begin all my future nightly prayers by thanking God for something my husband had done each day.

For many days that effort was easy; it was like I was on a gratitude roll and nothing could stop me. I was grateful for a husband who ignored my pregnant moodiness and offered to put our kids to bed while I read a book. I was grateful for a husband who fixed the sprinkler head, again, after I ran over it, again, with the van. Days like those were easy to find things to be thankful for. But being grateful for my less-than-perfect husband was sometimes hard.

Sticking with the goal during tough times

Because neither my husband or myself are perfect, there were days when I wasn't grateful for him, or anything he did, at all. Instead I was upset with how wrong he was and how difficult it was to make him see how right I was. Usually those were the days we had argued, were tired or had just let life get to us. But still, I had a goal to complete, even though that goal was the last thing I wanted to do.

On nights when things were less than perfect, I sat stubbornly on my knees in silence, completely baffled about what I could possibly be thankful for about my husband. Eventually, because my knees were hurting, I found something my husband had done I was thankful for. Instead of my gleefully grateful prayers, those nightly prayers sounded more like, "Thank you, God, for a husband who went to work today. But sorry, that's the only nice thing I can say about him because he's not my favorite person right now." I hoped those prayers counted.

Fortunately, those negative nights became fewer and farther between as weeks became months of me focusing on thanking God for the positive things my husband had done. Because I was sincere about this little project of mine, I tried to find unique things about him to be grateful for that I hadn't mentioned previously. Little things like him making dinner or taking kids on errands became more magnified because I had formed a habit of looking and being grateful for them.

Personalize the gratitude goal for yourself

Try ending each day by deliberately being grateful for something your significant other has done. You can thank God, like I did, or you can physically list acts of kindness in a gratitude notebook. Whichever way you decide, see if purposefully being grateful can help you be a happier person and improve your relationship with the one who matters most.

The post One nightly habit (it isn’t what you think) that can make your marriage happier appeared first on FamilyToday.

Palm Sunday

The Sunday before Easter is known as Palm Sunday, the commemoration of Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem and the fulfillment of ancient prophecy.

On the day that would eventually be called Palm Sunday morning, Jesus started walked from Bethany, where he had been staying with friends, to Jerusalem, a distance of less than two miles. As he neared the city, he instructed two of his apostles to procure a donkey colt for him to ride on. He explained where they should go and what they should say to the owner of the donkey. They followed his instructions and the donkey was obtained. Jesus then rode the donkey into the city.

Jesus riding on a donkey, as opposed to a horse, was significant. Anciently, a king riding a horse meant he wanted to overthrow a nation. But when a king rode a donkey, it signified peace. So Jesus, the king of kings, entering Jerusalem on this animal of peace, fulfilled Isaiah's prophecy of the Savior being a "Prince of Peace." He also fulfilled Zechariah's prophecy of the Messiah riding upon a donkey's colt before saving the earth's inhabitants.

When Jesus came to the city, many people who had heard he was coming used their cloaks andpalm branches to pave his way along the road. When they saw him, they shouted in joy, "Hosanna!" Their shouts signified that these individuals recognized Jesus as the long-promised Messiah.

The Passover and Last Supper

This day is significant for both Jewish and Christian faiths. The Passover is the oldest and one of the most revered in Judaism. It commemorates when God delivered the Hebrews, Jewish ancestors, from slavery in Egypt. Although the exact date is unknown, approximately 4,000 years ago the Hebrew people were placed in bondage to their Egyptian masters. After several hundred years of slavery, Moses led the Hebrews out of Egypt and into freedom. The popular movie, "The Ten Commandments," dramatizes these events and tells many of the difficulties the Hebrew people underwent in order to leave Egypt.

Since then, the Passover has been a time when Jews remember the miracle of their forefathers' deliverance by eating a special meal together. This tradition was also true during Jesus' time in ancient Israel. The day before he was crucified, he and his disciples took part in a Passover meal at an event now known as the Last Supper or Maundy Thursday.

It was at this meal, when Jesus was with his disciples, that he washed their feet, foretold Judas' betrayal and Peter's denial of him. This was also the meal at which Jesus gave his great commandment of loving others as he had loved his disciples; it would also be the last time he ate with his disciples before being crucified.

After their meal together Jesus and his disciples went to the olive grove, known as Gethsemane. Here his solitary suffering was sointense that blood came from his pores. Soon after, his disciple-turned-traitor, Judas, arrived with armed guards to arrest Jesus and take him to the Sanhedrin.

Good Friday

The day Jesus was crucified is known as Good Friday. On this day Jesus was taken to the high priest's palace and there, in front of a large assembly of the highest Jewish leaders of the Sanhedrin, was struck and decreed guilty of death. He was then sent to Pilate, the Roman governor to receive a governmental death decree.

After questioning him, Pilate realized Jesus was from the Galilee area and not technically under his jurisdiction, so he sent him to Herod the king. Herod then questioned Jesus, had his soldiers mock him and sent him back to Pilate, instructing him to settle the matter.

Pilate still believed Jesus to be innocent, but he also knew many high-ranking individuals desired his death. So Pilate had his soldiers scourge Jesus. As part of their mockery they made a crown of thorns, placed it on Jesus' head and arrayed him with a purple robe; thereby scorning the title King of the Jews many had given him.

It was the tradition for the governor to release a prisoner during Passover time. Pilate asked the crowd if they wanted Jesus or another prisoner, whose name was Barabbas, to be released. Encouraged by the chief priests and elders in the crowd, the people chose Barabbas to be released and insisted upon Jesus' crucifixion. Giving in to their demands, Pilate literally washed his hands of the whole affair and agreed to crucify Jesus.

Jesus was then taken to a place called Golgotha, also known as Calvary. Here, his coat was removed and he was hung in the middle of three crosses. Two others were crucified that day, both of them thieves. After being on the cross for several hours, Jesus finally died. The soldiers, wanting to make certain he was truly dead, stabbed him in his side.

When his body was removed from the cross, it was taken by a man named Joseph of Arimathaea and laid to rest in a sepulcher. Because the Jewish Sabbath began that evening and there was a time constraint, Jesus' friends were unable to properly prepare his body for burial according to custom. So they decided to return the morning after the Sabbath to finish their preparations.

Little did they know when they returned that Easter morning that his body would be gone. Jesus had risen.

The post Understand the significant days of the Easter season appeared first on FamilyToday.

Panic set in. Were kindergartners supposed to question the reality of Santa? I hadn't prepared myself to have this life-changing talk with her so soon. That day, and several times later, I replied with vague answers then quickly changed the subject. Eventually she stopped asking, and I congratulated myself in helping her experience the Christmas magic for yet another year.

But that December she approached me, again. This time, she demanded I tell her the truth and accused me of changing the subject before. She wanted to know positively, one way or another, whether Santa was real. She had serious suspicions regarding who actually purchased the presents and ate Santa's plate of cookies and her parents were her prime suspects.

I realized I couldn't put the conversation off any longer, and called my husband into the room. We answered all her questions and fully disclosed the truth behind Santa. Yes, the presents were really provided by us, and we were the ones who ate the midnight snacks. At the close of our conversation, we were surprised by her reaction to our confessions. She was triumphant. She now had membership in the elusive Club of Santa Knowledge, something to which her younger siblings had not yet gained access.

Later, after telling this experience to some acquaintances, our actions were questioned. Weren't we ruining Christmas for our innocent daughter? Couldn't we have stretched the truth and told her Santa was real? Why hadn't we been vague and talked about the Spirit of Christmas?

Here's what I told them. Except without the bullet points.

Children need to be able to rely on their parents for the truth

Obviously, maturity should be taken into account. When dealing with young children, it can be inappropriate to delve into many subjects and details. However, just as we demand respect from our children, they deserve our respect, as well. When age is not an issue and they honestly inquire, we need to answer their questions as honestly as possible. Our frank conversation with our daughter helped solidify our continual promises that she could always count on us for the truth. While our daughter no longer believed in Santa, now she was the possessor of the more important knowledge that mom and dad don't lie.

It's important for children to approach parents first for information

Instead of overreacting to potentially uncomfortable questions, children need to know their parents are the best sources for information. Most parents hope their kids come to them, instead of others, about questions regarding sex, drugs and moral dilemmas. While questioning Santa's existence was a natural part of her growing up, I know as she matures into a teenager my daughter will continue to question more things about life. By laying the groundwork when they are young, our children are more likely to approach us, instead of others, about life's questions.

Christmas is about Christ, not Santa

Gently breaking Santa's reality to children by telling them about the spirit of Santa is seen by many as a great way to ease into the truthfulness of Christmas. However, by focusing on Santa, instead of Christ, we can actually end up hurting our children. Yes, mystery and magic behind Santa is fun. But, because kids are going to eventually find out the reality of Santa, it is important to teach the truth of Christ from the very beginning. We wouldn't ever want our children to wonder if our lies about Santa were connected to what we told them about Jesus Christ.

AgeĀ 6 is not always the perfect time to offer admittance into the Club of Santa Knowledge. Every child will become a member at a different age. Some people are positive we told our daughter the truth too young. Others think it is terrible she ever thought Santa was real. Obviously, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. However, children are never too young to learn they can count on their parents for honesty, to feel comfortable going to mom or dad with tough questions and to understand that Christ is the real meaning of Christmas.

Last year, my daughter asked if fairies were real. Remembering the previous Santa lesson, I bluntly told her that I did not think fairies were real at all. Despite our conversation, she adamantly continues her belief in all kinds of wee people. To each their own.

The post Discovering the truth behind Santa appeared first on FamilyToday.

I've lived with fibromyalgia for more thanĀ 15 years. During this time, I have been asked by many individuals how I've managed to live, what appears to be, a normal life.

First of all, most individuals who suffer from chronic illnesses don't live normal lives. But we do all have one thing in common: We can be pretty good at faking it. However, when pretending good health becomes exhausting, lifestyle changes need to be made. The following changes help me enjoy a life with less pain and less faking.

Make family your first priority

While this suggestion appears logical, it requires analyzing many actions and choices. If your family ends up being neglected because previous actions left you incapacitated, then something needs to change. By consciously putting your family first, the rest of these suggestions will make more sense and become easier.

Say "no."

Quit a committee and stop being the "go-to" babysitter. Stop volunteering for everything and stop seeing yourself as the only one who can successfully complete all those important projects. Besides, those tasks probably aren't as essential as they first appeared to be. Saying "no" may be difficult at first, and some people will be offended that you've stopped volunteering. But your true friends will continue their support and love even when you say "no."

Get ready for the day

I know those pajamas are comfy. But, if you are like me, you associate pajamas with being sick in bed. Take a shower and get dressed. Maybe even fix your hair. Women, put on some lip gloss. Tell yourself you won't let fibromyalgia rob you of your dignity. Dress in a manner in which you would be comfortable going out in public. Even if you stay at home all day, without seeing anyone other than your family, you can improve your mental well-being by showing your chronic illness you aren't sick enough to stay in pajamas.

Exercise

I used to laugh every time a doctor suggested exercise. Crawling up the stairs was painful, and that M.D. wanted me to go to the gym? Try low-impact, gentle exercises like walking or yoga. Don't think a particular exercise will help? Try it five times before giving up. What's the worst that could happen, pain? Well you've dealt with that before. If a particular exercise still doesn't help, try something else.

Get needed sleep

I know, you've heard this before. But sleep is absolutely vital to your health. If your body is hurting because life is so busy you can't get enough sleep, then something in your life - other than sleep - needs to give. Conversely, make sure you aren't staying in bed longer than is needed. Too much sleep can make you more lethargic and achy. Figure out the best amount of sleep for your body.

Fasting

There's a lot of hype, and truth, about the benefits of different vitamins and nutrients. But sometimes our bodies want a break from all the food. Try fasting for 24 hours, one day a month. If that's already something you're doing, then ramp it up to one day every other week or so. Fasting isn't new or strange. In fact, many major world religions have been doing it for hundreds of years to the benefit of their followers. Fasting has been proven to help people feel better and be happier. I have personally found that when I fast my body naturally craves healthier foods, facilitating other health-related goals.

Cut the sugar

You knew this would be on the list, right? We fibromyalgia sufferers are constantly tired. Our fatigue makes us crave the quick pick-me-up sugar provides. This means we love our candy, baked goods and sodas. But, surprise, all that processed sugar ends up hurting us more. While our sugar-highs are awesome, the crash in our energy supply is colossal. Honestly, my sugar intake is something I continually struggle with. Dang it, I love chocolate. But when I go a few days, or even a few weeks, without junk food I feel amazing.

Stop being a perfectionist

Be happy with wiping down the bathroom counter instead of cleaning the entire room. Your new mantra needs to be, "at least it is better than it was before." Tell yourself that although your yard may be full of weeds, at least the dishes got loaded into the dishwasher. If your cluttered house still causes you embarrassment when guests arrive, have a few places you can conveniently stash things until they leave. Remember that just because your body is behaving imperfectly doesn't mean the rest of your life has to make up for it.

Be honest with others

Tell people if you're having a hard day. I know, it's hard to do. We, fibros, love looking and acting like we've got it all together. But honesty really is necessary. Explain to those closest why you need to take it easy. Tell your sister-in-law you can't babysit her children anymore because holding her newborn is painful. Explain to your kids you need them to bring the groceries into the house because lifting the bags is too difficult. Let your spouse understand that if you want to concentrate on the speaker instead of the pain, sitting on the soft pew at church is imperative. Help others help you by being open and honest.

Don't let suffering from fibromyalgia define you as a person. Live in spite of it. Here are some other tips on how to survive and thrive with fibromyalgia.

The post 9 lifestyle changes for living with fibromyalgia appeared first on FamilyToday.

We're running a different, longer kind of race. Our goal isn't a t-shirt or a ribbon, we want to return to God. Our race of life is difficult at times, and we can often become discouraged. However, just as I needed physical endurance to complete a 10K, we need spiritual endurance to help us surmount the trials we will come across in our lives.

Dedication

There is no way finishing a 10K would have been possible unless I had been committed to my goal. It was only after dedicating myself to the task that I was able to overcome the many powerful temptations not to exercise. Already busy with the many responsibilities that come with having a family, I had to prioritize time to run.

Dedication is vital to obtaining spiritual endurance, as well. Making occasional, half-hearted attempts will not help our spirits be strong. It is only by committing ourselves and our families to following God that we will be able to obtain the spiritual endurance we strive for.

We can show God how dedicated we are by how we spend our time. Do we make spiritual time a necessity? Or is it easier to put those good intentions aside, telling ourselves that we'll start tomorrow? Being dedicated towards staying close to God will not only help us, but it will also help our families as the spirit of God enters our home, and our children learn by our example.

Self-discipline

While training for my 10K I often enjoyed my runs. However, there were numerous instances where, after the first mile, I wanted to turn back. Many times the lure of easier, less healthy activities was strong.

Spiritual self-discipline is also vital in our lives. Often, it is the little, seemingly harmless things that chip away at our families. Exerting our will over our desires can be difficult. But by constantly exercising our mental muscles, we will soon become spiritually powerful. When we have strong spiritual self-discipline our homes will be calmer, and we will have an easier time feeling God's love.

Spiritual self-discipline can have many outward appearances. For some, it can mean the strength to stay away from pornography. Others may receive help dealing with tempers, an alcohol addiction or in having a better attitude. Exerting discipline to obey God's laws can strengthen all aspects of our lives and those of our families.

Perseverance

Not long after completing my 10K I stopped running. When I tried to pick it back up I was shocked at how quickly my body had deteriorated. I could barely run a mile. I thought back to what my body had been capable of just a short time before, and I became sad when I realized the amount of physical endurance I had lost. However, I also understood what needed to be done in order to, again, be successful.

Spiritual perseverance behaves the same way. In order to compete against forces pulling us different ways, we need to maintain the spiritual health of ourselves and our families. Obviously there will be times when we fall short. But when we constantly strive to maintain our spiritual connection we will persevere.

Often family members can lose their spiritual endurance. When this happens we can help them persevere by continuing to love them. Things can look bleak sometimes, and we may be tempted to quit. But God has told us many times that he will always be there to welcome us back whenever we are ready to return.

The exhilaration I experienced when I completed my goal and crossed the finish line was amazing. All my dedication, self-discipline, and perseverance had finally paid off. However, I know the happiness felt that day will pale compared to the joy experienced when we cross the finish line of life's race and see God on the other side.

The post Training for spiritual endurance appeared first on FamilyToday.

Family scripture time

When David was a child he enjoyed evening family scripture time. He and his siblings would gather with their parents to listen while Dad read from the holy book. David's father read with enthusiasm, often making remarks like, "We're getting to my favorite part!" and "That chapter ended in a cliffhanger, should we read some more?" His father's excitement was contagious, and David's family enjoyed the time spent together.

When they became teenagers with more involved evening schedules, David's family switched their family scripture time to mornings. At times, David and his siblings complained about getting upĀ 10 minutes earlier to accommodate reading. But his parents persevered and continued to hold family scripture study. David's parents understood the power of bringing the word of God into their home. As David reached adulthood, he realized his parents' wisdom in habitually reading the scriptures. The teachings he learned from family scripture reading continue to bless David and his own young family today.

Adding scripture study to your family's routine can be tricky at first, but it is worth every sacrifice. Pick a time that works for your family. Some think mornings work best while others prefer evenings. No matter which time you choose, someone will likely have to change his schedule to accommodate the group. This might mean getting upĀ 10 minutes earlier or pausing evening activities to read the word of God. Depending on how social your family is, family scripture time could also mean inviting visitors to gather with you to read. Whatever the sacrifice, the key is to make family scripture time a top priority and persevere through difficulties.

If scripture reading is new, don't get discouraged over unfamiliar language and terminology. Just like learning any new subject, practice brings familiarity. Remember that the goal isn't to hurry and finish what you're reading, but rather to understand what is being said and bring the spirit of God into your home.

While some benefits of family scripture time will be seen immediately, others will take more time. Some families will find their children eager to read, others will be tempted to give up because of bad attitudes. Whatever the sacrifice, it will be well worth the spirit of God entering into the home as your family reads his word.

Family prayer

When David gathered with his family every morning and evening for family prayer, he often heard his parents mention their children by name, pleading that God watch over and protect them. If David had a test at school, his parents would ask God to help David remember what he had studied. If another child was ill, David's parents prayed for that child to regain her health. Through the daily prayers of his parents, David was reminded of their love. More importantly, those prayers helped David feel God's love and concern. As he matured, because family prayer was already part of his life, it was easy for David to make conversing with God a personal habit, as well.

There are many powers in the world attempting to influence our children in negative ways. Yet habitually having family prayer helps ensure that when our children leave home for the day, they do so knowing there is a higher power watching over them. There is a power and protection that can be found when families gather to utter prayers to God. Different from mealtime prayers, kneeling together as a family helps bring God into your home and soften hearts. Family prayer can also help children and teenagers become comfortable talking with God so later, during times of trouble, this habit will already be instilled, and they will be able to receive divine guidance.

The time commitment of family prayer and scripture study is a small one, usually requiring less than 10 minutes a day. However, these habits will help the power of God enter into homes, turning them into places of refuge for our children and families.

The post Creating a spiritual refuge for children appeared first on FamilyToday.

Respect toward spouse

Often, when about with her young children, one of Nancy's sons could be seen helping her with her coat. While this respectful act from young sons toward their mother may have surprised many, to the more observant - it did not. When he wasn't busy working, Nancy's husband, David, was always seen placing her coat over her shoulders. This small example, of how a husband helps and respects his wife, spoke volumes to David's young sons. They, in turn, merely followed their father's example.

It's often obvious when a child mimics the behavior of one of their parents. Parents, in turn, learn quickly to encode more delicate subjects. But what is difficult to hide is one parent's bad attitude towards another. If mom constantly rolls her eyes when dad talks, the kids will notice and follow. If dad sighs when mom is running late, the kids will pick up on that, too. By respecting each other, parents can not only help foster a spirit of love in their homes, they can also set an example of how their children will likely behave when they reach adulthood and have spouses, as well.

Respect toward children

"Not right now!" is a phrase often said to young children eager for our attention. As busy parents, it can be easy to respond to children's constant calls for attention in a disrespectful manner. While it is not always appropriate to respond to all their needs immediately, it is possible and important to put them off respectfully. It can take many efforts, but if we focus on the worth of our children and of our deep love for them, respectfully responding to their queries can become habitual.

Often, it is the misalignment of priorities that is behind our disrespect towards our children. Wanting some time to ourselves after a long day at work, the desire to finish reading a paragraph or running late for an appointment all cause us to grow short and disrespectful towards our kids. Yet, if a visiting dignitary took the place of these small ones, it is unlikely we would treat them in a disrespectful manner.

Our children are visiting dignitaries. Sent from God to live in our homes, they will one day mature and leave to start families of their own. By reprioritizing what is really important in our lives, we can make it easier to be respectful towards some of our most prized possessions: our children.

Respect toward parents

One day, Ariana told her mother, "I don't think it was right when you yelled at me to not yell. If I can't yell, you shouldn't either." Her mother's first response was to explain the differences between the yelling rule for parents and the yelling rule for kids. Then she realized it would be hypocritical to have two different standards. She swallowed her pride and apologized to her daughter. Showing this respect towards her child helped open a door of communication between the two. Mother and daughter were able to talk about the need both had to lower their voices and show respect.

The saying, "what goes around, comes around" can be aptly applied towards helping children understand the need for parental respect. Children are sensitive towards hypocrisy. When we demand respect from them, without giving it ourselves, they will see right through our dishonest behavior. While making mistakes as parents is a certainty, our behaviors toward such errors can help our children learn to respect us.

Respect toward siblings

Liz noticed harmony in her home was lacking because she and her brothers were constantly fighting. Instead of helping one another, these siblings looked for ways to annoy. One day, discouraged over the lack of relationship with her brothers, Liz decided to try to change the harmony in her home. She vowed to start treating her siblings with more love and respect. While difficult at first, after months of perseverance, Liz's patience and long-suffering towards her brothers eventually reaped rewards when they began to reciprocate. Their home dynamic changed, and the once foresworn blood enemies were now best friends and protectors. Their close relationship helped them outside their home, as well. The siblings watched out for one another at school and cheered during extracurricular activities. Because of the respect they gave each other, Liz and her brothers became each other's best friend.

Growing up with siblings can add fun and adventure to life but it can also lead to a chaotic environment in the home. While it is easy and popular for older children and teenagers to focus more on friends, our siblings should never be forgotten as our first companions. Maintaining love and respect towards these close relations is important and needful both as children and continuing into adulthood. Siblings can be powerful influences for good and instigators of respectful relationships.

Harmony in our homes will never be perfect. But it can get better. When we make the effort to bring more respect into our homes through our relationships with our spouses, children, parents and siblings, love and peace can follow.

The post Cultivating respect in families appeared first on FamilyToday.

After a few months at the university, all Katherine's dreams came crashing to a halt. Diagnosed with a chronic illness, debilitating pain took over. Her health forced her out of school and she spent most of her time at home, in bed.

On a good day Katherine wasn't able to walk more than several steps without resting. Bad days consisted of her in bed, writhing in pain. At first friends visited, but their attentions soon brought emotional torment as everyone around her lived in ways Katherine knew she could never enjoy again.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, a former German Chief Pilot for Lufthansa Airlines, said, "Our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward." Just like Katherine, we often find obstacles in the way of our dreams. However, all is not lost as long as we continue striving to reach our goals.

The number of times we stumble

The next years brought further disappointments for Katherine as her health interfered with her life. Half-dozen jobs came and went while a second attempt at the university ended in another failure. Determined to pursue her education, Katherine transferred out of her preferred university, moved home and attended school closer to where her family lived. But two more university efforts failed.

When met with challenges, we have two options: we can either give up or we can fight for what we want. Often, our trials can be viewed by others as reasonable excuses to let go of our life dreams. Many people, trying to help, may even encourage us to stop trying because they worry how potential failures will affect us. But when we stop attempting to succeed in life we ultimately hurt ourselves, often giving in to the depression that comes with failure and neglected goals. Only when we accept our guaranteed future stumbles will we be able to see them for what they are: merely setbacks along our journey to success.

Rise up

Eventually Katherine realized her long-distance service opportunity was a physical impossibility, one her body would never survive. Seeing her distress, her mother challenged her to serve those nearby. Katherine volunteered to help her church with projects at home. The oldest child, Katherine found simple ways to serve her family by reading to younger siblings, helping them with homework and spending unhurried time with them.

The idea of serving others while enduring our own struggles can at times seem illogical and unimportant. However, there is a power that comes to individuals who consistently make service part of their lives, regardless of their own personal circumstances. While working toward our personal goals is rewarding, the experiences gained from serving others are lessons impossible to learn elsewhere. The only way to truly understand the soul-magnifying experience of service is to do it.

The service we give others doesn't have to consist of huge, time-consuming hours. Taking the time to listen, being patient in a long line, or reading a story to a child are small acts most can do. There are opportunities to serve all around us, most of which can be found within the walls of our homes. Serving in our homes isn't the most glamorous of projects and often is done without recognition. But the relationships we forge within our families are the ones that ultimately give us the greatest peace and enjoyment throughout our lives.

Dust off

Often bedridden, Katherine changed majors and chose one that would allow her to take distance education classes at home. While she would never become a doctor, she was determined to continue her education.

It can beĀ OK to change our dreams, especially if those dreams mature and change for the better. Changing goals does not mean we've failed, it instead means we have chosen a different path. It is important to have dreams so our souls can have something to attain to. No matter the challenging circumstances, not having goals can cripple us spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Good goals help our spirits soar as we attempt to push ourselves in ways to better ourselves and others.

Move forward

Finally, after 15 years, Katherine became the recipient of a university diploma. The only scholastic consistency in her life was that she never gave up. By the time Katherine earned her diploma she had attended five different universities, had many bouts of unemployment, worked a dozen different jobs, gotten married and had three children. Her path toward education had changed many times, but she had consistently moved forward along it, steadfastly working toward her goal. While Katherine never was able to serve in a faraway land, she instead saw the good that came from her changed plans as an opportunity to forge stronger family bonds.

If often doesn't matter when we reach our goals, only that we reach them. As we continually stumble and rise along life's paths we learn from our trials and mistakes. The act of persevering, no matter how slowly, is important. Often, it is only at the end of our road that we realize how those trials actually helped mold us into the courageous people we are. Don't lose heart; dust off and move forward.

The post Determining our destiny appeared first on FamilyToday.

One of the first prayers that I ever remember praying happened shortly after I watched the movie "Superman." My imagination soared as I saw the "Man of Steel" flying over the clouds and lifting trains without breaking a sweat. I wanted to be just like him!

I had learned in Sunday School that we could pray and ask God for anything and Jesus had said that anything we ask for "in his name,"we would receive. I decided to put that to the test so I went out into our backyard and climbed onto a big rock that was around three feet high. I looked around to make sure nobody was watching and then I closed my eyes and prayed the most passionate prayer I had ever prayed before:

"Lord, it's me, Dave. You said in your Bible that I could ask for anything in Jesus' name and you'd do it. Now, I've never asked for much, but this is really, really important. God, I'm going to jump off this rock, and I'm asking you to make me fly like Superman. Just like in the movie. I know you can do it! Please. Oh yeah...In Jesus' Name." I finished my prayer and I help my hands out like a Superhero and I took a literal leap of faith off of that rock and then...I flew!

Just kidding. I came crashing down to the ground. My pride and my faith were wounded, but I figured that maybe I had prayed wrong, so I climbed back on the rock and tried praying a variation of my original prayer, but the results were the same. It was disappointing, but I just figured that regular people weren't meant to be superheroes, because Jesus is the only one of us who is perfect.

As I got a little older and became more serious about learning God's word, I stumbled across a line in Jesus' Sermon on the Mount that stopped me in my tracks. It seemed to contradict everything I thought I knew about human limitations and I couldn't wrap my head around it. Jesus said, "But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." Matthew 5:48

My first thought was, "WHAT?!" I was completely confused. It seemed like Jesus was saying that we were supposed to overcome all of our human limitations and shortcomings and be real-life superheroes. I pictured churches becoming places where everyone showed up dressed in tights and capes with perfect hair, bodies, minds and supernatural superpowers too. Maybe I really could fly off that rock in my backyard!

That whole thought was a mystery to me until I read another very familiar passage of Scripture that finally brought clarity: "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!" Philippians 4:13

The call to perfection is an impossible task in our own strength, but I believe this is precisely the point. One of the most consistent lessons of the Bible is that we need to go through life connected to Christ. He is the vine, and we are the branches. He is the Head, and we are the Body. Over and over, we are taught that we can do nothing apart from him, but through Him, we can accomplish anything.

So get out there and change the world! God didn't create you to sit on the sidelines. He wants you to take His love and Grace into this broken world and change the world in the process. You can be a real-life Superhero (without having to wear tights)!

This article was originally published on Patheos. It has been republished here with permission.

The post How to be perfect appeared first on FamilyToday.

One day, when he was in his early 60s, Larry went to his doctor for a checkup. Blood work showed he was pre-diabetic. As the doctor broke the diagnosis to Larry, he also explained the potential life-changes that would follow due to this self-inflicted disease. Scared for his health and its effects on his family and future, Larry vowed to never eat candy or dessert again. He began exercising more and slowly lost much of his excess weight.

A few years later found Larry at another checkup. This time he mentioned to his doctor that, while exercising, he felt unusually winded. Another test verified several of the arteries in Larry's heart were blocked and a triple bypass surgery was required. After his surgery, doctors explained how beneficial Larry's previous lifestyle changes had been. If he hadn't exercised self-mastery earlier, it was likely Larry would have discovered his heart condition via a heart attack and possible death.

Dr. Russell M. Nelson, a retired heart surgeon and one of the pioneers in aortic valve replacement, declared, "A strong human spirit with control over appetites of the flesh is master over emotions and passions and not a slave to them." Larry's days of unhealthy eating were enjoyable but he found greater, more lasting, happiness when he exercised self-mastery.

Use and misuse of appetites

We have strong, God-given appetites. Whether sexual, physical, emotional or spiritual, our bodies naturally crave certain things. The sexual appetite helps populate the earth. Our desire for food helps us live. The desire to be loved helps nurture our families. Our need for a spiritual connection helps us strive to be closer to God.

However, any time our natural appetites are misused we find ourselves in trouble. Giving into sexual temptations can bring about illness, fractured families and broken hearts. Too little, or an overabundance of, food is unhealthy for our bodies. Deviating from appropriate love or withholding love can be damaging and has the possibility of perpetuating through generations. When we attempt to fill our spiritual needs with anything other than God, our retarded efforts never truly satisfy our souls. Not only do our bad habits hurt us, but they harm our families as well. Overcoming our vices will be beneficial for us personally and will help encourage and strengthen our families.

Master a smaller issue first

It's easy to look at our self-mastery problems and decide our weaknesses are too strong, the temptations are too hard and that we'll never be able to rule over our appetites. But gaining self-mastery over large temptations can be easier when we focus on something smaller first.

Many people struggle with smoking. Addicted to this harmful habit, they wish they could stop. But nicotine is a powerful drug, one that traps its users and makes it difficult for them to leave alone. Quitting this habit, however, can be made easier by giving up a few meals.

Let's say an individual, Mary, smokes two packs of cigarettes a day and would like to stop. However, she is very hesitant to do so even though she worries about the example she is setting for her children. Maybe she's tried in the past to conquer this habit and has met with disappointment. Now, not only does Mary feel guilty and self-conscious over her nicotine habit, but she also battles with feelings of failure over past efforts.

One way we can practice controlling our appetites is through fasting. When we fast, we are exerting control over one of our very basic corporeal needs: eating food. Going without this food causes discomfort and forces us to exert our mental muscles as we force reason over appetites.

When used correctly, fasting can help us grow closer to God. The practice of fasting has been extolled by Plato, Socrates and Galen. Today, every major religious group practices fasting for spiritual benefits. Not only can fasting be physically beneficial, but when coupled with prayer and meditation, it can be extremely spiritually rewarding and mentally invigorating.

If Mary were to implement fasting two to three consecutive meals once or twice a month, she would start strengthening her self-mastery. After making fasting a habit, she would quickly realize just how capable she is. She would soon feel not only empowered, but closer to God. Eventually, once she became comfortable with fasting, Mary would be ready to tackle her nicotine habit. But now she would be armed with the knowledge of how powerful her spirit is. She would have a greater understanding of her mental will-power and a history of fasting examples to buoy her up.

Making mistakes

Changing our natural inclinations, especially those that stubbornly persist, can be difficult and at times depressing. We'll make mistakes, many of them, as we try to overcome our cravings. When errors are made we need to try again. Often those errors can be useful tools, helping us analyze what may be faulty with our previous attempts and leading us to change tactics. It is only when we dwell on mistakes, instead of learning from them, that they become hindrances. When we rebound from our mistakes, not only do our spirits persevere, but our children learn from our examples that quitting is never an option.

True freedom

Many think real freedom means doing whatever their hearts desire. But actions have consequences. For years Larry thought he enjoyed freedom over food because he ate whatever he wanted. What he didn't realize, until it was almost too late, was that his choices came with serious side effects for himself and his family. Just like Larry, our physical appetites have consequences attached to them as well. Whether we enjoy the rewards from our self-mastery or experience repercussions from its lack, is up to us. Happiness is just around the corner; by exerting our wills now we can find it sooner.

The post Finding happiness through self-mastery appeared first on FamilyToday.