Asma Rehman – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Thu, 10 Sep 2020 02:31:29 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Asma Rehman – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 If you are really in love, your brain will do this (I would never have imagined it) https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/if-you-are-really-in-love-your-brain-will-do-this-i-would-never-have-imagined-it/ Sun, 07 Jan 2018 09:33:05 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/if-you-are-really-in-love-your-brain-will-do-this-i-would-never-have-imagined-it/ As it turns out, falling in love has more in common with a chemistry class than a romance novel.

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When we fall in love, we give our heart to someone special. From the way we talk about love and romance in our culture, you would think that it had everything to do with your heart and nothing to do with your brain.

Well, you'd be wrong.

In fact, falling in love has a profound impact on your brain and its chemistry - when it comes to love, you could never have imagined the role that the brain plays.

Falling in love

When we're first attracted to someone, it may be more about lust than love. However, even in the early stages of dating, our brains are prepping us to fall in love.

It all comes down to the two key chemicals that your brain releases, and one that decreases. The first is dopamine, also known as the "happiness hormone". This hormone makes us feel happy and elated. When we're attracted to someone, this same hormone makes us want to be with that person all the time.

The second chemical that plays a role is a neurotrophin called nerve growth factor. It makes us feel emotionally dependent on the person we're attracted to, increasing our desire to be with them.

The third factor is that your body decreases its production ofserotonin. That might seem like a bad thing - serotonin deficiency has been linked to depression - but it has to do with sexual desire. When your serotonin levels drop, your libido ramps up.

The combination of these chemicals (think of them as a falling-in-love cocktail) is what makes new couples feel infatuated with one another. In some ways, the chemical balance of new lovers resembles that of people who have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ... New couples really are obsessed with one another.

Staying in love

Once you've been together for a while and the initial infatuation stage passes, your brain still continues to manage the balance of chemicals it releases to keep you in love.

First, your dopamine levels decrease. You won't feel the same euphoria you did at the beginning, but the decrease in dopamine encourages long-term commitment.

Next, your production of serotonin increases. Your sexual desire may decrease a bit, but the rise in your serotonin levels promotes a healthy, non-needy commitment that can endure the test of time.

At the same time, your production of nerve growth factor decreases, which makes a healthy attachment possible.

Another chemical that plays a role is oxytocin, which is a hormone that's released when people bond or connect physically. It's also known as the cuddle hormone - it helps you feel close to your partner after kissing, hugging or being intimate.

Long-term commitment

The final piece of the chemical equation we call love is what happens when we stay in a long-term relationship.

Dopamine levels continue to drop, and in most cases, that means that couples feel less excitement than they did in the early stages of their relationship. However, that doesn't mean that chemistry isn't still playing a role.

For both men and women, a chemical called corticotropin-releasing factor, or CRF, plays a role in creating a feeling of loyalty. It's released when you're separated from your partner - in fact, it's what makes you miss them when they're away.

Men also benefit from the release of something called vasopressin. Its primary job is to help your kidneys, but it turns out that it also encourages feelings of loyalty and territoriality in men. One study looked at what happened when vasopressin was suppressed in prairie voles, and the normally monogamous animals began to cheat on their partners.

There's a reason we call it chemistry

Falling in love is a lot like being in the hands of a chemist. Your body increases or decreases chemical levels to create the right atmosphere for falling - and staying - in love.

So, the next time you feel yourself falling for someone, remember that you're not doing it alone. Your brain is hard at work, mixing up a chemical love cocktail to help you.

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6 ways to get someone who’s been DEEPLY broken to trust you https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/6-ways-to-get-someone-whos-been-deeply-broken-to-trust-you/ Mon, 13 Nov 2017 15:42:12 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/6-ways-to-get-someone-whos-been-deeply-broken-to-trust-you/ If you're trying to gain the trust of someone who has been broken, use these six tips.

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You've hurt someone, and you want to regain their trust. Or, maybe there's someone in your life who's been hurt by someone else and seems reluctant to trust you despite your reassurances.

No matter the situation, trust must be earned. When someone has been deeply hurt or betrayed, it's understandable that they might have difficulty trusting again. They know the price of giving their trust to someone who wasn't worthy of it - they learned that lesson the hard way.

Whether you betrayed someone's trust or want to gain the trust of someone who is afraid to give it, there are some things you can do to earn their trust:

1. Take responsibility for your actions

This first suggestion applies if you are the one who hurt the person whose trust you want to earn. You cannot begin to rebuild trust without acknowledging the part you played in eroding it.

Taking responsibility for your actions means more than offering an apology. If you've ever scoffed at the lame apology of a politician or celebrity, you know what we mean. If you say, "I'm sorry if I hurt you" or "I'm sorry I did that, but..." you're not really apologizing.

When you betray someone's trust, it's not fair to dilute your apology with excuses or distance yourself from it. Acknowledge what you did wrong and apologize, sincerely, for doing it. Skip the justifications - this isn't the time for them.

2. Understand why you did what you did

When you hurt somebody, it's not enough to apologize. The injured party may ask questions and you should be prepared to answer them after you apologize.

Here again, it's not fair to deflect the blame. There may be other issues in your relationship, but this isn't the time to air them. Now is the time to get to the bottom of why and how you hurt them.

It's also essential to understand why you behaved the way you did so you can avoid repeating your mistake in the future. A little introspection goes a long way.

3. Communicate clearly

One of the key components of trust is communication. If you play word games or keep your feelings to yourself, you can't expect to clearly communicate. People who have been hurt tend to be guarded and defensive. They may have a hard time expressing what they want because they think it makes them vulnerable.

It's your job to be as communicative and expressive as possible. Your openness and willingness to communicate demonstrates that you are worthy of trust.

4. Be honest

You can't build trust with someone who's been hurt if you're not willing to be honest. That means that you:

  • Say what you mean

  • Do what you say you'll do

  • Don't play games

  • Don't engage in passive-aggressive behavior or bullying

Your honesty is essential if you want to rebuild (or build) trust with someone who's been hurt. Any kind of deception can diminish their trust in you - and if you've already hurt them, a lack of honesty might be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

5. Be kind

Mark Twain once said, "Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." Kindness truly is universal.

When someone has been deeply hurt, kindness is the one thing that may be able to heal their wounds. Honesty is essential, but coupling it with kindness ensures that others will be able to hear your words and accept them with open hearts.

Before you say anything, ask yourself if it is kind. If it isn't, then find another way to say it.

6. Be patient

Rebuilding trust takes time. If you are not responsible for hurting someone, it's natural to think they should trust you because you're not the one who hurt them.

However, you must be patient. When someone has been deeply broken, they can't and won't heal overnight. They need time to learn how to trust again.

Ultimately, your kindness and persistence can prove that you're worthy of your loved one's trust. You can't rush trust, but you can give it fertile ground to grow.

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5 behaviors of a covert narcissist https://www.familytoday.com/self-care/5-behaviors-of-a-covert-narcissist/ Wed, 18 Oct 2017 01:46:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-behaviors-of-a-covert-narcissist/ A narcissistic personality disorder can bring problems to many aspects of a person's life. This can include relationships, work, school…

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A narcissistic personality disorder can bring problems to many aspects of a person's life. This can include relationships, work, school or financial matters.

A narcissist can feel upset or disappointed when not given the admiration they believe they deserve. Others may not enjoy being around them, which can lead to short-term friendships or other relationships.

A narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disease where people have an inflated idea of their importance, a profound need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.

Recognized symptoms

Many professionals use the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) to diagnose narcissism.

The DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder includes the following:

  • Arrogant behavior
  • Preoccupied with illusions about success, brilliance or beauty
  • Demands continuous praise from others
  • Easily envious of what others have
  • Exaggerates achievements and talents
  • Expects to be recognized as superior even without results to support it
  • Expects others to meet their needs without question
  • Shows an inflated sense of entitlement
  • Feel superior to others and believes they can only be understood by equally superior people
  • Takes advantage of others to reach personal goals
  • Unwilling or unable to perceive the needs and feelings of others

According to the manual, a patient only needs to exhibit any five of these to be considered for diagnosis.

What makes a covert narcissist?

One characteristic that both extrovert and introvert narcissists share is their use of an outer veneer of self-importance. They use this trait to camouflage their inner sense of helplessness.

Preston Ni, author of the book How to Successfully Handle Narcissists, says not every narcissist will openly demonstrate the above characteristics. The extroverted narcissist will be open and "honest" in their behavior to let people know they think they are better than everyone else. The introverted narcissist will be subtle and instead just hint at it, albeit very strongly.

While many introverts are not narcissistic, the people who are may have a way of manipulating the other people around them. This results in the feelings of those around them to feel insecure or off balance, sometimes both.

Below are five signs of a covert narcissist as described by Ni:

1. Quiet smugness or superiority

Covert narcissists are more challenging to identify. They often choose to observe what's happening around them instead of engaging. They may also prefer to half-listen instead of speaking. Their quieter type of superiority complex shows itself via reserved detachment and disturbing nonverbal cues.

Additionally, they may not outwardly express any negativity they are feeling, but instead, will give off a sense of their irritation or annoyance through body language. Examples of this may include glares, lack of eye contact, rolling their eyes or other dismissive gestures.

2. Self-absorption

While many "normal" introverts are quiet but also good listeners, introvert narcissists are typically bad listeners. One of the most frequent characteristics of an introverted narcissist is "withdrawn self-centeredness."

This type of behavior presents itself by the narcissist making a quick appraisal of the environment they find themselves in. If they find it uninteresting and therefore unworthy of their notice, they will take lengths to block everything out.

3. Lack of empathy

Narcissists are typically uncaring toward or even unaware of other people's feelings and ideas.

4. Passive-aggressiveness

Passive-aggressive behavior refers to an individual's indirect resistance to other's demands. If a narcissist doesn't like your idea, they'll avoid confrontation in an effort to shrug it off. They will often deal with disagreeable things in passive-aggressive ways.

5. Highly sensitive

May introverted narcissists are very sensitive. They are often offended by signs of criticism, real and imaginary. When this happens, they will hide how upset they actually are.

When to see a doctor

The Mayo Clinic tells us that people with narcissistic personality disorder will most likely seek treatment only when they develop signs of depression. Unfortunately (or fortunately, if it leads to treatment) depression or excessive anxiety can arise from narcissistic personality disorder.

If you notice aspects of your personality that are common to a narcissistic personality disorder or covert narcissism, or if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by sadness, reach out to a trusted doctor or mental health provider.

If you know someone who exhibits many of these traits, and now shows signs of depression, encourage them to seek help. Getting the right treatment can help make your life and the lives of those around you more comfortable, rewarding and enjoyable.

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7 signs he’s carrying a secret emotional load https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/7-signs-hes-carrying-a-secret-emotional-load/ Sat, 23 Sep 2017 05:15:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/7-signs-hes-carrying-a-secret-emotional-load/ When it comes to expressing emotions, some men hide theirs in an unhealthy way. Could your man be one of…

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Just as our society often expects girls to be feminine, it expects boys to be masculine. From a very young age, boys are taught that showing emotions is something to be avoided.

The problem with that attitude is that young boys whose emotions are waved off often grow into men who hide their emotions to a degree that's unhealthy. Could your man be one of them?

Here are seven signs he might be.

1. His sleep pattern changes

Is he suddenly sleeping much more than usual? Or is he having trouble falling or staying asleep?

A pronounced change in sleep is also a warning sign of stress and depression. When a man feels anxious or overburdened, he may sleep to get away from his thoughts - or lie awake worrying about his problems.

2. He can't concentrate

The human stress response hijacks the brain, making it nearly impossible to think of anything except the source of our stress. A man who seems absent-minded or has a hard time paying attention to important things may be carrying negative emotions.

Anybody can be distracted some of the time, but a persistent pattern of forgetfulness and lack of attention is a sign there's a problem.

3. He's more irritable than usual

When stress runs high, patience tends to run low. For some men, emotional distress can manifest itself as anger. They spend so much time hiding whatever it is that's upsetting them that it spills out into other areas of their lives.

If you notice that the man in your life is crankier than usual or behaving in an angry or aggressive manner, the anger might be a coping mechanism for an underlying emotional problem that needs to be addressed.

4. He's drinking more than usual

Alcohol has a numbing effect on the emotions. In fact, emotional numbing is a primary cause of alcoholism. People drink to mute fears and anxieties.

If you notice a big uptick in the frequency and volume of your partner's drinking, it could be an indicator that he's struggling emotionally. If he's afraid to talk about his feelings, drowning them might seem like the next best option.

5. He's indecisive

Indecision might not seem to be a sign of emotional overload, but it can be. When strong emotions take over, it can be difficult to think clearly, evaluate options and make decisions.

Indecision on its own might not mean that a man needs help, but if it's combined with one of the other signs on this list, then it might be time to ask him what's going on and have him seek appropriate treatment.

6. He's avoiding sex, or unable to have it at all

For many men, emotional distress and erectile dysfunction go hand-in-hand. While there's a tendency to think of a man's sexual arousal as being simpler than a woman's, there's still a strong link between a man's emotional health and sexual desire and performance.

It's natural for a man's libido to fluctuate at times. But if your man suddenly has no interest in sex - or is struggling with erectile dysfunction - then it could be because he's upset about something and not talking about it.

7. He talks about suicide

The most serious sign that a man is emotionally overloaded is if he talks about hurting or killing himself. Men are nearly four times as likely as women to die by suicide, and it's important not to dismiss such talk as a joke or exaggeration.

Talking about suicide can be a scary thing for both partners. It might be tempting to avoid the topic - and your man might wave you away if you bring it up. However, you should take such talk seriously. People who take their own lives often talk about it beforehand.

If you suspect that your man is contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255 or visit their website by clicking here. If he's not willing to call, you can still call to talk to someone about what your next steps should be.

The most important thing you can do if you suspect your man is carrying a secret emotional burden is to let him know that you love him and you're willing to help. He may feel isolated and helpless, but your love and support - along with some help from a trained professional - can help him process his emotions and get his life back on track.

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The 6 things your children want you to know before divorcing their father https://www.familytoday.com/family/the-6-things-your-children-want-you-to-know-before-divorcing-their-father/ Fri, 18 Aug 2017 08:13:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/the-6-things-your-children-want-you-to-know-before-divorcing-their-father/ Divorce is tough on the whole family, especially kids. Though your kids might not be able to tell you, there's…

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When people ask kids about their feelings during a divorce, they often clam right up. Fortunately, if you ask adults whose parents divorced when they were kids, they are full of information about how they felt back then.

Below are a number of things grown-up kids of divorce have shared that your own kids might be unable to share with you, either because they don't want to or because they don't really know themselves.

Basic behavior requests

1. Your kids are not therapists

In this difficult time, you're going to need a sympathetic ear and sometimes a shoulder to cry on. When this happens, contact a friend or even a professional counselor. This will be in your and your kids best interest.

2. Your unhappiness with their father rubs off on them

Even though the initial transition will probably be difficult, your kids won't be happier if you stay together. In fact, it could be the opposite. Being constantly stuck in the middle of two quarreling adults or abusive behavior can have a very toxic effect on your child that can result in long-term emotional damage.

3. Your kids don't want to see you cry

Children feel helpless when they don't know what to do, and they don't have a clue how to make you feel better. Again, turn to a trustworthy friend or a professional. If you have a regular venue where you can expel your negative feelings, there will be less chance of breaking down around your kids.

4. Don't make them choose

Your kids want to love you and your ex-spouse. It's important that you remember he will still be their father. Try to create the best possible custody arrangement that allows your child to spend time with you and your ex.

5. Avoid the "me vs. him" scenario

When it comes to raising your kids, you don't have to be married to be a team. Do your best to make joint decisions regarding raising your children.

6. Don't discourage your ex-spouse from attending activities

Your kids will still want both of you at their games and other school and social events, even if it's not dad's week for visitation.

BUT if you are dealing with domestic abuse, remember these 4 things:

In the case of escaping a domestic abuse situation, several of the previous items will not apply. You can get more help and information from The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 and on their website.

1. Look at the signs in front of you

People who are in an abusive relationship sometimes can't see it. Recognizing the signs of abuse is the first step in getting all of you out of there and into a better environment.

Abuse isn't limited to physical harm and possible injury. Abuse comes in different forms, including sexual abuse, emotional abuse and mental abuse. Signs include being forced to do sexual acts you're not comfortable with, being called names or being threatened by your spouse.

2. It's NOT your fault

You need to know that abuse is never your fault. The choice to be abusive is your spouse's, not yours.

3. No one benefits from staying in an abusive relationship

If there was ever a time to ignore the argument, "You're staying for the kids' sake," this is it. Your children will not benefit from you staying in an abusive relationship, even if they aren't being abused themselves.

4. Take care of yourself

As a victim of abuse, you may feel you don't deserve love or care, not even from yourself. This couldn't be further from the truth. Make an effort to do things to nurture yourself both physically and mentally. This could include exercise, reading, finding a new hobby or better yet, taking up a hobby that may have been put aside during the marriage.

How leaving an abusive relationship will help your kids

Statistics show that divorce negatively impacts kids. However, there are certain situations where divorce really would be the best option for you and your children. If you're in an abusive situation, it's best to get out for your family's safety. Plus, your kids might learn a few things along the way.

11. It can teach your kids how to leave an abusive relationship

Contrary to John Lennon's, "All You Need is Love," when abuse is involved, love isn't enough. If you have the courage to walk away from an abusive relationship, it could someday help your kids make a similar step if it's needed.

12. They can learn the importance of moving on

When your children see you leave an abusive relationship and improve your life, they learn how to move on from less than ideal situations that compromise their safety.

13. They learn what abusive relationships look like

When you're in an abusive relationship, it's often hard to spot the signs that it's a bad situation. But when your kids experience it firsthand and watch you pull yourself out of it, they learn what signs to look for to avoid getting in the same type of relationship.

14. It can expand the definition of family

When divorce happens, people have a habit of coming out of the woodwork to help out. Parents of your kids' friends, extended family on both sides and your own friends will make themselves available to you and your kids to offer support. This can build closer relationships that will last for years.

From start to finish, there are many things your kids want you to know as you take the step to end your marriage, even if they don't know it themselves. Watch for signs and try your best to listen if your kids attempt to communicate how they're feeling.

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The top 7 reasons why relationships fail https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/the-top-7-reasons-why-relationships-fail/ Tue, 13 Dec 2016 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/the-top-7-reasons-why-relationships-fail/ When you're at the end of your life and you look back, what's going to be the indicator of a…

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More often than not, a happy life has to do with the quality of your relationship with your sweetheart.

With so much work that is put in to them, relationships are difficult to lose. So the question is, why do some relationships fail?

Let's take a look at these 7 reasons:

1. Not putting your relationship first

Society doesn't teach us to value our relationships or about the daily commitment that healthy relationships require. Sometimes our careers and our kids take the lead and our relationships come third, fourth, or even tenth on the list of obligations.

Relationships take quality time and commitment. For example, if you stop having sex, the desire to will completely fade, or if you stop talking about your hopes and dreams with your spouse, you will grow further apart.

Just like with most things in life, you receive what you give.

2. You seek external validation

Sometimes people are not comfortable with who they are and they end up looking for validation through a significant other. When your sense of self is constantly unstable, you look for validation elsewhere.

When you don't have a clear sense of who you are or what you want in life, you will forever keep trying to mold yourself to become what you think other people want to be. Relationships are about loving and accepting one another as you truly are.

3. Low self-esteem

For both partners to feel valued and secure in a relationship, they both need to have self-esteem and feel secure with who they are. When a person has low self-esteem, they depend on a relationship for security, which can backfire and lead to doubt. Having confidence in yourself and in your significant other is the healthiest thing you can do for your relationship.

4. Infidelity

This one is obvious...

5. Controlling behavior

If both partners in a relationship are not equal, it can cause conflict. However, it's not as clear-cut and may take some time to manifest in the relationship.

Controlling behavior can fall under the desire or need to control one another's finances, needing the other's permission to do something or making decisions without consulting each other first.

6. Narcissism

There is no room for selfish behavior in a relationship. Narcissist's only look out for their personal interests and don't care about their spouse's day-to-day life.

This, in turn, can build resentment as the selfish individual constantly uses charm and manipulation to get what they want.

Relationships are partnerships, which means they are based on compassion and compromise. If one half of the relationship refuses to compromise and leaves the other person out, things will not end well.

7. Money

Money by itself isn't going to break up a relationship, but how both of you manage it will. Couples who fight over their finances and degrade one another on how their expenses are used are setting their relationships up for failure. If one partner blames the other for debts or for not pulling their weight, anger, blame and resentment can start to settle in.

Relationships are complicated, but they also evolve. Sure, all these 7 reasons by can bring a relationship to a end, but at the same time they can also be avoided with awareness and a desire to do better.

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7 ways couples can blend their parenting styles https://www.familytoday.com/family/7-ways-couples-can-blend-their-parenting-styles/ Fri, 11 Nov 2016 12:08:17 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/7-ways-couples-can-blend-their-parenting-styles/ Are your parenting styles different from your partner's? Here's how you can still raise a happy family.

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Parenting is rewarding - who doesn't love to see their children grow, develop and learn? However, ask any parent and they'll tell you that raising a child is anything but easy. From curious toddlers to moody teens, children cause some stress...and things get even more challenging when parents have mixed (and sometimes conflicting) parenting styles.

As a family, you want to provide a consistent, united and loving place to nurture your little ones. But sometimes, different parenting styles seem to undermine that goal. This can cause a lot of conflict at home and probably confuses your child. However, it doesn't have to be that way.

Everyone is different, so finding a partner that has exactly the same values, expectations and style of raising children is nearly impossible. And yet, many people manage to raise their children successfully. What's the secret to blending your parenting styles?

Understand how your partner was raised

You've probably already met your partner's family and know a lot about their past. However, knowing those family stories is one thing. Really understanding how those experiences and memories shape a person is another.

Both of you have different families, backgrounds and experiences. It's likely that ideas about childrearing stem from the past. Parenting styles are ingrained so it's hard to recognize them, much less change them. (This goes for both you and your partner, by the way).

Try to understand where the other is coming from when they make their parenting decisions, and why you want to make different ones. If you understand why you both feel this way, it will be easier to adjust your styles and reach a compromise.

Discuss your most important values

For some people, spending time with the family is essential. Other people might place extra importance on bed time traditions. Whatever it is, there are some things you probably aren't willing to compromise.

Recognizing these important values will go a long way to blend mixed parenting styles. It might be difficult to agree on every aspect on a day-to-day level, especially when new situations always arise. However, if you can agree on a few basic things, you'll both be working toward the same goals.

Focus on showing unity to your child

You've probably heard it before, but one of the most important aspects of parenting is being able to create a united front. Staying united creates stability and a clear message for your child.

Unfortunately, decisions about your children bring up a lot of emotion. You might feel like yelling when you find out your partner let your daughter stay home from school even though she wasn't really sick. Whatever the case, it's important to take a deep breath and remember how arguing with your partner in front of the kids isn't the best way to handle the situation. Your children might react badly, internalize blame, or even question your authority. In the moment, it's usually best to go with the flow and present a united front.

Support your partner's decisions but talk about it later

Presenting a united front doesn't mean you can't disagree. If you think a punishment is too light or too heavy, stick to your partner's decisions but talk to them about it later. It's important to follow through to teach your kids you mean what you say.

If you're unhappy about a decision, talk to your partner in private. Come up with a plan so both of you are clear about what to do in the future so you're both satisfied.

Calmly discuss some decisions with your partner (and your children)

Hashing it out in private isn't the only option. If both you and your partner are calm and rational, it may actually be a good idea to bring up some issues in front of, or even with, your children.

Allowing your children to see you speaking calmly and trying to reach a compromise is an important life lesson. People have different opinions, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

If you feel comfortable, you can even ask for your child's input. You might be surprised to hear what they have to say.

Compromise is key

Being able to compromise in any relationship is the key to success. You won't always agree on everything and when it comes to parenting styles, and you'll probably approach parenting from different angles.

However, if you learn to give and take a little to become skilled at compromising, there's no reason to worry about raising your child. Your parenting styles will blend smoothly.

Speak with a couples' counselor

If your parenting styles are too different, and you feel like you are starting to clash or send mixed signals, you may want to consider going to family therapy.

Sometimes it's better and more constructive to talk about your parenting styles and any issues you might be having with someone who can mediate the situation. There may even be something else that is causing the conflict, and talking with a professional can help.

Mixed parenting styles might seem challenging at first, but they're also a great opportunity for growth as an entire family. Both you, your partner, and your children have a lot to gain from hearing each other's opinions and learning to compromise. In the end, it might even make you stronger.

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5 stages of grief after losing a job https://www.familytoday.com/self-care/5-stages-of-grief-after-losing-a-job/ Fri, 29 Jul 2016 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-stages-of-grief-after-losing-a-job/ When people lose their job, they are often stricken with grief. Recognizing the 5 stages of grief can help you…

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There are many difficulties that follow being laid off from work. One of the biggest hurdles is grief. Grief is the response to a loss and can also affect you emotionally and physically.

Here's a closer look at the five stages of grief after losing a job:

1. Denial

It's only natural to experience denial after losing your job. You may continue to indulge in the same lifestyle as when you were employedbut you will soon realize you're on the verge of going broke. While you once had enough money to go out and enjoy the weekends and eat at your favorite places, you will realize that that is no longer possible.

A healthy approach is to accept that you're not working (for now). Unfortunately, most people find it difficult to snap out of this denial phase.

2. Anger

In the anger phase, you might remind yourself how integral you were for the organization. You might even take a moment to list all the amazing things you did for them or how they don't deserve someone as talented as you.

Some of us find ourselves pondering what our coworkers might be doing at work or why they weren't the one being let go. With any luck, this is just a phase that you need to get out of your system, but for some, this mental block can turn into angry sentiments because they can't seem to let things go.

3. Compromise

All too often, people fall into the trap of clinging to a hopeless situation. They imagine putting themselves in all kinds of "compromising" scenarios, such as emailing the HR personnel, asking to be rehired, willing to accept a lower pay or working extra hours. While the company might just take you back, things will certainly not be the same; making a compromise like this, instead of moving on, isn't good for your career.

4. Depression

"I'm never getting a job after this." It is okay to feel depressed and demotivated after being laid off or during the job-seeking phase. I'd be surprised if many others aren't already in the same boat. Even the best candidates find it difficult to get a job, and it's quite a challenge to not feel overwhelmed by the odds.

It's also depressing to deal with the fact that "I look different now because I'm unemployed," and many of us fear what people might think, which can be a difficult thing to accept. And you're probably spending most of your day at home with nothing productive to do. This can get you down if you don't make a conscious effort to make good use of your time.

5. Acceptance

The final stage is accepting what has happened. This is when it all starts to sink in; you realize that it's a thing of the past, and your immediate goal is to start short listing relevant jobs. Some see this as a chance to go out and fix things, while others do not share this positive outlook and stay entrenched in their demotivated and grief-stricken state.

People vary in how long they will go through each stage of grief. If you've had any similar experiences, please feel free to discuss in the comments below. Maybe your story can give someone else much needed strength and motivation to carry on and make the right moves after losing their job.

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Do not get married without addressing these 5 issues in Premarital Counseling https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/do-not-get-married-without-addressing-these-5-issues-in-premarital-counseling/ Mon, 25 Jul 2016 08:00:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/do-not-get-married-without-addressing-these-5-issues-in-premarital-counseling/ What should you talk about in premarital counseling? These are the 5 most important topics to discuss.

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Planning your wedding is stressful enough, but it's a piece of buttercream-frosted cake compared to the day-to-day reality of actual marriage.

Indeed, so often couples get caught up with everything involved in prepping for their Big Day and romanticizing the concept of marriage that they forget to (or don't realize that they should) address all of the less-romantic issues that will inevitably arise when two people commit to sharing their lives together.

Premarital counseling is an excellent way to confront these issues upfront and establish a stronger, healthier relationship moving into matrimony.

The following five issues are particularly worth addressing in premarital counseling sessions:

1. Money

Finances are a common cause of contention between those about to be married.

Does one partner work longer hours or make more money than the other? If so, does that partner resent the other for providing less to the family? Who's going to handle the bills? Do you trust each other enough to share bank accounts? Do you plan to sign a prenuptial agreement?

All of these questions need to be answered well before the wedding day.

2. Time

Time can also be a big problem in a relationship. One may feel neglected if their partner is often away at work, school or other functions. Conversely, a partner may value their space and wish they could spend more time alone.

These kinds of conversations can be uncomfortable, but it's better to be honest with each other and work with the truth rather than do things you don't want to do and keep your mouth shut for the sake of sparing feelings.

3. In-Laws

When you marry someone, you're not just marrying them - you're essentially marrying their family as well. It's important for you to learn how to get along with the whole family, especially if at this point you're already on shaky ground.

It's also helpful to establish what sort of boundaries as a couple you will put in place. Some family members may be in the habit of just dropping by for a visit. This may upset your new partner.

Also, it would be helpful to discuss how you plan to spend time with both sets of in-laws during holidays.

4. Resolving conflict

All couples disagree sometimes. What's less important than the frequency of conflict (though frequent fighting is a serious issue that must be addressed, of course) is how a couple reacts to said engagements.

Conflicts need to come to a conclusion. That can take some long, hard, emotionally draining work, but ignoring tension because it's convenient to do so will almost always come back to bite you down the line. Don't sweep anything under the rug.

5. Religion

Again, now is not the time to sweep lingering issues under the rug. Statistically, couples that share the same faith (or lack thereof) are more likely to stay together than those that don't.

If your partner is of a different faith, you need to decide whether this is something that will bother you long-term or not. This can be a critical issue.

Be sure to discuss these critical issues during premarital counseling. Ultimately, it all comes down to honesty and respect.

If you're able to be honest with your partner and respect their traits and beliefs even when you don't like or agree with them, and if your partner can do the same, then the future of your marriage looks bright.

The post Do not get married without addressing these 5 issues in Premarital Counseling appeared first on FamilyToday.

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