One of the biggest relationships involved is between a mother and son. Depending on the health of their parental relationship, the merge can be a big obstacle and stressful for the husband and wife. In a lot of cases, a son will not always see the issues because he is familiar with his mother’s emotions and mannerisms; therefore, he could be somewhat numb and/or blind to his mother’s responses and opinions despite how wrong they are.

If you are the wife dealing with an overprotective mother-in-law, you’re probably stressed and emotionally exhausted. In many cases, the way a mother-in-law reacts can feel like a direct response to something you said or did – causing a whirlwind of emotions to spiral. It is important to acknowledge how common an overprotective and overbearing mother-in-law actually is. It is easy to think you are alone, but that is simply not the case. Once you’ve recognized the commonality of your situation, here is what you should do next.

Stay calm, and don’t allow your inner being to be influenced.

Yes, when it comes to emotions and feelings, it is much easier said than done not to react impulsively. However, it is important to identify that your mother-in-law is the one with the attachment issues and not you. Allowing yourself to get caught up by her emotions can create unneeded stress and questioning within your own existence.

You are not the one with the issue, so don’t try to fix something that isn’t broken. You must voice your responses in a calm manner and try not to take anything said personally.

Talk to your spouse and express your concerns.

Remember, you are talking to your husband about the woman who gave birth to him and/or raised him, so be gentle. Talk about the overprotective observations you are seeing and explain how they directly affect you. Be prepared for your husband not to see the things you see initially. It is perfectly normal and okay for him to not be on the same page; however, it is important for him to listen and be willing to understand. Communication is always key to building a strong foundation for a relationship – this instance is no different.  

Talk to your mother-in-law.

Get to know your mother-in-law and invest in quality time together. This time shouldn’t feel forced. It can be offering to help her cook while you’re at a gathering or inviting her over for lunch or coffee. Extending the olive branch could make your mother-in-law feel more comfortable with your marriage and less threatened. If her son was previously in an unhealthy relationship, that courtship might have created concerns, and she could still be dealing with those trust issues and insecurities. It is best to create a strong foundation of communication with your mother-in-law so things are less stressful.

Talk to your husband, again.

In some cases, your husband will need to step up to the plate and set things straight with his mother. Having your husband talk to his mom about the issues at hand can alleviate rude comments or backhanded banter. If a son can go to his mother and demand that she stop being overprotective, she may feel more at ease because she is getting that direct feedback from her son.

Encourage your husband to see the issues for himself. The conversation with his mother will go much smoother if he is able to recognize the overprotective and overbearing problems.

Take a break.

There is no rule that women must get along with their mother-in-law, so if you and your MIL are not seeing eye to eye, consider taking a break from family gatherings. Now, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t attend Christmas dinner or the next planned family outing, but it does mean that you don’t need to be present for everything and subject yourself to negativity. Give your mother-in-law space and take some for yourself, too.

Taking a time out can be a refreshing way to reapproach the mother-in-law relationship later. Think about it; sometimes, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Having time away from each other can help the situation feel less stressful. Before you decide to bail, discuss the need for space with your spouse. If you are honest and upfront, your husband will not feel caught off guard and will be supportive.

When it comes to relationships like a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is important to take the slow and steady route. Recognizing that both women are dealing with very different emotions and opinions is crucial. Always be honest and communicative with your spouse, and lean on them to help direct you towards a solution when addressing overprotective or overbearing issues. No matter what happens, remember that your mother-in-law is the reason why you have your husband. She is the woman who helped shape him into the person you love.

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Understand your divorce decree

Some of the problems between divorced parents stem from miscommunication or misunderstanding in the divorce decree and the governing visitation schedule. Understanding the divorce decree and visitation schedule at the time of mediation or divorce is crucial to ensuring one less item to argue with a former spouse about. Ask for clarification from an attorney and don't sign any mediated agreement or divorce decree until all questions are answered with clarity and satisfaction. It is very difficult to change a finalized agreement and each party is bound to that document, even if it has mistakes.

There are some states that order a visitation schedule based on the laws in effect the year of the finalized divorce decree. Therefore, even if the laws today say Dad gets kids on Halloween, parents divorced in 2002 must follow the 2002 visitation laws, which do not take Halloween into consideration. Most states have minimum visitation schedules granting non-custodial parents visitation every other weekend. However, joint custody is becoming more commonplace and grants more liberal visitation. Be aware each visitation schedule will vary since no two divorces are the same.

It is helpful for all involved to create a visitation schedule for the entire year, including drop-off and pickup times. Not only will this prevent any arguments between parents, the schedule will help kids understand what holiday time is designated to each parent without the surprise.

Remove emotion

Friends and family who have never been divorced have a difficult time understanding the frustrations of having an ex. It is an emotionally draining road to travel. Lies, anger, resentment and manipulation fuel the battle. Ideally, it is in the child's best interest for divorced parents to get along for the child's sake. In reality, emotions run raw, and our co-parenting skills often go out the window. Divorced parents put their boxing gloves on with no regard for the children in the middle of the battle.

Regardless of the platform, it is best to remove all emotion from communication. While it is tempting to rant about the anger felt about your ex's shortcomings at the end of an email about the child's doctor appointment tomorrow, it isn't productive. Avoid the psychological blows directed at hurting each other. It is best to wait 24 hours to respond to any non-urgent message. Keep the communication strictly business professional.

Find effective communication

Phone calls and text messaging allow for instant communication on issues, but it also makes it easier to argue. Email and postal mail work great for communicating non-urgent issues and because of the delay in response, it curbs an emotional reaction. Depending on the situation, parents may choose to use all or one form of communication and may agree upon what circumstances permit a phone call or an email.

While many parenting classes encourage getting along for the children's sake, it is OK to accept that in some circumstances, the best communication is minimal communication. The key is to relay important information when necessary. Withholding or blocking information is not in the best interest of the child and has the potential to land someone in contempt in court.

In addition, both parties need to understand kids aren't the messengers and do not use them to communicate any information or manipulate any situation.

Leave the new spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend out

Until emotions subside, it is best to leave the parenting to the parents. Asking the new wife to send the ex-wife an email about an important issue with a child may result in unnecessary hostility. A new boyfriend picking up the kids from school may provoke an argument. A parent may feel threatened by his or her replacement. There may come a time to appreciate the actions and involvement from a new spouse, but until both parents are emotionally removed, it is best to avoid any involvement of a new spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend.

Learn how to forgive and move on

Divorce is a very traumatic event and is often compared to a death. Depending on the circumstances, it may take a person several years to let go of the anger and resentment. It's best to keep busy while the kids are visiting the other parent. Take this time to rediscover yourself and find activities that you enjoy. Learn to play the guitar. Join the gym. Volunteer. Get a part-time job. Go back to school and finish a degree. Pursue a hobby. Date. Seek counseling. Meditate. Read self-help books to understand how to cope with feelings of mistrust, anger, resentment or insecurity. Write a letter of forgiveness addressed to the former spouse and burn it. Keeping busy will help time pass and give you the time necessary to heal and let it go.

The opposite of love is indifference, and it is very liberating when realized. Only then, will a person no longer be affected by an ex-spouse's actions and co-parenting becomes more peaceful.

The post 5 tips for peaceful co-parenting with your ex appeared first on FamilyToday.

Spend time with them

I know this might sound like a crazy idea, but spending time with your teen might prove enjoyable. As a working divorced parent, I understand how easy it is to establish a pattern revolving around work and school. By the time you get home, you aren't interested in much of anything and weekends are spent catching up on household chores. It is easy for teens to get lost in the shuffle. Set aside time out of your day to spend with them even if it means just going outside to weed the yard together. Teach them to cook their favorite dinner. Go to the gym together. Allow them to pick a concert for the two of you to attend. Celebrate no Ds or Fs on their report cards with a trip to the ice cream parlor. Really, the possibilities are endless as long as you tell them how much you appreciate the time you spend together.

Give them space

Yes, spending time with your teen is great but please, don't smother them. Allow your teen some personal space and time to do activities by themselves. They need time to read, write, talk to friends, play games, explore social media or decompress in their room by themselves.

Let them express themselves

Allow your teen creative license to express their personality. My ex-husband still struggles with allowing our teens to express themselves with clothing, hair style and makeup. Our son had a buzz cut since birth until he decided to grow it out in junior high. He had anxiety over dad's pressure to cut it off. In addition, dad teased him when he purchased skinny skins. While I agree it is important to set boundaries (no piercings, tattoos or ear gauging) I feel it is equally important to allow teens the ability to dress in a way to express their individual personality without scrutiny.

Talk

Talk about school, movies, music, topics in the news, anything and everything. Talk about a common interest. I've found that once my kids became comfortable talking to me, they are more willing to discuss situations or debate controversial topics. I've learned to offer the facts, discuss both sides of the argument and don't push your ideas. State your position and emphasize your morals in the issue. Some kids become defiant the more you try to push your stance. Respect them and let them form their own opinion at their own pace. You don't agree with your parents all the time, but you still respect them, right?

Be goofy & laugh

I take advantage of every opportunity to laugh and be silly. I've worn bright red contact lenses when I've volunteered as hall monitor. I've rocked a Weird Al concert and sang every song at the top of my lungs. I'll run down the aisle with the shopping cart when I take them to the store. Sometimes, I'll grab their hand and skip in the parking lot. Yup, watching a fat lady skip is kinda funny. The key is to let them know it is OK to laugh, and laugh with them - not at them. My teens and I share a handful of inside jokes. We remind ourselves about the funny things that have happened in our (mis)adventures. And sometimes, they surprise me with quick wit and silliness.

Appreciate them

Remember a time when your teen was little? You taught them how to say "please" and "thank you" but somewhere along the line you've forgotten those same courtesies. Our busy parenting schedules often have us forgetting to tell our children how much we appreciate their help with even the simplest tasks. If they don't do it right, don't sweat the small stuff. Be thankful.

Love them

My mom always said to me, "Sometimes those who don't deserve love the most are the ones who need love the most." As a parent, you are going to have some very frustrating moments. Maybe your son took the car without asking, your daughter is failing art or they are just full of attitude. You might blow up and say something hurtful in a fit of frustration. Your teen is probably feeling bad about screwing up, and your toxic words only add resentment and tension to the situation.

Changing the atmosphere is as simple as a hug and telling them how much you love them. I often start with telling them how sorry I am for overreacting. I explain my frustration or fear. I discuss the mistake from my perspective as a parent and stress that it doesn't change my feelings of love I have for them. I give them a big hug and let them know it will be OK. Your teen may have an adult body, but deep down they are still kids in need of mom and dad's love.

Growing up is going to have some mistakes. Your job as a parent is to help them along the journey. You aren't perfect so how can you expect perfection from them? Enjoy and appreciate every minute living, laughing and loving your teen.

The post How to appreciate and enjoy your teen appeared first on FamilyToday.

The poor little guy's shoulders sunk in disappointment as he explained he was the only one of his friends who didn't know and they weren't telling him. I took a deep breath and finally told him, honestly and openly, what he wanted to know as we walked into the store. Once I divulged the basics of the deed, my mouth continued to inappropriately ramble on about the different slang words used for body parts as we passed hotdogs, sushi, pickles and various items down the aisles.

I dreaded that day for years and held hope his dad would be the one to explain it to him. I really didn't want to be the one to describe the intimate act of sex to my sweet and innocent son. Little did I know this small act gave him the ability to ask me anything. While I get a chuckle when asked, "What is douche?" after a Summer's Eve commercial, I find solace in knowing he is comfortable in asking me and not relying on inadequate sources like his friends or the Internet.

Here are some tips for establishing open communication lines with your kids.

Be approachable

My kids had some occasional moments of hesitation. Sometimes I could sense the curiosity and fear, so I would give some general answers before they could ask. The important thing was to keep the door open. I have held the motto, "No question is too dumb or embarrassing to ask," and I always answer it as honestly as possible. Kids do have access to the Internet, after all! Wouldn't you rather be the one to offer the factual answer and be allowed to interject your opinion or moral stance in the matter?

Be calm

Some parents are blindsided by some of the questions asked by kids. How you react will define his comfort level in approaching you again in the future. If you choose to blow up, overreact or lecture, he may never ask you again. However, if you treat your child's question with calm, serious attention, you may find yourself in a closer relationship.

There will be times when you might feel like running away on the inside. You might say too much. You won't always approach it right. And you won't always have the answers. Give yourself the credit - you are at least trying.

Be willing to talk

Once I established an open dialogue with my kids, I found it easier to discuss issues like drugs, alcohol and premarital sex. They were more willing to share with me the problems they were having at school or with peers. As they've gotten older, the questions and discussions have evolved into intellectual conversations.

Do what you feel is right

As a parent, only you can decide what is right for your child. Your parents and in-laws may give an opinion, but how you raise your kids is ultimately your choice. I faced a lot of criticism from family members for being too liberal with the information I've provided my kids, but I have no doubt or regret. I've made the right choice for me. My kids are now in high school. They are responsible, objective and have respect for me. I love my teens. Don't all parents want to say that?

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