Here are three ways to begin building a positive relationship:

Having a love map

Do you and your partner have a love map? Building a love map means asking questions and really getting to know each other's worlds. In the beginning of a relationship, we are great at getting to know our partner and what is important to them. As time goes by, we get more and more involved with children, jobs and other pursuits. We may still ask each other about their day from time to time, but we lose track of what hopes and dreams we have. We forget to build our lives together. We get too busy to talk about what is really important to us.

Having a detailed love map will remind both you how much you love each other, what your goals are together and will help you navigate trying times. It's a lifelong process, but will help you both gain a positive perspective.

Sharing fondness and admiration

Similar to building love maps, it is easy to share fondness and admiration when you are a new couple. But once we have been in a relationship for while, we rarely bring up the reasons why we love our partners. We might write some nice things on a birthday or anniversary card, but that's about it. Cards are nice, but it would be better if weekly (or daily!) we were able to hear something good about us.

I have helped numerous couples discuss why they admire their partner. Although it can be awkward to tell your partner why you are fond of them in front of a therapist, it has proven really beneficial in boosting self-esteem and increasing the overall happiness in a relationship. Openly discussing the positive aspects of your partner lets your relationship be strengthened. Also, knowing how much someone admires you lets you more easily have a positive perspective in life.

Turning towards your partner

Show your spouse that you care about what they are saying and doing. You both got into this relationship to share a life together, so put down distractions and listen. You won't always have the same interests or care about the same things, but it is very important to try to be interested.

Turning towards our partners is as easy as listening when they talk, being interested in what they are saying and responding to what they are talking about. Turning towards your partner builds your emotional bank account. When your emotional bank accounts are full, you have extra cushion when life's stresses and conflicts arise.

When a couple is making an effort in these three aspects of their relationship, they are sure to gain a more positive perspective. This will allow you both to reach fair compromises, see the good in your partner and feel love on a day-to-day basis. If your relationship doesn't feel great, try gaining a positive perspective.

The post 3 ways to build a positive relationship appeared first on FamilyToday.

There are thousands of books you can buy or find on library shelves discussing self-esteem and how to feel good about yourself. Yet most days I find myself counseling a client who is struggling to feel good about themselves.

Sadly, we are constantly putting ourselves down and getting our self-worth from comparing ourselves to others. My goal in writing this is to shed some light on how to start being good to yourself.

Here are 4 ways to gain the self-confidence you desire:

1. Self-compassion

Self-compassion is giving yourself the benefit of the doubt or a break when you make a mistake. Self-compassion is treating yourself like you would a good friend.

What type of advice would you offer to a friend who is struggling with a difficult situation?

I am willing to guess you would listen to their problems and inform them that it is going to be okay. You might even try to support them through their struggles and help them focus on their strengths. Sadly, we have a difficult time doing this for ourselves. For some reason we find it very hard to give ourselves the same benefit of the doubt.

We wrongly believe because we know ourselves that we should make better choices. Having self-compassion helps us to accept our strengths and weaknesses and motivates us to become the best person that we can be.

Having healthy self-compassion doesn't mean that it is okay to make more mistakes or to not try and achieve things. It is quite the opposite; if you give yourself the benefit of the doubt, you will be a lot happier with yourself and more likely to achieve your goals and expectations.

2. Focus on self

One of the biggest problems I see holding people back too often is when we are gaining our self-worth from comparing ourselves to others. Theodore Roosevelt said "Comparison is the thief of joy."

The more we compare ourselves, the more we see people that have something we don't. They look better than us; they are a better parent than us. They're much smarter, and their kids are better behaved. I could go on all day about the things we compare.

Comparing ourselves to others can only cause two things: either we feel bad about ourselves, or we put someone else down to feel better.

Most of the time we compare one of our worst attributes to someone's perceived best attributes. We compare one of our weaknesses to their highlight reel. Since comparing ourselves is so popular and detrimental, how do we stop?

Begin by realizing that you truly get nothing positive from comparing yourself to others. Then start to think about what makes you special and unique.

Remember some of those things might not be measured by an outward appearance. Like empathy, compassion, love, kindness, and humility. Reminding yourself that no one is perfect and you will be happier if you focus on your own positive traits.

Finding things that inspire you to dig deeper and become a better person is crucial to being happy. The last thing to remember is you're the only person you can truly compare yourself to.

3. Focus on your goals

Having and achieving goals is a great way to feel good about ourselves and have purpose.

It's been said that goals are the oxygen to our dreams. Goals are what move us forward in life. Having goals helps you focus on what you would like to achieve and gives you much needed direction.

Creating and following through with goals will help you see the progress you are making. Goal setting helps you be accountable to the task you would like to accomplish.

Make sure you set short-term goals to meet your long-term goals. It's easy to get complacent with a long-term goal and think "I have a couple more days to start working on that goal."Short term-goals help you start making progress right away and make those long-term goals attainable.

Goal attainment promotes self-worth.

4. Do what makes you happy

In a counseling session with a new client I will often ask, "What are some things you enjoy doing?" Far too often I get the answers, "I don't do anything for fun anymore," or "I am too busy to do things I enjoy." I also get "I used to do this or that, but I don't do that anymore."

If this sounds like you then let me be the first to tell you: if you only do things in your life that are mundane or that don't make you happy, then of course you're going to be sad and depressed.

I have never met a person that does things all week long that they don't enjoy and are happy about. Trust me, I understand that you need to go to work and hang out with the kids along with your wife or husband. But every week you need to have something that you look forward to doing.

I suggest making a list today of ten things that make you happy. Once you have your list then start contemplating how you're going to integrate a couple of these things into every week of your life.

The sooner you do the above points, the sooner you're going to start being better to yourself.

The post 4 ways to start feeling good about yourself today appeared first on FamilyToday.

In the beginning of every romantic relationship we are all a little twitterpated. But as we know, it doesn't last forever. Once the "honeymoon" phase is over, that giddy, lovey-dovey emotion seems to vanish...but it doesn't have to. Here are some tips on keeping that feeling alive.

Expectations

We all have expectations for our partners. But rarely do we let our significant other in on what we expect. For some reason, we think they should just read our minds. In most relationships it's only a matter of time before you fail to meet each other's unknown expectations. One of the most important things you can do in a relationship is to communicate and understand each other's expectations.Unmet expectations can cause feelings of resentment and irritation. Making sure your partner knows your expectations will help love flourish.

Communication

Communication is the most important part of any relationship. Almost every couple I've seen come in for counseling says they need to communicate better. Communication is a simple thing to do, but is often one of the biggest struggles for couples. In life's busy routines, couples often don't take the time to really talk to each other. Make time. Try scheduling an hour or two when you both can engage in meaningful conversation. I like to tell couples to pair communication with another daily event. For instance, use dinner time or after you have put the children to bed to talk to your partner. Some easy discussions points could be: what your goals are this month, or what your biggest stressors are. Once you're communicating regularily, it's easy to discuss what makes you happy (and twitterpated) in your relationship.

Love languages

Most of us have heard about the importance of love languages. When love languages are used correctly, they increase the feelings of love and happiness for both partners. Love languages are very important because each of us show and receive love in different ways.When we are in a relationship, we try to be a good partner. We use examples that we had growing up, like our parents, to model our own relationships after. But we don't usually realize that our significant other grew up with a different set of ideals about showing and receiving love. We all have different ideas about what love should look like. Figuring out how you show and receive love is significant. Once you learn how your partner wants love shown to them, it gives you the knowledge and power to change your relationship.I have seen many relationship change significantly once they have learned to communicate their love needs and wants. Discover what your love languages are here.

Spend time together

Life is so busy for all of us. There are so many things that we could be doing with our time. With so much to do we struggle in getting our priorities in order. One of the most important things we could be doing with our time is spending it with our spouse. I suggest having a date night once a week. I know you're busy but I would bet most weeks you have a couple hours to spend with your best friend. It's important to remember the grass is greener where you water it. Try rotating who decides what you should do for your date nights. That way you both feel like you are putting forth effort in the relationship. Spending time together and doing things you both enjoy will really make a difference in your happiness and feelings towards your partner.

Even though the twitterpated phase seems to have come and gone, love can still grow and change over time. Being in a relationship takes hard work and can be challenging. But, by following these simple tips you can still keep love in your everyday life.

The post 4 useful tips to keep your love alive appeared first on FamilyToday.