Ladies, if the romantic nuances of the day are enough to send you into hibernation with the shades pulled down, celebrate with the people of Finland. In Finland Feb. 14 is referred to as Ystävänpäivä - Friends Day, when well wishes and sentiments of love and devotion are abundant expressions of the celebration of friendship. Commemoration of friendship on this day pays homage to the love we feel for, and the value we place on the devotion expressed by, our friends. Robert Louis Stevenson aptly noted that a friend is a gift you give yourself. Since nurturing friendship is vital to making and keeping friends, here are three ways to strength those bonds while enjoying - (significant other or not) - Valentine's Day.

The fun of friendship: A girls day out

For women a carefree day spent with friends often involves shopping. Indeed the enthusiasm of a sisterhood of shoppers is contagious. Girlfriends of any age are motivated and enthusiastic to buy what we think will make us look better or feel younger. We try on, recommend, laugh, and rejoice over both the ridiculous and sublime. Vanity in action? Perhaps. Frivolous fun? Yes!

Even if no one spends a dime, the blithe errand of shopping or window shopping for clothing and accessories or home décor with adored friends lightens the mood. Whether we're navigating stressful day-to-day challenges or a feeling of aloneness, life becomes more pleasant when we engage in a bit of dreamy, girlish togetherness.

If shopping isn't your thing, there are plenty of other fun friend activities. See a movie. Eat out: fancy restaurant, downtown café, uptown gourmet. Take a road trip. Attend a concert. Engage in meaningful conversation. Do a craft together. Go to a spa and have a makeover. Paint your toenails. What sounds fun? Make plans. Start a tradition and invite those close to you as well as those you'd like to get to know and those who need a friend.

The power of friends united

Friends have the unique ability to support and empower one another to do the seemingly impossible. The power of friendship united - friends working together for a common cause - changes lives:

Make a quilt for a homeless person.

Hold a tribute dinner for a woman not yet recognized for her contributions.

Plan a birthday party for an elderly woman who has no family or prepare a special breakfast for someone who is a shut-in.

Organize a balloon launch in memory of a friend who has passed away.

Visit the children's ward of a hospital or an assisted living center and sing or play musical instruments for the patients; or make Valentine's Day cards that express friendship and caring for those who have no one to love them.

Make care packages for women and children in hospitals or homeless shelters.

Make a new friend

Often new friendships are discovered when you look at others with a fresh perspective. Consider the woman you've seen dozens of times at school or community functions, but never really talked to. You decide to take her a batch of cookies. It turns out she needs a friend as much as you do. The beautiful new neighbor you convinced yourself had a life of ease. When you chance to meet at the hospital, you find her life is difficult and complex. Both your child and her's have asthma; she becomes an ally and confidant.

This Valentine's Day, remember that romance isn't the only thing deserving of accolades of flowers and candy - your favorite old auntie, lonely next door neighbor, or new friend who just moved to town from across the country will appreciate you remembering them. Rethinking Feb. 14 can help you discover the magic the day can bring as you look for and celebrate the miracles of friendship.

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The holidays bring so many opportunities to meet worthy needs; however, we sometimes arrive at that fine line separating "the joy of giving" from "the stress of feeling obligated to give" - the point where we feel we must do more and more to please others, the point where the cost to ourselves is greater than the benefit.

Constantly saying "yes" to everyone and everything buries us neck-deep in commitments and obligations we have no idea how we'll meet, complete or afford. The fact is, there are times when we simply need to decline requests in order to maintain healthy boundaries and preserve our health and sanity.

Here are a few ways to say "no" while staying in the good graces of those who ask things of us:

Decide what you really want

Be honest with yourself. Are you doing things just because you enjoy getting compliments? Is it worth it? Is the task just too large? If you're not certain about taking on a commitment, say you need time to think things over and give your answer within a reasonable time-frame.

The same goes for gift giving. Does someone want you to buy him or her a certain gift? Does it feel right to you? Popular media makes it look trendy to go into debt to buy lavish gifts. The bigger and more expensive the gift(s), the more you prove your love, right? Um, no.

Clarify your spending motives. Is this a gift from your heart, or are you feeling pressured or otherwise obligated? If you've already adopted the habit of buying gifts because that's what is expected, that's a hard habit to break. While it's great to experience the elation of feeling appreciated, the sum total of what you truly have to offer is not wrapped up in glitzy paper and stashed under a tree. Don't discount how caring, patient and loving you are the other 364 days of the year. In the long run, when you stop doing things out of feelings of obligation, you'll reap a legacy of respect - and self-respect - that long outlives the transitory nature of material goods.

Be honest. Be polite

Misunderstandings can be prevented by stating your true feelings right up front. While beating around the bush may save a negative emotional response temporarily, it often brews future problems. If you hem and haw, tossing excuses like a juggler, it leaves the door wide open for misinterpretation. When you're afraid to say no, your indecisiveness ends up putting you on the defensive when others persist for an answer.

When asked to do something you know you can't do - or don't want to do- express thanks for the offer, then state your response and intentions in a clear and concise manner. "I'm sorry, I can't. I don't feel comfortable being in front of that many people. I need time for myself. I need to focus on my family. I'm not able to bake that many cookies, but I can bring punch." You get the picture.

If the response to your "no" or counter offer is annoyance, frustration or anger, restate your intentions if necessary, but once you've decided on your answer, stick to it and don't back down. Don't let yourself be emotionally berated or guilted. Determine to react calmly to criticism or careless remarks. Realize others may feel stressed and overwhelmed, and be willing to forgive. Avoid comparisons and bringing up old wounds, mistakes or failures - yours or those of others. If you perceive emotions are becoming heated, smile and walk away if you need to.

Don't apologize. Be patient

There's nothing wrong with saying no to something you can't do. Your time and health are important. If others truly have your best interests in mind, they'll understand. Have realistic expectations of others, and know it's OK to expect the same in return. Patience with others - and even with yourself - can sometimes be hard won, but it's a prize worth striving for. Patience kindles lasting hope and good cheer long after the holidays are over - a feeling of peace that remains in the hearts and homes of those you care for.

If you still feel a twinge of guilt for wanting to say no, consider this. Dr. David Walsh, founder of the National Institute on Media and the Family, notes that saying no to our children encourages a sense of resourcefulness and determination. The same holds true for all ages. If you decline to pitch in every time something is asked of you, others will be given the opportunity to discover their own abilities and strengths.

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None of us like to be judged, yet often we're our own harshest critics. Take for instance Myra (not her real name), a woman I chanced to meet recently at an event we were both attending. Though I didn't know her, she told me - in great detail - why she would soon no longer be a "failure." She was well-dressed. Her hair and makeup picture perfect. It was obvious she spent a great deal of time on her appearance. When she first pulled me aside, she didn't even know my name. I'd only chanced to offer her a polite hello. While we stood in the aisle near our seats, she took the opportunity to talk, and talk ... and talk.

As she delved deeply into her personal aspirations, her words seemed to flow without end. Some minutes later, with the event well underway, I was annoyed. I wanted to ask her to please be considerate of those performing. But when she told me she planned to essentially work to the point of exhaustion to better herself, there was something in her eyes that softened my heart.

I began to read between the lines. Despite an outward aura of perfection, inwardly she was in great turmoil. She had not lived up to the expectations of someone important in her life - as well as to her own high expectations of herself - and they'd let her know just that. Rather than deliberate commissions of grievous errors, her past choices, she revealed, were relatively trivial omissions in her life. Yet, wanting to absolve herself of guilt and shame, she seemed unable to stop apologizing for who she was.

Trying to keep my own voice hushed, I broke in to the one-sided conversation. I praised her hard work and determination. In an attempt to lighten the mood, I joked about my own shortcomings. Within minutes, a smile lit her face. From an initial flood of pain, the rush of her words slowed and changed course. We both took a welcome breath of hope.

Afterward, I reflected on apologies I'd made during my lifetime. Trying to garner unneeded forgiveness from others for my own shortcomings, I'd proffered many unnecessary explanations. When I met someone new or chanced to see old friends and acquaintances, I was quick to confess what I felt were my inadequacies. Even if it was that I hadn't had time to wash my car or change out of worn jeans and a t-shirt for a trip to the grocery store, I'd felt embarrassment.

I also remembered countless times I'd been apologized to. One woman went to great lengths to say she was sorry for what she believed was wrong with her: She hadn't had time to put on makeup. Several women felt their clothing wasn't fashionable enough. Many expressed shame because they believed they weren't adept at motherhood. Quite a few more didn't like their weight. Still more expressed regret because they felt inherently inferior in many ways. Here are some more thoughts on the importance of forgiving ourselves.

In retrospect, I realized all of us were pleading, "Please don't judge me. I'm doing the very best I can."

Yes, there are those who will judge us - and those judgments can be quite painful. But more often than not such people are among the minority of those we interact with or meet each day. What's more, most people who do judge others harshly are so hypercritical of their own perceived deficiencies their negative nature spills over to everyone. In reality, the majority of the people we interact with are already so worried about their own deficits, ours are not even on their minds. Still we rush to justify ourselves before others can chance to glimpse our faults.

As I considered my actions, I saw that endless rounds of apologizing to others for my shortcomings was a no-win situation. The more I apologized, dwelling on my imperfections, the more I saw to not like about myself. And the more I came to believe that some things about me would never be acceptable. In a few instances -like my inability to accomplish all I thought I should each day - I'd come to dislike certain aspects of my character or circumstances intensely. So much so that, without realizing it, in confessing my flaws I often became engaged in trying to convince others to agree with me. When they did, or at least when I thought they did, I entered into a spiral of misery and depression.

If I had it to do over again, I would tell Myra not to judge herself harshly or dwell on her perceived failures. Mistakes and shortcomings are part of a package deal of learning and growing. Since we all tend to give far more compliments to others than we ever accord ourselves, I would also tell her to take pride in herself as a beautifully imperfect being doing the best she knows how. Due to my experience with her, I've come to understand none of us need to justify ourselves to everyone we came in contact with, and that loving ourselves for who we are isn't vain. The key is to work each day toward forgiving and accepting ourselves despite our flaws and shortcomings, and to remember that our best is good enough.

Now, when I'm tempted to bring my faults to the attention of others, rather than rushing to apologize I strive to give instead of get. Give validation and praise to those I interact with - not on exterior characteristics, but on my heartfelt observations. Their kindness and compassion, their integrity and honesty, their gift of giving a warm smile or of listening. Then, internally, I remember to give equal praise to myself for similar qualities I overlook far too often; qualities that are much more important than whether or not I washed my car or put on makeup.

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Even little bumps in the road of life can become daunting obstacles if we allow them. Combined with our high expectations of ourselves, trials and challenges of all sizes can leave us feeling emotionally depleted and overcome by discouragement and despair. Or, as it might be said, at our wit's end.

Where is your wit's end? Is it at your in-laws, who won't stop criticizing you? At your place of work where expectations and deadlines loom? In the frenetic pace of life? Or in your own home where contention and chaos seem to reign? Wherever, it can be challenging, painful, and at worst, emotionally incapacitating.

The opposite of your wit's end is keeping your wits about you. Your capacity to stay alert and composed in life's stormy seas is a skill worth pursuing. The world may not change, but you can. If hope and joy seem out of reach, try these 10 tips to regain your emotional equilibrium.

Slow down, but don't be late

Awareness of deadlines is good, but rushing at them with lack of regard for your health and well-being causes stress. Being late is a stressor, as well. Give yourself ample time for tasks at hand. Avoiding busyness is also vital. The word "busy" is defined by active and attentive engagement in work or a pastime, yet "busyness" is often characterized by meaningless activity, such as surfing the Web with no clear purpose in mind. Since busyness saps our time and energy, we're often left feeling exhausted, stressed, unhappy and wondering what more we can to do feel better. Instead, consciously elect to undertake the truly necessary with calm and purposeful intent.

Catch up on rest

You'll function better when your mind and body are well rested. If you don't have time for added slumber, take precious minutes to retreat to a tranquil place where you can close your eyes and still the pace of your heart and mind. A place where you can feel in control, if only for the moment, and your thoughts can flow unfettered by confusion. Honor your need for solitude. Don't feel guilty for treating yourself to the gift of time alone. Putting yourself first isn't selfish. It ensures you will have sufficient energy to devote to loved ones.

Pray for comfort

Trust that it will come and allow yourself to find respite in the spirit's embrace. Scottish minister Oswald Chambers said, "When a man is at his wit's end it is not a cowardly thing to pray." Pray that, if it is God's will, the burden you're experiencing will be eased. Pray for knowledge of how to cope with your troubles, how to efficiently think through the steps you need to take. Pray to know what questions you should ask in order to find the answers you are seeking. Equally important, pray for peace of mind to accept what comes.

Don't deliberately start disputes

When you look for contention, you'll find it. When you seek harmony, you'll find that, as well. Strive to cultivate Christ-like attributes like patience, forgiveness, and gratitude. Look for the best in others - and in yourself. Recognize your unique ability to express love and touch lives for the better. You are divine by nature, and remarkable by choice.

Keep a journal

Lengthy personal epistles aren't necessary. List your favorite joys - one-sentence slices of life that, like treasured photos, capture moments of splendor and bliss. It's as easy as asking yourself what brings you happiness, such as the smell of freshly baked bread, peach-golden rays of sunlight at dawn, or when your child smiles at you. Frequently look for and record such things and moments. Read and savor them when you're blue.

Don't do things you know you'll regret later

Enough said.

Edit the information that comes into your life

Whether pessimistic input comes from outside sources or from within your own tendency to look for clouds, make it a habit to sift out and discard the negative. Always living with a glass half empty mentality causes despair, which in turn can cause us to question ourselves and what we believe in. When it comes to others who seek to drag us down with their negativity, it's helpful to remember that what they say about us actually says more about them. In other words, negative emotions come from inherently negative sources just as positive things flow from a source of truth and light. We only have to watch or read the news to see that the world seeks out complaining and fault-finding. Recognize that people who work hard to keep others down are fighting within themselves a bitter lonely battle.

Be patient with yourself

Stress fluctuates from person to person. One person's stress may be another person's bliss. Stress can also be a byproduct of guilt for what we perceive are our shortcomings. No matter the cause, the physical and emotional symptoms of stress range from mild to severe. Try to shove feelings of stress aside and eventually they resurface in the form of tension, illness, difficulty concentrating, relationship woes, and decreased ability to cope. Forgive yourself for what you perceive are your deficiencies. Allow yourself time to learn, heal, grow, to know, weep and smile. Soak in life's tender, precious moments and revel in them. Identify what brings you happiness and contentment and make seeking such things a part of each day. Give yourself permission to enjoy life. Don't underestimate the value of fun and laughter. Here are some more ideas on how to give peace a chance.

Seek encouragement

When your heart and mind are weary, be willing to seek support from trusted family members and friends. If everyone else seems to fail you, strive more diligently to seek and know God. Nothing will bless your life more than having a personal relationship with him. Nothing will bring more abundance and immeasurable joy, more direction and sense of worth, more depth and meaning to your relationship with yourself and others.

Expect miracles

When they come, gather their evidences like beautiful, delicate blossoms. Often circumstances beyond our control prevent what we might have dreamed would be the perfect life, yet we can experience peace, plenty, and happiness by expressing appreciation and love for the life that is ours. Giving thanks both during and after our trials enhances our ability to perceive the constant flow of blessings all around us. A grateful heart continues to seek hope. It immerses itself in calm, holding tenaciously to joys past and future, even in the face of pain- and sorrow-filled circumstances of the present. Though situations we encounter in life can threaten to overwhelm us, none are impossible to bear if the state of our heart is in harmony with God's.

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