Within days of finding out we were pregnant, my husband left and moved out. Morning sickness, fatigue and my first ultrasound were all on my own. When I imagined these moments of my life, he was there. Holding my hair as I knelt over the toilet while green in the face, picking up whatever late-night craving I had from the store, holding my hand as we cried tears of joy while seeing our little baby for the first time on the ultrasound screen. An apparent hole was left where he was supposed to be. As I realized that single pregnancy and single parenthood was now a very real part of my life, I discovered that I am actually not alone. I do not have to do this all by myself and neither do you.

There have been five groups of people who have unquestionably made all the difference in my ability to continue on with pregnancy and become the kind of mom I want to be:

1. Community

Local authorities gave me legal advice and protected me from unsafe situations. They also referred me to a local organization whose mission is to provide advocacy, shelter and support for people in my situation. This organization provided me with legal counsel pro-bono as well as a support group of people who had similar struggles. Most communities have these organization readily available with founders, volunteers and support groups to love and care for both mom and baby.

There are also incredible housing and sustenance programs for low-income single parents. Programs like WIC and food stamps are readily available to those who need it and use it wisely.

2. Family

Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other family members give emotional support and loving examples for both mom and baby. They help create feelings of belonging which is vital to being happy and emotionally content. Spend time with them and remind yourself that you are a part of a large group of family members - even if at the end of the day you don't all live together.

You can also get support through guide parents. Similar to godparents (though without the religious affiliation), guide parents support and set an example to the child throughout their life. These relationships help create a group of positive role-models that guide and affect your child.

3. Friends and neighbors

Sometimes family is not nearby or as readily available for the day-to-day challenges we face as single moms. They may want to be there for everything but can't make it when you're in a last-minute bind or for doctor's appointments, carpooling and errands. Friends and neighbors have been there to help me with tasks as simple as taking my garbage cans out to the curb each week to significant acts of service such as opening their home to me on lonely nights.

4. Church

At first I had apprehension about opening myself up to my religious leaders and fellow church members about my situation for fear of really segregating myself from other families in my congregation. I didn't want to be seen as the black sheep or thought I might be judged by my situation. But once I pushed myself past these fears and started to open up to those in my church I was greeted with love, acceptance and so much support. Meals have been brought, tears have been shed with me and I am welcomed with hugs and genuine concern each Sunday. Church services have become a place for me to fill my cup with uplifting worship and learning, while feeling safe and accepted by those around me.

5. Work

'Work stays at work and home life stays at home' has always been a goal of mine. I struggled with sharing my personal situation with my boss and didn't want to be seen as a less-valuable member of our team or unable to carry on with work duties. When I opened up about some of the reasons why I may seem tired, sick and overwhelmed, she expressed a great deal of sympathy and has been understanding of my needs. Schedules at work can often be affected by pregnancy and parenting - especially when you're the only parent running the ship at home. Allowing your colleagues the chance to understand you and your situation will provide patience and support where you need it. In a place where we spend most of our day, it is important to feel encouragement and comfort from those who see you day-in and day-out.

Building my team of support has taken some effort and time. I have needed to reach out to others rather than wait around for circumstances to change or improve by themselves. I trust and allow people into my very personal life and do all I can to make the best of the hard days. We are surrounded by people in our life who care about us and who want to lend a hand but just don't know how to help. Don't be afraid to ask and remember that you do not have to do it alone!

The post How to build a support team for the single mom appeared first on FamilyToday.

Undergoing my second divorce was certainly not what I foresaw on graduation day as I walked with my Bachelor's Degree in Family Life Studies. I have spent a great deal of my time learning healthy communication, conflict resolution and constructive relationship strategies because it's what I find fascinating. But no matter the amount of passion I pour into growing happy, healthy marriages, each and every relationship in my life is made up of two human beings with the ability to choose for themselves.

When my first marriage ended, I felt like a complete failure. I felt like I must have not given enough of myself or 'been a good enough example' of healthy habits and loving responses in our relationship. When marriage number two turned into separation I quickly found myself looking in the mirror and asking myself the same questions.

I am not perfect. I made mistakes as everyone does in relationships. However, I gave all that I was capable of giving at that time in my life and under those specific circumstances. It took time to be at peace.

Sometimes relationships just don't work out even when you have done all that you can. Especially in a relationship as sacred and special as marriage, it is easy to find yourself feeling like a complete failure when a relationship in your life comes to a close.

Through this process there are five strategies that I have put into practice to help me remember this and maintain an attitude of gratitude, high self-esteem and hopefulness.

Start a gratitude journal

My mom challenged me to find a cute little notebook to carry around and write down one thing from each day to be grateful for. She also suggested to find three things about myself that I am grateful for each day. Whether that was three attributes or three things that I did that weren't easy for me, I needed to recognize those efforts and thank myself for them. Some days this included acts of selflessness towards others, and some days it was simply that I got out of bed.

Nurture healthy relationships

Surround yourself with those who encourage you, those who are not judgmental and whom you value in your life. Call them, spend time with them and express your gratitude to them for the positive relationship that you share. These are the relationships that will remind you that you are capable of having successful relationships that bring out the best in you.

Take Care of Yourself

This applies to your physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health.

Physically keep yourself healthy by eating well, exercising, and most importantly (to me) getting enough sleep! It's much easier to handle the stresses and emotions that come with ending a relationship when you feel good and are well-rested.

While talking with friends and family is helpful emotionally, seeing a licensed therapist is one of the best decisions I made in learning how to handle my emotions and process my experiences from my first divorce. I don't believe that you need to be "broken" to go to a counselor. Everyone can benefit from talking with a counselor and finding new ways to thrive emotionally.

Spiritual health includes following your moral compass and beliefs, even on your hardest days. It's not uncommon for people going through tough break-ups and divorces to panic and abandon beliefs out of doubt and discouragement. Staying true to my religious beliefs and values provided me peace and direction in moving forward. I also maintained a clear conscious in knowing I did not rebel against what I felt was right.

Learn Your Lessons

Certainly at the conclusion of my first divorce, I was convinced that I had marriage figured out. I knew what I would look for in future dating experiences and all the ways in which I would avoid ever divorcing again. I had a long list in my journal of all of the lessons I had learned and I would be happy if I ever remarried. Throughout my second marriage, I quickly realized there was much more to learn. I had grown and changed very much since my last relationship and I was in a relationship with someone completely different. I learned new lessons.

When you feel emotionally ready to reflect on your past relationships, there are lessons to be learned from every one of these involvements. Each person holds new experiences and opportunities to grow and develop. I made this a part of my gratitude journal as I wrote down these lessons ways I was grateful for what my ex-husbands had taught me.

Practice positivity

It's easy to complain and be negative about our situation or the person with which our relationship has ended. It's a common defense-mechanism to use hatred and negativity towards someone to protect ourselves from feeling sadness, hurt and loss. However, learning to speak positively about that individual as well as finding the joy in our situation can help us to quickly heal and become genuinely happy. Use positivity in your gratitude journal. Enlist the help of your support groups and loved ones to also stay positive and speak positively of your ex-friend or ex-significant other. Stay positive as you embrace living a healthy, balanced schedule and implementing the lessons you've learned into your daily life.

These five strategies have given me the opportunity to grow and become a better person from my ex-spouses. I've been able to maintain a sense of self-worth and avoid the trap of feeling like a failure when relationships in my life fail. We will all have relationships that don't last and rather than let ourselves become destroyed because of the heartbreak and guilt, approach the healing process in a productive way to grow and stay happy!

The post 5 steps to avoid feeling like a failure when relationships fail appeared first on FamilyToday.