Remember that feeling you had when loading your baby into the car to bring him or her home from the hospital for the first time? That overwhelming feeling of love and pride and joy, and "You're just going to let us TAKE this baby home with no instructions or supervision or anything? Are you crazy? Do you KNOW us? We can't keep plants alive in our house!"

You've probably come a long way since then, but raising kids is never an easy task. And perhaps if we didn't understand how important this job is we wouldn't worry so much about it.

If your kids could better articulate what they wish you knew, here are seven things I believe they would tell you:

1. They don't want you to make them happy

As parents, we want so badly for our kids to be happy. We go to great lengths to help them feel happy and when they are mad, sad, afraid or unhappy, we try to talk them into choosing happy again. While this comes from a good place, consider for a moment the last time you felt sad or mad and someone tried to talk you out of it before you were ready to feel good. Negative emotion is a part of life, and when we give our kids permission to feel it, and love them anyway, they understand that they can handle it and that it doesn't mean anything is wrong with them or their experience. That's a valuable lesson.

2. They don't want to be told they are smart, talented or naturally gifted

When we praise what we view are innate abilities in a child, they hear the message that they should be good at things, and if they have to put in a lot of effort, they are less valuable. This kind of well-intended praise tends to make children fearful of failure or mistakes. When they face tasks that do not come naturally, they are more likely to not even try. Instead, praise their effort and encourage mistakes. People who are comfortable experiencing failure, and don't attach it to their intrinsic worth, are the people who do amazing things in this life.

3. They don't need elaborate décor or meals. They need you

While I believe it's fine to enjoy cooking or entertaining for a holiday or special occasion, it can easily get out of hand and become a stressful situation - and your kids feel it. When Easter dinner is over-the-top, the majority of the night is spent setting tables, cooking, and cleaning up the endless pile of dishes. Consider balancing things by spending less time on home and meals, and more time playing with and teaching your kids. Those moments spent in play create memories for them that will last much longer than the centerpiece on the table. Keep a healthy balance.

4. They don't want to be the reason you don't pursue your goals or dreams

How often do you find yourself thinking, "I would love to do that, but I can't because I have kids"? Now imagine your own mom or dad saying the same thing. Wouldn't you want to say, "Mom, go for it! You would be amazing at that and we can all pitch in and help and we'll be fine! You can do both. I know you can!"

Keeping priorities in order is important, but many people use their kids as excuses to stay small, hide and not take risks. Showing your kids that you're willing to show up in the world and contribute all you can will send an important message about their potential as well.

5. The way you talk to them becomes the way they talk to themselves

We all have an inner voice that talks to us and creates much of our self-esteem, and experts claim that the majority of that voice comes from the way our parents talked to us growing up. Many people spend a lot of money in counseling and coaching to recognize and then change that voice if it's not serving them well. But as a parent you can help mold a helpful inner voice for them now.

Being kind doesn't mean not being direct and honest. Help your child see when they've made mistakes and where they can improve themselves, but do it from a place of love and compassion rather than with a critical and frustrated tone. In the end, if they can self-assess and make corrections from a place of self-appreciation, they are likely to be more confident and compassionate with others as well.

6. They don't need you to be perfect

When you are able to make mistakes, be vulnerable, show weaknesses and imperfection and handle it with humility and grace, your kids get an amazing example of a powerful way to live. So many of us are hiding in an attempt to not show our faults, and our kids see that. Authenticity helps us feel connected to one another. Say you're sorry, show them where you are focused on learning and growing, and teach them that perfection is just an illusion and authenticity is a much more empowering way to live.

7. They love every little part of you

They aren't always able to articulate it, but your children love you. Some of them are lost and confused right now and they don't say it. Others are very small and don't know how to express themselves, but if they could tell you, they'd want you to know how much they love you - all of you. Your tough parts and your tender parts. Your fun parts and your scared parts. Even your squishy parts. They love and need exactly what you, and only you, have to offer.

Love on mama. And a happy Mother's Day to you.

The post 7 things your kids wish you knew appeared first on FamilyToday.

Babies cry. We all know this. Our family pediatrician says "crying equals breathing," so when I hear crying, I consider it good news. What I didn't fully realize before having my own children, however, is that some kids cry more than others. There are many theories as to why, but when you're a tired parent, theories are less useful than remedies for putting a stop to that "good news" coming from the other room.

My first child was one of those babies who cried a lot and, for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. I tried the usual feeding, changing, burping, rocking "¦ but it didn't matter what I tried. He wanted to cry. Scratch that. He wanted to scream. The harder I tried to quiet him, the more he escalated until I finally had to leave him alone in his crib and get in the shower to calm my nerves.

As my baby grew older, his outbursts began to look different, but tantrum triggers remained elusive with no clear remedies. As a toddler, he would cry until he threw up. By the time he was 6, the crying was often replaced by overall grumpiness and dissatisfaction for life.

He hated Legoland because it was too hot and his feet hurt from walking around. He didn't want to go to the movies - ever. He disliked the beach because of the sand, and eating out at restaurants was the ultimate torture to him. At school, he feared making mistakes and worried about not being able to find me at pickup time.

As his mom, I believed it was my job to help my son be happy, to teach him to be grateful for his blessed life, to help him not to be scared. I felt sure that living in so much misery must be awful, and it made me frustrated and sad for my child. Surely, it would serve him well to change, and it was my job to change him.

I lost my patience with him and found myself lecturing him about the importance of choosing happiness. Sometimes, I tried to talk him into not being afraid by explaining how unwarranted his fears were. It didn't work. All the sales training I had from my days in Corporate America did nothing to help me sell my son on being happy. I was exhausted, frustrated and sad.

I'd read countless parenting books and found wisdom in many of them, but it wasn't until I began my training as a Certified Life Coach that I figured out what to do about my unhappy child. It was the same thing that had always worked - the same thing I'd done when he was a newborn. I needed first to leave him alone in his crib to "cry it out," and second to get in the shower so I could feel good anyway.

Allow your child to "cry it out"

Of course, there is no actual crib involved, but rather than trying to convince my son to be happy, I've learned the best thing I can do is allow him to feel what he's feeling and give him space. Many adults don't know how to process negative emotions. We only know how to resist and avoid them - and it's no wonder. From the beginning, adults around us taught us (just as I was teaching my son) that feeling happy is best and we should resist feeling sad, frustrated or scared. The truth is, there is nothing wrong with feeling negative emotions. In fact, resisting them is more painful than simply allowing and processing them. Some experts even suggest that resisting negative emotion ultimately leads to depression.

When my son is angry that we are going to the river on a sunny Saturday to hike around, I now allow him to be angry. I don't try to talk him out of it. I tell him we are going to the river and he can feel however he wants to about it - I love him no matter what. Then, we all get in the car and go.

I also allow my son to be afraid if he feels afraid. I believe, perhaps, there are times he is supposed to be scared. I may not know the reasons why, but I know that if I teach him to resist his fears, he will spend his entire life unable to process them - much like many of the adults I work with now. So, I remind my son that I will always find him after school, and I explain that mistakes are allowed, but then I tell him that he can feel afraid as long as he needs to, and I remind him again of how much I love him.

Allow yourself to feel good anyway

I finally realized that I'm in charge of my own emotions. I decided that, while I'll always hope for my son to experience as much joy in his life as he can, his attitude does not define my own emotional well-being. In fact, putting my son in charge of my feelings will only add to his struggle to understand what he is feeling. My son can be grumpy, and I can still be happy - if I choose.

When I took back responsibility for my own emotions, I decided I didn't want to feel frustrated or overly worried about my son. I wanted to feel love and peace, and while I'm still not perfect at this, most of the time I can do it. When I feel frustration rising up, I ask myself, "Why do you need him to be happy for you to be happy? He is a child. You're the adult." I laugh now at the irony of me needing my son to feel something I wasn't choosing to feel myself. I blamed my grumpiness on his behavior, and he blamed his grumpiness on other things. In the end, both of us were unhappy - the difference was that I should have had the emotional maturity to know better.

My son is now 9 years old and still what I would consider to be a contrarian. It takes a lot for him to get excited and not much for him to be disappointed or grumpy. But in the past two years since changing my parenting approach, I've seen my son's resiliency and confidence multiply. He has a goofy sense of humor. He acts silly with his sister and brother. He is a master of the yo-yo and loves learning Taekwondo. And then, some days, he gets grumpy for no apparent reason -but I don't make it mean that something is wrong. This is my son's journey, and I will be here for him the entire way. Our relationship has evolved from one of frustration and disappointment to one of mutual respect and unconditional love. It's not perfect, but it's peaceful.

The post The mistake every parent makes, no matter how old the child appeared first on FamilyToday.

But no job taught me more than when I coached business leaders for a large company. It turns out effective leadership principles are not only effective in corporate America, they work for moms too.

I didn't always look at my mom job this way. I mostly tried to survive each day drinking in the sweet moments and enduring everything else. I turned into a grumpier, unhealthy version of myself when I was living that way. Then I discovered a way to thrive while still being a mess. Here are three basic leadership principles that made me a better woman and a better mom.

1. You must have a way to evaluate your effectiveness

Employees need to know when they are winning at their jobs because winning feels good and employees who feel good do better work. It should be clear, measurable and within the employee's control

It can't be company profits because unless you're the CEO, that's not within your control. Instead, it should be behavior-based measurements that will most likely lead to success for the department or organization.

For example, when I waited tables, I was successful if I offered dessert to 90 percent of my tables. If I'd been judged on dessert sales and there was a Paleo convention in town, I would have failed. But if I just offered it to most tables, odds are there would be plenty of my kind of people who know that there's always room for cake, and I would sell desserts.

When I ask women how they know whether or not they've done a good job each day as a mom, they usually give me some version of, "If my kids are happy I did well." So we talk about how kids get to choose how they're going to feel and they will sometimes choose unhappy for no reason. They're kids.

And what if your child is upset because you won't let him play on the highway? It's OK to want happiness for your kids, but it's not the right measure of your effectiveness as a mom and because most of us don't think about it, it's the main one we use.

I use "I'm all here" time to evaluate my own success as a mom. I'm not allowed to multitask during this time. No phone, computer or housework. Instead I'm focused on really listening to their ridiculous stories, playing a game or even doing homework with them. And I require a minimum of 30 minutes daily. Side note: I don't do trampolines, anything related to the movie "Frozen," or board games that lower your IQ like Chutes and Ladders or Candyland.

I'm all here time is where I believe I will get the best result in my mom job because it's whenwe connect and I show them they are important to me. When I do it, I congratulate myself on a good day. When I don't do it I consider how I can do better.

I don't judge my day on the condition of my house (usually messy) or the state of my kids (moody at best). Those are things I still strive for, but they don't define my success as a mom.

2. The best jobs provide ongoing development

Most companies realize that the safest way to get an employee to do a job the way you want it done is to provide training. Ongoing development not only helps increase skill level, it can be motivating to the employee and increases job satisfaction. It sends a message about the value of the employee. Training costs money and companies don't invest money in people they don't value. You send your best employees to conferences and classes because you'll get the biggest return on your investment from them.

So mom, how do you invest in yourself? And parenting classes barely count. Your emotional health has a bigger impact on your kids than anything else. Studies show that whether mom stays at home or works is less indicative of a child's well-being than whether mom is emotionally healthy and happy. Focus on developing yourself as a whole by learning about the things that you are most interested in.

I read a lot of books, but I know that if I really want to learn something, I need a teacher. I enroll myself in at least one coaching program, class or conference every quarter to ensure I am getting the development opportunities I need to improve and to feel excited about myself and my life. There are a lot of opportunities to learn in today's world. Pick something and invest in yourself. You are worth the investment.

3. Work/Life balance is essential to avoid burnout

If you push employees to work harder and longer, you might see an increase in performance initially, but it is not a sustainable model of leadership. People will eventually burn out if they don't have work/life balance.

Moms are no different except that the line between "work" and "life" is blurry because your job is your life. If taking a shower is your only escape and nap time is so precious you can't decide what to focus on first, you may need more balance. Your mind is going to tell you it's impossible. It will tell you "there is nobody to help," or "I can't afford it," but if you remind yourself that you're capable of figuring it out, you'll find a way.

I have someone watch my kids at set times every week so I can have a break from that part of my life and focus on something else. I used to think I couldn't afford that, but now I know I can't afford not to and I figured out a way to pay for it. It's worth every penny. I want my kids to remember me as a happy healthy person, not as the burned-out, resentful, tired woman I am when I don't have balance.

In the end, I am my own boss. Nobody else is going to figure these things out for me. When I am a good boss to myself, I'm willing to do all sorts of tasks that aren't on the top of my list of favorite activities. When I neglect myself or don't pay attention to how I'm doing, I become a problem employee to myself and my family.

You can do this, mom. You're the most valuable employee on your team. God sent those kids to you because you are the one he wants doing the job. Apply these basic leadership principles and you'll find your success and your happiness on the up and up.

The post 3 ways corporate America made me a better mom appeared first on FamilyToday.

I also remember my husband and I expressing our desires to make each other happy for the rest of our lives. What I didn't realize is that while that sounded good, it was actually not possible. No other person can make you happy. That's your own job. If you're thinking you saw a pretty quote about this on Pinterest, which sounded good but it doesn't feel true in reality, I'd like you to consider that what I'm saying is good news and here's why. If another person can't make you happy, that means another person also can't make you sad.

Perhaps your husband isn't good at remembering to take the garbage out. You might have had conversations where you explain how much you need his help, and he agrees to try to take on this chore. When he still doesn't do it, you might think it is his behavior making you feel frustrated, but I have news for you. It's not. His behavior can't make you feel anything . It is what you think about him not taking the garbage out that is causing you frustration. Perhaps you have thoughts like, "He should take the garbage out. If I were really important to him, he would do it. If he cared more about our family and home, he would take out the darn garbage."

Those are all thoughts that might cause you to feel bad, and you probably have a good reason for believing them, so I'm not suggesting you change them right away. But if you can just acknowledge to yourself that it is only your thinking giving you the feeling of frustration, you will gain the power to feel however you want to feel regardless of his behavior.

Let's imagine you get really mad and yell at him. Suddenly he starts taking the garbage out. A part of you might be happy to not have to deal with mounds of trash, but you might also have thoughts such as, "He is only doing it because I got mad. He doesn't do anything unless I really get upset. It won't last long." These thoughts will still give you negative emotions like frustration or anger even though your husband is now taking out the garbage. Proof that it's not his action but your thoughts about it causing your feelings.

If you want to feel happy even though your husband isn't behaving how you want him to, begin by leaning into his behavior and accepting it rather than resisting it. While life is always going to have challenges and experiencing negative emotion is part of the deal, the majority of the stress, frustration and anger we experience is created by us and is not necessary or helpful. It begins when we resist what is going on around us because of our belief that it should be different or because we make it mean something painful about ourselves or our lives.

Once you've accepted reality, provide yourself the love, attention and support you want and need. If you pay attention to yourself long enough, you'll get to the root of what you really need, and then you can access your own wisdom about how to provide it. Your internal dialog should be supportive and compassionate towards yourself. Remember that you are amazing, and you have nothing to do with that. The credit goes to your Creator. You are capable of figuring things out, and you need and deserve your own love.

What if you didn't need your husband to change his behavior in order for you to feel good? What if you just allowed him to be who he is and do whatever he wants and you just loved him anyway? I know the garbage is a relatively small problem, but this concept applies to any scenario you can imagine.

I've worked with women who feel upset because their husbands no longer believe in their religion, who aren't there for their kids, or who are having affairs. Giving him the power over your emotions is really unkind to yourself. When you can release your thoughts about what should be and acknowledge that he can do what he wants (psst"¦.he's going to, anyway), then from a place of peace and love you can do whatever you want, as well.

Acceptance is not the same thing as approval

I'm not suggesting you don't have expectations and make requests of him, but if he doesn't honor those requests, are you going to surrender control of your feelings to him or choose how you want to feel and what you want to do in the end? You will be much more capable of tapping into your own creative wisdom about how to solve the challenges in your life if you do it from empowerment rather than as a victim. Making decisions from a place of peace and love will ensure the decision is truly the best one for you and not just an attempt to escape negative feelings created in your mind.

"Hi babe, I noticed you're not getting to the garbage like we talked about, and I found a solution. The neighbor boy is looking to make money so I'm hiring him to take out the garbage twice a day for $20 per week because garbage-taking-out is not something I'm ready to add to my already full to-do list. I just wanted to let you know so when you see this item on our budget you'll know what's up. I'm going to deduct $5 from the groceries and $15 from your golf budget to cover it. Good plan, right? I love you, honey."

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