An engaged couple - both previously married - came to my office for therapy, worrying about how they would blend their families after their wedding. Both had little girls (Jill and Sally), age 5, that were very different. How would the children ever become friends, let alone sisters? And the husband-to-be had a teenage son and the wife an 8-year-old daughter to add to the mix. Could blending this family ever work?

Discuss the problem and develop a plan

The couple talked about the problem and came up with the following plan:

1. They prayed fervently, asking God to help blend their new family.

2. They planned a time for each of the children to get to know each other.

3. They identified each child's strengths.

4. They planned activities to highlight each individual's talents.

Build relationships

As the children began to build relationships, the couple held a brain-storming session with the kids to come up with ways they could work together:

1. Each member of the family listed the things they were best at.

2. Each set a goal to find ways to share their abilities with the family.

3. They prayerfully asked Heavenly Father to help them.

This is what happened:

Jill loved to ride her bike from morning until night. She hadn't needed training wheels for over a year. Sally's bike had training wheels, but she was afraid to ride it, even with the training wheels. "It was too tippy."�

On the other hand, Sally loved to dress up and dance. When her mother turned on the music, Sally could twirl and leap through the room. Jill had never danced before. Music had not been a part of her life. Both parents encouraged the girls to enjoy their own talents and try something new. It wasn't long before Sally began to ride her bike - just in the driveway at first, and then down the path near her house. Soon Jill - dripping in costume jewelry and twirly skirts - looped and twisted to the music. Both Jill and Sally learned new skills and their self-esteem grew.

Jake, age 13, didn't know if he would like his new family or not. Kathy, age 8, felt the same way. She also worried about her new school. Because of the family problems she'd experienced the past few years, she was reading below grade level and had to practice every day as part of her homework.

One day Kathy sat on the couch, struggling with the new words in her library book when Jake came into the room. "I remember having a hard time reading that book at first, too,"� he said. He sat down beside her and listened. "This is my favorite part, coming up,"� he said as she got further into the book.

Both parents watched and gave a prayer of thanks.

Soon Jake and Kathy became homework buddies - Kathy's reading improved, and Jake told his mother he liked having a new sister and friend.

Synergizing worked because

1. The couple developed healthy communication skills.

2. They planned ahead.

3. They included the children in the process.

4. Prayer was always a priority in all they did.

These synergizing ideas can work in any family and might be fun to try with in-tact families and single-parent families.

The post ‘Synergizing’ a blended family appeared first on FamilyToday.

Sometimes we all get up on the wrong side of the bed. At other times, tension overtakes us as we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. How can we center ourselves - find a way to let go of our troubles and get back to a happy, loving place? Laughter is a powerful vehicle for releasing tension and helping us focus on the positive.

One Sunday morning, the day after Halloween, I walked behind a 3-year-old girl in an angel costume. Her mother was just pinning a sign on her back that said, "This was not my idea." The little angel spun around as she walked down the aisle, twirling her full white skirt. She was obviously enjoying the moment. Her mother trailed behind her, hiding her embarrassment under a fashionable broad-brimmed hat. I put my arm around her mom and said, "Your charming daughter has lightened everyone's day. Thanks for bringing your angel to church."� The mom laughed and rolled her eyes.

Aren't children wonderful? They give the world a new perspective that we, as adults, sometimes forget.

I attended a meeting where a little boy took off his shoe and twirled it around his head by the lace, eventually letting it fly. It sailed across the room into an older lady's lap. Startled, she turned around and saw the little boy hang his head in embarrassment. Then she began to snicker - soon everyone was smiling. Witnessing that incident gave me a happy heart for several days to come. The chuckle inside me lasted and lasted. I still smile when I think of the incident.

My mom was single when my brother and I were growing up. She was widowed and there were no close male role models with whom my brother could identify. One day he decided to shave, so he found an electric razor and sheared off his eyebrows. He looked just like a ghost. She laughed and painted eyebrows on him with a make-up pencil, and off to school he went. That has been a favorite story in our family for years and has lightened many a dinner conversation. The grandchildren still enjoy it.

Laughter is a marvelous way to reverse the negativity inside us and help us lighten up. Silly movies and jokes keep positive power in our lives. Remember the scene in Mary Poppins where Uncle Albert tells Bert jokes? They laugh so hard they float up to the ceiling with the tea table. Jane and Michael join in the fun and drift up. I feel happy just thinking of it. What a wonderful metaphor that scene gives us. Laughter helps us rise to greater heights and also provides a connection to those around us. Let laughter help lighten up and keep your conduit open to giving and receiving love.

The post Ways to lighten up appeared first on FamilyToday.