You look good. I don't tell you often enough, but you look really good.

You think you look rough and you think you look tired, but to me, you look like how I want my man to look. You look like a man who gives his all to his family and to the others around him, each and every day, day in and day out. So, when you are feeling slightly less hunky than George Clooney, know that you have a wife who thinks you are more of a stud than any of the Sexiest Man Award winners.

Don't believe me? Let me convince you...

You look good...

Cloaked in kindness -

it's your aura and you wear it well.

Wearing compassion -

it's your look of choice and you exude it with ease.

Rocking humor -

it's your favorite thing to rock and it looks so natural on you.

When you are impassioned -

impassioned with our children, with your work, and with your hopes and dreams for our family.

Trying on fearlessness -

it's so becoming and attractive on you.

In motivation -

so good that you inspire me to stay motivated as well.

Sweaty from hard work-

hard work that you take on tirelessly and without complaint.

Wrapped in hugs from our children -

it's probably my favorite look on you.

Dressed in determination -

determination for our family to make all of our dreams come true.

Donning optimism -

which complements me when I am wearing pessimism.

So, remember how you thought you looked rough and tired? Well, if this is rough and tired, then go ahead and look rough and tired all the time because you have never looked better.

To my wife

You look good, too. I don't tell you often enough, but you look really good.

You think you look rough and you think you look tired, but to me, you look like how I want my wife to look. You look like a wife who gives her all, and much more, to her family and to the others around her, each and every day, day in and day out. So, when you are feeling slightly less "hot" than Gisele Bündchen, know that you have a husband who thinks that you are more beautiful than any of the Sexiest Woman Award winners.

Don't believe me? Let me convince you...

You look good...

Cloaked in exhaustion -

it's your aura and you wear it well and to me, well, it says that your children mean the world to you.

Wearing yesterday's clothes -

it's not your look of choice, but you rock it with confidence anyway.

In your messy bun -

you'd like to impress me and others with a new hairstyle, but this is your go-to and I love it.

When you are impassioned -

impassioned with our children, with your work and with your dreams for our family.

Trying on worry -

you don't like to wear it but it's natural on you, and the place it comes from is your huge heart.

In motivation -

motivation to be a good mom, a good wife, a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, and just a basic good human being.

In selflessness -

and your choice to wear it typically results in some self-neglect, which you take on without complaint.

Wrapped in hugs from our children -

it's probably my favorite look on you.

Dressed in determination -

determination for our family to make all of our dreams come true.

Donning optimism -

which complements me when I am wearing pessimism.

So, remember how you thought you looked rough and tired? Well, if this is rough and tired, then go ahead and look rough and tired all the time because you have never looked better.

And, for those days that you are still feeling unassure of yourself, are unconvinced of my love and unwavering attraction for you, just ask me to tell you what I love about you today and I gladly will.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Nicole Merritt's website. It has been republished here with permission.

The post You look good: When your spouse sees what you don’t appeared first on FamilyToday.

What's an upstander? Well, by definition an upstander is "one of the handlebars of an Eskimo sledge."

That was not the definition I was looking for.

Nope. Ugh ... let's try this again, and this time let's resort to the Urban Dictionary, OK?

What's an upstander? Well, according to Urban Dictionary, an upstander is "a person who stands up for his or her beliefs," who does what they think is right. They are the opposite of a bystander.

The world right now is full of bystanders, and there is no doubt that on at least one occasion, each and every one of us has been a cowardly bystander.

Most of us can watch an episode of "What Would You Do?" and yell at our television screens, cursing the unsuspecting individual who failed to act. But, when we ourselves are confronted with controversial or inappropriate situations that are right in front of our faces, we choose to turn away and ignore them, or worse we choose to keep watching and stay silent.

Listen, I get it and it has happened to me too. Observing a wrong choice makes me feel super uneasy, and public disputes make my stomach turn. I am embarrassed to say that I can recall quite a few occasions where I walked away from a negative incident to which I was not a party, but clearly should have stepped up and spoke up.

So, why didn't I? I'll share with you.

Ninety percent of the times that I didn't speak up were because of one of the following reasons:

1. My young children were with me.

2. I was fearful of physical retaliation.

3. I was in a rush and did not have time.

4. I felt as though I didn't know enough to speak up.

While these are completely genuine reasons for remaining a bystander, the fact is that they are excuses - and I realize that now. I have come to understand that 99.9 percent of the time, I should speak up and it is because of one of the following reasons:

1. My young children were with me

This is a reason to stand up for my beliefs, defend another's when they align with mine, or at minimum stand up for the notion that respect must be given and had amongst ALL individuals regardless of their beliefs. There is no better time to teach your children about right and wrong, about bullying and befriending, about meaningful conversation and surface-level banter, and about how all people in this world should be behaving toward one another - with kindness and respect.

2. I was fearful of physical retaliation

Never back down from a fight and never, ever feel intimidated by anyone. No one is better than you, smarter than you or stronger than you. You are as good, smart and strong as you need to be, and that should enable you to have the self-assurance to always do what you think is right, even if it goes against the norm or the bully.

3. I was in a rush and did not have time

How lame? There is always time to be a good person. There is always time to do the right thing.

4. I felt as though I didn't know enough to speak up

You don't need to have a stellar IQ or be up to date on CNN's latest news cycle to be able to distinguish between a positive and productive conversation, and one that is going nowhere fast. You know that active listening is a key ingredient in a successful dialogue, and you don't have to know anything to be able to listen. You just need to be present and willing to converse.

Standing on the sideline is not my style - not in parenting, not in my marriage, surely not when it comes to my children's health and education, and definitely not on my blog ... so, why in the world am I choosing not to participate in life's spontaneous discords?

I'm not anymore. I am going to be an active upstander and raise my children to be the same.

How about you?

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Nicole Merritt's website. It has been republished here with permission.

The post In a world full of bystanders, be an upstander appeared first on FamilyToday.

Perfect marriages are a fallacy. They are dreamed up in your mind and not based on reality. Most spousal partnerships, like any other relationship, have their ups and their downs, their peaks and their valleys, their triumphs and their hardships.

But, did you know that only a few minor adjustments to your marriage can result in a huge improvement? It's true and I am going to tell you what those are.

Here is what you should work on:

Small Change #1: Hug and kiss your spouse each morning

And I don't mean like a little pat on the back, but a true, tight, both arms wrapped all the way around type hug. And a kiss too. Yes, you may have morning breath, but you need four lips coming together for this to work - not a lip and a cheek or a lip and a forehead, but a meaningful and purposeful kiss. This sounds so simple, but for those who are not morning people and who typically look and act like a coffee-lacking monster before 9:00 a.m., this one may be pushing it. Remember, this is important, so please try it. Try it for a week, and then tell me if you and your spouse are not getting along better. My bet and hope is that you will be.

Small Change #2: Text less and talk more

This one can be a struggle for those that are just not talk-on-the-phone people. So many of us, myself included, prefer the convenience and ease of sending and answering text messages. The reason (aside from convenience) I think that most of us stray away from phone calls is that we are constantly transferring stress, anxiety, and other negative emotions through the phone to our partner - intentionally or unintentionally. We have come to favor and resort to texting as our primary mode of communication because nothing more than words and emojis typically transfer from one partner to the other. This is a mistake. In talking less - like actual talking -we are inevitably contributing to the weakening of our spousal intimacy and really bypassing the chance to deepen our connection.

Small Change #3: Stop complaining

No, like really, STOP COMPLAINING. All of the time both my husband and I are complaining about what the other did or did not do, or what the other did, but didn't do correctly. You are not each other's parent. You are not each other's teacher. So much time is wasted in marriages (and in friendships for that matter) on people whining and grumbling about their discontent over minuscule things. GET SOME PERSPECTIVE. Don't have any? Then find some, and don't sweat the small stuff.

Small Change #4: Linger your looks at one another

Really look at each other more. Really see the other person. How do they look today? Do they look tired? Sad? Excited? Refreshed? How often do you look at your partner long enough to ask yourself these questions? How about me? I never do it. But, I should be. I definitely should be.

So often in the busy, craziness, and both the predictability and unpredictability of each day, we rush our looks at our partner. I am not even sure we see them all of the time. On a daily basis partners often see past each other to the next place they are headed. We need to stop this. We need to stare a little longer at one another. We need to look a little deeper and below the surface. We need to look with curiosity as to our partners thoughts, desires, needs, etc. Then, after we have done that, we will have something meaningful to talk about.

Small Change #5: Be slightly less confident in the security of your relationship

This one may seem counterproductive, but hear me out. You have to do this one the right way or you may not see a positive impact. What I mean by this is that for so many couples, we get too comfortable. We think "OK, this person married me, they are mine forever, they are not going to leave me no matter what I do (or don't do), it'll all work out." Right? Wrong. Totally wrong. Remember when you and your spouse were dating and you felt vulnerable, yet excited and happy, yet cautious - that is how you need to be now. That is how you need to remain throughout your relationship. When we are too confident in our relationship status, that is when we typically start to take our partner for granted.

Listen up. Yes, these are small changes and they do sound easy but they are not. They are not easy to implement day, after day, after day. In my opinion, no change is easy, even tiny ones - especially when you doubt making changes to something that is seemingly going "OK enough." Don't settle for "OK enough."

I am not trying to give you the tools for a perfect marriage - like I stated earlier, there isn't one. But, what there is and what you will achieve by making these small changes is a happy and successful marriage ... or at least one closer to that.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Nicole Merritt's website. It has been republished here with permission.

The post 5 small changes that will improve your marriage appeared first on FamilyToday.

From the moment our children are born, we feel that we can see so much about them - who they are, their future, and all of the great things they can and will do - just from merely looking into their newly-opened, novice and innocent eyes. Then when they are toddlers, with one long glance, if they let you get one, you can get a glimpse into their gentle, yet strong soul.

The special role that us parents get to play in the lives of our sons, and daughters for that matter, is to guide those innocent eyes and strong souls towards grace and grandeur - and yes, they can achieve and have both.

On my blog, I shared what I believed to be ten life skills that are of the utmost importance if you want to raise your daughter to be independent. Well, our boys are no different. I would contend that the life skills we should teach to our daughters are the same life skills that we should teach to our sons. These life skills include:

1. Teach him how to make honest money.

2. Teach him how to change a tire and understand the mechanics of a car.

3. Teach him that people's inner beauty is way more important than their outer beauty.

4. Teach him how to defend himself.

5. Teach him how to engage in banter.

6. Teach him about discrimination.

7. Teach him how to say "No."

8. Teach him what real love should be like.

9. Teach him how to think for himself.

10. Teach him that you will always be there for him.

However, boys need to learn more than just skills of independency to be great men. And on the contrary, I would affirm that one of the defining characteristics of great men is their natural and practically perfected ability to think outside of themselves. All the great men that I know and have read about are men that have consistently looked towards contributing to this world in a positive way that affects others.

What are some of the attributes that "great men" possess? I'll share with you what I believe to be 10 attributes of great men - historical and present day.

1. Encourage him to be CARING

This includes having both compassion and empathy for others. The best way for you to teach this to your son is by modeling it. It is important that your child sees you being kind-hearted and considerate across all types of situations and towards all types of people. Additionally, I would suggest that you emphasize for your son the importance of caring about things, places, the environment, the education system - anything and everything that plays an imperative role in the world in which he is growing up.

2. Help keep him FOCUSED

Depending upon your son's age, this can be challenging, but it remains to be so very important. There is a saying that "If you chase two rabbits, both will escape." This may be a useful analogy when trying to explain the benefit and power of focus to your son. Help them to keep their mind clear, strive with purpose, and be productive - where their focus goes, their energy will follow and so will results.

3. Teach him how to be COOPERATIVE

Cooperation is key, for the most part, to getting anything done. One thing that I would advocate for is that all children possess a steady moral compass and certain values. I would agree with those who contend that cooperation is a higher moral principle than competition. While I see and understand how a competitive nature can be a motivating force for some, I believe cooperation is more important and advantageous. It is my belief that when people are unified, no matter how small the matter, wonderful things can be achieved - things that couldn't be achieved otherwise.

4. Advise him to be DYNAMIC

Dynamic people are special and this world needs more charismatic and influential people. Although as parents we have a tendency to stifle our children's energetic and lively nature, I would advise against it. There is a quote that "strong lives are motivated by dynamic purposes" (Kenneth Hildebrand). I would state that dynamic purposes are sought and pursued by intense go-getters. Encourage your son to be one of those.

5. Explain to him the importance of remaining HUMBLE

Being humble is one of the hardest things for a human being to do. "Being humble means recognizing we are not on Earth to see how important we can become, but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others." (Gordon B. Hinckley) Make sure that your son understands and believes that he is no better than anyone else.

6. Allow him to be INNOVATIVE

As adults, we have a tendency to try to stick to our same old ways for solving problems - new problems or old problems. Our children, thankfully, do not. Instead, most young children today are creative in their thinking. Be a proponent of this. Never let your son lose his innovative spirit. Don't be the person telling them that they are "wrong," or "nuts," or "crazy," be the one pushing them to "think big."

7. Instruct him to be WELL-MANNERED

If we want well-manned children, we need to be well-mannered ourselves. Putting this into action is not as easy as it sounds, but it is of dire importance. It is one thing to be educated, but without good mannerisms and respect for others, your level of intelligence holds no weight. We also need to guide our sons to put up with bad manners, as that will surely be a test of their own mannerisms.

8. Nurture him to not be PRETENTIOUS

If you want your son to be "great" and you want for him to be happy, help him to find beauty and pleasure in all people, as well as in the simple and quiet things in this world.

9. Foster his PEACEFULNESS

Early on in their lives, most children come to believe that peace is achieved via satisfying their desires, but it isn't. We have to teach our sons, and all children, to direct themselves to find internal harmony regardless of what is happening outside of them - this will take time, but it is possible.

10. Advocate for him to be INVOLVED in anything and everything (as long as it is healthy) that he desires.

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started."

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Nicole Merritt's website. It has been republished here with permission.

The post 10 ways you can guide your son to be a great man appeared first on FamilyToday.

My husband and I recently celebrated NINE long years of being married. There are plenty of people who have been married for much longer, and then there are those that are only in their first few years of marriage - I envy both.

I envy the couple that has been married for 25 years and are still going strong, or really, just still going at all. I also envy the couple that is fresh into their marriage, planning out how to live their dreams and discussing the possibility of having children.

BUT, more than envying those in a different stage of marriage than myself, I feel a gratefulness, a contentedness, a sense of security, and feelings of excitement when I think about the place my marriage is currently in.

You see, when people have been married for over, let's say eight years, there is a definite chance that some feelings of intense love have lessened. It is around this point (and for many, even way before then) that one or both members of a couple start to take each other for granted. I would say that passing eight years can be considered a turning point. Eight years into a marriage and you and your spouse have probably established your individual and joint dreams, have decided whether or not to have children, and have agreed upon your plans for the future - all really big, important, life-altering decisions.

Under the weight and stress that these decisions may cause to both you and your partner, you (individually or mutually) may feel a sense of drifting apart. But, what I would suggest and ask of you is that you harness that drift in your favor. Find the positive in the drift, use the drift's momentum to alter it and ultimately turn the direction of the drift back towards your partner.

How do you do that? I'll tell you ...

I want for you to get back to craving one another, but I also want for you to accept the normalcy of your relationship.

I want for you to move toward your common goals with optimism and zeal, while weathering each challenge, obstacle and any tragedy with both physical and emotional strength.

I want you to stop looking to your spouse to "fill your love tank," because the truth is that nothing is more attractive to your partner than for you to have a full love tank - one that you filled all by yourself, for yourself.

I want you to let go of all of your insecurities and let in some jovial humor.

I want you to focus on appreciation of your partner for what they have offered to you, and for what they continue to bring to the table.

I want you to give whatever it is that you can offer to your partner (compassion, support, romance, friendship) without the expectation of receiving something in return.

I want for you and your spouse to understand that the depth of love found between a married couple is only created and maintained when both partners are continuously working towards constant enjoyment of each other's presence, during both the ups and the downs.

And, oh yeah, I want for you to never give up. Never, never, never

Our ninth wedding anniversary seems to be a fitting time to state to my husband some new, updated vows that are more aligned with our current stage of marriage, so here they are:

To my husband -

I vow to never give up on us, no matter how challenging things become.

I vow to never stop finding you attractive.

I vow to always remember why we fell in love.

I vow to forever be grateful to you for making me a mother.

I vow to always admire the father that you are to our children.

I vow to try to depend on you less for my day-to-day happiness, as that is an unfair weight to ask you to bear, day in and day out.

I vow to try to be more carefree and open-minded, like the girl you fell in love with.

I vow to try harder to make our relationship a priority.

I vow to take more time for myself when I need it, instead of blaming you for my lack of it.

I vow to work on finding balance, and to not let my struggle for finding it overcome me.

I vow to say "yes" more when we are offered opportunities to leave the children and have more date nights.

Do you know what I vow now more than ever before? I vow to always be willing to make adjustments to these vows, and adhere to them, as our relationship will require it.

Marriages and relationships are not simple and are not certain

Conversely, they are extremely complicated; the needs of both partners and the relationship as a whole is constantly changing. We have to change with it. We have to use the drifts.

So, the nine-year itch? Yep, I've got it. But I am not itching for a way out. Nope. Not at all. What am I itching for? I am itching to maintain the often hilarious, consistently messy, but undoubtedly beautiful and blessed life and family that we have created.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Nicole Merritt's website. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Feel like you are drifting apart in your marriage? Here’s what you need to do appeared first on FamilyToday.

Being a woman in today's world is more challenging than ever. So is raising a woman. And, when that woman starts out as your little girl, it is imperative that you instill in her the strength and knowledge to be self-sufficient.

You may have heard about the 10-year-old girl who was bit by an alligator, but had the wits about her to recall a visit that she took to a Gatorland in Florida, where she learned what to do during an alligator bite. That little girl stuck her fingers in the nostrils of the gator who released his grip on her leg and let her go. This girl has recovered from the incident and she is the perfect example of a young girl being self-sufficient.

Here are 10 life skills that are of the utmost importance if you want to raise your daughter to be self-dependent.

1. Teach her how to make her own honest money

Your daughter needs to know and believe that she is intelligent enough to make her own money and to not depend on any partner to do that for her. She needs to understand the importance of making her own money and how to make it in an honest way. You need to teach her about saving, spending and about how to sustain the life she wants on the money she earns.

2. Teach her how to change a tire and understand the mechanics of her car

Your daughter should know how to change their own tire. Getting stuck on the side of a road is almost inevitable; it will likely happen to everyone at some point. Although AAA is super nice to have and a convenient way to get aid with car trouble, you want your daughter to be capable of changing that tire, in a pinch, if ever one arises. Instruct her on the basic mechanics of her car as well, as it is more than likely she will typically be haggled with at any visit to a car repair shop.

3. Teach her that inner beauty is way more important than outer beauty

With so many reality shows setting horrible standards for how women should look, act and behave, you need to be the voice of reason and truth. Make sure that your daughter understands the importance of a good heart, a steady moral compass and an unwavering set of values. It is so easy for girls to lose their self-worth to these unrealistic depictions of women including, but not limited to, the models and actresses they see in magazines and on TV.

4. Teach her how to defend herself

You need and want your daughter to be able to defend herself from any person looking to physical hurt her. Teach her the basics of self-defense and then enroll her in a class for further training. Additionally, as the story above makes apparent, you also need to teach her the tactics she needs to defend herself against animals (bears, alligators, sharks, wolves, etc.)

5. Teach her how to engage in banter

Being able to banter back and forth with other people is an important part of social interaction inside and outside of the workplace. It is important for your daughter to know how and when to sound intelligent, how and when to bicker respectfully and how and when to use sarcasm and humor. If you raise your daughter to be intelligent and respectful, but also how to communicate socially with others, she will be able to hold her own in any conversation and social situation.

6. Teach her about discrimination

There is a strong chance that in her lifetime, she will be discriminated against; be it for being a woman or for the color of her skin or for the type of career path she has chosen. Tell your daughter what discrimination is and provide examples. Additionally, you should role play with her to teach her how to deal with discrimination. Educate her on her options for fighting discrimination, if/when she encounters it.

7. Teach her how to say "No."

This is so very important for a myriad of reasons. Your daughter needs to know how to say "no" to any unwanted sexual advances. She should also be encouraged to proactively say "no" when she does not want to do something. Saying "no" is something that is very hard for a lot of women, as it leads us to experiencing guilty feelings. Teach your daughter that she should feel no guilt when saying "no" and that saying "no" is actually an important part of figuring out herself and what she wants/does not want out of life and from different people. Make sure your daughter also feels comfortable saying "no" to conversations and behavior that go against her values.

8. Teach her what real love should be like

You can imagine how important this one is. And you know the best way to show you what real love is like? By example. Your daughter will learn so much about relationships from watching you. Emphasize for her what real love is not - real love is not possessive and it is not threatening or overbearing.

9. Teach her how to think for herself

When our daughters are younger, we involuntarily, or sometimes voluntarily, encourage them to think like us. We try to push our opinions on to them with regard to small issues (i.e. what clothes to wear, how to wear their hair, who their friends are) and with bigger issues (what to study in school, who to vote for, etc). This is not what we should be doing. Although we can be their guide, we need and want our children to have their own mindset, opinion and perspective on things. We have to encourage our daughters to think independently and to voice those thoughts. Always be your daughter's safe space - where she can have the freedom and comfort to share her thoughts, out loud and without judgment or ridicule.

10. Teach her that you will always be there for her

Of utmost importance to your daughter - whether she knows it right now or not - is that she believes that you, her parent(s) will unconditionally be by her side, on her side and there to help and support her, in anyway, when she cannot find the self-sufficiency to get by on her own.

It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings." - Ann Landers

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Nicole Merritt's website. It has been republished here with permission.

The post How to raise a self-sufficient daughter appeared first on FamilyToday.

Your marriage isn't a La-Z-Boy recliner, OK? You can't just expect to sit back in it and relax. If you do it will surely break on you, and a furniture repair shop won't be able to do anything about your pending separation or divorce.

Far too often couples become complacent in their union; sometimes it's both partners and sometimes it's just one. Regardless of who's complicit, it is terrible for the growth and maintenance of your relationship.

There are some who believe that you should marry someone you are comfortable with and that a sign of a good marriage is how comfortable a couple is together - but, this is wrong. Well, in a sense at least.

Of course, you want to feel like you can be yourself around your partner. Of course, you want to feel comfortable being the real you - acne, quirks, flaws and all. Of course, you want to be with someone you are comfortable communicating with. Of course, you want to be with someone you are comfortable being intimate with. Yet, my strong opinion is that, in all truth, you have to be a bit uncomfortable too - at least if you want your relationship and romance to endure.

Comfortable is easy, right? But, is it always fun? Nope - I don't think so. Comfortable doesn't require much work. But, no work equals no real reward. Comfortable is convenient. But, it is generally not exciting - not in the least.

Listen, I know that some of you will not agree with me on this, but I've got to attest that I wholeheartedly believe treating your spouse and your marriage like a La-Z-Boy recliner doesn't bode well for the state of your relationship.

Here is what getting too comfortable will do

It will make you lazy.

Lazy when it comes to physical affection, as well as verbal adoration toward your partner.

It will make you bored.

Comfortable can be nice, but it can bore you to pieces.

It will drive you apart.

People are naturally drawn to other people who excite them. Nobody is getting excited when everything is seemingly pleasant and serene, or just plain redundant all the time.

It will breed resentment.

If you are overly comfortable with your partner then you won't be trying to flirt with them, which in turn may make your spouse question your desire and commitment to them.

So, what do you do instead?

You communicate.

Yep, you talk too much to one another. You talk even when you don't feel like talking, and you talk even when you are not getting along. You talk so that you can hash out your problems and brainstorm some solutions.

You touch.

Like really touch - kisses that are more than pecks and hugs that wrap around and give a booty pinch instead of just a tap-tap on the back.

You aim to impress.

You don't have to be fake or go overboard, but treat your spouse like you did when you were courting them.

You vocalize your appreciation for them.

Outwardly express your gratefulness for them both to them and to yourself. Sometimes we need to remind our partners how much we care for and need them, and sometimes we have to remind ourselves just how much we care for and need them.

What else do you do?

You get out of that darn La-Z-Boy recliner and you treat your marriage and your spouse more like that rare antique you're enamored with.

Falling in love is easy. Getting married isn't that hard. But, staying married and staying happy, that's a fete for all. Focus on your level of comfort and you will be disappointed, but focus on your gratefulness for a shot at really amazing love and you'll surely be helping it last.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Nicole Merritt's website. It has been republished here with permission.

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