I became interested in what makes for a good mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship shortly after I got married. Being a sociology professor, I decided to investigate the relationship and see how other families handled the situation. I interviewed over 200 mothers-in-law, daughters-in-law, sons and fathers-in-law. Here is the advice they gave:

Advice for daughters-in-law:

1. Remember that your mother-in-law is always going to be your husband's mother.

It may be frustrating sometimes to see the way that your mother-in-law is offering your husband unsolicited advice or treating him as being younger than he is. Remember, though, that she is still his mother and that she always will be. It is hard to automatically turn off being a mother. There may be many things that she would like to do that she does not, and you don't even know about them. You will be better able to handle the situation when you put her behavior into this context.

2. Include your mother-in-law whenever you can.

In-laws often feel that they are on the outside of their children's lives looking into them - especially the mothers of sons. Your mother-in-law will feel more secure with your place in her son's life if you can include her wherever possible. She will appreciate your willingness to involve her and be more likely to reach out to you if you include her in your family as well.

3. Give your mother-in-law some time alone with your husband.

Your husband's time may be scarce and you would like it for yourself and your children. Chances are, though, that you still get more of his time than his mother does, as it should be. Try to share when you can. Giving your mother-in-law some time alone with her son may be one of the best gifts she ever received.

Advice for mothers-In-law:

1. Stand back and let your son have his own family.

The thing that your daughter-in-law wants more than anything is the opportunity to have her own family. She cannot do that if you keep your son tightly attached to you. Give them the space to have their own family. Let them establish their own holiday traditions, raise their children the way that they see fit, and manage their own decisions. You will find that your son will be more likely to come around under these conditions, and that you will gain a daughter as well.

2. Let your daughter - in-law make her own mistakes.

So she makes some mistakes. You probably did when you were first married, too. She will learn though, and she will love you all the more if you do not point them out to her.

3. Respect the fact that your daughter-in-law is the mother of your grandchildren.

It may be more than tempting to say something when you believe what is best for your own grandchildren is at stake because you do not agree with your daughter-in-law's actions. But respect the fact that she is their mother, and she is the one who is responsible for them. You may have to leave the room sometimes in order to keep your thoughts to yourself, but it is usually for the best in the long run.

Advice for sons:

1. You may need to step in when your wife and mother are at odds

No one wants to get involved in someone else's conflict, but your wife needs your support. If your mother and wife are not getting along, you will need to step in and say something to one or both of them. Your mother will listen to you more than she will listen to your wife. Help your wife in making the transition to being a part of your family.

Advice for fathers-in-law:

1. Support your wife in her effort to let go of your son.

You may occasionally need to remind your wife of her need to let your son be independent. That is your responsibility to your wife and to your son as he becomes a man and marries. Be there for both of them, and welcome your daughter-in-law into the family while you are at it. You will find that you gain a daughter in the process.

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My husband has always been my best friend. However, things began to grow a bit stale after 27 years of marriage. I wanted to make what remained of our life together as vibrant as possible. I knew that I was a "good wife," but I wanted to be more than that. I wanted to be a super mate. So last fall I set out on a path to turn my so-so marriage into a super marriage. Here are a few of the secrets to getting there:

1. Put your mate first

Putting my husband first in my life was the most necessary part of the process. I learned that if I tried to please him, he would respond by doing the same for me. My friends started asking me, "Why are you so happy?" By putting my husband first, I have made him happy and he in return has made me happy. Happiness comes from loved ones, rather than being the result of our own doing. As a spouse, you are in the unique position to make your mate's life joyous. It gives me immense pleasure to see the delight on my husband's face when I do something for him.

2. Frequent sex

It is true that frequent sex leads to a happier marriage. Whether it is the result of skin-on-skin contact, being vulnerable, or the "bonding hormone" oxytocin that gets released during sex, frequent sexual activity will join your lives together into one whole. Even if you do not have time for extended love making, there is always time for a passing kiss and the promise of more to come.

3. Put away the score card

Building an ideal or super marriage requires one hundred percent commitment from each person. If you are bickering over whose turn it is to walk the dog or take the kids to soccer, neither of you will give anything to your marriage. Do what you can when you can, and your spouse will do the same. We all want to be a good partner, not a shirker. Don't wait for the other person to do his or her share before you give. There are ebbs and flows to your marriage, and over time you will each give equally.

4. Get rid of your "to do" list

Well, at least don't obsess over your list. Time together is more important than getting things done around the house. Your spouse will know how much you love him or her when you prioritize time together.

5. Utilize your maturity

Remember that this is your second chance at a vibrant and fulfilling marriage. Don't neglect that opportunity. It may not come around again. Take advantage of the security and resources that come with maturity. Your children are more independent. Your career is more established. Now you can concentrate on your marriage and the person with whom you chose to spend your life. Enjoy the riches called middle age.

Read:10 ways you are being unfaithful to your spouse - and you don't even know it

The post 5 secrets for turning a so-so marriage into a super marriage appeared first on FamilyToday.

Each year millions of women in their late 40s and early 50s experience the dreaded time in life that we euphemistically refer to as "the change," including peri-menopause (or pre-menopause) and menopause. For many of us, peri-menopause comes out of left field, stealing any and all prior sense of stability and normalcy and leaving a wake of escalating and plummeting hormones that send us spiraling out of control. At 52 years of age, I was astounded when a nurse practitioner diagnosed my depression as being due to peri-menopause. In the last eight months since that diagnosis, I have at times been someone that neither I nor my husband recognize. I offer the following advice for other women based on my experience.

1. Be open to a new you. While the term "change of life" refers to the process of going from fertile to infertile, be prepared for peri-menopause to result in a whole new you: new characteristics, interests and priorities. For much of my life, I have been relatively shy and introverted. Now at 52, I find myself outgoing. My social calendar has gone from being spotty to being packed with activities with friends and colleagues. I joined not one, but two churches and a Bible study group after years of questioning my earlier faith. After a lifetime of being a committed bookworm, I signed up at a gym and acquired three tattoos and a belly ring. My mother was speechless.

2. Nurture social support. Escalating and plummeting hormones and the subsequent loss of estrogen may leave you with extreme emotions. You will need the support of your friends and, most importantly, your spouse, whose life will also be significantly affected by your highs and lows. My husband and I had been married for 27 years when peri-menopause started for me. Since then I have invested 100 percent of myself into my marriage and found my husband doing the same in response. As a result, our marriage has vastly improved and been rejuvenated. It is our second chance for a fulfilling and vibrant marriage.

3. Have faith in the future. Remember during those low times that the change of life is only temporary and you won't always feel so out-of-control. Talk to older friends and family members to gain a wider perspective and reassurance that you are not in this alone.

4. Seek professional assistance. Professionals are available to help you, whether you are dealing with hot flashes, depression or insomnia. Start with your primary care provider and work from there to alleviate your unique combination of symptoms.

5. Be good to yourself. Peri-menopause and menopause often accompany other life changes that make them easier to contend with: a new marriage, seniority in the workplace, children leaving home and a greater sense of self-confidence.

Luxuriate in all that comes with this new season of life. Take care of your needs, get enough exercise, eat a well-balanced diet, and always remember to be good to yourself.

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