Until I had a child, I had no idea how many versions of motherhood existed in the world. There are options for everything - from baby food to diapers to schools. And though I'm the oldest of six children with years of babysitting under my belt, I came into marriage with some bewilderment concerning what our future children would require of me.

Our culture is fiercely divided along the black and white lines of the mommy wars: cloth diapers versus disposable, homeschool versus public, attachment parenting versus BabyWise - the list goes on forever. If you're a single woman, some of those terms sound foreign or even absurd. I know they did to me! Unfortunately a lack of exposure to young motherhood, coupled with the negativity of secular culture, has persuaded many young women to believe things about mommyhood that simply aren't true - or don't have to be true for everyone. Here are five things about motherhood I was relieved to find false when I became a mom.

1. You will never shower or sleep again

I think seasoned parents find it entertaining to rattle new ones with this little adage. Isn't the daily shower like, a basic human right? But here is the hopeful reality: showers and sleep will still happen - they will simply look different for a season. The first few weeks your baby is home she will be eating every two hours, whether nursing or by bottle. It will be tough, but that stage will pass, and you will sleep through the night once again! I started sleep training Adeline at four weeks, and by twelve weeks I was getting a good 7-8 hour night's sleep. She regresses now and then (and will continue to), but I still get plenty of z's - and so will you. It's just a matter of time.

If you're anything like me when you're strapped for sleep, a morning shower is necessary. The blogs I read as a single made motherhood and showering sound mutually exclusive. I set out to test that theory. Much to my happiness, showering is possible - you just have to be creative.

During Adeline's first nap of the day I squeeze in my beauty routine, and if she isn't taking her normal nap that day, she sits in her bouncy and watches. I recently timed it: 22 minutes to shower, dress, put on my makeup and do my hair. I've tweaked the routine several times to make it happen (and will continue to tweak it as we have more kids) and you'll find what works for you. But don't believe the myth that you're destined for a continuous existence of grunge and sleep deprivation. Everything has a season, and creativity goes a long way.

2. Sex will be awful and you won't want it, which is a good thing, because you don't have time for it anyway.

When I was pregnant, I think Google might have flagged me for all the searches I did about post-partum sex. Nobody talks about it, and only a few friends who went before me were kind enough to share the details. Since I'm not shy about this topic, I'll spare you the fear I experienced: it isn't that bad. Not only that, but I found many women who were excited to have "normal" (read: not hugely pregnant) sex with their husbands again. And I'm sure their husbands were just as thrilled after the six to eight week recovery time!

While every woman is different (and delivery will have an effect on this), post-partum sex is not awful. I have found it to be better than it was before! And since we're on the bust-a-myth train, Josh and I do have time for it. We make time for it, even scheduling it into our calendar. The great thing about making time for intimacy is that it improves the overall quality of your marriage, which is extremely important when a baby arrives. It's easy to lose ourselves in the role of "mother" at the expense of our roles as wives and partners to our husbands.

Romance is something we have to fight for and be intentional about in this new stage of life. There are times I might not be completely in the mood, but in those moments I abide by one of my guiding principles: "Act how you want to feel." I've found that responding romantically makes me want intimacy more - and it's always worthwhile!

3. You will wear nothing but workout clothes

Tim Hawkins made them famous. They made me famous. I'm talking about yoga pants: the universal uniform of "mom.'

Frankly, stretchy pants and maxi dresses are a lifesaver when you're bending, sitting, nursing, and otherwise serving a needy babe. I often wear leggings (when I'm at home), and they were great in the first few weeks when I was in recovery, breastfeeding at what felt like every hour of the night and day.

However, motherhood doesn't mean your bubble necklaces and J. Crew shirts are relegated to the back of the closet forever. Though working moms are back in business casual after maternity leave, those of us who stay and/or work at home have to be a little more intentional. When I set out my clothes (as part of my evening routine), I take a cue from my career days: dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

I have the job I want - Assistant Director of Home Management - and I want to show that I appreciate it. For me that means jeans, a cute shirt, and some jewelry, or sometimes a dress and some layers. Getting dressed and looking nice helps me face the day with intention, even if I'm not leaving the house.

4. Your body will be ruined

There is so much negativity surrounding postpartum bodies. No matter how many times we stress the beauty of them, cultural expectations alter our acceptance of that fact. It breaks my heart that women might put off having children to preserve a body that is nothing more than a cultural icon of female sexuality.

Babies don't ruin bodies. But they change them.

Bringing a baby into this world is no small feat. It takes an incredible toll on our bodies during and after pregnancy. But it is completely possible to return to a healthy weight and state. It took nine months to put on the weight; give yourself nine months (or more!) to get it off.

I gained 45 pounds during my pregnancy. In my ninth month I finally got my stretch marks - worse than I ever expected! My body was changed forever, but it wasn't "ruined." After all - what is "ruined"? Ruined for what, a bikini? Our bodies' value is not determined by how good we look with our clothes off. To be ruined, my body would need to lose its value to my baby, my husband, and God, which has not happened. Instead, my body gave life to a child, gives nourishment to her daily, and is scarred with reminders of the sacrifices made to carry her. My husband thinks that is beautiful - and so does God. Birth made my body increase in value, and it will do the same for yours.

5. You will be a bad mom

We all enter motherhood with our own sets of fears and matching baggage. Whether we had great moms or less-than-great moms, we take those experiences into our own parenthood and worry whether we will "mess up" our kids.

God gives grace for these fears. God is present with us in parenthood as the greatest Parent of all time, and the only perfect example. If we follow God's principles for life, we won't be "bad parents." We will be human parents guided by a perfect Lord, and that's the best we can offer.

Every woman will mother based on her priorities for her family. My own priorities - my relationship with God and husband, time with my family, an organized home and a healthy, fit lifestyle - inspire me to implement the necessary routines to bust these myths and live a life of peace and joy. I have found so much purpose by creatively making time for the things that matter to me - no matter how impossible I was told they'd be!

Too many single women get discouraged about motherhood before they even arrive there. Motherhood does not destroy your identity, nor does it take away from the life you lived as a single. Motherhood enriches your days, filling them with as many smiles and giggles as new tasks and responsibilities. Creatively implementing routines and cultivating flexibility now is the best way to prepare for motherhood, and even then, you can never be completely prepared! You'll know what to do when you get there. I promise.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Phylicia Delta. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

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I first heard about the Psalm 112 man in a theology class at my alma mater. Our campus pastor at the time opened his Bible on the podium and boomed through the lecture hall: "You young ladies will want to listen up to this, because this passage outlines what you need to look for in a man." I listened up - and never forgot it.

Psalm 112 outlines the traits of a righteous person. Equally applicable to men and to women, the psalm describes how a godly person lives out his or her life practically, giving us some real principles to work with beyond the sometimes-abstract character of righteousness and godly behavior.

Unfortunately, many young women are told to simply "date a Christian" with no elaboration on what that looks like or means. As I sat in that lecture hall listening to Pastor Carson, I looked out at hundreds of young, probably-Christian men. The options seemed endless. But not all Christian men are living out their faith with the dedication necessary to lead a home and family. Any guy can call himself a Christian. Not every man can live it out.

This is why I love Psalm 112. This passage gives biblical guidelines for evaluating the men a young woman might date - guidelines that demand more than a verbal testimony while revealing that every man will "spiritually lead" according to the will and work of God in his individual life. So below, let's explore some of the qualities to look for in a Psalm 112 man.

1. He reveres God and delights in His Word (v. 1)

The Psalm 112 man has a healthy recognition of God's greatness; a recognition that cultivates humility of heart.

God's greatness, in contrast to our weakness, and His holiness in contrast to our sin produces an appreciation for His grace. This is the most fundamental element of a strong walk with God. The man who sees himself as "pretty good" will never appreciate all God has done for him, and this lack of gratitude will quickly show in his behavior - which leads to his delight (or lack thereof) in the Word of God.

A man who loves God and is grateful for His grace will appreciate the guidance of God's Word. But the man (or woman, really) who sees God as the cosmic fun police will not seek out or enjoy God's Word. To him, the Bible is just another means of limiting his "Christian freedom." A godly man puts his allegiance to Christ above the privilege of freedom, an action that leads to consistently righteous behavior.

2. He is relationally, financially, and spiritually wise (v. 2-3)

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" (Prov. 1:7) is proven in this psalm. A righteous man is wise because he fears God. Because God is first in his life, every other decision is made in light of that priority. He will love his wife the way Christ loves the church; he will handle his money as a gift from the Lord; and he will disciple his family in the truth that saved him.

Wisdom is "knowledge applied." There are a lot of Christian guys who know the verses, the words, and the songs, but they don't know how to apply those "church facts" to daily life. Their faith is surface deep; a little more than fire insurance and a lot less than transformation.

A wise man might actually be the "boring" man. Many of the wise men I've met aren't leading Bible studies and eagerly reaching for microphones - they are quietly working in business, engineering, or entrepreneurship, winning those around them with their faithfulness, dedication, and love for God. Sometimes the wisest of men are the quietest of leaders.

3. He is gracious, compassionate, and righteous (v. 4)

This verse is self-explanatory and unsurprising. If a man is walking closely with God, delighting in His Word, and living in wisdom, the traits of grace, compassion, and righteousness will come naturally to him. They are fruits of the Spirit (Gal. 6) that lives in his heart.

What is more obvious (and easier to point out) is the opposing behavior: a man who is entitled, hardened, or hedonistic. Graciousness flows from a heart that knows grace. Those who have experienced grace have an easier time giving it; but those who think they don't need God's grace will be consequently far less compassionate on those around them. The man who lives with a hardened, entitled heart will make choices based on what suits him first.

4. He is generous and steadfast (v. 5-6)

I should probably start by discussing what it means to be "steadfast", because this trait leads to generosity. To be steadfast is to "hold firm," to be immovable. God is steadfast in His love for us. Steadfast in verb form could be written as "to stand fast." It means you don't budge from your position.

The man who is steadfast in faith knows that God will provide for him. Because of this faith, he is able to be generous. This kind of man isn't miserly and penny pinching (though he is financially wise, as previously discussed). To the measure God has blessed him, he also gives.

5. He has faith in God's will and timing (v. 7)

Closely tied to the previous point is this man's faith. He has no fear of bad news. His heart is immovably entrusted to the Lord God, where he can rest in the security that only comes from Him.

This is important for single girls to note. A godly man may be very slow to pursue a woman he admires because he will not rush God's timing. I have known many godly young men to take months praying over whether or not to pursue a certain woman - for reasons such as God's timing, the state of their own heart, or a desire to protect the heart of the girl. Godly men don't jump into relationships for the sake of having a relationship. This being the case, they will take longer than your run-of-the-mill desperate Joe before deciding how and when to pursue. So be patient.

6. He is bold (v. 8)

Because the Psalm 112 man is secure in God's provision, will and timing, he is bold in his words and actions! He is not afraid to speak up for what he believes when the opportunity comes. He is not afraid to be a witness to those in his path.

Here is where many young women are misled by the stereotypical "spiritual leader." Just because a guy is great with words, prays beautiful prayers, and holds a microphone does not mean he is automatically a "spiritual leader." The loudest man in the room - or the most visible - is not always the best leader present. He may be a great leader, but he is likely surrounded by many other men who equal him in leadership skills, though not in visibility.

7. He is conscious of the needs of others (v. 9)

The verse actually says "he freely gives to the poor," which we discussed when we talked about his generosity. But generosity comes from a heart that recognizes a need. The Psalm 112 man may be bold and strong, but he is also loving and kind. This can be a difficult balance for men to strike and remember - no man will do this perfectly. Your only choice of a mate is a sinner saved by grace.

But it is this grace that will color his vision of the world and help him see people through eyes of compassion. The combination of strength and grace in the heart of a man is the truest reflection of his dedication to Jesus, because Jesus was the "Shepherd King." Jesus never compromised the truth, but welcomed the weak and needy into his arms.

How a man responds to the needs of others (not you) while dating is a telltale sign of how he will one day respond to your needs as his wife. We all put "best face forward" in relationships. Someday that façade will fall away and his true character will be revealed - a character you can probably glimpse in his conversations with other guys, how he speaks to your friends, and how well he respects your elderly family and members of the church.

8. He will be hated for his righteousness, but his legacy will last (v. 9-10)

Perhaps surprisingly, the Psalm 112 is not liked by everyone who knows him. In fact, there is a large faction of folks who resent his righteousness and success. They feel threatened by his marriage, his family, and his dedication to God. Because the gospel offends the world and the Psalm 112 man is dedicated to the gospel, he will be persecuted for what he believes.

Godly men aren't always as "cool" as some of the guys in the church. They might not have all the physical qualities Hollywood sets as the standard. But in the end, the man who worked and loved and fought for his God and his family will win and his legacy will last - and the guy with the great hair and cool car and shallow faith will be remembered only for those few things he possessed in, rather than contributed to, his world.

With which man would you want to build a future?

To which man would you entrust your heart, your home, and your children?

You won't find all these qualities out in one date. You might go out with four or five guys before you meet one whose heart is wholly God's (which is perfectly acceptable when you are asking yourself, "How holy can I be?" in your dating relationships). And remember that no relationship is wasted if you lived it out in a way that honored God - even if it didn't end in marriage. You still learned, and you are still learning.

But let these principles, given in God's word, be your guide as you look for God's man. And to the measure you use for a potential spouse, remember - he'll be using the same measure for you. So spend your time becoming the kind of Psalm 112 woman who can partner with a Psalm 112 man - and that will be marriage leaving the world with no doubt they have seen a glimpse of the glory of God.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Phylicia Delta. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

The post 8 ways to choose the perfect guy appeared first on FamilyToday.

In five years it won't matter if he was cute.

It won't matter if he was well-dressed, if he said all the right words, if he was funny or trendy or cool.

The pictures won't matter. The "likes," the status, the #relationshipgoals achieved - they'll just be ripples on the surface of a newfound depth.

There is so much relationship advice out there and I'm just one voice among millions, but if I could tell you one thing, dear girl, it's this:

Marry the man who stays.

Anybody can tell you you're pretty in yoga pants and a messy bun. You need the rarer kind; the kind who sticks through the messy of your soul.

He's often overlooked, this man. You won't find a microphone in his hand or a stage beneath his feet. He may not lead the Bible study or share profound insights into the Word. Instead, his hands do the work unnoticed, and he stands quietly in the background. He leads by serving. But he lives profoundly.

If you move too fast you might miss him. If you're captivated by the spotlight you won't see him in the shadows. If you're looking for a "type" you might never notice he is there.

But he is.

We're trained to look for the movers and shakers, the leaders and the loud. We think spiritual leadership means holding the microphone - but it's more about holding the fort. The man who stands on principle isn't en route to anywhere else; he's neither moving nor shaking. He simply stays.

We think of faithfulness as something practiced once we're married, but it doesn't just happen when the rings slip on our hands. It's a discipline of the heart that begins early. It's the choice to stick with it when things get tough, when you're overlooked, when your work is ignored and you're left standing there. It's choosing to stay when you have every reason to leave.

The man who stays faithful when no one is looking - in his job, in his ministry, in his life - is the man who stays with you when marriage gets hard. This man doesn't run from a fight, not so he can win it - but so he can win back your trust. He stays to the end because he values a happy ending. His glory isn't in applause and popularity but in the quiet assurance of his faithful love.

He's the man who chooses love when love means being patient and kind - when you deserve neither patience nor kindness.

He loves because Christ first loved him.

Paul warned against being "unequally yoked with unbelievers," an admonition many Christian girls question in the throes of attraction. But if there ever was reason to follow Paul's command, it is in the necessity of faithfulness. Many a man can say he loves you. Many can win and woo with words. And even more can persuade you that faith is of little consequence; that love can make up the difference.

But love and faith are one and the same. They cannot exist apart from one another.

Your faithful love, O Lord, extends to the heavens. (Psalm 36:5)

Staying love isn't built on emotion. Sometimes it simply exists. But deep beneath its quiet existence burns an unquenchable fire fueled by faithfulness. As we choose love in unlovely moments the fire burns brighter and hotter. The heat of it warms the heart that could otherwise grow cold. Lasting love is built on the staying power of faithfulness.

It seems too simple, choosing to stay. It looks easy, but it's so incredibly hard. Faithfulness is the very essence of God Himself, who strives with the sinner and stays with the broken even when it hurts. Even when it costs Him everything.

Don't look for a man to "spiritually lead" you; you need a man spiritually led by God, whose faithfulness is the foundation of every true love. The man led by God is led by God's love. God's love is unfailing. God's love is steadfast. God's love stays.

So marry the man whose love is like God's: faithful, eternal, and steadfast. This kind of love sticks through the hardest moments and buoys you through every storm. It's a slow love, mundane in its dailyness. But it's the kind of love you wake up to every morning because you can trust that it will still be there.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Phylicia Delta. It has been republished here with permission.

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They warned me before I got here.

"Babies ruin bodies."

"Enjoy this now - you'll never see it again after kids!"

"You'll never be the same."

I guess they were right. I am ruined. I don't see it. I'm not the same.

It is my new reality. It is the body I see in the mirror each morning, much unlike the one I knew before.

And I am grateful.

A baby ruined my body. She ruined me for ordinary, for status quo, for shallow. She ruined me for who I was before.

There are changes I never expected, tiger stripes in places I didn't know could stretch, hairs and darkened things and love handles and jeans that don't fit the same as before.

Yet I am grateful for my post-baby body; grateful that it taught me there is more to life than what I once knew. I have realized that my body is meant to do, not just to be; that I am more than a gym membership and a calorie app; that true strength is knowing what you can do and who you are, not how far you can run or what you can lift.

Because let's be real: After six months pregnant, I couldn't run anymore. At nine months pregnant I could barely lift myself, much less finish my old weight routine. And in that moment I had to accept that my self-perception could no longer be qualified by my fitness level or my appearance. Pregnancy changed me from the inside out - to a woman whose confidence comes from within.

I guess I am ruined: ruined for insecurity, taught to be secure.

I've learned to accept love when I feel unlovable; to believe my husband when he says, "You're beautiful." This body teaches me to thank God for every mark - because our bodies are marked as our souls are stretched, expanded to love in ways we never knew we were capable of loving. I've been taken deeper than the surface, to a place of security I never knew before.

I have been changed, taken over by a mission outside myself. I have been a vessel of life sustaining growth, my body the soil, my baby the seed. Without me she could not grow. Within me she thrived.

I have felt every contraction of labor, and this body carried me through to the end, working hard according to its design. I fought with this body to bring a baby earthside. It worked hard for me. It was designed for me. And I am grateful.

So yes, a baby ruined my body. I won't see the old one again, and that's okay - because the one I have tells a story. Each morning, each mark, reminds me that I birthed a living soul. That without this stretched and scarred abdomen her smiles would not exist. Without the changes I so desperately tried to avoid I would have avoided life.

I guess they were right. I'm not the same.

But I wouldn't want to be.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Phylicia Delta. It has been republished here with permission.

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I watched you the other day, your white dress feathered across the fallen leaves. You had a bouquet in your hands and brightness in your eyes. You probably saw me walk by - I was the woman with the stroller, jogging up and down the path past the spot your photographer had you posed. I couldn't help but watch you.

I watched the photographer fix your dress, the tulle spread like dew on the grass. The orange leaves licked like fire around the fringes and you smiled, clear with newness and joy. And he looked at you the way I did, but in a deeper way because he knows you, and what he knows ... he loves.

I feel old talking like this. I haven't been married twenty years. I can't even give you the advice of ten years' experience. Only two years ago I stood where you stand, in a white dress, all newness and joy. So I can't dispense sage advice or speak to the trials of time, but I can tell you this: don't let it go.

They tell you the rose-colored glasses come off. And the newness you feel now - that excitement of standing on the brink - it will unfold into the new-old of day to day, still novel, yet normal. Don't let it go. Don't let go of the newness when the days age, and they will. Normal can swiftly become mundane for those who lose their grasp on the adventure of it all.

The excitement of ordinary days is not something that occurs on its own, like a force of nature. It is instead the force of intentionality, brought about by the force of a human nature, the person who chooses to elevate the ordinary out of the mundane. When your registry items are shelved and making dinner for two is less cute and more inconvenient, remember this day in the city park. Remember how he looked at you and how you felt. Remember that this is what you hoped for, and don't let it go.

The newlywed days are quickly consumed with careers and trips, family and friends, vacations and dates and dogs and, if you're like me, positive pregnancy tests. You have less time than you think, and the moments pass quickly. But even the ordinary moments become something more when you hold it tightly to your heart and see that this ... THIS was your wedding day dream.

It won't always be glamorous. You'll have suds on your elbows and a morning commute. He'll come home grumpy and some days you'll fight. The days will be long, but the years - oh so short. There will come another fall where you'll see the flaming orange and red and wonder how time fell so fast, the days spinning like autumn leaves, mounding up in colorful piles before fading into the past.

You'll get used to the day to day: the way he makes coffee before you get up, the notes he leaves on the refrigerator, how he opens your car door and the pickle jars. You'll even get used to his quirks, though they might never cease to bother you - how he can never find the hamper, how he forgets to take out the trash, or how the bathroom light is left on. It will become normal, but it never needs to be mundane.

You'll get used to it all, but don't let it go. Hold it in your heart, hold him in your arms, and hold the memory in your mind. The dreams you had as you stood under that tree in city park, with all the brightness of fall around you and the brightness of love in your heart - those dreams are today. They are now. Marriage is not made of the highlights - little peaks of escapism from the honeymoon to your next cruise. The real joy of marriage is in the umpteenth load of dishes and washing pans while he folds the laundry, because he hates dishes and you hate to fold. It's the prayers you pray. It's the search for a new job. It's slow build of trust, the growth of love, that gives height to an even deeper joy than you feel right now.

Don't let it go

You'll get used to this new life you're entering, even in only two years. But don't be afraid if it becomes ordinary. Ordinary is what it's supposed to be. It's the ordinary days that can contain all the magic of this moment in your wedding dress, if we stop to see the romance of it. Because while this is romantic - the way his arm is around you, the way he's lifting you up against the backdrop of fall - there is romance in the kiss by the kitchen sink. There is a vow in the steadiness of daily love.

Too often, we let it slip away, stolen by impatience and discontent. But you don't have to live that way. Just as you'll hold on to this moment in the park, captured in gleaming color and hung on the wall of your first apartment, you can capture the first moments of your marriage and keep them. You can memorialize the novelty in the normal, making special what too many fail to see.

You might get used to this new life, but you can always appreciate its newness.

The first year of marriage is rose-colored, yes. But I don't think it's because of the glasses. I think every year of marriage has that hue, but some people start to go color-blind, worn down by the ordinary and the mundane, or sometimes by pain and difficulty. But the rosiness isn't in those perfect moments, strung together in a seamless life - the roses grow along those narrow paths just wide enough for two, so narrow you might get pricked by their thorns. But don't let the pain or the path steal the joy you feel now. Embrace each moment, no matter how ordinary. Hold onto his hand, hold onto these moments - and don't let them go.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Phylicia Delta. It has been republished here with permission.

The post To the bride in city park appeared first on FamilyToday.