Play dates. Love them or hate them, they are a great way to get your child to socialize with their friends. Now that my two oldest are in elementary school, they are starting to invite friends over to the house. Sometimes we know the parents, but there have been times where we have set up "blind dates" for the boys. ("Blind date": The kids are friends in school, but we don't know the parents very well.) Before a play date I have a quick list of questions I ask, every single time - as if my child's life depended on it! (Because it does!)

I urge every mom out there to kindly, gently and openly share as much information as she can either before the playdate or at drop off. Below is the list of hot button topics that I always address upfront, so the other kid's mom doesn't have to tip-toe around the subject. I love full disclosure. We have nothing to hide and I want to reassure a fellow mom that her child will be treated with love and respect in a safe environment.

The 10 questions I ask before hosting a play date - without being asked

1. Are there any guns, knives, weapons or alcohol in the house?

This is ALWAYS the first information I disclose. It breaks the ice and calms the other mom instantly! We don't have any, but good follow-up information would be: How they are stored and who has access?

2. What pets are in the house?

We only have a friendly fish. However, letting the parents know about furry friends and their temperament is appropriate for kids with allergies and those who are fearful of dogs.

3. Who lives in the home?

I like to let new friends know up front that we have four boys, so they know that our house is lively.

4. Who will watch the kids?

I try to be home the entire time our kids have friends over. If I have to run out, I have the parent meet my husband who will then be watching them.

5. What time is drop off and pick up?

Setting the expectation up front of the length of the playdate helps both parties plan the rest of their day. I find that two to three hours is sufficient. I do shorter play dates if the kids have never played together before, just in case it isn't a match.

6. What are the planned activities?

No, I don't plan out a playdate ahead of time. It is up to the kids to decide what they want to do with their friends. However, I find it helpful to share the following:

• Which video games they may play.

• We do not have a pool.

• We do not have a trampoline.

• The backyard is fenced in.

And then I turn the table and ask the other parent a few questions.

Even if I know the child, I never assume that I have the answers to these questions.

7. Does the child have any medical conditions that I need to be aware of?

8. Are there any dietary restrictions or allergies?

Ask this even if the child isn't staying for mealtime. Kids ALWAYS get hungry on play dates, even if you filled them with a delicious lunch five minutes before. New house equals new snacks to explore! Trust me!

9. How can I reach them while their child is at our house?

I also make sure they have our contact information.

10. Does she want to see our house/the play area?

My husband knows by now that I offer parents to come inside. Before each playdate he is frantically vacuuming and picking up toys. It is tempting to schedule playdates just for the sake of getting a clean house!

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Mama in the Now. It has been republished here with permission.

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Dear Son,

I failed you yesterday! I didn't see you.

I did not SEE you all day - and now I miss you terribly, probably as much as you miss me.

I am sitting here thinking back on the day that passed, and I realize that I went an entire day without truly seeing my boy.

The morning was hectic, as mornings tend to be. We had synchronized meltdowns by the three youngest, a wardrobe failure due to syrup drippings and two severe cases of separation anxiety. The school uniforms were laid out the night before. You got up, dressed and ready without needing to be prompted. Your breakfast was prepared and served while I was on auto-pilot. Same breakfast, same routine without any upset. At least I did make sure you were fed and dressed, but I went through the motions with no collision or further interaction.

You are my old soul - without instructions you see the chaos around the house and intuitively you navigate through the morning without standing out of the crowd. But don't, please don't ever do that again because now I realize that I didn't get a chance to connect with you.

I picked you up from school (good thing I remembered that!), but it was raining and the process was rushed - not our usual oasis, our stolen moments to catch up on your adventures in education.

I worked late yesterday, at least later than normal. By the time I got home it was past dinner time, homework was missed and had to be done urgently before bed time. You and your brother quietly went off to bed. I love that you are SO "good," but please don't blend in. Raise your hand, cause commotion, throw a fit - do SOMETHING because I went an entire day without really truly seeing you.

I tell you to FOCUS all the time. I desperately beg you to pay attention at school, to mind your teacher and listen to her every word. Yet, I did the exact opposite to you yesterday. I went through the day without truly being present in the moment. Admittedly, I did not focus on you.

If something had happened to you, my last memory of you would have been blurry and I would not have known what clothes you were wearing. I know for a fact that I did not comb your hair.

For this, and so much more, I apologize. I failed you for a day and this was quite possibly not the first, but it will be the last! I can't undo and I won't get a do-over. Instead, I have a chance to prove to you today that I will not let another day slip out from under us.

While your brothers are melting down and having tantrums, I will recognize you for "going with the flow." I will look at you and I will SEE you - every bit of you. I will notice when your glaze turns inward and you start to internalize a situation. I will pick up on your silent cues and give you a reassuring look, smile or hug - which ever the situation calls for.

I am here for you. I mean, I am truly HERE - present in the moment for you and WITH you.

Your Mama in the Now (in the RIGHT NOW)

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Mama in the Now. It has been republished here with permission.

The post The day I failed my son appeared first on FamilyToday.

We are constantly on the go, rushing to and fro, trying to fit as much as possible into our already over-extended lives. We have to stop, breathe and find our focus. The frazzled rushing is counter-productive. We need a goal-oriented focus in order to be constructive. We are unfortunately unable to create time. We DO, however, have the ability to make time and to take time, even if it means enjoying stolen moments, stolen moments of sanity.

Motherhood can be hard and full of concessions and compromises, but we don't have to feel like we are getting the short end of any stick. With the right mindset we can nurture ourselves while we take care of others. My favorite motherhood "win" is when I manage to meet my own needs as well as those of my family, without cutting corners. Here are my favorite opportunities for stolen moments of sanity.

20 Stolen Moments of Sanity for Mothers

1. Get up a few minutes earlier than everyone else to take a shower and get dressed in peace.

2. Treat yourself to Starbucks. Acknowledge that it is a splurge.

3. Leave work early or come home 10 minutes late to get an errand done without kids in tow.

4. Spend five minutes cuddling, it means more for both of you than being on time.

5. Prioritize everything unapologetically, sometimes it is more important to stay home and let your friends go to dinner without you. Other times, a mom's night out is needed.

6. Accept help from people who offer. Let the bag boy carry your groceries to the car!

7. Shut off social media! It's great that your high school friend caught a big fish, but the awesome fish your kid drew with chalk is more important.

8. Read a book for ten minutes before bed. Download a FREE Kindle book and read it on your phone - instead of social media!

9. Shut off the TV, skip HGTV for an evening and organize your jewelry or a shelf in your closet.

10. Handwrite a letter to a friend or an elderly relative during your lunch.

11. Clean your kitchen counter after the kids are in bed. This way one area of the house is neat, organized and ready for a new day.

12. Scroll through the contacts in your phone. Send an "I am thinking of you" text to a long lost friend.

13. Park the car at the furthest end of the parking lot and walk the rest of the way.

14. Listen to your favorite music in the car, don't make any phone calls.

15. Sneak away to breathe and mediate for 10 minutes during the day, even if the closet is your only sanctuary.

16. Apply a refreshing facial mask while the kids are playing quietly. Do it even if they are NOT playing quietly.

17. Soak your feet in the tub while your kids are taking a bath.

18. When the kids are done eating, give them paper and crayons so you have extra time to eat in peace.

19. After dinner, sit down to color with your kids. Do NOT stay within the lines.

20. When the kids fall asleep in the car, pull into a parking lot and relax.

When you don't have the luxury of endless time and resources, remember that stolen moments count. A few minutes of conscious peace, serenity and clarity can be as revitalizing as an entire day at the spa. Allow yourself the luxury of stolen moments, and remember to "BE WHERE YOU ARE!"

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Mama in the Now. It has been republished here with permission.

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Shopping and spending money to me is like eating chocolate. I start with a little nibble: "oh look at that cute thing, I need it in my life." Then slowly I acquire a taste for more: "Wow, there are three other items in complementing colors. They are ALL must-have items!" Before I know it I crave more and more: "MUST.BUY.THEM.ALL!" Until the gluttonous spending comes to a screeching halt.

It's only fun for a while, and then I have to rein in my spending, for the health of my bank account (and my marriage). There comes a point in our lives when we have to break our shopping habit, and it CAN be done - in 10 easy steps!

Does this cycle sound familiar to you, more or less?

It is better for my wallet if I don't even start with the first "nibble," if I avoid all temptation. Right now I am on a mission to NOT spend, avoid shopping and just enjoy the things I have. My wants take a back seat to my needs, and I find I am more at peace and content when I stay in this frame of mind.

To reach this zen-filled state where contentment overrules the desire for new and sparkling materialistic things, I have had to make some changes in my life. They have been VERY effective and I know they can work for you too!

10 Easy Steps to Break Your Shopping Habit

1. Make a wish list!

Consider the list your "cooling off period." If a black pair of yoga pants are calling your name from the store's window display, ask yourself: "Self, are these awesome pants on my wish list?" This thinking will give you time to reconsider before you take the plunge.

2. Don't save your credit card information on any website

Make it harder on yourself to impulse shop. An added bonus is that you limit your exposure to identity theft.

3. Unsubscribe from daily/ weekly emails from companies

I am perfectly happy NOT being reminded of all the wonderful sales going on in my favorite stores. (Bonus: Some companies give you an incentive to sign up for their mailing list, which you may qualify for (again) if you resubscribe)

4. Set up a Gmail or Yahoo account only for emails from companies

Do not add this email address to your smartphone.

5. Print a picture of your goal

What is the number one item on your wish list? Keep a visual reminder by your computer and in your wallet. Ask yourself: "Is this more important than me reaching my goal."

6. Write down all transactions in an old school check register

Calculate your balance after every purchase and deposit. (Bonus: You avoid expensive overdraft charges by not overspending.)

7. Look at your bank account and credit card daily, track spending habits

(Bonus: You catch unauthorized transactions quickly)

8. Make a budget and carry cash

for the amount allocated to your "incidentals and groceries."

Having cash in your wallet is a great visual reminder of how much money you can spend. No cash = no shopping!

9. Avoid the mall or big shopping plazas

"Lead me not into temptation!" really holds true for my shopping habits. I can go for weeks without shopping, but once I set foot in the mall I find lots of items I MUST have.

10. Ask yourself "Can I live without this item?"

"Can I borrow this item?" "Can I buy it used?" Instead of shopping in a retail store, look on eBay, Craigslist or Facebook to see if you can get it cheaper used.

As you can tell, the method to my madness is to avoid making impulse purchases. Give yourself ample chances to reconsider before handing over the credit card. You need to break the cycle of mindless/reflex shopping.

It takes a few weeks to start a new healthy habit. Start implementing these tips today, and before you know it, shopping will seem like a frivolous activity best reserved for special occasions.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Mama in the Now. It has been republished here with permission.

The post 10 easy steps to breaking your shopping habit appeared first on FamilyToday.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Mama in the Now. It has been republished here with permission.

Dear Mom Scared of a C-section,

You are now faced with the reality that your child may be delivered via C-section - and you are naturally scared! Your carefully scripted birthplan will need to be drastically modified, the childbirth prep classes were hours you could have spent napping at home, and your dreams of natural labor may never become a reality - at least not this time around.

I know that having a C-section is not the preferred method of delivery for many moms. It is probably not how you envisioned welcoming your baby into this world. Personally, I was never given a choice in the matter, as going through labor would have been too dangerous for me. Even before we had children I knew that I would be a C-section mom, and I was at peace with it.

I am now the mother of four boys. I carried each and every one of my children in my womb for as long as my old saggy uterus could hold them. Our children are of Viking descent, so they are all freakishly large at birth - but that's no fault of their own - it is just part of their genetic makeup.

My body lovingly cradled the babies, carried and grew them each for 39 weeks. Due to one of my own medical conditions, the babies were all brought into this world with the help of an incredibly kind and supportive team of surgeons. My children were lifted from my womb, with my husband at my side. I heard each of their first cries, was one of the first people to ever see them, gave them their first kiss and was the first to feed them.

I have always been at peace with my four C-sections because delivering a baby is a part of the parenting journey. It is one of the first experiences in the journey, but it is not the most important one. The way I see it, when you travel to Europe, it certainly matters how you get there. You wish to arrive safely and in the quickest way possible. However the most important aspect of the journey is seeing Europe and feeling well enough to enjoy the sights and sounds. It matters that you had a good flight, a positive experience, but whether the plane was a Boeing or an Airbus is not something that will color the rest of your trip. That is exactly how child birth is to me - an important fascet of the parenting journey, but it is not everything.

Dear mom worried about having a C-section, let me tell you - you WILL bond with your baby. Your child can breastfeed without further issues or concerns. Having a C-section is not the end of your child birth career, nor does it mean that you have failed at motherhood before you even really got started. _Having a C-section means that you are doing exactly what your child needs from you._Delivering in an operating room means that your particular situation called for added measures and your job is to ensure that this baby is brought into the world in the safest way possible.

I know the decision whether or not to delivery via C-section should not be taken lightly, and right now it may take up a lot of your thoughts and attention. But trust me, years from now, no one will ask or even care how your child was delivered. You will never hear _"your child bit someone at day care today! Let me ask you, was he delivered via C-section?" "Your kid is mastering these sight words incredibly well, he must have been a vaginal delivery!" or __"Wow, common core math seems like a breeze for you kid, surely he was not a C-section baby."___ You MAY hear, "Look at that perfectly round head on the baby, clearly he was a C-section delivery" - but even those comments fizzle out after a few weeks.

Fact of the matter is, once your baby has arrived the only person who remembers every single detail of his delivery is YOU - his mother. You will bear the scar, you will be able to relive the hours leading up to his arrival in fine detail, while the rest of the world will marvel at his presence in the here and now. Relatives and friends will oooh and ahhh over all his great achievements as an infant, baby, toddler and child without giving it another thought whether he was delivered in an operating room, in a birthing suite or in your living room.

So for today, please know that I am not trying to minimize the magnitude and the importance of this decision. But please know from someone who has been through your "worst case scenario" four times, the end result is beautiful. The "finale" is full of indescribable happiness and it is actually the beginning of a lifetime of even harder decisions.

The post Dear mom scared of a C-section appeared first on FamilyToday.

You just took a call from your child's doctor. It wasn't his staff calling with the results, it was the doctor himself, which we all know only means that the test came back positive for (fill in the blanks). You hang up the phone, maybe you remembered to wish him a "good day," or not, regardless this is NOT a good day, so what does that matter? The news you have feared, the moment you thought would be the worst day of your life is here - right now! You are in the middle of it "¦ still breathing.

Find your Oasis

What are you supposed to do next? Who do you tell? Do you want to talk to your spouse, your own mom, your childhood friend or the woman you met two weeks ago in the support group? She seemed nice "¦ your kids share the same diagnosis, although her child has been battling this for much longer. You take a deep breath, send her a quick text with a 10 word or less summary of the phone call with the doctor. Your first phone call is then to your spouse, because of course he needs to know. While you are on the phone with him your new medical-mom-BFF calls. She got your text and picked up the phone RIGHT AWAY! You breathe a sigh of relief. She is your "OASIS."

Over the next few days and weeks the two of you become really close. You are two mothers traveling on the same painful and unimaginable journey. This type of misfortune shouldn't happen ONCE - EVER - and here the two of you are sailing on the same big dark deep ocean. You are navigating by the stars, without a compass or other directional aid. You are overwhelmed at how "the system" is failing your family, how the insurance company seems to be working against you. You long for answers from doctors, and instead you get a never-ending parade of "inconclusive," "wait and see" and some "let's try THIS approach."

When the shock wears off

When the day is over, the appointments come to a halt and the endless number of voicemails are returned, you finally sit down - breathe. You reach for your phone - not to make a call, but to check in with your "oasis" via text - your one and only friend who "gets it!" As you are mid-typing you receive a message from HER, checking up on YOU "¦ the two of you are in sync and on the same emotionally draining and physically exhausting schedule.

Your oasis knows intuitively when you are lower than low, when you are bluer than blue. She senses your stress and heartbreak - and she is always there - without judgment and without ceasing. Her prayers are timely and her hugs are comforting. In the friendship lottery you just won the Super Powerball. Although without your common denominator, the two of you might never have met. Your paths would have never crossed, nor would either of you have needed this intense friendship. Without the medical bond the two of you appear to be opposites. With the shared diagnosis, similar family dynamics and medical nightmares the two of you are twins separated at birth.

My wish for you

To all my fellow moms, I wish that each and every one of you find your own oasis - the friend who becomes your safe haven. The place you can vent, rage, scream, cry, hope and dream without judgment, regret or restraint. May your oasis be your village and your "special place." May she be the person who assures (and reassures) you that this "new normal," although very painful and heartbreaking now, one day will be worth living.

Once the dust settles on the worst phone call of your life, when the appointments fade into a routine without surprises, after your life is on cautious cruise control and the proverbial "other shoe" is no longer dangling precariously off your big toe, you look around and thankfully you see that your oasis is still sticking around. She is in your life for good as the two of you "stay strong," fighting any and every negative force together. One day you will share the story of how you met with your then adult (and thriving) children.

Who is your "OASIS?"

The post Why you need a best friend when your world is crashing down appeared first on FamilyToday.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Mama in the Now. It has been republished here with permission.

Some stories happen and instantly beg to be written, others need to mature and then one day they are ready to be presented to the world. I have held this story in my heart for six years, it has pulled me through the most terrifying times of my life. This account was my "snuggle buddy," "security blanket" and my anchor when I felt that I was capsized in the deepest and darkest oceans of motherhood.

The ledge

A mother's biggest fear is losing her child. Six years ago I faced that fear! I stood at the ledge, looked down into the abyss and felt the sinking feeling in my heart and the emptiness in my arms, wondering if I would ever see light or happiness again. Just as I started to feel a force drag me down, I was suddenly surrounded by warmth and comfort. This reassuring feeling never once left me since that day, even during the worst days of our lives.

The arrangements

Our son was 12 days old and SICK! I mean REALLY sick. The doctors didn't know exactly what was wrong with him. They only knew that he had to be airlifted to a university hospital for further treatment - it was his only chance of survival. To say we were scared, sad, defeated and feeling hopeless is a grave understatement. Our baby had already spent 10 of his 12 days alive in a PICU, so I was no stranger to hospitals, beeping alarms and urgent footsteps. Someone walked by our room and mentioned "making arrangements." They meant arranging for a helicopter to bring us down south to the bigger hospital, but when you are standing over your intubated infant in a baby warmer, those are NOT the "arrangements" that come to mind.

I immediately started to cry. What "arrangements" would we make for him? He was only 12 days old and he never had a chance to have a favorite song, color or be partial to much of anything. I knew he was comforted by nursing and listening to my voice, but other than that his preferences were still unknown. So how would we "make arrangements" fit for him? He barely had a chance to wear any of his cute baby clothes, so which outfit would I pick? What about a song? I thought of "Amazing Grace," everyone loves that song - it was my dad's favorite and he had just passed a short six months earlier. My stream of consciousness was physically painful. My thoughts were dark and suffocating.

I stood over our sweet little baby and I started to hum "Amazing Grace." I couldn't sing because I was choking back tears, thick defeated and heartbroken tears. I watched our baby, hummed the tune that brought me such comfort, hoping it was easing his stress as well, when all of a sudden, warmth, comfort and peace came over me.

The vision

As I watched my son in the warmer, a "vision" filled my mind, my heart, my soul. It felt as if God pasted an image on an overhead projector in front of me. He was sending me a signal, loud and clear - he did not want me to miss this message! It was like the bat signal lighting up the nighttime sky. Right there before me was the image of a little boy with blonde bouncing curly hair. He was running on a grassy field, like the ones we have all over our neighborhood. He was happy (and healthy). He looked back over his shoulder at me, laughing and playfully keeping a distance between us. The vision stayed with me for what seemed like an eternity. It may only have been a flash, or perhaps it was minutes or hours. I really don't know how long I watched the happy little boy, but it was the exactly the right amount of time to mend my broken heart, calm my frazzled nerves and bring peace to my soul.

From that point forward, I knew that our little baby would be OK. He would be a medical miracle, he would "show them" and forever be my hero. The only "arrangements" this boy needed were plans for a beautiful life - celebrating each and every minute, hour, day - every moment!

Our future

The next seven weeks were not without drama, scary moments and close calls. They were every bit as frightening as his first 12 days had been, often even more. But "¦ when doubt and fear entered my mind, I would retrieve the vision of the running boy and cling onto it with all my might. Some days it would magically appear on its own, other days I had to dig deep and retrieve it from my memory bank "¦ but it pulled me through our scariest of times, and talk about "pulling through," our little spirited fighter did turn out to be blonde with curly hair - something I would have never known looking at him when he was 12 days old. But my heart knew it and my soul had seen it. I thank God for giving me the comfort and reassurance I needed as I sat bedside cheering on our little fighter.

God knows the future, and he showed it to me that day. Our future is everything a happy blonde curly-haired little boy embodies. It is good!

The post God knew the future and so did I appeared first on FamilyToday.

Are you a parent with a sick child, a child with a sick parent, or a spouse with a sick partner? Chances are that you felt like you were drowning when the tidal wave of information and responsibilities of being a caregiver flooded your life. In the blink of an eye your world changed, tables might have turned, and now you are in the driver's seat going 150 mph down a dark road with no headlights - or at least so it feels!

Caring for a loved one with medical conditions is taxing and overwhelming

They don't teach those skills in school or college. LIFE seems to be the only place where you get your crash course and failing is NOT an option!

I have over the past six years gone from full on panic mode and all-consuming medical issues, to an eerie calm of routine appointments and a few "we don't need to see him again, unless things change!" This switch in dynamics is more than what we hoped for just a few short years ago. It's a wonderful feeling, but at the same time it leaves you wondering if there is still one other shoe dangling, hanging off the big toe - threatening to DROP at the slightest gust of wind.

Shoes drop all the time. Shoes come crashing to the ground on a daily basis. Sometimes they fall and cause a big commotion. Other times it was expected and almost a relief when it happens. There is no limit to the number of shoes that can drop in someone's lifetime. Unfortunately when you have a loved one with medical concerns a forecast of "scattered shoes throughout" is probably "best case scenario" for most of us. With that being said, we have to strike a balance and somehow find a way to live in between these shoe drops.

Here are the 10 steps I have followed for the past six years - and over time I found true happiness and peace. I hope you will too!

1. Go to appointments

If at all possible, come prepared! Write down all your questions and concerns. Sometimes we are caught off guard by getting a diagnosis when we thought everything was fine. In this case, an open ended question like "what have other families in our situation asked at this point?" or "if you were just handed this information about your loved one, what would you like to know?" Write everything down - start a notebook at the appointment or as soon as you get home. Write down words you don't know or understand. Medications, tests and things you have to do or they are promising to do - so you can follow up in a timely fashion. Advocating for your loved one has just become your #1 "job."

2. Fully feel emotions

Personally, I give myself 24 hours to digest new medical information. I spend a day being sad, mad, frustrated, elated, relieved, happy - whatever feelings emerge I feel them fully "¦ and then I go back into "this is not going to define us" mode. But for me, the day spent being sad, grieving, wondering, worrying, celebrating, jumping, or eating is so important for my personal healing.

3. Live life

Adjust to a "new normal" and then move onward and forward - living life. The hardest part (for me) about medical concerns is that the entire world does NOT come to a screeching halt when your world is crashing down around you. People STILL get up, go to work and live their ordinary lives - while you are digging yourself out of the rubble - or so it feels. Personally, I try to "adjust to the new normal" as quickly as possible - so we can go back to enjoying each other - after making any necessary adjustments or accommodations.

4. Document changes

While we are enjoying everyday life, I document any changes in his behavior and habits (eat, sleep, energy) in my trusty notebook. Make a habit of writing down changes that are important for your loved one's particular medical condition. I once brought a spreadsheet to the pediatrician showing our three (at the time) boys' colds and coughs over the past two months - detailed with snot color and amount of phlegm. It was one of my proudest medical mom moments! (And the pediatrician loved it!)

5. Research

OK, I hesitate to make this one of the ten steps, but we all do it, so it should be included. However, stay off Google. Search engines are NOT your friend when you are "researching" medical conditions. Great example: during my last pregnancy I diagnosed myself with "dry itchy scalp due to pregnancy hormones." I was wrong - it was LICE! You can Google ANYTHING and get the diagnosis you were suspecting. I will however, encourage you to reach out to any foundations or non-profit organizations set up for a specific medical condition. They are on the forefront of research developments and they are often a wonderful place to turn for correct, up to date and well documented information.

6. Find support

So now that you are a full fledge caregiver, do not under-estimate your own need for support, emotional outlets and friends. Personally, I did not have a support group or other medical friends to lean on when our son was the sickest. I wanted support - I needed friends "¦ so I made my own support group on Facebook. I built a network of kindred hearts - moms who "got me" and traveled on similar journeys. I also found help and support from the non-profit organization for our son's specific condition - these families from all over the world have become like a second family over the past five years. So fret not - if you don't have a network - build it! You will need it - and others need you!

7. Meet with appropriate specialists

Prior to your next appointment with your primary physician make sure to see any specialists you were referred to. You will want to have all the results available for your doctor to review, so depending on the type of testing necessary, start scheduling the specialist appointments a month or two before you need the results. The really good specialists can easily be scheduling new patients several months out in the future.

8. Order copies of reports

A week after your appointment with any specialist, call and ask to have a copy of the appointment notes as well as any test results sent to you. If at all possible, ask to see the complete test results, not just the reviewing physician's final synopsis. Read them as soon as they arrive, make notes to ensure that the final results are the same ones conveyed to you at your appointment. Write any questions or comments in your notebook - and then file all the paperwork - and put it out of your mind for a while.

9. Review and prepare

Few days before seeing your primary doctor gather all the past reports, test results and your note book. Refresh your memory from the last appointment. Look at your notes of what you discussed, memorize numbers and test results and review your observations since last appointment. Make new notes in your book of questions to ask and concerns to discuss. Yes - it is much like preparing for an exam. You have become a student of this medical condition.

10. Stay calm and go to the appointment

The shock from the initial diagnosis has now settled, it has become a part of your life and you have adjusted to your "new normal." You will see your primary physician on a regular basis, whether it is every month, three months, six months "¦ or perhaps even every year - this doctor will be a permanent part of your life. If you followed the steps outlined above, you will be well-prepared for these appointments, and in a great position to discuss your concerns and have your questions answered.

After the appointment repeat steps 2 through 10 "¦

Over time, the cycle of living in between appointments will become second nature. Initially it seems impossible, but there are smiles to be found, hugs to be shared, tenderness to be given and HOPE! My best advice to anyone on a medical journey for themselves or a loved one - seek support! You are never alone in this - find kindred hearts - they are out there, waiting to support and be supported.

Stay strong, never lose hope - and tie your shoes so they don't drop!

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We all have our own currency of happiness. What makes me happy, may not make you happy, and it may very well not make someone else happy - unless they keep an open mind.

We count our pennies, dimes and quarters of happiness until we have whole dollars - big chunks of unadulterated pure bliss. Some of my friends appreciate material goods, collect them and gather enough to reach a euphoric state of elation after a successful shopping trip. Others revel in success, good old fashion elbow grease until the mission has been accomplished. They proudly display their fancy corporate title, name drop when telling stories of their latest travels and three course business dinner meetings. But those are not my measures of happiness.

So what is my happiness currency? Well, a recent trip to Starbucks made me think about it a little deeper. I was waiting in line when I overheard two friends talking. They were discussing a mutual friend who had just had her second child. The child was apparently born with several medical issues and would require special attention for the rest of her life. They expressed sympathy for the new mother and even went as far as to say: "I feel so bad. She wanted a baby so badly and then THIS happens to her." I had to exhibit great restraint in order not to jump into the conversation. But I felt that eavesdropping was a grave offense all in its own, so there was no need to draw any unnecessary attention to myself. But I left there wondering if that is how people truly feel about families with "special" children.

Do people pity those of us who are on a medical journey with our kids? Do they think our lives are less happy because of our kids? Wow - that thought baffled me, sent an electric shock through my body. Never once have I ever thought that our lives were less happy because we travel a road filled with doctor appointments, worries, hand sanitizer, precautions, medications, concerns and uncertainty. It never dawned on me that others view us as a bunch of sad saps because of our child's health.

We are blessed to have met countless fellow "medical parents," families who also have children with chronic medical conditions of varying degrees of severity and rarity. One common message from each and every one of those families has always been that their lives are not any less happy because of their special child. In contrast, they have happiness BECAUSE of their child.

Is life more hectic with a medical child? The answer is "of course." Do medical concerns drain you emotionally, financially and eventually put a strain on every relationship in your life? You bet they do. BUT, having a child who requires extra attention makes you appreciate life and teaches you to see things in a whole new way.

Life and happiness are no longer measured in big currency. You cannot wait to collect enough happiness coins to make a whole dollar before you crack a smile or celebrate a milestone. Our children teach us that every happiness coin, every penny is a cause for celebration. While others wait to praise the Lord until they earn a promotion or can afford a new car, we celebrate each day as if it was an annual event. Every ounce gained, every quarter of an inch grown is documented. Every smile, swim in the pool, bike ride or completed Lego project are greeted with a "high five" and an "atta boy!" We "medical parents" know how to party and live life.

At the risk of using corporate speak, we "dial life down to a granular level." We do not live in a macro world, our lives are not viewed from the top down. Our vantage point is from the bottom up. We enjoy the world on a micro-level, taking pleasure from every little tiny morsel of happiness we can scoop into our hands and hold close to our hearts. We are the most thankful, thoughtful and caring people, because we know first-hand how frail life can be.

So when you find yourself talking to your friends about someone with a special child. Please tell the world that they were blessed to become that child's parent. Medical parents do not want pity, we may need a hug once in a while, but not pity. So when you are ready to live life to its fullest, make friends with someone who has a special child, because our children ARE our happiness.

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Dear mom sitting across from me,

I know we have not officially met before, but I can comfortably say that I know you already rather well.

Our paths might never cross outside of these walls. We live different lives, even speak different languages - but in here, none of that matters. In here, we speak the same language and have the same objectives. To us "ejection fraction, EKG, echo, cath, pressures, left ventricle, ace inhibitor and beta blockers" are just some of our shared everyday words.

We can carry on hour-long conversations about these terms, using them like professionals. We may not fully understand what they mean, but we know what they mean to us - we know how they affect our world. We hope to leave here today hearing "unchanged" or even "normal range" and "improved" - we are both hoping for the same results and answers. Our paths have crossed today and for a moment in time our lives are interchangeable - almost identical.

You barely looked up when I sat down, your surroundings don't matter right now - all that matters is your companion - your child - he is your world. I sit back, turn my focus to my companion, my child - because he is my world. Together, the two of us, two worried moms, sit "¦ holding our babies, clinging on to hope, miracles and prayer.

The room is gray, drab and sterile. This is not a place where you would expect to find spirituality, yet the presence of a Higher Power can be felt as soon as you enter the room. God, Jehovah, Allah - whatever you call him - his presence can be felt in every corner, on every cold metal chair, all over the room. Everyone in here is calling upon their Higher Power and the requests are all the same - even though the languages vary and the names are different - the message does not change: "Please be by our side, and let us hear good news." No one in this room wants to go this journey alone, but with their Higher Power at their side, they feel strength and courage.

Mom, I see your tired eyes. I know that sleep eluded you last night and perhaps even the night before. You look worn out, scared, sad and deflated - but when your eyes turn to the bundle in your arms there is a glimmer of hope. I watch you looking down upon your baby, and I know your thoughts turn to his future, wondering what it holds. You quickly rein in your thoughts, look up and give me a cautious smile.

I can tell that you made an extra effort to look nice today. Your clothes, hair and makeup were all chosen with this potentially life altering day in mind. You are wearing some makeup, but not too much - in case there is a reason to cry uncontrollably. Your clothes match perfectly and look nice, yet they are comfortable - in case you will need to stay here for some time - days, perhaps even weeks. Your hair is nicely styled - yet it looks casual enough to be able to last a few days.

Your purse is really big. I bet that this is not your everyday purse. This is your "what if" or "just in case" bag. This is the one you have had packed like this for a while. Inside is an extra cell phone charger, a change of clothes for you and your child, and some cash. On the bottom in a corner is your old hair brush and the tooth brush your dentist gave you after your last dental exam. This is the bag that normally sits by your front door - ready to go into action if ever called upon. This is your "worst case scenario" bag. But if it is never used, if your baby outgrows the spare clothes before ever wearing it - then you are blessed - that will mean that "unchanged" and maybe even "normal range" and "improved" are part of your vocabulary now too.

Dear mom sitting across from me. I will add you in my prayer, if you will add me in yours. Together we will sit here in silence and pray our children healthy. We may only share shy and cautious smiles on the outside, but on the inside - in our hearts, we share this journey. I wish you nothing but "unchanged" and even "normal range" and "improved" - at this visit and all the others that are in your future. Thank you for making me feel less alone today - thank you for sharing your story just by smiling to me.

Sincerely,

Mom sitting across from you

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