After breaking off a long-term relationship, it may be tempting to either jump right back in the dating pool or hibernate in hermit mode. Neither approach is really healthy in the long run, so how do you know when it's OK to start dating again? It's a personal choice, but these guidelines can help you make that decision.

1. Getting over a relationship takes time

Ending a relationship is hard. Even the smoothest and most mutual of break ups can leave a person heartbroken and gasping for breath. Some people need lots of alone time to process what happened and to reconnect with themselves. Others get over a break up by going out on fun dates that aren't serious or by spending time with friends.

How to cope with your break up is up to you. Either way, you'll need to learn how to take one day at a time. However, it's important to keep a sense of balance in all things: Hiding in front of the TV in a funk of depression for months on end is self-destructive, and diving back into dating too soon can be hurtful to the person you keep going out with. No one wants to be a part of a rebound relationship.

2. How soon is it OK to date again?

There are a number of popular "rules of thumb" that people try to follow (or tell others to use) to decide when it's time to start dating again after a break up.

Half the time the couple was together

It's often said that it takes half the length of the relationship to get over the break up. There's no evidence that this is true, and it certainly leaves anyone coming out of a long-term relationship hanging. Imagine waiting ten years to start dating after the end of a twenty-year marriage!

One month for every year of the relationship

Here's another common rule of thumb for dating after a break up. Again, there's no evidence that this rule is the best tactic, but it does provide a time frame for getting over your former love.

Whenever the person feels ready

This piece of advice is very popular among those who are newly single again, but it should be taken with a grain of salt. If it seems like time to start searching for your soul mate, it's important to check in with your innermost feelings to make sure it really is time. Don't get swept up in the idea of dating someone for the fun of it or because it's easy.

It's very common to crave positive attention after a committed relationship ends, and a rebound relationship certainly provides that, but it's a dangerous way to stroke the ego and is ultimately unsatisfying. Rebound relationships often end with your date (or yourself) getting hurt.

The only way to be sure it's time to date again is to sit with your emotions after the break up and work through them. This will take time, but having fun, talking with good friends and having a healthy support network will help. In other cases, seeing a therapist, even for a couple of sessions, can be helpful in getting over your break up and moving on.

Deciding to start dating again after a big break up is a very individual decision. It should be made with eyes open and an honest awareness of the state of your heart.

The post How to be ready to date again after a break up appeared first on FamilyToday.

Loving relationships take hard work and commitment from both parties. But as you fall more and more in love, there's a chance something will come along that sabotages this connection. Maybe it's a communication issue, or something more serious, such as infidelity or family problems. No matter how hard the couple tries to salvage the relationship, it can still ultimately end in a breakup...and heartache.

Depending on why you and your love broke up, here are tips to feeling positive and as happy as possible after your relationship ends:

Breaking up because you're incompatible

Many relationships end because the couple is not compatible in one or more ways. Maybe you want marriage but he doesn't. Maybe he's not willing to move for your work. Whatever the reason, coming to a point where you realize you both just aren't compatible usually occurs after the infatuation stage starts to fade. You both realize that the kisses and handholding was really all there was to this relationship.

You'll undoubtedly feel like breaking up was the best option, but you'll still feel heartbroken. Here are ways to heal after breaking off an incompatible relationship:

• Relax and realize the breakup is no one's fault - some people are not meant to be together.

• Make your life exciting again by getting back into your hobbies and interests (and finding new ones).

• When friends or family ask about the relationship, don't talk negatively about your former parter. Simply explain why you broke up, then change the subject.

It will take time to heal, but knowing that the relationship wouldn't have worked anyway will help you feel positive.

Ending a miserable relationship

If the relationship is miserable, breaking up is the right thing to do. It can still take its toll on one or both people because it wasnt all bad. A miserable relationship can mean many things: maybe you need more independence or just can't stand being around someone who is so negative.

Even if the relationship was miserable, there were parts that made you happy which will make the breakup tough. Be sure to do the following to heal after breaking off a miserable relationship:

• Lean on family and friends and accept their kind words.

• Avoid more misery by giving in or begging the other person to change.

• Find a passion that will replace being miserable. Some people may enjoy volunteering and others may want to get a pet.

When infidelity ends a relationship

One of the most common causes of a breakup is because of infidelity. If one partner was unfaithful and the other has a difficult time forgiving, a breakup usually follows. The person who was unfaithful needs to take responsibility and figure out how to prevent this from happening again in future relationships. The person who remained faithful should learn from the experience without developing bitterness that will prevent a happy, loving relationship after taking time to heal.

Here are ways to stay positive after breaking off an unfaithful relationship:

• Never take the blame for the other person being unfaithful. If there was a problem, it should have been discussed and not "solved" by seeking love outside the relationship.

• Take stock of personal, positive attributes - learn to see the good in yourself.

• Get support from counseling.

• Build an ego without being too self-centered. This may involve taking a class and learning something new or getting a makeover.

• Make (and achieve) personal and positive goals.

After a breakup, everyone needs time to heal. Whether the relationship ended because of incompatibility, being miserable or infidelity, it's a good idea to focus on personal positives before getting involved in another relationship. Use these tips to help you heal, stay positive and move past your heartbreak.

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The post How to stay positive after breaking up appeared first on FamilyToday.

Pregnancy is a time of great happiness and excitement...but can also be a time of challenges and concerns. Money worries, relationship woes, previous pregnancy troubles, job demands and fluctuating hormones can all impact your mood during these nine months.

But as an expectant mother, it's important to keep anxiety levels to a minimum. Chronic stress can impact not only you (by increasing the likelihood of depression) but also the little life growing inside you. High levels of chronic stress can increase your risk of delivering a baby early, with a low birth weight and delayed cognitive skills.

If you are suffering from long-standing anxiety and sadness, reach out to a health care professional. But if you're experiencing short-term moments of unhappiness, use these four tips to help reduce the negative and increase the positive during pregnancy:

Breathe

When thoughts of how you'll provide for your new baby, when a co-worker makes an insensitive comment about your birthing choices, or when you question - once again - how good of a mother you'll be, just breathe.

Concentrated breathing can help calm emotions and ease tension. It allows you to focus on the present instead of the frustrations. It allows you to relax.

There are lots of breathing exercises you can try. For a simple one, lay, sit or stand in a comfortable position, and follow your breath by focusing your attention on your inhale, exhale, and the start and stopping point of each.

If your mind wanders, it's OK - just acknowledge the thoughts that come, then return to the breathing process. The goal here is to loosen up, so don't punish yourself; be gentle.

Create

Draw. Write. Paint. Collage. Dance. Sew. Sing. It doesn't how or what you create, as long as you express yourself. Creating distracts your mind from your stress and lets you channel your emotions into something tangible.

Create a self-portrait, highlighting your curves and expectant "glow," or you can turn on your favorite music and dance, getting lost in the rhythms (assuming you're not on bed rest can't exercise like that).

Write in your journal. Or on your blog that shares your experiences with others. Scribble butterflies and daffodils on notebook paper with a red ballpoint pen.

Whatever works for you, just do it. This is not a time to judge your work (unless critiquing fills you with joy). This project, whatever it may be, is just a way for you to work through your emotions and help shift your state of mind.

Laugh

When you laugh, stress hormones go down and the feel-good hormones go up. Those feel-good hormones, called endorphins, can temporarily suspend pain, and create an overall sense of happiness. Laughter also relaxes your muscles, helps you to feel optimistic and adds joy to your relationships.

So, bring more laughter into your life. Invite your friends over to your home (or the local park or your favorite restaurant) to just spend time together and talk about the funny and embarrassing moments you've shared. Host a movie night where you watch your favorite comedy and laugh the night away. Without much effort, one person begins to chuckle, then the whole room is laughing - it's contagious.

For the everyday, instead of mulling over what's bothering you, find humor in the situation. It's hard to feel sad with a big smile on your face.

Connect

To help you reduce stress, you can also confide in close friends and family, by discussing your feelings and concerns with them. Talking with the people you trust can help you feel less alone.

You can also connect in another way: Set aside time each day specifically to pay attention to the little life growing inside. Rub your belly, talk to your baby and sing. You may even find comfort in writing a letter to your unborn child, sharing hopes for their future.

When the stress of life gets to you, stop and remind yourself that you're doing this all for your own precious little miracle.

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