Recently on the television show The X Factor, one of the judges, Kelly Rowland, a solo artist who got her start with the group Destiny's Child at age 16, consoled a contestant who had been eliminated by encouraging him to not give up. She lamented that it had taken her eight long years of work before she got her break in the business and that he was still young and would have future chances to achieve his dream. She ought to know, after all, she's a whopping 33 years old.

While her words were certainly wise advice for this young man, I couldn't help but think of all the other people in the world who have spent just as many years and likely just as much effort pursuing their dreams- maybe more - and yet still haven't had their lucky break. Somehow it doesn't feel much like luck when everyone else is lucky and you're not.

To add insult to injury, we are often led to believe that the dream achievers are more deserving than those in the struggle. We've all seen a winning contestant gloatingly look heavenward after his victory as though God were on his team and nobody else's. Since when do only the winners claim God's favor?

Or we might be led to believe that the dream achievers are more gifted than those who have yet to make it big. We can't argue with the brilliance of songstress Adele or director Steven Spielberg, but clearly even the gifted have to exert some form of action. Michelangelo would never have become renown without lifting his paintbrush.

So then how do we explain the average artist who happens to be in the right place at the right time and receives huge acclaim and even maintains a lifelong career based on that one simple stroke of good luck? I'm thinking about the likes of entertainers Sonny and Cher, or say, Miley Cyrus.

Then there's the really ordinary people of the world like Ryan Seacrest, who began his career as a simple, inexperienced radio DJ but with drive and ambition ended up hosting the ever popular American Idol, investing in many other television, movie and radio productions, and now owns a big chunk of the entertainment world.

Does that mean that burning ambition can trump talent? Or are there just certain people pre-destined for greatness while the rest of us grapple with ordinary lives? Or maybe, they were just lucky. Here are some tips on how to feel both lucky and blessed.

How about the people who count on luck in their careers, like gamblers, robbers, and race car drivers? Olympians with all their training and talent still depend upon luck for a win because of the unknown elements and variable competition. When they're lucky, it's glorious! When they're not so lucky, it's painful. Just ask Shaun White.

That is the unfortunate thing about luck. It's mysteriously unfair. Some people are born lucky. They have good parents, ample money and more opportunities than the average person. Others marry lucky. Some even stumble upon luck. Optimists argue that you can create your own luck, but it is never distributed evenly or logically.

For me, the real lesson to be learned in all of this is that those who have achieved their dreams, somewhere along the line, took the opportunities that life offered them, fair or not, and made the most of it. And where there were no opportunities, the bravest of souls doggedly created them. Luck has very little to do with it (except for the lucky ones) and most of us figure that out by the time we're 40.

So, here's a shout out to all those determined and talented people who have yet to achieve their dreams. Press on! Be bold, and realize that whatever gift you have, or don't have, will be recognized someday ... if you're lucky.

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Many of us associate thank-you notes with unpleasant memories of our mothers forcing us to write tedious letters of gratitude to generous relatives after Christmas and birthdays. Though written forms of thankfulness are becoming rare, due to technology, sincere expressions of gratitude will never be out of style.

The trick to writing a genuinely fabulous thank-you note is to focus on the giver. Your aim should be to write in such a way that the giver will truly feel appreciated for his kindness and generosity. Here are 3 simple tips to accomplish that goal:

1. Address the person

you are writing by name in a warm manner. Failing to write her name is a stark indication of your indifference.

2. Genuinely thank

the individual for the gift, mentioning what it was to confirm that you received it, and find something positive to say about the gift - whether you liked it or not. Even if the gift was totally not your color or style, you can acknowledge the effort and thoughtfulness. It's important that we recognize the time it took to make or buy the gift, wrap it and deliver it to you, or the time it took to do something out of the ordinary especially for you.

3. Sign the card with sincerity

appropriate to the relationship you have with the giver.

It has been said "a very wise public-relations counsel recommends letter writers to delete the pronoun 'I' as much as possible. A weekend thank-you note that opens 'I had a wonderful time,' is not half so captivating as one beginning, 'You are a wonderful hostess.' Both say thank you, but, ah, my friends, the second is the one that will get you asked back!"

Notice the difference between the two following thank-you notes:

Dear family,

Thank you so much for the Christmas package. We loved the toys and books for the children. We hope you had a lovely holiday.

Love, John, Joan, Jim and Jennie

OR:

Dear Aunt Bette and Uncle Sam,

You are the most wonderful aunt and uncle in the world. We have had so much fun with the Parcheesi board game that you sent us for our anniversary. It is a perfect addition to our collection, and we will think of you every time we play. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness.

Love, Tony and Tina

A sincere, thoughtfully written thank-you note is truly a gift in itself. It is a picture of our heart, and it just might become a treasure to be read over and over again. If we succeed in making the giver feel loved, appreciated and feel good for doing good, then we have, perhaps, given the best gift of all.

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The tender years of nurturing and cherishing our children go by so quickly. In just a blink, they're grown up and ready to head out into the world. We can't possibly prepare them for everything, but there are 11 essential things we need to teach our daughters before they leave the nest.

1. Teach her that she has inherited all the strengths of her birth family

Whether she owns the family nose or claims her grandfather's natural ability to make friends; whether her childhood was blissful or challenging; whatever her genetics and life experiences have been - these things have made her the strong young woman she is today.

2. Teach her to surround herself with beauty and goodness and all things that uplift her and fill her heart with joy

Council her to leave no room in her life for darkness. Life is too precious for that.

3. Teach her that her mother will always be there to listen

Be the kind of woman that she will want to emulate, and create the type of relationship where she will have confidence to share her heart with you. Let her know that you and her father will always be her biggest fans.

4. Teach her that she is beautiful on the inside

She'll want to know how to enhance her eyes with makeup and style her hair in several becoming ways, but as long as she knows she's truly beautiful on the inside, she'll make it through the bad perms, stretch marks and whatever else life brings her.

5. Teach her to find genuine people to associate with

The kind of people who have purpose in their lives and who avoid psychologically draining drama. In this day and age of technology, reciprocal relationships are becoming more difficult to develop and are all the more treasured because of it.

6. Teach her to make learning a lifetime gift to herself

Encourage her to pursue further education when possible, but to always have a desire to strengthen her gifts and talents. Whether it be learning how to make bread or learning how to bring peace to the world, an openness to improving her mind will be of great benefit.

7. Teach her to develop a deep relationship with God

This will give her a well-rounded perspective, inner confidence and peace of mind. She will then have the maturity to look outside herself, develop empathy and be of service to others which will bring her great measures of joy and satisfaction.

8. Teach her to follow her heart and to trust in it

Help her to discover the purposes of her life and instill in her the courage to nurture and fulfill them. Do whatever you can to improve the odds of her success so that she can accomplish what she came to the earth to do.

9. Teach her that she never needs to settle for any man

She has the right to marry someone who will truly love, honor and cherish her and who will make a genuine commitment with her. It may take a while to find the right one to marry and that's okay! A contented marriage brings one of the greatest joys in life and is the best gift any woman can give to her daughter. It should be sought with great consideration.

10. Teach her that the girl friends she acumulates through the years will always play a big part in her life, and will sometimes be even more valued than family ... so advise her to make very good friends.

Their connections will greatly influence her and bring her strength as she journeys through the different phases of life.

11. Teach her to love herself

When she feels loved and worthy of love, she will have the power to skip by the devastating roadblocks of crippling addiction, wasteful self-loathing and defeating behavior. When she feels loved, she will be able to love with her whole heart.

As she heads out that door, eager to embrace the life she's always dreamed of, we can make sure that she can sew a button on a shirt and hold her own with an obnoxious salesperson, but our chief duty - or shall I say, our chief privilege - is to give her wings that are strong enough to hold her up under any wind velocity. And then ... let her fly.

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Anticipatory grief is reacting to a loss that has not yet happened such as a child's eventual departure to college or a parent's inevitable death. It is essentially pre-mourning. It can manifest itself when a loved one is diagnosed with a life threatening disease, or during blissful "honeymoon" periods when everything seems to be going wonderfully well, of which you never want to end.

Common symptoms of anticipatory grief are moments of profound emotion, an underlying dread for the future, increased anxiety as "the end" approaches, and occasionally, guilt. The usual phases of grief can be present, as well - denial, bargaining, anger, despair and acceptance, as established by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (1973, On Death and Dying). Symptoms may, however, occur repeatedly or in a different order or last longer due to the nature of the circumstances.

Family members who are supporting a loved one with a terminal disease often experience anticipatory grief and are sometimes guilt ridden by feelings of "anticipating" or looking forward to the end as an unconscious means of being able to endure the challenges of being the caregiver. Likewise, those diagnosed with terminal diseases can experience anticipatory grief as they prepare mentally and spiritually for the predicted outcome.

Three useful tips for coping with anticipatory grief are:

1. Find the support you need

Anticipatory grief is largely unrecognized or misunderstood. Therefore, you will need to mindfully gather family and friends around who understand and have the patience to listen and offer support.

2. Expect grief to come in unexpected ways

After one of my Dad's near-death situations, I developed an immediate impulse to sleep. This continued for weeks after the crisis and has never happened since. Be aware of how your body is reacting to the hodgepodge of emotions that come with grief and validate your feelings.

3. Be kind to yourself

It takes time and effort for grief to be resolved. Indulging in addictions, such as alcohol or drugs, will only postpone the progress. Seek professional help if your grief is debilitating. Gently force yourself to remain active socially and find opportunities to get outside and exercise.

Truth is, none of us can anticipate how we will respond to loss. Our grief may be as individual as the colors in a jumbo box of Crayons. The more we become familiar with anticipatory grief, the more prepared we are to cope with whatever loss that comes our way. As one unknown author wrote, "Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a loss of faith, it is the price of love." And I might add... a price worth paying.

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1. Write down your memoirs

- Whether it be in the form of a journal, life history or simply a recollection of random memories, your posterity will be forever grateful that you took the time to write it down. It makes for a wonderful keepsake and will long be treasured.

2. Write down your passwords

- In this computer age, we keep separate passwords for every account and change them frequently. If something happened to you, would your family be able to access your accounts to keep them current or close them? Maintaining a small notebook with this information will greatly eliminate confusion and disorganization, even while you're alive.

3. Write down the spiritual highlights of your life

- Let's call these the "aha" moments of deep, revelatory understanding and glimpses of complete joy. Why make your children and grandchildren struggle for the same clarity and vision that you've already obtained?

4. Write down the names of the people in your photographs

- Having acquired multiple photo albums from my parents and their parents, and their parents, it makes me truly sad to own so many lovely pictures of family (most likely) and not even know who they are. Years down the road, nobody will have a clue who the people in your photos are even though they are perfectly familiar to you right now. Likewise, family heirlooms should be labeled with their histories.

5. Write down your final wishes

- It is an act of love to communicate with your family your preferences for the last days of your life and for your funeral. It's quite appropriate to even write your own obituary. This will bring great peace to them in their time of sorrow and stress.

6. Write down your recipes

- My mother died before my children were born, but every Christmas morning we feel her near because I make her beloved Christmas breakfast casserole. Recipes that are important to your family can be passed down and revered just as great Grandma Anna's china can be lovingly used for generations to come.

7. Secure a will and power of attorney

- According to Suze Orman, financial guru, "A will designates where your assets go after your death. But what if you become sick and incapacitated and need someone to oversee your financial affairs? Arrange for a durable power of attorney - a document that enables you to appoint someone to manage all your financial and legal affairs on your behalf should you become incapacitated. The little extra time and money that go into these steps are well worth it, for your sake and that of your loved ones."

8. Write down your genealogy

- How easy it is for you to remember the names and important dates of your family while each succeeding generation will struggle to find the information that's right at your fingertips. Even if you're not interested in genealogy, there is great worth in keeping a current record for your posterity.

9. Write down how you would like your belongings dispersed

- After my mother died unexpectedly, my father had no idea what to do with all her belongings, and his new unsentimental wife simply didn't care. Precious memories were given away haphazardly or were lost in the confusion. Make it easy for those who remain to respect your wishes by writing it down.

10. Express your love and appreciation for your loved ones with written words

- Spoken words fade with time, but written words last much, much longer. Every time I read the loving words written by my grandfather in his last letter to me prior to his death, my heart is warmed by his evident love and it's as though he is still here with me.

Though illness and death can bring unsolicited heartache and change to our lives, we can soften the impact and reassure our loved ones through the written word. "If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading or do things worth the writing." Benjamin Franklin

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1. "Are you expecting?"

Honestly, it amazes me how many times this etiquette no no occurs. A slight weight gain or protrusion of the tummy area does not justify anyone to ask such a question. When a woman is expecting, it is her prerogative and privilege to announce the impending news...especially to her husband.

2. "You are just like your mother!"

These words should only be spoken as a compliment, because if the intent is anything else, it could determine where he sleeps that night.

3. "You look good, but you're no Jennifer Lopez!"

It is never appropriate to restrict praise or make it conditional, especially if he's no Tom Cruise. Perhaps if he wanted J-Lo, he should have married her in the first place.

4. "Have you tried putting the spoons in upside down in the dishwasher?"

A good husband should never give instruction for any job his wife does regularly. Even if his suggestion is good, it won't be appreciated. The same rule applies to women - except for backseat driving. The safety of her entire family is dependent upon it.

5. "Are you really going to eat all that?"

When a woman hears this comment, she instantaneously wants to eat twice as much. A man should ask himself, is that really his goal?

6. "By the way Honey, I've invited the boss and his wife for dinner tonight."

As a general rule, women don't like surprises unless it comes in a little velvet box or in the form of a weekend getaway to the coast. Making this announcement could roughly be compared to a woman saying to her husband, "By the way Honey, I invited my mother over to declutter your man cave."

7. "If I had known we were having broccoli for dinner tonight, I would have stayed at work."

This comment only gives a woman more reason to serve broccoli. A good rule to follow is whatever is on the table when he gets home is exactly what he was hoping for.

8. "My (fill in the blank - ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, mother) makes the best blueberry pie ever!"

Those days are over dear, move on. I can assure you, she doesn't want to hear about it.

9. "Don't you want to do your hair before we leave?" Or, "Is that really what you're going to wear tonight?"

Men should know that on most days, their multi-tasking wives get more accomplished by noon than he likely gets done all day. The last thing a woman wants is her better half needlessly draining her confidence. One friend has taken to reminding her husband, "A lesser woman could not have done as much."

10. "Yes, that dress makes you look fat."

No, no, no gentlemen. She never looks fat. Ever. There are more diplomatic and peace preserving ways to address the situation, such as, "In my opinion, the navy blue skirt is more slimming." Or, "You always look wonderful to me."

The most important guideline in a marriage is to remember that kindness is critical. This is our forever partner, the love of our life, our best friend! We should never do or say anything that might hurt their feelings, embarrass them or cause them to pull away from us.

Fortunately, men can learn to navigate the tenuous paths of marital bliss. By avoiding these ten serious blunders, he will have the confidence to bypass an assortment of potential setbacks and become the husband she always wanted.

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