We are living at a time when many couples struggle to keep their jobs, their homes, and their marriages. These are the times when we must cling to each other with herculean strength. Hard times will pass, things will get better. All we have to do is hold on and keep moving forward together.

Many years ago when we were on our honeymoon we bought a little wooden plaque that we thought was very funny.

We still have it, and it has taken on new meaning several times throughout our life together. It serves as a humorous reminder that we've made it through some pretty difficult storms, and we're going to do our best to keep on "making it."

There will be hard times in every couple's life. These times can bring you together or break you apart. If you are determined that you are committed to each other and to your marriage, no matter what happens, then there is no way these difficult events will rip you apart. The only real tragedy is a lost marriage and a broken family.

Here are a few suggestions we have for helping your spouse through hard times.

Accept comfort, even if you don't want it

Sometimes when a deep sorrow or a difficult time comes into a marriage, one or the other spouse may put up a barrier that destroys the closeness you have developed. Stress and sadness do strange things. When you need loving arms around you the most, you may actually reject the effort of your mate to give you comfort, and you can't even explain why you reject it. It can be very frustrating to the one who is trying to give comfort.

Accept hugs and physical affection

Even if you feel like you don't want any hugs, accept them. The very act of opening up to a loving hug can break down the barrier and start to heal the heartbreak. Hold each other in your arms and allow your mate to cry. If one of you doesn't cry, don't be critical; just hold on to the embrace, and never accuse each other of not caring. Embracing brings about healthy healing. It's as if energy from your mate infuses you with strength to go on, even when you're both suffering.

Nurture one another

A noted professor told us the story of his arriving home one day feeling deeply sad and hurt by what had happened at work. As he sat on the edge of his bed his wife asked him if he was all right. He found himself unable to reply and could only sit there and weep. His wife sat down beside him and held him in her arms without saying a word. That was the greatest thing she could have done for him at that moment. He said, "I needed that silent nurturing." Nurturing each other with loving embraces and words of hope will bless your marriage and your family. Remember, things will get better.

To abandon your mate when life gets tough is like throwing away a valuable diamond just before it has been polished to achieve its most brilliant sparkle. Hold on to each other through the stormy seasons of life: When the skies clear, you will see a relationship more radiant and beautiful than you ever thought possible - a relationship that never could have had the full depth and beauty without the struggle. It's good to remember that "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." (Psalms 30:5)

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We recently celebrated our 57th wedding anniversary. With each passing year, we've become a little more introspective of our shared journey and experiences. At times people have asked what we did that made our marriage reach the "golden" age. Our first response is a unanimous, "Commitment." Being committed to making our marriage work was deep inside each of us from the beginning, and we really didn't talk about it until we had been married almost 10 years.

We also share the main reason we chose to marry, which was we wanted to be with each other more than we wanted to be with anyone else on this good green earth. And after 57 years we both still feel the same.

So that this article would not be just a recap of our marriage, we queried eight other couples who had been married over fifty years with a variety of backgrounds and experiences. They were happy to look back over their marriages, because having lived a marriage with integrity allows one to review it with honesty—both the enjoyment and the challenges.

Five main things these couples married 50+ years have in common

1. Commitment to their marriage

One couple shared that they had both come from divorced parents and right from the beginning they committed to working out their challenges so they would not inflict divorce on their children. Another couple observed, "Mutual commitment from day one helped to solve problems instead of ignoring them. Failure was not an option."

2. Support each other

Many of the husbands' jobs required extensive travel (military and otherwise). There was a feeling by all of being supported by their mates. One husband said, "I decided to call my wife a few times each day to check on her and the children and to let her know how much I loved her." She said, "This constant expression of love helped me through so many down times. He makes me happy every minute."

3. Enjoy each other's interests

All of the couples are active in their respective religions and have supported each other in their church service. Sharing spiritual experiences enhanced their love for each other.

One husband developed an interest in painting and his wife enjoyed photography. So as they would travel around she would take pictures of scenes he expressed an interest in wanting to paint. Together they enjoyed each other's talents.

4. Share family responsibilities and fun times

The couples expressed that this sharing included hobbies, fun activities, raising the children, household chores, etc. One couple told of a time when they had just moved to a new location. "After the movers had left and the house was filled with boxes, we realized this was the last chance we would have for a family vacation before school started. So we left the boxes, loaded up the car and left for Yellowstone Park." Spontaneity like this can strengthen a marriage and family.

The sharing of available monies was also mentioned by the couples. One couple stated, "We have always had a shared stewardship over our finances and they have generally been limited." Another couple remarked, "From the beginning, we were united in how we used our money."

5. Build a relationship of love, respect, and trust

All of the couples interviewed expressed a deep love, respect, and trust for each other. It is these attributes that have allowed these couples to walk through their life experiences together. Many are now facing new age-related physical challenges and together they are holding on, realizing how important they are to each other.

These are but a few of the tips given by these inspiring couples. We hope they help as you develop the strengths to have your marriage thrive and survive.

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Much of life is filled with competition. As children we want to have the best toy, the biggest piece of cake, and Mom and Dad paying the most attention to me. In school we compete for the best grades, a place on the best team, and the chance to go to the best college. Competing continues on and on in our lives. When a couple gets married they each are seeking to figure out where they fit in this new family unit. As they are already conditioned to be in the competition mode, it often continues into the marriage.

Don't make it about being right

Early in Jim and Marie's marriage, they had a spirited discussion (argument) over whose job it was to pay the bills. Jim's father was an accountant and he paid the bills so Jim thought it was the husband's job. Marie's father was a farmer and her mother paid the bills so she thought it was the wife's job. Jim prevailed and got to pay the bills under the "round to it system", which meant the bills got paid when he got "around to it". This made Marie nervous. Two years later, when Jim was deep into post graduate studies, Marie had more time so she took over paying the bills and has been doing it ever since. Jim discovered that Marie was a better money manager and was more than happy to have her take over the duty, much to Marie's relief. This started out as a competition of who was right, not who was right for the task.

Many couples, both young and older, come to therapy complaining about a lack of respect and kindness in their marriage. Betty stated, "We are always arguing over the dumbest stuff." Frank added, "We are both stubborn people and have to be right, so we spend a lot of time trying to prove the other one wrong. Our time together isn't fun anymore." When you read this, do you want to shout, "Hey, Betty and Frank, wake up. If you know it is dumb stuff you argue about and it is not fun then why do you keep doing it?"

Ask yourself, "Do I spend a significant amount of my together time with my spouse defending my position and attempting to prove I'm right and my spouse is wrong?" Does the statement, "We can't talk about much because we end up in an argument" describe your marriage? If the answer to either statement is "Yes" then it is time to change the path you are. Here are three suggestions.

1. Remember the reasons you got married

When you were seriously dating, when you were engaged, and when you were first married, remember you couldn't wait to be with each other. Your eyes sparkled with admiration for each other. When most couples are asked the reasons they got married the answers are often, "I liked being with him/her, we had fun together, and I loved him/her." Remember that feeling and choose to keep it shining.

2. Learn to listen the same way you want to be heard

"I don't think I am being listened to and really heard" is a statement often made by an unhappy spouse. In therapy when one spouse makes that statement the other has a similar complaint. Most of us know what it is like to be listened to and heard and want that for ourselves. What makes this hard to do for each other? Are we too busy selling our point of view and trying to prove any other view wrong? Just imagine what it would be like to listen to your mate the way you want to be heard, then do it.

3. Have the joint goal to build your marriage

Competition pushes aside the goal of having a wonderful marriage. Remember you got married because you wanted to be together. When you have a problem ask each other, "How can we build our marriage and solve this problem together?" As you truly listen, you may find that your mate's approach has merit and can be used, or maybe the solution is a combination of both of your ideas. Sometimes the answer is discovered by considering both ideas and a new approach evolves. The strength you have together can allow you to work through any difficultly because your marriage recognizes and builds on the individual strengths of each other. Individually we each are capable, yet together we are the strongest.

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There are a few simple do's and don'ts that couples need to understand and act upon in order for their marriage to last. We'll start with the do's and end with a couple of don'ts.

Do get rid of the "if" factor

Couples need to dismiss any thought of wondering if their marriage will last. Instead, they need to be determined that it will and ask themselves, "How can we make our marriage last." Being committed to that goal is the first step in making it happen.

Do care more about pleasing your mate than yourself

That doesn't mean you don't take care of yourself, it's just means you pay more attention to what would please your mate. When you do that, an amazing thing happens. He or she feels loved, even cherished. Ralph Waldo Emerson explains this: "It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." Kindness and loving gestures toward your mate will come back to you. It's nature's compensation plan. It makes for a happy marriage.

Do compliment your spouse

These compliments need to be sincere, so look for the things you really like about your mate. Then, don't just think it, speak it. When you wife looks pretty, tell her. "Wow, you look gorgeous in that dress!" Or, "That was a really yummy dinner you fixed tonight." Or, "Love those muscles! You're the man!" or "Our kids are so lucky to have you for a daddy. That was so sweet the way you helped Jimmy when he fell." We all like compliments when they are genuine.

Do talk about what is troubling you

If something is in the more-than-a-little-annoying category, talk about it with your spouse. Maybe he's not hanging up his clothes and it's bugging you. Talk about a plan to keep your home neat, with both of you helping. Maybe it's that she's spending beyond the budget. Calmly sit down and make a financial plan together, without pointing an accusing finger in her face. That doesn't work. Try saying, "I'm concerned about our financial situation. Let's work together and make a plan." When couples face the issues that trouble them without letting them linger and fester then the marriage has a far greeter chance of succeeding.

Don't mention your spouse's faults to others

Talking negatively about your spouse to friends or family is a betrayal. If something's bothering you, forget about it, or talk to your spouse about it. Any kind of gossip is hurtful, but when it's about your mate it's like throwing a hand grenade into your relationship. Don't do it. The only exception is abuse: that needs to be reported.

Don't mentally focus on the negatives

We all have areas that need improvement. Look, instead, for the positives in your mate. When negative thoughts come into your mind regarding your spouse, replace them with something about him or her that you admire. It will chase the negative thought away every time.

If couples work on these simple dos and don'ts their marriage can't help but last. Not only will it last, it will be filled with happiness.

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Good questions allow people to communicate with mutual understanding. Poor questions are offensive, create a defensive attitude, and shut down the interchange of ideas and solutions with those you love. So how does one learn to ask good questions?

Examine your intent

First, carefully consider your intent. Are you truly seeking to understand the other person? Are you seeking information you don't have? Are you trying to prove your point by using "Gotcha" questions? Are you trying to give the other person some hidden message with the question? Your intent, which shows in your eyes, voice inflection, and body posture, will expose you well before your words do.

Second, look at the type of question you are asking because it will give you clues as to your intent. "Why" questions such as "Why did you come home so late?" are often indirect ways of saying "Defend yourself." Anyway, "why" questions are often pointless. The best proof of the usual negative effect of "why" questions is found in the typical answers such questions generate: "Cuz," "I don't know," or a shrug of the shoulders. You'll notice that "why" questions are usually coupled with the word "you" which results in focusing on the individual rather the event or happening.

Don't include answers in the question

Another type of problem question is the question that contains the answer. "You're feeling mad, aren't you?" "You really don't believe what you're saying, do you?" "You agree with me, don't you?"

When dealing with couples where either the husband or wife does this, the other mate often thinks, "There is no reason to answer because he really doesn't want to know. His mind is already made up and he doesn't want my opinion. All he wants is for me to say what he wants to hear. " A child's response to such questions is much the same. It's a go-nowhere kind of conversation.

For example, let's say your 12-year-old son comes home from school looking like a whipped pup. You ask what's wrong. He mopes around awhile and then it finally comes out, "I failed that math test." You knew he was going to have the test and the night before had reminded him several times to study, but he just kept putting it off, playing his video game instead. A litany of questions you'd like to ask flash through your mind: "Didn't I tell you you'd fail if you didn't study?" "Now do you see why it's important to study?" Or you might take a gentler approach and say, "Don't you think you would have done better if you had studied?"

None of these work. They are all demeaning. The only thing they do is convince your son that he's stupid, and he definitely doesn't need anymore convincing of that; his test grade did the job just fine. So what kind of question do you ask? Remember, not one with the answer in it.

Before you ask any question, do a little validating - walk with him emotionally without trying to fix anything. Put yourself in his shoes. Have you ever failed at anything? It's a rotten feeling. Give him a little hug and say something like, "It's an awful feeling to fail a test. I know, son, I've failed before myself." He will immediately be filled with unexplainable love for you. Let him share his disappointment, then ask, "What do you think will work next time?" Not "Don't you think you'll do better next time if you study?" That question has the answer in it. You might instead ask, "What do you think will work next time, son?" If he says, "I don't know," just say, "I'll bet you'll figure something out. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know." That shows trust and confidence. You can bet he's thinking, I'm going to study next time. However, if you say it, he'll resist doing it.

Asking the right questions helps others feel respected and valued. Keep in mind that the solution to a problem lies within the person who has the problem. By using the right questions we can help them discover the solutions. In the process, true communication happens and feelings of love and respect will grow.

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Some things very close to our hearts can so easily be taken for granted. A couple's marriage is one of those. Without careful attention, it can be pushed to the back burner. Like a delicious dish in the making, it needs to be stirred, tasted, flavored, and enjoyed.

With a bit of planning and effort couples can enrich their marriage by giving it little gifts throughout each day. Relationships flourish when tended to. Here are a few ideas to consider.

Gift #1: The gift of three-second kiss

Hugs and kisses matter, so give them to each other often. It's like infusing your marriage battery with a fresh charge.

Everything looks better after a tender hug and kiss from your spouse. Kisses need to be meaningful. Pecks don't do the job. Give it some passion. Linger a little longer. Let you mate know you're enjoying the kiss. A three-second kiss will send that message much more convincingly than a quarter-second peck.

Let your kids see you kissing and enjoying it. Even if they groan at the sight, don't let that influence you. Nothing makes children feel more secure than to see that their parents are in love with each other. Homes and marriages can be falling apart all around them, but when they know Mom and Dad really enjoy being married, then they know their family is secure.

Gift #2: The gift of adoring

Spoil each other every chance you get. We're not talking about expensive gifts or trips. We're talking about the simple everyday ways you can give your mate a little extra special treatment.

For instance, if you know your honey enjoys a cool refreshing beverage when he or she comes home, have it ready and waiting. You might also snuggle up on the sofa and watch your mate's favorite show together. One woman reported doing this with her husband, saying she wasn't one bit interested in the show he was watching, but did it anyway. Before long she was as engrossed in it as he was.

Another thing you can do is bring home your spouse's favorite treat now and then. Little surprises along the way can mean a lot. Think right now of ways you can spoil your sweetheart this very day.

Gift #3: The gift of sentiment

Take a walk down memory lane, together. Find a quiet place and just start remembering out loud. Talk about how you met and why you were attracted to each other. That can be very romantic and lots of fun. Talk about your honeymoon, or other trips you've enjoyed together. Share some of the sweet things you enjoy about each other and your kids. Avoid discussing controversial issues. Just have a good time remembering your life together. Sometimes looking back at a difficult time and realizing that you made it through is rewarding. Talk about the blessings you enjoy. Express your love and appreciation for each other.

As you do these three simple things, your marriage cannot help but put on a fresh glow and your feelings of love for each other and your family will increase.

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We all want to be happy. The good news is we are in control of making that happen. Here are a few ideas to consider:

1. Ditch the frowny face in the morning

If you are one of those who wakes up with a please-not-another-day-of-work attitude then you are indeed a candidate for an attitude make-over. Instead, smile and think, "I'm alive and get another day on this beautiful planet." Let your spouse, your family and your fellow workers see that happy face. Smiles are contagious and yours will put one on their faces.

2. Grab a pen and write 3 things you're grateful for

You'll be surprised how hard it is to write just three. By putting these feelings of gratitude on paper, you force your mind to see the good in life. You'll find yourself consciously recognizing more and more things you are grateful for. Doing so is a sure way to bring a little more happiness to your everyday life.

3. Blink away that critical eye when looking at your kids

We often only see and comment the faults in our children with remarks like: "He didn't do his homework." "She didn't feed the cat." Or "She's got too much makeup on." And the list goes on. If that's the case, stop it. Open your eyes and see the goodness in your kids. The more you comment on their virtues, the more they will reach for good.

4. Get the wax out of your ears and start listening

Especially to your family. Sit down with your child and say, "Tell me something fun that happened to you today." Or "If you could do anything in this world for fun, what would it be?" Then listen. If it's something completely outlandish, just enjoy it-without any criticism. A simple comment like, "Oh, that would be fun," will keep the conversation going. Some things are just fun to dream about out loud, especially with someone who loves you.

5. Put a cap on the amount of news you watch

News can be discouraging. Stories showcasing good in the world are hardly the norm for the news. It's the tragedies that capture the attention of reporters. Don't let negative stories rule your day. There is no need to see the same disheartening blather over and over. Move on to something more uplifting. Be choosey with your news viewing.

6. Tune into music that lifts and calms you

Music is powerful. Sheryl M. Ness, RN, said, "For relaxation ideas, find your favorite songs and take time to meditate. Let the music transport you to another place and time. Allow your mind to drift away to positive thoughts and memories. Close your eyes and take in the music around you; it will make you smile inside and out!"

Create a playlist of songs that calm, uplift and rejuvenate you. Play selection from this list at least a little every day. Add to it as you discover new songs that speak to you.

7. Find good friends and keep 'em

In her article, "Fifteen Reasons We Need Friends" Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. said, "When it comes to happiness, your friends are the key." One of those reasons is that "Close friends support you through thick and thin." We all need friends we can count on and have fun with.

8. Put on your shoes and go for a walk

Get out into nature, which may be nothing more than a walk in a neighborhood park, or going up and down your street. Walking clears your head and opens your eyes to the outside world. You can walk your way into a happier day. Try it with a friend and double your fun.

9. Stop comparing yourself to others

You are your own barometer. You know what you need to change. And it doesn't have anything to do with wanting to be someone else. Be excited about being you. Set a goal or two and work to achieve it. If you did a little better today than yesterday, you're on your way. Happiness is all wound up in feeling good about who you are.

Find the good in yourself. Even say the words in your mind or in front of the mirror, "I fixed a darn good meal for my family today." Or "I handled that client well and I'm proud of myself for it." Give yourself a pat on the back whenever you deserve it. Notice the many times you actually do deserve it.

10. Thank the good Lord above for giving you one more day

What a blessing to be alive. Thank God for this glorious gift of life. Ask Him to help you make it the best and happiest it can be. He'll be there for you because He loves you. Now that's a happy thought all on its own.

This little Disney tune, "Put One Foot In Front of the Other" may give you the push you need to make the needed changes in your life.

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These suggestions are not resolutions, they are simply ideas to consider adopting into your routine. They can be easily incorporated into your everyday life. They are the kind of actions that will bring peace and contentment to you and brighten the lives of others around you.

1. Greet God every morning with a prayer of gratitude

2. Smile more at loved ones and strangers

3. Be kind while driving, and forgive others when they are inconsiderate of you

4. Listen to more music that uplifts you

5. Read the comics section of the newspaper

6. Watch just enough news to be informed, but not so much that you become burdened with it

7. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and assume they are struggling with their own problems

8. Forgive someone who has offended you

9. Forgive yourself for mistakes you've made

10. Call your mom and dad and tell them you love them

11. Call your sister and tell her you're thinking of her

12. Call your brother and ask how he's doing

13. Tell your boss you appreciate the opportunity to work for her/him

14. Compliment a co-worker

15. Be grateful you have a job and notice the things you like about it

16. Give a stranger a compliment while standing in line

17. Tell a struggling young mother that you admire her patience

18. Tell the parents of a baby that their little one is adorable

19. Pay for a single mom's meal at lunch time-anonymously

20. Pay your bills on time and feel the relief

21. Thank the mail person for delivering your mail

22. Breathe deeply and feel the renewal it brings

23. Eat more vegetables

24. Eat more fruit-try some new ones

25. Drink more water

26. Read a few passages from your Bible before going to sleep

27. Go to church

28. Memorize a passage of scripture that particularly uplifts you

29. Memorize the first and last verses of the national anthem

30. Fly the flag on national holidays and be grateful for a great nation

31. Plan a weekend getaway with your spouse, and follow through

32. Surprise your spouse with his or her favorite candy bar

33. Tell your husband you think he is still heart-throbbing handsome, or your wife that she's still drop-dead gorgeous

34. Read a story to your children

35. Kiss your kids goodnight and tell them you love them

36. Listen to your teenager as he or she babbles on about what matters to her

37. Go to a game or concert where your child or grandchild is participating

38. Praise your child for something he or she did well

39. Tell your mother what a terrific grandchild she has, within ear shot of that child

40. Thank your child's teachers for all they do

41. Visit a sick neighbor

42. Take a simple meal to a homebound neighbor, then stay and eat with them

43. Give blood to the Red Cross

44. Read a good book and recommend it to friends who also might enjoy it.

45. Watch a funny movie and enjoy a few belly laughs

46. Write in your journal-it's therapeutic

47. Apologize to someone in your family you may have offended

48. Send an email of gratitude to a public servant, your local fire department or police force

49. Tell someone in the military that you appreciate their service

50. Take a walk and notice what a beautiful world we live in

51. Recognize yourself as good person and stop being so hard on yourself

52. Snuggle with your spouse every chance you get

53. Tell your husband that you love him, or your wife that you love her

54. Thank your spouse for the little things he/she does for you

55. Say a prayer each night and thank God for all He does for you

When you make a habit of these suggestions, you are bound to have the best year you've had in a long time. 2017 may well be your happiest year ever.

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Christmas is a joyful time of year. However, losing a loved one changes everything. Earlier this year our dear teen-aged grandson passed away. Just when I think I'm coming to grips with the loss of this beloved child, Christmas hits me head on. It hits hardest when I check my Christmas list and prepare gifts for our 20 grandchildren. I always keep last year's list to refer to and remember what I did one Christmas ago.

I see his name, and I realize he won't be part of my list this year. Only 19 grandchildren to give a gift to. Oh, how I want it to be 20 again! I want to see his sweet face and hear the kind words he always gives us when opening his gift from us, "Thank you, Grandma and Grandpa. I love you." He never failed to say this and I will miss it terribly. I feel a hole in my heart that tears are trying to fill up. Then I realize it isn't tears that will fill it up and I catch a glimpse of what will. I know what I must do.

1. Remember why we celebrate Christmas

Christ was born! He lived a perfect life of love for us. Then He died for us. And rose from the tomb that we could live again with Him. Not only with Him but with our dear loved ones who have passed on. He did that for us! Knowing this brings me great comfort and joy.

2. Place a nativity scene where all the family can enjoy it

As you place that tiny baby in the manger, do as a friend of ours said she does. "I hold that holy baby close to my heart and thank Him. Then I place it in the manger." Nativities can remind us of the glorious gift God gave to us.

3. Do an act of service for someone

In fact, do one every day until Christmas. It helps you feel the love that only giving to others can give. It can be as simple as calling someone you think may be lonely and brighten her day. When you hear the words, "Oh, thank you. Your call means so much to me," you will feel a filling of that hole in your heart.

A young mother told us of her desire to do a good deed for someone. She talked to her husband and children about it and asked them to be aware of what they might be able to do. The next day, when they were to work on doing something for someone else she had to have a minor surgery. She had promised the children that they would go out to lunch and talk about it that very day and wanted to keep that promise. Though she didn't feel the best she was determined to not ruin their opportunity to be together and discover a deed they could do for someone.

While they were eating, a stranger came to their table and said, "You have a beautiful family. They are so well behaved. I admire you." Then he quickly left. She said he obviously hadn't seen the children poking at each other. When they went to pay for their meal the server said, "Oh, it's been taken care of. The man you were talking to paid for it." She was so touched that in their quest to do something kind for someone the tables had been turned and the deed was done to them instead. The whole family felt the spirit of Christmas by this gesture of kindness.

4. Cherish the loved ones you still have

Sometimes grief can rob the living of the love they need from you. Think of their needs. Remember, they are mourning, too. Do something that shows you are thinking of them. Maybe make a batch of gingerbread cookies and share them. Even sing a few carols as you deliver them to family and friends. If you have young ones around, let them help. It can create a memory that is heart-healing.

Most of all, put your arms around these dear ones and tell them you love them. Let them see a smile on your face that witnesses how happy you are to have them in your life.

5. Take time to talk about memories of your departed loved one

Let other family members share their memories, too. Some will be funny as you remember a crazy thing that dear one did. Laughing makes everyone feel better. Remembering makes us all feel safe in holding close the love we have for the one who is no longer there. You might want to hang a special ornament on the tree with your loved one's name on it.

6. Look to the future and be comforted that there is a future

In her book Healing After Loss Martha Whitmore Hickman said, "Maybe I can relinquish my 'white knuckle' grip on life, and trust that all will be well."

You can have a joyful Christmas even in the midst of mourning. Along with these 6 ways, praying can help make that happen. Feeling and expressing gratitude to God for having had this precious person in your life can bring a joy all its own.

We wish you a Merry Christmas! And we mean that with all our hearts.

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Before you men get your noses out of joint, be assured that the follow-up article to this will be about the stupid things wives do. But for now, it's about you. Pay attention, husbands, and you just might discover a few things that could make your marriage better than you dreamed possible. Hold on tight, we're about to take off on what might be a painful journey of realization. On the other hand, you might be one of the good guys who doesn't fit this mold. If you are, your wife is a lucky woman. Either way, we hope you'll go through this list and see where you fit. Good luck. Here we go:

1. You don't appreciate what your wife does

You work hard but fail to recognize all your wife does. She works hard, too. Start noticing. If she's employed and contributing to the family income, express your gratitude for her contribution. Look around your house and notice things that get done. There is no magical genie that does it-it's your wife. If she's fortunate enough to be at home with the kids, express your gratitude for that. It's not an easy job but is vitally important to the welfare of your kids. Start noticing and let her know you're noticing.

2. You don't thank your wife

Maybe you do look around and see what she does but fail to let your wife know that you are noticing. Open your mouth and let those "Thank you, honey" comments out. Thinking them and not expressing them falls into the stupid category. The only way she will know you are grateful for what she does is if she hears the words.

And be specific. Don't just say, "Good job, honey." That's lame. If she's good at budgeting the family funds, tell her what a good money manager she is and how much you appreciate her. When you see her folding the laundry, tell her thanks for taking care of the family clothes. When you see her helping your children with their homework, say, "Thanks for helping the kids, honey. They're lucky to have a mom like you." Whatever it is, be specific when you thank her.

3. You don't pitch in

It's great to thank your wife, but it's even better to follow up by pitching in and helping her. While you're thanking her for taking care of the laundry, help fold the clothes and match those errant socks. Then help put them away, enlisting the kids help. Be the helpful parent who also sits with the kids as they work out their math problems or other homework.

Look around and see what needs to be done around home. You're not one of the kids who needs to be assigned a task. This is your home, too. Take responsibility in seeing what needs to be done and do it. If your wife makes a special request, do it as soon as you can. An unfulfilled to-do list will only grow and cause irritation in a marriage.

4. You think the money is yours because you earned it

Once you marry, your income becomes the family income. You need to work with your wife in planning how it is to be spent. Your opinion about it is not the only one that matters. Hers is of equal value. Together you can work on a plan that fulfills not only the family's needs, but hers and yours. When she knows you respect and acknowledge her needs she will return the favor.

5. You don't apologize when you've done something hurtful

It's a wise man who learns how to say "I'm sorry" and really mean it. For less serious indiscretions this will usually do the trick. However, if it's a serious transgression it will take far more than one apology. To know you are truly repentant she needs to hear you asking for her forgiveness and expressing your sorrow for your actions several times. What she doesn't need to hear is "I said I'm sorry. What more do you want?" That shows insensitivity on your part. Be patient while her heart heals. And above all, make no excuse for your misbehavior. Show your apology is sincere by never doing the hurtful thing again.

6. You stick yourself in front of the TV and stay there

It's OK to watch a little television, but when you do it at the expense of your wife and kids, that doesn't work. They need your interaction. They need you to be present in body and mind. Ask them questions about their day and listen. Look at them when they talk to you. If you're staring at the boob-tube while their sharing thoughts with you that shows them that you don't really care. Shut off the TV and turn around. Be with them. That's how they and your wife know you care.

7. You don't talk much

Being the strong silent type isn't appealing. Don't be one of those men who won't take at least a few minutes and share your thoughts with your wife. She needs to hear about your day. If you've had a hard day tell her about it. She doesn't need to fix anything. She just needs to know what you're going through and give you the loving support you need, whether you acknowledge that need or not. If you had a great day let her know what made it great. Sharing and rejoicing together is how love grows. Open up your mouth and contribute to a conversation with the one you love.

These are only a few things to help you be the man of your woman's dreams. Now is the time to eliminate the stupid and make her dreams come true.

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