Although Lydia is very young, she has already experienced uncontrollable seizures, two brain surgeries, peripheral vision impairment, and when she lost her ability to eat she got a feeding tube surgically placed. Even after all of that, she is still universally delayed and cannot walk or talk, and she continues to have seizures.

For us, Lydia's medical needs are a crisis, but crises come in myriad of shapes and sizes. For some, the loss of a job, or the death of a loved one tips their world upside down. For others, it may be the betrayal of a spouse or grinding poverty that shakes reality.

No matter what the source of a crisis, remembering these things can help you draw closer to God at the time when you need him most.

1. God has not abandoned you

It is easy to feel like no one understands the true depth of your pain and that heaven does not care. But that is not true. God loves you and has not abandoned you despite your desperate circumstances. Some of his most loved servants constantly faced difficult situations. Joseph of Egypt was kidnapped by his brothers, sold into slavery, and then imprisoned before things eventually started looking up for him. Do not despair when things go terribly wrong.

2. You are not being punished, but you may be being shaped

It would be naive to think that all of our crises are spontaneous - we usually have at least a small part to play in their development. But it would be equally silly to think that your crisis is a punishment from God. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. And sometimes bad things happen to the rest of us to give us the chance to grow into being good people.

3. Choose whether your crisis will make you harsher or kinder

Use this hardship to grow into something beautiful. In our house we have a sign that says, "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly." It is completely optional to learn from your trials and to have an open heart; and because it's not mandatory many people don't choose to travel that road. They become embittered and cynical.

One day when I returned home from an exhausting trip from the hospital with Lydia a friend commented how tired she was because her child had a minor illness. I almost shot out a biting comment loaded with sarcasm for that "poor mother" but I caught myself in time. I vowed right then that I would never belittle another's pain just because it didn't seem to "equal" mine. I promised myself that I would have more empathy for mothers who were worried about their children and not to one up them or ridicule their heartache.

Choosing to have an open, loving heart will allow you to better love others, and it will allow you to better receive love from others even in times of great distress.

4. See the good all around you, even in the thick of hard times

It's easy to let the crisis become the center of attention, and sometimes rightly so. But it's also important to come up for air.

There is God-given beauty, life and joy all around us, but we have to set aside our worries and fears long enough to enjoy them. If you are having a hard time seeing the good around you, try keeping a gratitude journal, spend more time in nature, serve someone outside of your home, or listen to uplifting music.

5. Tell God everything - the horrible, angry, fearful things as well as about the small successes and the simple pleasures of your day. Prayer and meditation are one of the most important things you can do for your well-being during a time of crisis. You may feel conflicting emotions simultaneously. You may feel and act in ways that are not up to your normal level of behavior. God wants to hear about all of it - the good, the bad and the ugly. He cares about the minutia of your life, and he wants to get you through the ugly, celebrate with you the good, and help you change the bad. So just lay it out there. He really is listening. I promise.

6. Read the scriptures daily

Prayer is how we speak to God. The scriptures are how he speaks to us. Words of comfort and guidance to make it through your crisis are within the pages of the scriptures. If you turn to them, God will give you personal insight into your problems through the lives of his followers in former times. Memorize a favorite scripture that brings you comfort and draw upon it when you are feeling particularly low.

7. It will not last forever

Although some trials may last longer than others, no crisis lasts forever. That's because this life is not the sum total of our existence. At some point, things we suffer here will be made right. Betrayals will be paid for. Broken bodies will be fixed. Broken hearts will be mended. Until then, take a deep breath and remember that everything will be alright in the end - if it's not alright, it's not the end.

When we turn to God in times of crisis, our burdens are lifted, and we are able to keep going and keep growing.

The post 7 ways to come closer to God during a crisis appeared first on FamilyToday.

Hilary Ferguson, a former math teacher and mother of four knows all about it. "The hardest part of having a child with special needs is the worry, the broken heart, the mourning for the life you had hoped to live, and the constant caring that a parent gives," she says. "Where a typically developing child will constantly achieve milestones that get them more and more independent, a child with disabilities is not progressing at such a rapid rate to that independence."

Read on to discover wisdom other mothers of children with disabilities have used to turn their trial into a blessing.

Let yourself grieve

Grieving for the loss of the future you thought you were going to share with your child is heart wrenching. For Jodie Palmer, a mother of a daughter who has cerebral palsy, admitting your grief is paramount in overcoming it. "What helps me through the process of grieving is not running from the pain. Not telling myself stories about it to try to justify it, or rationalize it, or make it go away."

Palmer also tries, "to recognize that it's visiting my heart." She says, "I feel the sorrow, and I let it be there even when it hurts so badly. Because, and I promise that this happens, when I don't run away from the pain, it teaches me, it strengthens me, it softens me, and then it moves on. And on the other side, I'm stronger, more joyful, and more compassionate to others. This is one of the great gifts my daughter has brought to my life."

Watch your emotional health

Though Palmer understands one has to give great care and attention to children with disabilities, she is quick to warn that parents need to be watchful of their own emotional well-being during the first few years after the birth of a child with a disability. All of the stress both emotional and economic that surround the birth of a child with special needs can create what Palmer calls, "a set up for the perfect storm."

"I had all of the classic symptoms of what's called Postpartum Mood Disorder," Palmer says. "I was depressed, unusually emotional, filled with extreme anxiety and fear, and had running 'what if' thoughts about my daughter and husband being hurt or dying."

Take care of yourself

The kind of demanding, and some would say consuming, care for children with disabilities can lead to caregiver's fatigue where the parent needs help as much as the child with special needs does. Elizabeth Hill, a writer and mother of four children one of which has cerebral palsy, knows about the tenuous balancing act required of parents of children with disabilities.

When Hill starts feeling overwhelmed, she tries to remember the disability is her daughter's to face first and foremost. "Yes, it stinks," Hill says. "Yes I wouldn't wish cerebral palsy on anyone, but it's here and it's here to stay. So, we manage and I'm training her to manage it"ĶI also exercise, eat well and find things that I enjoy. I can't help her if I'm sick or worried sick. I surround her with people I trust so I don't have to worry when she's at school or at a friend's house."

For Ferguson, the balance between caring for your child with special needs, your other children, your spouse and yourself is more tricky. "I haven't avoided caregiver's fatigue really," she says. "I love my child and I would do anything for him, despite being exhausted. "

Find support

Perhaps the greatest source of support for parents of children with disabilities is networking through support groups either online or live. Palmer advises, "I'd like to say that it's OK to take time for just you and your child, and not feel like you have to connect to a network of some sort right away, if that's what feels right to you now.

"However, there came a point when I felt a need to connect to other parents with special needs kids," Palmer continues. "All of the most helpful advice has come from parents. I've learned not to wait for our doctors or therapists to tell me what I need to know about my child. I've had to take a serious advocacy roll and do lots of my own research and connecting with other parents. Recently I've discovered a wealth of support on the Internet. Facebook is a particularly helpful resource to find networks of support."

Forgive yourself

Although caring for yourself and finding a network for you and your child while you grow together to cope with this new challenge is important, it is also important to forgive yourself for the things you wish you could provide for your child but can't. "Mother guilt" is more potent when you are truly trying your hardest and still feel like you're still not measuring up.

Says Palmer, "A friend of mine recently articulated the same feeling when she expressed fear that when she met her own special needs daughter in heaven, her daughter would be so disappointed about how much her mother didn't do for her. Another woman responded, with tears in her eyes, saying, 'No, no ... your daughter will run to you, and fall into your arms, weeping with gratitude for everything you did for her, because she will have full knowledge then of the true nature of your challenges as a mother.' That thought has been a great comfort to my heart, as I grapple with my desires to be more and do more, and how short I feel I'm falling. My advice for "mother guilt" is to just be gentle, be kind, and be patient with yourself. You're really doing a great thing, the most important thing - loving this child."

The post Dealing with the disability of your child appeared first on FamilyToday.

Jo Olivarez, a mother of four who has experienced both hospital and home birth, wishes women could be empowered during pregnancy and labor, not afraid and dependent on a single group's opinion. "Not every birth should be at home and not every birth needs all the interventions provided at a hospital," she says. "Having professionals who understand how a normal uninterrupted birth should progress makes all the difference no matter where you are."

For her, home birth is preferable. According to Olivarez, the best part of having a home birth was, "laying back against my husband with a fresh newborn still attached by a still pulsing umbilical cord, unwashed against my skin, in my bed where he was most likely created." She also said she enjoyed the quiet as everyone who was part of the labor gazed at her new baby.

Olivarez has some advice for mothers looking to find a qualified medical professional: "Just as you interview and require certain levels of education for your child's care, you must do the same for a midwife. You must know the different types, their education, their years of practice, what obstacles they have experienced during labor, what their attitude is during stress, and if you even like them."

Choosing the Type of Birth for Your Baby

If you're trying to decide between a home and hospital birth, an important question may be, "What kind of health care provider do I want with me when I deliver my child?"

Home Birth Care Providers

Direct Entry Midwives or Certified Professional Midwives (CPM) advocate a natural experience and deliver exclusively in homes or birth centers. They train under the supervision of other midwives by observing births and aiding in them while completing academic course work. They complete clinic time as well as a national skills test and a written exam in order to qualify as CPMs. They may or may not have a degree in this field.

Lay midwives also deliver at home and may be highly trained or self taught. Unlike other midwives, lay midwives learned their skills independent of a licensing agency or formal education.

Hospital Birth Care Providers

Obstetricians (OB/GYN) are medical doctors who specialize in women's health and delivering babies. They carry malpractice insurance, can perform cesarean sections (C-sections), and deliver exclusively in hospitals. Their greatest concern is aiding mother and baby safety by using any medical methods necessary. They often work with mothers who request pain medication during delivery or who have high-risk pregnancies.

Certified Nurse Midwives (CNM) earn Bachelor's degrees in nursing and then continue on to receive their Master's degrees as nurse practitioners with an emphasis in midwifery. CNMs, like all nurse practitioners, are able to prescribe medication including pain relief during labor. They usually work under an OB/GYN who can assist them if a C-section is needed. Flansburg explains that CNMs can deliver babies at home, but need their consulting physician in agreement with the labor and birth plan. Flansburg says, "Most CNM's deliver in hospitals or birth centers, due to restrictions from malpractice insurance companies or because of conflict of interest with their employers," the OB/GYNs.

Labor Coaches

Doulas are labor coaches who support mothers during birth. Doulas may work in either home or hospital settings to ease discomfort and aid the parents, but they provide no medical services. They create a more relaxing environment and help mothers cope with the journey of labor wherever they choose to deliver.

Nicki Hope, a monitrice doula and student midwife earning her CPM, admits that in the beginning of her training as a doula, homebirth, seemed extremely radical. "I had never met anyone that had a homebirth," she says, "and I didn't even consider it for myself. I was becoming very passionate about choice and education about birth options, though."

But through her experiences as a doula and her current training as a CPM, her perspective of home birth and midwives has shifted. "Midwives are actually highly trained professionals and they bring emergency equipment with them, just in case," Hope explains. "We get to know our clients very well throughout the pregnancy, so most problems are solved or referred for physician care before labor ever begins. But for those rare occasions where something does happen, midwives are trained to handle things like 'slow to breathe' babies, hemorrhage, etc. Midwives also have a plan for transfer to the hospital if that becomes necessary."

Flansburg became a CNM seventeen years ago. "I had delivered a few babies-unintentionally-while working as a labor and delivery RN. I enjoyed it. I liked being an advocate for women and infants." However, she prefers hospital births. "I have seen babies die who could have been saved if they would have delivered in a hospital."

While both hospital and home birth pose different challenges and different models of care, both also provide unique experiences and a once in a lifetime memory-the birth of your child. Regardless of what decision you make the most important part is to make a decision that's right for you.

The post Home births vs. hospital births appeared first on FamilyToday.