Once upon a time, before my life began to revolve around naps and then homework and now carpools, I studied some fascinating stuff about families while pursuing my Masters degree at Harvard (that diploma on my wall is mostly useful these days for reminding my kids that I actually DO know a thing or two"¦).

Recently, I decided it would be interesting to re-read one of my favorite books from that period of my life. It's called "The Shelter of Each Other" and it's by NYTimes bestselling author Mary Pipher. "The Shelter of Each Other" offers lots of great insights into how to build a happy family or create a happy family out of an unhappy one. The book was really interesting to me when I first read it. But the book means much more to me now that I'm actually in the midst of trying to build my own family.

In the book, the author shares case studies of families a couple generations ago and modern-day families. It's interesting to see some of the things our society seems to have lost and some of the things we've gained. It's also interesting to compare the big hard issues main-stream families dealt with long ago with the big hard issues main-stream families face today.

But the part of the book that struck me the most was this part:

Pipher is meeting with a family in crisis. The mom is depressed and works long hours. The dad seems addicted to the Internet and can't seem to kick his smoking habit. Their 18-year-old daughter is a perfectionist recovering from anorexia. Their 14-year-old daughter is downright mean to everyone in the family and has problems with drugs and alcohol. Their 10-year-old son is lonely and mercilessly teased at school and wants to play video games constantly. They don't feel at all connected with each other and consider themselves a totally dysfunctional family. They have the desire for a strong, happy family. But they don't really know how to get from where they are to where they want to be. So they're willing to try just about anything that Pipher suggests.

The solution

In thinking about how this family could heal itself, Pipher says, "This family needed more nourishing activities. As adults, people remember three kinds of family events with great pleasure - meals, vacations and time outdoors. I wanted this family to have some memories."

Based on this need she identified, Pipher said this to the family:

"I"m going to make a couple of radical suggestions here. One is that you turn off the television and computer for at least a couple of nights a week, and two, that the family do something out of doors every week together. Watch a sunset, go for a walk, or take a trip to a wilderness area."

The family in the book took Pipher's suggestions. They went on walks and hikes (even though some people hated it at first) and found that conversations came naturally and the fresh air and varied scenery just felt good. They played board games, read and actually talked to each other during their no-screen evenings. Over the next few months, while they still had plenty of issues to work through, their relationships were strengthened, they started to enjoy being around each other, and some of their problems seemed to dissipate.

When we put it to the test

In our family, we work hard to maintain screen-time boundaries for our kids. They can have a little computer time after finishing homework and family work (chores) and they only watch some limited TV on weekends. But I'm realizing my husband and I need to have some screen-free evenings after the kids are in bed to enhance our relationship (after a long day, it's so easy to get sucked into emails or TV shows). So we've decided to keep two evenings a week screen-free from here on out.

As far as outdoor time, we've always loved hiking and biking together on weekends and after-dinner walks around the neighborhood were part of our routine for quite a while. But I've realized that lately, as we've had more extracurricular activities to get to in the evenings, our after-dinner walks have dwindled to nothing. And as our weekends have been filled up with soccer games and home-improvement projects, hiking and biking excursions haven't happened much.

Last week, after reading Pipher's advice, we went on a family hike and made it out on a couple quick after-dinner walks. Getting people out the door isn't easy, but it's worth it. Everyone's just a little nicer and life feels better when we get some outdoor time - even a quick walk around the block seems to help.

Whether our families are in crisis or not, Pipher's simple do-able ideas for nourishing our relationships and building memories can be applied with real success.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Power of Moms. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

The post 2 simple ways to nourish family life appeared first on FamilyToday.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Power of Moms. It has been republished here with permission.

What do you see in this photo?

I walked past this scene the other day and it brought me joy. The flowers looked so pretty lit up by the sun and I love the old windows in my 1880's house. I rarely have fresh flowers but these flowers were given to me at a speech I did and they've lasted amazingly long and have brightened my days. My camera was sitting right there so I snapped a photo. When I looked at the photo, I realized there were a lot of not-so-pretty things in the picture. When you looked at this photo, did you notice the messy papers and piles? What about the chips and scratches on the table? Did you notice how dirty the window are in the background? What about those snowflakes the kids made that have been up there for a couple months and should probably come down? Did you notice how close our neighbor's house is right through those windows? (Luckily we love our neighbors but I do wish they'd thought to put just a few more feet between these houses "¦ )

Looking at the good, the bad and the ugly in my photo got me thinking. I'm happy when I notice and celebrate and focus on the beauty and goodness that is always to be found in life. I'm happy when I choose not to dwell on the imperfections and hard stuff.

As I think back on this past weekend, I choose to focus on the coziness and tastiness and fun of making cookies with the kids while beautiful snow fell all afternoon on Saturday - rather than focusing on the big spilled oatmeal mess the kids made as part of our cookie-making and the way the older boys whined about shoveling the driveway. I choose to focus on the excitement and accomplishment the kids and I felt as we stood back and admired their rooms after a thorough cleaning and rearranging - rather than the frustrating moments when the kids got off-task during the process.

I choose to focus on how sweet one of my older boys was as he played with some little kids we were babysitting the other day - rather than the fact that he just brought home some disappointing grades. I choose to focus on how nice it was to watch a movie snuggled between my kids with a couple of them trading off giving me little neck massages (they know the way to my heart!) and my oldest offering great commentary on the movie rather than focusing on one child's extreme grumpiness about our movie choice. I choose to focus on how my husband fixed a leak in the basement and did umpteen other really helpful and kind things for me and for the kids rather than focusing on a couple things he did or didn't do this week that made me feel a little bit invisible.

Happiness is all about where I place my focus

This isn't exactly a brand new idea. And it's not so easy to focus on the positive when the negative is bearing down upon you or your mind just isn't feeling all that open to happy thoughts. But really, we can find beauty and happiness in just about any situation - if we look hard enough.

The post What do you focus on? appeared first on FamilyToday.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Power of Moms. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

My parents are very deliberate parents. They choose to have nine children and worked hard to raise us to be best friends. And now we live all over the country but crave each others' company and really want our children to know and love each other. So yearly family reunions are a high priority for all of us.

When we were young, we got together for several days each summer with my cousins and aunts and uncles at my parents' little 2-room cabin near a lake. Everyone brought tents and trailers and we had a great time playing in the water, catching lizards, and putting on talent shows. Then as my siblings and cousins started getting married and our numbers swelled, we started gathering with just my siblings and our spouses and children at a larger cabin my parents built by the lake. We gradually evolved from my parents taking the lead with planning the activities and agenda for the reunion, to each sibling and their spouse taking a turn doing the planning.

Whether you've got a small family or a large family, whether you gather for a few hours or several days, whether you've got a good-sized budget or a tiny one, here are three keys we came up with for creating a successful family reunion:

1. Clear responsibilities and expectations

It's really important to spread out responsibilities and make sure responsibilities are clearly defined so no one feels too put-upon and the important things get done. Here's what works for us:

Leadership

One couple is in charge of the overall reunion each year. They make food assignments, put together a schedule, and assign others to conduct the specific activities that will go on during the reunion. To keep things simple, we just go in order of age when it comes to which family is in charge of the reunion each year (but of course, families can trade years if need be).

Meals

Each family is assigned a meal or two to plan and prepare. Many families opt to make the same meal every year and everyone looks forward to that family's specialty. Others like to try something new every year. Some like to do something more gourmet while others like to keep it simple. Whoever's around pitches in to help the family in charge with the chopping and prepping involved in their meal and great chats naturally happen during meal prep. Everyone's in charge of their own breakfasts since everyone likes to get up at different times. Then we do lunch and dinner together.

Expenses

Every family handles expenses for reunions differently based on their financial situation and overall giving philosophies. My parents help with travel expenses for those who live far away from our reunion location. When it comes to food, my parents pay for all the food that can be bought at Costco for the 4 days of the actual reunion and we each pay for the food we need for our meals that can't be purchased at Costco. My parents provide the location (our family cabin they've had for 30+ years) and the cabin's upkeep is paid for by renters who enjoy the cabin during the parts of the summer when no family is using it.

Clean-up

The grandkids are assigned to groups based on their ages for activities and for clean-up duties. After each meal, one group does dishes, one sweeps, one clears and wipes countertops and tables while assigned adults supervise as needed. There's also a list of extra jobs that the grandkid groups can do to earn stars (clean a bathroom, vacuum a room, put away all the beach toys, etc.). At the end of the reunion, the group with the most stars gets a special prize (a special outing on the boat, a chance to have a sleep-over on the deck, that sort of thing).

2. Good balance between structured and unstructured activities

When we started having formal reunions, my dad planned a whole lot of discussions of interesting and important topics with some waterskiing and playing in the water in between meetings. But as the babies came along the logistics of formal discussions just weren't feasible and as we grew up and in-laws came along, everyone brought fun, new ideas to the table. We've found that 2 to 3 games/activities/meetings a day (about an hour each) works quite well. Daytime activities and games involve the kids and then by 9, all kids need to be in bed and we have time for adult discussions and fun games.

3. Traditions

While some group activities come and go based on the year and who's in charge of the reunion, these simple, inexpensive and fun activities have become time-honored favorites:

Bonfire and Reunion Playlist

The first night of the reunion, we have a bonfire on the beach. We make s'mores and sometimes we go around the circle and quickly share our favorite moment from the past year or something like that. At the bonfire, the "Reunion Playlist" is always unveiled.

Before the reunion, each person (adults and kids alike) submit their favorite song from the past year to the reunion leaders (or their designated music chairs) who make a playlist (we get everything from country music to techno to classical to folk - great to learn to appreciate things outside the music we might usually listen to). At the bonfire, we play each song and everyone guesses whose song it is. If there's a particular reason why they chose that song, they can share that. Then, throughout the reunion, it's great to have the playlist going, everyone playing and dancing and cooking to everyone's favorite songs. Then after the reunion throughout the year, the reunion playlist is something fun to listen to in the car or around the house, reminding us of all the people we love. We're all really into music so this tradition really works for us.

Fear Factor

We've done this for two years now and I think it's a keeper. The couple in charge gets some really weird foods (all fully safe to eat) and all the grandkids who who want to participate have things like seaweed, canned squid, lemons, canned jumbo mushrooms, sardines, etc., placed in front of them. If they eat the food in front of them in 2 minutes or less, they get to go on to the next round. Kids get little prizes for making it through each round and the kid who eats the item in question the fastest in the last round is the winner of a grand prize of a $15 Amazon gift certificate or something like that. Sure, some kids get a little sad when they can't quite eat the item in question and get "out," but they quickly join in the watching and cheering and it all works out great.

Talent Show

Every year we have a talent show. Everyone's welcome to put their name or their group's name on the sign-up sheet but no one has to participate. Numbers have to be 2 minutes or less and no one can participate in more than two numbers (got to keep the length of the show under control). We get everything from lip synchs to piano solos to back flips to funny skits to playing a video they've created. It's a great chance for cousins to work together on something and a fun way to showcase talents and interests.

Family Relay

Quite a few family members have participated in Ragnar-style relay races in the past few years so our reunion organizers created our own family relay race. They put us on 6 or 7-person teams that had a "real" runner or two on each plus quite a few non-runners and little kids. We "raced" for 12 miles and everyone on the team ran the distance that worked for them while the rest of their team trailed along in their team car. And once everyone on the team had the chance to run, we started over, letting each team member run again. Some people ran a few miles. Some people ran about 100 yards. And everyone cheered each other on whole-heartedly with our reunion music blaring. It was so much fun!

Discussions

As we prepare food or sit on the beach with little kids playing in the sand at our feet, we talk. We make a point of getting a little one-on-one time with most everyone at some point during the reunion and enjoy learning about the things each other is worried about, excited about, working on, etc.

Hopefully the ideas here offer some food for thought as you think about the family you're working to create right now and what that family might look like down the road a ways.

The post 3 keys to a great family reunion appeared first on FamilyToday.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Power of Moms. It has been republished here with permission.

This has been a crazy week.

We've had conflicting events involving family members pretty much every evening; one son has needed tons of help with homework every afternoon while the neighbors keep coming over to play; I'm still unpacking a few boxes from our recent move and the pictures leaning against the walls are crying out to be hung; a daughter developed a weird rash that required setting up and squeezing in a doctor's appointment; we've got major projects needing attention at The Power of Moms; no one could find clean clothes to wear to school today because laundry time hasn't materialized this week; and, to top it all off, tonight is the Cub Scout Pinewood Derby, and three kids have three cars that need to be finished before 6:30 p.m. - plus the big boys are really excited about going to meet a professional basketball player from our local NBA team with with their basketball team during the Derby.

But you know what? I went into this week knowing it would be hard. It's turning out pretty much how I expected. My husband and I worked on the schedule last Sunday and figured out how to juggle the conflicting stuff but realized there were going to be some tight connections and some lateness and some things we'd just have to miss.

I knew the kids would be really grumpy yesterday after a family party that went late the night before so I cut them some slack.

I decided that I'm only going to get to the most urgent things on my Power of Moms list this week - the rest can wait.

I know tonight may not work out great, I figured we could do our best to get the boys' cars in the earlier heats of the Pinewood Derby and that might allow us to still make it to the NBA Player Appearance. But when I told the boys about this plan, they responded that they didn't care that much about the player appearance which was a very good piece of information to have. We won't bother trying to get over there!

It'll all be OK. And "OK" will feel fine because I'm not expecting "great."

And you know what? Next week will be a little crazy too. I work to cut out what is superfluous - but, still, five school-age children and two businesses plus a lot of community and church involvement means lots of work, plenty of running around and quite a few surprises. I chose all this. I accept that these choices will result in some periodic craziness. And I've found that acceptance takes me a long way toward happiness.

Every stage of motherhood offers different facts that we need to accept

When we have newborns, we have to accept interrupted sleep. When we have babies who spit up a lot, we can't expect to have pristine clothes. When we have stubborn 2 year olds, we must accept that there will be tantrums as they learn to accept that they can't always have their way. When we have grade-schoolers, we need to accept that homework time will be crazy when everyone needs help at once. And no matter how old our kids are, we need to accept that grocery shopping with our kids will likely be quite chaotic.

As we accept the facts of our own stage of motherhood, our own circumstances and our individual children, we don't have to add surprise and frustration to the already difficult situations we encounter each day.

We can go into a lot of situations prepared

When we wake up to a newborn's wails, we can think, "Yep, time for her to eat - a little early, but hey, newborns are unpredictable."

When we pick out clothes for ourselves and our kids and furnishings for our homes, we can keep the inevitable dirt and spills in mind and choose things with colors and patterns that will hide some of that.

When we head into the grocery store, we can have our route mapped out in our mind (hitting the most important things first), remind our kids of the rules before we get out of the car to go inside and be fully prepared to leave if things get bad, even if we only got to a few things on our list. The rest can wait.

And each day, we can expect that there will be a time when everyone needs something at once and tensions escalate. When that time arrives, we can think, "Yep, here it is. I knew we'd have a crisis sometime today, but things will calm down in a few minutes. They always do."

Every stage of motherhood has its ups and downs. Every week and every day has its ups and downs. We might as well accept it and prepare for it where possible. And once we've got that acceptance and preparation in place, it's a lot easier to enjoy our lives.

The post It’s going to be hard and that’s OK appeared first on FamilyToday.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Power of Moms. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

Progress. Isn't that what life is all about? When we don't feel any sense of progress, isn't that when we get down on ourselves or even depressed? I think progress is intrinsically connected to happiness.

Before you stop reading this, thinking, "Progress? Seriously? I'm just barely treading water here," let me share a few simple thoughts and ideas that can help make progress and motherhood seem less mutually exclusive.

In some phases of our lives, progress is almost built-in. When we're in school, we get a definite sense of progression as we pass off one level and move on to the next, see our grades improving or master a new skill. In most paid professions, we can see our progress through promotions, raises, positive performance reviews or increased sales.

But in our lives as mothers, a sense of progress can be evasive. As we meet the needs that pop up right and left from our kids, much of our "to-do" list remains undone at the end of the day. We often feel like we're treading water and that our attempts to actually move toward a goal are always thwarted.

But we CAN progress. And we CAN feel the joy of moving forward and learning at least a little every day. Here are three simple keys to progress for moms.

1. Define "success" for this phase of your life

When I had five little preschoolers, I learned to define a successful day as one where I'd found a few minutes to read to my children, spent a few minutes of "floor time" playing with them, completed one small cleaning job around the house, and found 30 minutes to take care of a few e-mails and phone calls. During that phase of life, progress involved seeing my kids learn their colors and seeing their attention spans increase while seeing my own little projects move forward inch by inch.

I found that when I expected to make more progress than was realistic, I was frustrated with my children and with myself. But when I expected too little and just moved into "treading water mode," I felt depressed. Expecting and working towards an appropriate amount of progress is vital.

2. First things first

As moms, we're always busy. But are we busy doing the right things? It's important that we take a few minutes every week to establish what is most important to accomplish that week.

3. Self-Discipline

During the precious free time we may have as moms, it's so easy to get sucked into TV or the Internet. We sit down to check one favorite blog or watch a show to unwind, and sometimes, two hours later, there we are, watching some show we don't even care about or doing something on the Internet that isn't really meaningful at all.

Try using your discretionary time to do things that give you a sense of progress before you turn to activities that are simply relaxing. You'll be able to enjoy your relaxing activities much more if you get a little progress under your belt first!

The post 3 simple keys to progress as a mother appeared first on FamilyToday.

For family night, we decided to play a board game together as a family - we haven't done that in a long time. It was all well until one player decided to stop playing mid-game. He hadn't scored any points and everyone else had. But there was still plenty of time for things to turn around in the game and it's a game where fortunes can shift quite unexpectedly. We pointed this out politely. When that didn't work, we tried stating that "Looslis aren't quitters" and insisting that he keep playing. But that didn't work. He defiantly said, "I'm not playing and you can't make me," and stormed off to his room.

In the grand scheme of things, being a good sport and finishing out a board game with your family really doesn't matter much. But this is a little example my son doesn't mind my sharing and it brings up some things we've been struggling with. So many things come easy to this particular child and when something turns out to be difficult, he's taken aback, he feels really uncomfortable, and he really prefers to walk away. He wants to be an instant winner all the time. But life doesn't work like that. We're always telling him that "when the going gets tough, the tough get going" and that "hard is good."

As our kids get older, it's so tricky to know what to control while we still can control it (in hopes that strongly encouraging some things with talks or bribes may lead to more understanding and self-motivation someday) and what to let go of as we strive to respect our kids' opinions and their need to make their own decisions. My husband and I struggle to be loving, understanding parents while also pushing our children strongly towards the things they are capable of and that will likely bring them joy and success.

I'm realizing more and more that while it's easier to take care of my children's basic physical needs now that they're older, it's much harder when it comes to the tricky nuanced work of taking care of my big kids' mental, social, emotional and spiritual development. The phrase, "Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems," seems to hold true. The plethora of little problems just about did me in some days when I had five preschoolers. But I'm finding that all it takes is one "big kid problem" to really throw me for a loop.

The last few couple years, I've felt like a pretty darn good mom as I've really hit my stride as a mom. I quite naturally "get" elementary school-age kids (babies and toddlers, as adorable and fun as they are, were a bit more of a stretch for me). But just lately, my 12-year-old and sometimes his 11-year-old brother are humbling me big time. I'm in some uncharted waters for sure. It's hard stuff and I know I've got plenty more challenges ahead!

Here are five things I've learned so far (mostly the hard way):

"If it's important to you, it's important to me."

My mom suggested I remember this phrase when I headed into marriage and I'm finding it's just as important for kids. I'm working to show real interest in the things they care about and to really discuss possibilities they bring up, even if they originally sound pretty "off." I'm learning about bands the kids have mentioned. I'm getting to know their friends. I'm helping my son earn up money for the electric guitar he really wants.

Relationships take time

I can't expect to have a good relationship with my kids if I don't take time to really be with them and listen to them. When I'm so tired at the end of the day and just want to clock-out as a mom after tucking kids in bed, I've found that if I'll tuck my son in last, go sit on his bed, and just let him say whatever, we often have good conversations about important things. I've found that if I help my son do the dishes (his after-dinner job), he becomes quite chatty. I've found that if I pick my son up from school and take him to a favorite place for lunch once in a while, our relationship improves.

People respect those who give them respect

When I ask my older kids what might be an appropriate consequence when one of the younger children has broken an important rule, they feel flattered and respected - and are more likely to pay attention to the rules themselves. When I ask for their help in researching something I'm thinking about doing or buying that fits with their interests and knowledge, they feel useful and helpful.

Raise the Praise, Minimize the Criticize

As I tuck my son in bed each night, if I take 30 seconds to tell him something I really appreciate that he did that day or something I've noticed he's good at, I'm making vital investments in my relationship with him. When I ignore what I can ignore and minimize criticism and/or keep critiques short and sweet, our relationship is much better.

Sleep and food matter - a lot

Remember when we were so careful to make sure our babies got good naps and ate enough healthy food and no junk? Remember when lack of sleep or food resulted in serious melt-downs with our toddlers? As pre-teens bodies and brains go through puberty, they need quality sleep and quality food desperately - but often don't feel the need for either. I'm getting my son to bed early. He can read or use his iPod in bed for a while (that helps keep him from being defiant about going to bed). Then I tell him it's lights-out and we chat a bit and he's usually tired enough not to fight it much.

I'm pretty sure it'll just make him want it more if I try to ban my kids from all junk food. But I've found that if I only have healthy foods (lots of fruits and veggies on hand for snacking, healthy breakfasts and dinners) in the house, that's what he'll end up eating for the most part. We talk about what fuels our bodies efficiently and he worries about the amount of acne and excess weight he sees on some kids and generally accepts that healthy food is best.

As I move forward, I know I'll mess up and I know there will be a lot more power-struggles and tricky questions. But as I'm trying to teach my son, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going" and "hard is good."

The post 5 tips for navigating the uncharted waters of pre-teens appeared first on FamilyToday.

There are so many fun, simple, beautiful things we can do with our families to celebrate the real meaning of Easter.

To help you develop your own Christ-centered Easter traditions, here are some details on what works for my family:

Lent

I came to love the idea of Lent when I was in college and my Catholic friends introduced me to the idea. Lent has now become a tradition in our family. A few weeks in advance of Easter (Lent is officially about 6 weeks long, from Ash Wednesday to Easter Eve, but we're not that precise), we each decide on something that we'll give up for Lent. The kids usually pick something pretty simple (like a specific favorite candy). I've given up sugar for several years but this year I gave up eating after 8 p.m.

We talk about how giving something up is a great way to work on will-power and be more healthy but that most importantly, when we give up something for Lent, every time we're tempted to do whatever we gave up for Lent, we have a chance to think about Christ's sacrifice for us as we make our own little sacrifice. I like that.

Decorations

A couple weeks before Easter, I set out some fresh spring flowers, pull out a pretty tablecloth, set out a bowl of pretty dyed eggs and voila - the house is all decorated for Easter. I love how eggs and flowers remind us of new life - what Easter is all about.

Easter week daily traditions

We have special (but very simple) activities we do each day of the week leading up to Easter. Thanks to great ideas from books and friends and some trial and error, our Easter Week has evolved over the years into what I've laid out below.

Most of the ideas below take 5-10 minutes and require little or no supplies.

Sunday

On Palm Sunday, we read Matthew 21:1-11 together.

Then, we we act it out (using weeds for palms and dad for a donkey"¦). The kids yell "Hosana!" and we talk about how wonderful it must have been for Jesus to see so many people embracing his message of love.

Monday

On Monday we read from the scriptures about Jesus cleansing the temple (Matthew 21:12-13). Sometimes we re-enact Jesus cleansing the temple (with a focus on how we can stand up for what is right and be firm and stern without being mean). Some years we've gone to visit a holy place like a temple or cathedral to feel the peace there and imagine how it must have felt to Jesus to see people showing so little reverence for the temple. We talk about how important it is to keep sacred things sacred and talk about what the word "sacred" means.

On Monday we've also talked about Jesus's cursing of the unfruitful fig tree (Matthew 21:19-22) and how important it is that we use what we've been given to bless the lives of others while also talking about the importance of faith and how faith can bring miracles to pass.

Tuesday

On Tuesday we dye eggs (we always do the first one red by leaving it in the pink then the orange dye for a long time. I lived in Bulgaria for a while and that was the tradition there - the red represents death and the egg represents new life - great symbol of death and life coming together). We talk about how eggs represent new life and read about the new life Christ offered in the scriptures. Here are a couple favorite scriptures to read (and memorize together if you like) as a lead-up to the egg-dying:

John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

John 10:10 - "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."

We all have fun coming up with creative new ideas for decorating eggs. We've tried using Sharpie pens to make beautiful patterns. We've tried "tie-dying" eggs by wrapping them in tissue dipped in different colored dye. And when we're done creating beautiful eggs, we shine them up by rubbing them with a little olive oil and put them in a nice bowl as a decoration.

Wednesday

On Wednesday, we talk about Christ's parables and miracles (many in Matthew 25 - the parables of the 10 Virgins, the talents, and the sheep and the goats). We have some good kids' books about the parables and we also like to watch the video "Finding Faith in Christ," which beautifully depicts several of Christ's miracles.

Thursday

On Thursday we do a simple Passover-style supper with lentil stew and pita bread (you could get into a real Passover dinner - tons of great ideas on Pinterest - or keep it super simple with cheese and pita bread"¦) and talk about the Last Supper and the Garden of Gethsemane as we read about these events in the scriptures:

Last Supper - Matthew 26:17-35

Gethsemane - Matthew 26:36-46

Arrest and Trial - Matthew 26: 47-68

We also talk about how Christ suffered as he took the sins of the world upon him in the Garden of Gethsemane and discuss the Atonement a bit.

Friday

On Friday we talk about Christ's death and sometimes read parts of Matthew 27.

We also talk about why people call this day "Good Friday" - what Jesus did for us was so very very good although it was so very very sad.

These topics can be tricky with younger children - this is hard, heavy stuff. But I've found that my young kids (starting maybe around 4 years old) have been able to understand things and feel empathy and love way beyond their years as we've watched videos, read scriptures and talked about things.

Saturday

Saturday (the day Jesus was resting in Heaven) is for the Easter Bunny and egg hunts and all that fun stuff. We usually have a neighborhood egg hunt on Saturday morning.

The kids and I make simple fliers and take them around to all the neighbors plus send out some emails and/or create a Facebook event. We ask that every child bring 10 plastic eggs filled with candy or stickers or other prizes. Usually someone does a few "money" eggs with quarters and one time even a dollar (that was a big hit!).

When everyone arrives for the hunt, some of the other parents and I keep the kids engaged with some games inside ("duck, duck, goose" becomes "egg, egg, chick") while some parents and teenagers hide the eggs in a clearly defined area (usually three to four front yards in a row). Then, we send out the little kids first for eggs followed by the medium kids, then the big kids.

At the end, we give a prize to the child who found the most eggs then we usually divide up all the eggs somewhat evenly and hang out with the neighbors eating candy for a while. We make deviled eggs for lunch and eat more candy. It's a fun day.

Sunday

On Easter morning, as soon as we wake up (while we're still in our pj's), we watch some video clips about the resurrection.

Then the kids head into the living room where they find some new Easter clothes (just spring church clothes they need anyway - often just a new shirt or tie for the boys and my daughter usually gets a new dress) and their Easter Baskets waiting for them.

I like doing new clothes for Easter because it helps make church extra special on Easter, symbolizes a new beginning, and hey, it's fun to celebrate spring by dressing my kids up in cute coordinated outfits.

After Easter baskets, we eat a special breakfast (eggs benedict is our tradition) and get ready for church (or if we have early church, we just have some cereal and come home after church for a special Easter brunch).

After church, we do a special Easter Egg hunt for plastic eggs filled with symbols of Christ's last week on earth (a piece of bread for the Last Supper, a rock for the tomb, a little cross made of sticks, some olive leaves for the Garden of Gethsemane, some nails, some thorns"¦). Now that our kids are a bit older, it's been great to have them read scriptures on a little slip of paper inside each egg.

Our traditions are still evolving - and probably always will be. I'm always adding in new ideas people share with me and I've taken out a lot of ideas that proved to be more trouble than they're worth.

The main thing is that our children are starting to understand the real meaning of Easter. I'm so grateful for the chance I have, through simple activities like those outlined above, to bear my testimony of Jesus daily to my children during Easter Week.

I hope my kids will always think of Easter as a magical and meaningful holiday - a great combination of fun and thought and treats and tokens of the first Easter.

The post A mother’s guide to a Christ-centered Easter appeared first on FamilyToday.

This morning I woke up to hugs and "I love you's."

In the dim morning light of a crisp morning, the two sweetest little boys in the world quietly climbed into my bed as I was waking up, snuggling up on either side of me, patting my cheeks and pulling my arms around them as Oliver said "Mommy, I love you SO much" and Silas sang me the little song he made up for me and sings to me several times a day "Mom, I love you so, so much. I will never stop loving you."

This is the stuff joyful motherhood is made of.

I held those little boys close and told them how grateful I am that I get to be their mom. I felt their coarse hair against my cheeks and their strong little hands grasping my hands. We were silent a minute together and my heart was full and ready to burst.

Motherhood is a lot of hard stuff. And some days (like yesterday) involve one crazy and frustrating thing after another as mutually exclusive needs of all the kids and the mom and the dad pile upon each other.

But motherhood is also a lot of good stuff. And some golden moments count way more than all the hard stuff.

At our last Learning Circle meeting where we talked about what we love about motherhood, we left with the assignment to make a list of the top ten things we love about motherhood. It's been interesting and wonderful to see everyone's lists. I put off making my own list - there always seemed to be something more pressing to do. And I've had a few days lately where all I could think of was what I DIDN'T like about motherhood. But I finally sat down and made my list. It was a great exercise that helped me see things in a different light.

Here's my top 10 list of what I love about motherhood right now

1. Knowing I really matter to five wonderful young people who each show their love for me in different ways.

Having Silas sing me the "I love you" song he made up about 12 times a day (even though his siblings get bugged with him for singing it so much). Having Eliza tell me I'm the best mom ever when I tuck her in. Having Oliver tell me how much he missed me when I see him after school. Having Isaac lean his head on my shoulder and snuggle up to me in church or while we watch a movie. Having Ashton tell me stuff he's excited about and show me how to do things on the computer.

2. Telling stories and watching my kids' great facial expressions of awe or excitement or empathy as the story unfolds.

I also love listening to audio books with my children and enjoying the unfolding of a new story together while we all relax.

3. Learning new things together

Reading books, visiting new places, looking up answers to questions we have on Wikipedia or YouTube and getting sucked into learning about everything from how baby carrots are made to what a "concentration camp" was to what make lightbulbs work.

4. Doing a final tuck-in for each child before I go to bed each night

Seeing them sleeping all skeewampus but still looking like angels, straightening them out a bit and tucking them under the covers, kissing their soft cheeks.

5. Watching them be kind to others (especially when the recipient of their kindness is a sibling).

6. Snuggling with the kids on family movie night and at church every week

Holding my babies in my arms was always a huge highlight - and snuggling them now, remembering how small they used to be, makes me smile and feel the wonder of bearing children and seeing them grow.

7. Seeing my kids succeed in something important to them

I love seeing them work on something new and hard and seeing them figure it out and get excited about it.

8. Making and enjoying great food together

I love making them happy by making them their favorites from the list of family staple recipes we've developed over the years and I love finding new favorites together. I love teaching them to cook and bake and enjoying that process of creation together.

9. Enjoying the wonder and excitement of the world with kids who are experts in wonder and excitement.

Exploring new places together with my kids - hiking, biking, finding new and interesting things to do in our own neighbor hood or traveling to new places. I love sharing adventures with my kids and getting excited about things together.

10. Seeing my kids become cool and fun people that I like to hang out with

Now that my kids are a little older, they are some of my best friends. They are so fun to talk with and have so many interesting ideas and thoughts to share (when they're in the mood to share, that is!). I get sucked into long conversations about music or choices friends are making or ways teachers at school are handling things as I tuck in my children at night.

While it's great to remember and dwell on all the sparkling moments and beauty and meaning that motherhood brings to our lives, I think there's also a place for remembering the day-to-day stuff that's not so fun but is still a part of the big picture of motherhood, the stuff that teaches me patience and helps me grow (if it doesn't annoy the heck out of me first), the stuff I want other moms and my posterity to know I DID experience and DO understand.

So here's my list of current LEAST favorite things about motherhood

1. Mutually exclusive simultaneous emergency needs

At least once a day there is a time when everyone quite suddenly and very urgently seems to need something different from me at the same time. Those crisis moments aren't fun. If everyone could just take turns needing things, I'd be able to be a much better mom.

2. Interruptions

My kids interrupt me and each other constantly and it's driving me crazy. Plus everything I try to do gets interrupted again and again so I feel like I'm half doing hundreds of things every day and never really finishing much.

3. Paper and writing utensils everywhere

Homework papers, pencils and crayons are scattered across every flat surface in the house after school, newsletters and other papers from school are handed to me while I'm trying to drive the carpool home, paper airplanes and bits of discarded paper along with pencils and markers seem to be always laying around under chairs, on top of dressers, scattered about the floor. I applaud the creativity and homework-completion involved in all the bits of paper and writing utensils strewn about - but having my house look like garbage is constantly strewn about gets old.

4. Being late and rushed and stressed

Too often, I try to cram in too much and I'm not very realistic about how long things take. My kids have picked up these unfortunate tendencies up from me. So we're always rushing at the last minute and it's not a happy time for any of us. "Hurry" is not really a happy word. And "we're late" is a phrase that gets repeated way too often in our house. I have been working hard on this one lately and it's getting a bit better. But it's so easy to slip back into old tendencies "¦

5. Repetition without results

Motherhood involves repeating a lot of pretty dull and mundane actions again and again and again - making food, sweeping the floor, doing the laundry, changing the diapers, driving kids to school, etc. Repetition of actions can be boring and sometimes annoying but mostly it's OK. But what really gets me is having to repeat what I SAY so many times and finding that often, despite my best attempts to say the same thing in new and hopefully more effective ways while attempting to stay patient and loving, the result is often not commeasurate with my efforts.

6. Fear and worry

Mothering my young children involved a lot of moments of nearly heart-stopping fear as they would speed-crawl towards stairs when they didn't yet know how to get down the stairs safely, make a dash for a busy street, jump off a swing in mid-air, or disappear from my side at the grocery store. But I'm finding that mothering older kids involves it's own heart-wrenching fears and worries. When I see an email from a teacher of a class where my child's been having issues, I'm scared to open it - worried about what might be happening now. When a child casually mentions that they'ves been eating lunch alone and can't think of anyone to invite to a party, worry sets in.

7. Trying to get kids to do things they don't want to do

I TRY to help my children see the logic and importance of doing the things I ask them to do and help them WANT to do the things that they need to do. I try to make expectations clear and very manageable. I explain and offer incentives. I try to be flexible and understanding and give as many choices as possible. But somehow they just don't seem to hear me or to internalize or fully accept what I'm saying. But there are things that simply must be done whether any of us like it or not!

8. The bickering!

One child is always doing something that the other kids deem "annoying." One child is always riling the others up - getting the twins going on wrestling and rough-and-tumble fun until inevitably, someone's crying and someone's accusing and everyone's mad. The issue of who gets which seat at the table and which seat in the car is getting SO OLD. Some days it seems like the kids just wake up ready to nit-pick and argue all day long!

While every mom could readily make a sizeable list of the stuff that's downright hard about motherhood, the hard stuff generally makes the good stuff sweeter. Hard and good come hand in hand. I'll keep this hard stuff (and keep working on the stuff I know I can change with more effort) because it comes part and parcel with the good stuff that I wouldn't trade for the world.

The post The ups and downs of motherhood appeared first on FamilyToday.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Power of Moms. It has been republished here with permission.

"The biggest mistake I made as a parent is the one that most of us make ... I did not live in the moment. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get to the next thing - dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."

- Anna Quindlen

I've been making this mistake. Yep, I sure have. I treasure getting things done. I love the feeling of checking things off my list and progressing toward goals. I love the sense of accomplishment I feel when I finish writing an article, conducting a successful Power of Moms Retreat, or simply cleaning out a closet or folding a load of laundry. When we're not progressing and accomplishing things, it's easy to get down on ourselves and life can look a little bleak.

But maybe sometimes the "doing" IS the accomplishment.

When I sit and read books with my kids the goal is not really to finish the book. It's to enjoy the process of reading the book together and learning the lessons it offers. When I go to my Learning Circle meeting the goal isn't to get the meeting done. It's to enjoy the meeting and learn from each other and have fun together.

I need to apply this to more things in my life. The main goal of bedtime shouldn't really be to get the kids in bed (although some nights that goal is paramount!). Shouldn't it really be about snuggling with my kids, praying with them, reading to them, feeling a nice little end-of-the-day connection? And maybe the goal of cleaning up the kitchen after dinner with my kids should actually be to talk and laugh while we work together. April Perry's great article "What's the Point of Housework?" taught me this.

I need to work on enjoying the "doing" and accepting the process as part of the goal. It's the present that really counts.

My dad had us memorize this quote by the Sanscrit poet (whoever that is) when we were little and I need to keep it more to the front of my brain:

"Yesterday is but a dream. Tomorrow but a vision. But today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore to this day."

Accomplishments are important. Progress is vital. But learning to enjoy and treasure the present and the actions involved in moving toward our goals is also very important. I know that when I take the time to cherish the "doing" in my life, I feel more joy. And it's an ongoing part of my personal progression to learn to enjoy the processes involved in progression more and more.

The post Learning to love the process, not just the result appeared first on FamilyToday.

In my family growing up, Valentine's Day was pretty mellow.

I remember working with my sister to make Valentine cards to bring to school, putting a few conversation hearts in each envelope (after carefully screening what each heart said so that we wouldn't be giving any boys the wrong idea). I also remember making elaborate Valentine's Day mailboxes to bring to school to put on our desks and then everyone would deliver Valentines to everyone else's mailboxes. Then, on Valentine's Day morning, we always found our cups at the breakfast table full of candy from our sweet mom. Valentine's Day was nice. It was sufficient.

I went through my teenage years and 20s dreading Valentine's Day. It seemed like a horrible holiday that caused a lot more pain than joy as it reminded every unattached girl and woman what she didn't have. On the few occasions when I did have someone I was dating or interested in around Valentine's Day, there was plenty of angst trying to figure out what actions or lack of actions on Valentine's Day might actually mean.

Once I was married, I quickly found that Valentine's Day angst didn't go away! Plus I realized that getting flowers and going out to dinner on Valentine's Day wasn't all good - the price of flowers in February is crazy and getting a table at a restaurant and finding a babysitter can be way more trouble than it's worth.

But in the last few years, I've learned to really love Valentine's Day.

While my husband and I do some special couple-oriented things around Valentine's Day, we've decided to focus Valentine's Day itself, and really all of February, on celebrating FAMILY love, not just romantic love.

Here are some activities that help make February wonderful for our family:

1. Heart Attack

One of my favorite family activities is the "heart attack" we give each other. Toward the beginning of the month (usually the first Monday of the month), we cut out construction paper hearts (all sizes and colors), write down what we love about a family member on each heart (the little kids dictate to someone who can write), then stick the completed hearts all over our kitchen cabinets. It's great to see what everyone comes up with and we're all reminded of the love we share every time we're in the kitchen. Plus it's an easy and meaningful way to decorate for Valentine's Day.

2. Jar of Love

We started a new tradition a couple years ago that we LOVED. We brainstormed a bunch of simple little activities that celebrate the love we have for those around us (examples below), wrote each one on a little slip of paper, and put all the slips in a jar. Starting at the beginning of February, the kids trade off picking a slip of paper from the jar at breakfast and then we do the activity on the paper they pulled out sometime that day. If we draw out an activity that won't work that day, we draw out a different activity that might work better. Some days, we don't quite get to doing the activity we chose and that's OK - we put it back in the jar for later. It's our goal to get to at least seven activities from the jar during February - but we keep it nice and flexible!

Here's what we put in our jar:

• see how many hugs and kisses you can give today

• "heart attack" someone's front door

• take a treat to someone

• do a "secret service" for someone in your family

• do something nice for someone outside your family

• read a story about loving and caring for others

• pop some popcorn and watch a fun movie that has a love story ("Princess Bride" is our favorite)

• make a special Valentine for a school or church teacher

• give a sincere compliment to someone today

• write a nice note or email to someone you love who you haven't seen for a while

3. Mommy Dates

During February, I love to take each of my children out for a special little "mommy date." Since I've got a busy schedule and five children, these dates are pretty simple (stuff like picking up a child from school at lunch and going to a favorite fast food place, stopping for ice cream on the way home from a basketball practice, or simply going with me to the grocery store one-on-one and choosing a favorite treat plus the ingredients for a favorite family meal that week). I try to do Mommy Dates throughout the year and I'm spotty at best. But during February, I make a real point of ensuring that these special dates happen.

4. Valentine's Day Breakfast Treats

On Valentine's Day itself, it's my tradition to set the table nicely the night before and decorate with some special candies and chocolates for each child (I've started keeping heart-shaped containers from year to year, simply refilling them). And I put some of my husband's favorite treats in his bowl.

We always eat yogurt with granola and berries on top for breakfast (easy, yummy, festive).

5. Valentine's Day Dinner

At dinner on Valentine's Day (when restaurant waits are two+ hours!), we stay home for a nice dinner and everyone shares something specific that they really love about the person to their left (or right, take your pick). I like to make a dinner that the family especially loves (one year I did take-and-bake heart shaped pizza which was a big favorite - and so easy!). I heard of a family that always has a candlelight dinner on Valentine's Day and I think we'll try that this year as well. Candlelight isn't just for romance - it's great whenever you want to create a calm and different ambiance for dinner.

6. Valentine's Notes

Some years, I've written a love note to each member of my family and given it to them sometime on Valentine's Day. In my notes, I've written down my current top 10 favorite things about that person. I love this opportunity to really think about how much I love my children and husband and have shared some beautiful moments with them when I've found a quiet moment to share my note with them.

7. "We Love to Be a Family Day"

I love how my Power of Moms partner, April, celebrates this special day in February. We're going to try it this year. Ideas, instructions and planning templates are found here: A Valentine's Day Tradition Your Family Will Never Forget.

No matter your circumstances, talents and bandwidth, there are ways you can make February really special as you emphasize the love your family feels for each other and the larger world.

The post 7 family activities to fill February with love appeared first on FamilyToday.