Georgia Lee – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Fri, 17 May 2019 20:41:16 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Georgia Lee – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 5 ways to escape the make-up/break-up cycle https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-ways-to-escape-the-make-up-break-up-cycle/ Fri, 02 Feb 2018 13:46:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-ways-to-escape-the-make-up-break-up-cycle/ Stuck in that vicious cycle with an ex? Here are 5 ways to help you get out and move on…

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Completely letting go of an ex can be hard. But drawing out the end of your relationship and continuing the separation-reconciliation cycle isn't healthy. But it's a pattern that is easy to get stuck in.

If you need help ending the make-up/break-up cycle, here are 5 ways to help you escape:

1. Remind yourself of the bad times

Your ex may try to talk you into getting back together by reminding you of the good times. Your shared history can have a special hold on you, and your ex knows this. Don't let them lull you into a false sense of security by reminiscing about the good old days. That feeling of familiarity will only keep the cycle going. You may have had positive experiences together, but you broke up for a reason.

2. Date other people

Sometimes the best way to shift your focus away from an ex is to move on to someone else. However, it may not be a great idea to settle down soon after a breakup. Rebound relationships move fast and rarely work. It can help to date a few people casually. Scope out folks who aren't looking for anything serious right away. Just have fun. Once enough time has gone by, you can get back into serious dating and look for a new partner — when you're ready.

3. Take a break from dating

To get out of a cycle you need to disrupt it. If you aren't ready to get out there and mingle just yet, you may need to go through a period where you don't date at all. Taking a hiatus from dating altogether does the trick for some. You can use the time to get to know yourself better and re-evaluate what you want and need in your next relationship. You can also comb through what went wrong in your previous romance to try to understand and prevent a similar fate in the future.

4. Ask friends for support

Staying away from your ex is easier when you have friends guarding you from bad decisions. A weak moment can be foiled by a phone call or check-up visit from good friends who know all the dirt and want to keep you safe. Tell them when you want to go back, and they'll snap you back into reality and keep you on track to break away and stay single.

5. Grieve your relationship

Sometimes you get sucked back into a bad romance because you never fully let go when it ended. If you take the time to truly mourn the loss of your relationship, you won't feel the need to return to it. The thought of continuing the relationship will bring discomfort, instead of desire.

Staying out of a make-up/break-up cycle takes work. And sometimes it's easier to give into what isn't right for you instead of work on finding what is. But you both deserve someone who is the right fit for each of you.

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5 ways to keep your love alive through fighting https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-ways-to-keep-your-love-alive-through-fighting/ Fri, 26 Jan 2018 12:55:35 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-ways-to-keep-your-love-alive-through-fighting/ Conflict doesn't have to ruin your relationship. Here are 5 ways to keep your love alive even when you're fighting.

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Fighting doesn't have to dissolve your union. In fact, conflict is a healthy part of any relationship (especially if arguments can be both peaceful and pleasant). But unless you're careful, you can easily fall into the traps that threaten your romance. When you and your darling are in conflict, here are five ways you can keep your love alive even when you're fighting:

1. Focused fighting

Fights can go awry when you stray off topic. If an issue arises, stay focused on that issue. Avoid bringing up other burning annoyances until the present problem has been adequately addressed. It may be tempting to drudge up every little conflict you've experienced at once, but nothing will get resolved this way. Piling on the problems will just muddy the waters and make the real issues unclear. Organizing and prioritizing relationship struggles helps resolve them in order of importance, and will help de-escalate anxiety, frustration and help encourage connectedness through conflict.

2. Win the war

In an argument, many people forget they are attempting to solve a problem, and instead put all of their energy into winning the argument. You may best your mate's verbal abilities or convince the room your opinion is right, but ultimately if your issue isn't resolved, you've wasted your own energy and time - additionally, you've most likely damaged your relationship by discouraging your partner from coming to and communicating with you in a healthy way. Instead of winning the battle, you should both be working toward winning the war. When you've conquered the problem and both come out understanding the other's perspective, you've won.

3. Fight with kindness

Remind your partner you love and care for them while you're fighting. Assure them you are not attacking them or their beliefs, and that you respect and value their opinions (even if they differ from yours) - remember, it's OK to have opposing views. Even when your partner's ideas clash against yours, that doesn't mean someone must be demonized or made wrong. When you argue, don't hurl their thoughts at them like a dagger or flippantly toss their feelings aside to make your own point. Sarcasm and condescension have no place in loving and healthy conflict. Instead, communicate with care and fight with kindness.

4. Listen more than you talk

Listening is the crux of communication. Feeling heard is often half the battle. When your partner feels heard they are much more likely to fully hear what you have to say. When you both listen, you both can express your side in a much more complete and respectful way. Two people screeching at each other means no one is heard and everyone feels neglected. Once one side backs off and gives the other the floor, the same respect should be offered in return.

If you can't seem to get your point across even after you've made the effort to listen better, you're dealing with a partner who needs further guidance. Interrupting, hearing without listening and walking away are communication tactics that neglect the speaker, and they will never resolve the issue at hand. Work together to avoid these negative tactics so you both can be heard.

5. Fight fair

Playing "who can hurt the other the most" is a great way to ruin a relationship. Fighting fair means combining all of the previous techniques and adding respect and appreciation. Intentionally damaging your partner's self-esteem or making threatening gestures or comments is completely unacceptable and can be enough to end the relationship.

If you can't control yourself in conflict then therapy and anger management might be in order. However, endangering the physical or emotional safety or integrity of your mate is not an option. Find a better way to diffuse your frustration and protect your partner from your impulses.

It's difficult, but healthy conflict can be achieved, and each partner can have their needs met even when things aren't perfectly peachy. Remember to treat your mate and your relationship as something you want to keep long after you're addressing your issues.

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6 more secrets to lasting love https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/6-more-secrets-to-lasting-love/ Tue, 23 Jan 2018 03:47:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/6-more-secrets-to-lasting-love/ Making love last doesn't need to be trying. Here are 6 simple secrets that will help keep your romance alive…

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You've finally found love. But since some time has passed you're scared it's starting to flounder. How do you help make sure your love stays alive? What separates relationships that last from ones that fizzle? Here are 6 more secrets to lasting love that will help you find out.

1. Speak their love language

Everyone shows affection in different ways, and each person has a unique way they want to receive affection. Some people need undivided attention. Some need physical affection. Others like practical gestures; like helping with the laundry, cooking, and completing the chore list without being asked.

Your partner may not know how they register your love for them. They could ascribe great meaning to something you do without thinking, yet feel neglected from a grand gesture you poured your heart into. Dig deep and find out what you both need to feel special, then do those things for each other.

2. Do what works

Forget about what you think should work in a relationship. Theories and advice are good, but if they're not resolving your issues find a new remedy. Once you have found something that works for your romantic arrangement make that your go-to. It's important not only to remember what works, but then also build on it. As you grow, your relationship grows. You have to keep updating what keeps your relationship running as well. If something that was helpful stops working note the change and hatch a new plan. Don't waste time repeatedly using failed measures hoping they'll start working again.

3. Have new adventures

Exploring your partner as a person is exciting and new. But that fresh feeling fades over time. And as you and the relationship get older the world and your lover no longer seem so mysterious. But exploring new areas of interest or exotic locations can bring back that sense of adventure. It may also cause anxiety or fear, but if used in the right way with the right amount these negative emotions can bring you closer together. Exert some brain power or physical energy together and those butterflies will come back.

4. The little things

Focusing on the little everyday things can help you avoid having big problems later.

Scrambling to handle a crisis creates a roller coaster effect in your relationship. Tensions build over time if you ignore a mounting issue or dismiss your partner's needs. It's not until things explode that you spring into action and try to put out the flames. But ultimately the cycle continues and nothing really gets resolved, because you don't learn to discuss problems as they arise. Instead, stop and give a small wrinkle your full attention until it's smoothed out.

5. Let go of before

Focus on the now. Leave the past behind you and don't bring it up in situations where it's not relevant. Referring back to bad behavior when you're riled up just to make your point pushes you apart even further. This starts a pattern of living in and fighting with memories; a reality that can't be changed. You can only change your future. Respect the work and experiences that can allow you to make sure your future together doesn't resemble the past.

6. Keep dating

Never stop dating. It's an oldie but a goodie. Plan weekly date nights or monthly getaways where you and your beau can just relax together. Combine this with your new adventures to keep things interesting. New cuisines, new cities and new hobbies will help feed the fire your sparks started long ago.

Staying in love takes work. Passion and commitment are not always compatible. And one without the other won't keep your romance together. So take these tips and reignite a fading flame, or keep a raging one going for years to come.

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4 more emotionally abusive behaviors you probably think are normal https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/4-more-emotionally-abusive-behaviors-you-probably-think-are-normal/ Thu, 18 Jan 2018 09:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/4-more-emotionally-abusive-behaviors-you-probably-think-are-normal/ You might think your relationship dynamic is ordinary, but these 4 emotionally abusive behaviors are anything but.

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Emotional abuse is not illegal, but it can have severe, lasting effects on your love and life. And sometimes, the line between abuse and a bad romance can be thin, masquerading as intense lover's quarrels, or typical trials and tribulations. But these four emotionally abusive behaviors have no place in relationships:

1. Needle point

Your beau may call himself particular, picky or observant, but beware of a partner who is constantly needling and criticizing you. He may try to defend his overly critical and hovering nature as helpful -he's keeping you focused and steering you in a better direction, right? The problem is, he's the only one who is bothered by just about everything you do.

He may make constant comments about your clothing, hair, makeup or body to try to get you to present a certain image. He may grumble about what and how much you eat and how often you exercise. These verbal intrusions are likely outwardly condescending and judgmental, but some skilled criticizers can present a completely innocent and neutral tone, making your negative reception seem like an emotional overreaction.

2. Bad feelings

If you do express dismay at your man's treatment or speech, take note of how he responds to your distress. Emotionally abusive men will often refuse to acknowledge any wrongdoing and focus the attention on your negative feelings. Others will tell you or imply that your feelings are unimportant, or worse, irrational. You may have heard the infamous line, "You shouldn't feel that way." But being told you don't have a right or reason to feel how you do is just as unfair and damaging.

To confirm your guy is the one with the emotional issue and not you, take stock of how the other people in your life treat you. If you feel persecuted and unloved in every relationship, including friends and family, you may be dealing with some emotional or psychological issues. If your partner is the only one who treats you badly then tells you it's your own fault, you can rest assured you've identified the real problem.

3. High maintenance

An emotional abuser will accuse you of being high maintenance when you expect better treatment (even if that treatment is healthy and normal). Whether you casually mention your hurt feelings or outright demand more respect, you'll be branded as needy, overly sensitive or unreasonable. Asking for better behavior or to be treated and spoken to with empathy, consideration and respect is an affront to someone who is emotionally abusive.

They will act exhausted, offended or laugh off the remarks when confronted with their own shortcomings. Some men genuinely don't know where they are emotionally deficient, while others build their lives around stepping on the esteem of others to feel more powerful. Offering the opportunity to see his errors, apologize and change will tell you who you're dealing with.

4. Prisoner of love

Emotional abuse involves breaking down your defenses with his emotional arsenal. He needs you to be tough enough to stick around but weak enough to take what he dishes out. He will convince you being with him is your only option.

He may say any of the following to keep you under his thumb:

  • You deserve him

  • You don't deserve better

  • You can't or won't do better than him

  • Someone better than him will never want you

  • He treats you too well already

  • He's the only person for you

  • He's the only person who will ever love you or be there for you

  • No one else loves you or cares about you

  • No one else will want you

  • You'll be alone without him

  • You're better off with him than alone

  • You can't survive on your own

Domestic abuse comes in many flavors. And though it may not become physical, this kind of mistreatment can leave lasting scars on your psyche. If you doubt, question or second guess yourself and your ability to be loved and respected, you are in a troubling situation. Be resilient enough to see through the lies and find the truth: You're worth so much more and you can do so much better.

If you're looking for help for yourself or others, don't hestitate to call the domestic abuse hotline: 1−800−799−7233.

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5 more signs you’re married but don’t really have a husband https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-more-signs-youre-married-but-dont-really-have-a-husband/ Sun, 14 Jan 2018 00:53:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-more-signs-youre-married-but-dont-really-have-a-husband/ You might be a wife now that you're married, but here are 5 more signs you don't really have a…

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You know what it means to be a wife. But that doesn't mean your spouse understands what it means to be a husband. How can you tell if the man you married knows how to fulfill the vows he made to you? Here are five signs you're married but you don't truly have a husband:

1. He doesn't ask what you want or need

A disconnected husband is not concerned about what his wife wants and needs. He doesn't know what you want out of life and love and isn't interested in finding out. He may intermittently listen if you directly tell him what you want from him, but he rarely actually addresses the request. And he certainly doesn't dig deeper to find out hidden needs you don't openly verbalize. This kind of partner can never fully satisfy your needs because he doesn't know them and doesn't want to.

2. He doesn't do anything special for you

You don't have a real husband if he doesn't do anything special for you. And it's not just the lack of effort to make you feel loved - the internal absence of motivation to express affection is the bigger problem. If he doesn't feel obligated to do anything nice, special or meaningful for you it means he doesn't appreciate you. He isn't concerned about how you feel about him or the relationship, so there is a complete absence of grand gestures and small acts of service that have sentimental value to you.

3. He doesn't talk to you

He doesn't tell you where he's going or when he'll be back. He doesn't discuss things with you before making big decisions. He refuses to speak to you when in your presence, and doesn't respond to texts or phone calls. He's only a husband in title if he has no issue ignoring you when you are right next to each other. He feels no obligation to interact or engage with you at all unless he wants something from you, or wants to tell you something. Of course, this means he doesn't listen either. You're pretty much invisible to him until he has a need to be fulfilled.

4. He expects you to quietly follow

You don't have a real husband if he expects you to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He expects you to cook, clean and care for him, cater to him, and anticipate his future needs without voicing any of your own. You shouldn't have your own opinions, wants or personality, let alone independence.

He runs the marriage as a business; minimizing expenditures and maximizing profits. You respond like a charity; giving selflessly and taking little to nothing in return. In this manner, he treats you as an employee and his worker. He requires cooperation with whatever he asks or demands, and is uninterested in differing opinions, suggestions or resistance.

5. He doesn't see you as an equal

Furthermore, your man doesn't understand his role as a husband if he doesn't see you as an equal he needs to share his life with. He neither needs to respect or include you in his dealings since you are not partners in his mind. He expects subordination, control, and a childlike obedience to his orders and commands. He may genuinely believe men are better or smarter than women, so they need to be led. Or he may believe he is simply more capable and intelligent than you in particular. Either way, this is not the making of a real marriage and is not the mindset of a real husband.

Marriage is meaningful to you, but going from bride and groom to husband and wife is not an easy transition for some. If you realize you are in a marriage all by yourself you may need some professional advice to move forward. If you do choose to move on, noticing these traits in future partners will help steer you away from similar situations, and help you recognize a real husband who takes his title seriously and commits to his vows.

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3 more signs he’s trying to manipulate you emotionally https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/3-more-signs-hes-trying-to-manipulate-you-emotionally/ Wed, 10 Jan 2018 10:22:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/3-more-signs-hes-trying-to-manipulate-you-emotionally/ It may feel like love at first, but here are 3 more signs your guy is trying to manipulate you.

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At first it feels like love ... then you start to notice something's wrong. Your guy is making your relationship the center of your world while also making your life unbearable. When things start to go sour you may try to fix it, but if your man is trying to manipulate you emotionally he won't let that happen.

Here are three signs he's doing just that:

1. White night

A man who is trying to manipulate you will often attempt to alienate you from others. Isolation is a common way to gain control of another person and is the first step in many kinds of relationship abuse.

Your partner is trying to manipulate you if he is feeding you negative ideas about the other people in your life. People who support you and can potentially protect you from his influence are suddenly unworthy of your trust.

He will go to great lengths to poison you against your friends and family, hoping to convince you to only trust in him. If everyone else is out to get you, he can swoop in and be your knight in shining armor. He'll then assume the role of your sole protector and when he decides to attack your self-esteem or control your life, there won't be anyone around to protect you from him.

2. Fear factor

Manipulators want to get in your head. They exact control by using your psyche against you. Even if they never actually do any of the things they claim they're capable of, a man who is trying to manipulate you will use the constant threat of negative consequences to keep you from speaking up or fighting for freedom. The threat of arguments, destroyed property, losing your children, being kicked out or losing financial support are common tools of control.

Beware of statements like, "If you leave I'll take the kids and half your stuff, so you might as well stay." - It's the hallmark of a manipulator. But other warnings like, "If you tell anyone no one will believe you or help you," are also typical and damaging. A manipulator wants you to feel helpless and alone, and uses your own mind to do it.

3. Guilty pleasure

Manipulators also threaten their own safety to keep partners chained to their chaos. A man will threaten to harm himself when he feels he's losing his grip on the relationship, or wants to reel his romantic interest in even further. This becomes a cycle of emotional blackmail, where you are made to feel responsible and guilty for whatever harm may come to your partner. Most likely this self-harm never happens ... But sometimes men will overindulge in drugs or alcohol (or physically hurt themselves) then blame you. This keeps you from trying to leave and gain back control of your own life. You let him lead to keep him safe while putting yourself in harm's way.

Manipulative men often start out charming and chivalrous. But this is all part of their game. Inevitably things go south because he wants to run the relationship his way. He doesn't believe in equality or partnership. He needs to create his own self-serving world and have you live in it.

The first signs of isolation, manipulation and control mean it's time to leave. Don't let his threats, warnings or empty promises stop you from protecting yourself. And never be afraid to ask for help getting out of a bad situation. You deserve better, and the people in your life who really love you will help you get it.

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5 more reasons we keep coming back after breakups https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-more-reasons-we-keep-coming-back-after-breakups/ Fri, 05 Jan 2018 09:49:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-more-reasons-we-keep-coming-back-after-breakups/ Can't seem to stay away even though it's not working? Here are 5 more reasons why the makeup-then-breakup cycle is…

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Breaking up is hard to do. Especially when it doesn't seem to stay that way. If you and your ex seem to be stuck in a never-ending makeup-then-breakup cycle, you may not understand why. These five reasons make you come back for more, even when feelings have faded:

1. The happy ending

Everyone wants their happily ever after. So even when things are in a downward spiral you keep pushing for that dream ending - it would be a shame to waste all the time and energy spent on trying to keep your love afloat all for nothing, right? This "sunk cost fallacy" can push exes back together to alleviate the regretful feelings that come from putting in all that work for nothing.

2. For the kids

Keeping your family together is a huge motivator for off-and-on relationships. When you have children together, it's heartbreaking to split up kids from their parents, and siblings from each other. You don't want them to grow up never knowing when one parent or the other will be around, so you toy around with remaining together for good ... and separating ... and trying to maintain a routine. But living in limbo ends up hurting more than helping.

3. For the convenience

Some couples find living life without their partner is much harder than they bargained for. You may think you can make it on your own but quickly realize things are much easier with someone by your side.

So even if you and your partner are incompatible, you may decide to try to make it work. Staying together is often easier because you've become accustomed to relying on each other and can share the load. But if you don't agree on how things should be done, can't communicate effectively or don't truly want to be together, you'll find yourself longing to be single again in no time.

4. Can't stay single

You may also be so accustomed to being in a relationship that the thought of staying single for a while terrifies you. It can be uncomfortable for some people to be alone, and you may be tempted to hitch your wagon to anyone just to stave off those feelings of isolation. The problem is if you can't find a suitable new partner you can easily slip back into the arms of the old one.

5. Dance the dance

Unfortunately, for some couples constantly breaking up and reconciling becomes a part of their relationship. Separating can become a function of how your love is defined; fiery but eternal. When walking away becomes a part of the routine you and your partner never learn to effectively discuss or acknowledge your feelings. Your communications skills don't get a chance to fully develop . And you learn to solve all of your problems by leaving instead of sticking around to resolve an issue.

You may be over an old flame but that doesn't mean you're done with the relationship. Going back them again and again may mean something has been left unresolved. But that may not have anything to do with the other person - it often means you haven't come to terms with your decision to leave and are justifying your reasons to return.

When love has run its course you'll find that it's OK to let go. You can finally move forward into the future and find a love that will last.

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5 signs of gaslighting https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-signs-of-gaslighting/ Wed, 03 Jan 2018 11:51:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-signs-of-gaslighting/ You might think you're losing your mind. But here a five signs your guy is actually gaslighting you.

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You may not have heard of gaslighting, but you probably know its effects. Also called ambient abuse, gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that uses manipulation instead of violence to control someone. It happens in families, at work, between friends and unfortunately, in romantic relationships. Here are five signs it might be happening to you.

1. Lie 'til it's the truth

A gaslighting partner will use lies against you in several ways. One way is with brute force. Repeating a lie over and over is an easy and effective way to control a relationship.

A) It starts to put doubt in your mind of what actually happened, as you have to remind yourself and him of the truth every time he repeats the lie.

B) It distracts you from being able to resolve a problem or complete a conversation because you have to redirect your attention to correcting the lie.

C) It quickly escalates an argument as you become evermore frustrated at the repetitive lie over time, giving him ammunition to tell you you're out of control or you're the one with an anger problem.

2. You can't trust your memory

Gaslighting often involves trying to convince you to doubt yourself. Your man may be as blunt as telling your you're crazy and you don't remember events as they happened. He may also be subtle, where he slowly encourages you not to trust yourself by telling you how the past happened and getting you to agree to it. You didn't see what you saw or hear what you heard.

3. You can't trust your senses

An ambient abuser will not only attack you in the past but will also come for the present. He will try to get you to lose trust in your senses. As something is happening, or just after, he will try to convince you something else took place.

4. Rewriting your story

Your partner is using these techniques to rewrite history for you and manipulate the present for himself. By not trusting your memory and your senses, eventually you won't bother to create a narrative in your mind that he even needs to undermine.

He hopes you will automatically go to him to tell you the story of what happened, even though you experienced it yourself. And if you do try to fight his manipulative ways, he will remind you of how you misremember things and how you've been wrong before, creating another circle of doubt.

5. Chain reaction

A staple of gaslighting is provoking someone into a response then chastising the response. This includes being insensitive, aggressive or disrespectful then telling you that you're too sensitive. Or escalating an argument then telling you to calm down when you get loud.

A gaslighter is always trying to catch you out so he can call you out when you're off balance, deflecting the attention off him and his behavior. Continuously bating you into an argument puts you eternally on the defensive. But criticizing your reaction makes you reluctant to actually defend yourself.

Gaslighting is dangerous because it gets in your head and has lasting effects. It can be carried from relationship to relationship and eat away at your self-esteem. In the end, you begin to believe he's always right and you're always wrong.

If you feel perpetually insecure and distrustful of your own account of things, you're probably dealing with gaslighting, and you need to seek help. You deserve to feel confident, supported and secure in your relationship, and a person who helps you feel that way.

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5 more signs he loves you for all the wrong reasons https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-more-signs-he-loves-you-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/ Tue, 02 Jan 2018 11:51:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-more-signs-he-loves-you-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/ It's exciting to feel adored. But these 5 signs might change your mind about why your guy loves you so…

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Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted by their significant other. It can be a huge boost to your confidence to finally feel like someone absolutely adores you. However, if he actually loves you for all the wrong reasons, it can come as a crushing blow. Here are five signs his love isn't in the right place:

1. You're his type

If his love for you is heavily based on his physical attraction to you, things might seem fine now. But everyone ages and changes, and in a few years his eyes will start to wander.

He may also have a specific type and could just as easily "love" someone who looks just like you ... but of course, isn't you. If he loves your looks only, you're utterly replaceable. Love based on physical features is fleeting and disingenuous.

2. You remind him of an ex

A man may use you to replace the woman he really wants; the one who got away. Your physical resemblance is usually the most important factor, but personality traits, mannerisms and values may also play a role. Some women might be flattered to be compared to a person their mate holds in high regard. But deep down it must be devastating to know your partner loves you because you're so much like someone else.

3. You fit into his world

Women are known for having a laundry list for the perfect man. But men can have them, too. Some men have a very specific place cut out in their well-designed lives that they want someone to fit into it, perfectly - like a puzzle piece finding its place. Since he has his spot picked out long before he's met anyone, he may try to trim, stretch and mold you to get you to fit snugly in place.

He won't encourage you to further develop or grow and achieve your own goals, or find your own success, because then you wouldn't fit. Again, you become replaceable. Anyone who fits will fill the space in his life.

4. You accept less

Relationships take a lot of work...work some men are not willing to put in. So they stick with the women who are willing to put up with a lackluster effort. If you stay with a man regardless of his abusive, neglectful, irresponsible or unfaithful ways he may grow to love how little he has to do to keep you.

This behavior isn't likely to change since he knows you won't leave. This kind of codependent romance is unhealthy, and ultimately his affinity for you would, again, be the same for another who's willing to settle for less.

5. You're his subordinate

Your man may love you because you let him lead. But this can go too far if your parter is too controlling. It may not rise to the level of domestic abuse, but a dominant partner can completely overshadow your life and be the reason why he loves you.

He sees you as easily controlled or manipulated, and uses you to serve his ego. This kind of guy thinks he's always right, makes decisions for you and your family without discussing it, has to have everything his way and tries to steer your feelings to match his. Even if he's the head of the household it doesn't mean he gets to be a dictator. He still has to be a partner.

It comes as an unwelcome surprise when love is not based on who you are, but how you fulfill a check list or role in your lover's life. In these relationships, his affection may be real but the love you feel is often an illusion. In any relationship, you should feel irreplaceable to your man, not a surrogate for a lost love or interchangeable with anyone else. Be sure to choose someone who falls in love with the inner beauty and uniqueness that makes you, you - and not anything else.

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5 signs he’s emotionally unavailable https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-signs-hes-emotionally-unavailable/ Sun, 17 Dec 2017 10:18:04 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-signs-hes-emotionally-unavailable/ He might be free but that doesn't mean he has room for you. Here are five signs he's emotionally unavailable.

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Meeting a good guy who's actually unattached can be exciting. But looks can be deceiving. He might be single, but that doesn't mean he's available. Even if he has no girlfriend and some free time, that doesn't mean he has room for you. So here are five early signs he's emotionally unavailable.

1. He avoids commitment

The best and easiest way to determine a man's emotionally availability is to check his interest in commitment. After dating for a few months, he should know if he wants to be exclusive. If he still needs time to figure it out, he's unfortunately not open to you. He may still be interested in dating other people or just be unsure about committing to you. But he's more interested in freedom than building a relationship.

2. He doesn't like labels

Sometimes guys will concede to exclusivity while also trying to keep things casual. It's the best of both worlds for him but only half of what you need. He's still emotionally unavailable if he pledges monogamy but doesn't want the title. He'll treat you like his girlfriend but won't let that label enable you to make demands on him.

3. He moves on quickly

Even if your guy does decide to become exclusive and even officially make you his girlfriend, he may already have his escape planned. A serial monogamist isn't thinking about building a future, only securing the present. He's only comfortable being tied down for so long before things get too serious and he starts to feel antsy and uncomfortable. This type of guy will quickly move on to another relationship and act fully committed to this new person, only to abruptly end that union as well and keep things rolling on.

4. He's easily rattled

The catalyst for this breakup is often shrouded in mystery. You may be "ghosted" and given no reason or fed some suspicious or foolish nonsense designed to keep you from asking questions or finding solutions. But an emotionally unavailable man often thinks normal issues are insufferable and leaves to avoid stress or pressure.

Typical life trials and tribulations like family, friends, work and life problems are overwhelming dramas. And emotional, medical or mental turmoil requiring empathy and support is unbearable. He'll take off from your "complicated" relationship and attach himself to someone he deems simple and easy.

5. He puts you second

If you're lucky, during the relationship you may feel well taken care of. But an unavailable man is also likely to be unsupportive and unappreciative of his woman. You will feel put aside for his more important priorities like his job, hobbies or friends. You may even find he seems more affectionate and in love with his pet than with you. He'll be there for you in some capacity but not to the degree you've made yourself available to him.

There's no need to waste your time with a guy who keeps you at a distance. Staying at arms length makes him feel safe and in control of his emotional world. He wants the benefits of being in a relationship without the emotional risks or vulnerability. His time might be unoccupied, but that doesn't mean he's free.

Emotional unavailability is typically easy to spot early on. It may feel unfair to end things prematurely, but waiting for him to grow into the right guy is futile. Use that time to keep searching for the love and loyalty you deserve.

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