Niccolo Machiavelli was the originator of the belief "it is better to be feared than to be loved, if you can't have both." This same man thought immoral behavior, such as dishonesty and killing innocents, were normal and effective in politics. Given his background, the truth of this quote should be seriously called into question. In truth, the question of whether or not your children deserve your respect should be a no-brainer: yes, they should.

The only way to argue they do not deserve respect is if love is not a factor, but in Psychology Today Dr. Peter Gray suggests it is useful to "compare and contrast parent-child relationships with husband-wife relationships." He continues by saying "love without respect is dangerous; it can crush the other person, sometimes literally." Professors Richard B. Felson and Mary A. Zielinski wrote a journal article titled, "Children's Self-Esteem and Parental Support." Their findings were the amount of support given to a child by a parent translated into higher feelings of self-esteem or confidence. Frederick Douglass said, "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." If children are our future then doesn't it make sense to raise strong and confident boys and girls?

In education, a teacher who wants respect must give it. Teachers who simply expect respect based on their age or knowledge will be quickly disappointed. Children are some of the best detectors of insincerity. The Golden Rule is an excellent guideline: Treat others as you would want to be treated. How many people swear they will never act as their parents did with them only to give in to preprogrammed responses. The New York Times reports the sad truth of the cyclical nature of abused-to-abuser. Giving no respect or love to a child will often doom them to do the same to their children and the cycle continues.

Dr. John Rosemond is a well-known psychologist who has worked with children and families for many years. He has authored 14 books on parenting and is a nationally syndicated columnist on family issues. He was asked by a reader of the Hartford Courant if he didn't agree that "children should respect adults no matter what?" Dr. Rosemond responded by explaining "an adult earns the respect of children by discharging the responsibilities of his or her "office" in a fashion that causes children to want to obey." Effective leadership or parenting causes the child to give respect willingly and with this respect comes obedience and love.

To paraphrase the cliché, "respect is a two-way street." Author William Paul Young says it well: "Submission is not about authority and it is not obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect." If parents give love and respect to their children they will receive both back in higher measures than if that respect is expected from them. Because they are their parents' children, children are deserving of love, attention, and, yes, respect.

Here are 5 ways of showing respect to your children, according to nationally recognized parenting expert Amy McCready:

Don't give them the 3rd degree

Too many questions make the child feel trapped or untrusted. Try just asking how their day was in a general sense. If there is a doubt as to the answer then follow up with making sure things are okay. A gentler approach will cause trust to begin.

Don't give short answers to questions

In education, teachers are taught to ask follow up questions. Ask the child why they asked the question and what they think the answer should be.

Let your child own his/her own body

Don't fix their hair or spit-shine their face. This is an invasion of personal space. As children get older, this might need to be negotiated. Is a haircut really worth ruining a relationship over? Decide first before making ultimatums.

Let your child speak for themselves

Too often parents want to answer for their child or tell the story of a child's accomplishment instead of letting them speak for themselves. Allowing them to do their own talking helps foster confidence in themselves and a knowledge that the parent trusts them to do their own speaking.

Let them be ready when they're ready

This removes the pressure that leads to power struggles between parents and children. This goes from potty-training to speaking in public to participation in extra-curricular activities. Too much stress is put on the child to do something for the benefit of the parent more than the child.

By using these suggestions and giving love and respect to children, a safer, brighter, and happier future will come to pass. In 423 B.C., Aristophanes wrote "children should be seen and not heard" as very sarcastic way to show what not to do in raising a child. This famous quote has been used out of context for a long time. Using the more common sense approach of love and nurturing a child, parents will gain the greatest compliment they can receive: their children will grow up wanting to be like them.

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In times of trouble and sorrow, it's easy to feel abandoned.

"My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?" -Psalms 22:1

It's easy to praise God when things are good and there is plenty. But, in situations of trial and heartache, it's even more important to stick with God.

A famous example is Job when he has everything taken from him: his things, his friends, his family. His wife tells him in Job 2:9 he should "curse God, and die." However, Job responds in such a way as to remove any doubt of how he feels about his turn of fortune.

"Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?"-Job 2:10

It's necessary to understand that with good comes bad. Rabbi Lazer Gurkow talks on Chabad.org about how life has peaks and valleys. "It is often in the valley that we discover the light." It is when things are the lowest that "it is a relief to learn that it is okay to ask for help." This help can come from God or those who are His helpers.

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."-2 Cor. 12:10

Tragedy and misery are times for building. Questioning God in times of great adversity is normal, but to give up on Him is to give up on the grand purpose.

"If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small." -Prov. 24:10

God has commanded His people to be strong.

"Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." -Joshua 1:9

How do you tell if God is near and how do you stick by Him? The following 3 ways may help.

Pray

One of the first and most important things you can do is pray. 18th-century poet and hymn writer William Cowper said, "Satan trembles when he sees the weakest Christian on his knees." Prayer is communication and not just one-way. Is it fair to doubt God is there if talking to Him hasn't been tried?

Believe He is there

Another way is to look for His works in your life. Something wonderful happens and so many believe it is just coincidence. However, the origin of the word coincidence comes from synkyrian, which is a combination of two words: sunand kurios. Sun means "together with," and kurious means "supreme in authority." So, the word itself means something done with God's influence. It is so easy to forget how much He does in our lives and believe it is all chance and not design.

In the movie The Santa Clause, there is a quote from one of the elves to Scott Calvin who is having a hard time believing in Santa and the North Pole. "Seeing isn't believing. Believing is seeing." How often is something miraculous seen or felt but explained away?

"Having eyes, see ye not? and having ears, hear ye not? and do ye not remember?" -Mark 8:18

Find Him in others

Lastly, look to see God's presence or help in the form of others. There is the well-known story of the rowboat. A religious man is stuck in a flood and goes to his roof to pray for help. He gets offers of help 3 times from other people, but he turns them down because he is sure God will save him. Finally, the flood overcomes him and he finds himself in Heaven where God explains He did try to save him all 3 times.

Like Ezekiel, we need to learn how sometimes God works in quiet ways. 1 Kings 19:11-13 tells us the Lord is not in the great wind, the earthquake, or the fire but in a "still small voice."

It may be easy to feel abandoned, but it is necessary to know hardships are meant to strengthen and challenge. Use these 3 ways to stick by God and to see if He is not always there; and then remember Psalms 46:10:

"Be still, and know that I am God."

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People used to wait for the sound of "You've got mail!" Nowadays, that's too passé and slow. Today people want a reply now. Trending in hashtags and views are the technological equivalent of surf's up. In the rush and bustle of this electronic noise, is religion losing something in translation?

In a study headed by Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego University, researchers analyzed survey data from more than 11 million respondents, consisting of everyone from eighth graders to college-goers in the period between 1966 and 2014, as reported in the journal PLOS One. The trend shows in the difference between 12 percent of college students in 1970 who said they'd never attended a religious service, to today when the number is 27 percent. Students who identified themselves as having no religion went from 13 percent to 25 percent in the same time period.

In his inaugural address on January 20, 1961, President Kennedy said, "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country." Somewhere along the line this viewpoint has been replaced with "Younger generations who are increasingly entitled, self-obsessed and unprepared for the realities of adult life," according to Professor Twenge in the New York Times._

This focus on the individual's needs over any others' is an anathema to religion whose main tenets are about selflessness. "Individualism can be an uncomfortable fit with religion," said Professor Twenge on QZ.com. She continued, "The need to belong hasn't changed. What has changed is how people fulfill it." With options like Facebook, Instagram, etc., people can feel belonging without ever leaving the house. The sense of community has shifted and religion is getting left behind.

Not everyone agrees with Jean Twenge's assessment. Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a research professor in psychology at Clark University said, "I think she is vastly misinterpreting or over-interpreting the data, and I think it's destructive." But Professor Twenge defends her work. "Whereas religion typically emphasizes social norms and appeals to a higher authority, individualism focuses on the self and personal choices," she said in the PLOS ONE journal. Religion has rules and individualism is more narcissistic.

Facebook and other social media may be a challenge to religion, but it has survived the Flood, the Plague, the Inquisition and many others. Parents can monitor to assure moderation in all things. Phones can be turned off and the world will still turn. To paraphrase Thomas Jefferson, eternal vigilance is the price of faith.

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Everyone has anxious moments where their hands sweat, their stomach churns and sleep seems impossible. But what causes these moments - the situation, their upbringing or a certain gene? A question like this evokes an old debate: nature or nurture?

There are two distinct positons held on this topic. There are the nativists, who believe we are products of our heredity or genetic code. The other position are the empiricists "Their basic assumption is that at birth the human mind is a tabula rasa (a blank slate) and that this is gradually 'filled' as a result of experience (e.g. behaviorism)," as reported in SimplyPsychology.org. For all practical purposes, no one today takes either extreme as fact. According to Saul McLeod, "There are simply too many 'facts' on both sides of the argument which are inconsistent with an 'all or nothing' view." Today researchers are trying to figure out what percentage of each makes a person.

According to nativists, brain research has narrowed anxiety and depression down to two chemicals in the brain: serotonin and norepinephrine. The lack of these can cause anxiety and depression. Depending on how much is missing, the results can range from mild anxiety to General Anxiety Disorder, according to Gary D. Vogin, MD, on Web MD. If this research is correct then it is logical to conclude that those who have a genetic disposition to correct levels of these chemicals are much less likely to be unhappy than those who were not so genetically blessed. Prozac and other drugs help compensate for those lacking that gene.

According to empiricists, experiences can affect a person's level of anxiety. If someone goes through a traumatic event like war, a personal loss or the death of a loved one, then it's only normal for anxiety to become worse and worse. "Once the person learns to deal with this traumatic experience and then learns the proper skills to manage the anxiety, then he or she is able to drive while experiencing little to no anxiety at all," The Anxiety Support Network explains. People can learn different strategies to cope with the feeling.

The bottom line is, anxiety is affected by both nature and nurture. It's partly genetic and partly experience that makes people who they are. Science can tell the reason for anxiety, and tell us how to fix it, but science can't keep us from it.

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Does a handful of warmth help you be nicer and have a better day? Yes — it, and many other tactile sensations, cause psychological and biological reactions. Touch and emotion are always entangled.

A study conducted by the University of Colorado and Yale had an employee of the experimenters take study participants up an elevator to a designated testing room. On the way up the elevator, the employee would hand one participant a cup with warm coffee, and another participant a cup with iced coffee.

On arriving at the testing room, participants were asked to rate a fictional person on 10 different traits: honesty vs. dishonesty, humane vs. ruthless, etc. "Those who'd held the warm cup tended to rate the target fictional person as 'warmer' - more humane, trustworthy and friendly - than those who held the iced coffee. In other words, physical warmth produced 'interpersonal warmth' in these participants." This is according to David J. Linden, a John Hopkins neuroscientist, in his book "

The need for tactile to emotional bonding starts early. Infants in institutions or orphanages who don't get held can suffer from developmental delay, which is "when your child does not reach their developmental milestones at the expected times," as stated by the University of Michigan Health System. The article makes clear that this is "an ongoing major or minor delay in the process of development. If your child is temporarily lagging behind, that is not called developmental delay." The result of this delay will show later on, physically and emotionally.

Touch and emotion are so closely related that patients who've suffered damage to the posterior insula or the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex can tell you it is painful when pricked by a needle, but don't associate it with fear anymore, and may often smile amiably while it is happening. It's because those damaged brain regions are involved in processing the emotional aspects of pain.

The development of touch isn't influenced only by physical stimuli, but also by someone's cultural background. Suzi Godson of the Huffington Post reported that in 1967 the humanist psychologist Dr. Sidney Jourard conducted an informal study assessing how often people touched each other during a conversational hour. He traveled to several countries, and would sit in a well-known coffee house watching the patrons. His final tally: "In Puerto Rico he counted 180 touches an hour between two people. In Mexico City it was 185. In Paris it was 115. In Florida it was two, and in London it was a big fat zero." The cultural differences inherent in touching were very telling.

The conclusion is, it's important to make that cup of hot chocolate before heading out the door. It can make a big difference in overall feelings, work habits and interpersonal relations with others. The same cup can be a great ending to a trying day. As Sheldon from "The Big Bang Theory" says, "If you're distressed you need a hot beverage."

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The question whether a child is over-scheduled is answered by examining their quality of life. In the New York Times, Michael Thompson, a clinical psychologist and the author of "The Pressured Child," asks, "Is the child getting enough sleep? Does the child have enough time to do his or her homework?" If they do then the schedule isn't too hard; however, a concern is how parents monitor the activities. Thompson points out that the real problem is parents with a high degree of control of their own schedules trying to do the same with their children's time. In the article, he says, "This leads them to make choices about after-school activities out of anxiety instead of interest in their child's well-being."

This parenting style is referred to as "helicopter parenting." A helicopter parent always directs the child's behavior and allows the child no alone time, according to Ann Dunnewold, Ph. D. in an article on Parents.com. Deborah Gilboa, M.D., founder of AskDoctorG.com explains that consequences of this can be low self-esteem, lack of coping skills, stress and a sense of entitlement. The parents want to be a part of every aspect of their child's life: socially, academically and personally.

These problems can continue into college and careers, according to Jennifer Ludden on NPR.org. A few years ago, helicopter parents were seen on college campuses getting involved in grade changes and schedules, and are now beginning to appear in the workplace. Ludden cites the example of a mother calling the human resource manager of a Denver theme park to tell him how her son should be getting more pay because of his talents.

Children's activities are beneficial if chosen by the child, with no parental micromanaging. What is important is to schedule a time to "chill." Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., a child psychiatrist and author of "The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap," told the New York Times that "enrichment activities are perfect. They add a lot to kids' lives. The problem is, we've lost the ability to balance them with down time, boring time." They need to learn how to use resources within themselves and their environment to be creative. In the effort to create competitive Renaissance children, parents often crush time for creativity, according to Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D. in Psychology Today. Creativity is key to developing cognitive skills such as problem solving, planning and self-evaluation, among others.

If parents wonder if their child is overburdened, Dr. Thompson in the New York Times article suggests parents watch carefully when they drop off or pick up their child for practice, games or performances. The child should be laughing or giggling. There shouldn't be constant dragging of feet in both directions. In the same article, Suniya Luthar, a psychology professor at Columbia University, advises being careful of negativity when the child isn't successful, or portraying the idea that excellence is the only acceptable goal.

Idle hands may be a bad thing, but overly busy ones aren't good either. As in all things, moderation is the key. Kids should have a strong say in what they are doing. Parents should listen and also step back from over-managing and allow some down time.

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His heart's pounding, he's short of breath, and he begins to sweat. He's not exercising. This is a normal man about to propose marriage. What is the guiding factor that makes a man overcome a whole lot of fears and insecurities to ask a woman to marry him? Current society and social media would say it's all about her being beautiful. Cosmetic companies are literally banking on women believing this is true. Fashion is just now coming around to the idea that not everyone is size two. Over 28 percent of fashion purchasers aren't single digit sizes according to THE WEEK.

It's not your makeup or wardrobe

Is media is telling the public what it wants them to believe? Yes, Virginia, there's a real probability. Beauty sells more than average does, but even the fashion industry can't agree on beauty itself. ''Some girls come in and look like nothing, but then you open their book and find they are the face of Prada,'' said Marilena Borgna, public relations director for the designer Alberta Ferretti. ''Some might have no beauty but are interesting. Some are strong but not sophisticated, or sophisticated but too normal to be of use.'' Yugoslavian model Natasha Vojnovic admits, "You need the looks, sure, but people react more to the girl who walks in with the energy.''

It's not how the world sees you

Plato got it right 2300 plus years ago when he said, "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder." Dr. Elizabeth McClintock is more contemporary in Psychology Today when she pointed out that studies show people in a relationship rate the importance of beauty significantly lower than single people. Couples rate their romantic partners much higher in beauty than do unbiased third-party observers proving Shakespeare was right: "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."

It's how you make him feel

The author Catherine Ingram said it well, "When we love, we see beauty; we speak in beauty; we walk in beauty. In love, we are beauty itself." She went on to say, "Beauty is not about how a person, place, or thing looks; it is about how the one who is looking feels."

The previously mentioned man who was agitatedly preparing to "pop the question" isn't doing so because he picked someone out of a catalogue. Putting aside the exceptions, an average man chooses someone he loves. He may already think she is beautiful, but she will become more so as their love grows. A cosmetic company in 1999 used the phrase "beauty is as beauty does," but perhaps the truth lies in beauty does than beauty is. When the man is in love, his wife is beautiful.

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A man's brain has more connections between the front and rear areas; these deal with logic, mathematics, and spatial or geographic skills. The average man knows without looking where the exits are and where he is in relation to other destinations.

A woman's brain has more connections between the right and left portions; these deal with emotional, societal, and inference skills. The average woman knows what is meant by what is said, how it is said, and what wasn't said. She will remember better what took place, why it did, and with a lot more detail.

Memories store better for women due to the high connectivity of the two hemispheres. They are better able to recall names, faces, relationships, and events. Men are more basic in their recall. For example, if a husband asks his wife how her day was, he will get a very detailed answer. Everything is connected to something else in her brain. This event is colored or changed by all five senses with emotional context as well, according to Psychology Today. Her memory isn't just facts but an experience.

If a husband is asked the same question, he goes to his memory and finds nothing specific. There was nothing really bad or really good about the day, so it was fine. He will remember details, but that wasn't what he was asked. He was asked "how" the day was. There is no correlation for him to be able to give a better answer unless he understands the differences between him and his spouse.

However, these differences are beneficial and necessary to a good marriage. Dr. Judy B. Rosener wrote in Harvard Business Review men are linear thinkers; women are holistic thinkers. In a relationship, those two qualities may balance each other out, but thinking holistically may correlate with marital longevity and success. Dr. Willard Harley Jr. from Marriage Builders uses the analogy of a husband and wife standing back to back and describing what they see. Each of them only has the perspective of half the horizon but working together they make a whole.

There are differences in how spouses think and remember things, but acknowledging it allows couples to focus on learning from each other. Instead of tearing each other down because they are different, husbands and wives can try to understand and emulate the strengths of their spouses. Husbands can become better listeners and nurturers. Wives can learn to be blunter in expressing their feelings and ideas.

Dr. Harley says, "It would be a terrible mistake for either of them to claim that they had the only true vision of the world and that the other should be guided exclusively by their vision. It's only when they respect the differences in their perspectives and they learn from them that they gain a complete knowledge of the world." In doing so, love grows deeper, marriage becomes stronger and life gets easier to enjoy.

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"The brains of men and women, while similar in many ways, are more different than most scientists ever realized," says Larry Cahill, Ph.D. Men think in terms of things and results. Women think more in terms of emotions and desired outcomes.

"How was your day?"

I understand coming home from a day at work feeling tired and irritable. I understand you just want to get to your comfy chair (although you don't call it that), but do you understand you're at a crucial moment? "How was your day" is a gateway question; it is a gateway to conversation. Your wife is saying she'd like to talk to you. When you answer with a mono-syllabic word you're effectively shutting the gate, and, depending on how you answered, you might have slammed it shut.

When men are with their friends, they never talk about feelings, relationships or use sentences longer than four or five words. Dr. John Lund, therapist and author, suggests men "become impatient with inefficiency" to the point of finishing others' sentences so they want their answers short and sweet.

"Really. How was your day?"

Conversely, Jim Butcher suggests in his novel, Cold Days, women can have a conversation on five levels at the same time. "They follow the conversation that they're actually having, the conversation that is specifically being avoided, the tone being applied to the overt conversation, the buried conversation that is being covered only in subtext, and finally the other person's body language."

Understanding this helps you see how your answer of "fine" or "okay" is insulting. She is asking because she cares about you, and wants to help you deal with your stress. The way women deal with stress is to talk about it. Men don't often understand this. They're more interested in not thinking or talking about it. If you want good communication in your marriage, get over this.

Bonus points for texting

When your wife asks you about your day, you need to tell her how it went using examples. You need to tell her how you felt about those examples. It takes patience and practice. Something that helps is texting counts! If you don't want to spew forth at the end of the day then text along the way. This shows you are thinking of her and want to share things with her. You'll earn big points doing this.

There's one last thing that's even more important. After you've answered her question appropriately, you need to ask her about her day and listen, just listen. You can comment in appropriate places but understand if she is talking about a problem she doesn't necessarily need you to fix it but just listen and comfort, laugh, or celebrate with her. Use these tips and see how much better your communication is between you and your spouse. She'll wonder what happened but I won't tell if you won't.

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When your wife asks, "How was your day?" it's easy to give a one-word answer like "fine" or "OK." Men are very different in how they see their days as opposed to women. "The brains of men and women, while similar in many ways, are more different than most scientists ever realized," says Larry Cahill, PhD. Men think in terms of things and results. Women think more in terms of emotions and desired outcomes.

I understand coming home from a day at work feeling tired and irritable. I understand you just want to get to your comfy chair (although you don't call it that). But understand you're at a crucial moment. "How was your day?" is a gateway question - a gateway to conversation. Your wife is saying she'd like to talk with you. When you answer with a monosyllabic word, you effectively shut the gate (and depending on how you answer, you might even be slamming it shut).

Men can be friends with others without talking about their feelings and relationships, often using sentences of only four or five words. Dr. John Lund, therapist and author, suggests that men tend to "become impatient with inefficiency." They may even finish others' sentences. They want answers to be short and sweet.

Conversely, Jim Butcher suggests in his novel, "Cold Days," that women can have a conversation using five levels of awareness at the same time. "They follow the conversation that they're actually having, the conversation that is specifically being avoided, the tone being applied to the overt conversation, the buried conversation that is being covered only in subtext, and finally the other person's body language."

See how your answer of "fine" or "OK" could be insulting? Your wife is asking how your day is because she cares about you and wants to help you deal with your stress. The way women deal with stress is to talk about it - something men don't often understand. Men are more interested not thinking or talking about stress. But if you want good communication in your marriage, you need to get over this.

When your wife asks you about your day, you need to tell her how it went using specific examples. Then, you need to tell her how you felt about those examples. This takes patience and practice. If this seems overwhelming to you, remember, texting counts! If you don't want to spew forth at the end of the day, send your wife texts throughout the day describing your experiences. This shows her you are thinking of her and that you want to share things with her, and you'll earn big points in doing so.

The last step is the most important. After you've answered your wife's question appropriately, ask her about her day. Then, listen. Comment in appropriate places, but understand that a woman talking about her problems doesn't necessarily need someone else to fix them for her. She just needs someone to listen and understand.

Use these tips, and see how much better the communication is between you and your spouse.

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