Jessica Larsen – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Fri, 29 Jul 2016 12:42:54 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Jessica Larsen – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 To the boys at the pool that day and the mom who ignored what they did https://www.familytoday.com/family/to-the-boys-at-the-pool-that-day-and-the-mom-who-ignored-what-they-did/ Fri, 29 Jul 2016 12:42:54 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/to-the-boys-at-the-pool-that-day-and-the-mom-who-ignored-what-they-did/ According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center website, one in four girls, and one in six boys, will be…

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It happened when I was eight or nine years old. I don't remember for sure. All I know is I was much too young to understand. I was swimming at the local recreation center with a group of friends. My parents were not there. Another mom had taken us. She was in charge of watching over us and keeping us safe that day.

I was temporarily separated from my friends, working on my mermaid swim as I often did at that age. Feet close together, arms outstretched, I attempted to glide through the water as graceful as a mythical sea creature. I came up for air and someone grabbed me.

I was pulled into a circle of older boys. I'm not sure how old. Before I knew what was happening, they had scattered, laughing.

I was once again alone in the water, completely confused about what had just taken place.

I made my way to the safety of my friend's mom. She was a grown-up. She would know what to do. When I reached her, I started to cry, wishing my own mom was there. She was sitting on a step in the shallow end, talking to another lady. I remember crouching down so even my shoulders stayed submerged in the three feet of water. I was afraid the boys were looking. I told her what had happened, the best I knew how. Some boys grabbed me. They touched me ... wrong. They swam away.

With angry eyes and not more than a glance, she told me telling lies was wrong and not to say such things, then turned back to her conversation.

As a young girl who hated to be in trouble and had a guilty conscience about every ant I accidentally stepped on, I was suddenly sure what had happened was my fault, even if I wasn't sure why or how.

I shivered in a corner of the pool until it was time to go home. I never told anyone else. It was a secret I carried with me until the age of 31. One day the memory of that day in the pool returned to me while talking to my sister about our childhood and guilt. As I told her the story, the details of the day returned. I was sick. And sad. And angry.

According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in four girls and one in six boys will be victims of sexual abuse before they reach the age of 18.

I was taught repeatedly as a child not to show my shoulders because it would "give boys bad thoughts." This was translated in my young mind to mean, "If a boy has bad thoughts, a girl did something wrong to put them there in the first place."

Sometimes when I walk down the street and see leering eyes up ahead, I cringe. I know that even if nothing is said, the looks I get will make me feel violated. Whistles, long looks and nudges are just accepted as "boys being boys, men being men." Is it happening because I'm wearing the wrong thing, walking the wrong way, giving them the wrong impression? Sometimes I have to fight the urge to wonder.

It only happened to me once and it only happened for a few seconds. I endured much less than many others. The experience didn't really affect me. Or did it? Those boys swam away and went on with their lives. They were never called out, never punished. Never told what they had done was unspeakable.

Did anyone else suffer at their hands?

Did they go on to do worse things because they got away with what they did to me?

That mom drove us all home and went about her life. No one ever told her what she had done was also unspeakable. To this mom, I say, you should have stood up for me and protected me. You should have helped me understand what had just happened and why it wasn't my fault at all. You should have told someone. Maybe even gotten those boys thrown out, banned from ever lurking in those waters again.

To those boys I say, do you realize what you did? Do you understand the value of what you stole from me in those brief and fleeting seconds of my young life? What you did that day is not my fault.

Did those boys or that mom ever feel guilty about what they did and didn't do that day?

I no longer feel guilty. I feel heartbroken for any young girl out there who is ever made to feel at fault when she is nothing but a victim.

To anyone out there who has been a victim, I say, it's not your fault. It's not okay. It's never alright. I share this story with a plea to parents and teachers and adults with little ones who trust you. Please look out for them. Please stand up for them. Please educate them.

Let's keep fighting until the statistics change.

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5 questions a man should never ask a woman https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-questions-a-man-should-never-ask-a-woman/ Fri, 08 Jul 2016 06:30:02 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-questions-a-man-should-never-ask-a-woman/ Let's make the world a better and more peaceful place by never having to deal with the repercussions of asking…

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For centuries, men have been perplexed and dismayed by the fairer sex. If only men could read women's minds. It would save us all a lot of trouble. This is not likely to become a reality any time soon. Let's make the world a better and more peaceful place by never having to deal with the reprecussions of asking or answering any of these horrific questions ever again. To make everyone's lives a little easier, here is a peek into a woman's complicated psyche.

1. Do you want dessert?

When a man is dining with a woman, whether she is his wife, his sister, his mother or the girl of his dreams, he should order dessert. Ask the gal which dessert looks best, then order that one and ask for two spoons. Hand her a spoon. If she doesn't want any, she won't eat any. Chances are she wants some. Don't scarf it all down before she has a chance to taste it. Eat it slowly. Give her many chances to take as many small and polite and heavenly bites as she would like. She will love you forever. You're welcome.

2. Have you lost weight?

Asking this questions implies the woman had weight to lose which is never going to go well. Plus, answering this question is unbelievably uncomfortable for most women. How is she supposed to respond? "Why, yes, I'm not as fat as I used to be. Thanks for noticing." Awkward! A much better thing to say is, "Wow! You look great!" or "You are glowing!" or "You look more gorgeous than ever before!"

3. Do you have PMS?

Maybe she does. Maybe she doesn't. Women are emotional creatures and, for many, premenstrual emotions are a very real thing. If a woman seems overly sensitive or irrational, give her a hug. Tell her how lovely she is. Order her some dessert and hand her a spoon with a wink and a smile. Do NOT ask this question. It will only make things worse.

4. Can I kiss you?

If a woman wants to kiss a man, she will most likely let him know with long glances, close proximity, maybe even some leaning in and flirty touches to his arm or knee. If a woman doesn't want to kiss a man, she will often lean away, turn her mouth unnaturally away from his mouth or cross her arms and legs in a defensive posture. In short, watch for the cues. Asking this question is a romance killer. If a woman is leaning in so close it's getting weird not to kiss her, grab her and give her a good old-fashioned smooch. If the vibe she's giving off is confusing, lean in a little and let her make up the difference. If she's acting like she'd rather roll in a den of spiders than get close enough to touch lips, leave her alone and find another more affable female to pucker up to.

5. Are you pregnant?

Guys, never ask this. Ever. If a woman is pregnant, she will be sure to let you know the second she is ready. If she is not pregnant and you ask her if she is, you are in danger of the worst glare you have ever seen or maybe even dealing with tears. If a woman looks pregnant, revert back to the same quotes mentioned above to be used in place of the dreaded "Have you lost weight?" faux pas. Tell her she's gorgeous, glowing, more amazing than ever and go on with your day feeling proud about the massive bullet you undoubtedly just dodged.

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5 ways to bounce back post-baby https://www.familytoday.com/family/5-ways-to-bounce-back-post-baby/ Wed, 06 Jul 2016 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-ways-to-bounce-back-post-baby/ Becoming a mom for the first -- or fifth -- time is an adjustment. Here are five ways to bounce…

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For the entire time a baby resides inside his mother, moms-to-be are to be handled with care. Monthly doctor appointments turn weekly as the delivery date grows nearer to make sure things are going smoothly. Many stores have parking spots reserved exclusively for expectant mothers. Pregnant women are told not to lift heavy things, ride roller coasters, eat deli meat and the list goes on and on.

Then the baby arrives and suddenly the mother is no longer the priority. Unless something went wrong during delivery, most medical professionals won't ask to see mom again until her six week checkup.

Women leave the hospital exhausted and depleted with a helpless little creature in tow. The lucky ones have help and support from partners, family and friends; many have little to no support at all.

Whatever your situation, the arrival of a baby is always an adjustment and never easy. Hang in there. Things will get better. In the mean time, here are five ways to bounce back in style.

1. Respect yourself

Pay homage to the amazing human that you are. You just created a life and brought it into the world. You performed a miracle. Your body needs time to heal and recover. Your emotions are all over the place and that is okay. Respect the common saying that it takes nine months to get a baby to full term and it will take nine months or more for your body and mind to resettle into your new identity as a mother. It's okay to say you don't want visitors or you need a nap. Allow yourself the time and space you need. If others aren't respecting your need to recover, ask them nicely to shape up or ship out.

2. Go easy on yourself

It is inevitable that a magazine cover celebrity or a sister-in-law or a next door neighbor will be boasting a size 2 days or weeks after giving birth. If this is you, wonderful! If not, you are one of the 99.9% that don't have a six pack the second your baby is out. Social media will undoubtedly portray a few new moms looking flawless in spotless homes as they snuggle their little ones and cause you to wonder why you are lacking. This is, once again, not reality for the vast majority. If your house isn't clean, if you didn't take a shower yesterday or the day before that, that's normal. Don't compare yourself to others. Be proud of yourself for keeping your new helpless little human alive and don't sweat the rest.

3. Take care of yourself

For the first six weeks after giving birth, don't even think about losing weight. Put the scale in the basement and only look in the mirror to remind yourself what a beautiful momma you are. Drink plenty of water, do your best to eat healthy, sleep whenever you can and leave the rest for another day. Babies need full-time care. They take a lot of energy. You need to take care of yourself so you have the strength you need to take care of your baby. The house cleaning and the laundry and the bikini can wait. You are in the fourth trimester and the best thing you can do is love your little one while keeping yourself happy and healthy.

4. Trust yourself

Every question you have about what to do and how to do it when it comes to baby-rearing has thousands of contradictory pieces of advice online. Google is your worst enemy when it comes to being a mom. You know better than anyone else what is best for your little one. Many well-meaning friends and family members will be more than happy to offer you advice. Smile, nod and do what you want. The innate ability to know what is best for your babe is one of the many wonderful things that come along with being a mother. Of course there will be times you make mistakes or wonder what the right thing is to do. When in doubt, ask those you trust for advice and find a pediatrician whose opinion you value. Just remember to trust yourself and that mother's intuition is a powerful tool you now possess.

5. Treat yourself

Find something to do every day that is just for you. This could be anything from watching your favorite show to taking a walk in the beautiful morning or listening to your favorite song. You are giving all of yourself to your bundle of joy and it's important that you don't forget you have needs too. If possible, find someone to take over for you for a little bit while you take a bath or go browse the shelves of Target. Treating yourself right will make you a happier, healthier mom.

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7 healthy foods to feed your picky toddler https://www.familytoday.com/family/7-healthy-foods-to-feed-your-picky-toddler/ Fri, 27 May 2016 12:03:34 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/7-healthy-foods-to-feed-your-picky-toddler/ Feeding your little one can be stressful, frustrating, and sometimes downright sob-inducing. Here are 7 tried and true healthy foods…

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Toddlers are notorious for being picky eaters. They have a mind of their own and would often rather blow spit bubbles or throw things on the floor than eat all of the healthy things well-meaning loved ones painstakingly prepare for them.

Unfortunately, there is not a tried-and-true menu to appease all the hungry little tummies and exasperated parents out there, but below are seven healthy foods to try that are cheap, easy and have been happily shoveled into the mouth of at least one persnickety little toddler.

1. Peas

Peas can be purchased frozen in bulk at your local grocery store. They last for months in the freezer and can be warmed up in the microwave in forty-five seconds. They are sweet, soft and are pre-made by nature into bite-sized spheres. They contain high amounts of dietary fiber, vitamin C, vitamin K, iron, potassium and even a little protein. Your little angel won't care about any of this, but chances are he will gobble them up, filling their body with goodness and your heart with glee.

2. Carrots

Cooked carrots are vibrant, easy to chew and swallow, and their flavor isn't as potent as some of the other, more unapproachable vegetables. Carrots can also be purchased in the frozen food section and are often found mixed with peas. Brilliant! These orange dreamboats are also high in vitamin K, vitamin C, potassium, niacin and vitamin E.

3. Grilled salmon

Salmon is full of omega-3 fatty acids that aid in brain development, something toddlers will definitely benefit from as they learn new words and behaviors every single day. Salmon is also a good source of vitamin D, vitamin B12, and, of course, protein. Some may balk at the idea of feeding a toddler such fancy fare, but if cooked correctly, it is soft, easy to chew and breaks apart easily. The sophisticated flavor may become a life-long favorite. A great trick is to mix peas, carrots and salmon together into a lovely pile. It looks so pretty a toddler won't be able to resist at least picking some of it up. Once a toddler has something in her hand, it is going into her mouth eventually.

4. Mandarin oranges

This is another food that can be purchased frozen to ensure freshness and reduce waste. Frozen mandarin oranges are also free of all the sugary syrup the canned variety is soaked in. Serve right out of the freezer broken into halves or thirds. Pieces will still be firm enough to easily pick up for 15 or 20 minutes after being served. They taste just like little pieces of popsicle and contain vitamin A and vitamin C, perfect for fighting off those pesky toddler colds. It will take great restraint not to snatch a few for yourself!

4. Raspberries

Once again, buy these frozen and serve them straight from the freezer. They will get a bit messy about 15 minutes in, so only serve them if a toddler is stripped to his diaper, has an extremely good bib, or you'll be making some tie-dye designs with raspberry juice on his current outfit. The sweet, yet tart, flavor is something different that will surprise and hopefully delight a little one. Raspberries are a great source of potassium, dietary fiber and actually contain more vitamin C than oranges. Another plus is they will give your bouncing baby adorably kissable lips, which is great for getting the most likes ever on your next Instagram post.

6. Whole grain bread

Whole grain bread contains fiber, protein, magnesium and iron; all of these are great for growing little ones. It gives them the soft texture they love and is easy for little fingers to grab. Dress it up with a thin layer of peanut butter or almond butter. There are many different brands available at your local grocery store that are healthy and delicious. Make sure the ingredient list contains "whole-wheat" flour (or some other "whole grain" flour). Stay away from brands that contain high-fructose corn syrup or other sources of added sugar. If gluten intolerance is an issue, there are gluten-free options that are also great for little tongues and tummies.

7. String cheese

String cheese is fun to pull apart or eat in one big chunk. It is a great source of calcium and protein. The taste is mild, but salty enough to satisfy a toddler's salt craving without handing them a bag of chips or a carton of french fries. It is soft and will keep them happily munching while you cry tears of joy over their new-found love of kid cuisine.

Bon appetit!

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To the stay-at-home moms and working moms, stop judging each other https://www.familytoday.com/family/to-the-stay-at-home-moms-and-working-moms-stop-judging-each-other/ Tue, 24 May 2016 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/to-the-stay-at-home-moms-and-working-moms-stop-judging-each-other/ Some of us work. Some of us stay at home. All of us judge each other. It's time to stop.

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Motherhood: an unexpected journey we sometimes plan and prepare to embark on for nine long months without having any idea what we are truly in for. Some of us moms work. Some of us stay at home. All of us judge each other.

Just a little bit.

A little bit is too much. The stay-at-home moms judge the working moms. The working moms judge the stay-at-home moms. Maybe we can't help it. Maybe things will never change. Or maybe, like the Civil War and the Biggie-Tupac feud and the Ice Age, things will change, eventually, but not without some casualties.

I am a teacher and consider myself a working mom during the school year and a stay-at-home mom during summer break. Both staying at home and working are extremely challenging in different ways. Both have made me ugly cry.

As a mom who has experience staying home and experience working, I would like to offer what I have learned and a plea for everyone to give each other a break.

Whether you stay at home or you work, whatever your reasons, please consider giving moms around the globe a little more credit, a little more kindness and a lot less judgement. Both lifestyles bring many positive things to the family. Both bring judgement from others.

I hesitantly admit, while I am working, I feel resentment towards the stay-at-home moms I bump into and, when I am at home, I resent the fact that I never seem to get a break. On more than one occasion, I've found myself thinking: Grrrrrr. That mom over there ... Oops. Nevermind. She's doing the best she can and so am I. Experiencing both sides of the judging has helped me to check myself before I wreck myself.

I want everyone to go easy on me when I make a mom mistake because I am honestly trying extremely, painstakingly hard to do a good job. But, I find myself not going easy on other moms far too often. There are many things I wish I could say to other moms when I feel like I'm being judged, whether I really am or not.

So, here are ten things I am considering printing out and laminating to hold up to other moms when things get rough and I feel those judgy eyes. Those terrifying other-mother eyes.

When I'm a stay-at-home mom:

Please don't judge my appearance

I realize I'm in my workout clothes and it's 7 p.m. No, I have not showered. Not today. Not yesterday. Not even the day before that. I can chase and crawl and climb and grab in these clothes. I know there is a big oatmeal stain on my sleeve and applesauce in my hair. If I had time to wash it out, don't you think I would have?

Please don't judge my mothering

Yes, I am staring at my phone and completely zoning out while my baby chews on the bottom of the playground slide. I just need a minute to reset and chill. Relax. If he bites off a piece of the slide or your child's ear, I will intervene. Otherwise, I need just a MINUTE to myself, okay?

Please don't judge my "free time"

Nap time is not a break. I do not sit in a bath tub full of bubbles and rose petals and sigh in delight during this time. Any encounters I have with the tub involve scrubbing poop with bleach or gathering up cups and rubber ducks. Nap time is the only chance I get take care of every task I have needed to do for the last five hours since the last time sleep finally overtook my little one.

I need to pee, drink water, change the wash, cry for a second, eat a bite of peanut butter and jelly crust, wash some bottles, put the milk back in the fridge, scream into a pillow, pick up a million tiny toy cars and LEGOs and army men, eat a few Cheerios off of the floor and tuck my dang hair behind my dang ear. Nap time is NOT A BREAK, and sleep when the baby sleeps is utter rubbish.

Please don't judge my need to talk

I know I'm being creepy and talking your ear off when I don't know you at all. I'm sorry about my overly friendly smile and enthusiastic nodding. It's been a very long time since I talked to another grown-up person. I need to talk to you. You must be my friend. If you aren't my friend right now, I might start talking to that tree over there. I'm sorry if I say "bye-bye" in a high pitched, sing-songy voice when I leave your presence.

Please don't judge my "easy" life

Being a stay at home mom is really, really, really hard.

When I'm a working mom:

Please don't judge my child

I realize it's 3 p.m. and my child is playing on the playground in footie-pajamas while yours is dressed to the nines with matching shoes and a hat.

I dropped my little one off at the babysitter when it was still dark outside after quickly force-feeding him oatmeal. I did not have time to change his clothes. I felt making sure he got some nourishment before leaving him crying and reaching for me was important. I couldn't spend 20 minutes wrestling him into a bow tie, suspenders and saddle shoes.

When I picked him up a few minutes ago, he wanted to stay outside and play. The park is just a minute away from the sitter and with the morning stress of feeding him, feeding myself, putting on mascara and packing his lunch plus snacks for the day, I didn't remember to pack his fancy park outfit.

Please don't judge my gushing

Yes, I'm staring at my child like he's a magical forest creature from heaven and overly reacting to every sneeze and laugh. I missed him so much all day and want to shower him with more-than-enough love and attention after being away from him for way too long.

I know I seem obsessed with him, but come on. He just said "Ba" and pointed at those kids over there playing soccer. He's a freakin' genius. And who knows how many times he already said "Ba" that I completely missed because I was at work?

Please don't judge my absence

Book clubs and baby showers and bake sales are not really on my radar right now. I understand that for many moms these activities break up the monotony and lend themselves to adult time. I have all the adult time I can handle at work, and then some.

I want kid time. Lots and lots of it. I also want alone time. I need to relax for five minutes a month or I might just lose my mind. These activities are fun but not really restful. My nights and weekends are for laundry, grocery shopping and baby snuggles. I don't have time to bake toast, let alone fifty pink cupcakes for Betsy's baby shower. I'm busy reading "Hop on Pop" for the twentieth time - I'm not interested in "Fifty Shades of Lame." Please don't be offended if I say "No thanks" and RSVP that I'm not coming for the third time this month.

It's not personal. It's survival.

Please don't judge my work

Some moms work because they have no choice. They need the income or the insurance or both to support their families. Some moms work because it gives them a break or an identity. They may feel it makes them a better person and a better mom.

No one works because they love their children any less than those women who choose to stay home.

Please don't tell me you can't imagine leaving your children or that you don't understand why people have children only to have someone else raise them or that you are making sacrifices so you can stay home with your children.

The reason I work is my business. Whether I choose to do it or do it out of necessity, it doesn't help to hear why you think it is best to stay home. I'm glad you do; I'm glad you can; all I ask is that you are glad for me too.

Please don't judge my "easy" life

Being a working mom is really, really, really hard.

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