We often hear of the repercussions of a home without a husband and father-the statistics can be haunting, the collateral damage is immeasurable. As the prophet Malachi warns us, the absence of a father brings with it a decree of utter destruction. The facts are indisputable when a husband leaves the home the family suffers.

Jesus said, "If a household is divided against itself, that household can't survive." (Mark 3:25)

I have lived a very dramatic contrast-I was raised in a house of division, but when I became an adult, my wife, Kay and I built a home of peace. Our three children are now all married and building their own homes. We have the privilege of seeing them each navigate the challenges that life brings with faith and the perseverance that is required to secure their homes.

Recently, a friend asked, "Neil, what are the keys that you and Kay implemented in building your home?"

Here are five things a husband brings into the home:

Security

Jesus teaches that the thief comes only for the purpose to steal, kill, and to destroy. Your nemesis hates your home. He knows that before he can take your possessions he must first tie you up. He considers you a strong man. You're the protector of the home. You bring to your home a security-a spiritual authority to protect your turf.

If Satan can get you bound or remove you from being the gate of authority to your home, he has full access to ransack your home.

When I was a teenager, our home was robbed. Someone broke into the garage and stole all kinds of equipment, tools and motorcycles. I had two bikes that I raced. They were both taken. If you've ever been robbed, you know the feeling that comes with it-a vulnerability and insecurity that makes you feel violated.

A vital attribute of being a husband is to bring security to the home.

Stability

The husband brings foundational words; words you can build your life upon. Often times our children will roll their eyes and our wives may give us a humored grin at our mantras, maxims, and adages-but with repetition, these foundational principles become stabilizing to them.

However, let me encourage you to speak clearly and with conviction. If any of your words matter than all of your words matter.

Zechariah was receiving very disturbing messages when speaking with an angel, so the Lord turned to the angel and spoke "kind and comforting words." It is very revealing to see the character of God by reassuring the angel who was speaking with the prophet. Rather than speaking down to or dismissive to the angel, God speaks gentle and reassuring words to him.

"Confidence is contagious. So is the lack of confidence." -Vince Lombardi

In the same way, as husbands and fathers, our words should be kind and comforting, bringing stability to our family's confidence.

Culture

The atmosphere that you allow in your home becomes the culture of your children.

Kay and I were very careful to maintain a home of peace. We would not allow strife into our home. The Bible says that where there is strife there is every form of evil. I truly believe that strife manifests the presence of evil.

It has become increasingly difficult to monitor the "voices" that are allowed to speak into our homes-the internet, smartphones and television has invited influences that are not always in agreement with our belief systems. I am sure that internet filters and monitoring controls for these devices are helpful but if we do not protect the atmosphere of our homes, we will not see it become a culture for our children.

"The home is the chief school of human virtues." - William Ellery Channing

We don't hear much about culture in the home but it's very important. Conversation, books, politeness and manners may sound like archaic ideals but in reality these can and should become the attributes of our homes.

If you teach your children how to conduct themselves at home, they will have no problem behaving in public.

Laughter

My wife purchased decorative letters at Hobby Lobby and hung them in the breakfast room. The huge letters spelled out L-A-U-G-H. It was a constant reminder that we should enjoy our home.

With all of the challenges that we're facing as families, it's a good reminder that laughter is good medicine.

I realize you may be facing some real issues and stresses, but it may really help if you can lighten up a little- especially around your wife and kids.

Strength

"Be strong and be a man!" -David (1 Kings 2:2)

Do not attempt to draw your strength from your wife and kids. Don't whine and mumble about the burdens that you're carrying. Don't complain every time that your children need clothes or need something from school.

Go to God and draw your strength from Him, then turn and strengthen your family.

Don't be weak and whiny. Don't put the burden on them. They're children.

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. - 1 Peter 3:7

Wow! Did you see that? The manner in which you treat your wife can close up the heavens for your prayers.

My wife and I have enjoyed a tremendous relationship. However, early in our marriage, I was upset about something that was happening (I actually can't remember why). I'm ashamed to say that I attempted to get my way by sulking and pouting for a few days. After my morning prayer time, I walked into the kitchen when Kay looked at me and said, "You're wasting your time praying while you're treating me like this. God isn't going to side with you on this matter."

She was right.

I immediately asked her to forgive me and that I would not continue to sulk to get my way. I realized that my pouty ways were a childish and weak way to deal with my disappointments. From that day forward, I learned to get my strength from God and strengthen my family from my prayer time.

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Being average is addictive.

But don't downgrade your dreams to match your reality - upgrade your skills to match your destiny.

Here are 9 keys to break the habit of average:

1. Do daily what the average do occasionally

You will never break mediocrity with a half-hearted effort. A lot of people expect an excellent life while giving only 80-percent effort.

It is widely accepted that it takes 21 days to create a habit. Decide to do something that is beyond the norm for the next 21 days.

2. Don't believe in luck

Champions believe in practice. You may be gifted, but your gift must be exercised. You must sharpen your skill set. As Benjamin Franklin mused, "Diligence is the mother of good luck."

Rather than giving the credit of all good fortune to luck, study the lives of those who are succeeding in the areas you're not. Learn the principles they've chosen to live by and adopt them as your own. Read a biography of someone who succeeded in an area you'd like to focus on.

3. Don't compromise

The opposite of courage isn't fear; it's compromise. Don't be surprised by the claws of compromise that will grasp at you to keep you from taking one step beyond being average.

Write a statement affirming your desire for excellence and place it on the bathroom mirror to remind yourself every morning to be encouraged. You could write something like, "For some, being average is the ceiling. For others, being average is the floor. Stand up rather than stoop down."

4. Increase your potential by investing

The moment you invest in something worthwhile, you double your potential.

Jesus taught this principle with a story of a man who entrusted his money to three managers. Two of the three doubled their money. The third manager hid away his money and didn't invest it to make more. The unfaithful manager was fired and lost the money he had once been given.

Carefully examine your life. Have you hidden something that should have been invested? Instead of thinking in terms of money, think in terms of talent.

5. Drown out the haters

Those who no longer dream, often despise those who still dare to dream.

I've noticed many people give up on their dreams. And, rather than cheering on others, they often do everything that they can to discourage dreamers.

On your way to becoming your best self, you will likely face opposition from average thinkers. Those who have chosen to settle often like to clash with those who want to break out of the norm. You may face criticism, even disdain, as you step away from the pack.

But just because someone has a voice doesn't mean that they should be heard. You do not have to allow everyone to affect your life.

Carefully discern how you feel in the presence of others. Are there voices mocking your motivations? Are you encouraged or defeated in the presence of others?

6. Never say, "Good enough"

No one stands up to applaud mediocrity. Participation trophies are supposed to make all feel like winners; but, in reality, they belittle efforts of excellence and reward the slothfulness of average.

Your motivation is excellence, which means you can always improve. After you experience a win, evaluate your efforts and work to make them even better.

What have you allowed to become acceptable? What can you do better?

7. Resist the temptation of comfort

I have discovered there is a constant temptation to settle. You must step out of your comfort zone to achieve the next level of success. Note, I said "step" not "leap." Steps are much more doable than leaps.

By breaking a goal down into achievable steps, it seems much more achievable. To progress, you must go be okay with being uncomfortable, but you can ease the discomfort by setting a goal for a certain period of time, like 90 days, and taking it one step at a time.

What do you want to change in the next 90 days? Don't procrastinate it and expect to jump to a finish.

8. Deny present appetites and focus on your purpose

One of the best ways to break the habit of average is to discover and pursue a purpose that is greater than your appetite. Temporary cravings will pass if you switch your focus. Purpose gives you directional intent. Keep your eyes on the prize.

A purpose is most useful when it is clearly defined. Find a picture that represents your purpose. Print it and put it in a place you will see often.

9. Look forward

It's time to shake off average. It's time to move ahead. Excellence is the pursuit of better. It is important to realize there will be times when you hit a roadblock. It will seem as if all of your momentum has been lost; yet, don't allow yourself to settle.

In the pursuit of your dream, do not allow a stop-over to become a settlement. You are more than what you've been and not nearly what you'll be.

A rearview mirror is handy for an occasional glance back to see where you've been. A windshield is for viewing where you're going. Take a quick look at how far you've come. Appreciate the progress you've made. Now, look ahead and keep moving.

This article was originally published on FiveStarMan.com. It has been republished here with permission.

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When my daughter Courtney was in her early teens, she approached me with a determined look upon her face. It was the look of tenacity and expectancy. She emphatically said, "Dad, I need a new phone." I replied, "I don't believe that you 'need' a new phone - I think that you 'want' a new phone." I explained further the difference between a need and a want. "OK, you're right. But I also know that you are a kind, good and loving father. One who delights in granting the desires of my heart. Daddy, I want a new phone. Would you consider buying me one?"

She skillfully appealed to my nature as a father. At that point, I said, "Yes, I will look at getting a new phone for you." My daughter hugged me and thanked me for the new phone. Even though she had not physically received it, she left knowing that I would do what I said I would do - I would get her a new phone. In the next couple of days, she wouldn't ask me for the phone; she would thank me for it. She didn't have it in her hands, but she knew that for me to be true to my character meant that I would keep my promise to her.

In a few days, my little girl got her new phone. This is to illustrate a pretty basic truth about how to make sure that God always hears our prayers, which is to say, when we approach God to make a request, it should be based upon His character, His nature as a Father, His goodness and His kindness that is so expensively expressed toward us.

Here are four keys to make sure that God always hears your prayers:

1. Approach your Father with confidence

And we are confident that He hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases Him (1 John 5:14). Can we approach God with confidence when we are asking for a "want"? Can asking for something that we desire be pleasing to God? Yes, absolutely. In fact, I would argue that we're demonstrating a true nature of a child when we approach God with a desire. A child has a confidence when they approach their parents, and is basing his or her relationship on the character of the parent, not on the merits of his or her own accomplishments. Your Father is magnified and delights when you are doing well. This should give you confidence when you approach Him.

2. Know your Father keeps His word

When I had promised my daughter that she would get the new phone, she no longer petitioned me with the request. She knew that my promise and my character must be in agreement. "Dad, you said that you would get me a new phone. Do you know when I can expect it?" She would remind me. As a father, I cannot be true to my character without being in agreement with what I have spoken. The same is true with the nature and character of our Father. Jesus described the process in the parable of the sower and then interpreted the parable by explaining that the seed is the Word of God (Luke 8:11). He is true to His Word.

3. Know that your Father is a rewarder

When my children were in my home, they knew that their needs would be met without question. They never once asked, "Dad, do I get to eat today?" They never once begged for bread. I worked diligently so that the pantry and refrigerator were abundantly supplied. I also taught that it is much better to live under my blessings, than living in rebellion outside of my will. If my child showed ingratitude toward me, I could easily turn off their phones, remove TVs, withdraw extracurricular activities or reclaim a car. However, they knew that when their attitudes and behavior was pleasing to me, I was a rewarder. I was extremely generous to obedience. I hear people talk about the "unconditional" love of a parent, and yes, I love my children, but that doesn't mean that they get all of my benefits without conditions. I cannot reward disobedience, deceit or destructive behavior. In the same way, as children of God, the blessings that come from prayer are conditional on our integrity and obedience to live according to His ways.

4. Know that your Father loves you

Listen to this amazing statement by Jesus, "the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God" (John 16:27). I've reread this statement hundreds of times. I am amazed at the implications of the promise that the Father loves me - specifically and individually - He loves me. And your Father loves you. We are very close in proximity to Him. We're not treated with distance. Jesus is saying that we will personally approach the Father. My children know me personally. They have proximity to me. They are able to approach me with boldness, because they know my love for them is personal.

Prayer is an amazing opportunity for those who believe. Each of us has the privilege to pray to our Father and know that He hears us. Unfortunately, many people do not exercise the privilege of prayer. I hope this serves as an encouragement that you can approach your Father and know that He will listen to you.

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My wife Kay and I are closing in on 30 years of marriage. I must admit that our marriage is better than I ever expected it to be and seems to get better with age. There are many factors that make for a good marriage; some are tangible, like provision (shelter, food) and protection (financial security, safety). Other factors are less concrete but are just as real. Understanding, respect, empathy, and other qualities are just as important in a happy marriage. As important as all these factors are, here are 5 habits of men in the happiest marriages:

1. Grooming
Do you remember what it was like to go on your first dates together? You probably put a lot of effort into making yourself as presentable as possible. Unfortunately, somewhere in the daily grind, men seem to lower their standard of physical presentation. It doesn't have to be that way. I strongly recommend that you take pride in your appearance; don't brush off grooming and hygeine like it doesn't matter.

I've seen an evil under the sun. A middle-aged man goes into a marriage crisis and finds himself alone. What does he do now? He goes on a diet, updates his wardrobe, goes to the barber, joins a fitness center, and gets a new car. Why? Because he is trying to reclaim his manhood, trying to make himself more attractive. I recommend that you do these things but while you're married.

2. Cleaning
One of the first principles that my wife and I implemented in our marriage was that we would not go to bed with the house in disarray. It made for a restless night for me if the house wasn't in order. To make sure our house was clean and neat, I always helped around the house. I have a habit of picking up after myself. If I see a need, I fulfill it. If there are dishes that need to be washed or put in the dishwasher, I do it without thinking. We're in this together and we want our house to be comfortable. Amazingly, we've found that this simple habit helps us keep strife out of our home.

3. Attention

We're living in a very distracted culture. Take a look around the restaurant the next time that you're out. How many couples are looking at their phones rather than at each other? We are very connected, without being intimate. I've made it a habit to leave my phone off or on silent when I am with my wife. When we talk, I look at her and make eye contact. I listen and really engage in the conversation, regardless of what we're talking about. I am blessed that my wife is one of the smartest people that I've ever met (and I've met a lot of really smart people). After 30-years of marriage, she is still intriguing to me.

4. Affection

Affection is emotional and physical attention. Giving affection is something that a man should be proactive in doing. Some men get out of the habit of the pursuing their wife. They allow their hands to become cold, their words become boring, and their heart to become hardened.

The happiest marriages are those who are very active and proactive in affection. Again, it gets better with age. The longer your marriage endures the more precious it becomes.

5. Prayer

I am not sure why it was difficult for me to start this habit but once I did, it brought us together closer than anything else. I want my prayer time with my wife to be authentic, private and intimate. I started preparing, having communion and praying with my wife when we set aside the Tithe to be paid to our church. It really has become one of our most cherished times together. We celebrate the goodness of God in our lives, for our families, and in the provision of our household. Prayer is a difference found in happy marriages.

Our three children have all gotten married within the last five years. It is interesting to see each of them navigate their young marriages and develop their habits within their relationships. It really is a miracle when two people come together in covenant to embark on their joint venture and learn to work together to have a happy marriage. Developing a few good practical habits early on will help their marriages remain strong and youthful through the many years together.

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I didn't have a father to raise me. Yes, my mother remarried after my father exited our lives when I was five, but her new husband was not a father to me. We occupied the same home, but he didn't mentor me. I wish I could express gratitude for his provision; frankly, the deficits completely outweigh any addition that he might have brought.

Even as a boy, as naive as I was, I still had a goal that motivated me concerning the kind of man I wanted to be. It was simple. I had a deep desire to be the kind of man I always wanted my mother to be married to. This became my cause. I wanted to be the hero in my story.

I can't imagine the struggle that you may be facing as a mother, but I want to encourage you. The fact that you are reading this article already testifies that you have a cause worth fighting for: the raising of your son.

"Is there not a cause?" - King David

Your son wants a cause worthy of a fight. He wants to make a difference in the world. If your son doesn't have a cause worth fighting for he will find the wrong thing to fight against.

We're seeing a generation of young people who really don't have anything to fight for. Confused by the empty rhetoric of false causes, they rally on Wall Street against an unknown identity, the top 1%. They have food, clothing, elite-educations, all the while holding their Starbucks cinnamon dolcé lattes, but they're angry enough to sleep in the parks for their cause, no matter how silly and undeserving of a cause it may be. This is not the kind of cause that you want to raise your son to fight for. It's not worthy of him.

You should remember that you are preparing your son for his mission. I know that's a pretty heavy statement, but it's true. You're not just raising and executive, or an athlete, or a professional salesman, you're raising a man on a mission.

Your goal is not to raise a good boy; your goal is to raise a man. You are assigned the responsibility to raise a boy who has a deep reservoir of purpose within him. That purpose is a philanthropic cause.

Make it significant

Every man has a deep desire to do something of significance. To live beyond one's self is the desire of an authentic man. When you draw upon this deep passion within your son, you will discover that his purpose to live for the sake of others taps into a creativity and spiritual consciousness that will not be revealed in any other way.

Tapping into this depth of purpose will truly distinguish your son from the crowd. Few men ever get to this level of understanding. Most men are too busy living for themselves or being tripped up in the silly little snares of sophomoric pursuits.

If you want your son to experience the highest level of pure joy and satisfaction in life, train your son to live for a cause. Elevate his pursuits above cars, clothes, and cottages. Lift him up to the desire to fight for a cause.

Help him use his resources

An authentic man understands that he uses his entrepreneurial drive to gain the resources, influence and finances in his life to meet his needs, to provide for his family and to leave them an inheritance, but he has also accumulated enough to leave the world a better place because he has lived.

God wants each of us to be obsessively preoccupied with the needs and desires of His other children. - Rabbi Daniel Lapin

You want your son to fight for a cause, but that cause should be worthy of him.

The motivation of my childhood has continued into my manhood. When I awaken every morning with the burning passion to be a better man than I was yesterday.

You are appreciated

Until your son is old enough and wise enough to show his gratitude for your efforts, please let me express it on his behalf, "Thanks, mom for what you're doing to raise a man."

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There are numerous studies that prove clothing can help a child have confidence and perform better in school. After the evidence had been gathered, many schools adopted a policy of school uniforms. I've seen firsthand how clothing can elevate the confidence of a child.

My wife and I sponsor children through a sponsorship network called Latin America Childcare. They provide education, a uniform, meals, and, at times, healthcare to impoverished children in over 20 countries throughout Latin America. I've been there when children were given uniforms-their eyes light up with excitement and pride.

It will be no different for your child. Having your son dress appropriately for each occasion will elevate his confidence and give him a sense of self-respect.

Teaching your son to dress appropriately will help him excel in life

Some mothers stumble on the idea that we should put such attention on clothing, citing the scriptural mantra: "Men look on the outward appearance, but God examines the heart (1 Samuel 16:7)." While that is very true, it doesn't exclude the fact that men look on the outward appearance. We may not like it, but it is true, there is a lot of determination about a person by the way they dress. As a matter of fact, it takes milliseconds to make a first impression.

Ask yourself these questions when directing your son in his clothing selections

1. Is this appropriate for the occasion?

2. Will this attire draw attention by overdressing or by underdressing? (Steer clear of either.)

3. How does he feel about himself in these clothes? Does he look confident or uncomfortable?

4. Is this an appropriate "uniform" for the event, sport or activity?

5. Is his outfit considered in style?

Cost of clothing

Don't worry; it doesn't have to cost you a small fortune to dress your son fashionably. Help him choose a few staple items that fit him well: jeans, white t-shirts, button down shirts, a pair of casual pants, a nice belt and shoes. Then, allow him to express his personality in inexpensive seasonal styles, like hats and graphic t-shirts (stores like H&M are a great option for these items).

Teach your son if a staple item doesn't fit properly, you can simply take it to a tailor. Plan ahead for big purchases, like your son's first suit.

Follow along with men's fashion

Know what is in style for your son and what will make him feel the most comfortable around his friends.

However, I recommend you do not allow your son to develop extremes in his clothes. A lot of boys adopt clothing that becomes a statement of rebellion or identifies them to a set of "beliefs" that are attached to music. If this is the case for your son, I would work very hard to distance him from those extremes.

Remember: the goal is to give your son the confidence he needs in his appearance, so he can focus on developing the skills he needs in life.

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The human touch has incredible potential. The hand is a point of contact that has benefits - physiologically, emotionally, and even spiritually."¨"¨"¨"¨

Maybe it's a good time to remind wives how meaningful their touch is to their husbands. Sometimes wives can allow a distance in their relationship with their husband because of his rough exterior or his lack of emotion.

I hope to encourage you to reach for your husband and let him know how much he means to you. Sharing your soft touch with him will certainly soften up his demeanor. Here are seven meaningful touches your husband is waiting for:"¨"¨"¨

1. When he is working around the house, bringing him a beverage is a huge sign that you notice his efforts to make your home a place to enjoy. Reaching for him at this time is huge in showing him your gratitude. It will prompt him to do much more, more often.

2. Slipping a handwritten note into his briefcase or laying it on the console of his truck will cause him to think about you during the day. He'll work hard, but he will also hurry home.

3. I know this one may cause you to cringe, but at least consider it: massage his feet. It would be the modern equivalent of a foot washing. It is humbling, and possibly pretty gross. However, it would be an incredible touch of kindness and expression of love.

4. Obviously your husband doesn't want flowers, but a ticket to his favorite game would be an awesome touch.

5. Plan your day and save some energy for your husband. Approach him for intimacy. Don't always make him be the pursuer.

6. Reach for him at random times. While watching television, walking, or at a restaurant. A public display of affection initiated by you is admirable. It shows a level of respect and honor that is rarely demonstrated in modern culture.

7. Rub his shoulders. Most men hold their stress in their neck and shoulder areas. Your touch will release the heavy burden he is carrying.

"¨"¨Bonus Touch"¨"¨:

Let me add that if you do this one, the impact could be immeasurable. As he is leaving the house and pulling out of the driveway, watch him from the window. Pray for blessings over him, expressing gratitude for who he is, and asking God to empower the work of his hands. He may not see you or know that you do it, but your touch will be worked through God's hands, blessing all that he does.

"¨"¨Reach for your husband. He needs you.

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Taking your son to an old-style barber shop will help him to be comfortable in the atmosphere of men. He will be welcomed, and will hear the language of men - not necessarily always a good thing - but it is important for him to distinguish the rhythms and mannerisms that men have in conversation.

Depending on your son's age, it may be important for you to talk to the barber at the first visit. Thereafter, you should allow him to walk in and find his place among the men.

This may seem like a trivial experience to you, but I can assure you that it will increase his confidence and social skills.

Do your homework, and ask around to find a good barber. Teach your son to communicate exactly what he wants in his haircut. He should exercise authority over his own hair. This will establish him in his place of manliness. If the barber doesn't listen and respect your son's wishes, find a new barber.

Exposing your son to places where men gather is important for him to develop into manhood. Men relate to things differently than women. The banter and humor of men is an art form that sharpens us. Men often cloak a lot of wisdom in their humor. Giving your son the opportunity to be around other men will help him as he is maturing into manhood.

One of the real challenges that we face in society today is that we've segregated the generations from one another. A boy becomes a man by being around and learning from other men. The local barber shop can be just the place to get your son started.

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By reading biographies, your son can be saved from an enormous amount pain simply by learning the lessons of other men. Here's a list of five men that your son needs to know:

Sam Walton

The primary reason that I recommend Mr. Walton is that his story is rarely known beyond the obvious success of Walmart. His innovations in retail merchandizing are truly amazing. The fact that he built his wealth by focusing on driving prices down for the average household is a true testament to his frugality and common sense practicality.

Boone Pickens

The lesson to learn from Mr. Pickens is to always look beneath the surface to discover wealth. His business skills originally were sharpened at the age of twelve when he expanded his paper route. This lesson became his mantra of business as he became the "take over" king of business.

Benjamin Franklin

Have your son learn lessons that are beyond the obvious of Mr. Franklin. He was a brilliant man. His use of language is masterful. His ability to imagine beyond the restraints of his era is remarkable.

David Green

I haven't read a biography that I've learned more practical wisdom from than Mr. Green's More Than a Hobby. The son of a minister and as a small town merchant, his devotion to doing business with Biblical principles is inspirational.

Dave Ramsey

I continue to be amazed at the skill set of Mr. Ramsey. I don't know of anyone who has done more for educating people regarding common sense financial management than Dave. His "baby steps" are a perfect outline to live financially free from debt.

This is a short list. We need to write sequels to this article, but this will get your son started with some great men to emulate. I also recommend this one resource I continue to go back to often. Read The Richest Man in Town, written by Randall Jones._

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We sat outside in the plaza of a coffee shop. He looked worn out, tired and frustrated. He sighed out in anguish, "I've retained an attorney. I have no other choice. We're just not getting along. She wants to live like she's still single. I want to have a marriage and a peaceful home. She wants to party. I want a wife that will pray with me and believe God for a great life. She's just not the person I thought she was."

Although I am not a marriage counselor and seldom take on the daunting task, I did offer my friend some advice. I suggested he stop trying to fix her and make or mold her into a religious woman and begin to be the husband he should be. I explained that the word, husband, means, 'husbandry', it means to 'cultivate.' He needed to speak words as if they were seeds planted within her for an expected harvest in return. Rather than focus on what she is not, pay attention to what attracted you to her in the first place. Show gratitude for her and treat her as a beautiful bride, rather than an unclean person who doesn't know God.

He left that day with a small glimmer of hope. He called the attorney to put the divorce process on hold and began to do what I suggested. Within a year, not only was their marriage saved, they were thriving with a new child and a peaceful and prosperous home. She began to attend church with him, and they began to pray together.

I later asked, "When was the breakthrough in your marriage?"

He said, "One day, she was facing a difficult situation at work. She was overwhelmed with stress from it. I gently took her hand and asked, 'Do you mind if I speak a blessing over your day at work?' Amazingly, she said, 'Please, I need it.' That was the beginning of it all."

Here are some steps to get a non-religious spouse to pray with you.

Don't consider them unclean

This is one of the most crucial mistakes we make in relationships. This attitude reeks with judgmentalism. It repels our spouse as if our religion is a bad odor. The Apostle Paul said, "For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband." (1 Corinthians 7:14)

Your example of faith will have a cleansing effect on your unbelieving spouse. Paul also said, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. (Ephesians 5:25) In other words, speak kind and comforting words that build up, encourage, and strengthen your spouse. Don't speak negative words and expect positive results.

Create and protect the atmosphere of your home

Don't allow strife to enter in. Where there is strife, there is every evil work. Don't underestimate the destructive power of strife. It's obvious that music creates an atmosphere. Television can have a huge impact on the home. Nothing can set the tone of the home like your words.

Attend a church that supports healthy, positive relationships

A church that promotes the ideas of healthy marriages. One that provides safe and nurturing programs for children. Has the fruit of your pastor's teaching produced a healthy family in his home? Does the leadership in your church model a strong family life? If a leader cannot be faithful to his own marriage, what makes you think he will honor yours?

Keep your relations confidential

My friend confided in me regarding his marriage, but I quickly pointed the conversation to him and his issues, not hers. She wasn't there to be in the conversation so it would have been inappropriate to talk about her. Guys, no locker room talk. Don't talk about your sex life. Ladies, don't belittle or demean your husband to your girlfriends. Keep your marriage bed holy.

Show gratitude for your spouse

Your spouse connected with you, your dreams and your ambitions are all part of the shared hope you have together. Don't stop dreaming together.

Speak kind and comforting words

I saw this example in scripture, and it overwhelmed me with the character of God. During a vision in the night, a prophet named Zechariah was involved in a dialog with angels and the Lord. When the angels reported what they had found on the earth, Zechariah says the Lord turned and spoke, 'kind and comforting words to the angel.'

This example shows how gracious the character of God is toward the angels. I often remember this example when it comes to my response to my wife. I often reflect on my conversations asking, "Did I treat her with the respect that God treats his angels?"

Continue to court one another

A few years ago, I realized I had slipped into the daily grind of life and stopped pursuing my wife. I changed that by asking her out on a date. I hired a babysitter. I made reservations at a restaurant and a hotel. We had a wonderful time. Interestingly, during that date our intimacy wasn't just physical, it became spiritual. I remember hearing a concern she had for our family and responded later at the hotel, "Honey, I know you're concerned about this, and I think we should take some time to pray about it." We did.

I wasn't raised in a religious home. My experience has come from reading the Bible and attempting to make myself a better man, an example of faith for my family to follow. My faith is not expressed in a long list of do's and do not's, but in a deep and passionate desire to be the kind of man that inspires faith in others, especially to my wife.

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