Loss, the primary source of grief, has such a profound way of leaving us feeling empty inside. There are different kinds of losses, such as the death of a wife or husband, parent, child, friend, grandparent, and even a pet. No one kind of loss is more or less painful "• just different. Someone once said that to lose a parent is to lose the past; to lose a child is to lose the future; and to lose a spouse is to lose the present.

Grief, itself, is mysterious. It seems to have a life of its own, coming and going in waves, somewhat like ocean waves that crash against the shore. One such wave crashed over me as I was checking out at the grocery store, not long after my husband died. For no reason, grief attacked and I couldn't stop nor hide the tears. It was not my doing. Grief was in control. I was not.

Even though grief must run its course and cannot be stopped, there are ways that we can cope with it. It is, however important to realize that there is no one right way to deal with grief and loss. Each person must find the strategies that work for him or her. Some suggestions that have worked for others are:

Talk it through

For most people, talking about their feelings and their loss is helpful. It defuses the pain. For some, this is very difficult as they may lack experience or skill in self-expression.

Lean on your faith

For those who believe in God, or a higher power, this can be a comforting and guiding source of strength. Prayer and the belief in life after death"•that you can be with your loved one again"•can be extremely powerful for those who believe in them.

Accept the help of family and friends

There may be an urge to withdraw from interaction with others when you are grieving but the support of family and friends can be invaluable. They may not say exactly the right words needed for comfort but they mean well and, most importantly, they care andĀ are there for you.

How long will grief last?

There is no defined length of time for grief's journey. Again, it is different for each of us but when grief begins to gradually let go of us, we need to let go of grief. Some people hold on to grief for various reasons when it is time to gradually move forward. It is tricky to know exactly when the time is right but one clue is when the waves become less intense and further apart. That is the time when you create a new normal (because you will never get back normal life as it was before the loss).

Will grief ever go away?

Yes! The emptiness you feel and the yearning for your loved one will most likely remain forever as will the memories that remain to sustain you. But the yearning won't always take the form of grief. Life will be different, but there is hope. Trust tomorrow.

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Caregivers often have other responsibilities, such as providing a living and caring for their own immediate family members. When in this situation of caring for the elderly, it is not unusual to experience a wide range of challenges and emotions:

• Emotional and physical exhaustion

• Guilt

• Anger

• Frustration

• Isolation

• Depression

• Feelings of being overwhelmed

• Financial concerns

• Stress on relationships

• Lack of understanding and preparation

Take time for yourself

Because of these feelings, it is extremely important that when caring for an elderly person you take adequate time to care for yourself. Studies show that stress levels are much lower when a strong bond exists between the caregiver and the individual for whom you are giving care. However, even in the best of circumstances, this is not always the case. Caregivers are frequently unwilling and even ashamed to ask for help because they falsely assume that doing so means they can't adequately care for a loved one. No one can do everything, so it is imperative that caregivers get the help they need.

Maintain your own health

In order to provide effective care, the caregiver needs to maintain his or her own mental and physical health. Neglecting your own care may have long-term consequences for you and the person who needs your care.

If you are caring for an elderly loved one, be sure you take the time to do the following for yourself:

1. Get enough sleep

2. Exercise and eat nutritious meals

3. Take regular short- and long-term breaks from care-giving responsibilities

4. Ask for help and allow others to help

5. Be aware of your own needs and make sure those needs are properly filled

6. Don't be afraid to voice your concerns and frustrations to a trusted family member or friend.

In summary, it is important to remember:

• What you are doing is hard work, and respite is necessary for your mental and physical health. Take breaks whenever possible.

• Be aware of the signs of depression. Don't delay getting professional help when needed.

• People care and they want to help. When help is offered, accept it. Be specific as to what they can do.

• It is necessary to be educated about your loved one's condition so you can understand what they are going through better and be able to communicate effectively with doctors.

• It is in the best interest of your loved one to be as independent as possible. Let them do things for themselves whenever they can.

• You must trust your instincts. Most of the time they'll lead you in the right direction.

• It'sĀ OK to grieve for the loss of the person you once knew and loved, but always remember that life is beautiful and worth living.

• You are not alone. Seek support from other caregivers.

Caring for an elderly family member can be a rewarding experience. Not all of us have the opportunity to express our love and appreciation to a parent or spouse for what they have done for us in such a way. Take good care of them now so you will have no regrets later. This week, take time to investigate the various resources available to you including the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), the National Council on Aging (NCOA), Meals on Wheels, religious programs, hospice and social workers, home health care agencies and your local community senior center.

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1. Plan meals

Planning meals helps you avoid the "What's for dinner?"¯ panic that so often hits in the evenings. Less panic means less eating out and fewer last-minute runs to the grocery store. With a set meal plan, you can make organized grocery lists and avoid impulse buys, as well as use leftovers to their full potential. Plan meals that have ingredients in common. Having baked chicken one night? Bake an extra portion and shred it for tacos the next night-now you've saved time, too!

2. Take advantage of your freezer!

When you find great deals on meat, fruit, vegetables, or even dairy products, stock up and freeze what you won't use right away. Freeze meats in individual-sized portions for quick grab-and-go measuring for meals. You can cook and season ground beef, then freeze for easy throw-together meals on busy nights. Lay individual pieces of fruit and vegetables out on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and freeze until firm, then store in zip-top freezer bags - great for smoothies or stir-fry add-ins!

3. Make the most of your food

Save chicken bones and boil them with vegetables to make stock. Plan for leftovers. Plain rice can turn into fried rice (which can also use leftover meat, veggies, and even eggs). Leftover meat can be added to sandwiches or pasta, and nearly anything can be added to soup. Use all the juice and zest of citrus fruits, and then use the rind to:

• Clean your sink

• Remove hard-water spots

• Deodorize your garbage disposal

• Add to a compost heap

4. Learn when to substitute

You don't always have to use exactly what a recipe calls for, especially in savory cooking (baking is harder to substitute as freely with and still get good results). Does your recipe call for summer squash, but you don't have any? Use zucchini. Fresh out of shallots? Chop up some onions instead. Chicken can easily be substituted for turkey, ground turkey for ground beef, and tilapia for halibut. Plain yogurt can often be used in place of sour cream or buttermilk. Don't have (or don't want to use) wine for that sauce? Apple or grape juice is often a good substitute. The possibilities are endless, so don't feel tied down by an ingredient list-make it your own and use what you have on hand.

5. Don't buy packaged, prepared foods

Packaged foods - including frozen meals, snack foods, and "just add water"¯ foods - are packed with preservatives, chemical additives, and all sorts of things your body wouldn't normally take in. They're also expensive and can often be made at home (usually with much better results). You'll be amazed at how much your grocery bill drops by buying fewer snack foods and prepared meals and making them at home, instead.

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It wasn't until Jr. High that everything changed for me. I decided to give the Harry Potter books a try because I'd liked the movie. It was still hard for me to read, but the more I got into it, the more I realized how much I loved reading. When I finished, I realized that I wanted to read the rest of the series. As I continued to pour through the large, fantasy novels, I noticed that school became easier and soon my grades began to improve. Within one year I was on the honor roll and began joining honor classes, something that seemed impossible one year earlier. I finished the Harry Potter series and moved onto The Series of Unfortunate Events, and other middle grade novels like Ella Enchanted, and Holes. I began spending less time on television, computers, and video games, and more time going what I loved, reading.

I am so happy that I decided to read The Harry Potter books, they got me into reading. They helped me unleash my potential in school and made me realize that I wanted to become an author.

I've seen firsthand just how important it is for children to read. It improved my grades, gave me confidence, and eventually led me to a career. A big part of getting a child to read is just finding the right book. Here are some suggestions:

1. Find books about genres they're interested in

For me it was fantasy novels, for other children its books about science, sports, or history.

2. Ask around

Some of my favorite novels have been suggestions from friends, teachers, and librarians. You don't see a lot of advertisement for books. Often times it's through word of mouth that you discover great books.

3. Newbery Honor Award Books

I've loved every single Newbery book I've read. I think of the Newbery Award system as a standard for children's books, if a book has received this award I know it will be well written, clean, and something that kids will be excited to read. Holes, Ella Enchanted, and A Year Down Yonder are just a few of my favorite Newbery Honor books.

Getting kids to read is so important, and sometimes all it takes is one book to make a huge positive influence in their lives.

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Losing a loved one is unbelievably heart-wrenching. The pain of grief and loss is almost more than one can bear. When loved ones "• family or friends "• experience such a trauma , we want to help in some way but how? What do we say? What can we do? It is because we care so deeply that our desire is to "make it better"¯ or "fix it"¯ but we soon realize this is not "fixable."¯

Following are a few suggestions that may be helpful:

There is no "right"¯ way to grieve

. Because everyone grieves differently, be sensitive and patient with your friend's or loved one's way of grieving. This means to avoid stereotyping. Be cautious about using labels such as "lonely,"¯ "depressed"¯ or "angry."¯ You may be incorrect in your assessment and would risk offending, rather than helping.

Be there

. First and foremost, be available. Do something rather than ignoring the person or the reality of the death. Because we often don't know how to respond, we stay away and do nothing. Sometimes an email, call or text is a gentle way to stay connected.

The right words may not be that important

. When your not sure what to say, sometimes just being there and saying nothing or very little is most helpful. If you are responding from the heart, with love, the nonverbal communication reaches the grieved. Don't hesitate to use a touch, a hug or a handclasp when appropriate. It can bring great comfort, and sometimes it is more powerful than words and is all that is needed.

Listen without giving advice

. This is extremely difficult for most of us. We so want to "fix it"¯ rather than just listen. What most grievers really want is to talk to someone and feel that what is said is accepted and understood. Advice generally aborts that process. Reflective listening (listening for emotion and saying them back in your own words) can help a person feel understood and believe that you really do care.

Don't hesitate to mention the deceased

, assuming that if you bring up the subject, it will remind the surviving person of the death and/or the pain. By not mentioning the deceased, you are pretending that he or she never lived"•or that's how it may come across.

The key to reaching out to others in need is to just do it! Follow your heart and trust that your heart will take you where you need to go. Our families, friends and neighbors need and deserve our support.

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This is one of those rules you have heard about for years, but it is hard to follow because life can just get so busy. We have five children, who each have extra-curricular activities. We are either carpooling kids to dance, gymnastics, soccer, piano, play dates, or we're running errands ourselves—not to mention our responsibilities as parents, employees, authors, performers and church members. It's amazing we manage to get by with only 24 hours in a day. I know most of you face the same challenges because we pass you on the raids every day, doing the same thing we are doing.

But if you are not careful, life will also pass you by, your children will grow up and precious time together will be lost. To ensure that we hold onto this time with our children, we have a rule in our family that we eat dinner together every night, no matter what. There are exceptions to this rule of course, but for the most part we stick to it.

Dinner Matters

Why are we so adamant of pulling our five offspring away from the many other "things" they are involved in to just sit down and eat together? For starters, it just feels good to get together and catch up. It's amazing how your children will open up when they know they can't be anywhere else and they have food in their tummies. Plus, there are several great studies on the importance of following this rule, proving the family dinner rule pays off. One of these by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University, has the following promise:

"Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use"¯ (2005).

With these benefits, family dinner sounds like it's worth the effort. So, with all that's going on in your lives, do what you can to get together as a family each night, to eat dinner and just talk. This is one habit you will not be sorry you adopted.

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