It's not always a simple answer, but here are some important things to consider when you're sorry for someone's loss.

1. Are cyber condolences enough?

Social media outlets are popular, and many people send birthday wishes and condolences through them, either in public comments or in individual messages —public or private. It's not bad to leave condolences via social media, but they can also fall flat.

If you are close to the person and you express sorrow for their loss over social media, be sure to follow it up in person, with a personal written note, or another form of more active comforting.

And — this should be obvious — but if the affected person(s) haven't publicly announced the loss of their loved one, don't post about it yourself. They may not be ready for everyone to know. People need time to sort out their own feelings.

2. Send something personal

It's best to send a personalized note when possible. Start with something like, "I'm sorry for your loss," or "My thoughts and prayers are with you," and go on from there. Set aside time to write a heartfelt note to your friend — and don't wait! You never know how much a person needs to feel your love.

Also, if you are personally acquainted with the person who passed away, jot down memories you have of that person to give to their loved ones. Memories are valuable to those grieving a loved one. Small remembrances can help ease the pain and help memories stay alive. It also helps to know someone else loved the person they loved.

3. Give active offers of help

We've all heard things like, "Let me know if you need anything," or "I'm here if you need to talk." But these aren't the best statements to offer to someone in need of comfort. First of all, they likely don't really know what they need, because their emotions are consuming, and there are too many things going on — prepping for a funeral, out-of-town company, and getting the deceased's affairs in order.

Instead, offer direct, specific help, or just get to work. If there are children in the home, some grab-and-go snacks may be beneficial. Or perhaps they need someone to babysit or do activities with the children so other urgent needs can be taken care of. Ask if you can bring dinner on a specific night. Come with a few cleaning supplies and take care of some household chores. Taking a stronger action is better than not doing anything at all.

4. Don't use back-handed comforts

Don't minimize what your friend is going through by saying you or someone else had it worse. While sometimes it can be nice to have someone who really understands, bringing up your similar grief can be more of a burden.

Additionally, a NY Times article stated, "Avoid clichés, and do not use expressions such as 'It happened for the best' or 'I can't imagine what you're going through.'" Those words, while well-intentioned, can actually be hurtful.

Everyone handles grief differently. Some people need to be surrounded by loved ones, while others need time alone. You need to carefully look for cues to know what they need. No two people are alike. Some may be overwhelmed by responsibilities and extra visitors (which may inspire you to act as the bouncer at their home to keep people away for a while!).

The best thing you can do is be present. And not just in the weeks after the death of their loved one, but more long-term. Grief happens in stages, and after everything has settled down, a new wave of pain may arise. As you carefully tune into their needs, you will know how to help.

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Having sick children is difficult - it's often hard to know whether to take them to the doctor or wait it out because it's likely viral.

However, sometimes the consequences of just "waiting it out" can be deadly. One family is mourning the loss of their 12-year-old daughter after a misdiagnosis.

It wasn't food poisoning or the flu

When Alyssa Alcaraz came home from school one day, she was throwing up, recalls her sister Mariah. She thought it was food poisoning.

Her family took her to the doctor where she was diagnosed with the flu. She stayed home from school, but after a few days, Alyssa was still not getting better. The took Alyssa back to urgent care where the physician noticed her low oxygen levels.

Alyssa was immediately rushed via ambulance to the local hospital.

"Within hours, Alyssa's organs started shutting down and her family says she coded six times. By 2:50 Sunday afternoon the vibrant girl ... died," stated a local news agency. Her death certificate noted she went into cardiac arrest and suffered a septic shock from a strep blood infection - which no one knew she had.

What the symptoms?

For flu in children, WebMD notes symptoms include a fever up to 104° F, chills and shakes, dry cough, sore throat, vomiting and extreme fatigue. Food poisoning shares similar symptoms like nausea, diarrhea, and vomiting.

Strep throat also shares a couple of these symptoms. This illness is typically noted by painful swallowing, swollen glands, headache, vomiting, fever, body aches and red and white patches on the throat. Step throat can trigger sepsis, an "often deadly response to infection" and catching it early is vital. Sepsis can also develop from pneumonia, the flu, or urinary tract infections. One-third of those who develop sepsis die, and those who survive carry scars such as PTSD, fatigue, organ dysfunction, chronic pain or amputations.

What you can do

It can be difficult to navigate illnesses and a diagnosis, especially when illnesses share symptoms. If you question a diagnosis from yourself or your doctor, you can ask for more tests (for instance, test for the flu and strep). Remember: even the flu can cause you to develop a secondary bacterial infection that needs to be treated with antibiotics.

We can't always avoid getting sick, but we can work to prevent it. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables and drink lots of water. Make sure you get adequate sleep and avoid stress. Consuming sugar and caffeine can weaken your immune system, so try to avoid those during the times of year we're more likely to get sick. Additionally, always wash your hands before eating or after being in public places and touching things that have been touched by others (things like grocery carts and door handles.) And remember, you can always question a diagnosis. Feel free to get a second opinion, trust your gut and push for more intensive tests. Sometimes the flu isn't just the flu.

The post They thought she had food poisoning; days later she died appeared first on FamilyToday.

Everyone is always looking for a quick and easy way to be healthier. For the most part, there's no easy fix. However, adding more fiber to your diet in larger (not smaller!) quantities can not only improve your health, but also help you lose weight.

How much fiber do we need?

While we should be eating 25-30 grams of fiber per day, adults in the United States are only getting about 15 grams a day - half of what we need, according to UCSF Medical Center.

There are two types of fiber: soluble fiber which comes from fruits, vegetables, legumes, barley, oats and oat bran, and insoluble fiber that can be found in fruits with edible peels or seeds, vegetables, whole grain products, buckwheat and brown rice.

How does fiber help our bodies?

In a recent study, researchers found that mice that were fed a high-fiber diet had reduced peanut allergies compared with the mice who were fed a regular diet with average calories, sugar, and fiber intake. "The researchers show that gut bacteria release a specific fatty acid in response to fiber intake, which eventually impacts allergic responses via changes to the immune system," according to Science Daily.

Additionally, those with high-fiber diets have lower body mass index and helps us lose weight and body fat, as reported by The Atlantic. It also noted that more fiber in diets reduces breast cancer, inflammation, hypertension, diabetes, depression and dementia.

Pass the fiber, please

Not quite convinced you should eat more fiber, or worried this means a drastic change? Well, you don't need to worry about that. "But you don't have to stop eating anything you do like: People lose about as much weight just by eating a lot of fiber as they do on complicated diets, even if they eat slightly more calories in the process," stated The Atlantic.

Yes, that's right. You may actually be able to eat MORE food if it's high in fiber than you would in regular weight-loss diets. That sounds like a complete win.

Try eating more of these

• whole grain bread

• oatmeal

• apples

• oranges

• pears

• blueberries

• strawberries

• squash

• sweet potatoes

• cauliflower

• raisins

• beans (kidney, garbanzo, black, etc.)

• whole wheat crackers

• brown rice

• cereal with at least five grams of fiber per serving

Adding more fiber to your diet is not only easy, it's beneficial to your health and long-term well-being. The best part is, you don't have to cut things out of your diet that you enjoy, you just need to add more of the high-fiber foods you already like. It's such a simple change that will make you look and feel so much better.

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Sometimes all it takes to lower your anxiety is to simplify a few aspects of your life. But where to start? Just try revamping your closet.

Wearing a uniform - by choice

New York Times writer, Bryan Moylan, decided to start wearing a uniform of his own creation to work; the same shirt and suit. "My uniform, I thought, would free me from the daily anxiety of standing in front of my closet wondering, 'Does this match?' or 'Am I wearing this sweater too often?'" Moylan said.

He said that at first he was worried people would view him as lazy, but relaxed, knowing he would be dressed well for most occasions. His uniform took the daily pressure off because choosing outfits was no longer necessary - it was a pre-made choice.

Research spots a correlation

We've all heard the saying "dress for the job you want". But how much truth is in that saying? The New York Times article stated the following, "Research supports that correlation between self-confidence and the way we present ourselves. In one study from 2012, people were given a coat and told it was either a doctor's coat or an artist's smock. Researchers found that the subjects paid more attention to certain tasks when they thought they were wearing a doctor's coat, but that there was no improvement in performance when they thought it was an artist's smock."

What we wear affects how we act and think. Think of children in Halloween costumes and how they try to act the part; it's the same with adults in uniforms.

Making an impression

Not only does dressing a certain way change how we think and act, but it also changes how those around us perceive us. People are more likely to respect and admire a person dressed professionally than someone who is wearing jeans and a hoodie, unless of course, the job requires a more casual outfit (in that case, you'll come across pretentious when you're overdressed).

Stylist and author Lauren A. Rothman teaches "capsule dressing" which simplifies your closet while still allowing for variety. Rothman said that people only wear about one-quarter of what's in their closet. While creating outfits out of that twenty-five percent allows for variety, while still staying professional, "the problem with variety is that it is unpredictable and can be unsuccessful," Rothman said. "A uniform does communicate who you are. It is great if you have consistent messaging every day about who you are and what you wear will show that."

Simplifying your life

Take this bit of stress out of your routine by not having to worry about what to wear every day. Simplify your life by condensing your closet to what you actually wear. Make sure the items that stay are ones you feel good and comfortable in - and fit your job description or desired job. You'll also have less laundry to worry about as well, which is an added bonus.

You can dress comfortably, professionally, and in a way that helps you "act the part" by taking control of your wardrobe.

The post Want to lower anxiety and simplify your life? Try this appeared first on FamilyToday.

At the beginning of a new year, many people make resolutions, things they want to improve on or goals to achieve. But, not many people stick with them past the first week of January.

But what if you could improve your life by focusing on three simple actions?

Find your daily purpose

What is your purpose for today? Will you do something kind for someone else? Will you help someone in need? Having a purpose in life makes us feel needed and useful, It can also increase your confidence and daily motivation. Sometimes, it's a stretch to leave our comfort zone, but you can also do things you're already comfortable with and work up to new things as your confidence grows.

What is your daily purpose? Maybe it'll be the same every day, maybe it'll differ day to day or maybe you'll pick more than one. Whatever it may be, find your purpose and latch on to it.

Take control of your day

Maybe being in control means sticking to your goals or perhaps it's completing a list of daily to-dos. Having a sense of organization (no matter how small) helps you to see progress and feel like your life is in control, rather than spinning around in chaos.

Because I work from home frequently, it's difficult to stay on task and not stray to social media. To help with this, a group of friends who also work from home partner up as "accountability partners" who we report to daily on what things we did or did not accomplish and why. Knowing we have to account for our day helps keep us focused. Additionally, we have a clear list of what we need to do that day and checking those items off at the end of the day is gratifying because you can "see" what you've accomplished.

Be positive

It's true that most things or goals will not go according to plan. But, if you remain positive and find solutions rather than focusing on the obstacles, your life will improve because your attitude does. Yes, it's frustrating and stressful when things don't go your way. But you get to choose what to do when that happens. You can have a positive outlook instead of giving up and learning from what went wrong and making new plans or ideas to make it work.

Being positive no matter what enables you to persevere and not get knocked down emotionally when the going gets tough.

In a Washington Post article, their staff shared ideas on what they do to make their life better. Some of their suggestions are things like:

• doing ten squats each time you use the restroom

• keeping daily gratitude journals via social media

• only watching TV or sports while exercising on a stationary bike or treadmill

• saying something nice to someone, especially when you're having a bad day

• doing monthly challenges instead of a year-long resolution

• de-cluttering by getting rid of items you no longer use or need

• drinking water as your first and last drink of the day

• reading books to disconnect from the stress of the world

• meditating or praying during bathroom breaks (that may be the only alone time you have in a day)

• attending live theater productions

• packing a lunch for work - it's healthier, saves money and simplifies your day

• finding a healthy eating routine that works for you

• riding a bike instead of drive for exercise, fresh air and time to clear your head

By making simple changes and positive choices in your life, you can make your life better and more fulfilling. This new year, you don't have to focus on a short-lived resolution, but rather a lifestyle change that you recommit to daily. If it helps to work with a partner to keep you on track, do it.

If you don't like your current life, you are in charge of making the change. You can make excuses, or you can do the work to take control of your life.

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Children are abused, neglected and in otherwise dangerous living situations every day in the United States. Unfortunately, not all of these cases are reported, and of the ones that are, many are left uninvestigated. Or maybe worse, nothing comes of the investigation.

In reported cases, social workers are left to gauge whether or not the child(ren) are in immediate danger and need interventions to protect and care for them ... however, the human mind naturally puts in its own bias and opinions on individual circumstances, which unfortunately means leaving some children in unsafe conditions.

A new algorithm to predict danger

In the past, it has been left up to humans to screen each call and allegation of child abuse (often combining the call with prior reports of abuse or neglect) but that may change. A county in Pittsburg is the first place in the U.S.A. to "let a predictive-analytics algorithm - the same kind of sophisticated pattern analysis used in credit reports, the automated buying and selling of stocks and the hiring, firing and fielding of baseball players on World Series-winning teams - offer up a second opinion on every incoming call, in hopes of doing a better job of identifying the families most in need of intervention," stated the New York Times.

The algorithm weighs each instance reported, analyzing it for danger indicators and measures the risk from low to highest. While a human mind may rank a family as low risk (meaning they wouldn't likely investigate), the program might rank a family high risk, necessitating an in-person investigation to parents and children.

The program is useful because it eliminates most bias based on race, economic levels or the social worker's personal experience with situations like drug use or child abuse. It's not that the screeners of abuse or neglect allegations are incompetent, the problem is that there are so many factors to look at - each child in the home, each person the child lives with, records of abuse, arrests, drug or alcohol use, etc. It's too much for a person to see the whole picture without error, according to the New York Times. Investigations into child welfare are subjective, but with predictive analytics, it's more objective and therefore effective.

The staggering reality of abuse and neglect

Children are often helpless victims of sexual, physical, emotional or verbal abuse, and/or neglected or live in otherwise unsafe circumstances.

The New York Times cited, "Nationally, 42 percent of the four million allegations received in 2015, involving 7.2 million children, were screened out, often based on sound legal reasoning but also because of judgment calls, opinions, biases and beliefs. And yet more United States children died in 2015 as a result of abuse and neglect - 1,670, according to the federal Administration for Children and Families; or twice that many, according to leaders in the field - than died of cancer."

We see the news of children who have been abused by a parent or caretaker. Broken bones, broken spirits and even death lace our news feeds with sorrow and hopelessness. Hopefully, this new algorithm can help fill in the gaps of human error to protect and save innocent lives.

Protecting children

How many go cases of abuse go unreported? How many children live silently with abuse every day with no one to stand up for them and protect them? As observant adults we need to watch carefully children around us. Listen to what they say, notice changes in behavior. If you see signs of abuse (sexual and physical) or signs of neglect, do something. If you suspect abuse or know of abuse, most states require reporting it.

Yes, we don't want to be in somebody else's business or jump to conclusions, but what if you don't and regret it later? Err on the side of caution and report it if you suspect child abuse. It could save a child's life.

The post What happens after you report suspected child abuse (and why you always should) appeared first on FamilyToday.

We want to raise our girls to be strong and independent, girls who can become leaders both professionally and in their personal life. But what is it that helps a girl find her inner-strength and passion in life? How can we encourage our daughters to be their best selves?

A female CEO shares her ideas on raising strong daughters - and it has everything to do with playing sports.

Never give up

Current CEO of New York Road Runners (which manages the New York City Marathon), Mary Wittenberg says she developed her work ethic during childhood through athletics. Her dad coached several sports, though that didn't mean Wittenberg always ended up on the winning team. "All those years of losing made me want to win," Wittenberg said.

She tried many sports - she was good at some, not so much at others. But winning isn't what matters. Win or lose, being on a team allows for girls to work towards a goal, together. Sports can also teach participants that achieving goals isn't instantaneous, unlike many things in this world. Hard work and perseverance are what lead to improvements and success.

"Don't let a girl quit. You can learn so much about yourself if you just don't quit. You learn that you have the will to continue on. Then, when someone or something down the line tries to stop you, you won't allow it," said Wittenberg.

When a job, or relationship, or other venture doesn't work out at first, this attitude and outlook give girls the courage to try a new path instead of quitting.

You can learn strength

We can't be helicopter parents rescuing our children from potentially difficult situations and expect them to learn how to function and grow on their own.

When things get hard, that's when we have the chance to prove ourselves and overcome with perseverance. Wittenberg said, "I think it's so important to prove to yourself than you're stronger than you thought you were. But there has to be a risk in order for you to prove it."

Having opportunities to prove yourself is necessary if you want to grow to be strong and independent.

Encouragement

Parents have great influence over their daughters. From the time they are really young, girls need encouragement to try harder. Learning to tie their own shoes, buttoning their shirts and riding a bike are specific situations where we can encourage them to try harder, instead of coddling your girls. Remind your daughters that they are capable and that they can do it, even if it's hard at first. As bigger and more difficult situations arise, your girls will have increased their self-confidence by learning they can persevere and achieve their goals. They won't quit.

Even if sports aren't for your family, there are other team and confidence building activities like dance or playing in a band or orchestra. Those moving parts have to work together to make the finished product. It requires dedication, hard work and never giving up.

Whether it's sports or another positive activity to help build up your daughter, Wittenberg explains agrees how powerful these activities are. "Being an athlete has given me a sense of possibility and an understanding that nothing is guaranteed. Nothing is a given. It's given me patience and perseverance in my relationships. It's given me candidness. You compete against your buddies to leave it on the field. None of it is about being healthy and strong - that's just the beautiful byproduct of being an athlete."

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Maybe you spank your children for misbehaving, maybe you don't. Maybe you were spanked as a child as a form of punishment, or perhaps you weren't. Many people still believe that spanking has little to no effect on their children - afterall, you turned out just fine, right?

Well, maybe not. Research suggests that spanking may negatively impact us into adulthood, particularly when it comes to relationships.

The findings

Despite 81 percent of Americans believing that occasional spanking is OK, the American Academy of Pediatrics has warned against using spanking on children. Some countries even have bans on spanking.

But is spanking really that bad? According to Time, "studies have found that children who are spanked frequently have lower IQs, are more aggressive, and are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol....spankings result in higher production of stress hormones, which can make children less able to deal with other stresses." Not only that, but spanking also has an adverse effect on the immune system.

Children who are spanked are more likely to be abusive adults. Afterall, they've been taught that when someone bigger than them does not approve of an action, some form of violence is used to make it stop. That can escalate into domestic violence and child abuse.

Spanking's effect on relationships

Spanking children can disrupt their know-how when it comes to relationships later in life. "There is no dispute that early exposures are critical to later social habits. Relationships with adults at a very young age shape how we learn to relate," states The Atlantic. So when a child is spanked, that makes a bold statement in how the child perceives relationships and will consequently affect how they relate to others as a teen and throughout adulthood.

When faced with frustrating situations, it's easy to react with anger or violence because it's what they observed and experienced as a child.

Alternatives to spanking

The Atlantic suggests that instead of spanking, parents ought to compliment the behavior (or absence of behavior) they did like. Even in the midst of unwanted behavior, you can compliment a child on something. Such as, "thank you for not hitting while you were upset."

Rather than spanking a child, you can take away a favorite toy or a cell phone for a teenager. "All of this is in service of teaching children to be respectful without disrupting the vital positive elements of the caretaker-child relationship," states The Atlantic.

Whether you choose to spank you child or not, it's worth understanding the risk and potential developmental problems that can occur. While it may be immediately effective, it can cause life-long problems for your child. Where possible, work to find better ways to discipline your child(ren). You can do it in a healthy way and avoid adverse consequences for your child.

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Traveling with children is difficult, especially if your plans include an airplane and an infant.

While other passengers may inwardly (or outwardly) groan when they see a family with young children board a plane, most parents fear being "that" family with screaming and inconsolable children.

Parents are pros at planning ahead with snacks, entertainment, and being cautious of nap times, but when flights get delayed, it can leave parents scrambling to improvise.

One mom's improvising got her booted from a flight with her infant.

What happened

Mei Rui was traveling with her baby son. The flight was delayed due to bad weather, which led to her breastfeeding her son before takeoff. According to Rui, she wanted to ensure he was fed and happy during the flight; and the plane's door was still ajar and other passengers were still moving around the cabin.

Most parents likely would have done the same in such a situation. "Every parent with a young child can image [sic], you don't want to be that parent on the plane," Rui said. "It would be very embarrassing. I was just trying to avoid that."

Flight attendants passed by Rui and her son without saying anything, and then one approached and told her her son needed to be strapped in to his seat for takeoff. She asked the attendant for a couple more minutes, promising to be finished nursing before they shut the door.

She was asked to get off the plane

As the flight attendants gathered to discuss the matter, Rui chose to stop nursing and strapped her baby into his seat, at which point he began to cry, as she had feared. Rui was then told she needed to exit the plane.

When Rui questioned why, they told her it was because she was not compliant. A statement issued by Spirit Airlines said, "Our records indicate a passenger was removed from Flight 712 after refusing to comply with crew instructions several times during taxi to runway and safety briefing," the statement read. "To protect the safety of our guests and crew, FAA regulations and airline policies require all passengers to stay seated and buckled during takeoff and landing. We apologize for any inconvenience to our guests. As a courtesy, we've issued a full refund to the passenger in question."

Airline regulations and breastfeeding in public

It's important for parents to know airline regulations regarding children and infants as well as rights regarding breastfeeding in public.

According to this particular airline's website, children between seven days old and up to two years old may ride on a parent's (or someone at least 15 years old) lap (with proof of age). So why couldn't this mother continue nursing her baby while having him in her lap?

As far as breastfeeding in public goes, nearly all 50 states have laws protecting mothers who choose to breastfeed in public (covered up or not), according to the Huffington Post. Basically, if a mom has a right to be there with her infant, she is protected by law to breastfeed her infant there — not hiding in some dirty bathroom stall.

While this example is disheartening, we don't know the entire story. To avoid this happening to your family, it's best to get familiar with the laws and regulations regarding travel with children before you do so. Asking questions and planning ahead is the best thing you can do to prevent an unwanted and unnecessary altercation.

How do you travel with children or an infant?

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It's hard to lose a loved one, but it's also difficult for the one who is dying to say goodbye as they watch their family begin to grieve their loss.

In the book-turned-movie "P.S. I Love You," a woman who lost her husband discovers that he left her special letters designed to help her move forward with her life after his death. It's a touching story that demonstrates how a now-deceased loved one can help loved ones move on, without their presence.

One father did something similar for his daughter.

Yearly flowers

When Bailey Sellers was 16, her dad passed away. But before his death, he arranged for flowers to be sent to his daughter every year on her birthday until she turned 21.

In his final letter to her on her 21st birthday, Sellers's father wrote:

"Bailey,

"This is my last love letter to you until we meet again. I do not want you to shed another tear for me my Baby girl for I am in a better place.

"You are and will always be the most precious jewel I was given. It is your 21st birthday and I want you to always respect your Momma and stay true to yourself.

"Be happy and live life to the fullest. I will still be with you through every milestone, just look around and there I'll be.

"I love you Boo Boo and Happy Birthday!!!!"

Though the letters and flowers are over, her dad promised he would always be there with her - she just has to look around to notice.

Inspiring others

Other Twitter users retweeted and reached out to Sellers, sharing that her tweet had touched them, offer condolences, and to thank her according to dearly.com.

She responded, thanking everyone, grateful for those who shared her dad's flowers and note.

One Twitter user suggested that Daniel West (pictured with Sellers and tagged in her post) carry on the tradition of annual birthday flowers. He responded, "I most certainly can. Just like her daddy blessed her life, she's the blessing in mine."

Love doesn't end at death, and that's what Sellers's dad wanted to make sure she understood. Losing a loved one is difficult and painful, but we can honor and remember those we love by thinking of them and the happy memories we had together.

How do you remember the love between you and those who have passed on?

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