As parents, it seems like we're always reminding our children to recite those "magic" words upon receiving something from someone. Naturally, this is an important part of our child-rearing endeavors because we want our children to advance to the next level of maturity by learning about common courtesy. Mostly, we don't want other people thinking that we're raising rude and ungrateful kids.

These are important reasons for ingraining the proverbial common courtesy in our kids. But they are also selfish reasons. Teaching kids to have gratitude goes beyond the perfunctory call to grandma or the hand-etched Thank-you note immediately following a gift or kind gesture.

Gratitude also means being grateful for everything in our lives. There are many things that are easy to take for granted such as the sunshine, clean air, clean water and a picturesque view of a full moon hovering in the night sky. When children learn how to be genuinely grateful for all things it contributes to their overall happiness and well-being.

According to a study (involving adolescents ages 8 - 12) published in the Journal of School Psychology by Jeffrey J. Froh, William J. Sefick and Robert A. Emmons, gratitude is directly related to enhanced well-being and overall life satisfaction. Parents naturally want their kids to be happy. Fortunately, a child's happiness doesn't require you to grant her every wish or indulge her with every toy that appears in the TV commercials.

The following are ideas for instilling gratitude in children:

Discuss gratitude as a family

Ensure that your children understand that gratitude is more than being thankful for things they receive. For example, have them think of the people they enjoy spending time with and how it's important to be grateful for those relationships. When you are at the dinner table, have each person take a turn sharing what non-material things he or she is grateful for. As a way to follow up, have each child start a gratitude journal. Then one day each month have a discussion about what the kids are writing in their journals.

Refrain from enforcing gratitude

Children do not learn gratitude by having it force-fed to them. In other words, lecturing your children about how well-off they are compared to other children around the world does not teach gratitude.

Provide opportunities for your children to give

Parents have learned that the more things kids get, the less they appreciate what they have. While it's fun to receive gifts, it's equally enjoyable to give. It's important that kids understand that there is joy in both giving and receiving.

Keep the notion of gratitude fresh in your children's minds

A common practice among some people is to post positive thoughts or quotes around the house as a way to elevate their mood throughout the day. Use this idea to promote gratitude. Post notes around the house about what you are grateful for. Make sure your notes are conspicuous enough that your children are sure to see them wherever they are in the house.

Gratitude is more than being mature and well-mannered. It's an important aspect that contributes to our overall happiness and outlook on life. Teaching children to be grateful for all things tangible and non-tangible will help them develop a happy and charitable attitude.

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In the process of issuing punishment, some parents inadvertently punish themselves right along with their children. Grounding as a punishment is a good example of this. In an article in Psychology Today, Dr. Carl PinkHardt cites some concerns about using grounding (deprivation) as a punishment:

Grounding turns you into a warden

When you ground your child, you essentially become a jailer. Now you are forced to be in the company of the unhappy person being jailed. This also could prevent you from completing tasks that you need to do.

Deprivation of all freedoms is ineffective

It's common for parents to be frustrated while imposing a punishment and simply remove all toys (such as electronics) from their children. When a child is devoid of all forms of enjoyment, he or she might feel that there is nothing left to lose. Then, as a parent, you don't have anything else to "take away" if the inappropriate behavior persists.

Removing a child from social interactions too long can damage self-esteem

If you ban all social interactions (such as sports, friendship circles and cell phones) it could be difficult for your child to return after being away for too long. For example, the dynamic of friendships might have changed during your child's absence. This could negatively impact your child's friendships and have a lasting effect on his or her self-esteem.

Here are three ways to discipline children without punishing yourself or having a lasting negative effect on them.

Make good on your threats

Informing your children you will "turn this car around" if the insolent behavior continues will work only if you are prepared to carry out your threat. It might work if you are on your way to a fun activity, but if you are on errands that need to be done, you lose some of your bargaining power. In this case, issue a different threat that allows you to keep going on your errands, but effectively announces that there will be punishment in your children's future that will get worse the more they misbehave. In fact, you might start listing specific privileges that will be revoked upon your arrival at home.

Take some time before issuing punishment

A child's misbehavior can often cause you to lose your temper and start issuing every punishment imaginable. Instead, it's best to step away from the situation and temper your temper before immediately punishing your child. If necessary, remove any potential dangers to your child (or the environment depending on the infraction). Let your child know that what he or she did was wrong and that a punishment is coming. Then, allow yourself to calm down before you move to the sentencing phase of the situation.

Make the punishment fit the crime

One of the purposes of punishment is to encourage your child to think about his or her naughty behavior. Therefore, try to make your punishment as closely related to the transgression as you can. For example, for a missed curfew, you might impose an earlier bedtime. If your child's school performance needs a boost, redemption for low grades might be extra time spent working on a particular subject.

You might also consider community service. For example, the misbehavior might require some form of reparation. If restoring something that was lost or broken is not possible, have your child perform some sort of service for others. I once caught my 9-year-old in an act of deceit. Because what she did was a form of stealing, instead of grounding her, I decided that her sentence should include some form of reparation. I arranged for her to do some community service at a local library. This type of punishment benefits both your child and the organization he or she is serving. There are plenty of ways that children can perform community service.

Punishment is never fun for either parents or children, but it's an important part of a child's development. Children need to be made aware of their behavior and how it affects themselves and others. Sometimes misbehavior has its own natural consequences. Other times, you need to explain the punishment and how it fits the misdeed. When you sit down with your child and explain the nature of the misdeed and why a punishment is necessary, it helps your child think about his or her behavior and how it affects others.

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On a Saturday afternoon in the fall, I often find myself being the only one in the house that cheers upon seeing a defensive tackle split a double-team, get into the backfield and take down the quarterback behind the line of scrimmage. Probably the reason for this is I am a father in a house full of girls. It's not that my girls don't appreciate sports. I have seen them exhibit some pretty impressive moves on the soccer field and the karate mat. But there is so much more to "daddy's little girls."

I grew up without a father so, naturally, I knew very little about parenting and even less about parenting girls. However, since having daughters, I have become more cultured. I know the names and songs of all the pop culture icons and Hollywood heartthrobs. I have also expanded my vocabulary. One new term that I have learned is something called accessorizing. Pink is not merely a color; it's a theme. Shoes are not something you wear; they're something you "wear."

There is so much to learn about being a father to girls as they evolve from this little porcelain doll in my arms to a conglomeration of hormones with a cell phone. Therefore, rather than traverse uncharted territory on my own, I decided to let the women in my life teach me how to be a father of girls. All I needed was a willingness to learn. It's amazing what girls can teach about effective parenting.

Be a father throughout your daughters' lives

Your employment obligations might limit the amount of time you can spend with your children. But children (especially girls) need as much daddy involvement as possible - and not just as a disciplinarian. It's important that you devote as much time as you can to your daughters.

A daughter's first real love is her father. From tea parties to meeting your daughter's friends, your active involvement is vital. A study from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services shows that girls are less likely to engage in dangerous peer-group activities, experiment with drugs and participate in promiscuous sex when their fathers are more involved in their lives. They also perform better academically. You can't wait until your daughters are teens before you step up and assume your role as a father. Forge and strengthen this relationship throughout your daughters' lives.

Listen without fixing (but be able to fix when it's necessary)

It might be difficult to resist the urge to get the toolbox and immediately try to fix whatever issue your daughter is going through. This is fine when a toy breaks or a piece of jewelry needs to be repaired so it can be worn that day. But more than being able to fix a problem, girls want you to listen to them with a sympathetic ear. There is a big difference between hearing and listening. When you genuinely listen to what your daughter says (withholding all judgment and fatherly advice), it makes her feel that she can tell you anything.

Encourage your daughter to talk to you. Get to know your daughter's peer groups. Don't be afraid to ask questions about what is going on in her life. You are going to have some potentially awkward discussions with your daughters as they enter the different stages of their lives. Establishing a comfortable level of communication early on will make the difficult topics much easier to deal with.

Treat your wife like royalty

The best way to teach is by example. A well-known quote says, "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." You want the young men in your daughters' lives to treat them with kindness, courtesy and respect. When you treat your daughters' mother in this fashion, you show your daughters what qualities they should look for in the young men that they date and spend time with.

Help your daughters develop self-confidence and independence

It's good that your daughters know how to check fluids and change a flat tire on an automobile. But it's more important for them to develop self-confidence and decision-making abilities. A vital concept that you should instill in your daughter is to forge her own identity and not have it be defined by peer groups or the person she chooses to marry.

I have witnessed several female family members stay in unhealthy and abusive relationships on account of their fear of being alone. Marriage and family are a collaborative effort. Parental efforts can be more successful when both parents are confident as individuals and can contribute their own valuable experiences to the family. Much of these experiences come from what girls learn from their fathers.

I have had many rewarding parental experiences with my daughters. We have great talks (even about the awkward topics) and they tolerate my lame jokes and puns. When my teenager asks which pair of earrings go better with her shoes, I know she's not going to go with my choice - but it's nice to be asked.

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Unfortunately, children seem to pick up on the "bad mood" morning early in life and try to get as much mileage out of it as they can. Parents can usually deal with the occasional sour-mood morning. However, if it becomes a more frequent occurrence with one or more of your children, here are some ideas to help mollify the morning malcontent.

Create an environment that eases stress

A cluttered physical environment sets a tone of stress and chaos which makes it difficult for a child to regulate behavior. Having to sift through two or three layers of clothes, books, toys and half-eaten sandwiches to find the other shoe can turn an otherwise pleasant atmosphere into a war zone. If you have limited space in your children's bedrooms, try to minimize the amount of stuff that you keep in those rooms by putting toys, books and art supplies in another location. This makes it easier for children to keep their rooms clean.

Encourage some "wiggle" time

If a child is having a particularly rough morning, encourage him or her to go run around somewhere that is away from the rest of the family. My daughter has ADHD so mornings are usually challenging to get her to focus on getting ready for the day. On particularly difficult mornings, we just stop what we're doing and have her go outside (even during the winter) and run, skip, or ride her scooter to the end of the block two or three times.

Most mornings are usually rushed so there might not be a lot of time for this kind of activity, but even just a little exercise can help improve a child's mood. It might be that she just needs to take some time to regain her composure. On occasion, I have taken my daughter to school late due to having a grumpy morning, but the rest of the day usually goes better after she has had some exercise.

Develop a routine

When children are old enough to do more things for themselves, set up a morning routine that your child can follow on his or her own without your assistance. Try to keep the routine simple. If necessary, write out the routine and post it in a highly visible location.

It is best if your grumpy child has limited interaction with other members of the family until he or she has a more pleasant demeanor. You can just explain to your grumpy child that you prefer not to deal with a sour mood. She knows what needs to be done to get ready for the day and there will be consequences if it doesn't happen. A lot of times, the consequences will be natural such as being late for school or missing out on an activity.

Prepare as much as you can the night before

At the end of the day, you're likely so exhausted that you can't see straight. But, if you can muster enough energy to prepare backpacks, lunches and clothes for the next day, your morning routine will go more smoothly. So if your child feels slightly less than thrilled in the mornings, you can at least reduce the amount of atmospheric stress by having more things done.

Impose consequences for grumpy behavior

Most of the time, to get your point across, you need to impose consequences, such as extra chores or the loss of privileges. When you do this, make sure that you clearly explain the consequence and how it aligns with the behavior. Children will likely repeat certain behaviors so the consequences are necessary to discourage repeat offenses. As with any form of punishment, don't just tell your child what he or she did wrong, explain to your child why the behavior was wrong and what the desired behavior would be.

Mornings are usually challenging - especially when everyone in your family needs to accomplish specific tasks and arrive somewhere by a certain time. When one family member is feeling grumpy, it can have a negative impact on everyone in the family. By reducing the overall stress in your home, establishing a routine and preparing for each day in advance, you can enjoy more grumpy-free mornings.

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Mothers teach

In true Hallmark fashion, it's mothers who teach young girls how to become young ladies and good mothers. They teach young boys how to become young men and good fathers. They patch the wounds and nurture away the pain. They can speak volumes without uttering a single word. A simple facial expression says, "You are not walking out that door until you eat a good breakfast, have your homework done and change that shirt!" At the same time, it's a simple facial expression that says you are forgiven and have her unconditional love and support.

But those are not the only reasons that a mother's place is on a pedestal. It's not so much the endless service they provide for children; it's their dedication to their craft.

Mothers are devoted

Case in point, one night while we were visiting my wife's sister, my wife and our 8-year-old daughter were out playing in the yard. Suddenly my daughter rushed into the house saying "Mom's hurt!" We hurried outside and found her pulling herself up from the sidewalk grasping her hand. We gathered her up and drove to the emergency room. On the way, she shared with us the story of what happened. She was riding my daughter's scooter and hit a crack in the sidewalk. The event that followed could probably be used in an action movie.

Two hours, three stitches, eight bandages and a mummified hand later, we were on our way home. Normally this event might be construed as a one-time freak accident that occurred while my wife was playing with one of her daughters. However, this was the third episode in a series of fractured bones, bruises, sprained ankles and lacerations that she has suffered during play time.

Mothers set an example

Mothers (literally) teach by example. That time-honored phrase that moms are famous for, "I hope you're wearing clean underwear in case you get in an accident," is not just for the kids' benefit. We had another occasion that involved taking mom to the emergency room. She hobbled into the house with her ankle throbbing with pain from a trampoline accident (again playing with our young daughter). She said, "I know that my ankle is the size of a cantaloupe and we need to go to the emergency room. But before we go, I need my other pair of shoes and to shave this leg. It's a girl thing; just go with it!" Who was I to argue under those circumstances?

Through it all, I have yet to find that perfect greeting card that says, "You might be a mother if you have broken your hand while playing tag, sprained your ankle while jumping on the trampoline or have sustained more skinned knees than any 8-year-old on the planet."

Mothers know what is important

Naturally, you can't go out in public wearing a cast without receiving a barrage of, "What happened?" from everyone you see. After explaining to everyone how she injured her hand, she kept hearing the same perhaps-you-should-start-acting-your-age chorus. Her response is always, "When I'm playing with my kids, it's more important that I do what they want and act their age."

Greek mythology portrays Athena, the great Olympian goddess as the embodiment of wisdom, reason and purity. She was strong, fair and merciful. These qualities symbolize the pure essence of motherhood. As a stay-at-home dad, I think I can change diapers and chauffeur kids with the best of them. But it is the mother who suits up and gets into the game.

Mothers create lasting memories

These visits to the emergency room and the playground battle wounds that my wife proudly displays have become standing jokes within the family. But they have also become some of the most memorable experiences that my kids will cherish throughout their lives.

Children move through life so fast. They might outgrow their clothes, shoes, toys and the teddy bear wallpaper. But they will never outgrow their memories of when mom got on her hands and knees and "got into the game." The best gifts that you can give your children are the memories of when you spent time with them. To create these memories, spend time doing what your children like to do.

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Unfortunately, when it comes to academics, doing well enough to "get by" seems to be a common approach among adolescents. It's not easy to motivate kids to perform well in school - especially if they are content to merely earn passing grades. There is a lot of trial and error involved with encouraging kids to work hard in school. You will eventually discover a method that works for you, but it could take some time. Here are some methods to consider.

Start with the common motivators

Sometimes kids respond well to monetary rewards or imposed consequences for their academic performance. You can offer rewards such as a monetary bonus or extra privileges for earning good grades. In contrast, you can impose consequences such as limited or no access to all things electronic until the grades come up. The key to this method is to discover your child's weakness. For example, with some teenagers, going without a cell phone is equivalent to going without food and water.

This is probably the easiest method to employ to encourage your kids to elevate their academic performance. However, some kids don't respond to this kind of motivator. This method often requires kids to think long-term. It often fails to accommodate the instant gratification that many adolescents seem to prefer. There is another concern that it could be sending the wrong message. Sure, your child could bring his or her grades up, but only so you will return the cell phone. This motivator bypasses the natural feelings of pride, satisfaction and accomplishment that come with doing well at something.

Look for natural motivators

This method requires patience. Some kids reach a plateau in their ability to keep learning and moving forward. Fortunately, this leveling off is not permanent. However, if your son or daughter experiences a "rut" in school studies, it is unlikely that rewards and consequences will be enough to get your child moving again. This doesn't mean that you should cease all encouragement, assistance or attention to the situation. You need to keep working side-by-side with your child to at least keep him or her moving. You can do this through offering a significant amount of praise and acknowledgement for the work they are doing. Sometimes your child might need to discover and employ his or her own motivation. In other words, the issue might just need to work itself out.

For example, my teenage daughter struggled in school all through junior high and her first year of high school. Naturally, there were a lot of factors involved, such as a new school and tougher classes. Still, she just didn't seem to be making an effort to earn high grades. No amount of restrictions or consequences would change that. Then, during her second year of high school, she started earning high grades in subjects that she nearly failed the previous year. Initially, we thought that she was motivated by being able to go on a trip with a group of students and teachers during spring break. But that wasn't it. I finally asked her what brought about the change. She told me that she was just tired of seeing low grades on her report card.

Address the issue at a deeper level

If your child is earning low grades in school, it might not be due to his or her lack of motivation. Sometimes what might appear as a lack of effort could mean your child is simply struggling with school in general. If this is the case, you might need to consider additional tutoring or setting up a 504 program with your child's school.

Your child might resist the prospect of receiving academic assistance for fear of being stigmatized. This is not a concern because teachers and school administrators are very discreet with their 504 programs. Also, they are more common than most people think. When we set up a 504 for our daughter, the assistant principal opened a drawer in his filing cabinet and showed us that he had nearly an entire drawer full of students that have 504 accommodations.

There is no single way to elevate your child's motivation in school. It's best to try different methods to find a way that works. However, in my experience, I have found that praise and encouragement works much better than imposing consequences and punishments. When I acknowledge and praise the effort that my children do put forth in school (even if it's not much at times), they are more inclined to keep working no matter how difficult it is.

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It's too easy to give up

The breakup of the family unit is not new, but it is becoming more common in recent years. It is becoming too easy to abandon marriage and family when spouses and parents feel that keeping the family unit together is too difficult. Consequently, there is an increasing ambiguity about marriage and family among young people. When children and adolescents see their parents essentially "give up" when they are struggling in their relationship, it sends the message that it's okay to just quit instead of putting forth the effort to make the marriage work. This attitude creates a perpetual cycle that has a negative impact on future generations and society. Too many people enter marriage relationships with the attitude that if it doesn't work out they can always divorce - regardless of how that impacts the children.

The ability for a society to effectively function and thrive is directly influenced by the strength and quality of family unit. The following are a few of the ways that the family affects society:

• The experiences of home and family directly influence a person's mental health, personal integrity and work ethic when that person enters the workforce.

• Single-parent families are more likely to live in poverty. Children in poverty-stricken homes seldom achieve high levels of education, quality healthcare, and the influence of well-adjusted social groups.

• The moral fiber among children and adolescents is weakening. When children don't have a home life that is rooted in security, consistency and moral integrity, they are more inclined to participate in high-risk behaviors and lose sight of a future of rewarding careers and family relationships.

• A solid foundation of religion and faith among members of society is crumbling. This could result in a decline in fellowship, charity and safety among community members.

• An overall decline in the birth rate of children. A dwindling population can undermine a society's ability to grow and flourish.

Society needs strong marriages and families

Studies have shown that married people are happier, healthier and more productive than those who are not married. A two-parent household is the ideal environment for raising healthy, hard-working and motivated children. Society needs the contributions of well-educated, productive people who know how to work hard and overcome the challenges they will face individually and as members of the society. The future of society is highly dependent on future generations of diverse individuals who will step up and lead with conviction, integrity and perspective.

At the root of these future generations is a strong marriage. The marital bond formed by a couple has a far-reaching impact on society. A report on marriage in America cited that "Marriage is not merely a private arrangement; it is also a complex social institution. Marriage fosters small cooperative unions - also known as stable families - that enable children to thrive, shore up communities, and help family members succeed during good times and weather the bad times."

The beauty of a society is that everyone is relevant. Each person makes a contribution to the growth and prosperity of that society in his or her own way. We each have an individual obligation to contribute to the growth and prosperity of our society. We best achieve this by fostering healthy and stable marriage and family units.

_For more information, check out the article, "Homage to the Home: Why Society Needs Strong Families."

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Fairness (or the lack thereof) is one of the most difficult lessons that children have to learn. Nevertheless, it's a fact of life that causes parents to develop ulcers when trying to deal with fairness among their children. The best approach is to teach by example. Children might not fully grasp the concept of fairness until they get older, but if you provide an example by striving to be as fair as you can, they will have something to look back on when it is their turn to teach their children about fairness. Here are some ideas for teaching children about fairness.

Help children understand that complete fairness is impossible

There is no way that all of your kids are going to respond to all of your decisions with a collective nod of approval no matter how hard you try to make the situation fair. For example, say you have two children and there's one cookie left. In the spirit of King Solomon, you resolve to break the cookie in half and offer an equal-sized piece to each child. You are likely to hear both children protest in unison, "That's not fair!" Or, if they both agree to half a cookie, one child still might argue, "Her half is bigger than mine!" This scenario is what makes that vein in your forehead pop out so far it's visible from outer space.

These occurrences shouldn't scar your children for life. Use this example as a way to teach children that few things divide equally. There will be times that they won't get the bigger piece, but they won't always walk away empty-handed either.

Teach fairness when the stakes aren't high

Making a seemingly simple decision such as determining where the family will go out to dinner can cause a rift among family members that can result in an all-out civil war. You suddenly start hearing verses of, "But she got to choose last time!" Or, "If we don't go where I want to go, then I'm not going!"

Suddenly, that can of tuna fish that's been in the cupboard for the last six months is looking more appealing. No doubt you have forgotten who got to choose the dining destination the last time. But even if you know whose turn it is, ask your children what they think would be fair. Then, encourage them to go off and discuss it. The ultimate choice is still yours, but this allows your kids an opportunity to work out a solution. Of course, there won't always be a peaceful outcome, but it gives you a chance to teach your children about compromise.

Avoid making a decision during a heated moment

If you need to make a choice about something that has caused a disagreement among your children, delay making the decision if their (and your) temper is still hot. It's important for children to recognize that fairness is not something that is arrived at during a heated argument. Call a temporary truce. If you make a sudden decision in an attempt to diffuse an emotional disagreement, you will likely escalate the situation. If there is time, let everyone go off and calm down so you can have a rational discussion before you make the decision.

Resist the urge to placate the child who doesn't get his or her way

It's hard for parents to deal with situations where they need to make a decision that leaves a child feeling distressed and broken-hearted. In this case, the parent might be tempted to assuage the child's misery by making counter offers or some form of concession. This could cause you to fall into a trap. If you do this, your children might grow up expecting that all of life's hard knocks come with a consolation prize.

If a punishment is necessary, make it fit the behavior not the circumstances

When you make a decision that one child doesn't agree with he or she might express discontent by throwing a tantrum. Seeing this behavior after having to make a difficult decision could elevate your level of frustration over the whole situation. Under the circumstances, you might feel compelled to punish your child more harshly for behaving this way. Staying consistent with discipline is important so be sure to impose the same punishment that you do for all tantrums.

The bottom line is that arriving at a completely fair solution is a rare occurrence. Teaching about fairness will take time and a lot of effort, but children need to learn this concept early in life. There is rarely a simple solution to difficult choices. A good rule to follow is to establish a method for making decisions that your children recognize and be as consistent as you can in employing that method every time.

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You child's ability to succeed in academics, extracurricular activities and relationships depends on her level of self-esteem. This is an area that ADHD children really struggle with, but a high self-esteem is critical to your child's growth and development. In an article posted on ADDitude, Dr. Larry Silver says that children need two things in order to feel good about themselves: a sense that they are successful both socially and academically and unconditional love from their parents. If either ingredient is missing, a child will have a hard time developing a sense of self-esteem. He or she might have inherent feelings of inadequacy and feel destined for failure as if there is no point in trying to accomplish anything.

A high self-esteem is not something that an ADHD child can achieve by herself. Self-esteem must be nurtured throughout a child's life and into adulthood. As Dr. Silver suggests, the foundation for a strong self-esteem is created in the environment that you provide for her. The following are three ways you can help boost and maintain your child's self-esteem.

Provide unconditional love

Throughout a given day, your child will interact with a variety of people (friends, unfriendly peers, siblings, teachers, school officials). Some interactions will be positive while others will be negative and intimidating. Either way, all of these interactions will have a strong impact on your child's self-esteem. Therefore, it is important that she knows that her home is a safe haven from the world and that no matter what she does, she has your unconditional love and support.

Praise your child often

Praise is important to all children, but to a child with ADHD, praise is as crucial to his growth and development as food and water. You need to praise him for his accomplishments, large or small. A classic scenario is when your son colors a picture and presents it to you for your approval. You tell him it looks good, proudly display the picture on the refrigerator and go on with your life. It's better, however, for an ADHD child if you are more detailed with your praise.

For example, my 9-year-old daughter loves to color and make crafts. She works hard on every project as if it were going into a museum. I used to offer the perfunctory parental praise saying, "This looks nice." However, I have learned that it's better to provide more detail in my praise: "I like the color you chose for this part of the picture," or, "You have done a good job filling in the gaps between crayon strokes. Your ability to color small parts of a picture has really improved." This kind of praise motivates her to keep working to improve her abilities in the areas that I mentioned.

Teach your child how to deal with criticism

Naturally, it's important to use constructive criticism as your child learns new skills. This kind of criticism is usually prefaced by what your child did well followed by what he or she can improve on. However, you can't guarantee that everyone your child interacts with will offer criticism in a constructive and uplifting fashion. By nature, ADHD children have fragile egos. Taking criticism (even constructive) is very difficult and it can often damage their self-esteem. Nevertheless, criticism is a part of learning and developing a level of maturity necessary to function in society.

In addition to providing your own constructive advice, you need to teach your child that he will face criticism throughout his life. And some people will be less forgiving than others. The important thing is your child needs to recognize that nobody learns anything new without making mistakes and mistakes do not define him as a failure.

Your ADHD child will have many difficulties and obstacles as he pursues his life and career goals. Having a high self-esteem will help him overcome these obstacles. You can't accompany your child with everything he does in life, but you can help boost his self-esteem so he can overcome the trials he will face.

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I already knew what her response would be even before I asked. She simply acted on an impulse and genuinely did not know why she did what she did. She was diagnosed with ADHD at age 3. This added a whole new dynamic to our child rearing experience. Impulsive behavior is a common characteristic of people with ADHD. With children, it's even more challenging because they haven't developed the level of discretion that comes with age and maturity. There are things going on in their heads that they just don't understand so they act according to their thought process. While I still occasionally get impatient with many of my daughter's behaviors, I have been able to better control my temper by looking at the situation with a different perspective. Here are three ways that have strengthened my ability to keep my patience (and nerves) intact.

Base your expectations on the attention deficit-influenced behavior

Expect that you will remind your child of something she needs to do at least 100 times (sometimes more) before she gets the message and follows through with the task. Children with ADHD have difficulty retrieving and processing instructions. They also struggle with getting started and staying focused on a particular task that might take a while to complete.

With an ADHD child, expect that he or she will often behave or react in a way that is contrary to the behavior you would like to see. When you set your expectations based on your knowledge of how ADHD children operate, it will be much easier to work through challenging issues with your child.

Choose your battles

While this is necessary with any child, you really need to be selective in choosing what you will focus on with your ADHD child. For example, children with ADHD commonly have messy rooms. Staying organized or cleaning up a cluttered room is often too overwhelming and they simply cannot bring themselves to carry out the task. They simply struggle with performing many of the common executive functions. According to Dr. Thomas E. Brown, "A New Understanding of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADHD/ADD)," a person's inability to carry out certain tasks is often considered a lack of willpower. However, children and adolescents with ADHD have inherent problems in the chemistry of their brain's management system. This inhibits their ability to perform tasks that could take longer than 30 minutes.

There is really no point in losing patience from continually reminding your ADHD child to do simple tasks such as pick up her toys, put her laundry away or turn off the light when she leaves a room. It's likely that she will develop these executive functions later in life. It is actually better to focus on developing more life-enriching abilities such as social skills and academics. With ADHD children, it's easier to overlook some behaviors such as not making their bed every day or leaving shoes in the middle of the floor when you know that much of their efforts are devoted to developing skills and values and learning to be productive members of society.

Strive to recognize the progress they do make

ADHD is a delayed learning disorder. Children with this disorder struggle to learn and comprehend new information. Nevertheless, while their ability to learn might be slow compared to other children who don't have the disorder, they are still learning and developing all the time. You might not immediately recognize their progress because you are with them every day. Still, they are growing and maturing and will eventually have the ability to better monitor and control their impulsive behaviors.

Attention Deficit Disorder induces unpredictable behaviors in those who struggle with the syndrome. There is no guarantee that you won't have a few bouts of banging your head against a wall when dealing with your children who have ADHD. However, when you educate yourself about the disorder and set your expectations based on your child's known abilities and limitations, you will be able to put more energy toward helping your child develop valuable life skills.

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