Not long ago, my wife and I were joking with a friend that our 25-year-old son loves posting photos of himself clinging to a sheer canyon wall or perched on the edge of a 1000-foot cliff - but only after the fact, when it's too late for his parents to object.

"I'm not surprised," our friend said. "You raised him to be fearless."

I've thought about that comment quite a bit. We never set out to teach our kids to be fearless, but it's true that they are. It must have something to do with the way they were raised.

Having fearless kids, who have no qualms about backpacking alone across Thailand (like our 25-year-old did) or spending a summer teaching rock-climbing in the Colorado (like our 20-year-old did) or jumping off a 50-foot railroad trestle into a ribbon of water (like our 27-year-old daughter did) isn't easy on parents.

And yet, I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's a scary world out there, but I'd much rather see young people take chances - within reason - than cower in fear. Looking back, I've tried to figure out what I did (beside marry well) to raise kids who are all far braver than myself. Here's what I've concluded:

Have adventures

Since my wife and I are both teachers, we've never had a lot of money for fancy family vacations. We only took our kids to Disney World once when they were growing up, and that was when the oldest was 17. Yes, I know. Where we live, you can get your parent card revoked for that kind of neglect.

What we did, though, was take our kids camping, hiking, canoeing, and whitewater rafting at every opportunity, even when our kids were young. My now 20-year-old son once slept in the bottom of a canoe all the way down the Hiwassee River, while I negotiated the rapids. He was two at the time.

As our 17-year-old said to my wife and me recently, "Our family doesn't take vacations. We have adventures."

Loosen the reins

I've always believed that the essence of good parenting lies in walking that fine line between holding on too tight and letting go too soon. If we want our kids not to grow up fearful of life, we've got to let them experience it-even if they might get hurt.

When our 17-year-old was 4, he wanted to ride his scooter down a steep hill. I let him-but not without some trepidation. Now he wants to go bridge-jumping. I let him (ditto). That's not to say we don't take (and teach) proper precautions, like wearing a helmet or checking for submerged rocks, but we've tried not to put a damper on our kids' enthusiasm for life.

Try new things

This is one area where I've had to step outside my comfort zone for. In this sense, my wife is actually much more adventurous than I am. I enjoy camping and canoeing, but trying something completely new isn't always on my to-do list.

Nevertheless, spurred on by Mom, we often found ourselves branching out. Like the time we started a garden with four other families. I was thinking maybe a six-foot-by-six-foot plot with some beans and a few tomatoes. Nope. This garden was huge. But we all tended it together, and it served its purpose. Besides bugs and a snake or two, our kids learned not to be afraid of something much more important; a little hard work.

Go toward your dreams

I think my kids have always had a pretty good idea what my goals are in life. They've seen me achieve some of those goals, and they've seen me fail at others - but they've never seen me quit.

For their part, all four of my kids have displayed amazing perseverance and fortitude in pursuing their own dreams. They haven't always achieved everything they wanted either, but not for lack of trying or fear of failing.

Stand up for what you believe

My greatest fear for my kids isn't about rock-climbing or bridge jumping but is the society we live in today-where you can't express support for millennia-old moral standards without facing ridicule or worse.

In this intolerant environment, it takes a lot of courage to stand up for what you believe. I pray my wife and I have exemplified that kind of courage by quietly (and sometimes not so quietly) trying to live according to our convictions. Certainly our kids have always shown a lot of backbone, and nothing could make me prouder.

Have faith

In the end, if you've taught your kids right and wrong and consistently modeled good judgment, you just have to have faith that they'll make responsible choices.

For my wife and me, letting go has also meant exercising faith in God-believing He has a plan for our kids and that, if they're doing what they should, nothing will happen to them that isn't in harmony with His will. As our kids grow older, we realize that we're not always going to be there to pick them up when they fall - but He always will be.

One of my prized possessions is a plaque my daughter gave me that reads, "You didn't tell me how to live; you lived and let me watch you do it." I hope that's only half true - that she paid attention to the good parts and ignored the bad.

But for whatever reason, she and her brothers seem to be living life fearlessly - having adventures, trying new things, reaching for their dreams. In fact, I've learned a lot from them, which is a good thing. Because, for a parent, having fearless children can be pretty scary.

A shorter version of this article ran in the Gwinnett Daily Post. It has been republished here with permission.

The post 6 ways to raise fearless kids in a scary world appeared first on FamilyToday.

Recently, we went with my daughter and her family to a popular restaurant where we encountered a 20-minute wait and a full lobby. Many patrons sat on benches provided for that purpose, including several able-bodied men.

My daughter is visibly pregnant and has an active 15-month-old who, of course, chose that moment to demand Mommy. So, there she stood, belly protruding, holding a squirming toddler - and not one of the men offered his seat or even glanced in her direction.

Fortunately, Grandpa (that's me) succeeded in coaxing the little tyke away. Eventually, a couple got up when their table was called, so my daughter was finally able to sit down. But I couldn't help wondering, "What's wrong with those guys?"

Has chivalry gone completely out of style? Are boys no longer taught good manners? Or have we simply become so self-absorbed that we fail to notice the plights of those around us?

Whatever the case, I would suggest that the world is a better place when we, as men, resolve to practice common courtesy - especially in regard to women - and encourage our sons to do the same.

To some, this might seem sexist. But with date rape and domestic violence becoming increasingly commonplace, we could do far worse than teach boys to treat women with respect.

Here are some specific gentlemanly behaviors men need to embrace and model for their sons:

Don't just sit there

As my story illustrates, too many men seem content to loll in comfort while a young mother wrestles with a small child or an elderly lady leans on her cane. That must stop. In a public setting, a man should always offer his seat to a woman. She might not accept, which is her prerogative, but he should at least offer.

Hold the door

We don't hold doors for women because they can't do it themselves. We do so as a sign of respect. If you're too self-conscious or afraid some women might take offense, then just hold the door for anyone, male or female, who happens to be close behind you.

As for car doors, well, few actions mark a gentleman like opening the car door for a woman - whether you're on your first date or you've been married for 50 years.

Carry that weight

I cringe whenever I see a woman carrying a heavy box or several bags of groceries, or a young mother with a baby carrier in one hand and a toddler in the other while a bunch of men stand there doing nothing.

It's not that women aren't capable of fending for themselves. They just shouldn't have to. Offering a helping hand might require some courage - "What if they think I'm a creeper?" - but it's the right thing to do.

Pull out her chair

This isn't always practical, and opportunity for it has been somewhat lessened by modern bench seating and fast food restaurants. Even so, in a formal setting, a man should always hold a woman's chair while she seats herself. Again, this isn't because women can't pull out their own chairs. It's just a sign of respect and, perhaps, an acknowledgement of the importance of certain occasions (like a prom date or an anniversary dinner).

Walk curbside

When a man walks with a woman on the sidewalk or near any busy thoroughfare, he should always place himself between her and potential traffic. The point is not to patronize women by suggesting they're always in need of male protection; rather, symbolically putting ourselves in harm's way acknowledges the vital role women play as mothers of our children.

Help with her coat

It's always uncomfortable to watch a woman, perhaps holding a purse or other items in her hands, trying to struggle into a coat. (For some reason, a guy with a similar problem just looks funny.)

Don't just watch. Reach out, take hold of the coat, and help her find that armhole. (If it makes you feel better, you can do this for struggling guys, too.)

Get on your feet

Standing when a woman comes into the room seems a little old-fashioned these days. To be honest, it's not always practical or even desirable, especially in a professional setting. But there are times when it's the ultimate sign of respect - such as when several men are seated in someone's home and the lady of the house walks into the room or when a lone woman graces a men-only meeting.

Again, it might take some courage to put these gentlemanly behaviors into practice. You'll probably get some confused or even dirty looks, and you might even be called a sexist (or worse).

Just remember, the way we, as men, behave toward women in public is an extension of how we think about them in private. If we truly value women, we will treat them with respect and deference - and when we consistently treat them that way, we'll find it much harder to objectify them or regard them as inferior.

The post 7 gentlemanly behaviors that mark a real man appeared first on FamilyToday.

A great man once said, "The greatest work you ever do will be within the walls of your own home." I don't think he was talking about your misguided attempts to re-model the kitchen.

Clearly, those words apply to less-tangible kinds of home improvement - such as the relationship between husband and wife. Remember, guys, as Valentine's Day approaches, with all its emphasis on "hooking up": The most important pick-up lines you'll ever use come after she's already said "I do."

We all know about courtship before marriage. That's when you spend every waking moment pretending to be someone you're not just so she'll fall in love with you - sending her flowers, complimenting her incessantly, opening her car door.

Ten years and three kids later, you only send flowers when you've done something wrong. You think "this meat loaf ain't half bad" qualifies as a compliment. And she's occasionally tempted to open YOUR car door - while the vehicle is still moving.

What happened?

Think back to when the two of you first met. What was the first thing you ever said to her? Chances are it was some kind of pick-up line, no doubt something suave and sophisticated, like "Are you from Tennessee? 'Cause you're the only 10 I see." Or "Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

All these years later, you've forgotten the importance of occasionally saying something that, although it may sound cheesy, at least lets your wife know she's still the sole object of your affections. (Even if that's not entirely true. After all, you can't whisper sweet nothings to a sports car or a bag of golf clubs.)

The words themselves may evolve somewhat, but the dual intent remains the same: to show your wife she's special while at the same time drawing her attention to you in a positive way, as opposed to the many negative ways you usually draw attention to yourself.

Here are some examples of good pick-up lines for married guys, guaranteed to make her fall in love with you all over again - or at least not banish you to the couch for a few weeks:

• "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Let me get those bags of groceries so it doesn't happen again."

• "Why don't you go lie down, beautiful, while I slip into this sink full of dirty dishes."

• "Hey, honey, I'm putting in a load of laundry. If I washed your nightgown, would you hold it against me?"

• "Your eyes are like an ocean, baby, and I'm lost at sea. And speaking of oceans, why don't you let me change that diaper."

This Valentine's Day, in addition to the flowers and candy, try one of these lines. If you're really smooth, your sweetheart might even forget (for a few hours) that you still haven't finished remodeling the kitchen.

The post Clever Valentine’s Day pick-up lines – for your wife appeared first on FamilyToday.

This article was originally published in the Gwinnett Daily Post. It has been reprinted here, with permission.

A couple months ago, I wrote a column aimed at married women, entitled "What your husband really wants." This time around, in the interest of fairness, balance and gender equity, I'd like to address husbands.

Guys, you might think you have no idea what your wife really wants, but I'm here to tell you that it's not that difficult to figure out. Assuming you've married a good woman who is committed to her marriage, she wants what every other good woman wants:

She wants to feel secure

I'm not necessarily talking here about financial security. Many women these days are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves financially.

However, if your wife is one of those women who has chosen to forgo her career in order to stay home and raise children, then she both needs and deserves your financial support. She wants a husband who works hard to provide for his family, who handles money responsibly and who sacrifices his own desires - like maybe a new Camaro - for the good of the family.

Beyond that, whether she works outside the home or not, your wife wants to feel secure in your relationship. You'll find that she's willing to make great sacrifices of her own as long as she feels like the two of you are a team, working together toward common goals (financial and otherwise), facing and overcoming obstacles together.

She wants to feel special

The bane of every long-term marriage is "everydayness." We all get so bogged down in the daily details of just living that sometimes we forget to step back and appreciate what we have.

Your wife wants you to see her as a person, not merely a feature of the landscape. She wants you to tell her that she's beautiful, that's she's smart, that she's a good woman and a wonderful wife and that you love her just the way she is.

You might think she already knows all these things, but trust me - she probably doesn't. And even if she does, she still needs to hear you say them because there are plenty of days she doesn't really believe them herself.

She wants to be an equal partner

Obviously, you and your wife will not agree on everything. Sometimes she will prevail, sometimes you will and sometimes the two of you will reach a workable compromise.

Whatever the outcome, what your wife really wants is to feel that she is being taken seriously, that her input is valued and carefully weighed and that, ultimately, she has equal say in the decision-making process. Nothing angers an intelligent woman - and rightly so - more than feeling like she's being ignored or patronized.

Being partners also means, by the way, that you must share her burdens: childcare, housekeeping, taxi duty. If you think your job ends at earning a paycheck, you are not an equal partner and, eventually, might not be a partner at all.

She wants you to have a backbone

Few things are more inimical to a healthy relationship than a wishy-washy husband who won't stand up for himself or what he believes - even if the person he's standing up to is, on occasion, his wife.

It's a wise man who puts his wife's happiness ahead of winning an argument. But there will be times, however rare, when you're in the right, and your wife will not thank you in the long run for caving merely because you fear her wrath.

She also expects you to stand up for her and take her side in disputes with others, including the kids. A husband who does not have his wife's back eventually won't have the rest of her, either.

She wants your attention

As I mentioned above, your wife wants you to take her seriously when she has suggestions or ideas. She wants you to really listen and not just pretend to listen.

But she also wants you to pay attention to her in the sense that you stop what you're doing and really tune in to her. Put down the newspaper, shut off your cell phone, close your laptop, turn off the TV and give her your undivided attention for at least 10-15 minutes every day.

Occasionally, she needs even more of your attention than that. Take her out to eat and linger over the meal. Go for a walk. Take advantage of a long car ride just to be together. Few things make a married woman feel better about herself than knowing how much her husband values spending time with her.

She wants a little "me time."

In addition to wanting to spend time with you, your wife also wants some time for herself, time she can spend exercising, being with girlfriends or just taking a long, hot (and uninterrupted) bath.

You might not be able to provide this kind of time for her every day - although you can probably give her at least a few minutes. But you need to make sure she has adequate "me time" on a regular basis, at least several times per week.

That might mean you need to take responsibility for the kids (remember, you're not "babysitting" because they're your kids too). Fix dinner, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, whatever, while your wife takes a little time off. This will help preserve not only her sanity but also, quite possibly, your marriage.

She wants to be your "one and only."

Finally, a good woman who is faithful to her husband and her vows wants, needs and deserves a man who is just as faithful. That means she wants to be not just the most important woman in your life but the only woman of any real importance, excluding daughters and, perhaps, your mom (although, she wants to be more important than your mom, too).

This includes, by the way, women that you don't even know - by which I'm referring to women on a screen and, particularly, unclothed women on a screen. Nothing except actual infidelity is as destructive to a marriage, and to a woman's self-image, than a husband's pornography habit.

Your wife also wants and expects to be more important than your male friends. When the traditional Christian wedding vows speak of "forsaking all others," that is precisely what they mean: all others, including your childhood best buds, your ex-girlfriends and people at work.

There are no truer words than the old saw, "happy wife, happy life." Here's hoping I've provided a blueprint for making your married life, and thus your entire life, just a little happier.

The post What your wife ‘really’ wants appeared first on FamilyToday.

The other day, I stopped by the home of a young couple from church. Their three little boys, all under age 8, were playing in the front yard under mom's watchful eye.

And by "playing," of course, I mean waging tacit warfare against each other, occasional passers-by (including me), and any inanimate object within reach. Their weapon of choice appeared to have once been a soccer ball.

As I approached the house, the mother looked at me, fatigue etched on her face, and said, "Don't you miss this?"

I think my answer surprised her. "Yes, I do," I said. "Every day. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would in a heartbeat."

I say that as a father of four - three of whom are grown and living on their own. The fourth is in high school, which is to say he's grown and still living off me and my wife. But that's OK. I dread the day he leaves, too, not because I'm not looking forward to having my wife to myself occasionally - I am, indeed - but because it will mean my child-rearing years are officially over.

And those were the best years of my life. I'm convinced they're the best years of anyone's life, for several reasons.

Less stress

I know all you young parents think you're stressed to the max. I remember feeling that way too. You look forward every day to some magical time in the future when the kids will be older and life will be easier.

Sorry. It doesn't work that way. As your children get older and you get older, your stress simply becomes magnified. With each passing year, things get more expensive, your schedule becomes more hectic and time to yourself grows ever scarcer.

So enjoy these days when your little ones are trying to kill each other in the front yard. Believe it or not, they're relatively carefree.

More control

Do you sometimes feel like your life is spinning out of control? All young parents do. But the truth is, when your kids are young, you actually have more control over events than you will when they're older.

After all, with little kids, you generally know where they are and what they're doing. You determine when they go to bed, what they wear, what they eat. Not so much with teenagers. And just wait until they're adults, and you have no control over their lives whatsoever beyond your nightly fervent prayers.

Constant validation

All conscientious parents worry constantly if they're doing a good job. Well, don't sweat it. You're not. Nobody is. We all just do the best we can and put the rest in the Lord's hands.

But when your kids are little, at least, you can feel like you're not such a bad parent because your children are constantly telling you how wonderful you are. Not always in words, perhaps, but certainly by their actions. Think a teenager is going to come up and put her arms around your neck after you've lost your temper and yelled at her?

Besides that, little children count on us for virtually everything, right down to the food they eat. Simply seeing them fed, clothed and sheltered is a satisfaction not to be taken lightly.

Sense of purpose

When you're a teenager or college student, it's natural to wonder just what you're supposed to do with your life. Oddly, that feeling has a sneaky tendency to return in your 50s. We call it a mid-life crisis.

But when you're in your 20s or 30s, with two or more small children, there's no need to wonder. Your primary mission in life, for 20 years or so, is to care for your children - provide for them, clean up after them, get them where they need to be and make sure they don't actually kill themselves or each other. If that's not a sense of purpose, I don't know what is.

More fun, less melancholy

Above all, raising kids is fun. I know it often doesn't seem that way now, but just wait until you're on my end, looking back. Then you'll realize just how much fun you had as a young family - going to the park, taking long trips together, playing "Clean the Poo Off the Wall."

Believe me, when that's all over, you'll miss it. It will leave a little hole in your heart that nothing else can fill - until grandkids come along, at least. Now that's something to look forward to. But even as a grandparent, you'll still miss the days when those little ones were your own.

So, don't wish your life away, and your kids' lives away, waiting for your children to grow up. Trust me, they will - and all too soon. And then you'll wish you could go back and do it all over again.

The post Young parents, these really are the best years appeared first on FamilyToday.

Many parents these days have become disenchanted with the public school system. They question the quality of their kids' educations and the apparent lack of discipline. They don't want their kids being taught things that conflict with their personal values. They worry that bullying, drug abuse and sexual promiscuity are commonplace.

These are all legitimate concerns.

Some parents respond by sending their kids to private schools, but not everyone can afford that. And, in any case, the same problems exist at private schools, if perhaps not to the same extent.

Other parents embrace home schooling-but that's not the answer for everyone, either. Many aren't able to home school because of work schedules while others simply don't feel qualified. Plus, some parents worry that children schooled at home might miss out on important social interactions.

If you're dissatisfied with the public schools, yet you're not sold on any of the alternatives-and I think that probably describes most parents, myself included-let me share with you some of the strategies my wife and I used to help our four children not only survive but thrive in public school and beyond.

Engage with your kids

One of the best things you can do to enhance your children's education is talk to them on a daily basis about what they're learning at school. We found that the dinner table is a good place for this, so we've always made eating the evening meal together a priority.

Asking your kids about their classes shows you're interested in their lives and also provides opportunities for you to counter any bad information they may be getting. You don't want to trash their teachers, the school or the curriculum, but you can offer opposing viewpoints, complete with your reasons for disagreeing. This teaches kids to think critically and helps ground them more firmly in their beliefs.

Teach values at home

If you're counting on the schools to teach your kids values, no wonder you're disappointed. As a parent, that's your job. Not only can you do it better, but you can make sure the values your children learn are the ones you want them to have.

That means more than just teaching by example. To really make sure your children adopt the right values, you have to talk about those values often, perhaps setting aside time to do so on a regular basis. You can also take advantage of life's many "teachable moments" to address moral and social issues - in the car, over dinner, during a TV show or after church.

Help with homework

Want to know what your kids are learning? Look over their shoulders while they're doing homework, offering appropriate help as needed.

Of course you have to be careful not to "help" too much; they need to be able to do the work themselves. But assisting them in coming to understand difficult concepts strengthens the bond between you and your children while also allowing you to monitor their curriculum.

Read what they're reading

As an avid reader, I've always tried to read the books that my kids bring home from school. Incidentally, I've discovered a lot of good books that way (Harry Potter and Hunger Games come to mind).

Reading what they're reading, if nothing else, should give you plenty to talk about with your kids over the dinner table. At the same time, you're setting a wonderful example for them simply by the act of reading regularly.

Get involved at the school

If you really want to know what's going on at your kids' schools, you have to be there yourself. When your kids are young, you can volunteer to help in the classroom, monitor the halls or shelve library books. Or you can go a step further and become a "room parent" or get involved in the PTA.

It's even more important to be part of your teens' school experience - even though they might act embarrassed to have you around. Wonder what's going on at the high school football games? Put on your spirit wear and go see for yourself. Don't want your daughter and her date bumping and grinding at the homecoming dance? Be a parent chaperone. The ways in which you can support the school while annoying your children are virtually endless.

You can't protect your kids from everything, nor are schools ever going to be perfect. But if you take time to become involved in your children's educations, they and their schools will benefit.

The post Helping kids survive and thrive in public school appeared first on FamilyToday.

It has been reprinted here with permission.

Each era produces its own slang. Some terms demonstrate staying power and become part of the lexicon while others are relegated to the dustbin of linguistic history. Perhaps the greatest coinage of my generation, for example, was "cool," which is still, well, cool-even if it faces competition today from "awesome" and "chill."

The term "bird," to describe a smart yet awkward person, did not survive, but "nerd" and "dork" are still doing fine. And although a good-looking woman can no longer be called a "fox," "babe" is still appropriate (if politically incorrect), especially when preceded by the modifier "total." (Author's note: my wife is still a stone-cold fox, regardless.)

Perhaps some of you have enjoyed a nice walk down memory lane, recalling the long-forgotten lingo of your youth. But today's slang probably seems foreign to you. As a keen observer of both teenage behavior and language, I've put together this little glossary for your benefit:

"Selfie."

A photograph taken of oneself, usually with a cell phone and sometimes together, with another person. May be accomplished by holding the phone away from one's body or by photographing oneself in the mirror. Usage: "President Obama took a selfie during the Nelson Mandela memorial."

"Ratchet."

This word once referred to the handle portion of a socket wrench set. No more. Now it means ugly, out of style, or "like a poor person." As far as I can tell, it derives from an intentional mispronunciation of the word "wretched."

"Basic."

This word no longer means simple or fundamental; although I suppose, in a way, it actually does. Its modern meaning is similar to "ratchet," but it carries the additional connotation of being cheap or even cheesy. Usage: "His old phone is so basic."

"LOL."

This is one term people of my generation actually do understand (or at least think we do) because we're on Facebook all the time. But of course, being adults, we get it wrong. It's true that the acronym stands for "laugh out loud," but it's no longer used to express true hilarity, which is now spelled "hahahaha." LOL identifies something as only mildly or ironically funny. It's also not just a written abbreviation but is often spoken out loud, usually with sarcasm. For example, my teenager's deadpan, "LOL, dad," at the dinner table.

(By the way, please do not make the common geezer mistake of thinking that "LOL" stands for "lots of love." That can be a pretty awkward way of responding to someone's bereavement, for example.)

"Swag."

Once a shortened form of "swagger," this term now refers not to an individual's walk but to his or her accoutrements: jewelry, fancy clothing, etc. It can also mean "free stuff" (like T-shirts, sunglasses or Rolex watches) given away to members of an organization or attendees at an event. Usage: "You should see all the swag state legislators get from lobbyists."

"Bae."

Perhaps this should be spelled "BAE" because it's actually an acronym for "before anyone else," but it's pronounced as a word (sounding like "bay") and employed as a noun. Teenagers these days use it in much the same way we once used "squeeze" (as in "main squeeze") referring to someone's "one-and-only." Usage: "I'm going out with bae tonight."

So there you have it. Even though your own youth is long past, you can now sound cool again. Just be sure to wear your swag so you don't look ratchet when you take a selfie with your bae. LOL.

The post A brief glossary of modern teenage slang appeared first on FamilyToday.

Let's assume, ladies, that you married a decent guy. If not, then you probably ought to be reading a different article, one that I'm not particularly interested in writing. I'll leave that to the marriage therapists, or maybe the divorce attorneys.

But assuming your guy is a keeper, there are certain things he wants out of marriage that you probably ought to be aware of - and some of them might surprise you. It's important for you to understand just what your husband is looking for in a relationship if you want yours to be a lasting one.

Here are seven things your husband wants that you can help him with:

He wants to be your hero

This may sound old-fashioned, and maybe it is, but what every decent guy wants more than anything else is for his wife to look up to and admire him. You are the most important person in the world to him. Thus, your approval means more to him than anyone else's.

Admittedly, even the best of men don't always behave admirably. But if you're willing to overlook occasional lapses and consistently treat your husband like the good guy you know he is at heart, he's much more likely to be that guy more often. (If the lapses are more than occasional, see paragraph 1.)

Take a page from the best elementary school teachers who understand the importance of positive reinforcement. Treat kids like they're smart, and they're more likely to act smart. As you've long suspected, your husband is really just a big kid. Tell him frequently how much you admire him. Chances are, he'll respond by trying to be admirable.

He wants to be your lover

I know what you're thinking: "Aha! I knew sex was going to be on this list somewhere!" Well, of course your husband wants to have sex with you. For companionship, he has his dog and his football buddies. Your relationship is something different.

What your husband really wants is someone he can be intimate with on every level without having to worry about feeling self-conscious. He wants to hold hands in the car and snuggle on the couch. He wants to kiss, regularly and sometimes passionately. He wants to whisper little suggestive remarks in your ear while doing dishes, hear you laugh and see you arch your eyebrows provocatively in response.

In short, he wants a lover who is all his own - and in return, he'll be all your own. And yes, sometimes all that hand-holding, snuggling, kissing and ear-whispering will lead to sex.

He wants to be your best friend

It's common today to see wedding invitations that say, "Today I marry my best friend." This is a good development, I suppose, but I wonder if it isn't just one of those cute things people say without fully realizing the implications.

Because, once you get married, you really will be each other's best friend - or else you won't be friends at all. There isn't much middle ground. You spend so much time together and get to know each other so intimately, that a strong friendship is necessary if your relationship is going to last. That means mutual respect, genuine affection and a willingness to overlook faults.

As a decent guy, your husband loves that you have other (women) friends. He just wants to be BFF number one, the one you share with the most, the one you turn to most often, the one person you would rather spend time with than anyone else in the world. Be that kind of friend to him, and he will be the same kind of friend to you.

He wants to understand you

It's a running joke in our culture just how little men know about women - it probably has been in every culture since the beginning of time. I bet Eve had Adam scratching his head with regularity.

Nevertheless, despite the apparent futility of the endeavor, your husband desperately wants to understand you - why you do what you do, what you mean when you say certain things, what makes you tick. If he is a decent guy and a good husband, he is committed to spending his life in this pursuit.

So please, help him out when you can. When you think something is important but he doesn't, take the time to explain your reasons. Then listen respectfully, with an open mind, to his perspective. Above all, tell him what you want. Don't expect him to read your mind. It's written in a language he doesn't speak.

He wants to protect you

It's true that we no longer live in a time when women and children are at risk of being eaten by wild animals or carted off by warring tribes. Nevertheless, every decent guy has a deeply ingrained instinct to protect his family - from whatever dangers our modern society presents.

Sometimes this urge to protect you will take a negative form. For instance, your husband might withhold important financial information from you because he "doesn't want you to worry." Or he may become possessive if he perceives that some would-be Romeo is coming on to you. At times like these, you might need to help him understand that you're a big girl, perfectly capable of handling such situations.

Just be gentle. Remember that what's driving him is not so much selfishness as a concern for your safety. Would you rather have a guy who just didn't care?

He wants to make you happy

Priority one, for any decent guy, is his wife's happiness. If the love of his life is not happy, he has failed. It's as simple as that.

Of course, you know that he isn't necessarily responsible for your happiness. Sometimes you're just going to be unhappy, and most of the time that has nothing to do with hubby. But he might have a hard time believing that. As far as he's concerned, your happiness is his responsibility, and he takes that responsibility very seriously.

Try to help him understand that, just because you're unhappy at the moment, it doesn't mean you're unhappy in general, or just because you're upset at the circumstances, that doesn't mean you're upset at him. Be patient with him while he tries to sort this out. He's probably going to keep doing stuff designed to make you feel better whether you want him to or not.

He wants to be himself

There's an old proverb that says a man marries a woman believing she'll never change, while a woman marries a man believing she can change him - and both are wrong.

No doubt it's true that a good marriage changes both partners for the better. At the same time, nothing is more damaging to a man's psyche than the realization that his wife doesn't really approve of him the way he is and is dead-set on re-making him to suit her.

A decent guy needs to know that you love him, warts and all. That doesn't mean he won't try to make needed improvements in his life. In fact, he's more likely to set about effecting positive changes if he feels accepted by the woman he loves. Remember, you knew what he was when you married him - a truly decent guy, yet not without his flaws, just like the rest of us.

Once you understand what your husband really wants, not only will you be happier, but you can also make him happier and reap the rewards of a stronger relationship. Because, ultimately, the only behavior or attitude you can really change is your own.

The post What your husband really wants appeared first on FamilyToday.

As fathers, we want our sons to grow up to be loving husbands, involved fathers and contributing members of society. That doesn't happen by accident.

With so many young men these days seemingly adrift, the role of the father has never been more vital. Here are some tips for raising boys to become the kind of men our world needs.

Play with them

I always smile when I see a young father wrestling around on the floor with his son. Boys need that kind of interaction. They need to play sports and other active games, to test themselves physically and overcome their fears in a safe environment.

They also need to learn about teamwork and fair play. And perhaps most of all, they need their father's praise and approval. Playing with your sons gives you ample opportunity to meet all those needs.

Work with them

Concerned about today's slacker culture, where young men spend hours just "hanging out" or playing video games? Teach your sons to work by working with them.

Of course, you can and should give your sons chores to do on their own. But some of the best times you'll ever spend together will be working on some project around the house. Even when they're little, find things your sons can do to "help." Ultimately, they'll associate work with something positive - time with Dad - and won't shy away from it as adults.

Serve with them

Disaffected youth aren't just lazy - they're also self-centered and narcissistic. Teaching your sons to think about others will help them combat the tendency toward ego gratification that afflicts so many young men today.

Once again, the best way to teach your sons to serve is to find ways to serve together. Maybe you can mow an elderly neighbor's lawn. Or join a group like Habitat for Humanity to build a home for a less fortunate family. Or take part in another young man's Eagle Scout Project.

The possibilities are endless, but the important thing is that your sons see you serving others and have the opportunity to serve alongside you.

Respect their mother

Perhaps the most important thing you can do for your sons is to show them how to treat women. We know that abusers almost always grow up in abusive homes. The way you relate to their mother will likely be the way your sons relate to their wives.

Always take care to show your wife - or even your ex-wife - proper respect and deference. Don't speak harshly to her, or speak ill about her, in your sons' presence. And above all, never, ever lay a hand on her in anger. Remember, your boys are watching.

Despite today's many negative influences, a father's guidance and example still have great power. And while there are no guarantees, following these basic steps will increase your chances of raising young men you can be proud of.

The post How not to raise a slacker appeared first on FamilyToday.

Like most guys, I learned to do laundry in college. Each week, I had to address the age-old question, "Do I wash clothes, or just buy new underwear?" At that time it cost about $2.50 to do two loads of laundry, whereas a three-pack of briefs went for $2.79 at the local Wal-Mart.

Clearly a no brainer. After five years (give or take), I left school with a bachelor's degree, $153.75 in library fines and 248 pairs of shorts.

Occasionally, though, I did have to wash clothes, usually when my jeans began to move around the room by themselves during the night. The system I perfected was to divide my clothes into two loads - merely filthy and truly disgusting - and toss each into a machine with as much detergent as I could beg, borrow or steal from whoever else happened to be in the laundry room.

When each load came out of the dryer, I immediately put the shirts and slacks on hangers to keep them from getting too wrinkled (moderately wrinkled was fine) and dumped the rest into an old pillow case. This seemed to work well. I never once had a woman turn me down for a date because of the way my clothes looked or smelled.

At least, that was never mentioned as a reason.

Unfortunately, the fact that this system worked just fine for me in college means nothing to my wife. In her world, laundry must be sorted into at least eight different piles, using some arcane formula that would befuddle Harry Potter. Each pile must then be loaded into the machine with exactly the right amount of detergent, fabric softener and bleach, all the myriad dials and switches turned to exactly the right setting. Afterwards, everything has to be folded or - gasp! - ironed and then put away.

That's a lot of work. Fortunately, most married men don't have to do laundry very often, for the simple reason that their wives don't trust them with it. This is compelling evidence that women are indeed smarter than men.

If, however, you find yourself doing a lot of laundry at some point, perhaps because your wife is out of town or has done something else really inconvenient, like have a baby, or because you're (ahem!) a sensitive guy, here are some useful tips for getting it done as quickly and as efficiently (read "with as little work") as possible.

First, divide your laundry into no more than three loads. Three small loads. Leave your wife's clothes in the hamper. If she's out of town or otherwise incapacitated, she doesn't need them anyway. Plus, many of the kids' clothes can be stuffed under their beds for you to pull out later while upbraiding them - in your wife's presence, of course - for not putting their laundry in the hamper. This will both lessen your work load and make you look like a concerned father.

Second, be sure to wash everything on cold/cold, with no bleach. That way, if you did a poor job dividing your loads by color, you don't have to worry about anything getting too ruined. The clothes may not actually get clean, either, but as long as the faint odor of detergent is clearly perceptible, you can always blame the remaining stains and streaks on the machine.

Third, take any clothes that would normally be ironed out of the dryer as soon as it stops and put them on hangers (one trick from college that still works). If, say, you're in the middle of your afternoon cable talk show and don't get to the dryer quick enough, just run that load through for another 10 or 15 minutes. This will keep the clothes from getting too wrinkled, so that they may not need to be ironed at all, especially if they're children's clothes. I've always regarded ironing children's clothes as a waste of time, unless you plan to laminate the child, clothes and all.

Finally, take everything that's left - underwear, socks, jeans, T-shirts and divide it into baskets by family member. (Don't bother to fold any of these. They're either supposed to be wrinkled or else not seen.) Then place each basket in that person's closet, where with any luck, it will be emptied before your wife gets home.

If you follow these simple steps, you will win the undying love and respect of your wife, who will in turn become the envy of her friends. You might even be mistaken for a sensitive guy.

And if all else fails, you can always make a last-minute run to Wal-Mart.

The post Laundry tips for the undomesticated man appeared first on FamilyToday.